Vortex UoW 2010

vortex 2010 Edition

The process by which each edition of VORTEX comes about is both an arduous and an exciting one; arduous because of the hours of work that go into the selection and preparation process (for which especial thanks are due to the Editorial Board, and in particular Judith Heneghan), and exciting because of the sheer volume of high quality work we regularly receive from both Winchester students and those studying at other UK universities. This edition of VORTEX is perhaps even more exciting, however, because it is the first published under the auspices of Winchester University Press, which has now formally taken the magazine under its wing. In reality this changes little about the process of production, but it does raise the profile even further of VORTEX within the realms of university publishing in the UK as a whole.

Competition to be included in VORTEX is (as always) fierce. Due to the large number of submissions we are only able to publish around 20% of the work we receive, which is a very healthy situation whilst at the same time being a little sad for all those who are unsuccessful. What it DOES mean, however, is that those whose work is accepted have every right to feel extremely proud of themselves. The 2010 edition of the magazine is as such of the high standard we have come to expect.

Editorial Board Judith Heneghan Andrew Melrose Carole Burns Mark Rutter Julian Stannard Judy Waite Joan McGavin Nick Joseph

Guide to Submissions Students from the University of Winchester wishing to submit work to be considered by the VORTEX Editorial Board, should send all submissions to Neil McCaw (Neil.Mccaw@ winchester.ac.uk) by 30th April 2011. All work should ideally be double-spaced, in 12 font; prose should be no longer than 2500 words, poetry should be no more than 50 lines (or 4 discrete poems).

I hope very much that you enjoy reading the work of the range of talented student writers we are featuring this year,

Students from outside the University of Winchester should send all submissions to Neil McCaw (Neil.Mccaw@winchester.ac.uk)

by March 31st 2011, and be sure to put their NAME and INSTITUTION in the header of each page of their work. Failure to do so will mean that the submitted work will not be considered. The same specifications for submissions apply as for Winchester students.

Neil McCaw Editor October 2010

For further information about VORTEX contact the Editor, Neil McCaw, at the above address.

A further exciting development this year is the online VORTEX archive; for all those interested in accessing virtual copies of all of our previous editions. This can be found here: http://www.nxtbook.com/fx/clients/uow/view.php

Contents page 02...

Harry Gallon, ‘Rest a while with Vincent and Mavis’

page 06...

Lucy Hermitage, ‘Ye Olde Humbug Shoppe’

page 08...

David Owen, ‘Penge Panther’

page 09...

Katy King, ‘On Admission to the Mental Hospital’

page 10...

Bethany Rae Dobbs, ‘The Flower of Knowledge’

page 14...

Sayuri Yamada, ‘Killing Me Softly’

page 16...

Lucy Hermitage, ‘All for the Love of Mary and Bert’

page 17...

Lucy Hermitage, ‘My House Rhino’

page 18...

Beatrice Murphy, ‘The New Shoreline’

page 20...

Franklin Mantle, ‘Sonnet’

page 22...

D Monaghan, ‘A Thousand Buckets of Tears’

page 26...

Ralph Jones, ‘Dinnertime’

page 27...

Sharon Wigley, ‘The Gender Thong ’

page 28...

Matt Elphick, ‘Nihilism Now’

page 32...

Stefan Mohamed, ‘Grand’

page 34...

Stefan Mohamed, ‘Moth’

page 38...

Zach Kennedy, ‘Heart Cries ‘Patti’’

page 39...

Zach Kennedy, ‘Dear Judas, Please Forgive Me’

page 40...

Zach Kennedy, ‘Chimney Monsters’

page 41...

Joe Allsopp, ‘Slamming: Delirium H’

page 42...

David Owen, ‘The World Turned to Glass’

page 43...

Michael Duffy, ‘Stefan’

page 44...

Michael Duffy, ‘To Norma’

page 45...

Michael Duffy, ‘To Marilyn’

Harry Gallon

02

So I’m lying in bed in a room in a motel and I’m charging myself up like I do in the mornings.

I can never sleep in. There’s a light over there on a table and it’s brighter than most lights.

Lying next to me is a half naked brunette, snoring like a freight train. I always did prefer brunettes.

I was here in the summer with Aunt Fanny. It was cousin Henrietta’s wedding. A big affair.

We drove all the way up from Hampshire for it and you know what? It was disappointing. We drove all the way up from Hampshire in our shit little hatchback which is great really. It has character, you know? I was driving. It’s on a joint insurance policy, or something. I don’t know much about all that crap. She sorts it out, Fanny I mean, not the half naked brunette lying nextt tto me. A Anyway we were passing i through th h some village ill called ll d C Crundale d l or Crowbrook C b k or maybe it began with an h? I don’t remember. What I do remember is seeing the police van, that camera sticking out of the top of it like a gun turret and saying, ‘shit I’m over the limit’ and then, ‘I’m not that much over’ and then, ‘I don’t think it’s being used anyway.’ They got me doing thirty eight in a thirty. That was in August.

Now it’s February and they’ve got me back here to do a course. That or pay a fine. Most watched country in the world. Would you believe it? Back where I live there’s a pair of closed circuit television cameras in the local playground. The playground! Would you believe it?

One of them is on the side of this little wooden hut, like a pavilion I guess, and it’s behind a little glass dome and if you go close to it you can hear it whizz and see it move. The other’s on top of a flag pole and about ten feet up that flag pole’s all covered in grease so you can’t climb it. Would you believe it?

Maybe you’re wondering what the hell this is all about, or why I’m even talking to you.

I suppose you think that I’m gonna talk to you about sex and drugs and rock and roll and I probably will. I will probably also talk about all kinds of crap like what it feels like to be lonely and depressed like it’s winter in your mind but then to love someone and feel like it’s springtime.

So maybe I feel like talking to you because it’ll make you laugh and feel good? Or maybe it’ll make me laugh and feel good? The thing is, I don’t think people should be alone. Age doesn’t matter. You can be eighteen or I guess maybe a bit younger and think, ‘this is right, this is who I want to go through life with.’

what has a kid got to feel sorry for anyway?

Id that rubbish bbish. That’s when Fanny took me to that little white building next to the lake which is a doctor’s surgery rgery. But I must have been too interesting because they packed me off to some specialist in the city. It on only happened in the winter, apparently. I guess I can be thankful for that. Only once a year. Only ly gre grey and wet and cold like all the dirt and misery of humanity is on my shoulders for a few months ths a year. But it doesn’t last long because then it is spring.

I guess I can be thankful for that.

So I suppose I should explain who’s who and d what’s wh what?

And I will. I’m Vincent. I’m in Wales.

The half naked brunette lying next to me is Mavis. My uncle had a dog named med Mavis once. It limped around everywhere and once I said, ‘Uncle, Mavis is limping’ and he justt said said, ‘don’t worry about her, she’s always limping around.’

I remember when I met her, the girl I mean. It was about midway through autumn and I remember feeling like, ‘oh great, time to break out the light.’ That’s one of the things they gave me, the specialists in the city. That and enough drugs to take down a horse. But she was sunshine, like Mother Nature had cut me some slack and skipped winter altogether.

I was sitting on a bench and I was alone because Joseph was at university and I was thinking ‘what the hell do I do with my life?’ Then this girl came over and sat next to me and asked me what the time was and I told her. I asked her what her name was and she told me her name was Mavis and I told her that my uncle had a dog called Mavis once. Told her how it was always limping about everywhere. The thing is I was crap with girls. Not now. Now I’m a king. Last night we fucked in an awkward knot of flesh and elbows and I think that’s how sex should be. I remember how I was before. Adolescent boy who slept with a hand on his cock and his head in the clouds. Pair of tits here, chance to score there. And I never did.

Like I said, I was crap with girls. But that was before.

a turban out of a shirt and I swear it was the funniest thing.

They ere we g all the way up to Wales then all the way back down all on the same day.’ And she’s right.

So I’m lying in bed in a room in a motel and I’m charging myself up like I do in the he mornings because I can never sleep in. There’s a light over there on a table and it’s brighte ter than most lights. Sometimes I think of myself as one of those children’s toys which you hold h in front of a light bulb and then it glows in the dark. Do you know what I mean? They y gave me a light and if you hold me in front of it I can glow in the dark. Otherwise I’m a leaf le in the autumn that doesn’t fall, left behind while the others gather in an orgy of decomp position and natural persuasion. But it’s okay, you know? I’ve learned that it’s okay because the he snow melts and the sun shines and the winter ends and then it is spring. When Mavis ask sked what the light was for and why I take it with me when I stay at her house or when we vi visited Joseph that time I told her and she said ‘that’s okay’ and I said ‘thank you’ because she he had this look on her face like it really was okay, would be from then on.

We’re going home today and when I leave this room I will gglow like Chernobyl. We’re going home but we thought we’d look around first, go for a w walk maybe, or the pub. She’s gorgeous, you know? Beautiful. I love the smell of her hair. r. I always did prefer brunettes.

Now she’s waking up. It’s about seven fifty in the morning. g. She rolls over onto her right side to face me and the duvet slips down over her chest just a little bit, reveals her right nipple, but ut she doesn’t mind. And I blush. Her lips move and the th sound that comes out is more like a sigh than han a question: ‘did you sleep well?’

And I say, ‘yes. es. Y Yes I slept very well.’

And then it is spring.

Lucy Hermitage

When W n finis ishi hing hi ng yyou ourr ic i e cr c ea eam, m, you mayy h hav a e th av he tastte fo forr soome meth thin in ng sw swee eete ter. r.. W Wh hilin hi ng away aw a you our Su Sund nday ay aaftter ernoon on on on Ma Marg rgat rg a e’ at e’ss ma main in san san nds d ; watcchi hing ng you ur gran andffat athe her do don n hi hs red re d sttripy bat athi hing ng ssho hort rtss an and d your ur gra rand ndm nd moth herr h her err mat a chin ng ba bath thin i g su uit it. Ye Yes, s, som met eth hing hi hin ng swee sw eeeter. eete teer. r.

Allong ong from om tthe he rat attl tlingg peenn ny arrcade caade d s an and d ju ust s past as Mr Pad Padge gen’ n’ss ar art gall ller ery y yo you u wi w lll fin nd d th that at p acce yo pl you’ u’re r loo ooki king n forr. It Itss wi wind dow o s gl glea eam m in n the he sun un,, an and d th thee ja jars r wit ithi hin n it ooz ozee th hat cerrtaain some so meth thin ingg – th that a sug ugar ary de d ligh ht – th that at littl tle bi bitt off mag agic icc. A be bell l h han ngs on n a pi piecee off b piec brrown twin tw inee ab abov ovve th thee do door o , an nd as you u eent n er it tink nkle les. s. Y You o wip ou ipe yoour u bare fe feet et on th the br briistly y dooor matt, ttwi ma witc tchi hing ng tthe h ssan he and d fr from o b bettween en you ourr tooes es.

Mr JJon ones es may b bee ti tidy dyyin ingg away ay som o e humbug u s, dus usti ting ti n icing from th ng the sccal a es or ha hang ngin in ng su suga garr m ce in th mi that d that dis isspl play ay ccab ay abin inet et n nex extt to the he till. l He tu urns rns an and d lo look oks dire r ct c ly aatt yo you. T Tod oday ay h hee ma may y bee wea wea e ri ring ng h his is ggla lass sses es oon n a st stri ring ng round nd hiss nec eck, k, or pe p rh hap ps he h still ll wea ears rs tthe h m ba he bala lanc n ed nc on h his is n nos ose; e; h hee neeed e s th hem w whe hen n co coun untiing out h hal alff-pe penn nnie ies or rrea eadi dingg the he ssca caale les. s. M Mrr Joone ness migh mi ghtt be beck ckon on n yyou ou ove ver, r, h his is llar arge g h ge han ands ds spr preaadi ding ng w wid idee in a typ ypee of w wavee; a che heer ery y he hell llo. He wear we arss hi h s ap apro roon fo fold lded oove lded ld ver, r, ttie ied d so ttig ight htly ly rrou ound nd h his is wai aist st tha hatt hi hiss sm smal alll mi midd ddle le-a -age ged d be bell lly ly prot pr otru rude d s ov de over er tthe he fab abri r c. IIn ri n hi hiss po pock cket ett are the he ttoo ools l ooff hi hiss tr trad ade: e: a llar arge ge p pla last stic ic ssco coop op pw wit ith h its sm it smal alle lerr co coun u te terp r arrt on o oone ne ccop op pper pee coloured d cha hain in,, an and d a sm smal alll pa pad d of thi h n pa pape peer he h ld d toge to g th ge ther er wit ith h a me meta tall co c ill. Th T re r ad aded eed d through thee coi oill is a rred ed aand nd y yel ello low w striped penccil il..

You lloook arooun You u d; d it ap appe pear arrs ther theerre is n th noo one in tthe he sho hoop bu b t yo you. u. Mr JJon ones es is a pati tien entt maan. His blue bl ue eye eyess ar aree cl clou oudl ou dles dl ess, s, and nd his h hai aiir th air thee br b ig ight htes estt li livi ving ng ggol old. d. IItt sw swee eeps ps accrros oss fr from om a parting clos cl osee to h his i lef eftt ea ear; it reac ache hess co he comp mple lete t ly te l oove veer to tthe h ooth he ther er ssid idee, lea eavi ving ng onl nly y a fe f w un nruly hair ha i s to m mov ovee as a h hee ra rais ises e hiss eeyye yebr yebr b ow ows. s H His is eeye yebr brrow o s reemi mind nd you o of yo your ur grand dfatth her er’s, much ch lik ikee th thee ey eyeb brroows of mo most stt ggra raand rand n faath ther erss in facct; bei e ng a colourr th hat mat atches neiith her er the colour of th he ha hair i oon n tth heeiir he h ad ad, d no norr tth h hat att ccom omin ingg fr from om theeir i nos ose. Mr Jones’ eyebrows aree not not only the he dullleest st bro rown wn ccol o ou ol ur, but alsso an u unr nrulyy jumb m le of wire which become an extre r mi mity t of hiss tem mples plles es.

The wa Th w ll beh ehin i d th he cooun unteerttop run ns baack ck dee eep into to the shop, hoop, and is lined with row ow upon row of large ro row gee glass laass s jjar a s. Eac ar ach ja jarr is i fille l d to the h bri r m with t a dif i ferent kind of sweet, all of w ic wh ich h ma m ke ke a sli sli ligh ghtl gh tlyy di tl d fffer e en nt raatt ttle le or le or cr c ac a klle when poured into the met etal scales. Perhaps et tooda d y th he coola cub ubes es cat es atch h yyourr attte t nt n ioon. n You watch as Mr Joness rolls the wall ladder e along a d cl an clim imbs im b thr bs thr h ee rrun u gs to re un reaach yyoour ccho hoice. He sl ho slides ides the id he jarr froom its place on the shelf and retu re t rns tu rn ns to to tthe h cou unt n er er. Re Rem moovi ving ngg his sco sco coop op ffro room h hiis pocket, he dip ps into the jar and relea e se ea s s y ur yo u col col olaa cu ube b s in i too the he met e al sccaale l s. s. You o r warm skin beco beeco come m s al a iv i e att thee noisee thi hii make his k s – a so sort rt of su umm mmer err sswe weeett crunch u h as as eeac acch ccu ube b hit i s. s With Wi itth h yyou o r sm ou smal alll pa all pape p r baag in pe in yyou ourr ha ou h nd nd,, yo y u chucckl k e at the h jok okee Mr JJon oness might on h tel elll you yoo toda to day. da ay. y. You o llea e ve th ea hee ssho h p and ho and itts liitt an t le b bit itt of ho hom mely mag agic i beh ehin ind. in d. Th T e be bell abo bove ve the h doo oorr tiink klees on ncee aga agaain in,, an and d yo you u st step ep p out utsi side si d . de

It’s just past midnight and someone has spotted the panther.

Penge Panther David Owen

Finally, after weeks of paw prints in the garden, spurned offerings of Whiskas,

Even the police are out,

we can rouse the dogs

the purr of a helicopter

and bait them on their leads,

lingering overhead, a shred of paper spiralling

check the batteries in the camera,

on the breeze.

raise the torches from under the stairs.

Its searchlight startles the foxes, steeps the greenhouses

We see a tail on every shadow

in the splendour of ghosts.

amongst the lamp posts until enough bedroom lights

But it’s us that find it first,

blink up to expose them

tinderbox eyes in the torchlight

like bonfires at a witch hunt.

brooding on the alien landscape of carrots, the irregular

We put the dogs ahead of us

broken stems of bean poles.

(as if they’d stand a chance) and turn onto the allotment path.

For years after we will hush our children at the noise in the garden, press our faces to the window.

Silence plucks like seven pairs of o clammy hands small but perfectly formed my unborn children pressing and clutching and tugging at my skirt each hou our markked by t e spiider web th eb oof wrinkled veins politeness ss slices; s;

On Admission to the Mental Hospital

a razor of manners designed to welcom me it bubbles an and d fr froths hs t e rope’s tattoo th an open wound that flows freely with every ‘nice to meet you’ and ‘how long arre yo y u heere re for o ?’ each syllable picks at the scab that is barely form min ing a tw two--toned knock each t n minu te nutes, six hundred seconds nu a li liffeti time ti the brass-eyed knob smiles as they enter like clockwork cuckoos forr th he insanely addicted d

Katy King

The Flower of Knowledge Bethany Rae Dobbs

At the top of the tallest tree, in the deepest forest, in the darkest valley ey, there is a b blo loss s om om. It is as small as a fingernail, and whiter than the Arctic sky. It bloomed d long ng bef eforee th the Ic Icee Ag Agee glaciers began to thaw, and men left the first markss of intellig igen e ce inside th thee ca cave v s at L Las ascauxx.

