Ductus 2013 Edition 1 by UNMS Publications

Pain Trauma Paralysis And that’s just trying to buy a car

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Contents Feature: Feature: MedBALL Welcome to the advocacy Centre 04 Recap: Column: First Incision Waytey’s Wecipes 09

Column: Exchange The FAQs 17

Report: Teddy Bear Hospital

Report: Mental HEalth 26

Recap: Charity Trivia Night 18

Column: Ductus Doctor 28

Feature: Getting to know the social seahorse

Report: My current Affair with aCA

Feature: The Medrevue Review 14

Centrefold: Princess Africa

Submission: Rules of Medcest

Recap: submission: Great Debate Creative Corner 39

From the Editors We have timed the release of Ductus well. Very well in fact. It is that time of semester where the last holiday seems like a millennium ago, the next month filled with nothing but torturous cramming, and exams only a strand of hair away. Like a girl’s time of the month, you are irritable, unreasonably emotional and you find comfort in the most bizarre things.

This is the assumption Team Ductus based our planning and orga-

But hey, look on the bright side!

In all honesty, we hope this edition of Ductus will teach you something you didn’t already know and, more importantly, provide a hint of fun during these dark, dark times.

semester one so far (like the time that medical student made her debut on national television with an upskirt shot) and to get excited for the scandals to come (like who will be the dickhead that gets us banned from Merewether Surfhouse on the night of the inaugural MedBall). So read away, happy procrastinating and may the odds be ever in your favour. Jill and Ming q #PUBS2013

We had heaps of fun putting Ductus together, and it has provided us with an excellent source of procrastination from PBL and GP Assignments. We may actually have to start studying now... So here you go, we hope you use Ductus to relive the highlights of

Photo courtesy of Beck Nelson

This all works to our advantage, however, as it means that your standards of humour and your entertainment threshold are much lower, making our job of putting together a well-received Ductus far easier. You will find the jokes contained in the magazine more funny than you would at any other point in the semester, and let’s face it, who would choose study over an hour wasted reading this magazine?

nization on - but in the process, we realised that it is not all doom and gloom for Semester One 2013 (at least, not quite yet). The lights along this dark, dingy tunnel include MedBall, OSCEs Night and looking forward to those infamous stories from post-exam parties (all thanks to declined alcohol tolerance after t-totalling it over stuvac).

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By Lauren Godde

The Internship Crisis and Training Pipeline

What is it?

An internship is a compulsory year of training after graduation that is necessary to gain registration and practice in Australia. After it was recognised that there will be a shortage of doctors in Australia, the Federal government allowed the universities to increase the number of medical students but without sufficiently planning to ensure internships and further medical training places for this increased number of students.

In 2012, 3326 Australian-trained medical graduates applied for 3080 internship positions in 2013, a shortfall of 246. After the CPMEC audit, there remained 181 unplaced Australian-trained graduates. Following the allocation and accreditation of additional of new internships, 46 unplaced graduates remained.

What next?

With this shortage of internships in 2012 and again increased numbers of Australian-trained medical graduates, there is an anticipated shortfall of internships offered at the end of 2013. This shortage of internship positions will continue to increase each year unless drastic action is taken immediately. A sustainable medical training system is vital for Australia’s future. It is expect that in 2025, Australia will have a shortage of 2701.

How does it affect you?

Whilst your internship might begin next year or in another 5 years time, it is important that you are aware of the issues surrounding the Internship Crisis

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What can I do?

There are many ways each medical student can be involved in the advocacy and action of the internship crisis.

• Twitter, Facebook and other social media avenues are fantastic ways to increase awareness and grab the attention of those concerned #interncrisis • Participate in the UNMS ThinkTanks. One will be held in May! • Talk to or email your local State or Federal Ministers. This is a great way to ensure that those that represent you in State and Federal Parliament know about the issues that concern you. • Talk to your AMSA Representative, Lauren

UPDATES FROM THE FIRST AMSA COUNCIL Held in March, the First AMSA Council of 2013 was 3 jam-packed days of informing, representing and connecting.

Policies

The AMSA policies discussed and voted upon included:

One

The Student Mental Health and Wellbeing Policy was passed unanimously and detailed AMSA stance on improving of mental health for all students and called upon the Universities of Australia and State and Federal governments to increase awareness, make recommendations and develop strategy to improve student mental health.

Two

Amendments were made to the Internship Policy to define who is an Australian Medical Graduate, and thus should be eligible for an

Australian Internship. An Australian Medical Graduate is now defined as a student who: • Completed their primary medical qualification at an Australian university;

• Completed a majority of their clinical coursework in Australia; and • Are not bonded to a government (other than the Australian Government) upon completing of their medical degree.

Issues

Many issues were focused upon at First AMSA Council including Student Mental Health, the Internship Crisis and Marriage Equality. From Senator Fiona Nash discussing her role in the Internship Crisis to Marie Bashir, the NSW Governor talking about her role in advocating about adolescent mental health, everyone was informed of these important issues. 2013 AMSA Federal Election Priorities As everyone is well aware, the Australian Federal Election will be held this year and this is a vital opportunity for AMSA to ensure that the major issues effecting are know to all politicians in Australia. The six election priorities decided upon at AMSA First Council are:

One

Ensure sufficient, high quality internships are provided for all graduating medical students of Australian medical schools, as defined in AMSA’s Internship Policy;

Two

Ensure sufficient, high quality postgraduate training places are provided such that all interns have an opportunity to train as a specialist (including general practitioners), consistent with the community’s healthcare needs;

three Refuse to approve any additional medical student places of the establishment of new medical schools until both the quality of those places, and the provision of sufficient high quality internships and subsequent postgraduate training positions, is guaranteed;

Four

Increase support for incentive programs to attract medical students to work in rural areas and ensure at least 25% of Commonwealth Supported Places in universities are filled by students with rural backgrounds;

five

Work with universities and other stakeholders on the development of strategies and appropriate services for students with mental health conditions, including funding further research on this topic; and

Six

The Commonwealth must honour its commitment of providing 0.7% of GNI to global aid, and maintain the current target of 0.5% by 201516, with no further delays in aid increases.

What is coming Up This Semester? The First AMSA ThinkTank of this Year will be happening in June. This is an opportunity for all UoN medical students to participate and contribute to the development of UNMS’s stance on a variety of issues. This ThinkTank will coincide with the consultation period for AMSA policies and issues that will be presented at the Second AMSA Council. Such issues and policies will be brought up and opinion sought from all students to allow me to represent all UoN students. I will be distributing more information in regards to what will be discussed to inform everyone prior to the ThinkTank.

