An Urban Animist part 1 by Emma-Jayne Saanen

An Urban Animist A selection of blog posts from EJ Saanen's consciousness

“Being an urbanimal is about being an animal person in a practical, real-world way. It’s about getting off your backside to make changes in the real world to benefit the animals you commune with. Practical totemism, rather than magical/spiritual totemism. It’s about admiring pigeons for adopting buildings as cliff faces. It’s about feeling the rhythm of the crowds marching though the city centre during the sales. It’s about seeing a daisy growing in a crack on the kerb, and realising that everything passes, progresses and moves on. And nature exists even in the darkest, piss-stained alleyway. The buildings, statues and street furniture have seen it all, and will share their tales if given the chance. It’s about being a capitalist, gaming, internet addicted geek, who sees a sacredness in everything, even hir PC.” Emma-Jayne Saanen, January 2009

Contents

Introduction

Why I believe what I believe

We are all made of stars

All the small things

Personal vegetarianism: a review

Kulta: in four parts

Of wolves and vegetarians

A practical guide to nature worship

Considering death

Local shamanism

Inspirations

About the author

Introduction “An Urban Animist” began in 2009 as a place where I can share my thoughts, ideas and progress on my path of being an urban animist – someone who sees life in everything from majestic fauna and the land I call home to my computer and the humble plastic bag. The blog is an ongoing and evolving reflection of who I am and where I am going. I have decided to collect a few of my blog posts into this little e-book. Each article represents who I was and how I felt at a particular point on my path as an urban animist. They are my own personal opinions, and should be taken with a pinch of salt. My hope is that something in these pages will stir up some curiosity and adventure in your heart, and that it may lead you to explore your own ideas on what makes the world tick. With an open heart, Emma-Jayne April 2011

You are free to distribute this work in its PDF format as long as I am credited as the author and a link is made back to my main website (http://www.urbanimal.co.uk). You may not alter or transform this work, or use this work for commercial purposes. This work is and shall remain my property. © 2009-2011 Emma-Jayne Saanen 4

Why I believe what I believe “Religion is for those who are scared of going to hell. Spirituality is for those who have been there and back.” If anyone knows the source of that quote, please let me know! Why Animism? I cannot ignore my feeling that everything is imbued with spirit, that everything is alive, aware and responsive to some degree. It would be silly to think that a teacup has the same type of consciousness that I have, but just because it is different, that does not mean that it should be given less consideration. A teacup wants to be good at being a teacup-person. I want to be good at being a human-person. I feel that animism is a natural way to view and interact with the world. Everyone just wants to be themselves, and each of us has to build relationships with the community of persons we find ourselves amongst. I see my community as bigger than just the human-people around me. Why Secularism? A very long time ago, I used to be a theist. I started believing in the Christian God, as that is the default belief in my family. The real belief did not last long, I did not feel his existence in my heart and quite early on I realised that human females cannot reproduce asexually. I came to neopaganism as that is the automatic faith you turn to when you wish to rebel. I felt drawn to the idea of a Goddess and God in balance, united. I became disenchanted with the idea of supernatural entities sitting up on high, judging us all, dishing out rewards and punishments as they see fit. I would like to think that I am a good person, yet I have had to deal with a hell of a lot of difficult and challenging situations that I do not deserve. There are some nasty people out in the world that seem to get opportunities handed to them on a silver platter. I see no reason to believe in karma. I see no reason to believe that there is something or someone outside of myself to keep my actions in check. I see no reason to believe that there is a punishment or a reward waiting for me when I finally die. I had become an atheist. And I was a very happy atheist for a few years. But a few things/events happened to me to make me change my opinion once again. The biggest change was my rejection of therianthropy1. Therianthropy was too restrictive a term to cover my experiences as a shape-shifter. At the time, I had a mild interest in neo-pagan totemism which became a full-blown passion after reading Lupa’s “DIY Totemism”. Totemism provided a context in which to work with the animal energies I believe are in contact with me, allowed me to still be Maned Wolf at heart, and gave me the confidence and space in which to explore spirituality without religion. The second change came through reading Richard Dawkin’s “The God Delusion”. I do agree with a lot of what Dawkin says, and I do understand why he is hostile towards religion. However, I think his book did a disservice to atheists and theists alike. He implies that anyone with religious belief is both dangerous and delusional. His work made atheists look bitter and intolerant. There was no middle ground. 1 Therianthropy is defined as “The state of being a person who is, feels, or believes he/she is in part or whole (nonphysically) one or more non-human animals on an integral, personal level.” From http://project-shift.org/

I do not know anybody who falls into either of these two camps, everybody seems to fit somewhere between the two. Reading “The God Delusion” had made me seriously re-consider whether I wanted to align myself with atheists. The final event was meeting the folks of Tuatha De Bridget, a group of pagans who get together to celebrate the eight festivals of the neo-pagan year in Glasgow. Everyone in that group is different. They all have different ideas of deity, believe in different pantheons and follow different paths. I was amazed at how wonderfully open and tolerant they were of each other, allowing everyone to worship as they see fit. From here I began to think back to my animist roots. Animism is about building relationships. I speak with totems, Otherworld people, and land spirits here in the physical world. Just because I do not have a relationship with some of the deities that fellow members of Tuatha De Bridget work with/for, it does not mean that they are not real. It just means that I do not know them. I don’t know every human person in my neighbourhood, so it is not surprising that I do not know these deities. I am not sure if secularism is the right word for where I am now. I am open to the idea of gods and goddesses as people of a different type to us, but I am not open to the idea of omnipotent overlords. I refer to myself as secular, as I believe that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs as long as they do not infringe on the rights of others. Respect for others should come from shared secular ideals, not from religious dogma. October 2010