The flower is untouched by time, for it is immor orta tall. ta l. SSto toriies e of th the fl flower h haavee pe perm rmeaated every culture on earth, and it is told that whoever pi pick ks it wil i l attta tain imm mor orta tali lity ty. Bu Butt no one has ever succeeded, because the tree on which it grows is poois ison onous;; aany n thin ingg that th hat tou uches itts thorny bark is turned to stone.

Then man invented the helicopter, so fuck that.

‘Juliet, it looks like that thing is gonna blow away!’

I was spinning upside down on the end of a rope. The canopy below me was whizzzing arou und and around like a green and yellow merry-go-round and I couldn’t see any damn flow o er. I had a lump of vomit in my throat and it felt like my brain was in a centrifuge. Dominic yanked on the rope, and I stopped, but the treetops carried on turning.

After a while everything stopped moving and I swallowed laboriously.

‘Alright?’ said Dominic, over the radio.

I gave h him an upside-down thumbs up. ‘I dropped the tongs and container because off y you ou.’ .’

‘Pick it with h yoour h han and d th then en.. Ea E rl Such and Such of Wh her erev ever er w won o ’t know.’

‘Unless I attain imm m orta t lity and become impervious ta uss ttoo ha harm. rm m. He mig ight ght nottiicce th then.’

I picked the blossom as if i I were pick kin ingg a daisy from my lawn and signalled to Dominic to pull me up. I almost felt sorry for the tree; itt was the only one of its kind and it was going to stay that way, now w I had removed its one attempt at reproduction. Oops.

Ass I looked down, a bird lan ande deed on a branch; it gave out an agonised tweet and swiftly perished. Of course, the treee was poisonous. Imagine a forest of these trees. It would be pe completely sil co ileent, the ground d littter e ed with detritus and dead animals. Oh well, I was probably dooin i g the worrld a favour.

I scrrambled d on onto the deck and placed the he flower into the h container that Dominic was holding out for me.. ou ‘Sho ‘S houl u d I starrt saving for my re reti t reme m nt, or get myself anothe h r Laamb m orghini? What do you reck re ckon?’ I said. d.

D mi Do minicc sm smil iled ed. ‘I’d go for the fastt car. Feeling immortal yet et?’ ?’

I look ok d at my hands. ‘W oked ok Whe h n th they e inv nvent time me m mac achi hinees I wiilll com omee back ck and ttel elll yoou j st how ju w iimm mm mor o tal I fe feel el. Also so I w will colllec ectt an IIch chth thyo yosa saur sa ur and d sti tick ck it in nL Loc och h Neesss for Micrros osof oftt Gu uy. H He seem med ever so disappooin inted. d. Or at lea east st tthe he ssiz izee off my pa pay y ch chec ecck wa wass diisa disa sapp ppoint p ntiing. g.’

Domini Dom nicc th hought I wa wass funn ny and he llau a ghed d iin n a silly, helplles esss so s rt ooff way. y. I cou uld l n’ n t re real a ly al hear he ar h him im m ooveer th thee roarr ooff th thee rootorr bllad ades es,, bu butt I co coul u d im mag agin inee th thee so soun un nd of his squ queeaky gasp ga pin ingg an and d itt m made me llau ugh g too oo.. What a ab beerk. k.

T e do Th door or was ggap apingg op opeen. As we zo z om med ove verr th thee ca cano nopy py,, aaiir gu gush shed ed in an a d sw s ir irleed ar a ou und nd tth he ca cabi bin. n. W Wee sh should hav avee cl clos osed d it foor he heal alth th aand nd saf afet ety. y. F Fal alli al l ng li n oou ut of ut of an an airrcr c afft at at a hu h und ndre red re d an nd tw wen entyy feet iss a h helll of a w wayy ttoo wi win n a Da D rw win nA Awa waard d, bu b t th he aiir fe felt ltt good an and tth he si sigh ght of tthe he tre rees e , li es like a she heet et ooff or orga gani nicc cl clou ouds ds iin n my m riiad d autum utt mn coolo l ur urss wa w s a sigh ghtt to rii k d risk dea eath th for. We Well ll – ffor o Dom or omin inic i to riskk d ic dea eath th fforr; I waas st stiill in n my haarnes esss and veery y much s cu se cure reed to the deck. k.

Dom niic heeld h Do Domi his is aarm rm ms ou out, t, thr thrrew his hiss hea ead ba back ck aand ck n yod nd odel elle el l d ‘Ri le ‘R Rid ide off tthe ide h Val he alky k ries’ into the ky wind d. I flopped d on ntto tth he de deck ck k hap ppi p ly ly. Th he su suns nsshi n hine nee w war a me ar med my eyeli lid li ds. It remin inde d d me of de ly yin ing on o the field d at sc scho hoool h ool iin n su umm mer. We W ’d d mak a e da daiisy chains and do handstan nds ds...

SSu udd den nly ly I shu shu hudd dder e ed er ed,, an and d my my heart began to race c aass if we’d ju ust hit turbu uleencce. I b beg eggan egan an ttoo ffeeell u uns n af ns afe. e.

‘C Cloose s thee d door, dou ouch chee ba b g! g Iff yo you u faalll out it’ll ll be your own damn fault. We can still look ou ut frrom tthe he w win indo dow. w.’

T e do Th door or ssla lam mmed d and the h win nd ssttoppe p d. d.

‘Are ‘A re yyou ou alright ht?’ ?’ ask sked e Dom minic in nic..

‘Y Yea e h. h I’m m fine –’

The helicopter er sswung sha harply to the si side de aand n Dom nd min iniic slaamm mmed ed int n o th the do door or; he cru rump mple led d onto the deck like ke a crush sh hed e llea e f, fac acee tw wis iste ted d in nto a sic i ke keni n ng n gri r ma m ce. I ro roll lled ed oon nto m nto myy elbows and scramblled to crou ouch bes esidee hi him. him.

He sucked in a breath be betw t een n hi his teet etth. h Hiss sho h ulde ho d r miiggh de ht bee bruised ru ed oorr di disl sloc ocated ed, or if he was really unlucky – sh hat a tere red. d. I strrokked dh his is ssiide teent is n at ativ ivel vely ly an and d wa wait ited ed for h hiim too reco c ver co from the shock.

‘Bloody lucky for the door,’’ he hi h ssssed e .

I nodded slowly. y. H Hee would have gone riight out in nto t the ssky y if I hadn d ’t m dn mad adee him sh hut it. It It was lucky that I was fee eeling paranoid. Protocol is iing n ra ng rain ined in eed d iin n me - w wha h t yo ha you do d and why. You u can’t afford to get sloppy when yo you’ u re ooff ff the gro rou und. d.

‘Are y you o guys alright?’ callled the ou the p pil iloot over the radiio. o ‘Dominic’s hurt, t ’ I said,, ‘and d get som ome bl blooody flying le lessons.’

‘T Tur u bu bule l nc le nce is God d’s ’ doi oing n , no ng nott mine, gorgeous. Dom minic inic’s ’ss not goi o ng to drrop dea oi deaad in tthe h he next ne xt thr h ee e hou ours r , is he? e?’

‘II certainly won n’t ’t,’ said Domi mini niic, ssitti ting ng h him imse s lf up. ‘I doon’ n t th thin i k it in it’s ’s too ’s o b bad ad. d I’ I’m m pr p ob o ab bly just st b bru ruised.’

‘Are you u cer ertain?’ I asked. ‘W ‘We shou uld go right to a hospi pita tall ass a pre ta reca cauttio ion. n’ ‘There’s nothing wrong with me, it just hu urts a bit -’ ‘Oh Jesus! We know you’re a big man Do Dominic! Now if you ou’r ’ree q qu uitte do d ne cche hest he st bea eati ttiing ng, I need to have a look.’

Dominic held out his arm. ‘Look, I’m not dyi y ngg aand nd iitt on only ly yh hur urts ur t a bit ts it. Go away, y, p ple leas le asee fa as fair ir Juliet.’

‘Well...’

‘Go away! I’m fine!’

‘Alrrig ight h !’ Feeling a bit stung ng,, I went too the window o to lo look ok oout ut..

Th he we west stter e n skyy w waas br briight ht,, the colou ur of pink grapefruit, in pa pain nfu full co cont ntrastt to th thee shadow o the of he for ores e t. For a mom oment the su un appeared to swell up and nd consu sumee the who hole le ssky kyy, bu but when I bliink nked again n iitt was th thee siize of a toen e ail, l dip pping sheep episshly in nto the hoorizzon on.. An nd then I thought – it’ss in incr c ed dib ible le!! Sttar arss arre th he cr c ucibles of atoms ms,, fu fusiing mattte ter heav avy y en nou ough gh to build solar sysste tem ms, an and d liiffee its tsel e f. We el W aare ree m mad adee of ssta tarr du dust st – isn n’t tha th t fascinatin ing? g? I shared ed tthe he tho hought h wit ht i h Do Domi m ni mi n c.

‘I try ry not to thin nk ab bou ut things th h lik ikee th hat,’ he sa said id, we w arrilly. y ‘‘Yo You u need d som me wh w is i ky ky.’ .

I ignored him and continued to stare out of the window. We’d been flying for hours now and everything was starting to look the same. It seemed as if we were flying in circles, but the pilot really was very competent, so I ignored myself.

My eyelids began to droop. Nap time. I looked away from the window; it took me a few moments to adjust to the darkness of the cabin. A blob of red floated around the centre of my vision, obsscu curi ring ng everything I looked at. Dominic had covered himself with an open parachute and wa w s brrea eath t ingg heeav th avil ily.. I thought about joining him under it, but instead lay down on th he deck ck byy myyself self lf. My he head a rat attled painfully against the floor, so I took my jacket offf an and d us u ed it i as a ap pil i lo il low. w. Ah, muc u h be b tt tter er. T The noisy hum of the engine became distant, and I fell ll aasl slee eep. p. A And nd I dre ream am mt. t IIn the dre ream am I ssee ee iitt al all: l:: ttim me an and d sp spaace. I livve for bill llio ions ns of ye year ars; s; see every nanometre of the expa ex pand ndin ingg univer erse s . I se se seee tth he si s nggul u ar a itty of o matteer billow owin ng ou o t an nd shrinking in an endless, puls pu lsin ing cy cycle, the b bir irrth h of th thee fi firstt sttars an and th t eiir end. d The nuc ucle leus of an atom. Life on earth b oomss aand bl nd ffails. Th Thee su un expa pand ds an and d di dimi mini nish shes e and d the moo oon n drifts away into the endless dark da r neess. In In aan n in inst s antt alll th he sttar a s go g out aand nd d tthe h planeet sh shiv iver iv erss in into dust, twirling in the vaccuum va um.. I se seee th thee ri risse aand nd d fal alll of tthe he Ott ttom om man a Emp mpir ire, e, aand nd the dea eath th of future civilisations.

I se seee it all l . Ev Ever eryy ni nigh ght. t. The h preesent nt is so fleeet etin ing, g so minute te it haardly rd dly y ttou o ches me. Every time I cl clos osee my eeye yees an alter lterna n tee ttim na im mel elin inee iss llai aid d ou out be beffore fore me. e Prooba bab bili lity ty is my hell. For every poss po ssib ibil ilit ityy th her e e is is ano noth ther er tim imel elin el inee – ev e er ery ni n ggh ht I li live ve a dif diffe fere reent past, present, future – I have ha ve see s en th he Ro R m maan nss iinv nven en nt a stteeaam en enggine nee and and d Jupiter bur urni niing brightly, swinging with the sun su n in a b bin inar aryy da ar danc nccee..

This Th iss iiss tr true ue iimm mmortality: to hold infinity in the palm mm lm of your hand, to transcend the corporeal exxpeerriience ce. O Oh h, the ho horr rror orr to know the aweeso s me vastnes e s of the universe, and to be so tiny.

To b To bee om mni niscientt llik ike the eyes off Go ik God,, and be hu human.

Dominic waves a hand at mee, bu but he h iiss so small he is hardly here. A collection of lonely a oms, held together likee a ba at bag off marbl rbl bles e , li es like a cluster of stars. Dominic is a cosmos in h ms hi m el elf. f. T Thi hiss cabin is the he cen enttre of the he uni nivverse and its outer limits, soft and white like the sun, a wraith peering do down wn at a cold, hard world when the oceans are deserts and lichen is the only life, cliing n ing to rocks and glowing dimly in the darkness of day never setting but slowly going out and shrivelling like a raisin whizzing thrrough the galaxy slowly dying dissipating expiring watching heat death of the universe when there is nothing then snap like an elastic band twanging then another universe and anotheruniverse andanotherandanother – Deep in the thickest forest, in the darkest valley, on a windswept island there was a flower. It was white as the moon, and as fragile as a snowflake, and it was a key. The stories of many cultures told how the flower would bestow immortality upon whoever picked it. And when people heard the tales they thought of gods who lived on mountains, an and wise men who lived for the duration off empires. They were small, so very small that theey co c uld not un nderstand what it meant.

I am ssma m ller than a lepton and larger than the space between n ggal alax axiees. I braved th thee th thornss of a pois ison o tre ree, e and tou uched the wor orst s poison of all. It was the ttre reee of k kno nowl wled edgee. An And d no now wI kn now w.

Lad es and ggen Ladi e tllem emeen. Th This is Ki Kill llin ing Me M Sofftl t y iiss a se sens n ationaal cr crea e m. ea m. It is i to pres pr eser erve ve y you o r de dear ar d dec e eaase sed’ d’ss so d’ soft ft skin un nti till th thee b bu urial or cr crem em mat atio ion. n Would y u li yo like ke iitt wh hen en,, as a you u kkis isss yo your latee be belo loove ved d hu h sband foor th he laast tim ime, you feel fe ell as if y you ou kkis isss hi h s gr grav avvesto esstone n in th he mi midd ddle dd l of the niigh le ght? t Wou t? ould l you like it w en wh en,, as you ou u ttou ouch ch tthe hee cche h ek of yoou laate bel he eloved d sisteer fo f r th he last s tim me, you feeel aass if i her cche h ek h has as tur urne n d into to a staain inle l ss ssteel pip le pe sw s ag age? e?

Weell W ll, sh shou ould ld you pre refe ferr a soft ft sski kiin to t kkiss good odby od byye fo forr th he last time, use Kill l ingg Me Sof oftl tlyy to ma mass s agge th thee bo body dy.. Ri dy Right affte terr de deat ath h iss announced, appl py it all oove verr th thee boody y aand n give a lovi loovi ving n m ng massage gee. Ma M ke sur u e the cream coove vers rs everry co ev corn rner er ooff th he bo b dy, or tthe hee unc n ov overed p par arts ar ts m mig ight get stiff and spr prea ead. d.

Y u do Yo don’ n t wa want ntt ttoo spoil yo your ur eff ffor ort, do you? or u u?

You ar You aree as aski king ki n m ng me wh hat iiff th t e dead per erso son so n re resu s rrec e ts. Well, itt h hap appe pens some so meetime mes. s. Do no n t woorrry.. Ki Kill llinng Me S Sof offtl tlyy d doe oesn’t have any efffe fect ct oon n live bodi bo d es. So So,, iff tth he bod dy sttar arts ts mov o ing affte terr ap a pl plyi ying the cream, ju just st ssto top and waait i . Wh hen tthe h deaath iiss an anno n un no nced aggai a n, n, ssta tart rt re-applying. Simp mple le..

Th T hee qu uic icke kerr the be bett tter tt er.. As er A you kno now, no w tthe w, he body temperat atur uree dr drop o s slowly a te af terr de deat ath. h. If you u ap ppl plyy th he cream m wh whil ilee th the body is still wa warm rm,, the cream (wit (w ith h yo y urr lovingg maass ssag age) ag e) retainss the he war arm m temperature ass w wel ell. l. It preserves thee boody th d cconditiion n aass it i is is first ap appl plie pl ied ie d to the body. So bee q qui uick ck. Order thee crea cr eam m beefo foree deaath h sco coop o s awayy you you ourr hu husb s and’s spirit. Yo You u ca can order it by phon ph on nin ng th t is num um mbe berr 08 0 08 0 -852222-95 9544 or doo it online, www 95 ww.k .kil i li l ngmesoftly ly.. com/ co m/or m/ o de or der. You uw won on’t on ’t fin nd ourr se sens nsat ns atio iona nal product in sho hops ps.. We only sell ll iitt dire di reeccttly to you. u If you ourr wi w fe is diiag agno n se no s d with h lun ng ca canc n er, contact us. If yyou o become HI HIV V poosiiti t ve ve, phonee uss. Then you’l ’lll be be rrea eady dy for the warrm an and d soft funeral. Yo You migh mi gh ht sa say y that at Dea eath th could kno nock ck k oon n yo your door any time me,, un unexpectedlyy. Ye Yes, it’s it ’s ttru r e, ru e unfor ortu tuna unaate tely ly. Orderr Kiill ly llin ingg Me in M Softly now. Itt d doe oesn sn’t matter iff y you o r fami fa mily ly y iiss all he heal alth al thy. th y A car accciden y. id den e t mi m ght happen tom omor orrow, your ho hous ue migh mi ghtt ge gh g t bu urn r ed dd dow own ow n and ki kill ll you o r da daughter tonightt. Ge Gett ready.

Killing Me Softly

Do you want to have the insurance for a nice fun neral al?? Or Orde derr Killing Me Softly now. This guarantees a warm and soft funeral. Your latee hu husb sban a d will look liike he is sle leep epingg in the cof o fi fin. You o r late wife will look like she is sl slee eepi p ng on herr wa he wayy to tthe he ggra rave ve oorr cr crem emat ator o ium. m.