Lauren Godde e UNMS AMSA Representative

Do you take joy in convening events? Is there something you want to advocate for through campaigns? Do you think you have a million dollar idea that AMSA and the 17 000 students it represents can benefit from? Yes? Then AMSA’s Pitch Your Project Competition could be your calling. What is it? Medical students across Australia are invited to explain, in 200 words, an idea for a new event, campaign or advocacy issue that AMSA could benefit from. Finalists will then provide a 10 minute pitch at the AMSA National Convention in the Gold Coast, and the winner, chosen by delegates, will be made Project Manager for this new event/ campaign in 2014 and will be the owner of a new iPad Mini.

The Pitch Your Project Competition opens on the 9th of May and closes on the 9th of June. Finalists will be notified by the 15th of June, and the 10 minute pitch will be made during Convention from the 7th to the 14th of July, during which the winner will be announced. Send all entries or enquiries to pitchyourproject@amsa.org.au and keep an eye out on the AMSA website! GAI.

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Infograph courtesy of Haris Noor of the MSAT Team

First Incision

Photos courtesy of Sam Brentnall

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By Ming Yong

Guys, time to get that old tux out from the wardrobe and learn how to tie a bow tie. Girls, time to go shopping for that dress of grandeur you will only wear once. Why? MedBall is here! What is MedBall? Well, I for one believe the rumour that it is actually a giant beach volleyball with the medical insignia on it.

But, as the name suggests, MedBall is a Ball for med students. Think a night of good food, good fun and just all round good glamour. And just in case you aren’t already aware, to make sure that happens, the MedBall conveners secured the Merewether Surfhouse for this event, a three course meal and free booze!

But this isn’t an article to promote MedBall. This article is meant to prepare you for a night of glamour! With my good friends eHow and WikiHow, let me show you how to get a date, the proper ways of using cutlery, but more than anything, how to bust the DF in a waltz!

Getting Him a Date

One Gauge her interest. Is she making eye contact with you? Is she smiling, laughing and having a good time talking to you? If so, you’re on the right track. What if she keeps looking at you because she’s annoyed with you always looking at her? This is not a good sign, and the girl might be a little stressed herself.

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Two Notice how often she touches you. If she’s constantly trying to touch your hand or finds excuses to do so, then she’s probably interested. However, don’t assume that she doesn’t like you if she isn’t touching you. Likewise, don’t start touching her if she isn’t making contact with you. This usually scares or intimidates girls. If she won’t even look at you, stay calm and find excuses to talk to her.

Three Observe how she looks at you. If she likes you, she will either hold your gaze for a long time or pull away immediately. Either of these signs could mean that she likes you. If you happen to glance at the girl and you see her staring back at you, then this means that she doesn’t like you, or she does like you, although she may quickly dart her head in a different direction. If she’s looking at you in a mean way, check your teeth. If she pulls away quickly, it could mean she is nervous but still likes you. Four Look directly at her. While talking, make sure to look at her face and specifically her eyes. Pay attention to what she is saying so that when she asks you something or stops talking, you can continue the conversation intelligently. Don’t get caught staring at her body (especially her breasts). Very few women like this. If she doesn’t look at you or she ignores you, back off, and leave her alone for a little. Some girls don’t like looking boys in the eyes and talking. Read her body language. Five Help her out. Offer to carry something heavy, get her lunch at the office or do something nice for her. If she refuses, then wait until she really needs help or comforting, like when she’s feeling down and having a bad day. Be friendly and outgoing to her. If she walks away quickly, don’t follow her or say, “What??” just keep on going. Six Make sure you look and smell nice. You don’t need to get decked out in a suit and tie to ask a girl out, but make sure your clothes are clean and well-fit, that you’ve brushed your teeth and are wearing deodorant. You should never wear the same clothes again, like you wear red sweatpants Monday, and then you wear them again on Tuesday. Approach the girl you like. Don’t worry about coming up with some-

thing overly clever. Simply say “Hi” or “Hey.” As the conversation moves forward you can give her a complement or ask her a question.

Seven When the time is right, ask her to be your date. Try to make it original. Be confident - If she questions if you’re asking her to be your date, say yes. Girls like guys who are sure of themselves. Eight Be prepared for rejection. Keep your cool if she says no, smile and respond gracefully by saying, “No problem! Maybe another time.” Change the conversation to something else or leave if you’d rather not hang around. Act as if you don’t need her, because that sometimes will pique the interest of a girl. If she makes a face and yells, “Oh my gosh, no way!” this means that the girl is grossed out with you. Leave her alone and move on to another girl. Don’t get your feelings too hurt though, this will leave you lifeless. Some girls just don’t like this kind of stuff.

DaFork!?

One Learn the basics of table settings. Forks are always placed on the left side of the plate with knives and spoons on the right. Cutlery is placed so that you use the utensil on the outside first. For example, if there are two forks set on the table, use the one furthest away from the plate first. The cutlery matches what is being served. If a salad is being served first, a salad fork will be placed on the outside. If there are two spoons on the table, use the outside spoon first. For example, if soup is being served, the soup spoon will be placed furthest away from your dish. Steak knives are placed closest to the plate and butter knives are placed on the bread plate. Two Dip the soup spoon into the bowl of soup and fill the spoon away from you. If you look at the bowl of soup as a clock, you would dip

your spoon in at 6 o’clock and out at 12 o’clock. Please don’t slurp the soup; gently sip it from the side of the spoon. Three Place only as much food on your fork as you can eat in one bite. Never overload your fork with several pieces of food at once. This is true for meats as well as salads. Many people jab their fork into several pieces of lettuce before eating, which is a big no-no.

Four Cut the meat and don’t kill the meat. Never, ever place the knife between your thumb and index finger. Grasp the steak knife with your right hand and place your index finger over the top of the knife, with the handle extending into your palm. Hold the fork in your left hand to cut meat. Place your index finger on the back of the fork, then place the fork in the meat to be cut. Draw the knife blade towards you and remove it. If the meat hasn’t been cut through, repeat the motion. Never, ever “saw” the meat in a back and forth motion. Cut only one piece of meat at a time. After the meat has been cut, place the knife on your plate and eat that piece. Remember, cut and eat only one piece at a time. Five Look at the cutlery at your table setting to become familiar with it. If the cutlery is placed in a formal setting, look at the forks. If the smaller fork is on the outside, then a salad will be served first. If the smaller fork is placed closest to the plate, it will be used either for fish or dessert. Remember to use the cutlery from the outside in and you’ll do fine. Bon Appetit!