We are all made of stars For years I had considered myself an atheist. I did believe in God(s). I do not believe in any figure that created life. I do not believe in any person that sits up on high controlling our lives and condemning us for sinning. Choosing the label atheist had been restrictive and had made it difficult for me to explore my spirituality. I feel that by being an atheist, I had closed myself off from many potential experiences I could have had. I may have missed out on many things. But if I am not an atheist, then what am I? The best way of figuring that out would be by focusing on what I do believe in, rather than what I do not believe in. Sky: I believe in “Sky” as a label for everything outside of our planetary sphere. However the universe was created (as far as I am aware, the Big Bang theory is still the front runner), the transformation of basic elements into more and more complex ones as stars churned through their internal nuclear reactions, how the stuff of stars formed our galaxy, our solar system and our planet. As my form was born of star stuff, “Sky” is the closest I can come to visualising a ‘creator’. Earth: From the stuff of stars “Earth” was born. “Earth” is an intermediary between myself and “Sky”. “Earth” is where star stuff is transformed into things we can understand in an every day sense, on smaller scale than “Sky”. We can relate to people here on “Earth”, be they human or non-human, and build relationships with them.”Sky” kick-started life, but “Earth” is the one who keeps it ticking over, in our small area of the universe. Neither “Sky” nor “Earth” are Gods/Goddesses. They cannot be personified, they just are. They gave us the means to to exist as we are (remember your biology, chemistry and physics from school!). “Sky” and “Earth” are my ways of categorising life, the universe and everything. They do not tell us what to do and how to live. That is our personal responsibility, and the buck cannot be passed on to anyone else. Everything in between: A wonderfully vague label that covers all the people born of “Sky” and “Earth”. Humans, animals, birds, plants, rocks, rivers, mountains, microchips, plastic packaging, totems/animal masters, spirits of land, spirits of weather, spirits of ideas and concepts … literally everything. Everything in the upper, middle and lower worlds. Everything in “heaven”. Everything in “The Land of the Dead”. Everything in the here and now. For me this has to be vague. As an animist, I believe that everything is alive, aware and responsive in some way. “Everything in between” are the people we have to build day-to-day relationships with, and are the most important people in our lives. They are the ones we get along with, have conflicts with, love, hate, and share our short lives with. “Sky” and “Earth” are too vast to build truly personal relationships with, and we need to focus on our attention on those who are closest to us. Personal responsibility: This is the most important thing I believe in. I cannot live a life prescribed by someone else, be they my family, whoever pays my salary or someone else’s God. We each have to find our own understanding of the world, and take responsibility for our own actions. I cannot abide the idea of some outside entity telling me what I should and should not do, rewarding me for being “good” and punishing me for being “evil”. I have my own sense of right and wrong, and my own agenda. And so do you. This is the first time I have tried to express what I believe in, and none of it is fixed, rigid or static. I don’t do dogma. It has been a struggle to try and find a way for my knowledge of the world as it is 7

to tie up with any spiritual ideas I may have, but I think I am getting there. Technically I am an atheist but I think I am going to stop using that label. It has closed me off from the world for too long. For the time being I call myself an animist, and continue not to tie myself down to any religion. September 2010

All the small things I used to be a believer in Grand Gestures. These Grand Gestures were going to save the world. I am an idealist and a dreamer. That, combined with being an insufferable know-it-all, made me very annoying to be around. From a young age, I cared passionately about animal welfare and environmental issues. I cared about these so much that I would make Grand Gestures: I gave up meat and pressured others to do the same, I joined the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament and pressured others to sign my petitions against the local Naval base, I did 24 hour fasts and pressured others into sponsoring me, ad nauseum. The only Grand Gesture I have maintained is my vegetarianism. I began in 1996 and I am still going strong, through I am not a vegetarian now for the reasons I became vegetarian then. All of my other Grand Gestures fell by the wayside. My family mocked me and used to refer to me as a “hippy”, which angered me. My mum pointed out how short-sighted I was, and in retrospect I am very glad she did. Over the past decade, I have come to see that most Grand Gestures do not achieve anything. Grand Gestures are flash-in-the-pan ideas. Sure, people will talk about them for a little while but they soon lose out to the next Grand Gesture. Grand Gestures often push the commitment levels of the instigator to breaking point, and will fall out of favour. Grand Gestures often require other people to make changes in their lives, rather than the individual, rather than I, taking responsibility for our/my own actions. I have often felt like a failure for my Grand Gestures not leading to real change in the world. But the thing about failures is that we, that I, can learn from them. Why do such Grand Gestures fail? They fail because they push us too far and too fast. They fail because we place the onus on others rather than on ourselves. Changes have to be on a sustainable scale, and changes have to start with ourselves. Change should be about setting a quiet example and should not be about bullying others to live their lives in a manor that we see fit. When it comes to making change in the world, we have to let go of the “one size fits all” mentality. I will use my vegetarianism as an example: I am vegetarian because I think modern farming methods are unethical and cause unnecessary suffering in the world, because I believe that humans do not require as much meat in our diets as some people consume, and because farmed animals are directly responsible for environmental pollution due to the scale on which they are raised and killed. But the issue is not black and white. Not all animals are raised intensively, or are farmed at all. They have good lives, and quick deaths. Some people do require the proteins and nutrients from meat, and cannot get them easily from non-animal sources. Intensively farmed animals do pollute, but in carefully managed farming systems animal waste is great for providing nutrients for the soil, which help food crops to grow. So vegetarianism is not the silver bullet that will make the world a better place. Neither are most Grand Gestures. But do not despair! There is an alternative to the Grand Gesture! The alternative is Small Gestures: the little things that we can all do personally to live our lives in a way that matches our individual beliefs and ethics. 9