Do you want to ask me iff you need d a sp spec ecia iall sk skilll too mas assage? No! You ju ust give your loving massage to your wife as if sh he is ssti till ll aali live ve and very tired after a long day at her office. Just don’t forget you havee too ma mass ssag a e ev e ery single corner of the body.

Are yo Are you u as aski k ng m mee wh what at hap appe p ns n if you keep massaging? Will the b bod ody y be pres pr eser erve ved d fo fore reve ver? r? W Wel ell, l, iin n th theo eory ry, ye y s, s but how could you massagee the iinn n er orga or gans ns??

The cr The crea e m come mess in tthi hiss go gorg rgeo eous us b bla lack ck aand nd ggol old ur u n in three different siz izes es..

The bigg g est one can be used d to kee eep p th thee as ashe hess in aaft fter er the cremation. We can i sc in scriibe a nam ame on it. t

ada m a iY r u Say

All for the Love of Mary and Bert

So consider everything – That image of perfection, That powder-puff woman On those cotton clouds, To that ‘screever’ covered in soot.

Seventeen Cherrytree Lane may be worth a song.

That blustery London Avenue Summer Blossom ‘Winds in the east…’

Rosy cheeks – Perhaps love is nothing more than dancing In a candy-striped blazer, With a ribbon in your hat.

What kind of lust brings them both to the city?

They float in flocks of petticoats, And dabble in Sunday kite flying.

‘Mist coming in, Something’s a’brewing…’

He draws round her shadow And recognises her face.

Just old friends From old places, That stay till the wind changes – Seize your chance Bert.

Lucy Hermitage

Seize your chance.

My House Rhino Lucy Hermitage

We would call him Thud Completely solid With smooth and tough skin like rubber A miniature hero That curls at the end of my bed.

He doesn’t wear a collar.

He is no cat.

My miniature hero is a baby soldier His skin, his armour And his eyes are his soul.

He may be small but he thunders on the floorboards.

My house rhino.

Thud is small He feeds on four leaf clovers and Bonsai trees.

He lifts his padded feet and hits my china cup – When will he overcome his addiction to Earl Grey?

But if Thud is here, I’m safe.

It’s just me and Thud.

He can drink my tea every morning (As long as he’s my doorstop by night).

The New

18

Chapter One The sun was rising and shining on Pamela’s back. She knew this because the empty road ahead was beginning to show long streaky shadows of herself and Lawrence as they moved forward. Lawrence’s steps on the concrete could have been mistaken for clogs walking over a carpeted floor. They held an inconsistent rhythm: ‘clop clop clop…clop-clop clop clop… clop-clop-clop-clop clop’, almost as though he was losing his centre of gravity. Being a camel, his footpads were adapted precisely for the purpose of off-roading but Pamela did not want to make use of this; not when she still had no map or compass. Her knowledge of the desert was basic, thanks to the paved roads that ran across it.

Pamela guessed it was around six and wondered about what she would usually be doing if she were at home. Lawrence took this as an opportunity to move towards the middle of the road and have a chew on the foliage growing in the divide. He was just reaching out to grasp a snack when Pamela jerked his head away so they could continue on their journey. She knew they would have to find some shelter in a few hours and catch some sleep whilst the sun was at its worst. Maybe even some supplies if she was lucky. Perhaps she would find herself closer to the city and discover healthier pickings than the hitherto sparse finds in abandoned houses or on farms long given up to the dunes.

Presently a dusty sign came into view with only the English lettering remaining: ‘Ud al Bayda’. It meant little to her apart from relief that there would possibly be some shelter in sight and a place to scrounge for provisions. Further on she saw a flyover and, off to the right, a towering mountainous structure shaped almost like a fort, reeking with the smell of burnt garbage. Pamela assumed this was where the E77 – from where Jebel Ali used to be – intersected with the E66, which was leading her towards Dubai. The city’s trash was brought here to be buried or burned out of sight. Passing under the flyover, she guided Lawrence around a sign that once proudly shone and pointed north towards Dubai but that was now crinkled up like a piece of used baking foil on the road. She scanned the horizon, optimistic that she might see buildings – perhaps even the Dubai skyline – but could only make out dust, silhouettes, gravel and small dunes glowing pinkie-orange in the rising light. She gave Lawrence a little encouragement and soon he was cantering along, almost like a running drunkard stumbling over his large feet; not galloping, as Pamela could not hold on when he tried that.

19

Beatrice Murphy

The sun grew brighter and higher as Pamela and her clumsy steed sped on, but something on the horizon made her falter. As they drew closer, she slowed Lawrence and tried to stretch up as high as she could on his back to see what lay ahead of them. Aside from some hazy buildin ngs that she presumed had once been part of the Zayed University and Dubai Silicon Oasis, Pamela saw an expanse of water; a lake that God had placed there only recently, directly in their path.

They continued their approach, now at walking speed, as Pamela rooted around in the saddle bag for her binoculars. Wiping the lenses on her shirt, she peered at what she had been dreading and began cursing. An almost endless sea had flowed right into this desert.

Before they reached the water’s edge, Pamela halted Lawrence, dismounted, took his reins and began to lead him along. Bending his head down to sniff the water, he violently snorted and bucked his head around as though insulted by the notion that he should have to drink it.

Pamela held on and hushed him until he eventually subsided and followed her warily into the water. She waded in up to her ankles. It felt quite cool although she assumed it would become hot by noon. The thought of taking a dip in water the temperature of a warm bath would have seemed appealing if it were not for the fact that it was so filled with salt.

‘So much for trying to get closer to home this time,’ she sighed, looking at Lawrence. He replied by slapping his lips together.

Turning back to face the span of sea, Pamela searched for any buildings close to them through her binoculars. Eventually she focused on what she guessed was either an indoor amusement park or shopping mall with several domes on the roof; it seemed undamaged from the tremors that had shaken the area one month before. Sighing, Pamela glanced over her shoulder at the sun looming over the land that once lacked water entirely. Now life seemed almost to have stopped; even the lapping of the waves, they never seemed to lap this far inland. Patting Lawrence, she encouraged him to lower himself so that she could remount him. He didn’t seem to mind as it meant his tummy briefly rested in the cool water. As he stood up again, Pamela patted him to start moving forward. He seemed wary at first, but the water didn’t reach his ankles and soon he was wandering ahead as though he walked through water all the time.

As they approached the domed building, Pamela quietly hoped that she might be able to travel further into Dubai from this direction before the water grew too deep for her to continue.

She needed to find something useful or edible to take back to Jacob; to add to the stores for when there was nothing left to scavenge and all hope of rescue was gone.

Sonnet He spe peak akss in cchu ak h rc hu rch h be bell llss ll And An d la laug u hs ug h in bi bird r son rd ong. g g.

He d die iess in Apr ie pril il,, in Par il aris i. is Chok Ch okin ingg on in n a ssul ulta ul tana ta naa, He mis isse sees a sttep aand nd Spla Sp lash la s es sh e d dow o n th ow thee en enti tire ti re E Eif i fe if f l To Towe Towe wer. r.

H liv He i es onc n e moore iin n th t e Seereeng n et eti, i, In ssum umme um mer. me r.

Thee ic Th i e is u unu nusu nu s al su a.

Danc Da ncin nc ingg in in i to t the ccar ar thr ar hrou ough ou gh tthe hee ssun unro un roof ro off, He ssoa oaaks th hee dri r ve ver’ r’ss se r’ seat at.. at Hee gou H ouge g s itt iint ge n o fi nt firs rstt ge rs gear ar And slip And An sllip ps in ntoo tth he ssea he eaa, Bobb Bo b iin bb ng ag aggr gres esssi s ve vely ly ttow owar ow ards ar ds the h hor oriz izzon. on n.

Franklin Mantle

20

D Monaghan Su u Lin n-q qui ui smi m le l d as her dau a gh ghte teer bu b rsst in into to tthe to he kkit he itch it chen ch hen n clu lutc tchi tc hing hi ng a b bun unch un ch ooff ch chry rysa ry sant sa nth heem mu ums ms..

Shee ha Sh half lf-r lf -ros osee fr from om her e chaair to ac acce ceept the off offer ffffer e in i g, g but ssaat at bac ackk do d wn wn aabr brup br uptl up tly tl y when wh hen she real aliis ised d tha hatt Xiia wa ha wass ru runn n in nn ng pa p st her e ttow ow war a ds d tthe hee olld h d wom man n rroc ocki oc king ki ng qui ng u etly ettly y iin n th thee co corn rner rn e er by y thee windo in ndoow. w X Xia ia tthr hrus hr ustt th he ma make k sh ke hif iftt boouque uq que uet in in h her er ggra raand dmo moth moth her er’s ’ss llap ap p and ggri r nn ri nned ed d. ‘F Forr y uN yo Naai Na Nai. i’ Her er grand nd dmo moth herr p pat atte t d Xi Xia’ a’s ch c ee eekk an and d smil sm mil i ed ed. d. ‘T Tha hat is kin ind d Xi X a. a Tha Thaank n you ou.’ .’ T .’

The h n sh he shee tu urn rned ed to Li Linn-qu qu ui. i ‘Xiia iss a ggoood gi g rl rl, bu but… t… …’ He H r vooic icee roose se. ‘SShee rrun unss ab un abou outt li like k an el ke e ep epha h nt ha n!

Sh he is nea eaarl r y seeve v n. n It is i tim i e.’

Xia tur urne need an n a d loook oked ed d qui uizzziccal ui a ly y aatt he her gr g an andm dm d mot othe h r. he r Time im me fo forr wh hat a ? Bu Butt be b fo fore fore r she coul co u d op peen n herr mou o th h to assk, k, h her err mot othe herr ha he h d pr p essse sed d an aalm lm mon nd biisc s ui uitt in into too her han ands ds,, ds turn tu rned ned e h her er in th thee di d re rect ctio ion io n off thee d doo oooor aan nd pu push shed d heerr firml mly ba mly back ck k out u siide de. e.

Lin Lin n-q -qui ui lea eane ned ag agai a ns ai nstt th thee do door orpo or post po st,, ar st arms ms ffol oll ed ac olde a roosss her sle lend nder nd e fraame me. He Herr br brow oow wn ey eyes e es foll fo llow ll owed ow ed dh her er d dau augh ghte hte t r’ r s ev e er ery mo m veem meentt. ‘S ‘She he is so he so fre ree, e,’’ she sh he wh hispe isspeereed. d Sh hee heeaard ard d Xia gig iggl ge as she cha as hase sed se d a bu butt t er tt erfl fly. y. Tur urni niing n awa way fr from om m tthe he dooor L Liinn-qu qu q ui ap ppr proach ched ed her m mot otth heer--in in-l -llaw, -law aw w, plea pl eaadi ding ng ‘No ng Nott ye y t, sshe hee iiss st stil iilll so you ungg.’

The h old wom oman an ssno nort no rted rt ed. ‘II w ed was a you as oung nger ng er ttha han ha n heer. It’ t’ss ti time ime m .’’

Lin Lin i -q -qui ui rrem emai em aine ai ned ne d si sile lent le nt.. Sh nt Shee pl pluc ucke uc ked ke d th thee ch chry rysa ry sant sa ntth nthe heemu mums m fro ms rom om th thee ol old wo woman’ n’ss la lap p an nd went we n to pu nt putt th them em iin n a ja jar. r.

T at eeve Th veni ve niing n ng,, as Xia sle lept pt,, he pt herr fa fath ther th er ssat at llik ikee So ik Solo loomo mon an nd liisten stteen ned e to hi hiss mo moth ther er aand nd his i wif ife. e.

‘Hu Huan aan ng, g my so son, n she iiss ne n, near arly ar ly ssev even ev en.. I wa en wass mu much c you ch oung n er ng er,, as was as y you ourr si sist ster er.’ .’ N Nai a N Nai ai paus pa u eed us d bef efor oorre p pllay ayin ing he ing herr tr trum ump um p ca card rd.. ‘A rd ‘And nd yyou ourr wi ou wife fe w was as onl as nlyy fi five vee! The Th he Lo L rd dL Lie ieut uten nan a t’ ts youn yo unge gest ge st dau augh gh hte terr is fou ourr an and d al alre r ad re adyy he herr fe feet et are et rree bound oun ou nd d. Pe Peop ople lee w wil ill ta il talk lk.’ lk .’ ‘‘Hu Huan Hu ang, an g, I aam m on only l ask ly skin ingg foor a bi bitt mo more r tim re mee,,’ co c un unte t re red d Li Linn-qu nq i. i ‘Le Lett he herr ha have v a llit ve ittl it te long lo nger ng err ttoo ru run n fr free ee.’ ee . SShe .’ hee pau a se s d. SShe he ttoo oo h had aad d a car ard rd too pla lay. y. ‘Wh y.

What aabo bout bo ut y you ourr ev ou even en nin ng wa walk lk ks with wi th Xia ia?? Yo You u wi will ll mis isss th thos osee mo os more r tha re h n sh he wiill l .’’

Bot B oth ot h wo wome men me n lo look oked ok ed eexp xpec xp ecta ec tant ta ntly nt ly aatt Hu Huan ang. an g. He st stro roke ro ked ke d hi hiss ch chin in ttho houg ho ught htfu ht fu ull l y fo forr a miinu n ttee.

Then Th en nh hee tu turn rned rn ed to hi hiss wi wife fe.. ‘Y fe ‘Yes es I w wil illl mi il miss sss my walk walks wa lkks with with wi h Xia b but ut as a vi villag agee el elde derr I mu de must s st u ho up hold ld d oour ur ttra radi ra diti di tion ti onss an on and d so m mus ustt my ffam us amil am ily. il y O y.

Old ld C Che hen was hen was in tthe he sho hop p to toda day. y. He as ask ked me ked whos wh o e da os daug ught ug hter ht er h hee ha had d se seen en rrun unni un ning ni n iin ng n th thee fiel elds dss.’ Sha ds.’ haki ha king ki n his h ng hea ead, ea d Hua d, u ng b beg eggan to mimi mimi mi mic thee ol th old dm maan. n ‘‘Hu Huan Hu ang, an g,, ssur u el ur elyy it iiss no nott your yoourr dau a gh ghte terr I ha te h ve v see een n to toda day? da y? P Ple leas asee re remi mind mi nd me of herr ag he age. e’ e.

22

Lin n-q - ui u b biit it herr lip lip ip p.. Sh She w waas n noo maattch ch for o Old d Che hen n an and d the th he vi v ll l agge elldeers. rss. ‘O Our u llit ittl it tle tle daug da ught ug hter er iiss grrow win ingg up. up. I wi up will ll beg egin in toom mor orro row ni n gh ht. t.’’

‘No No,’ int No,’ nter errru rupted d her er m mot othe ot her in he n law aw w.. ‘II wiilll.’ l.’ l.

When Wh en thee oold ld d woom man man an h had ad goon ad ne too bed ed, Hu ed, uan angg an and nd Li Linn qu nquii sa satt qu q ie ietl tly tl y in n tthe he k kit itch it chen ch e . Hu en H an angg s pp si ped fro rom hi h s teeac acup up up. p. ‘I hav a e he h ar ard d itt sai aid d th hatt ffoo ootootoo t bi bind nd diin ng wiill l sooon b bee out utla law la weed in n tthe hee c ty ci ty.’ .’

His is wif ifee st star aarred d at him. him hi m.. ‘‘Ye Y s, Ye s, I heard eaarrd d tha hatt to too! o! B o!

But ut whe ut hen n??’

‘I do n not o thiink ot k it wi will ll reach eaach our u vil illa lage ge in time ge tiime me.. We W can anno n t wa no w itt. My My motthe herr iss rig ight h ht peop pe o le aare op re tal re alkkkiing. ngg. I havve ov o er erhe heear a dw wh his ispe peers p r in th thee ssh hop op.’

Lin-q Lin in n-q qui ui thr hrew ew up he her ha her h nd n s. s ‘‘We Wee are re for orev e err at th ev thee me merc r y of y you o r cu ou ust stom om mer ers. s.’’ s.

Her e hus usba b nd n nod odde od ded. d. ‘Y Yees, but ut tho h se s cu cust stom st omer om errs p pay ay ffor orr you ur sh hoe oes. s.’’ s.

Lin i -q qui u lloo o ke oo ked d doown wn at he herr fe feet eett and n blu ush hed d. Sh S e wa wass weear arin ingg an in a ootther heer neew pa pair pair ir.. Th They ey y were we rree sky ky blu luee wi with with t del elic icat ic ate reed an at nd ye yell lllow w rosses es emb mbro rooid roid derreed d acrrosss tth he to toes e . Sh es Shee ha had d no noti tiice ced d th he se serv rvan antt gi an girl dar girl arti arti ting ng eenv nvviioous looks oookss aatt th hem m th haat at mo m rn nin ngg..

Late La t r th te that att eeve veni ve n ngg, Li ni L nn-qu quii sa qu satt al a on ne in n th hee kkit ittch chen e . Hoow pr p ou o d sh he haad on o cee bee een n of o heerr tin ny f et fe e , hoow dete dete de t rm min ined e she ed h had been eeen to aach chie ch ieve vee tthe he sa sann zu z n ji j n li lian an - the tthr h ee inc hr n h go gold lden ld en n llot otus ot u. us At fivve, e, she e, h h had ad boou und dh her e own er wn fee e t soo tigght htly ly y they heey b blled d, bu ut ssh he ha h d be been en n det eter ermi er miine m n d to earn arrn the re th r d shoe sh hoe oess A Au unt n iee Ge haad pr p oom m mis ised is ed d her er.. Sh Shee gi g ggggle l d ssoofttly ly as sh she he re reme meemb m ber ereed d how ow h her err m ther mo th herr u use sed se d ttoo aask skk tthe he nei e gh ghbo hbo bour urss h ur hoow ow sm smal maalll th the hei eir d daau ugghtteerrs’’ fee e tw weere r . Sa S ti t sfi fied th t er eree wa w s noo cont co n es nt est, t sshe t, h w he wou ould ou ld d tthe hen br hen he brag agg aabo boout Lin b in-q -qui -q u ’ss fee ui fee eet et - ‘t ‘the he ssma he m llles ma e t iin n the vil illa lage la g ,y yoou kn know ow.’ ow .’’