Waltzin’ dat DF

One Get into position by facing your partner. If you are the leader, place your right hand on your partner’s waist slightly around the back and extend your left hand to your side with your elbow bent and your palm raised, facing her. With that hand, grasp your partner’s right

hand in a loose grip, and make sure your partner has her left hand on your right shoulder, with her elbow bent. She should mirror your Two On the first beat, step forward gracefully with your left foot. Your partner should follow your lead by doing the opposite of what you do on each beat - in this case, stepping back with her right foot.

Three On the second beat, step forward and to the right with your right foot. Trace an upside-down letter L in the air with your foot as you do this. Four Shift your weight to your right foot. Keep your left foot stationary.

Five On the third beat, slide your left foot over to your right and stand with your feet together. Six On the fourth beat, step back with your right foot.

Seven On the fifth beat, step back and to the left with your left foot, this time tracing a backward L. Shift your weight to your left foot. Eight On the final beat, slide your right foot toward your left until your feet are together; now you’re ready to start over with your left foot.

Nine Repeat steps 2 through 8 turning your and your partner’s orientation slowly to the left by slightly varying the placement of your feet.

Remember, practice makes perfect! Whether it’s practicing the best pickup lines, the classiest ways of using cutlery, or busting dat waltz, the more you practice, the better you’d be at being glamorous! Above all, have an exquisite time at MedBall. We are in for a dashing and dazzling night!

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A word from the MedBall Conveners

“Newcastle Med Functions are so classy!”

Said no one ever.

Ladies and gentlemen, whilst we all love those pass-out-in-a-street corner/vomit-in-a-taxi/lose-yourwallet-keys-phone-and-dignity type of night, it is time for something a bit different. It has been long overdue, and for the first time ever, UNMS presents MedBall 2013, a chance for you to get glammed up and wine & dine with the entire medicine cohort. Ladies – now is the time for you dig out those horrendously expensive, only-worn-once formal dresses. Or go out and get yourself that amazing dress that you have been dying to buy but didn’t know when you would ever get the chance to wear it. It’s time to starting thinking about hair and makeup, going to the gym and, most importantly, auditioning the best potential dates!

Gentlemen – this is time of year to show the ladies another side of yourself. The side which knows which fork to use for which course and the one who chews his food quietly and gracefully, rather than attacking it like a Neanderthal. It’s time for a Harvey Specter moment – get out your dress shirts, pocket squares, bow ties, tie clips and cufflinks. Show everyone how good you look in a suit! Everyone knows how much girls love suits. Before we sign off, here are some sentiments about MedBall we want to see absolutely dispelled: One

Myth: MedBall is too expensive. It may not be worth it.

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We wholeheartedly agree that $95 per head is a lot of money, and we can assure you that we have done

our best to subsidize tickets as much as possible. You are definitely assured value for money – a threecourse meal, unlimited drinks from 7-10pm, live entertainment, a photographer to capture every moment! Already sounds fantastic? Don’t forget about the amazing beach views at Merewether Surfhouse – it will definitely be a night to remember! Two

Myth: This is not my type of event. I’m not sure if I’m going to have fun.

Allow us to appropriate the vernacular of our cohort, and state that this isn’t just about “getting blind and hooking up”. We cannot stress how much this is an event to which everyone is welcome – international and mature age students alike. Partners are most welcome! Don’t like the idea of dancing for long periods of time? You don’t have to! You will have the time and space to simply mingle the whole night and enjoy the view! We hope to see you there!

Susan & Kim f Your MedBall Conveners

What’s Included in Your MedBall Ticket? 1. 2. 3.

3 course meal (canapés, main & desert) Unlimited beverages (for the first 3 hours) Gents - a rare opportunity to suit up to a med event! (The last time this opportunity came around was at 80s Prom Halfway Party in 2011, and lets face it, that was not a classy event!) Ladies - an excuse to procrastinate, hit the shops and spend those $$$ you’ve been saving on that dream dress you never had an excuse to buy! The best part? You get to keep the dress at the end of the night! An unforgettable night!

Interview by Jillian Neve

Jill (J): How are you feeling today? Social Seahorse (SS): Yeah good. Just chootzin’ along at my normal pace. I must admit i’m a touch nervous, it’s not often i’m interviewed by a member of the press. I have a nervous semi right now like i’m back in high school.

J: So, Tom or Jerry? SS: Wow big question early. I assume you’re referring to the cartoon about the cat and the mouse? A Saturday morning classic if there ever was one. I’ll tell you what confused me about that show; Tom would always chase Jerry so he could eat him right? And then occassionally Tom would be chased by an unnamed dog. It’s the natural progression of thought to assume then that dogs eat cats. I took that as fact until an embarrassingly high age. For anyone still unsure on this topic let me equivocally tell you that dogs do not in fact eat cats, although cats eat mice. What was the question again? Jerry. Jerry is my answer. J: If I were to look into your fridge... SS: Bourbon and coke zero. Leftover darby raj. Well the Raj from Beumont street. I’ve assumed that Raj from Darby Raj and Raj from Rajs corner are actually the same Raj, who in turn is our great president Sesh’s dad. James Lawler told me that so you know it’s legit.

J: What is the longest you’ve ever gone without a shower? SS: Probably from when I was born to my first shower since they wash infants in the bath not the shower. Did I just outside of the box you on that one? Yeah I did. Chootz. J: If you were arrested what would it be for? SS: The murder of Estelle White so I could steal her essence like in that Perfume movie.

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J: What would we find you doing the night before PBL? SS: Laughing at the simplicity of the work. Medicine comes too easy to this master of work life balance.

J: How do you deal with the stress of being a medical student? SS: Self medicate with alcohol and episodes of Survivor. Vent my anger at road cyclists while I drive. Cry into my pillow. Eat peanut butter straight from the jar and question my life decisions. Rinse, repeat. J: If you had $1 000 000 for research, what would you do? SS: Take a Bmedsci and give it to myself. Go travelling and study the impact of one million dollars worth of fun on the health of the average medical seahorse. Win awards. J: Fave lecturer? SS: I know you said pick one but I pick two; the Sontags for their comically french accents. They no joke sound like Steve Martin in the Pink Panther.

J: If not med then what? SS: Tough one. Medicine took up most of the spots on my uni preferences after high school. I filled out the remainder with various marine biology degrees. I’m sure eventually I would’ve been drawn back to Elias on some serendipity swag. Our personalities are simply too magnetic.

J: What 3 things would you give martians SS: Influenza, HIV and whatever pathogen caused the plague. Their immunity couldn’t handle it like in that War of the Worlds documentary. J: What would a drink named after you be called? SS: If it was named after my self wouldn’t it be called the Seahorse? The reason why is because you stipulated that it was named after myself? Your question angers me. Next.

