The Backpage

By Kevin Dolan

I am so fortunate to be surrounded by strong women. The myriad ways they provide comfort and support is staggering. The amazing number of these influential beings goes far beyond my own close family. It often catches me in awe of the sheer number helping to hold me up and make me better. The gentle soul on this month’s cover is one. If you happened to read “In Her Words” this month, you would begin to understand. The newest addition to the list is my lifeline, confidant, and someone who challenges me at a new level. She is my counselor, my mental therapist, and a true gift. I realized I needed to face the fears of my health and “talk to someone.” I dedicate this backpage to them both.

You see, our cover story, coupled with a single shared truth from the newfound holder of my deepest thoughts, took over the Ouija board and full control of this back page. It also managed to really get my head spinning. The cover story “transcripts” came from a live recording of her personal view on subjects such as “empathy” and “vulnerability.” As if on cue, my counselor framed the word ‘fear’ in a way I have never considered. She stated, “Kevin, the opposite of fear is not courage, it is love and gratitude.” Turns out, she is 100% correct.

I have since not been able to shake this unique way of thinking in regard to difficult subjects. As a result, I have chosen to give my thoughts on the “opposite of” each item contained in the “In Her Words” portion of the cover story. It is imperative to take into consideration that these are the end result of my mental examination of each. So, if you find yourself disagreeing, that is absolutely ok. In the end and beyond, I simply cannot thank this pair of guiding lights, who have no inkling they spurred this on. With trepidation, here goes.

The opposite of empathy is not apathy or indifference. According to Plato, “The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world.” He certainly offers the correct answer to an obvious question. People who are apathetic or indifferent have no interest in living in another’s world. This matter reaches far beyond mere lack of interest or motivation. It goes beyond merely words such as important or unremarkable. Wonder if these souls could even conjure up any form of sympathy. In the world we study, the world that has been, is, and will be, clearly supports the opposite of empathy is neither of those. No, it is the glaring phrase, “I don’t care.” In my heart, this is so sad, so true, and so gut wrenching. Knowing there exist living souls emanating Plato’s claim softens the sadness as the ugly truth remains dolefully disconcerting.

The opposite of vulnerability is not sheltered, secure, or invincibility. The obvious “ability to be vulnerable” negates this trio of imposters. There is no ability to be invincible, no guarantee of shelter or security. We are vulnerable in a wide spectrum of possibilities. The compound word ending in “ability” grants the power to strike a vulnerable pose willing to face what comes next. Brene Brown agrees as she points out, “VULNERABILITY is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.” You see, it’s easier to say, “I don’t care'' than to act like a human getting the hard words out, like “I hurt.” The opposite of vulnerability is bystander. Standing by suggests the possibility to assist, help, listen. A bystander is nothing but that—being present while being there. Brene Brown’s third word is the key to the entire truth and the hardest—change.

The opposite of happiness is not sadness, sorrow, or suffering. The idea of gloom, woe, or grief working as opposites denies happiness its worth. Shakespeare offered this, “I were but a little happy, if I could say how much.” Yes, it can get complicated. Any of the antonyms deny the ability to be in the moment and blind the eyes from any slice of light. Sadness is but a fleeting black cloud; suffering is too personal to allow it be considered. Charles Schultz wrote a book titled Happiness Is, including such gems as...a warm puppy...just being yourself...a day on the couch. These are commitments, hanging in there, certain kinds of commitment. Woe is me and silent sufferers remain cursory. The opposite of happiness is negativity. Now there’s a true commitment if I’ve ever witnessed one. Negativity lacks positive attributes. Happiness exudes hope.

I will leave you with this—the wonderful woman who listens to me before asking questions is empathy, a direct synonym. Our visits alone have sharpened my skills as an empathetic soul. Hard to believe there is a better example of vulnerability than walking through that door for the first time, sitting at the far end of the couch, and actually getting words to come out of your desert-dry mouth. Notably, I’ve discovered there is no greater happiness than discovering how to let go of a longstanding obstacle so readily stepped over for far too long. Well, ok— maybe grandchildren.