Lin Lin in-q -q qui u rrem em membe em mbe bere red heer se re red seve vent ve nth nt h bi b rthd rthd rt day a . Sh Shee ha had d he held ld her ld er bre reat ath at h ne nerv rv vou usl sly y as the matc ma t hm tc mak aker err iins nspe ns p ctted pe d her e bou und ffee eet.. O ee Onl nyw nl wh hen en th hee old dw wom oom man a h had ad d nod o de ded d an nd sa s id d, ‘Y ‘Yes e, es my cchi hild hi ld,, yo ld you wi will ll mar arry ry y wel ell, l ’ ha l, had d Li Linn--qu n ui da d re red d to breeaatthee aaga gain ga i . in Herr tho houg ugghts htts jju ump mped ed for ed orwa ward rd.. She Sh he rreemeemb ber ered ed d her e dellig ight htt a few e yea ears rss llaat aterr whe ater hen n th the matc ma t hm h ak kerr had d ccom o e to om to ann nou ounc ncce th n that att Su Hu H an ng, g the h ssho hoopk pkee kee eepe per’ pe r’ss soon,, would r’ ou uld db bec eccoom me he her h sb hu ban and. d She d. h had sat a p pri rimly ri mlly wi wiith th her th herr eye y s ca cast st dow ownw nw war a dss, bu butt be b ne neat ath at h th he ki kitc t h tc heen ta tabl abl ble sh he h d swun ha swun sw ungg he herr re r d ssh h hoe oes ga oe gail ail i y back bacck ba k aand n ffor nd oorrth rth h. Bef e or oree th thee w weedd din ing, g Huaangg had g, d giivven e heerr fivvee p ir pa i s of sho h es es,, alll off tthe hem he m rreed, butt eaacch em e brrooiide dere reed wi with t a diffe th ifffe fere rent re n pat nt atte tern ern rn.. Ye Yett Hu Huan an ang ng ha h d neve ne veer se seen en nh her er shr hriv ivvel elle l d fe le feet et,, ev et ven e ttoo th this iss day a.

Now w ttha h t Hu ha Huan ng wa wass as asle l ep le e , Li Linn qu nquii cooul u d be b gi g n. Shee sslo lowl lowl wly y un u raave v lled llled tthe h lon he o g wh whit itte c ootths cl hs ttha haat bo boun un nd he herr ffeeet eet e . As As she h p plu l ng lu nged her er ttin in ny fe feet e iint et ntto th he ba basi sin n on o the flooor orr, co cold l u ld uri r ne ri en nve velo lope lo peed th them em.. Sh em S e th hou o gh g t ab bou o t Xi Xiaa as asle leep le ep nex extt dooor or.. To Tomo m rr mo rrow ow all ooff th ow this is w wou ould ou ld beg egin in f r he fo her. r. She h musst re r me m m mb ber e to as askk Hu Huan an ng to com mmi miss sssio ion n so s me red e sho hoes e for es for Xia ia… … re r d wiith yeell l ow b but utte ut terfl te rfl fliies ess! Y Yees, s Xia w wou ou uld l likke th hat at..

Lin in-q -q qui u raaiiseed he h r ri righ ghtt fo gh foot ot oout u of th ut thee ba b siin, sho hook ok it daain inti tily ti ly y, th hen n cra radl d ed dl d it in in her lap p a d ge an gent ntly nt ly y sscr crap cr aped aawa wayy th wa he de d ad d sski kin ki n wi with th h a sma m ll l sil ilve veer v er kn knif iffe. e. Th hen n shee rea e ch c ed e int n o th he b skket the ser ba erva vaant n gir irll ha had d laaid i out ffor orr her er,, pu pull l ed ll d outt a lon ong wh whitte cl clot oth, and beg ot oth, egan an n to wi w nd it sslo loowl lowl wlyy bu but fi firm rm mly y aaro rooun u dh heer ri r gh ghtt fo f ot ot.. SShe he rep e eaatteed th he pr proc o ess oc esss wi w th herr leeffftt fooot o . Whe hen n both bo th feeet we were re ttig ight ig htly ht ly bou und n she putt oon n he h r ni nigh ghtt sl gh s iip ppeers rs and shu h ffl fled of o f too bed ed.

Thee ne Th next xt mor xt mor orni orni ning ngg, Xi n X a wo woke k ttoo find her ke e gra rand ndmo nd moth mo her e sit sit itti ting ti ng at th thee fo foot ot of th he be bed. d. The d. he old woma wo man sm ma smil illed d at he herr. r. ‘Go Good od mor orni ning ni ngg Baoo Bei ei.. To T da dayy is a spe peci ciial a d day ayy ffor orr y you ou.’ ou .’’

‘Is I iitt my m birth irrth thda daay? d y?’’

‘No ‘No N !’ ! T The hee oold ld dw wom oman om an n ssmi mile mile mi led. d. ‘L d.

Leet me me tel elll yo y u a st stor ory. or y’ Xia X i ccla ia lapp la pp ped d h her err han ands dss tog oget ethe ethe et her. r ‘Ye r.

Yes pl plea ease ea s ! Ca se Can n yo you u te tell ll m mee th thee on onee ab abou bou o t Yi tthe h he Arrch A c er er?’ ? ?’

Her gra grand rand dmo moth oth ther her sho h ok her h hea ead. ea d. ‘‘No No,, no No nott to toda d y. I havve a new da neew st stor ory or y fo f r you. you. In fo yo form form mer e time ti mes, mes, s av ver eryy po er p orr but ut bea eau utifful utif ut u dan nce cer waas ch c os o en n to da danc ncce at the he Fes e ti t va vall of Lan ante tern te rn ns. The he d nccerr w da was a pro as roud ud u d to be cho h seen too dan ance cee for or tthe h Emp he per eror or, bu or ut sh he was was aassha wa h meed off herr raggge ged d tuni tu n c. Wheen sh ni he ar arri r veed at ri a the E Emp mper mp eror er or’s or ’s pallac a e sh he sa saw w th that hat the he cou ourt rrttya yard rd d wass dec deccor orat atted ed w th wi h ttho hous ho usan us an nds ds of la l nt n er erns n . Da ns D ng ngli lin li ng froom eaach lan ng ante teern wer wer eree brigght htly ly col collou oure red re d ri ribb ibb bbon o s in on n ever ev ery y im imag agin i ab in able l collou our. r.. Whe hen n no oone ne w was as lloo oooki ooki king ng,, th ng he danc daanc ncer er u unt ntie nt ied ie d so some me of th me thee ri ribb bbon bb on ons ns from fr o the om the he llan an nte t rn rnss an and d wr wrap appe ap p d th pe hem aro roun u d he un h r an a kles klles es.. Wh W en it was waas tiime for her e to d daanc n ee,, noo oone nee iin n th the cr c ow owd d co c ul uld d taake ke the heirr eeye heir yess fr ye from om m her er fee eett - th he ri ribb bbons bb bbon on ns flutte utte ut tere reed in n thee aair ir llik ir ik ke beau be auti au t fu ti ul ra rain in nbo bows wss. Th w T e Em mp peero rorr an a d al alll his his coour hi urt rt we were re fillle led le d wi w th gla ladn dnes dn ess. s. T The h E he Emp mper mp eror er or p ai pr aise sed se d th thee gi g rl’s rll’ss b bea eaut ea utyy an ut nd da danc dan ncin i g bu but he lav but avis ishe is h d th he thee mo most st p pra raaisse on her tin ny fe feet et.. He et an anno nn nooun unce ced th ce that hat the he dan ance cerr wooulld be ce beco come co me his i you oung ngges estt so son’ ns b n’ brrid de. e The h ooth ther th err ggir irls ir lss wer ee jeaal je alou alou ous. s. T s.

The heyy want he waant n ed ttin iin ny fe feet et llik ikke th he da d nccer ssoo th hey b beg e an eg n ttoo wr w ap ap the h ir ffee eett in ee i rrib ib ibbo bbo bons nss.’’

Nai ai N Nai ai sto topp pped pp d and ssmi mile mi led le d att h her er grraand ndda daug da ught ught ug h er er.. ‘Y You ou tooo, Ba B o Be Beii. i. You uw wil i l haave il v tin i y fe feet e. et Wee wil W wil illl be begi gin wr gi wrap appi ap ping yoou pi ur fe feet e ton et oniggh htt aand nd whe h n yo you ou gr grow ow up, p yyou ou u wil ill ll ma marr rrry a pr p in nce c and d havve serv se rv van ntss ttoo do do all all l you our wo our work rk rk.’ k.’

Xia ia h hug u ge ug g d he herr grran ndm dmot othe ot her, he rr,, jum umpe p d ou pe outt of b bed ed d and rran an n ttoo th he kiittcche hen. n ‘‘Ma n.

M Ma, Ma a Ma Ma M !’ ! she cr sh c ie ied. ‘N Nai Nai is go goin ingg to w in wra raap my rap y ffee eeet in in bea eaut utif ut ifful rrib ib bbo bons ns llik ikke a daanc n er e aand nd d I am go goin ingg in t hav to avee th he sm smal a le al lest st ffee eett an ee and d maarr rryy th thee pr p in i ce c .’ .’ Bef e or oree he herr mo moth th her e ccou ould ou ld d aans nswe ns wer, we r, Xia pushe usshe hed d past pa stt h her er aand nd rran an oout utsi ut side si dee. Wi W th t oout uttst utst stre retc re tche tc heed ar arms ms she sspu pun pu n ro roun und un d an a d ro roun u d, un d ima ima m gi g niingg a r in ra inbo bow bo w of rib ibbo bons bo n flutt ns t er erin i g ar in a ou ound nd her fee nd e t.

T at Th a night ight the ig he sser erva er vvaant n ggir irll ca ir carr rrie rr ied ie dab baasin siin off war arm m wa w te ter er in into to tthe he kit i ch c en en aand nd p pla lace la ced ce d itt aatt Xiia’ a s fe feet e . Na et Naii Na Naii sccattte tere red re d pe p ta tals ls in th thee ba basi sin si in an and d ge gent ntly nt lyy gui u de ded d Xi X a’ a’ss fe feet et iint n o it nt it.. Xi Xia’ a’ss ey a’ eyes es were we re bri righ gh ght ht as as the heyy da dart rted rt rted d aro r un und d th t e ro room om. ‘W om Whe here re are the the rrib ibbo ib bbons bons ns,, Na Naii Na N i?? I wan antt to see e th he ri ribb bbon bb ons! on s!’’ Sh s!

Shee fr frow wned ned wh ne w en her gra gra r nd ndmo dmo moth ther th e ges er e tu ture red re d at a ab bas aske as kett off lon ke ongg wh w ite itte cl c otths on thee ki th kitc kitc tche h n ta he tabl ble. e The heyy loook o ed e mor o e li like k b ban anda an dage da g s th han n rib i bo bons nss.

Xia sset e tlled et d bac ackk in i the cha hair as he h r gr gran andm dmotthe dm dmot her gent genttly lif ge ifte ted te d he herr ri r gh ghtt fo foot ott out ooff th he basi baasiin and an d ca care ress re ssed ss ed d it in i h her e lap er ap. Butt Xia sat att up sh shar har arpl plly an ply nd be bega gan to t scr scrrea eam m wh when e her en e ggra r n ra nd dmo m th ther er swif sw ifftl t y be b nt n bac ackk heer fo four ssma mall ma lles ll lles est st to toes es aand nd dp pus ushe us h d th he t em m und nder err herr ffoo oot. oo t t.

Xia X ia str t uggglled to fr f ee her herse erse selff. ‘‘St Stop St op N op Nai aii N Nai aii yyou ou u aare re h re hur urti ur t ngg me!!’ ti Her H er grraand n mo moth th her smi mile l d geent le n ly aatt he her. r. ‘‘Do Do not wri rigg ggle gg le,, it wil le i l hu h rt mor o e. SSitt qu uiieettlyy Baoo Bei and an d I will wiil ttry ry y to be geen ntl tle. e.’ Th e.

Then en sshe h rea he e ch ched hed d iint n o th nt t e ba bask skket the sser erva vant ntt girl g l ha had d left left, le t, pull pu ull lled ed o t a lloong whi ou whi hite te clo loth th h and beg beg egan an ttoo wi wind n iitt sl nd slow ow wly but firml mlyy arrou ound n X nd Xia ia’s ia ’s foo o t. t Whe hen n sh s e ha h d finiish fi shed ed d, sh he reeac ache hed he d fo f r Xi X a’ a’ss le left ftt foo oot, t, cle lenc ncche h d it i firml mlyy to ssto top to p th t e wr w ig iggl gllin ing, g and as be g, befo fore fo re, bent be nt b bac ack ac k th thee to toes ess aand nd db bou ound ou nd d tthe h foo he o t ti t gh ghtl tlly in nw whi hite te clo loth th.. th ‘‘Al Alll fi Al fini n sh ni shed ed,, Ba ed B o Be Bei! i!’’ sa i! said id d Nai a Nai a ch heeer eril ily, ly, aand nd ggen entl tly ly pa patt tted tt e Xia oon ed n th thee ch chee eek. k. Th Thee girl gi rl p pus ushe us h d aw he away ayy h her er ggra raand ndmo moth mo other er’ss h han and, d, ref efus usin ingg to mee e t her ey eyes es. s. Th hen n sh hee sto tood od u up p bu butt maana mana nage geed on only lyy a hal alf st step ep p bef e or oree sh shee sl slip ipped d to tthe he floor or.. Sh Shee la layy th ther eree so sobb bbin ingg un u ti till Li Linn-qu q i qu cam ca me and n carri r ed d herr to be bed. d Lin in-q -qui ui lay w wit ith h he h r daug ught hter er, qu quieetl tly cr croo ooni ning ng aan nd str trok okin ingg he herr hair ha i , un unti til att las ti astt Xi Xiaa fe fell ll aasl slee eep p.

24

Wh hen nX Xia iiaa w wok okee in ok n the h mor orni n ng h ni her er m mot otthe othe herr wa wass ggoone ne.. He Her fe feet ett wer eree th hro robb bbin bb in ng an and d ssh he beegaan too ccry ry as sh shee reeme memb m er mb ered eed d the h nigght ht bef efor ore. or e She reaach e. hed ben neaath th the bla lank n eetts an nk a d be b ggaan to fran fr a ti an tica call ca llyy te ll tearr awa w y att the h w whi hite hi hite te clo loth thss th th that hatt boou un nd dh her er fee eet. T The he p pai ain ai n di did d noot su ubs bsid id de an and sh shee loook oked ed up gu g il ilti tiily as he herr gr gran andm an dm mot othe herr en he nte tere red dh heer rooom om..

‘Go Good od morni orrni n ng B Bao aoo Bei ei.. Ho How arre…

How …’ Th Thee ol old d wo woma m n st ma stop oppe op oppe ped. d.. She ben nt ttoo pic ick up u a whit wh itte cl ite c otth fr f om om the he flooorr. Pu P zzzle l d, sh hee loo o ke ked d at Xia Xia’s ia’ss fee ia fee eett. t. Sh She he lea eaneed ov over e and er and slapp laapp pped ed h her er er g an gr and ddaugh ddau dd au ugh ghte teer on on the faacce.. ‘‘St S uppidd stuuppiid gir St irl! l!’’ sh he sp pat a , ass she he lef eft ft th thee ro r om m.

Xiaa rub bbe bed d her her ch hee eek, k, stu stu tunn nned nn e .H ed Hu uan ng caamee iin n an and d sa saw w th thee re red we welt lt on hi hiss da daug ught ug h er ht er’s ’s ch hee e k. k. He be bent ntt to to st stro roke ke her her hai a r and an nd sh she he bu uri ried ed d herr ffac acee in ac i his i che cheest st.. ‘B ‘Baa B Baa I don on’t ’tt wan antt to wear we ar rrib ibbo ib bons bo n on my ffee ns eet. ee t I ch t. haang nged ed dm myy mi mind nd d.’ .’

‘I kn ‘I know ow w zzhe heee jaai, he i bu utt yyou ou u are a b big igg gir gir irl noow. irl w.’ Hu Huan an ng pi pick c ed ck d her up an and d ccaarrrie i d he herr in into too the h kitc ki t heen tc n.. Hi Hiss m mooth ther her was a in her her ch he chai a r at the ai h w win indo in doow. H Hua uang ngg set ettl tlled d Xia oont ntoo Na nt N i Nai’ Nai’ss la Na lap p bu butt thee gi th girl r ssat rl att rig igid i , ho id h ld ldin ing he in ing hers rsel rs eellf deeterm term te rmin ined in ined edly ly y aawa way wa y fr from om her ggra rand ra ndmo nd m th mo t er er.. Th T e old d wo woma man n beega b gan to t rub u Xia ia’s ’ss bac ackk an and d wh hisspeer so s ft ftly llyy ttoo heer. r Graadu d al ally ly Xia rel rel e ax axed ed and tur u ne n d to towa ward rdss h r gr he gran andm an dmot dm othe ot heer, aall h llow ll owin ow ingg he in hers rsel rs elff too b el bee em mbr brac aced ac ed d.

Lin Lin in-q -q quii ccam amee in am into too tthe he kittch chen en.. SShe en he fro rown w ed w wn whe hen he n sh shee saaw he herr da daug ught ug h er ht er.. ‘Xi Xia, a, y you ourr fe feet et!!