J: If you could meet anyone SS: Helen of Troy. Just to see what all the bloody fuss was about. Team Ductus would like to thank the Social Seahorse for taking time out of his hectic social schedule to have a chat with us. We love you SS. Xxxxxx chootz.

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Our funding, your skillstogether we can make a difference

Life c hangin

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2013 Elective Grants Program for Medical Students Supporting Medical Students in Developing Communities $2,000 to fund your chosen elective

$3,500 Grants

$1,500 to supply medicines or other aid

Always on your side

By Jillian Neve

James Wayte, otherwise known as Cottee’s, Waytey, Jack, Lames or the affectionate “Jimmy”, is the 2013 sponsorship officer.

He got the job not only on account of his bedazzling looks, intelligence and charm but also thanks to his extensive skills and experience in bribery. This talent, which holds him in good stead as he finds himself faced with the challenge of sweet-talking potential sponsors, also manifests itself in the PBL tute-room with his baking skills. As any member of James’ PBL groups past and present will tell you, his home-made cheese-andvegemite-scroll has got him out of many a tight spot on a Tuesday morning. His fellow students (and tutors) spend the sessions so busy enjoying the tasty snacks that they never notice the fact that he has only done one half of a medsci learning target and has not even looked at profprac. Instead, the preceeding week had been spent playing minesweeper and watching fail videos on Youtube. But that is all rendered irrelevant as his culinary genius bestows on him more respect and awe than a brilliant biliary system-diagram or history-taking mnemonic ever could.

As a mature and grown-up second year, he has now left these slacking-ways behind him but first years, take note of this exclusive recipe from the master himself: Ingredients:

3 cups self raising flour 1 pinch salt 50 g butter 375 ml milk 1 -2 tablespoon vegemite 200 g grated tasty cheese

Directions:

One

Sift flour and salt into a bowl then rub through butter. Stir in enough milk to make soft dough. Knead gently on a lightly floured surface, and then roll to form a 40 cm x 25 cm rectangle.

Two

Spread the Vegemite over the dough then sprinkle over 3/4 of the cheese. Roll up along the long side to enclose the cheese. Cut 10 x 4cm pieces from the roll and place close together, cut side up on a greased baking tray.

Three

Sprinkle with the remaining cheese and bake in a hot oven 220ºC for 15-20 minutes or until cooked and golden.

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By Steve Hurwitz

How did you Get Accepted?

In my application I focused on 3 things. 1. Why I would be a good representative for the Uni. 2. How I would be able to balance academia plus everything else that comes with exchange. 3. WHY I WANT TO GO TO NORWAY ON EXCHANGE!

where did you live?

I lived in the Sogn Studenbyen (The Sogn Student Village). It is similar to Evatt House in the sense that it’s all students but you cook your own meals. Heaps and heaps of exhange students from all over the world lived in this Village. It’s a 15 minute walk from the main hospital (where lectures and teaching were) and 10 minute walk from a major train station.

How was it like academically?

The facilities at the University of Oslo and the main teaching hospital (Rikshospitalet) are great! The lectures are probably just as good (or bad) as they are here. They don’t do long attachments to teams like we do in our Medicine and Surgery rotations, instead you have scheduled clinical teaching on Monday to Wednesday mornings. This means you get protected teaching with professors and don’t need as many contact hours, but as a result of that the Norwegian’s clinical skills probably aren’t as good as ours.

What did you do Outside ClassEs?

Travel! Every Thursday is a ‘study day’ and Fridays are only lectures, which means the capacity for long weekends is high! There are always other exchange students keen to travel, which means you can go anywhere with almost anyone! I also joined Medicinsk Paradeorchæster (MPO), the med student marching band, which was awesome (I played the cymbal) and went to every Medical Society event I could.

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how much did it cost and where did you get the money from?

The University advises $12-15000 for one semester. That’s probably about right (including travel during the semester. I got an interest free OS-Help Loan of $5,500, $2,200 from iLead, $4,000 in Youth Allowance payments while I was overseas, and then added on savings from work. Exchange is expensive, especially in Norway, but there are plenty of funding options available to Australian citizens.

did you need to speak norwegian?

Nei! Engelsk er bra! All Norwegians speak English fluently and the course is delivered in English. I did a Norwegian Language course anyway (and passed!) because I wanted to take the opportunity to learn more about the culture, and I met heaps of cool people in the process, who were from all over Europe and the world.

What was the most random experience you had?

I went to a bar in Minsk and met a Belarussian sitar player. Pastiest sitar player I’ve ever met.

Lowlight?

Costs and lack of sun. Oslo is one of the most expensive cities in the world, so I had to eat pretty basic food for 5 months. The benefit was that when ever I went travelling I was also going somewhere cheaper! In winter the sun rises around 8:30 and sets around 3:30, that sucked a bit, but the snow was great.

HighLights?

I went with MPO on a trip to Denmark and played at the Finnish, Swedish and Norwegian Embassies. So random. So awesome.

PHOTOSb

1. Travel buddies and I with the Belarusian sitar player. 2. Me in my weekly game of Innebandy hi fiving ‘the train’. 3. Medicinsk paradeorchaeste doing a march on a street in Copenhagen. We refused to move for traffic. 4. Lying on the frozen lake- Sognsvann. 5. Stepping off the frozen lake-Sognsvann.

Nottingham vs Oslo: The Facts University

University of Nottingham

University of Oslo/ Universitetet I Oslo

Founding Date

1881

1811

World Ranking

120 (Times Higher Education)

201 - 225 (Times Higher Education)

Motto

Number of Students

A City Built on Wisdom 34’000

Language of Instruction English No. of Med Students Medical Society

Student Accommodation Cost of Living Hospitals Fee

Interesting Facts Summer average (°C) Winter average (°C)

330/ year

Nott Medsoc

University Halls of Residence. 15 halls housing about 4’000 students. Approx £800 per month

Queen’s Medical Centre, Nottingham City Hospital, Derby Hospitals, King’s Mill Hospital, Lincoln County Hospital. £9000 per year

Much of the MRI development work was carried out at Nottingham. 21

1.3

27’700

WACH semester is taught in English 2’128 registered

Medicinerforeninger

Student Housing administered by the Foundation for Student Life in Oslo. Approx AUD8’405 per semester

Split between several university hospitals in the Oslo area.

