3 minute read
Happy glamper
UNO editor Hayley Barnett gets back to nature in Otorohanga, without being denied any of the luxuries she’d find at a five-star hotel.
WORDS HAYLEY BARNETT
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Perched on a hill deep in the Otorohanga countryside sits a large tent and two small shacks. Standing on the deck, I admit the view isn’t too shabby. It overlooks rolling hills, a kiwifruit orchard and a charming little pond surrounded by a gaggle of geese and rafter of turkeys. But I also have to admit that staying in a tent on a romantic holiday away makes me nervous. I would expect a kid-free weekend to be at least slightly more luxurious than our usual washed out camping trips. And, although we’re glamping, the idea of staying in a kiwifruit orchard without wifi might be pushing it.
Luckily, Orchard Valley Glamping is delightfully deceptive. It takes already-luxurious glamping to a whole new level. When I say tent, I mean it in the loosest sense of the word. Entering the meticulouslydesigned two-bed open structure feels as if you’ve stepped into a luxury lodge in Africa. Not at all what you would expect in the hills of Otorohanga. The spacious room sleeps four people with a lounging area between beds, complete with an eco fire and cabinet full of games.
To the right of the tent, just a few metres away, is an outhouse offering an overhead shower inside a clawfoot bathtub, which sits next to a flushing composting toilet and a bucket full of bird food for the ever-hungry turkeys and geese. This is many steps up from our regular family campground toilet block.
To the left of the tent is an open kitchen hut, sheltered outdoor dining area and a wood-fired hot tub. Giant marshmallows, Whittaker’s chocolate and Digestive cookies await us in their separate jars, supposedly for the campfire below us.
My partner immediately sets up camp – his UE Boom – and plays some old-timey bangers from the early 1900s. It suits the scene perfectly. We feel as if we’ve been transported to another time, except we have a fridge, running water, a car and many eco-friendly luxuries that I didn’t even know existed.
Cheryl and Te Taki Tuarau “set up camp” here themselves five years ago when they bought a house on a higher hill just above the campsite. They wanted to live as sustainably as they could and offer accommodation in the same vein. The main idea was to teach their three kids how to live off the land, and to share what they have with others. It’s a philosophy that shines through even in the small details during our stay at Orchard Valley. You’re getting back to basics, but in the most modern way possible.
The wood-fired hot tub is simple to use, though it takes a wee while to warm up. Around mid afternoon my partner throws a few bits of wood and some newspaper underneath the hot tub and sets it alight. At 8pm that night we take a dip as the sun goes down, then light the iron campfire and melt our giant marshmallows.
Getting back to nature has never been this easy and comfortable, but it feels like we’re doing just enough to be satisfied that we’re doing anything at all. Feeding the geese and turkeys when the sun rises and stoking the fire scratches that minuscule itch. And enjoying a midday soak before lounging in front of the indoor fire keeps a nice balance between effort and lack thereof. If you’re after an escape into nature, with the least effort possible, this is the holiday for you.