What Wh at has hap appe peene ned? d?’’ d? ‘‘Ma Ma Ma, I ccha hang ha nged ng ed m myy mi mind nd abo bout ut the h rrib ibbo ib bons ns.’ ns .’’

‘Yoou ca cann n ot nn ot cha hang ngee yo ng your ur min ind, d ’ saaid d, dL Lin in n-q qui ssha h rp ha rply ly.. ‘‘B But ye But yest ster erda dayy I he h ar a d yoou te tell l N ll Nai ai Nai ttha hatt I wa wass to tooo sm smalll. You u wer eree ri righ ghtt Ma M Ma. a. I wan antt t w to wai aiit un unti till I am mu m ch bi bigg gger er.’ .’

Her e mot othe herr si sigh ghed ed d. ‘X Xiaa, it iiss not noot po posssib ible le.. O le Onc ncee we ssta tart rt,, we ccan anno nott st stop op.. W Wee mu must st ccar a ry ar o .’ on Xia X ia b beg e an to so eg sob b lo loud udly ly. ‘I w wou ould ld n nev ever er d doo th this is ttoo a da daug ught hter er of mi mine ne!’ !’

Her m mot othe herr sm smil iled ed aatt he herr. ‘‘Th They e sayy tthe ey here re aare re a ttho hous usan and d bu buck cket etss of ttea ears rs ffor or oon ne who bind bi ndss he herr fe feet et.. T The here re aare re m man anyy mo more re ffor or tthe he m mot othe her. r.’’

‘An And d fo forr th thee gr gran andm dmot othe her, r,’’ ad adde ded d Na Naii Na Nai. i.

The h two wom women en ssmi mile led d at eeac ach h ot othe her. r. The sser erva vant nt ggir irll wa wass su umm mmon oned ed and whi h lee L Lin in-q in - ui soot so otthe hed d Xi Xia, a, her ggra rand ndmo moth th her firrml mlyy re rebo boun und d he herr fe feet et..

The neextt morrni The ning ngg whe hen n she sh he wo woke ke, Xi Xiaa agai ain n re r ac a he hed d in nto t the b bla lank nket etss to rrem emov ovee th the cl clot oths hs that th a bou at ound nd her fee eet. t. H Her er fin nge g rs scrrab ge abbl b ed aabo b ut bo ut,, bu but sh he co coul uld d no nott fi find nd the end of of th he cloth.

Tear Te arin ingg ba back c the bla ck lank nket ketss, sshe hee eexa xaami mine n d he ne herr boun boo nd fe feet et.. Du Duri ring ng tthe he n nig ight h som meoone h had ad care ca refu fulllyy st s it i ch ched ed tthe he cclo loth thss so s ttha hatt th hey ccou ould ou ld not b bee un unra rave vell lled ed. Xi Xia’s moouth op open ened ed w wid ide. e.

Naii Na Na Nai’ i’ss ey eyes esig ight ht w was ass fad fadin in ng – sh s e wo woul uld d no nott be ccap apab able le ooff ma m kiing suc u h neat ssti t tc tche hes… s…

25

Att din A nneer with with Dianaa V Vre reel re elan el an nd I oorrde dere reed th thee ve v al aand nd n new ew wp pot otat atoe oes. s.

I ma m dee a p pun un on he herr name name whil wh ilee pl il p ac acingg my y ord der wit ith h th thee wa wait itress s.

Diian D na re r ma main ined ed col o d an nd un u im impr pres esse s d. d Don’t Do n’t maake a sce n’ ceene D Dia i na ia n , I be beggged ed, b t sh bu he di did d an anyw yway ayy.

Shee st Sh s oo ood d up up and n tthr hrew ew w her e d dri r nk in my ri y ffac acee and an d wa w tc tche h d ass it dr he drip ippe ped d do down w intto my lap wn ap p wher wh eree I ha er h d th t e st stea eaak kn knif iffe wa wait itin it ing fo ing forr he her. r I vee ssom I’ omet om ethi et hing foorr you hi o Dia iana naa, na, a prressen ent, t Ih t, hop opee yo op y u’ u lll liikke it it.

Shee caame Sh m oove verr to ve t m mee aan nd I ga gave ve iitt to her er,, righ ri ghtt in tthe gh he tthi he high hi g . gh S e ne Sh need e s to llea ed earn ea rn nn not ot to em emba barr ba rras rr asss me ass me in pu p bl blic ic.. ic

Ralph h Jones

26

The Gender Thong

Sh haron Wigley

My name ith Shawon and I am five yearth old And alweady I’ve been thocialithed to do jutht ath I’m told I go to thcool and I work hard while the boyth all laugh and play And now I’m learning how to wead in the good old fashioned way Oh Jane helpth mummy in the kitchen Peter helpth daddy with the car No wonder we gwow up to be Exthactly what we are My teacher tellth me thtorieth thteeped in the old twadition Where mawwying the handthome pwinth ith the hewoine’th ambition My mummy buyth me comicth, with Barbie in a pwetty dweth They show me jutht how I should look to be a weal pwintheth Oh Jane helpth mummy in the kitchen Peter helpth daddy with the car No wonder we gwow up to be Exthactly what we are Now the feminitht perthpective deemth all thith thtuff ith bad And thayth I should athpire to be exthactly like my dad But a lager thwilling bwickie ith not the job for me I want to work for a newthpaper with my photo on page fwee Oh Jane helpth mummy in the kitchen Peter helpth daddy with the car No wonder we gwow up to be Exthactly what we are

27

Nihilism Now

1

Matt Elphick

Lett me m Le mak akee th thin ings gs ccle lear arr fro room th thee sttar a t: I do no nott li l ke you u.

There, Ther e, II’vve sa said id iit. t. N Now ow,, do d n’ n’tt we aall ll feell so m muc u h be uc bett tter e ? So much er ucch of thi thiss wo w rl rld d is fi fillle leed wi with t th bulllsh bu shit it aand nd it fe feel elss re refr fres eshi h ng tto cu cutt aw wayy llif ife’ e’ss mi misc scel ella laane n ou ouss la laye yeers r of me m at to th thee rrootaati t ng n metal spit me itt w wit ithi hin n. How wev ever e nic nicee it is too kid oour urse s lv se lves es w wit i h ch it c il illi li ssaauce ce and d ssal alad ad,, wh w en you wake wa ke u up p in tthe he m mor orni ning ng w witth vo vomi m t in mi i you ourr ha hair ir you u’lll wi wish sh you’d ou u’d ccho h seen th ho he sp pit it.

Now I app ppre reeci ciat ate th that at iitt ma mayy ta t ke k yyou ou a litttl tlee wh whil iille to get up to t spe p ed w wit itth th this i , bu is butt pl plea ease se,, se trry to t kee eep p up up. Th The meetaal sp spit it iis a me meta t ph phor or for tthe he tru uth th.. No m mat atte terr w wh hat thi hiinl nly y sl sliiced iced d ani nima m l ma is iimp mp pal aled ed d on it it, th he sp spit it doe o s noot chan ch han a ge g , it iiss co cons nsta tant ta nt.. Th nt The me meat at conce on nceeal alss th thee sp spit it,, an it and d is ther th eref efor oree li lies es.

The ttru ruth th iiss th that at n non onee of thi hiss ma mattter ers. s I do noot ma matt tter er,, yo you u doo n not ot m mat atte ter. te r IItt is is w wri ritt ri tten tt en thaat an aut u ho h r mu must st be tr trul ulyy foorggot ul otte ten n fo forr a te text xt to re r ac ach h it i s fu full l p pot o en ot ntiial al. It iiss fa f r to tooo ea easy sy ffor or your wea eak k an nd im impr pres essi sion on nab blee min inds d to beeli ds lie ieve eve th that at eve eve very r aact ry ctio ct ion io n an nd ch c arraccte terr is a p par arod ar ody od y or metaap ph hor o ffor or the the aaut uthor’ ut r s life fe.. Ho Howe w ve ver, r,, aaut u ho ut h rs r mus ustt al also s for so forge gett th ge thei eirr re ei read aderr, noo mat atte terr ho te how w plea pl easa asa sant nt iitt iss tto suck cck kle at yo y urr eeve verr ge gene n roous ne u tteaat an a d pa p ra rade de ourse urrse s llv ves in fron frront ont off y you ou.. We ou h ve no ob ha bje j ct ctio ion io ns to fl flas ashi ash hing hing n sma sma m ll tri tri rian angl an g es gl e of sk kin in too ha havve ve ano noth t er h th han a dffull of no note tees st tes stuf u fe uf fed d betw be t eeen ou tw ur butt butt bu ttoc tock ocks – a ggir irll h ir haas too eat eat afftterr aalll lll.. B Bu ut we aare re n not ot w who hore ore ress and and al an alth th hou ough gh mon mon o ey y iss alw lwayys we w lc lcom o e an om and d mu much ch hn nee eede ee ded, de d, we doo th hiis foor th thee lo love ve of it it,, be beca caus usee we can d us doo nooth thin ingg in ell e. else It ap It ppe p arrs I haave v b bec ecom ec omee em om embr broi br oile oi led le d in aan n exxtend teend n ed dm met etap et a hoor an ap nd lo l st the p poi oint oi n. nt Let’ Let’ Le t’ss ma m kee thi h s cl c eaar: I d doo no not ot li l ke k you ou..

Th T is is is is a foot foot o not oo noote, e,, an n add additi itiona iti ona n l piec piec e e of info nforma rmaatio rm tion n giv ive iven ven at at the bot bo tom m of th thee paage gee to in i for form m thee rea reeader der.. der Thi hiis one has h s ve very ry y lit l tle u use othe use therr than haan to ma make ke you ac ke a cus custom tomed tom ed too the co conce ncept nce ceptt as it iss ssel eeld dom om u ussed d in in fi ficcctio tio ti tion. i n. n.

1

T e faact iiss that Th th hat yyou o rea ou r ade ders rss aare re a pla re lagu guee off bib gu bli lical cal pr ca prop o or op o tion ons. You o con nve verg r e in you rg ur thou th ousaand ousa ndss up pon o a nar a ratiive and gorrgee yyou ours rssel elff on o text, t, str trip ip ppi p ng n the he lea e ve ves off our ccar a effu ar ullly y c af cr a teed laang ngua uaage fro rom m thee page paage ge.. Yo Y u ta takke wha hatt is our u s an and d impo pose your ow wn me m an nin ings g upo gs pon n it.. Ho it H weve weve we v r, even ven th t ou ough gh it pa p in ns me me, I mu must stt con con once cede dee tha hatt we shaaree som ome foorm off loat looat aths hsom hs omee om symb sy mb biooti ticc rreela lati tioonsh ti ship ip p ttha h t cann ha ann not o be ig igno nore no r d. re d. Witho itho it hout u you o my voic ice is unh nhea e rd d and nd wittho hout me,, yo me y u do not oott hav ave ve tth h he es e caapism piism sm you o ssoo de desp per erat attel ely y crrave. ave We are th t e Gr G ae aeae a and n th nd hiis is n rr na rrat ativ at ivee is our ssin iv ingl in g e ey gl eye. e..

But u thi h s do does e not es o meaan th hat a we are ar fr frie i nd ie nds. s We ar s. are ac a qu quai aint ntan ance cees at besst. Now w sstu tu ufff yoour u se self lf w wit itth ficttio ion n fa fatt re r ad deerr, se serv rve ve yo your urr p pur u po ur p see, th hen n fuck k of o f. f Befo Be fore fo re yyou ou ssit i s a ma it man n of ttwe w nt we ntyy th thre reee ye re y ars arrs off aage g . Yo ge You u wiish to ki k ll him im. Yo Y u kn k ow thi hiss beca be caausse I ha have v w ve wrritt ritt t en itt an nd so havve gi given yo you ur cha ur hara ractter ract e thi thi hiss kn know ow wleedgge. His bac ack k is to yo y u and an d he he has has n not ot n not otic ot iceed ic ed yyou ou ur ar arri r va ri v l in h his is rrooom. The onl nly y li ligh ght coome mes fr from om the ccom ompu pu ute t r sccreeen n tha tha hatt he is work work kin ng at, att, th thee wh w it ite arrti tifi fici fi cial al lig al lig i ht ht ill illum min i at a in ingg his ou o tlin i e. H His is h haiir is ligh li gh ht br b ow wn and an nd cu cutt sh shor orrt. ort. t T The hee con nsttant ant cllick--cl clac acck of o tthe h key he yboar board bo d se s em ms comf mfor orti ting ng to you yo u an and d re remi mind mi ndss you yoo of an em embr bryo y ni yo nicc st stat ate, e, a wom omb blik blik ikee se sens n e of ssaf ns affet e y an nd ca c lm m. Pe Perh r ap rh ps y ur mot yo o he herr wa was a writ wrrit iter er or a se secr cret cr etar a y, tthe he n noi oiise ooff fing nger er tip ps on o k key e s fi ey filt l er lt erin ingg thro thro r uggh th thee ep pid ider e mi mis off tthe hee w wom omb b to you ourr un unde derd de rdev evel elop oped op ed d eear ars. ar s.

Doo no D n t wo worrry; y the figgur uree wi ur will ll n not o n ot not o ice ot icce yo you u, aass en ngr g os osse sseed in in his hiss worrk as he iss. T Taake y you ourr t me ti me, st s ud udyy th thee ro r om in wh whic ich ic h yo you u st stand. d Eve v ry yth thin in ng in it se seem em ms va vagu guel gu ely el y fa fami mili mi liiarr to yo you. u. Y You ou u reeme m mb mber e the er hee p pic ictu turees on tu o the h wal a l fr from o an ag om agei e ng ei n rel elat ativ at ive’ iv e s ho h us use, e, tthe hee ccar a pe ar p t an and d wa w ll llpa paape p r seem se e alm em mos ostt id iden enti tica c l to ttha ca h t wh ha hic i h ad ador o ne ned d a ho home m fro me rom m you yoour ur chi hild ldho ld hood ho o . Al od A th thou o gh y ou you ou doo not not own oone n , th t e gr g eeen gl glas ass looze as z ngge of of a des e k laamp is fa fami mili mi liar li arr to yoou fr from om man any y li libr b ar br ary y scen sc enes e in es n olld mo movi v es. vi es Th T e bo b ok o s th that at lin inee th t e sh sheelve elve v s ar a e alll ti titl t es tl es ttha hatt yo ha you u ha hav ve rrea ve ead. d The d. c icck-cllac cl a k fr from om m the typ ypew ew wrriite terr2 con ontinu nues es.

Bre B reat a he d at dee eeeply, ste tead adyy yo ad your ur nerrve v s.. Y You ourr palm ou paalm lmss fe feel el w wet eett witth sw weaat. Wip pe th them em m oon n yo your u ur jaack c et to re remo move mo v the he moi o st sturre. You u can ffee eell bead ee beead adss of p per e sp er pir irat attio ion n fo f rm min ingg on you ourr fo fore rehe re head he ad d e en ev n ttho houg ho ugh ug h th he ro room om iiss co c ol ol.. Yo You’ u’vee com omee th t is far ar,, do don’ n’tt lo lose see you ourr bo bott tttle le n now ow.. ow You You o rrea each ch iint ntoo yo nt your ur ins nsid idee ja id jack ck ket poc o ke kett an and d br brin in ng ou out a we w ap apon on.. Th he ty type pe d doe oess not oe not ma no matt tter tt err - it ccou ould ou ld db bee a gu gun n or a kkni nife ni fee. A leeng ngth th ooff le lead ad pip ipin iin ng wo w ul u d al a so b bee su suffi fficie ffi ient nt.. Fe nt Feel eel tthe hee w wei eigh ei ghtt gh of it it in you o r ha hand nd. Le L t th thee co c ol olne ness ne ss ooff it itss su urffac a e leeach acch in into to you ourr pa pallm lm. Le L t it it bec ecom ecom omee an n exxteens nsioon off yyou nsio ours ou r el rs elf. f. IItt fe feel ells so soli liid, per erfe fect fe ctly ct ly ssui ly uiti ui ting ti ng iits tss pur urpo poosee. Fe F el e the he wei eigh g t of it in gh i you ur hand ha nd,, le nd lett th hatt w wei eigh ei ghtt re gh r as assu sure su ree yoou u.

Typew Ty peewrit riter er Yo er?

You u scan caan bac back ck thr throug th ough ou h the pre r vio re vious uss par pa agr graph aph to t co confi nfirm nfi rm m you y urr susp yo usspici pici i ons. ons. Yes, ons es, ju usstt th theere, ree, on onl n y a fe nl few w line linees abo bov oovve. e.. T Thi his ssimp imp mp plee error err rror o should sho hould d have havee bee b en spot p ted po ed in n th thee sec eco coond d dra raaft f an and nd un u der norma normal rma m l cirrcum cumst cu sta st tance c s would oul u d not hav havee made made dee it in into to pri to p nt. n Th nt he auth auth uthor or is is ass hum u an n as a you yo or o I and nd d ass pr prone o tto su on such ch h err rrors rors r.

2

As previously men en nti t oned ed d, th his p perso soon ha h s ca caus u ed us d you o off off ffen en nce ce.. H Hee mig ight ht hav ht avee sl s ep eptt wi w th h yo hus your u band or wife fe.. Mi M ght have swi wind dle led d yo you u ou ut ooff som me m moon neeyy.. May h hav avve sp pil iltt yo y ur ur drink in n a barr. His po politiical sttancee m may be so ext xtre reme re me aass to mak me ke yyoour u b blo loood db boi o l. It co oi c uld d ev even en be som methingg insignifica c nt likee th he waay hee nev ever er cle er lear arss up ar u aaft f err him ft i self seelf lf oorr le l avves tthe he ttoi oile lett se s at up p. Ev Every. y Sin ingl g e. e Fuccki k ng. Time me. It doe o s noot ma matt t er wha tt hat itt is, s, as lo lon ng aass it ng it’s ’s the h re re.. Fi Find nd y you ur m tive, ho mo h ld on to it, t rolll it aro r un u d yoour min nd an and d mu mull ll it ov oveerr aass yo y ur mou o th w wou ould ld dab boi oiiled led swee sw e t.