Higher education is free in Norway. Approximately $70 goes to the student welfare body per term. A research-based university, Oslo is intensively involved in breakthrough discoveries. 22 -7

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Charity Trivia Night

Photos courtesy of Ming Yong

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Don’t worry, you’re in safe hands

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Membership includes healthcare indemnity and additional insurance covers and protection for members. And there’s no charge for student membership. Students can join at mips.com.au/join and practising healthcare professionals can request a quote at mips.com.au/quote

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By Jillian Neve

The Ten Commandments of Medcest 1. 2. 3.

4. 5.

6. 7.

8. 9.

Aim to avoid any involvement in this practice but lets be realistic: it is probably going to happen. People will talk. Better to accept that now and get over it. Don’t be afraid of sloppy seconds, especially as you progress through the years. Chances are, if they are getting with you, they have gotten with others before.

The three-day rule: wait three days before admitting to anything. By that time, most people have lost interest.

There are definite advantages included in going for people in other years (ie. no lecture hall awkwardness). Try for two years apart because if they fail or take a year off, they could end up in your PBL/rotation. Be discrete in your choice of location: maybe not at the next med event smack bang in the middle of the DF.

Not only are these recommendations for your own sanity and happiness during the course, but also for the wellbeing of everyone else who has to witness the drama and hold your hand along the way.

Stereotypes to avoid 1.

It’s not a bad idea to get with someone who never comes to lectures, that way you avoid seating dilemmas. Alternatively, always arrive late in order to determine where not to sit.

Beware of the crazy ex, and always have an escape plan.

Try and get the story behind their ‘Rem name, it could hold some nasty secrets you’re better of knowing now.

10. It is better to be making the joke than be the joke. Take everything with a decent helping of humour.

The gunner - He’d rather study anatomy in the Med Reserve than spend a lovely night out. Far worse than that, he moves to the AIC when the library closes. Gasp. The “bad-ass” med student - Too cool to study, pretty egotistical, tends to preach. Thing you’ll hear a lot “Medicine is so easy” and “I didn’t move a finger and I got top quartile.” Pfft yeah right.

The “ladies man” A.K.A. slut, man whore - They guy who has made out with almost every girl in your cohort. Don’t believe him if he tells you you’re “the one” because you’re not. The questionable entry - He may be lovely and cool, but it’s not worth spending most of your relationship wondering how he got into medschool. The loner - Yes, he might be a sweet soul deep down but probably he’s just plain weird and will end up specialising in pathology. The twelve year-old - The one who spends all of reproductive anatomy labs giggling at the specimens and prodding at them like it’s the funniest thing in the world. The political one - being president of some ‘soc’ may be appealing, but you’d have to put up with his political banters and rants, and they may not be pleasant.

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By Seshika Ratwatte

Not long ago I got a phone call from someone I am very close to in absolute hysterics. They were so worked up and so distressed that they no longer believed that people loved them, the phrases ‘worst day of my life’, ‘you don’t know how bad I’m feeling’, ‘a while ago I started thinking that maybe I couldn’t do things and somewhere along the way I started believing it enough for it to be true’, ‘I’m so scared of the future,’ were all cried to me. They say you can tell you love someone when you can share in the full strength of their happiness and feel the full strength of their pain. Let me tell you, a glimpse of this person’s pain was enough to break something inside of me. I can’t bear to think what it is to constantly live with such self doubt, to live with such little self worth. This tiny window into the thoughts of someone who has depression and anxiety scared me. I believe that mental health, in particular depression and anxiety, is not something you can truly understand unless you have had some sort of direct experience with it: either personally or watching someone close to you struggle with it. It can be incredibly frustrating as a bystander to watch someone struggle to overcome it. There has been numerous times that I have wanted shake a different thought pattern into people, to scream ‘just take control of your actions, make yourself not feel bad’. But depression does not work like that. It is not something you can shake off in 2 weeks like a virus or remove in a few hours like your appendix; treatment is a long process and it’s a disease which rears its head time and time again.

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Mental health issues affect our communities so strongly and the burden is particularly high amongst young people. In the 1524 year age group mental health issues account for 55% of the total burden of disease. Mental health conditions in anyone can be debilitating, but in this age group it is

particularly significant because it marks a point where we are making significant decisions in our lives. It’s when you finish school, go to university or TAFE, or get job, start a family; you’re trying to form lasting relationships. Yeah this can all sound like the type of thing you turn your nose up at at an Interactional Skills session, but I think to myself about it would be like to do any off these things whilst suffering from depression and then the significance hits me a bit more.

Even the most pragmatic of people in our society should be able to appreciate the financial burden of mental disease. In 2009, mental illness in the 12-25 age group cost Australia $10.6billion, with 70.5% of this due to the costs of lost productivity from people not being able to work and contribute to their full potential. Bottom line: these are significant issues which need to be addressed.

It is important to be aware that mental health within our own cohort is significant. We’re studying a highly demanding course, stress is high, pressure is high, the majority of us are Type A personalities and high achievers, we are confronted with other people’s personal issues and circumstances in the hospital or on placement and this means there are times when we all struggle to cope. For many of us this represents a bad day or week, or a stressful exam period. None the less it is important to look out for each, and especially watch for when these feelings may not be transient.

The positive thing is there are steps being taken to address mental illness in our community. At the first AMSA Council this year the Student Mental Health and Wellbeing Policy was passed which called on Governments, Universities and Medical Faculties to work to address these issues. Furthermore, this year our Faculty is pushing through their ‘Student Welfare and Fitness to Practice policy’ which aims to provide long term support for students

with hardships. On a broader scale there are very public initiatives by organisations like Beyond Blue to inform people about mental health and how to seek help. Initiatives like these are helping to break down the stigma which still surrounds mental illness. More people know about these illnesses, more people talk about them and more importance is placed on them. There is clearly a long way to go but at least we are heading in the right direction.

As medical students and future health practitioners we have a lot of responsibilities to society and each other as peers. I believe that helping to address mental health issues is one such responsibility. Whether it be through providing a support network for our friends and colleagues, or spending that extra bit of time with patients who are struggling to cope and pointing them in the right direction to get help, or advocating to the government with bigger organisations about the importance of these issues, we all have a role to play.

I write this article not to get you down, or say the world is a horrible place, nor to preach at you, but rather to share my small story (albeit in a fairly superficial way) in the hopes that it gets these issues a bit more out in the open in our community and to encourage you to consider how in little ways you can do your bit. Seshika Ratwatte t President, UNMS

Work, Life & Balance

To do the best you can at uni, you need to strike a balance in your life among all of your commitments, ensuring that you have adequate time out.