Back to my vegetarianism: It began as a Grand Gesture, but it has now become a sustainable Small Gesture. It is a personal lifestyle choice and is very easy to maintain. I have now reached the stage where I can extend my vegetarianism outwards – I have now cut out dairy from my diet (though I will admit, this was instigated my my newly-acquired lactose intolerance!). Over the years I have added many Small Gestures to my day-to-day life, and I am willing to bet that you have a few Small Gestures in your life too. They are so small I bet you are not consciously aware of them. My Small Gestures include, in chronological order: switching electrical appliances off at the mains instead of using stand-by mode, buying free-range eggs, recycling paper, card, some plastics & metals, using full-spectrum energy efficient lightbulbs, learning to use the boiler efficiently, reusing plastic carrier bags, composting, living a minimalist lifestyle, reducing my consumption of non-recyclable items, recycling glass, and buying “green”/vegan cleaning products. Saturday was the start of my latest Small Gesture. I drink a huge amount of tea and I am aware of what labour and resources go in to producing my favourite beverage. From now on, I intend to only use organic fairtrade tea bags at home. I may in future consider extending this action to outside of my home. The beauty of Small Gestures are fourfold: • Small Gestures ask us to make changes in our lives, without harassing other people into copying us . • Small Gestures are so small that they are easier to maintain over long periods of time, even a lifetime. • Small Gestures are small enough to be flexible. If our views on how to live a good life change, then we do not feel as conflicted when we change our Gestures. • Small Gestures are forgiving. If we make a mistake, forget, or otherwise fail, we do not have to waste our energy beating ourselves up with guilt. I think we all include such Small Gestures in our lives, and that these Gestures vary as much as the individuals that make them. Small Gestures may not create radical world change. People will still die for the want of safe drinking water, wars will still be fought for oil, and the earth will still be pillaged for her finite resources. But if we all adopt one or two Small Gestures, and lead our lives in ways we believe to be right, all of those Small Gestures will add up and will make a difference. The truth is that my demands – and your demands – for convenience foods, cheap energy, shiny new gadgets and instant gratification are what encourage governments and big business to act in the way they do. Change starts with the individual. Change starts Small. October 2010

Personal vegetarianism: a review I first became a vegetarian when I was twelve years old. I had tried a few times before that, but my mother wasn’t having it. I was never sure why she felt that way, as she too is a vegetarian. My reason for becoming vegetarian was simple – I loved animals and it was wrong to kill them for food. Things are so simple when you are twelve. The world is black and white at that age. During my teenage years I must have been unbearable. My battle-cry was “MEAT IS MURDER”. I can’t remember how many people I harassed for choosing to eat at McDonald’s. And I blush when I consider how much support I gave to PETA. So for those of you who knew me back then, I am sorry. My time at university helped expand my world view. I had access to excellent historical and philosophical texts, I met rabid carnivores, rabid vegans and everyone else in between, and I had a brief opportunity to practise taxidermy. But even after those experiences, I still firmly believed that it was wrong to kill an animal for food. It has been five years since I graduated, and two years since I started walking this path I call urban animism. In that time, I have met some wonderful people who share my animist ideas, but consumed meat. It was so hard for me to tolerate, understand and accept that some animists can and do eat meat. Many interesting discussions and raging arguments later, I could finally see for myself that it is not just food animals who live and suffer. Life is all around, and suffering is always close by. Respect for the lives we take to sustain ourselves is more important than having rigid boundaries between what can and can’t experience suffering. As a society we consume too much meat. We can have meat for every meal if we wanted, and some of us do. That is not how it used to be or how it should be. Before the rise of increasingly intensive farming methods, meat was something to have once or twice a week. Our appetites for more and more flesh have put devastating demands on our fellow persons. We ignore their rights as individual people in order to rule their bodies and environment, which in turn sustains our appetite for meat. It does depress me, and I know that my refusing to participate in the system won’t make much of a difference. Would I ever eat meat again? It depends. I could not eat fish. I find the way they are caught and killed to be brutal. Mammals and birds? Possibly. My vegetarianism is born out of anger towards factory farming. It is cruel, and cannot be justified. I could never eat the flesh of a person treated with such disregard. But if I had the opportunity to raise my own animals, to care for them, to ensure they had a good life and a peaceful death, I may eat meat again. Respect is missing from our food chain. We lack respect for the animals that die for us. Perhaps if we were not so distant from the animals we eat, we could regain this respect towards our food. More recently, I have reviewed my dietary choices again. Months ago I discovered that I was lactose intolerant and have been doing my best to cut out all dairy from my diet. It has been surprisingly easy, as the majority of my diet is vegan. Where I have had to cut out dairy, I have found some fabulous substitutes at little extra cost. As I have skimmed the internet for vegan recipes, I have come across anti-milk websites and I now feel really disgusted at the idea of consuming milk. It’s the same revulsion I had when I first stopped eating meat, though hopefully this time my feelings will be tempered by my recently-acquired maturity. Dairy animals have to be kept pregnant throughout their lives, as they only produce milk for their children. I had always known this, but this time it became an undeniable fact that I could no longer 11

