Stephanie’s Second Act

WORDS Dwain Hebda IMAGES courtesy Stephanie Rofkahr

LOOKING AT STEPHANIE ROFKAHR TODAY,

you see a woman dedicated to the art and science of fitness, a driven competitor, and a successful businesswoman, founder of fit.four.five. Truth be told, her unwavering focus and long list of accomplishments are more than a little intimidating. Even her motto, “Don’t tell people your plans, show them your results,” speaks to her achievement-oriented attitude.

But it wasn’t always that way. To know her a few years ago would have yielded a much different impression as a neartragedy in her family in 2015 set off events that left her depressed, medicated and in the worst shape of her life physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Yet it was from this dark place that the wife and mother of three saw the speck of light that led her to her second act, a journey harder than she bargained for, but personally enriching in ways she once never could have imagined.

Stephanie’s story begins in Van Buren where her growing up was split between tomboyish early years in sports and girlier pursuits such as pageants and dance, fueled by regular workouts at the local gym, in high school. Each decade of her life brought new adventures, including marrying her high school sweetheart and welcoming kids. Throughout, she continued to exercise, even getting hooked on running in her thirties, which led her to complete marathons and warrior races until worn-out knees retired her by age forty.

Stephanie Rofkahr

Then, three years later, her then-five-year-old nearly drowned in the family’s swimming pool.

“I pulled him out of the water, and I passed out,” she says. “My daughter, who was fourteen at the time, ended up doing everything, calling 911, dealing with everything.”

The shock of the accident led both mother and daughter to therapy, a process which opened unexpected doors for Stephanie. She’d endured what can charitably be called a complicated relationship with her mother which led her to counseling throughout her formative years. In the sessions following her son’s near drowning, it quickly became clear that there was more to unpack from her childhood than she realized.

“When we started therapy, my daughter and I, the counselor said that I had unfinished business that I needed to get out with my mother,” Stephanie says. “We ended up going to counseling for six months and it was the best thing our family ever did.” Stephanie’s young son would make a full recovery, but in pouring herself into his care, Stephanie abandoned looking after her own needs.

“I just quit on myself,” she says. “I’ve always been one to turn to exercise because I knew the benefits of it. But when I took care of my son, I quit taking care of myself. I gained thirty pounds in five months, and I went into, I’m talking a deep, deep, deep depression. I then ended up getting on anti-depressants and those ended up making me feel horrible.” It’s sometimes the smallest of things that can change a life forever. For Stephanie it was a Halloween costume.

“My son wanted me to dress up as Cruella de Vil,” she says. “I borrowed a dress from my stepmom, but I’d gained so much weight, I couldn’t even zip it up. I ended up having to get a jacket to cover the back.”

“I told myself that next January 1st, I’m going to get back in the gym, I’m going to get back to what I know. I’m tired of being on anti-depressants. I didn’t even tell my husband; I just joined a gym and did what I knew best.”

Stephanie put everything she had into her training and fought her way back into shape. Four years ago – just two years after getting back to the gym – she also launched her online fitness company, fit.four.five.

“When I told my kids that I was going to start my own business online they said, ‘Oh, my gosh! Please don’t use your name. We don’t want any of our friends following you. How embarrassing,’” she says. “I always told my kids you just need forty-five minutes to get a good workout in and it takes about forty-five days to see results. That’s where the name came from.”

Early into her personal training business, Stephanie was training a young woman who suggested she consider competing in bikini body building, a division of the sport that stresses lean muscularity and poise over bulk.

The Rofkahrs

“I’m like, ‘Oh, my gosh. I would never do something like that.’ That was in March,” she says. “A week later I thought, ‘I’m going to go for it,’ and I competed that June.” Body building of any description requires next-level dedication, training and discipline and her event is no exception, even though having “bikini” in the title makes most people think otherwise.

“You have to be disciplined. You go to bed at a certain time. You wake up at a certain time. You eat at a certain time. You’re training, you’re practicing, you’re posing,” she says. “A lot of competitors don’t have kids or aren’t married, and I can see why. It totally takes over your life.”

“My daughters, the first time I announced it, were very upset. They were thinking I was going to be dancing on a pole. Then they came to my second show, and they saw it and now they’re my biggest supporters. When my husband turned fifty, we had a big cake and I said, ‘You know what? I’m throwing in the towel. I’m just going to have that piece of cake,’ and they all said, ‘Nooooo! Mom, don’t do it for a cake. You’ve got a show!’”

All of these individual milestones have augmented fit.four.five. Today she coaches her own bikini body building team while continuing to compete. She also does online training for the rank and file – something that blew up with the pandemic – and is beginning to branch into branded fitness products. Her face and training videos are all over social media, exposure she’s really had to learn how to deal with. “I was terrible with social media at first,” she says. “I said from Day One thank goodness I was in my forties starting this business and not in my twenties because I wouldn’t have lasted. There are a lot of ugly, mean, jealous people out there, but I just block them.”

But she also receives many comments from people who have thanked her for the inspiration to start their own second acts, who, like her, are moving past the trauma or abuse that wrecked their self-esteem. No matter how big fit.four.five gets, these will always be the ones that stand out and drive her in her work.

“My original goal was to reach moms because I’ve been a mom. I know what it’s like and how it affects you in taking care of yourself,” she says. “I get these women, from moms my age or their daughters, who are struggling with their weight or in the closet eating and I help them reclaim that part of their lives.”

“I wish I’d had someone to help me back then with the hormones, the depression and changing a lifestyle, from drinking enough water to getting out in the sun for natural vitamin D. All the things that reflect on your health and mental well-being, I want to teach women the importance of that. That’s my main thing.”

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