Take this short quiz to see if you’re in balance: Do you agree that: 1. I find it hard to relax 2. I don’t have many interests outside of uni 3. I often feel anxious about university work

4. I rarely have enough time to spend with friends/family 5. I don’t have time to have some fun each week 6. On most days I feel overwhelmed / over committed 7. I often feel exhausted or don’t sleep well 8. I often skip meals or eat junk food 9. I drink alcohol often or a lot 10. I often think about uni when I’m not there 11. My friends/family get upset about how much time I spend on university.

more interesting to and interested in, those around us.

What supports Balance?

Relaxation and meditation - When we feel overloaded with work, we can get caught in a cycle of thinking about life negatively – focusing on what’s wrong. There is evidence that performance can be improved by visualising the result we want. Visualise yourself relaxing, succeeding, finishing an assignment etc and notice how this helps you reach your goals. Everyone finds different activities relaxing – reading a magazine, cooking, lying on the beach, walking in nature, gardening. Determine what it is that you find relaxing and include it in your day. Meditation has been found to be one of the most relaxing activities for many people. There are many types of relaxation – muscle relaxation, guided imagery, mindfulness, energy clearing, spiritual – experiment with meditation to see if it can work for you.

If you agree with 4 or more of these, you may be losing your balance! Organisation - Use a diary to plan timetables for lectures, work commitments and free time so you can plan recreational activities and to optimize productivity. Ideally, you need a few days off during each semester and mid-semester break, one full day off per week, a few hours off each day and a few minutes off each hour. Plan your study times and other activity times! Exercise - Movement provides your mind with rest and your body with health! There is overwhelming research that exercise is the most valuable contributor to good physical and mental health. Find something you enjoy that is physical and do it regularly. Join a team, walk, swim, dance, organise some of your social activities around exercise!

Socialise - We all have friends and family who love us, listen to us, help us solve problems and feel understood. We need to maintain these networks and enjoy social time out without feeling that we should be studying! Social life helps us focus when we do study.

Interests and hobbies - Many people love to read a good novel, see a movie, commit to a TV series, cook a new recipe, or knit a sweater. These are things we love to do, that renew our energy and distract us from work and study. They make us

Sleep and nutrition - Sleep is critical to optimal functioning. Everyone needs time to allow the body and mind to refresh themselves. Chronic sleep deprivation affects performance in the same way as being drunk! If you have difficulty sleeping, seek help. On the other hand, when we study and work all the time, we sometimes skip meals or eat convenience foods, which may lack the nutrition we need to feed our brains and bodies. Drink plenty of water, eat healthy, regular meals and use alcohol and other drugs responsibly.

Values - We are all motivated by our values, so it is helpful to review them occasionally to remind us why we are here doing our study, working towards our goals. Self reflection takes time and privacy and setting time aside for this helps maintain the balance.

Taken from: Tip Sheet for Work, Life and Balance, Student Support Tip Sheet, produced by the University of Newcastle Counselling Service - http://www.newcastle.edu. au/service/counselling/resourcesand-tip-sheets.html

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Review by Ming Yong

Peter Pansystolic - what does that have to do with anything closely med-related? It just has the word “Pansystolic” in it. But see, that is the beauty of MedRevue. You never know what you are in for until you are sitting in the audience, and the lights go out - the lights come back on. And in comes the first scene. So what was Peter Pansytolic all about? Basically, it was about a dean who wanted the research program eradicated - research was a waste of time! Everyone knows a stethoscope and a tendon hammer makes medicine! No room for research here. But wait, someone was in this man’s way. Cue Peter, the boy who never grows up in the world of medicine because what he does is a BMedSci over and over and over again.

With that plot in mind comes in a crazy wild night of colours, dance and music. Some of the craziest lyrics were heard! Not to mention the bright colours of costumes, the puns, the inside jokes. To say the least, it was brilliant! So here are a list of three of the top highlights from Peter Pansystolic if you saw it last year, then I hope these highlights from my account would refresh your memories and put a grin back on your face. If you did not see it last year, then I hope this gives you a vague ideaof what MedRevue is all about!

One

The song “can you feel the glove tonight” in the tune of “can you feel the love tonight.” “And can you feel this glove tonight Now The lube is cold It’s enough for this prostate exam To do what you’re told And can you feel this glove tonight Won’t you let me rest?

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It’s enough to make you hate your doctor

Believe it’s for the best”

Two

The scene about UNSW. It was a Bollywood themed scene. Put two and two together and you have one of the best inter-university banters put to play! In the tune of California Gurls: “MBBS girls We’re unforgettable Research year Is compulsory Cadavers The things we do are illegal (Ewww eww ewww)

MBBS girls We’re undeniable Priviledged brats All from private schools Eastcoast represent Study for six years (Oooh oh Oooh)”

Three

Under the Sea (Where it’s wetter). To put into context, the midwives in the play are singing this to a medical student. “You have to study and read books Under the sea we’re off the hook

We got no troubles life is the bubbles Under the sea, under the sea Since life is so sweet here We get them here naturally

Even the surgeons come and say That they all want to come and play

They want to lick it Not just to quick hit it, under the sea”

I will let the wall of photos on the next page do the all talking. All I can say is, I simply cannot wait for MedRevue 2013. What will it have in store for us? What foreign lands and distant worlds will it bring us to? What adventures will it take us on? And who will be taking us there...?

Recap: Peter Pansystolic

Photos courtesy of Alex Amory

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A Note from Frostie MedRevue 2012 – Peter Pansystolic

7th and 8th of September, 2012 The Civic Playhouse

Over 2 nights, close to 400 medical students, friends, family and doctors (read: future employers) descended upon Newcastle’s historic Civic Playhouse to witness one of the top 20 most anticipated MedSoc events of the calendar year. For 3 months, 43 dedicated Med students prepared themselves for a show that would go down in MedRevue history. For many of them, this was the first time they had ever performed in front of an audience. All of their time and effort was spent working to bring to life the story of Peter Pansystolic – a medical student everyman struggling to find his place amongst medicine. Their efforts culminated in 2 soldout nights of music, dance, laughs, political incorrectness and venereal disease that could only be found in Newcastle. After MedRevue 2012, nobody would ever look at a speculum the same way again.

A massive thanks to all the cast and crew who helped bring Peter Pansystolic to life, and to all those who attended and supported the show. Special thanks go to Alexander Amory for his ability to make chlamydia funny, Hannah Coleman for her choreography, and Scott Craythorn for his tireless assistance. Already students are speculating as to what new talent, new adventure and new challenges MedRevue 2013 will bring, with the question on everyone’s lips being “who will the story revolve around this year?” …..Or rather, Which?

Thomas Yu c MedRevue Coordinator, 2012.

