P E R

F E C T L I F E b y Yuemin Xiao

Living alone is free and unrestricted.

WORDS BY FIONA WANG AND YVONNE HONG

WHAT PISCES SEASON MEANS FOR YOUR SIGN...

When the moon looks like a perfect toe nail, gallop across every zebra crossing you encounter. Bonus points if you simultaneously wear a bell around your neck. Only then will you be ensured an unlimited supply of chequered slip-on Vans.

Taurus

Welcome to February! This month, you will encounter an orange cat named Ed. Make sure to stroke the side of his mouth three times, followed by seven clockwise twirls. You will inevitably feel dizzy after this, so make sure to blink and Mike Myers (Cat in the Hat edition) will appear in front of you. Hold his ear and be transported into the multiverse.

Gemini Cancer

Wear lots of cardigans this month. I really like cardigans and I don't think they're worn enough.

Aries Leo

Calling out all my Leo Twihards! This one’s for you! This month, you will be gifted with arguably the best experience of your life. Edward Cullen will be watching you sleep. That’s all. Sweet dreams my loves.

Libra

Be careful who you confide in. Nobody can be trusted. Everybody works for the government.

Virgo

In this month of February, you will meet a mysterious person with a bold moustache. They will whisper sweet things to you. Stroke their moustache twice and convince them to dye it blonde. This will unlock the key to the metaverse. Steve Jobs will be waiting at the end of the tunnel.

Scorpio

A suspicious elfen creature will greet you at your doorstep on the twelfth night of February. He will knock mischievously and run away. Be sure to follow him with a coquettish smirk. You will run off into the night together.

Saggitarius

As the moon continues to renegade, Libras must be cautious of hair dryers. An omen has been placed on the Dyson airwrap with the renegading moon at opposition. As Libra is one of three signs belonging to the air element, they will be heavily affected. Stay away from the Dyson air wraps. This month you NEED to wear tartan pants. Please. This specific fashion choice will guarantee your luck this month. No time for explanation.

Aquarius

DONATELLA VERSACE! (*purple heart emoji*)

Capricorn Pisces

The month of February will lead you to new beginnings. Every time you meet a new face, make sure to give them a pat on the head and bark at them. This will unleash your inner beast, so make sure to warn your friends to wear a helmet as you take them on the wild ride that is your February journey.

This February is all about embracing your inner Lady Gaga. Raise your claws, Monsters! You were born this way, baby!