ignore. All this time I have proudly been childfree, I was forcing many other people bear children over and over and over again. Children that the mothers cannot love and nurture. The children are taken away to become milk machines, veal or are just killed outright (what on earth did I think happened to all of the little boys?). I shudder with disgust when I think about it. And what is all this suffering for? Milk. A food product that humans do not need. How many other species drink milk past infancy? How many other species drink the milk of another species? Our milk consumption is unnecessary and downright creepy. Perhaps the coalition should have stopped giving free milk to kids. Get them drinking water and fruit juice instead … something that is good for them. I’ve changed a lot over the past few years, and I am not the person I was fifteen years ago. I’ve reflected a lot on my lifestyle, and I have come to realise that my main goal is to reduce suffering in the world when and where I can. I do not need to eat meat to be healthy, so I do not need to cause suffering to animals farmed for their meat and milk. It would be naive of me to think that my life does not cause suffering; plants slowly die of starvation and dehydration and are mostly still living when I eat them, the eggs and honey I eat do not come out of thin air and I take prescribed medication derived from the results of animal testing. I no longer think it is wrong to kill animals for food, but I do believe it is wrong to abuse the animal that feeds you. I realise that most people just want to live a good life, whatever their view of “good” is. So do what you can to be good, and begin by looking at what you allow into your body. I would like to ask you all to take the time to consider where your food comes from, how it was nurtured, how it was harvested/killed, and how it was prepared for consumption. It is something you need? Will it sustain you? August 2010

Kulta: in four parts Part one: My Latest Long Term Guest, and Counterpractice “The hard truth is that if you can’t work with the dead body of your animal spirit ally, then you have not yet accepted the organic reality of the world at a deep enough level to relate to the spirit of the animal in a shamanic way.” Ecoshamanism by James Endredy p 277 Ecoshamanism is one of my least favourite books on the subject of neo-shamanism, but it does contain some wonderful jewels if you can sift through the “modern life is evil” narrative that is woven though it, though to be fair that vibe is found throughout the neo-pagan community. One delightful idea that Endredy presents is the act of Counterpractice – turning your usual patterns of thought and behaviour on their head in order to gain (shamanic) insight. This idea has crossed paths with me at an interesting point in my life. For as long as I can remember, I have been an advocate of animal rights and welfare. When I was younger and more immature, I was obnoxious and argumentative – I could make a PETA representative look reasonable! Thankfully I matured, started learning about animal welfare issues on my own rather than repeating propaganda, and met some fantastic spiritual colleagues. Over the years, I have challenged myself and beliefs my learning a bit of taxidermy and collecting pieces of dead animals to add to my shrine. The world isn’t black and white, and if I hadn’t of realised that I would have missed out on some interesting experiences with animal spirits. But I still feel like I have to challenge myself and my world view, and an opportunity to do this came up. And so, I am now the “owner” of a legally acquired wolf pelt. Over the next few days and weeks, I will be writing about him and my experiences with him. This is an … interesting time for me. I am waiting to be hassled by friends and strangers for my choice to work with an animal spirit in this way, just as I had done to others before. June 2010 Part two: The “whys” of my guest Since Friday, I have been slowly working on the wolf’s pelt – his ears were crushed in and all of his paws were inside out. Once this preliminary cosmetic work is complete, I hope to spend some time getting to know him. But for this post, I’d thought I’d share some of the “whys”. Why have I chosen to try and work with a wolf pelt? In January of this year, I had some wonderful, powerful and horrifying experiences with Grey Wolf, the totem. Here is the one most influential experience I had. (please note, that it may seem disjointed because I do not feel comfortable sharing the context of my spiritual work in a public blog). I was drawn to my tent on Red’s beach. Stepping out of the darkness, I decided to stride out into the woods to visit the energy civets. Red blocked my way and told me to go to the Island across the sea (the island where *person who was harassing me* was). She gestured towards a small rowing 13

boat. I reluctantly got in and rowed out to sea. I remember the strain in my arms, and the hot sun crushing me from above. It got dark. I was on the Island. There was a straw effigy of *person who was harassing me*, I walked around him, then he burst into flame. There was the sound of paws and hooves around me, bodies where moving, dancing, around and around and I joined in – a humanimal dancing in the joy of creation. More blackness, and I started chanting “Wolf” again. This time, I was in my wolf body. There where other wolves around. I was burning with rage, and was in a violent battle with Wolf to earn her hide. I took some terrible blows to my shoulders and throat. From here I was knocked to the floor, back into my human form and consumed by the pack. Their eyes were mine. With a thousand eyes, and the blinding stamina of the pack we chased and killed a beast. The warm blood was satisfying. I came back to myself, back in the circle of wolves, back in the fight with Wolf. Suddenly, the anger that was forced on me was gone. I wasn’t really angry. I had nothing to be angry for. I would earn Wolf’s hide, but not in Wolf’s style. I’m a Maned Wolf. I’m too quick to anger, but now I can see how futile that misdirected fury is. Maned Wolf is my primary teacher for a reason. Wolf charged me again, going for my throat. I held up my left arm, which she bit, and ever so calmly I pulled out my bone knife with my right and stabbed her in the throat. Ever. So. Calmly. I kept cutting. Every. So. Calmly. Throat to tail. She dropped to the ground, and I cut from the back of her paws to the central cut and pulled her skin away. Ever. So. Calmly. I pulled the hide over me, with the fat, tissue and blood dripping over my body. And I smiled. Ever. So. Calmly. That Wolf hide felt so damned good. It was a perfect fit. And I was tempted to keep it. I had earned it. However, I knew that a wolf hide would come to me, at some point, in the real world. This was not mine. Wolf stood up, bones and muscles exposed. Still as deadly as before. Her hide may have defined her exterior, but inside, deep down, there are fewer and fewer differences between her and me. I (admittedly reluctantly) pulled her hide from my body and returned it to her. Once in place I took my bone needle and twine, and very crudely stitched the hide in place. Aferwards, I knelt before Wolf and asked her to become a student, and to earn a hide of my own. I’m not Wolf, but Kalak, but I would be honoured to learn from my cousins. She accepted, and I smiled. Red came from behind, hugged me and told me it is time to go home. This was a very personal experience for me, so I do not expect anybody to take my UPG as gospel. But I hope this gives you an idea of why I wanted to learn from Wolf the totem and an individual wolf, in the form of a hide. And why this particular wolf pelt? This wolf died in a road traffic accident. For those of you who don’t know me well, earlier this year Dougal was involved in an RTA – and 14