MedRevue 2013 32

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A Note from Scott Once a year, Med students from years 1-5 are given a chance to break free from the strictures of study and clinical oppression, to step out of the shadow of their lecturers and consultants, to speak instead of listen, to sing instead of suffer under the “quiet please” of the Libraries… Just once in a year, Med students have the freedom to express their creativity, to dance their hearts out and celebrate their uniqueness! I speak of course of MedRevue.

In 2011 a new tradition was started at UoN. Prior to that year, MedRevue was an individualized performance of skits, songs and entendre, but that year, a stalwart group of Med students, captained by Alexander Amory and Alex Newton, revolutionised the performance, turning it from Skit show into a unified performance in the form of a Musical Comedy called “Glee-P” an entertaining look at GP placements. In 2012, Alexander returned, and working with the 2012 Co-ordinator Thomas Yu (known as “Frosty”), created “Peter Pansystolic” – An exciting and inspiring journey to the Neverland known as the B-Med-Sci. Under the direction of Alexander and Frosty, the show was a smash hit, selling out two nights, and cementing not only the eternal fame and glory of those who took part, but also their everlasting love of musical theatre (and each other).

This Year, MedRevue will again take the form of musical comedy. Already the show is shaping up to be bigger and better than any Med Revue that has come before, with many previous participants aching to be a part of it, as well as plenty of fresh recruits volunteering to be a part of the greatest thing that UoN has ever seen! Every year a new group of students is bought together, and every year, new friendships, amazing experiences, and even new romances are created by those who participate! Auditions will be

held at the end of April and early May, and if there is anything you can count on it is that no one who takes part in this show will regret it! It doesn’t matter if you can sing/ dance/act! MedRevue is all about taking part and having fun, and for those who aren’t performance minded but still want to be a part of things, there is always costumes, props and other behind the scenes jobs to do! If you want to be a part of something special, then check Facebook for details or email me at MedRevueuon@gmail.com and let me know!

MedRevue - There is no greater way to make yourself known, to make your voice heard, to celebrate you uniqueness, than musical theatre. The performances will take place around August/September this year.

Scott Craythorn n MedRevue Coordinator, 2013

Excited for MedRevue 2013? That was a rhetorical question. Of course we all are! Here is a teaser to end this feature b

By Ductus Doctor

Dear Ductus Doctor, I’m a 23 year-old male with a few notches on the bedpost but I’m getting to the point where I no longer want the girl to be totally wasted when we do the deed. The problem is, I have a smaller-than-average penis and I’m very self-conscious about it. I’m worried that this will affect my chances of finding a sober lady friend to share some sexy-time with. I’ve read about penis enlargement surgery but my Youth Allowance doesn’t stretch to cover it. What can I do? - Chode Well Chode, you find yourself in a not-unique position. In fact, one in ten men think that their penis is too small and a whopping 45% wish that their member was larger (Lever, Frederick, Peplau 2006). Recently, the University of Ottowa’s study revealed that “males with a larger penis were rated relatively more attractive” (Mautz, Wong, Peters, Jennions 2013). Consequently, evidence-based-medicine has shown its face in social media and been cruelly distributed by cranky women and overcompensating men alike, trying to cut down the little people (no pun intended).

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But damn, penis enlargement surgery sounds like a fairly extreme solution. It’s very Austin Powers of you. Whatever you do, DO NOT ingest anything claiming to increase your size. Also, the idea of DIY tattoos and implants may interest you as an alternative to undergoing such expensive surgery. Know this: although such practices are running riot in the Australian prison system, with six percent of prisoners having undergone some kind of self-modification, they are 100% unadvisable. (True Story: the skin of the penis is sliced, filed down dice and ball bearings are placed inside, it is all bound back up with stickytape.) (Yap, Kirby Institute UNSW) Avoid these procedures at all costs. Not only do they lead to nasty subcutaneous in-

fections, they also decrease the effectiveness of condoms and create discomfort for women. Not what you’re looking for. As everybody knows: It’s not about the size of the boat, it’s the motion in the ocean. But how true is this wonderful, hope-inspiring saying? Perhaps your first step would be to see if your penis size has ever actually bothered the women you’ve slept with. It may be (and probably is) that none of the women would have minded, even if they had not been intoxicated to “totally wasted” proportions. It may also be that your concern is a product of your own paranoia and insecurities, in which case these should be dealt with as a separate issue.

As a final word of advice, you should try thinking more about making sure your partner is having a good time, rather than you feeling good about the size of your shlong. Dear Ductus Doctor,

I heard this terrifying story the other day about a girl dying when a guy was eating her out. I never knew that oral sex could be so dangerous! What’s the deal Ductus Doctor?! - Scared Dear Scared. Your question is very vague and not entirely worthy of a response. However, upon investigation into the field of medicine it concerns, we found some interesting stories we deemed worth sharing.

Of course, one hears about young people dying spontaneously and randomly all the time. It’s tragic, and frightening, how easy it apparently is for one of us to just keel over dead one day while walking through the condiments aisle at Coles. Hypertrophic obstructive cardiomyopathies, cerebral aneurysms, Jaqen H’ghar types running loose causing people to simply drop dead-it seems there is no place left to hide from spontaneous expiration these days. Bring sex into the equation and there are even more

grisly ways to pop your clogs.

What you are most probably referring to is the bizarre phenomenon: vaginal insufflation. In this potentially lethal process, air is introduced into the vagina by means of blowing (oral sex) or the insertion of inanimate objects (such as carrots, as recorded in this International Journal of Legal Medicine article, Marc, Chadly et al 1990), which serve to act as a piston in the same way as a syringe does, forcing air up the vagina and into the uterus. While often harmless and leading to nothing more than a slightly embarrassing “queef”, in certain cases the air can travel through the uterine wall. Air is introduced into the systemic venous system via the patulous sinuses in the uterus and quickly makes its way into the IVC and up to the heart, where subsequent ventricular failure occurs and the individual dies. Not the nicest way to go. Luckily, these deaths are usually associated with women in middle stages of pregnancy, during illegal (and completely irresponsible) abortion practices (Polson et al- 1985) and during 19th century treatments of trichomoniasis, where ozone (yes, the highly reactive and toxic compound) was pumped into the uterus to kill the colonizing bacteria (Brown 1943, Breyfogle 1945). So unless you fit into any of these categories, the chance of an air embolus being introduced to your system through some sort of unusual sexual behaviour is very slim. Happy fellating!

