An OrdinaryByAche Eva Kennedy
In quiet moments where I curl up in my dressing gown, eat toast in front of the telly, I want to be at peace. That little voice that says ‘you’re not attractive now’: she’s only whispering. Have you ever sat next to someone and watched your thighs spread like butter across the couch? ‘You are so chunky’ my little voice remarks in case they’re thinking it too. Puffy-eyed, matted hair, eating breakfast in mismatched pyjamas, ‘thank God no-one can see me now’. Trying on an elegant dress only to stare with horror at someone gross in the mirror. ‘You’ll never be the desirable girl you are trying to buy your way into being’. You know that feeling, you know that ache. Perceiving how we look to others, it’s the craft of being a girl. The shame in ‘realising’ we may look undesirable in a particular situation. Failing. Pretty, an imperative measure of success. Page 22