You Y ou seee, th this nar a ra r tive ve is ve very ry mucch liike a box of ch c occol olates attes ((li life li fe iiss no not) t). I ha have ve giv iven en y you ou t e bo th b x, x b but ut iitt is i up to you ou whi hich ch cho hoco c laate co tess yoou ea eatt an and ho h wq qu uiicckly. klly. y How oweever er, th thee ou outc tcom com me w ll alwayss be the wi he sam me – th thee bo box wi will ll b bee em mptty an nd yo y u’ u ree lef e tw wiith ssti tick ti cky y fi fing nger g rs. Or in thi hs hi case, yo ca you wiill killl me me..

I can a ima an magiine yyou ourr pu uzz zzle led d faace c and dm mus ustt co conf nffesss th nfes t att iitt br brin in ngs me a ce c rt rtai aiin de degr g ee ooff gr amus am usem emen en nt. t Ih hav ave ne neve v r cl clai aiime m d to be a re reli liab li iablee narrra rato tor, r, bu utt ttru rust stt me w wh hen e I say say ttha hatt th this is is true. e Ple leas ase, e,, cre reep ep p cclo l se lo serr to to tthe he figgur u e. I p ur prromiisee I wil wiilllll noot tu turn rn n. P Peeer over o my y shooul u de derr an a d reead read d tthe he w wor ords ds ttha hatt I wr w it i e. e. Now do yo you u seee? e As I type tyype p tthe h m, theey en he ente terr yo y u an and d yo you u kn know ow iitt to b bee tr truee. We are are m mirrors r facing miirr rror o s, yyou or ou u and nd II.. Le Lett mee w wrrite te iitt ag agai ain n fo forr yoou. u. Y You ou w wil illl kill ki ll m me.

‘Bu But si sir! r!’’ I he h arr yyou cry,, ‘Y ‘ ou havee do d ne ne n not othi ot hiingg ttoo of o fe fend nd me an a d so why hy w wou ould ld dIw wis i h to is c us ca usee yo you u ha harm r ?’ ?

You seeem too ffor o geet (and nd d how ow w qui uick ck kly y!)) ttha hatt I ha ha have vee ssle lept pt wit ith h yo y ur hus u ba b nd n or wi w fe (annd wife wi fe iiff yo you u ar aree so inc ncli line ned) d), st stol olen en n yyou ou ur mo mone neey, y, sspi pilt pi lltt a d dri rink n d nk dow own n yo your braand new w oou utfit an utfi nd left le ft the ttoi oile lett se seat att u up. p. E Eve very ry.. Si S nggle le.. Fu uck ckin in ng. g. T Tim ime. im e. T The h se rreaaso he s nss are clear learly ly eeno n ug ugh h too wan nt to ccau ause se a cer erta tain in deggre r e off har a m3. ‘‘We We for orgi give ve you ou’ yo you u sa sayy (a (alt lttho ltho houg u h on ug onee of o yyou ou aadd d s th dd t att forrgi give vene neess s com com o es at th he co cost s ooff st a dr d y clea cllea eani ning ni n b ng billl) l . ‘W ‘Wee wi w sh s no ha harm rm aga g in inst st yoou u, th hes esee th hiin ngs g h hap appe peen, n noo haard d fee eeli ling nggs. s.’’

Hus ush h hu hush sh h, de dear ar rea eade der, de r you r, ourr impl impl im plor oorrin ng wo w rd ds ar are to n noo av avai a l. ai l I am wr writ itin ingg th this is oon n a br brig ight htt Noove N v mb berr morni orrni n ngg in 20 2 09 09. Yo You u ar aree re r ad a in ingg th t is at so some me p poi oint nt iin n th he fu futu ture re and so yo you ur w rd wo r s an a d ac acti tion ti o s ca on c n ha have ve no eff efffect fe on n me m . An A y attte temp mptt to t div iver ertt th thee co cour urse se of th hiss n narrra rati tive ve is aass fu futi t le aass sh ti s ou uti ting n war arni ning ngss to tthe he pla laye yers rs on n a st stag age. e I aam m su sure re ttha h t ma m ny y ooff you u ar are te temp mpte t d to ssto top p re read ad din ing now. w.

‘Ah Aha! a ’ yo a! y u th thin ink, k ‘th his w wil illl stop op tthi hiss crraz azed ed aand nd dp pow ower er hun ungr gryy wo word dsm smiith!’’ bu b t yo you u wo woul uld d b mis be i taake ken. n If yo y u st stop op rrea eadi ding n now ng w the hen yo you u wi will ll kkill my voi oice ce, an and d what is a wr writ iter er w wit itho hout ut thei th eirr vo ei voic ice? ic e? Y You o wil ou illl me mere r ly be gett re ttin ing to the p poi oint nt ssoo oone ner th than an tthe h oth t er ers. s If yo If you u arre st stil illl co conf nfus nf ussed e , th then en n lleet me us usee an aapt pt ((if if ssom omewha hatt ov overused ed)) me meta taph phor or ttoo illlu lumi mina mi nate na t tthi te h ng hi n s fo f r yo you; u; I aam m a sp pid ider and d tthi hiss na narrrat ativ ivee is my we web. b. Y You ou,, re read ader er, ar aree th he fly (orr ot (o othe herr su he such ch h ins nsec e t4 of yo ec your urr cho h os osin ing) in g) ttha h t ha ha hass be becoome ent ntan angl gled ed in in my ccre reat atio i n.. F io For or eeve very ry inteent and in dp pur urpo ur pose po se yoou u aare r now min re ine. e. I wil illl wr wrap ap you you iin n wo word rdss an and d le leav avee yo you u da dang ngli ling ng for fo aass loong aass I seee fit. IIn n fact factt I h fa hav a e ju av just st llef e t yo ef you u hoove v ri ring ng b bet ettwe w en ssen ente tenc nces es for ooverr an h hou our, r, eev ven th hou ugh h you yyou ou urs rsel elff we el w re not aawa w re of it wa it.. Bu ut I am md don o e to on toyi ying ng w wit itth yo you u no now w. I hav havee pl p un unge ged d my m y fou o nt ntai ainn ti ntip pp ped ed ffan an ngs g dee eep wi eep with th hin your our fr ou fram aam me an nd in nje ject cted ed d yyou ou w wit i h my iink nkky poois ison on.. Yo You u willl d wi diisso issolv lv ve fr from om m tthe he ins nsid idee ou id out. t t.

An nd if if they they he arre not, n t, pl pleas ease eas ase reread ereead d the th he first st pa page ge an and nd a hal halff of of this this hiis pi p ecee. Read it un until til yoourr fac face flushes ushes.

T is tra Th ransf ra ns orm nsf o ati a on from at fro room huma huma m n to inse nsect ns ct iss m mucch less less e gr g an and tthan a the on onee that takes k place kes place in Ka Kafkaa’s famous fam ous woork. O On th t e outs out utside uts de yyou stil tilll appear ppear to be ppe be hum uman, um an an, n too have have two tw llegs and an tw two arms rms,, ten finger fingerss and and ten n toe oes, s, but b tr bu trust ust me me, on the ins in nside id , you ide yo are ree no n thi h ng but but an in bu insec nsecct. t. Ala Al s, s I do do not hav havee Kafk Kafka’s a’s po p wer er wi with th wor ordss too mak makee the the tra r nsf n orm mati a on at n com comple pl te. ple e.

3 4

Thiss ma may seem like ra rath her aan exxtr trav a agan a t way to kill on an ones esel elf, f, b but ut wha hat arre writ i ers if not ott ex a agan extrav ant? We wrap p ourselves in laang n uage g , pe perusing the she helv lves es of ou ourr lexi xico con, n, picki k ng only on ly the he mos o t ch choi oice cee p phr h as hr a ess aand nd words ds. Beside des, s thi his waay I ge g t to ttak ke th hou ousand ndss5 of readers nd d w th me an wi a d at thee ssam amee ti timee liv ive foreeve ver. r Ih have al alwa w ys wa y fanci cied ci ed mys ysel elff ass a litter eraary Th T es eseu e s, reli re livi ving ng my pr prou oude d st mom men e ts iin n soome m p perrpetual Gro roun nd Ho H g daay.

Tak T ake an a ot othe h r sttep cclo he loseer. I am m wi w th hin n aarm rm’s reach ch now o . Again, do no not fe fear ar tha hat I will notice noti no ce yyou o . Br ou Brea eath the,, iitt is n th nea e rl ea rlyy ov over er.. Yo Y u ar a e no now w soo clo lose se tha hat yoou caan feel e thee heatt radi el d attin i g from fr om m myy sk kin aand nd d I iin n tu turn rn can ffee eell yo y urr pre rese senc nce at m my y ba back ck k. Th Ther e e is er i no re refl flec ecti tion n in in my m m ni mo nito torr as I wou ulld d exp x ec ect, t, n noo si silh lhoouet ettte ted d im imag agee st stre retc tche h d in into to m mon onst stro rouss pro ropo poort rtio ions n by th ns he curvat cu atur uree off tthe he gla lass ss.. Yo You ar aree a fo fore reig i n no ig nobl b e th bl t at has ssee eepe p d as fog u pe und nd der erne neat ath th my m ccha haamb mber er doorr. do Is it n not ot iiro roni nic th hen en,, th that at iitt is is I who is th the de demo mon? n? It is I, th thee au auth th horr, wh whoo flie i s un unn notice noti ced d abooutt th ab the ro room m ass ga gas; s inv inv n is i ib ible le,, go godd-llike. It is I wh whoo ha h s tr tran ansfi an sfixed you you w wit ith h my cru r ell eyee, cont ntro rollled the str t in ngs and nd sen e t yo you u do d wn w thiis pa path th.. Itt iiss I,, the h aaut utho hor, r who who has p plo lott tted tt ed d the the dooom m of I,, the h cha hara ract c er er. Yoou an a d I, the narrato tor, r, h hav avee me mere rely ly bee een n a me mean anss too an en nd. I am ev ver erywhe h re re, th ther e e is no esca c pe. I am m an unhooly tri rini nity ni ty;; au ty uth horr, ch char arac acte terr an a d na narr rrrat atorr as on one. e.

Yett I sti till l find it sstr tran ange gee to seee myself att su uch aan n angl gle. e. F Flo loat atin ingg se seve vera rall in i ch ches es aabo bovee you o r leftt shooul le u der, r, tthi hiss vi view ew of ones esel elff is nor o mall llyy reeserved e for o the h d dyi y ng and yi d tha h t br b ie ieff mo mome ment nt nt at tth he bar arbe beer’s wh w en n yyou nod you ourr ap appr prov o al al. It iis noot of ofte ten n th hat oone ne ccan an ssee ee one neself lff in th t ir ird d p rs pe rson n. I can see ev everry st stra raand of ha hair ir on th the ba bacck of my m hea e d; not q qui uiite t b bro rown w it re wn rest s s th st theree l ke d li dir i ty y ggol o d. d It has a natu turaal ki tu k nk k tto it tha h t me m an anss th that a iitt do at does nott llie com mpl p et etel e y flat aand nd in the li th ligh ght th hese kiink n s sh how w off a pal alette of co colo l ur urs, s eac s, ach su subt btly dif ifffe fereent nt. Th he ha hair ir on n th he si s dee of tthe h hea ead d is at su uch c a len engt gth h th hat it creeeps over th he ed e ge off th he ea ears rss, like ke iivy v plu lund nder derin r ng th the wind wi ndow ows of an ol old d hoous u e. M Myy cr crow own li lies e offf to th es thee righ g t li gh like k an un unbl b in bl i ki king ngg eeye ye.. Itt is a sw swir irli ir liing ling voort rtex e of ha hair ir and nd ffol o licles ol e , a tw wis isti ting n por o ta tal to mytths and nd dar arkn k es kn e s. Or, it is tthe h wat ater er fro rom m thee ba th batth of th he wo worl rld, d b bla lack k sil iltt an a d sccum witth ov oval bubbles es,, al alll dead dead sski de kin n an a d di d rtt.

It co could d be b bot oth h off the h se orr no none ne, peerh hap ps on ne orr the he oth theer. No N m mat atte ter, er, it is sti tiill an ey eye, e e, crue cr uel an and d ha hard r . If I eye yess arre th the wiind ndow too th he soul ul,, th ul hen b beh ehin in nd th his i w wel e ll-pr p eserrve pr v d box sa sash sh h iss w whe here re tthi hiss na n rrat ativ ive ve wa w s bo born rn. It iis time to cl clos osee th the cu curt rtai ains ai ns and d ttoo ja jab b on o e fing n err, co comple l tee with wi th dir irty yn nai ail, l, kknu nuck ckle le d dee eep p in into t tthe he socket.

SSoo pl plan nt yo your ur ffee eett sh shou uld lder er w wid idth th aapa p rtt, le pa let them m ggro row w ro r ot otss in into to thee flooor or.. Ch Checck th t e weig we ight ht ooff th thee we weap apon on iin n yo your u h han and d on once more, e taake a de e, deep ep pb bre r at ath. h Adj h. djus ustt yo yourr gri rip; p;; if you’re usin us ingg a gu gun n yo you u ma mayy wa want nt ttoo sttea eady dy y yyoour ai aim m wi with t y th you ourr ot othe her ha hand n . Th nd Thee ey eyee st star arres b bac a k at you yo u de defi fian antl tly, y w y, wha hatt a pe perf rfec ectt ta targ rget et iitt make kes. s L Laake Tr Trit iton on nb bec e ko kons n.

Read Re ad der er,, se serv r e yo y ur p pur urpo pose se,, th then en n ffuc uckk of off. f

31

Th This may be a sli slight htt exa exagg ggera eratio era tion ti n on on my my part part,, as as I im imagi agine agi n tha thatt fewe fewe werr than han tw went entyy peop peop o lee wil wi l ever e r re read ad d thi th his.

5

I love the touch of virtuoso fingers on my ivory. If I could, I would

I need a borrowed will.

keep my keys under lock and key,

The ins and outs of borrowed skill.

so clumsy children

For there is so much time to kill.

could not embarrass me.

And if I were merely left to stand, a forgotten instrument,

Here for many years I have stood,

lacking hands,

sweet-smelling, elegant, varnished wood.

I would be useless.

I know the intricacies of symphonies, the tests of arabesques, although without a partner in tune, my melodies are felonies, and fade so soon.

Do you understand?

Grand Stefan Mohamed

{ Moth } Stefan Mohamed

T e ke Th kett ttle tt le ste t am med d intto siilleenc n e. e Mot oth h poour ured eed d hot watterr oont ntoo co nt coff off f ee e and sug ugar arr, st stir irre ir red d an nd stop st oppe op p d. pe d H Hee ween ntt to th he fr frid id idge dge g . Th Ther erre wa wass br b ea ead, d, che d, hees esse, e ham m and d a few w veggettab ble les. s. No miilk s. lk..

M th rrub Mo u beed h ub hiis un u ti tidy dy bla lack k ffri riing nge, e, a hab bitt he he ba b reely not otic iced ic ed,, be befo foree p fore fo pul ulli ul l ngg hiss ggre rreey ho rey hood o od over ov er h his is hea hea ead d an and d leeav a iin ng the th he fl flat a . He alr at l eady eaady y had his key key eyss an a d wall waall llet e in hi et hiss p poock cket et.. He wen et ent d wn do n thee d dir iirrty y staair i s, s, hiss nos osee soo accus ccus cc u toome m d to t mou ould d and n wett fur and d uri rine ttha hatt he ha h did i n’ nt smel sm elll th ell them any ym moore r . He H kne new w wh whoo liiveed beehi h nd dm mos o t of os o the oth ther her e dooorrss aand nd d did idn’ dn’ n t sp spea eak ea to tthe heem m..

Outs Ou tsid ts idee wa id w sb bllaacck an and d co c ld d, and an nd sh s iny iny afftteer th in he ra rain in. A lo l sstt kiittte t n bl blin nkkeed fr from from map pos oossteer. r. Two wo teen te een nagger erss att the thee bus us ssto toop weere tak akin i gp in piict ctur ures e of of on ne an anot othe ot h r wi with ith th their heeiirr mob obil i e ph il hones on ness. Mo Moth th h walk wa l ed p lk pas a t, as t, the he ccli lick li ck k of hiis ttrrai aineers on the th he pa pavveement meent ffor ormi ormi or ming ing croosss-rrhyythms th hms ms witth pa p ssssin i g caarss aand nd d the h mufffl fled e bea ed eats ts ffro room a p paarty rty so rt some meewh wher e e. e.