thanks to the kindness of a stranger, he survived. It was a frightening experience for all of us, but watching Dougal leap and pounce now … it is so hard to believe that he was moments from death. This wolf didn’t have the support Dougal had, and did not survive the accident. That touches a nerve deep within me. Maybe his family have no idea where he disappeared to. I wonder what would of happened to Dougal if a stranger didn’t stop to help. Would I have ever found him? Would I have ever known what his fate was? I want this wolf to have a happy home. His spirits may have moved on, but there is residual energy there and that deserves a respectful life. Not to be a trophy, or a tacky fur coat. Not to be harassed by misguided animal rights activists. I would like to clarify that this wolf was legally taken, and has his CITIES number. He came to me from Zhon, a very talented taxidermist and I was advised and guided by the marvellous folk in the Fur, Hide & Bone community on LiveJournal. June 2010 Part three: Lughnasadh 2010 Yesterday, Tuatha De Bridget hosted a Lughnasadh celebration at Pollok Park. I had thought long and hard about inviting the wolf pelt to come along. After much personal and public soul-searching we both decided that yes, he should come out for the day and stretch his limbs. Since he came to me, I have always picked up sad vibes from him. But it seems that yesterday’s event made him happy, and two other participants confirmed that for me. I am slowly realising that most of the sadness I feel is from me, because I feel guilty for buying the pelt in the first place. But I will make up for that by doing my best to give him a comfortable life. Of course, it was not just me doing things for the wolf! Throughout the ceremony the wolf pelt and Wolf the totem were telling me not to be so afraid of fitting in, that it is all right to be accepted. With that in mind, I decided to join the group in the coffee shop afterwards. For most people, that would not be a big deal. For me, it is a milestone of epic proportions. I am happy to feel welcomed, and happy that the wolves finally gave me the push I needed. I think I will be making a chord in the colours chosen by the group now. I think it is time the wolf pelt had a name. Calling him “the wolf pelt” seems to make him more of an object and less of a person. Referring to him as “wolf” is inaccurate because he is the skin spirit of a wolf, not a wolf. I also refer to the totem of Wolf as “Wolf”. This is something the two of us will need to think about. August 2010 Part Four: Kulta Since Lughnasadh, I had been trying to come up with a name for the wolf pelt. Referring to him as “the wolf pelt” objectifies him, and I find that unsettling. He’s not an object or a tool, he’s a soul fragment of the wolf he used to be a part of, and unwillingly bound to this world by the act of preserving the pelt. That is where my angst about “owning” the pelt came from.

I think he has accepted the situation he is in now. This is thanks in part to the people of Tuatha De Bridget. They accept him, and allow him a place to walk around again. Finding a name for him has been difficult. I had to explain the reasoning behind names to him, and tell him why I would like him to have a name. Working together, the wolf pelt showed me flashes of things that were special to him. “Gold” was important, as that is his colouring. “Wind/breeze” was important, as he helped me feel what it was like to feel the wind through his fur when he used to run. Finally, the “night” was important to him, as whenever he shows me “flashes” they are usually at night. Together, we looked through some on-line baby name dictionaries but found nothing that clicked with him. We then used the Google translation tool to find words from other languages that could make a good name. Sooner that I expected, I found a word that the wolf pelt wanted to have as a name. Kulta, which is Finnish for “gold”. I think it is a beautiful and powerful name, with a wonderfully feral sound to it. Welcome to my family, Kulta. October 2010

Of wolves and vegetarians When I first decided to work with the totem of Grey Wolf back in January 2010, there was one book that was recommended to me by all of Wolf’s committed students (be they therianthropes, totemists or biologists). That book was “Of Wolves and Men” by Barry Lopez. Almost a year later, and I purchased a copy of the book for myself. I am still in my first reading of it, but the fourth chapter “Amaguk and Sacred Meat” sparked some trains of thought related to my current reconsideration of my vegetarian diet. Lopez introduces the idea of an Owner of the Animals, known to the Naskapi people as the Animal Master, but is a common idea in several animist hunter-gather cultures. “The Animal Master is a single animal in a great mythic herd. He is both timeless and indestructible, an archetype of the species. It is he who “gives” the hunter the animal to be killed and who has the power to keep the animals away from the hunter if he is unworthy.” In my limited understanding of the world, the Animal Master is akin to the totem of the animal in neo-pagan circles. The neo-totemist approaches this Animal Master for guidance, tuition and assistance. The Naskapi approach the Animal Master to petition him/her to release a few of his herd for them to eat, in exchange for respect towards the animal’s body and spirit. In this way, there is an understanding about the nature of the cycles of life and death, and of the requirement to kill only what is needed and no more. The meat taken through this agreement with the Animal Master, the food became sacred. In addition, consuming the flesh of a herbivore allowed the people to indirectly take on the plant’s power. Both of these make the meat “medicinal” to and for the Naskapi. Lopez discusses the interaction between wolves and their prey as “the conversation of death”, an idea that captures my imagination and I feel can be linked to the purpose of the link between humans and the Animal Master. In my understanding, the conversation of death is a mixture of visible and invisible language between predator and prey. There is a stand-off, where each creature establishes their position and a decision is made between the predator and prey that a death should take place. I am not sure if I can get my head around this idea, though it does intrigue me. “In the conversation of death is the striving for a death that is appropriate. I have lived a full life, says the prey. I am ready to die. I am willing to die because clearly I will be dying so that others in this small herd will go on living. I am ready to die because my leg is broken or my lungs are impacted and my time is finished.” There is something I find beautiful about this conversation. While I doubt we will ever understand the motives of animals, the idea that death is nothing to be feared, and that taking a life is part of the cycle that allows life to carry on resonates with me. One of the reasons I initially became a vegetarian was because I believed it was morally wrong to take a life no matter what the circumstance. I do not feel this way any more. Life and death go hand in hand, it is just a case of seeking out the appropriateness of taking a life. I have found some things discussed in this chapter of “Of Wolves and Men” that I do not agree with. “Cattle had no Animal Master. It was not sacred to hunt them, and on that food you could perish.” The animist hunter-gather cultures that Lopez makes reference to do not believe that domestic 17