Help Ductus Doctor! I am currently in my third year of medicine and, to be honest, I’m sick of going out and partying all the time. I think I know what might be missing: Love! One-night stands with my usual nursing student prey no longer satisfy me and I think I might be ready to settle down. I’ve spent so far this semester trying to find myself a girlfriend

around uni. My ideal girlfriend would also study medicine, so that I could do things like copy her notes and practice kinky examinations on her. But my search has been in vain, no such fine ladies have shown themselves willing to be my personal sandwich-maker. I have no idea what I am doing wrong but surely this is not normal. Girls are just so weird. What’s your advice? - Forever Alone Well Forever Alone, your problem is one not unknown to many of us sexually frustrated, struggling and stressed medical students. DD believes that the key to getting any girl is a combination of lowering your standards and pretending to be someone you are not. This may be different to the wishy-washy Professional-Practise-esque message broadcast by companies who want to build up your self-esteem, but it is the brutal truth.

So stop thinking you deserve better and start behaving as if you were perfect boyfriend material (which you are obviously not). She will NOT love you as you are. Things I would begin working on include (a) your track record as a man-slut: pull a few less-attractive girls and spread the word about how amazing their personalities are, and (b) the sexist ‘tude: drop it, at least in public. We all know that the title “sandwich-maker” is a compliment because, yes, girls are good at making sandwiches (and not much else), but it has just become too unPC to say that out loud. I blame social-media-fueled feminism. As to your penchant for dating a fellow student, I have the following to add: While yes, historically, many doctors end up together with the people they studied with with, it is also important to sometimes take a step back and look around HB15 or Customs House the next time a bunch of medical students are grouped together. Seen from a completely objective point of view, you’ll come to realize that we are hardly the most attractive demographic around. I’m not

talking about physical attractiveness (have you seen those fourth year babes?!), I’m talking about “partner-potential”. We study; the only way we know how to party is to binge drink until we get taken home in an ambulance (YES, MESSY FIRST YEAR); we study; we spend most of our free time thinking about medical school; we study; we laugh about how much better we are than UNE; we study; we moan about how poor we are and will be for the next 8 years, we study; we gloat about how much money we will have in 30 years; we study some more. In a nutshell, medical students are nerds with little to no lives outside their career! Why would you want to date a girl like that? I’m not saying you shouldn’t dip your pen in the JMP ink, I’m just suggesting that you scratch “medical student” off the “prerequisites” column of your girlfriend application form. If all else fails, just send a nude snapchat to the entire medical cohort and cross your fingers.

Team Ductus would like to thank Ductus Doctor for answering our questions. If you have a question for DD, send an email to publications@unms.org.au and we will forward it to our dear sassy old friend. To anyone keen, DD is also a spinster who is actively on the prowl, so look out boys. Reowwww. Above: Photo of DD, who opted not to reveal her face “because it’s full of wrinkles.”

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By Elias Sachawars

As the dust settles on the very successful and widely lauded Pub Walking Dead event, I have taken the time to extensively research and reflect on the rumours that swirled around that fateful night. For those of you out of the loop, here is the general gist of the rumour mill; ACA were apparently filming for some story that night, and some of us may or may not have been captured on film.

rom the journal of S. Seahorse, 10/4/2013

1930 hours: Arrive at CBD hotel. 1st one here. Hella awkz. More awkz than Mordor 1945 hours: Hanging out by myself where are you people get around me 2000 hours: UNMS Sugar Daddy is here let’s get this party started chootz

Obviously there is no reason to panic. We have no idea what they filmed, what the context of their story is or if they were even there that night. And yet....

2100 hours: Tahl is yelling about music and Sheeran can’t figure out how to work a door these first years are dumb as hell

While the supposed ACA story could range anywhere from polite writeup of newcastle nightlife to mistaken coverage of a real zombie apocalypse, the medical student in me naturally wants to plan for the worst case scenario. What if the focus was specifically on drinking culture amongst medical students?

2120 hours: Hashtag beerz4yeerz y’hrrrrd

….Panic. Defcon 6. Baton down the hatches. Lock up various family members and run for your lives.

Nah son. You ain’t gonna do the bigdawg dirty like dat.

In a defence similar to that employed by B-Rabbit in 8 Mile, if I get all the dirty laundry out first, ACA will surely have nothing to battle rap about. In essence this article will serve to beat ACA to the punch.

So here are the facts, as reported to me by a very reliable source that recorded the nights events as they happened. I have de-identified this person/marine animal for the sake of his/her/it’s protection. So from here they will only be referred to as Social S. No wait, that’s too obvious, let’s go with S. Seahorse.

2105 hours: YO WHAT IS SHEERANS REAL NAME DOES ANYONE KNOW

2145 hours: I reckon I could type with my elbows 2146 hours: ANHGTYHING ISD POSSBUIKE IF YOJOU JUST BELIRVHE 2200 hours: Some girl getting a lift home from friendly ambulance officers lawl #dontturnanightoutintoanightmare 2215 hours: WHAT IF EASTER WAS JUST THE STORY OF ZOMBIE JESUS REAL TALK 2300 hours: Some sort of commotion at Customs clearly news of my impending arrival has spread 2310 hours: JEWSPAPERS. 0000 hours: Maccas run my world tastes like big mac sauce 0030 hours: ADD ME ON SNAPCHAT YO USERNAME VAGSLAYA 0200 hours: Back home safely in my seabed

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There you have it. The hard cold facts from that night, straight from the horses mouth so to speak. Monkeys out of the bottle, ACA, so theres no use trying to expose the cadavers in our closet. I guess you have a foot fetish now, because you know what defeat tastes like. In the immortal words of B-Rabbit; “I turn around with a great smile/and walk my white ass back across the 8mile.”

Recap: Photos from the pub walking dead

Wise words little rabbit. Wise words.

UPDATE

4/5/13

So the video came out before this story did. Clearly the ACA producers have also seen 8-mile. Not only did they employ an 8-mile defence, they anticipated my 8-mile defence and 8-milenception’d me. While i’m annoyed they got the jump on me and spoiled my fantastically well written article, I have to give credit where it’s due. Here I was thinking I was winning at checkers when we were playing chess the whole damn time. Despite losing this battle of the wits, it’s a relief to now know the story wasn’t at all a big deal. There was a period of uncertainty there that i’m happy to move on from. In the end we mostly served as filler shots during a story about how bouncers had to deal with drunk people. Groundbreaking stuff as always ACA.

Photos courtesy of Courtney Rasmussen

Want to give a quick shout out to the first and third years who managed to make the ACA reel – you’ve done your social convenor proud. Second years: pick up your game, you’re embarrassing me. The closest you got to making the video was Alex Dennis performing first aid on that dude. Also would like to apologise to anyone reading who has not seen 8-mile and/or the ACA video, this whole article probably didn’t make a lot of sense to you. I congratulate on you on reading this far regardless though, it is a testament to your perseverance. Bigdawg out.

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