The Art of Getting Over a Breakup The Art of Getting Over a Breakup

Written by Sarah Grace Kennedy

Designed by Holly Sarah Liban | Photography by Leigh Shields

A terrible breakup seems to be a right of passage as we mature and come into our own.

Suddenly, the pictures of you together are erased from their Instagram, and with that, all of your memories seem to fade away with them. Your nights are filled with endless thoughts and you think, “this pain will never end.”

However, with time, the tears and anger dissipate into something beautiful. This doesn’t happen instantaneously, and it can sometimes take a lot of work.

To heal from a broken relationship, you need to begin by making positive changes in your life.

Resist the temptation to call them. You’ll never heal if you keep giving energy to someone who doesn’t see a future with you.

When you are ready, you may need to unfollow them on socials. Ignorance is truly bliss in this situation. What are you waiting to see? Their memories with someone new?

You don’t need to see what they are doing. It’s not your concern anymore where they are and who they are with. This can be challenging, but the longer you focus on someone who left you is time wasted that you could have invested in yourself.

You have the opportunity to learn to love yourself again. An opportunity to find who you are without them and that is so exciting.

You are young, wild and free.

Sit down with yourself and think about who and what makes you happy. Make plans. You have to push yourself to make new memories without them.

While it is helpful to distract yourself with new and exciting plans, you also have to take the time to sit with your emotions and recognize how you feel. There has to be a balance, or otherwise, your healing process will take even longer than it needs to.

You may have lost yourself in the midst of your relationship, or maybe you didn’t truly know yourself before it began. Reflection is a powerful tool to understand yourself further.

Talk to your friends and family about how you’re feeling. Maybe they saw signs that you were losing yourself along the way. Maybe they had no idea there was anything wrong. However, at the end of the day, they are here to support you and you don’t have to suffer alone.

It’s okay to feel sad, angry or any other emotion during your healing process. Try not to judge yourself.

You don’t have to constantly chase happiness.

Be kind to yourself. Healing takes time. You may go a long time without crying about it and then find yourself breaking down one day. Remember how much progress you have made and be proud of that.

Most importantly, push yourself to be comfortable alone. It can be so easy to dive into a new relationship before you have healed yourself from your last. There are no winners in a breakup.

You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

Take this time to work on yourself and wait for someone that values you for you. You will know when you are ready. Stop trying to chase down the next great thing.

Chances are you are emotionally unavailable right now. Just delete the apps for a while and stop giving just anyone your attention. Look for authentic love (when you are ready), not a quick fix.

The truth is that a relationship doesn’t equal happiness. It can bring a lot of joy, but it’s not the solution to your inner problems. When you find happiness within yourself, a relationship will be a happy bonus to your already fulfilled life.

Most people tend to form their lives around someone else. Build your own life and future and eventually, your perfect person will fit right in.

The true art of getting over a breakup is rediscovering yourself. After you dump the pain, sadness and anger, you can take the love you had for them and give it back to yourself. When you invest in yourself you’ll be surprised by how many good things start coming your way.

Everyone is looking for an answer, but the answer is you.

All those nights you talked until the sun came up. The nights you danced in the kitchen. The nights you didn’t let go. They finally become just beautiful memories with someone you once saw as beautiful too. Those memories shouldn’t be erased. You can still cherish them.

Those times may have been golden, but so are you. The day you realize you are golden without someone else’s shine bouncing off of you is when you know you’re finally free.