animals have an Animal Master, and by extension their meat is not sacred or medicinal. This belief makes me uncomfortable, as it helps weaken what power domestic animals have. In neo-pagan totemism, the idea of the Animal Master, the energy of the living animals, and the knowledge (both scientific and mythological) come together to create the totem spirit. This totem spirit exists for all creatures, and it is a source of power / medicine for those dedicated and respectful enough to seek it out. I have had a lot of personal experiences with the totems of domestic goats, sheep, pigs and cattle, and I know how powerful they can be when treated with respect. They make incredible allies if given the chance. If the collective belief is that domesticated livestock lack power, then that will feed into the energy of the totem and is could become a selffulfilling prophesy. As I see links between the positive aspects for the Animal Master and the conversation of death, I can also draw parallels with my disagreements. “Imagine a cow in the place of a moose or white-tailed deer. The conversation of death falters noticeably with domestic stock. They have had the conversation of death bred out of them; they do not know how to encounter wolves.” While there is truth in the idea that domestic livestock have been intentionally bred to make them more compliant with the things we do to them in order to produce meat, to say that the cannot engage in the conversation of death feels wrong to me. I had spent some time in 2009 trying to connect with the totem of Domestic Sheep. Did I come across a friendly, docile animal? Not at all. Out on my hikes around the local farmland, I came across many flocks and they were positively fierce. They looked upon me as a threat, and stood their ground. I was an intruder, and had to leave before I risked physical injury. Domestic livestock are not ignorant of the conversation of death, they just rarely have a chance to participate in the conversation. We, I am referring to the culture of the United Kingdom, do not engage with our food animals in the same way hunter-gatherers do. We are not plugged in to the natural cycle of life and death. Our meat comes to us in a clinical, pre-packaged form. Little blood. Reared and killed by people we do not know, by methods we avoid thinking about. No wonder cultures different from our own point to our animals and say there is no power to be gained from consuming their meat. We do not give our domestic livestock the chance to develop their power to the full. It is not the domestic livestock who are ignorant of the conversation of death, it is us. “The death is mutually agreeable. The meat it produces has power, as though consecrated.” These are my thoughts, as inspired by the content of “Of Wolves and Men” and my own ideas on ethical food production. I cannot eat meat until I can willingly engage with the Animal Master and ask for his/her aid. I cannot eat meat until I can learn the language of the conversation of death. And I cannot eat meat until I have earned the right to eat it. December 2010

A practical guide to nature worship I am not a (neo-)pagan, though I do spend time amongst their communities. They are very welcoming of secular animists like myself. What I love about the (neo-)pagan community is their fearless and passionate love of the natural world. They embrace the world they live in. I find that deeply inspiring. But as with every group, you find people who “talk the talk” but fail to “walk the walk”. It is nice to walk barefoot in the woods, and feel the presence of Sky, Earth and everyone in between. It is nice to invite nature into the home by creating a shrine or working altar. And it is nice to work magic to “heal the world” with “white light” or “the power of the Goddess”. It is wonderful to do these things, and to bring more magic into the world, but how does any of this really show that you are devoted to the world you were born from? Practical action is needed. Fear not! Put down your wands and crystals, and see if any of the following suggestions can fit into your lifestyle. • The most valuable thing you can do is to not squander the finite resources Earth has. The magic words are reduce, reuse and recycle. I have blogged about this in more detail elsewhere. • Embrace the old tradition of tithing by contributing part of your income to an organisation that supports the natural world. If you are curious, I support Butterfly Conservation, WSPA, Dogs Trust and the WWF monthly. I also have an annual membership to Scottish Badgers. Finally, I donate 10% of the cost of my art to a charity that catches my attention. • I heartily recommend volunteering to anyone. Do you care passionately about trees? Then why not see if there are tree planting or tree warden posts near you. Is the welfare of animals your priority? Then give up a few hours to help at your local animal shelter. Do you wish to connect with your local land and hir inhabitants? Sign up with your local park ranger service. For any cause you care about, there are volunteering opportunities abound! • Is there something happening in the world that angers you? Are you concerned about hidden palm oil in your food? Are local habitats under threat from development? Then get active! Write letters and e-mails to companies, local authorities, your newspaper – anyone who will listen. Always be aware of what is happening in the news. If you are feeling more adventurous, set up protests. Go on. You may feel like a lone “nutter”, but it just takes one nut to crack the world. • Be the change you want to see in the world. This one seem easy, but it is the most challenging of them all. It can be difficult to stand up and stand out. For me, I hate it when people drop litter. When I see it, I pick up the discarded waste, chase the perpetrator down the street and say “Excuse me, I think you dropped this!” as I hand their litter back to them. Suffice to say, I am not a popular person. I am not saying that *you* should give up on magic, but I am saying that practical, real world tasks can make the changes happen faster and inspire others to do the same. Work your magic into your practical work – say a spell over any protest letter you send, on your altar set up a representation of the activity you are doing to benefit nature. Magic is about creating change in the world, but that change has to start with yourself. Talk is cheap, so step up and make real change happen. September 2010 19