Auto Au toma to matiic do ma door door ors humm hu um mm med ed apa partt an part nd d Motth w weent nt to th thee daair iryy co c un unte ter. te r He ch r. hosse a tw woo li litr tree tr caart r on n ooff sk skiim mme m d miilk k and nd wal alkkeed to to sta tand aatt the tand th he ch checckkooout chec utt, sq s ui uint ntin nt ing sllight igght htly ly y. The The sh Th hop op’ss fluo uoreesccen ent liigh ghts htss sstu tu tung ung ng hiiss eyyeess.. An ol old wooma maan n in in fro rontt of him hiim ffu h u umb mble mb led d ov over ver e th hee ch haang ange nge in ng n heer p h pu urs rse se w wh hil ile th he giirl rl at tth he ch he hec ecko kou utt graci raaci cioou usl usl sly ttrriieed to t hid ide h heer ffrrus ru ussttrrat a iioon. n. Sh hee had ad lon ng b on bl ndee h hai aiir aan nd vi v ol o ett eyee shaado dow. w. Fin i al ally ally y the he old ld wom oman an cou untteed d ou utt th hee llaas ast st off herr coop pp peer cooin ns an nd qu uiivver ver ered d a ‘Th Thaan nk yyoou’ u’, lleeav avin ing with with wi th heerr troollley. ey y. M Mooth h paid aiid fo for h hiis mi milk illk k, retu reeturn tu urn nin ing th he gi g rl rl’s l’s smi milee butt nott her er words orrd dss, s, an and nd w waalk ked ed baacck to to hiss flat. t. He p poour ured eed d a sau auce cerr of mil i k fo for thee ca th cat th thatt came that am me purr pu urrrin ing oou ut off now wh heere ere re at th he slloosshi hing ng ssou ound ou nd. d. The hen he he put u tthe he millk in n the he ffrriid dge dge ge. Hi His is co coffee ffffee e waass sttiill ll warrm an and he he draan nk k it. t. Mot oth hd drrank an nk b bllac lac ackk cooff ffeeee.

He ssat He att at th the he wi window nd dow w wit witth a p piiec e e off p pap ap per er and nd a pen enci cill an and dr drew rew w unt unt ntill it goot liigh ht.. It ccooul uld baare b are rely rely y be ca call lllleed d llig ight ig ht, as a tthe heree wass no sh he here hin ine orr coollou our to to the he morrniing ng, bu but M Mooth h did dn n’’t m miind. nd d.

Brrig B rigght ht sun n stu ung ng his is eye y ss.. He fo focu cuse seed ffoor th he fi firs rstt ti rs time m on wh haatt he’ e’d be e’d been eeen n dra raw wiing ing ng. g. A ba baby aby by with wi t a cru rum mp ple ple led tabl taab bllooiid ffrron ont pa pagee for or a nap ppy py an nd d tthe hee ffac h acce of of a mid ddle dllee-aged aggeed d per erve rve verrtt, ho hook okeed oked d up to lo up loom omin ing, ng, g, ch hu unk ky ma mach hin neess and d sn naake ke-llikke dr drip ps viia tran trraan nsp par aren reen nt tu tube bes fu f ll ll of v vaariou riou ri ous lliiqu iqu quid ds, s, whi h le le blank laan nk k-ffaced aced ac d men en and wom omen in su suit its lo its look oked d oon. n. Mootth put n. pu ut it it in a d drraw aweerr and nd made ma de a pie ieccee of tooas ast, t, tthe heen goot cch h han angeed an a d left lefftt foorr woorrkk.. le

W rk Wo k inv nvol olve ol olve ved d st stac aacccki king ki n the sheelv ng lvess at a lo loca c l su upe perm marke arrke ket. t. Mot t. o h wa w s good goood od at it it.. He H w wor oorrke ked l ng lo n hou urss w wit i ho it hout ut bre r ak a s an and ne neve vveer co comp comp mpla l in ined d. In n fac act h hee rar arel relly sp s ook ke att aall ll. He ll He’d d bee een n therre lo th long ng eno ng n u uggh to knoow th he fa facce ces off man ny off the the he rreg egul eg ular ular ul ars aan nd retu reetu turn rneed d the heiirr greeet e in ingss wit ith h vagu va guee smil gu sm mil iles es;; he es h kkne n w th ne hat he wa wass kn k ow wn as as ‘th he la lank nky y yoou un ng ma man wi w th h the he str tran anggee ey an ange yees’ s’,, or ‘th or ‘th hat a stran trange tr an ngee onee wit wit i h th he loon ngg arms’ rm ms’’ or ‘tthe vac a an antt boy boy w bo wiith h th hee oodd dd smi dd smi milee’. mile ’. He ha had n noo feeel e in ngss abo abo bout utt thi h s on onee way waay or the h ooth th ther her er.. It It waass jus ust on onee ooff man any th t in ngs gs th haat he he kneew w..

It wass d dar arrk wh hen n he fi fini niished sh hed wor ork an and he he wen nt ho h me me,, fe fed tth he ccaat an he and d maade de a ham m and nd chee ch e se san ee a dw dwic icch. The The h re re was a no ju j ic ice soo he w weentt to to the th he sh hop p aro roun und nd th thee co coorn rn nerr and nd bou ough ugh ght some so me,, an me a d waas seerv r ed by th thee bl b on onde nde d girrl.. H Her err eyyee sh haadoow waas p peeac ach h tood daay, y, and d she h smi mile led and an d hee smi mile led le d baack. ck k. Sh he didn didn di n’tt ssay ayy any ytth hiin ng th ng this his i tiim m me. ee.. Mot oth h we went ntt hom n me,, drraank nk som me ooff t e ju th j ic i e and an nd li list list sten en ned to ca cass cass sset ette t ttap te ap apes peess th haat h hee kep eptt in n an an ol old caardbo old rd dbo boarrd b booxx.. Aph phex hex ex Twi w n, n, Bill Bi l ie Hol olid id daayy, Ch hop o in i , Dv Dvor o ak ak, Elli Ellliioottt Smit SSm mit ith, h, Fra rank nk n k Sin nat a ra raa,, G Gaary ry Num Num man n, H Hiind ndi Za Zahr h a, a, Iggy Ig y Pop op, Jo Joan anna New an anna ewso som, so m K Kin ingg Tu in Tubb bb by, y, Led dZ Zep ep ppe pelliin, peli n The he Mol o dy dy Peaacch hes es, N Niina na Sim imon mon one, e, e, Orrbi bita tal, l, Pet l, etul ulaa Cl ul Clar ark, ar ark, k Q Que ueeen u enss O Off The he Sto tonee Aggee, Ra Ray yC Ch har arle rllees, s, Skrreeaam, m, Tiin nar a iw wen en n,, U U2 2, V va Vi vald ld di, Wag agne neer, r Xavvie ierr Ru Ru udd dd d, Y Yooko ko O Ono no, Ze no Zeml Zeml m in nsk s y. y. He li lisstten ned d unttil il mor o ni ning ng, ng g, th then en went we nt to wo nt work k.

Hee finis H ishe hed ea hed e rl r yy,, and n wen nt an and d sa s tb by y the h rivver er an nd d aate te a keb te bab ab. IItt ttas asstteed w wrron ng. g. The he rive ivver er waas taarr was r y slud slud sl dge ge ccho hooke ked ed w wiith th rub bb biish h, bu b t on onee b biird irrd d sang ang an an and nd M Mooth th sm miileed brie brrieefl fly. y. On hi y. his is waay home w hom ho mee h hee st stop o pe op ped d at at the he corrn neer sh shop p to bu b y cciigare garreettttes ga es he k kn new w he wo woul uld dn n’tt smo moke k . Th The he ggiirl r was asn’ sn’ ntw woork rkiin n ngg toda toda to d y. y He th hreew th he ciiga gare reetttteess in th he bi bin oou utsid tssid idee tth he shop sh hop op and nd ween nt ba back k to his is flat, at, t, w whe heere h ere re he drrew w eeve very ve ryy bird ird he ir he cou ould ld thi h nk k oof, f, dra f, rank k cof offe ffe fee an and li list sten ened d to di d ffer ffer ff eren ren ent l veels of argu le arggu ar um meent nt fro rom tth he fl flat atss ab at bovve an and be belloow w.. The he bui uild ldin din ing fe fell ll sil ilen len ent aarrrou oou und nd tthr hree hr ree ee in th the the m rn mo rnin ing, in ng, g, and d Mot oth dr d ew w a fat at wom man an w wit iitth ca cam meerraas fo for ey yes es and d kni nive ves for ffoor fi fing ngger erss,, and nd all ll heer tiny h tiiny y exx-hu husb hu ban ands dss run unni niing ng for foorr th heeirr livves es. H Hee went ent ou en out be befo forree it ggoot li fore liggh ht an and ki k cck ked d sto tone ones nees i to in to the h riivver ver as the th he su sun trrie ied an nd fa failleed d to ri rise se. Hee th hoooug ught ug ht he cooul uld ld he heaarr som omeeoon nee cry yin ng soome mewh wh herre,, bu utt h hee w waasn sn’tt su urre. re. e. He se sear arch arch hed ed aro roun oun und nd ffooorr a fe few m miinu nutes nute tes aan te nyw yway yway ay,, allth thoou ugh h he foun fo u d no n th hin ing. ing. g. T The heen h h hee wen entt ho home me,, go got ch chan ange ged an and we went nt to w woorrk kk,, le lett ttin ing th he cryi crryi ying ng dis isso solve lv ve in nttoo a blu ur of of cer erea eaal booxxees an eal and ju uic i e ca cartton ons aan nd ot other heer sh hoop ppi pin ping nggg..

Th hat evveeni ningg Mot oth th we went nt hom nt ome to to cha hang nge, e, fed e, d th hee cat at aand nd d wen ent ba back ck out ut intto th the ci the city, ty, h ty hoood d up p,, haand hand ds po pocckkeetted. ed. The ed The aiir bu Th uzz zzed ed with ith si it sign gnal alss:: raad diioo wavves; es; ph es pherom eroom er mon oneess; voic voic vo ices es th haat tth hoou uggh ht th heey y were ere si er s leentt; iin nvi visi sib blle p paath hwa ways yyss con onneecctttin ing comp in comp co m ut uter eerrrss aan nd te tele lep ph hoon nes es and d sou oulss. M Mooth otth h heear h a d ever eevver erythi eryt ytthi hing hing ng, an and nd w wh hen en he chos ch hos ossee ttoo notic otic ot ice iitt, it ice it p pla lay la yeed ed in nh his is h is hea eeaad like ead lik li kee mu ussic siicc. He He ssto toopp ppeed d at the at he corrneer ssh hop op and nd boou u ugh ggh ht a ba bana nan na naa, b bu ut oon nce ce aga aggaain n th hee blloon nd de gi girl rl waassn n’’t th herree.. Mot oth aatte hi his b baan naan naa aass he he wal alke ked. d.

He sto He top pp ped ed to ad adm miire re an ovveerrhe head ad train rain ra in brriidg dge. e. Ittss und nder der ersi sid dee cllaank ked d ru ussttiily ly, bu but ut on one si sid dee haad h ad be been en fea earrlles esssl sslly pl plas asteerreed w aste wiith th gra raffi affi ffi fitti ti iin n tho houssaan nds ds of lu luriid co colour lou lo urrs, s, liik ke an an old ld hoorrror rroor film fi lm pos lm osteerr.. It It was waas an an eru rupt upt ptioon of of bu uxxom m wom omen omen en, te ten nttaacccle llees, s, rob obot ots, s, liv liv ivin viin ng ttrree ng ees, ees, s, bur urni nin ngg sp pacceessh hiips ps and and nd bizzaarrrree bllooobs bs, bs s, an and th thin ings gs tha thaat mi migh g th haav vee bee een wo word rds. s. It w woou ulld p prrob obably ab bly y be gone go ne by tth he mo morn rnin ing. g. M Mot oth loook ot oked keed d aatt tth he aarrt u un nti til il iitt sta tart rteed d to ffaaade dee in hi d his eey yes es, th then en coon nttiinu nueed d onwaarrd on ds. s.

Th he ri riive ver sang ve sang sa ng the he blu lues es. Bl Blocks ooccks ks of fl flat ats ggrrum ats at umb blled ed. d. R Raain n feelll b baacck kw waard rds ds iin ntoo tth hee sky h kyy,, h hiitt ttin ing ng ccllou oud dss lik ike pi piaan no kkeeyyss. M Mooth th sttooood d in tth he cceent ntre re of itt all ll, lett leett ttin ttin ng it it wra rap h hiim up up, and an nd a fe few tteear ear arrss ffeell ell ll fro rom hi his si silver llvver ery ey eyess. He He won ond deere red iiff th hee cryin ryiin ry ng he’d hee’d h ’d hea earrd eard d th haat m moorrn nin ing ha had b beeen n hiis. h s. An eeccho ho, oorr a mem moorryy.. E Eve very ve very ryon one th thoou ugh ugh ght th haatt tim ime mo move move ved fo forrw wards ards ar ds, an and on and only ly foorrw waarrd d ds. s. s.

Mootth M h cou oulld d haavve ve educ eed du uccaatted ed peeoopl ple a ggrrrea eat de ea deal al, iiff hee’’d ca care red to to.

Th he ni n gh g t sky sk ky wa wass tu turn rrn nin ing ng fr from oom m ligght-p ht-p ht -pol ollu ol l te ted ed bl blac acck to a parrti tial allly l -ssig ight h ed d pur urpl ple wh ple pl w en e h hee goot hoom mee. He He sstr trrokkeed d tthe he cat he at for o a whi hile and nd mad ade de cooffee ffeee and ff n toa toaastt, th theen n satt aand nd n d car a ef eful ully ly d ew dr e the the gra r ffi f ti he he had d see een, n ev n, veery dettaiil, fro fro r m th he ti t ny mon onke keey th key that att he doou ub bteed ma m ny y had d noti no tiicceed to the he imp mpos o si os sibl blyy de yd ta tail i ed swa il w mp mon nstter er, ca caug ught htt dev e ou ouri r ng ri n ap pri rincces ri ess mi m dd biite t . By B thee ti th t me m he’ e d fi fini n shed ni sh hed d, it i wass tim me for foor wo work r aga rk g in n.

M th had Mo d bee een n at wor orkk tw wen enty ty min ty inut uttes whe u whe h n a maan in in a rrui uine ui n d su ne suit itt stu umb ble led d in i . He He was was g tttin ge ingg ol old an and d re r ek e ed d of al alco coho co h l, ho l, and dem eman a de an ded d to buy thr h eee botttl tles e of wh es whisske key. ey. The he mid ddl dlee agged aged d che heck ck kou ut la lady ady d was a try yin ng to rref effus u e hi him m but bu ut he scr sccrrea eame meed sl m s urrre red d cu curs r es rs e in in heer fa face ce.. ‘You ce ‘Y You o r fu uck kin i g sh shop op’s op ’ss ope p n! n II’v ’vee goot ass muc ’v u h fu uck kin ingg ri r gh ghtt to t fuc ucki kiingg buy aany nyyth thin in ng as aany nyon ny onee ellsee! on G ve Gi v me myy fuc fuc u king king whiisk ki key ey!’ !!’’ Spit piit an nd sp pirit irritts flew w fro rom m hi h s mo m u utth too the che h ck ckou ou out ut la lady dy y’ss f cee. ‘Y fa ‘You ou ffuc uccki king ng cun unt! tt!!’ Sh he st star arrte ted d too ccry r . Se ry Secu cu uri rity ty y wer eree co comi m ng n , bu butt Mo M th th wal alke ked ovver ked ke er to the man and n put u h his iss han ands d on hi ds hiss sh hou ould lder ld ers. er s. Th hee man n lloo oooke k d up up at hi h m. m. ‘Do Don’ n’’t fu n’t f ck c in i g toouc uch h me me!’ !’’

M th Mo h jjus usst lo look ook ked d aatt hi h m, m and d gri ripp p ed h pp him i quiite im t h har a d. ar d Not eeno nooug n u h ttoo cau use se p pai ain, ai n b n, but utt enoug u noouggh th hatt he he co coul uldn ul dn d n’t swiingg his i fists t . Th Thee ma man n loooked okkeed d int n o hiis ey yess, re r al ally ly loo ly o ke ked, d, and d, d qui uick kly stop st oppe op ped pe d sh hakkin ing. g. His ssca carl ca rlet rl et ski kin n pa pale led. le led. d. B Byy th t e ti time me the h ssec ecur ec urit ur itty ggu uard ard wa ar wass ussheri heriing him ou he utt o the shoop, h of hee waas as as doc doc o ille as a chi h lld d. Th he la l dy y sai sai a d a so some mewh me wh w hat une neas asy as y ‘T Tha hank nk y nk you ou ou’ u’ to t M th Mo h, wh ho no nodd dded dd eed d and dw wen en nt ba back ck k to hi hiss ai aisl s e. sl e Late La tteer on n, Mo M th h satt at hi hiss wi wind nd doow wd dra raawi win ngg tthe hee old man h n. H Hee dreew hi h m ass hee’’d be been n tha hatt day, da y ssna narl na rlin rl in ng an nd sp pitttiing ng and and n dec ecay ayyed, ed d, an nd th then hen h hee dr d ew w him him m as he had ad bee bee een n wh when en he en he wa wass youn yo youn u ge ger, r, briiggh htt fa face c d an ce nd lu l ci cid an nd ho hope peefu ul, l and d the hen as as he wooul uld db bee beeffor oree lo l n ngg. Mooth th star st arreed d aatt th he pi pict pict c ur uree fo forr a whil wh hille, e th heen we w nt to ma m ke som o e cooffffeeee. He on nlly haad a fe few cu c pss lef eft, t s pul so ulle led up le u hiss h hoo ood oo d an nd ween ntt ttoo th the he sh s op op. It wass abo op. b ut u to cl clos o e an and att firstt he th hoou ught ght th gh the b on bl onde de ggir irll wa ir w sn n’tt the here ree, bu butt th hen en he he saaw h heer er leeav avin iin ng wi ng with with h a fur-l ur-llin ur i ed d coa coa oatt aan nd a sp s ik ky y--h haair ired d boy. bo y Mot y. o h st star a ed d aass th they e dis ey isap appe pear pe eared arred ed,, th t een n bou o gh ght ht hi his coofffee ee and ween nt ho hom home mee and d draank k maany y ccup up ps, s and d llis isste iste t need too Dioonn n e Warw Waarw W wic ick, k, and d dre r w piicttu urress of tth he bl b on onde d ggir de irl sm ir irl millin ng in difffe fere rent n pla nt lace ces. ce s s.

