Math at Home for Grandpa Gabe
BY ST E P H A N I E A N N E SA LOMON E I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y J O N AT H A N H I L L
MY KIDS LIKE to tell me that I’m a doctor, but not a useful perception data on my side. I am a mentor to other faculty doctor, and that’s true. When the flight attendant asks, “Is there members. I may not have Mr. Universe-level awards, but I’m a doctor on the plane?” they don’t mean a PhD, and they cer- no slouch, either. Milo flounces. I stare back and raise one tainly don’t mean someone who is especially helpful only in a eyebrow, and he makes a grunting noise that all parents of mathematical emergency. The COVID-19 crisis, though, could preteens recognize as, “Fine. I’ll do what you say, but I still think be the time that we P(hD)arents shine in the eyes of our chil- you are totally unreasonable.” His angst and insult are not dren. We know things about things, we teach, and we have skills worth it, but I’d like to take the moment to teach him about that, while not sexy enough to make exciting career-day talks proportional response. I don’t. He solves the problem on his (research, reading graphs in scientific journal articles, data own. It turns out the denominator was 15, not 8. analysis), might come in handy when it comes to Common Core. Except…not. Because unless I can make every math example II. Jude, who is nine and has, for nine years, alternated unpreinto a fart joke, my boys aren’t interested in being taught by me. dictably between who we call “Agreeable Jude” and “Contrary Jude,” has taken to writing IMPOSSIBLE next to the math I. Milo is working on proportional reasoning. Ratios. He’s problems he can’t solve immediately. “You know, some problems getting more and more wound up because I’m asking him to just take more steps,” I tell him, and he rolls his eyes and emphatreread the word problem. He is bright and just needs to slow ically pushes his breath out his nose. Apparently he’s Contrary down. “JUST BECAUSE YOUR DIPLOMA WAS SIGNED BY Jude right now. I try again, “If you ask me what mathematics is, THE TERMINATOR DOESN’T MEAN YOU KNOW ANYTHING I would say mathematics is breaking up a big problem into small ABOUT TEACHING MATH!” my sixth grader bellows, and he’s problems, and then solving those. Maybe we can do that?” right, in part. The then-gubernator of California did sign my “Fine, Mama, but could you at least make it interesting doctoral mathematics diploma. Milo is also right that my this time?” mastery of a subject does not guarantee that I would be a Jude loves baseball so much that, before the season starts, strong teacher of that subject. But I have 23 years of student he can name every Pilot player by number, position, and
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