Considering death Death is something I perhaps don’t take seriously enough. Or perhaps I take it too seriously. Life is death. Even in my smug/self-satisfied position as a dairy-free vegetarian, I am responsible for the death of many, many plants, chickens and bees. And then I consider that plants are picked, packaged, sold, cooked and eaten while they are still alive. Still waiting for someone to provide them with sunlight, water and nutrients as we consume them. Someone like me could easy be swallowed up by the amount of suffering I cause. But as an animist and a living being, I have to accept that death happens. It is what drives ecosystems. And that is okay. James Endredy (2007) says: “That we have a place at the banquet now simply means that we will be a part of the feast later.” Everything cycles. For me, I try to reduce suffering when I can, but it cannot be eradicated. Nor should it, as the wheel must turn. *** In my day-to-day job, I face death constantly. And I consider myself lucky, because in facing death you really appreciate life. One thing I have learned through my job is how unprepared my community is for death. In our society we live forever, there’s a cream, a medication or a lifestyle that will keep the reaper at bay for just a little while longer. Death isn’t a part of our lives, it is the enemy we run away from. I find that quite sad. As we are so unused to death, it has become this taboo that we dare not talk about. When someone is dying, we do everything we can to avoid discussing the inevitable, and put our faith into medicine that it will make everything better, at least for a year or so more. And when death comes, we are unprepared. We don’t understand that it is normal to feel angry, upset, lost and confused when someone dies. Of course we are going to feel that way! We have lost someone we love! We don’t need a “quick fix”. We need to sit with the pain, acknowledge it and accept it. Losing someone is going to hurt, and no pills or medical miracles will make it go away. We, as a community, need to stop hiding from death. We need to face up to the fact that we are dying, that the people we care for are dying, and that the only consistent thing in our lives is change. *** The idea of dying and being dead scares me. But every day I wake up and remind myself that I am dying. Maybe I’ll reach a stage where being dead doesn’t terrify me so much. I often think that if I believed in an afterlife, or some sort of conventional reincarnation, then death wouldn’t scare me. But it seems people of faith are scared too. I wonder what they have to be afraid of? July 2010

Local shamanism A rambling based on prompts from Feralkiss, a dear animist colleague of mine. I consider myself to be a fledgling shamanist. I have had to think long and hard about labelling myself as such for two reasons. Firstly, there are no shamans in my culture. I am a working class biological female from an area of Scotland dominated by Christians and agnostics. There is no spiritual knowledge passed down from one generation to the next, and the traditional role of the shaman is filled by celebrants of different faiths, doctors, teachers, vets, and crafters. Secondly, my cosmology is influenced by animist ideas birthed in lands very far from my home. The main influence is Tengerism, an animist faith originating from Mongolia and Siberia. I only have access to 101 information on this path, as presented by “The Circle of Tengerism” website and Sarangerel’s book “Riding Windhorses”. This leads to a problem that pains me. The fear of cultural appropriation. I am not a Tengerist, and I have no wish to be one. But I cannot help but feel drawn to the cosmology of Tengerism. The mapping of the souls, the landscapes of the Otherworlds, the power of Windhorse, it all makes sense to me. I have tried connecting to more “appropriate” cosmologies based on where I am in space and time, but they were not right for me. I do not want to bastardise the religion of a people who have been tormented and abused by Buddhists and Communists alike. I hope I am not bastardising it. I am making use of information and techniques made available to outsiders, and working them into my personal experiences. I do not practise Tengerism. I see myself as taking the ideas of Tengerism, combined with some ideas from Wicca (as taught by Magicka School, through their “Wicca Revealed” course), from Druidry (as taught by The Ancient Order of Druids in America, through “The Druidry Handbook”), from neo-totemism (as inspired by Lupa of The Green Wolf, and Ravenari of Wildspeak) and from exchanges of ideas with fellow shamanists and animists. Most importantly, I am inspired by my own personal experiences. I work with death and its aftermath in my day-to-day job. My pathworking brings me in contact with people of all types, mostly totems but the occasional deity, wright and genus loci. My art work further strengthens that contact. I passionately study environmental topics and biology. I walk my land, both in my free time and as a volunteer with my local park ranger service. Everything that I have learned from animist or Neo-Pagan faiths pales into the background when it comes to real, tangible experiences with human emotions, with the animals in my life, and with the land. Tengerism and other beliefs provide a map what can help me navigate my experiences in philosophical and spiritual ways. But they do not create my experiences. A few Neo-Pagans frown upon the fact that I am a spirit-taught and experience-led shamanist. That my (albeit limited) knowledge comes from a non-human source and is my own UPG. I find that a little disheartening. I cannot and would not mimic a culture in a misguided attempt to appear superficially authentic, but the doorways into shamanist experiences are there for anyone to seek 21