Moth Mo th h had tthe h n he neeexxt da dayy ooffff. f. Whe hen n th he su sun n ccaame m u up, p, an nd d it wa was re r al al ssun un,, hee p un put ut on ut on su ung ngla glaass sses e and an d hi hiss hoood and lefft th the he fl flat a . He at He passe assse sed d th he hu h ge g wom maan n ffro rom ro m th he fl flat aatt bel e ow o , wh ho w waas as lleean nin ng ag agai a nsst he ai h r op o en doo o r an nd tu tugg g ing gg in ng on n a ccig i ar ig aret ette et te sshe hee hel eld d beetw wee een he h r saaus usag aagge fi fing nger ng e s.

Scre Sc r am re min ingg ch chil i drren and ccar il aarrtooon o explo xp plo losi osi sion onss ec on e ho h ed e froom in insiide de. Moth Motth Mo h didn’ idn’t id n’t sm n’ mile ile at il a the h wooma man n an nd sh shee di d dn’t dn’tt say dn a any ythin th hin ng. The h yw weere ren’ en’ n t ffaami mili l arr.

Moth too Mo o k tr t ai a ns ns tha hatt da day. y T y.

Tra rain ra ain inss fu fulll of coomm mmut mu utter ers an ers and st stud uden ud ents en ts,, me ts men n wiith bri rief efca case ca sess an se nd chil ch i dr il d en wit ith h bl blaz azer az e s an er nd ru ruck cksa ck saack cks, ss,, ski k nn nnyy ggh hos osts tss and ovveerf r ed d ttoa o ds oa ds.. Tr T aiins ns tha h t ra ratt tttle led pa p sstt t mb tu m li l ng n ten nem e en e ts t and n ggle leeamin am min ng bu ussiineesss spi pire res, s, and nd ccas astt sh as had doow ws ovver e rus ru ussty y yar ards ar d bor ds orde orde dere red re d b b by bla laad lade deed fe fenc n es. nc ess. Tr T ai ainss tha hat at hat atee th t ei e r way waay th hroough ugh th ug the he di dirt rt b rt bel e ow el w th hee city ity liike it k woorrms ms. A maan with wi tth hd dre reead read adlo lock lo ck ks go g t on n aatt on ne st stat atio at ion, io n,, aand nd d his d dre reead adlo loock lock ks we were ree aals lsso liike lso ke wor orms m , faat wo ms worm worm ms wrap wr ap ppe ped d in i colloou ure red d fa f br b ic ics. ss.. Mot oth h moosttly ly sat at sti t lll on th t e tr trai aaiins ns,, but bu ut so some ome meti t mes ti mees he h twi wd dd dlleed hiis thum th u bss. He wass too um oo bus usy li l st s enin en ning ing to in t moovve. e He coul cooul u d he h aarr the cry yin ng aggaaiin n,, in mu mult ltip tip iple lee voi oice ccees. s S me So m ssou ound ou nded ed d llik ikee maachin ik ch hin ness. On Onee mi migh ghtt ha gh have vee beeen a ne new br brid id de. e One ne was was as a woollf ccu ub. b.

Ass th hee aft aft f errn nooon o d dwi wiind w dle led, d, the he rai ain n sseet in n, po powe w rf rful u and ul and colld. d Motth de deci cid ci cide deed ttoo wal a k hoomee in i and it d fel eltt sl s ig i h httlyy reeffre resh esh hed ed. It It waass a lon ong wa wallk lk, an and da dark rk k by th he ti time imee he reeacche hed d th thee coorn rner er s op sh op,, an and nd he h wen wen nt in n for breead d aand nd d egggs. s. The he blo lond nde gi nd g rll w was an as n’’t th t erre. e Mot oth we w nt nt hom ome, fed d thee caat an th and ha had d sccra r mb mble led le d eg e gss and d dreew th the ma man n wi with ith h drreead adlo adlo l cks ck ks fi find ndin nd diin ng a li litt t er tt e of wo w lff cu ubs iin n th he su ubw bwayy. Al Almo most mo s as sooon st n as hee p put u h ut his is pen nci cill d dooown wn, wn n, arrgu g in i g st starte artteed too rat ar attl ttlle le th he upst up sttai a rs r flooor orbo or boar bo ards dss, soo Mot o h pu ut Grrieeg on on aand nd d did id dn’ n’tt tu urn n it of off u un nti t l mo m rn rnin ng. g Nob obod ody y comp co mpla mp lain la ined in d.

Moth Mo th h wor orke ked alll day, ke daay, and d wen ent ou ut iin n the eve veni ning ni n . Th ng Thiss tim imee h hee d did id dn’ n t st stop o at the th he co c rn neerr sho hop. p.

Inst In stea st e d he ea h wan ande deere d red d th t e sttre r etts lo look look o in ingg fo f r so some m th me thin ing, in g b g, but utt was as unssure ure of ur o wha hatt iitt was a and d d dn di n’tt find it. itt. C Clloc ocks k aand ks nd pho hon nees an and co and c mp putter e s an and d wa watcche hess cllan ange ged d,, bu uzzze zed, ed, d, click liick c ed d and nd ttiick ked mid i nigh niigh ghtt ass he head head he deed db bac acck toowa w rd ds h hiis fl flat a . Th at Thee caat ne need need eded d feeeedi d ng ng.. H Hee ssaw aaw w th hee llig igghts ight htts in n the h cor orne nerr sh ne shop op p flicker ck ker e off f and and dw was a aabo as b utt to wa bo walk lk k passt wh when hen e he he h ar a d a vooic ice. e Th e. hee bloond de girl’s gi rll’s voi o ccee. Itt was ccom om min ingg frrom m the h bac ack, k, ssai a d ‘L ai Leaavee me al alon one! on nee!!’ an nd sooun nd deed an angr grry. y.

Moth ssto Mo tood to ood o forr a mom men nt. t A yyou ou ung man man n’s voiice c rep pli lied ied ‘‘Fo For fu Fo fuck ck’s ck ’s ssak ak ke Seere ren, n I ju n, usst w nt wa nt too’ ‘Y You o ’rre dr drun unk! un k A k!

And nd I toolld yyoou be befo f ree tha fo hat I wa wantted d yoou u ttoo le leav a em av mee alo lonee! Go Go aawa way, wa y, ple l asse! e!’

‘N No!! I lov ove yo you! u’ u!

M th Mo h tur urne urne ned d an nd waalk lked e aaro ed roun ro un nd th the bu the buil ildi il diingg. He sto t pp ped d aatt th he ed edge g and ge nd lea e need out out ou s igght sl h ly ly.. Se Sere ren wa re was tr tryi yyiing ng to wa walk lk k awa wayy fr from o the om h sp piiky iky-h ky-h ky haiire red d bo b y, y but he gr grab abbe ab bed he be her drrun nke kenl nlly. n y SShe hee pu usshe h d hi him m bu butt hee p pus u h us heed ed he herr ba back ck k, mu m ch har a de der, r, and n sshe h fel he elll to thee floor or..

Thee bo Th boy w waas cr c yi y ngg. Mo M th h wal a ke k d to t ward waard r s hi him. m Ser m. eren een n, ly lyin yin ingg on o the h ggro roun ro und, un d, rrub d, u bi ub bing ng her e arm, ar m, saw saw w him m firrst st.. Th st Then tthe hee boyy did did id.. ‘W ‘Who tthe he ffuc he ucck ar are yo y u? u?’ ?’ he he ssai aid. ai d. He lu d. urche rcche h d to t waard rds Mooth M h, hi his fi fist s flyin st i g. g. Mot oth h ca caug ught ug ht it easi eaasi sily an nd d wou ould lld d hav avee st stop o pe op p d, d but ut forr an un unfa fami fa m liiar mi feel fe elin el in ng in i h his is ssto tooma mach ch h. A rreed feeellin i g. It wa wass in n his hea e d tooo, a tthi hick hi ick, ck k, weet, t hot ot rred ed clo clo l ud d. IItt m dee him sna ma nap p th thee bo b y’ y’s ar arm m ba b ck ck aga g in inst st its st its tsel eellf, f the h boon ne sn snap appi ap ping pi n lik ng lik ikee a to toy, y and y, and as he h sh hov oved ed d the h boy bac a kkw war a ds ds he ke k pt p hol old d of the arm m and d it to tore re in ha re h lff aatt th he el elbo bow. bo w Blo w. lood d fooun ntaaiin ned ned d oout u , in the ut the boyy’s fac fac ace, e,, in Mo M th th’s ’ss faacce,, on Se Sere reen’ n’ss sh hoe oes. s Seren erren waass scr crea eaami m ng. ngg. n Th he b booy co coul u dn ul dn’t ’tt. Mo M th th looke ooke oo ked d fr from om m the he seevver ered ed arm m in h hiis ha hand nd d to the th he bo boy y on on the flooor oorrr,, and an d th hen e ttoo Seere r n, whoosee facce wa w s diist stor o teed wi or with h terro errro ror. T ror.

The he b he boy o w oy was as moa oani ning ni ngg, bl n b ee e diingg ever ev eryw er ywhe yw heere re.

Moth Mo th h dro ropp pped pp ed d tthe hee arm h rm.. He He loo ooke ked ke d att the h b boy oyy. He He loo ooke ked ke d att the arm m. He loo ooke k d aatt Ser ke eren e . He en said sa id ‘I’ I m so sorr r y’ aand rr nd d ran a awa w y in ntoo th hee daarrkn k esss.

When Wh hen tthe hee polic ollic icee qu ques esti es tiion ned Ser e en n lat ater er, sh er he saaid id shee rec e oggniise sed d th he y yooun u g m maan wh hoo’’d a ta at t ck c ed d her er boy oyfr frie frie iend nd d. ‘H ‘Hee ccaamee int ntoo th he sh shop op p qui uite te a loott,’’ sshe hee ssai aiid. d. ‘He H alw lway ways ayys sm s illed e aatt me m .

Hee n nev e eerr sspo ev p ke po ke.. He H seeeme med dn niice ce.’ .’

‘W Wel e l, l,’’ sa s id d thee pol olic icem ic emaan em an ‘T an.

‘Thi h ng hi ngss ar a en e ’tt aalw lw way a s wh what at tthe heey se seem em m.’ And n he be b nt his is h hea ead ea d to t w itte soom wr meeth thin in ng do down wn n.

Heart Cries ‘Patti’

Zach Kennedy

You can see it in the droop py eye y s off bloood odho dh hooun oun unds Named Allic icee - th hat a ste t rn r dis isap ppr p oval al Of old men en usin ng theeir b ng boy oylo love vers ve rs as fu fuel el For the bo bombs they ey y ssen e d too rrai en aiin do dow own wn ove verr tth he English h coountryside un e Leeav avin in ng ga gapi pin ng ear artth ar th-m maw ws dr drille dril leed in inttoo hard into ard, G sp Ga pin ingg, g, booyyle less s exp plo l si sion o s on I th houghtt I he heard d ssoomeon one wh whissp peeriing nam mes e Onee tw twoo th t re ree Four and five an a d six All the way too tteen thousan nd Each name announced louderr More sure, good seeagulls More sure, Jonatha han n Li L vi ving ngston o (Begin by know win ing that you hav ave al alre read ady y ar arri r veed) More sure, e, m mor ore sure Untill it it’s not whi h sp sper erin ingg bu butt Screeam Sc amin ng Screeam Sc min ng le letterrs Scream ming in ng Gl Glor o ia ia Scre reaam amin ing G Gllor oriaa! Mi Midn dnig iigght ht? So w ht? wha hatt? Glo ha lori ria! a!

As tth he rroc he ocke oc k ts ccaame do ke down n aro roun un und nd

38

It wassn’t ni n ce or pr pret ettty ty Butt I li Bu l st sten ened en ed A Iw As was ass sup uppo p se po s d to do

Dear Judas, Please Forgive Me Zach Kennedy

Carried by the wet and Annan Water, left broken and breathless on the black sandy shore: little hands, hirsute fingers – the gentleness of satyr cubs.

‘He (the assassin of the theatre heart) is pure air and fire.’

Little hands grubbing self-reproachfully after silver and rope.

The ocean doesn’t want me and neither does the day.

Chimney Monsters Zach Kennedy

The Royalty arrives and is greeted by Cordell Hull, who is smoking out of a tall chimney near the high angle factory hall and visiting with hopscotch children in St. Pancras, when a man on stolen textbooks sings ‘Greensleeves’ to women in gowns.

The ceilings are yellow, and the rooms are draped in a coloured haze of smoke.

She has a black Scottie reminiscent of the Three Wise Men. We take our cigarettes outside and watch the pasture turn into geese.

It was in the Losing that I found you, when the burning places had fallen to a simmer when Athenry’s legs kept us eye-to-eye.

Joe Allsopp

Slamming: Delirium H

Wearing a monocle watching the torrent fire keeping April showers at bay.

Raindrops painting pictures of panic below shallow skin.

Fractured condensation turning walls the colour of British weather.

Wallpaper drifting apart like sand particles in a desert storm morphing into a dream. A useless yet talented scheme.

An eternal mirage of a charcoal rainbow.

Tunnels of shades twisted and tortured.

Sordid ghost spoons lit in waiting encased within a blue ambience.

Punctured flesh.

Black Halloween lapsing at collapsed veins rippling at halo holes that illuminate corrupted lust.

Splattered memoirs of Lacan a fragmented reflection sublime and juxtaposed.

Blank jigsaws of bricks and mortar a prison of smiles: barking sweetly, chattering tunelessly.

Wept tears re-cleansing the soul lost to melted clocks ticking bye.

Sanity, tissue paper thin.

Praying‌ that you never wake from a catatonic actuality.

The World Turned to Glass David Owen On the first day it was the trees and the grass, the hedgerows along the lanes and gardens, petrified, glazed in ornamental stillness. The trees blanched like marginal spectres and the grass crunched frostily underfoot. The roads were littered with birds that never saw their end, their necks broken and bodies gouged.

The world awoke on the second day to find itself exposed, its houses emaciated by the candour of windows. Bricks and boards and concrete assumed the immaculacy of air. The streets were given over to the worms and the insects, crawling in the sweeping biotopes of soil beneath the glass. The world drew chairs to its housefronts to finally uncover secrets, mysteries, infidelities, but it saw only itself, peering back into cross-sections of its own lives.

On the third morning the soil iced over, and the rocks and the clay, tinder for the sun to set ablaze in a swathe of lambent gold. The world threw an arm across its eyes.

As the third night descended, the world shed the blindfolds and headscarves, veils and sunglasses that had protected it from the glow of clarity. The world saw beneath its feet the core of the Earth, burning like an infernal heart, the panes of crust and mantle offering no reprieve from the abyss. The world succumbed to panic, clambering to its rooftops and into the delicate branches of trees, no perch offering any asylum from the leer of the core.

A rain fell, and the fire of the core illuminated the droplets so that they appeared as diamonds, sown over the glass like manna from the skies. The world abandoned its high places and swarmed into the streets. Hands pawed at the diamonds, splitting them only into still more diamonds.

Now the world looked to the core with covetous eyes, as if it were a lion to be tamed.

It took up axes and spades, hammers and drills, and set upon the glass, splintering the Earth into fissures and edges. The onslaught shattered the portrait of the core into a thousand pieces, and the world pursued it harder, feverish in its failure to grasp it in its hands.

On the dawn of the fourth morning there was little further to delve, and the world poured into its holes like maggots into a glass apple. The Earth could barely stand, a chipped and buckled marble broadcasting the last shards of its life to its neighbours.

One by one the world sought its prize, and one by one the world fell to ashes.

That is what happened when the world turned to glass.

The first time we met we spoke in music.

Miles Davis bridged the gap between Halle and here.

We were in Berlin two winters back, freezing, spending the last pieces of purple paper in my wallet on huge bottles of Beck’s.

Six of us searching for a kebab shop in the Turkish half of Berlin when only you could speak the language.

Half a dozen doners with various levels of authenticity. They got none of us right.

I got caught in the alte gallerie by Rodin’s kiss, trying to find limbs and decipher their sex, they both looked too young and I gave you twenty euros which I suppose you would tell me I’ve drunk by now.

Your English is more than passable today yet we still speak in music. But it’s different.

Lisa Hannigan replaced Miles Davis and Nick Drake has left David Gray on the back seat.

We barely recognise the sixteen year olds that sat playing the blues on New Year’s Eve, but I am still having you measured for a suit.

Michael Duffy

To Norma If you had stayed with me you would have grown too old.

You would have had the middle aged spread, the menopause, your red lipstick would become a garish blot on your face.

If you had stayed with me I would have admired you for simply being Norma. Your lungs would have failed, you would have lost your voice, you might even have lost your liver but I would still have spent every day waiting at your side, with my lips puckered like an oversexed president, hoping for a ride on your now more than ample hips.

If you had stayed with me you might have been ignored.

Nobody would have stared at you, or at Warhol.

Lusting over silk, you would have been humbly clad in wool.

Michael Duffy

To Marilyn If you had married me instead, you would have had a blast.

My plays would all be comedies, I might even try a few jokes on you. You wouldn’t be my despairing divorcée.

Oh Marilyn. I don’t give a damn about the American dream and I never mention the war. It would be amazing, I could lark about with Laurence Olivier (hands off!)

If you had married me we would spend months in Berlin and never set foot in Mexico. We would have coffee under the Brandenburg Gate, and pay all of our bills in euros.

If you had married me I would have made you art that even your mother could love. At Thanksgiving dinner you would call Clarke Gable daddy, and me darling.

Michael Duffy

www.wearepseudonym.com

For further information on Vortex contact: Neil McCaw Faculty of Arts University of Winchester neil.mccaw@winchester.ac.uk

Copyright © Vortex 2010 ISSN 1749-7191

vortex 2010 Edition