The Unknown

words Sarah Phillips-Burger image Ronnie Chua/Shutterstock

“Good morning, Cayden,” Andrew cooed at his little boy

Gas he stroked his dark hair. “Time to wake up, it’s your first day of school.” The little body, balled up and snug beneath a comforter embroidered with blue and green dinosaurs, began to straighten. His arms poked out, stretching above him before his fists sought out his heavy eyes, turning in clockwise and counterclockwise motions. His mouth opened in a yawn, revealing his tiny baby teeth before closing in a smile as his big brown eyes landed on his father.

“It’s a big day, my little man. What would you like for breakfast?”

Cayden rubbed the side of his face, then pushed his long hair out of his eyes. “Cheerios!” “Great choice. Now, let’s get you dressed and then we can go eat, okay?”

Cayden followed his father into the bathroom where they washed the sleep out of his eyes, brushed his teeth and combed the tangles from his hair. After, they returned to his bedroom and found the outfit he would wear, picked out by his mother, on a white chair in the corner of his room. Little hands gripped Andrew’s tan forearms while one foot, then two stepped into khaki shorts. Cayden lifted his arms up, welcoming the soft feel of the red Polo shirt.

When his head popped through the neck hole, the little boy giggled, “Boo!” His father feigned surprise and laughed before he fastened one of the white buttons and smoothed down the boy’s dark hair once more.

Cayden sat on the floor, wiggling his toes as if trying to give them one last bit of freedom before socks were slipped on. “I can do it!” he announced as he grabbed his red Converse slip-ons and shoved his foot in, his tiny fingers guiding the back of the shoe up his heel. He did the same with the other foot and then stood up with a bounce and a grin that said, “See?”

“Good job, buddy.” Andrew said as he followed his little boy running into the kitchen.

“Mommy!” Cayden yelled as he flung his arms around his mother’s legs, smushing his face into her light blue scrubs. Lauren bent down on one knee, peeling him from her leg and looked at her son. “Well, don’t you look smart,” she smiled. “Are you excited for your first day?”

“Yesssssss” Cayden said, jumping up and down.

“Before you eat, I’m going to take your picture so that we can always remember this day, okay?”

She led him to the front door where she picked up a small chalkboard that read, “First day at Pre-K! 2020.” Cayden stood on their front steps, holding the sign under his chin and grinning from ear to ear while his mother took pictures with her phone. “You are so handsome!” Lauren said as she led him back inside.

At the bar, Andrew sipped his coffee and watched the pair say goodbye. His wife bent down one last time and brushed the hair from Cayden’s eyes. “Mommy’s got to go to work now. Have a great day, okay baby? And, don’t forget, Aunt Makayla will pick you up this afternoon.”

“And, I can play with the puppies?”

“Yes, you can play with her puppies.” She hugged him tight, and his hands gripped tightly around her neck as she leaned over. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Mommy.”

Andrew saw a tear fall down her face as she waved to him going out the door. Cayden climbed up the bar stool and began to devour his Cheerios while he played with one of the dinosaurs that were always scattered around the house, this one a Triceratops.

As he finished his coffee, Andrew knew with absolute certainty that Lauren was bawling her eyes out right then. Even when they went to pick out his backpack and school supplies she had cried. “It’s all going by too fast,” she said in the aisle at Walmart, her hands gripping the cart. “He is still so little.”

She could have come with them this morning to drop him off at school, but she was afraid that she would cry the whole time. “I don’t want to upset him. I want it to be a happy day,” she had insisted.

“I’m gonna go potty,” Cayden said as he climbed down the stool, shaking Andrew back into the moment.

As he cleared away the dishes, his eyes caught the television, which was on mute. The morning news was on, and he read the headlines scrolling across the bottom of the screen, none of them good. There were so many things to face now, so many challenges ahead for everyone, so many things to fear, and so many unknowns. The thought of handing this world over to his little boy one day made his heart ache.

Andrew found Cayden playing on the floor of his room.

“Aaaarrggghhh” said the T-Rex as it took a make-believe bite out of a Velociraptor.

“Time to go, little man. Grab your backpack for me.”

After buckling Cayden into his car seat, he climbed behind the wheel and began the short drive to the elementary school. Over the radio, “Happy” played quietly. Andrew glanced in the rear-view mirror to see his son’s head dancing along, so he turned it up. He then joined in, singing loudly, “Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth,” to Cayden’s delight. He squealed, clapping his hands. Andrew decided to take the long way to the school so he could savor this moment a little longer.

Soon enough, the song ended and when he looked in the mirror again, his son was calm, almost contemplative. Cayden watched as the trees and cars zipped by his window. The sun funneled its way through the clouds and onto his face, causing his lashes to sparkle like glitter. Cayden smiled to himself before meeting his father’s gaze in the mirror just as they pulled into the parking lot of the school.

Andrew got out and smoothed the wrinkles from his pants. His eye caught the side door of the school that was reserved for the Pre-K students, and he took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was to come. He opened the back door of the car and was met with an eager smile.

“You’re going to have a great day,” he said as he unbuckled the car seat. Cayden leapt from the seat and had started to climb down out of the vehicle until Andrew stopped him.

“Don’t forget your backpack.”

He held it up and Cayden pushed his arms through the straps.

“And your mask,” Andrew said, pulling a child-sized, light blue mask from his pocket.

He looped it over his son’s tiny ears and pulled it down under his chin to ensure a good fit, just how his wife had instructed. Then he pulled his own mask from his other pocket and put it on, too. “I think we’re ready,” he said as he helped Cayden out of the car.

“Welcome! Welcome!” waved a woman in a blue denim dress standing at the door. “Who do we have here?”

“This is Cayden. He’s in Mrs. Lewis’s class.”

The woman bent down, at eye level with the boy, her blonde hair falling over her shoulders. “We are so happy to have you here today, Cayden!” she said through her mask. Andrew could see the smile in her eyes.

“He will be in the second classroom on the right. Have a great first day!” she said as she waved them off.

The room they entered was filled with every color of the rainbow. Children were already playing with toys from the various bins or coloring at the square table. One little girl sat on a large rug turning the pages in a book. Mrs. Lewis came right over.

“This is Cayden,” Andrew proudly announced.

“It is so nice to meet you. Would you like to join the other kids? You can pick out any activity you would like to do this morning while we get settled.”

Cayden ran and sat with two other little boys wearing masks and played with the large blocks while Andrew watched. The bell rang and once again Cayden’s big brown eyes looked up at his father who waved to signal he was leaving and received a wave goodbye in return.

Back in the car, Andrew paused, noting every detail of that moment and then FaceTimed his wife. The moment she answered, tears poured down his cheeks and onto his mask that he forgot to remove.

“He was so brave. So brave. He didn’t even cry. He just waved goodbye and that was it.”

He pulled the mask from his face and used it to wipe the tears from his eyes before looking at his phone screen. He was met with his wife’s tear-soaked face, but also a proud smile.

“Well, one of us needs to be brave,” she said. “It might as well be him.”

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