Rules of Love ..... Kiera Richens Luke

Page I 32

Rules of Love- A Satire

Kiera Richens Luke

The other day, while I was walking to class, minding my P's and Q's, except that I do not know what the P or the Q stands for so I guess I do not really know if I was minding them or not. In other words, I was behaving myself. I looked up from the beautiful, white tiled floor just in time to see two people, a boy and a girl, stop abruptly in front of me in the middle of the hallway. I thought maybe one of them had dropped something and I looked around to see what it might be. After a quick glance I looked back up towards the boy and girl. They were locked together at the lips; I think they were trying to have a contest to see who could get their tongue down the other individual's throat for the longest period of time. As they continued to passionately kiss, I looked around at the other students traveling to class and found it miraculous that this couple could be so oblivious. How did they do it, I wondered? They appeared to be experts at this pastime because nothing seemed to faze them as the students continued to hurry past them to get to class, jostling the couple every so often. They did not skip a beat, and it appeared that they were not breathing. I was starting to worry about them when they finally broke apart, but only for a moment, then they went back to playing tonsil hockey. Watching them was amazing, an art form itself, and I would have stayed longer, in hopes to pick up on some good techniques, but I was going to be late for English.

As I was sitting in class I found my mind begin to wander back to that scene I had just witnessed in the hallway. I replayed it over and over again, relishing the rhythm that they were so in tune to, until I had an epiphany! What if this art form, this public display of affection (PDA), could be taught as a class in our school! I could just imagine how beneficial that could be to all of us.

Page I 33

As I thought about it, we could set aside a classroom, fill it with couches, and make it a tender and affectionate place of study. I thought that we might also wire some speakers into the room and play soft, relaxing music when class was in session. We would hire an instructor to help those students who enroll in the class learn the correct way to kiss. We could perform studies to find out which methods work the best and seem to be the most enjoyable. I thought that we might even organize a committee to develop new methods to test. By doing this, we could train students the correct way to make out in the hallway between classes so that it may become as easy as walking. I wonder if we could manage developing a way to walk in lip-lock at the same time, but, of course, we would need President Thomas' approval to hold the class.

As my thoughts drifted back to the lecture we were having in class, I could not conceal my excitement about this new plan that had formed in my head. I thought of how many people would love my idea. Promoting PDA would make our lives better, allowing us all to feel a little more loved, especially in this repugnant college atmosphere, which is just what the world needs, right?