out under the guidance of spirits. I would rather carve my own path and heal my souls, than ape a culture I am not a part of. I live in the lands formerly known as the Kingdom of Strathclyde, specifically the town called “The Fort of the Britons”. Beyond that, I know nothing of the indigenous people of my land, though I am trying to rectify this. Some Neo-Pagans frown upon me for not being interested in my ancestry, or for not trying to practice a form of religion based on what people from Strathclyde practiced in the past. For me, the spirituality of my ancestors is just as alien as the spirituality of contemporary animists in Mongolia and Siberia. What little I have read on “Celtic” mythology has not inspired me, so I have not felt the need to explore it further. I am very much a creature of the here and now. My ancestors are random strangers. Most of my living relatives are random strangers. I do not believe in reincarnation or past lives in a conventional sense. My grandad was a Baptist, but I would not become a Baptist just because he was. Extend this further into the past. I would not practice a religion that was practiced by one of my many ancestors just because they did. That can lead to cultural appropriation, and we have to be just as wary of bastardising the faiths of the past as we do of existing contemporary paths. A spiritual path should be followed because it sings to your heart and soothes your souls. Find inspiration where ever you look, but do not follow a path out of an obligation to other people, whether you know them or not! I suppose we each have our own idea of what “local” is. To me local is a combination of here and now, in space and time. For others, local is a geographical area, or local is genetic links, or a combination of both. Using techniques inspired by the works of Sarangerel, Ravenari and Lupa, modified with my own ideas, combined with knowledge gained from environmental studies and working out in the world around me, I have become aware of the presence of local deities/entities. The most prominent of these deities is the Spirit of the Brucehill Cliffs. He is a very important person to me, as my home is carried on his mighty shoulders and he is the guardian of a special piece of land which has been set aside for butterflies and wildflowers. The Cliff Spirit is the local genus loci, and I serve him and his community by surveying the site for butterflies, by monitoring and reporting fly-tipping, and by raising awareness of his special place by devoting a blog to him and the people who live with him. The wildlife that walks the land with me has a special place in my heart. The more I learn about the people who live with the Brucehill Cliffs, the more I realise how little I know about them, and how little I will ever know about them. And that is okay. I am but one person, with a finite amount of time here on Earth, and if I do not even know my human neighbours, the chances of me knowing all of my non-human neighbours is non-existent. But I shall try to meet as many people as I can. I would like to return to my choice to use the word “shamanist” in describing myself. I am not a shaman. That role does not have a place in my community, and even if it did it would be ignorant and arrogant to think I should be filling that position. 22

I call myself a shamanist, because I experiment with and use techniques used by some shamans and shamaniststo explore the Otherworlds, my inner worlds, and the physical world around me. Compared to experienced shamanists, my knowledge is a drop in the ocean. I have used these techniques to understand myself, and to heal myself. I have also done some very, very light psychopomping. I have yet to do work for a human client, but I have worked for animals in need. As I do not have an animist community for support, I am taught directly by people in the Otherworlds. My primary teacher is Red. She came for me one day, and guides me through her realm, introduces me to other people who otherwise would not give me the time of day, and does keep an eye on me. This is very important. New-age and core shamanists seem to think that venturing into the Otherworlds is safe, when quite clearly they are very dangerous for humans to be. A shamanist is only as powerful as his or her allies. I have a fantastic support network, but it costs me. I have to trade and barter my way through the Otherworlds. I made a choice to walk this path, and it has cost me my physical and mental health. I am a local, spirit-taught shamanist. I serve the community of the Brucehill Cliffs, and the community of animal spirits that use my home as a rest stop. My locality is the here and now, and the map of my cosmology is rooted in science and in contemporary animist cultures from places alien to me. February 2011

Inspirations Friends and colleagues Ravenari:

http://www.wildspeak.com

Lupa:

http://thegreenwolf.com http://therioshamanism.com

Fox:

http://tinyouroboros.wordpress.com/

Websites The Circle of Tengerism:

http://www.tengerism.org/

Soul Intent Arts:

http://soulintentarts.com/

Books DIY Totemism – Lupa Dying, Death and Grief – Brenda Mallon Ecoshamanism – James Endredy Fang and Fur, Blood and Bone: A primal guide to animal magic – Lupa Flying with Shamans – Nana Nauwald Of Wolves and Men – Barry Lopez Riding Windhorses - Sarangerel Skin Spirits - Lupa

About the author I am Emma-Jayne Saanen, a twenty-something daydreamer and urban animal based around the fair city of Glasgow, UK. I am a freelance artist, a volunteer with my local park ranger service and I have a rewarding career in the charity sector. I am a Maned Wolf in human clothing; an independent, expressive creature who carves her own path and tries to see the world as it really is. At times I reflect my allies the Herring Gull and the Domestic Goat. If you feel repelled by these maligned and misunderstood animals, then we probably won’t get on! I am an animist, with interests in Mongolian and contemporary shamanry, neo-totemism and neodruidry. I call what I do “pathworking” – I enter what I believe to be a journeying state and work with any spirits, entities and writs who will tolerate me. The bulk of my work is with animal totems, but I do have relationships with people in the Otherworlds. I also work with dying, death and bereavement. I believe I am being taught directly from the beings I encounter, so my experiences are all my own UPG, and I have a good network of animist colleagues who help keep me grounded. I am a firm believer in practical work. I monitor a local site known as The Brucehill Cliffs, and through that I have a passion for lepidoptery. I am studying for my second undergraduate degree, a BA/BSc(Hons) in Environmental Science. Back in 2005 I gained my first degree, a BA(Hons) in Environmental Art. Many spiritual people talk the talk, but when it comes to making practical changes in the world, they fail to walk the walk. I am a real person, with a life beyond my animist beliefs. I avoid animal flesh and dairy products, but I do have a passion for dead things. I spend my free time sleeping, gaming and drinking tea. I have depression and fibromyalgia, and if I am lucky they both don’t affect me on the same day. I hope this little introduction gives you an idea of who I am, where I am coming from and where I might be going.

•

Website: http://www.urbanimal.co.uk

•

Urban Animist blog: http://urbanimist.wordpress.com/

•

Urban Animist FB page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/An-Urban-Animist/

•

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/urbanimal