Healing from a Mental Trauma: A Case Study – Anonymous

Healing from a mental trauma: A CASE STUDY

Anonymous

CONTENT WARNING: ABUSE, STALKING, BULLYING, MENTAL TRAUMA

I have been bullied and stalked. Unfortunately, like so many others. However, unlike many others, the institution I turned to for support listened to my complaints and helped me resolve them. It felt amazing, and I want to share this to help people, and highlight the importance of feminist movements.

It took me about a year to realise that what I had experienced was bullying, and to name it for what it is. These insignificant actions that occurred over the course of a year or so, and the mental health damage they did was lying right in front of my eyes, but I couldn’t see it for a long time. The irony is that I even had the special-feminist-reality-decoding-glasses on my nose! For some reason, they would not operate when I looked at myself in the mirror. I think this was the first element that puzzled me: the inability to recognise processes affecting myself, even when I was well aware of them in general. This fact alone probably explains half of the unreported cases of bullying that occur. We’re unable to recognise it happening to ourselves! Maybe friends or colleagues who know about the situation can help point it out, but often they won’t have any idea of what we are going through. We do not mention all of it because each action taken individually is truly insignificant. This is the power of bullying: making legal, nonserious actions, and repeating them over time. If offering to go out for a drink to your colleague is not an offence; offering several times a week, for months, when she (or maybe he!) has shown a lack of interest, or even clearly refused it, and has a deteriorating mental health, that is an offence! Thankfully laws exist to describe and punish such behaviour.

To me, this very first step of recognising you have been a victim of harassment is crucial. Once you can name what has happened to you, it is easier to seek help, which is the second key step to recovery. Sadly, this is where things can get worse.

After it had become clear to me that insomnia, nightmares, constant worry, fear of attending events were real signs of a wrong situation, and a situation I could no longer cope with, I decided to seek help. To me it was the normal thing to do in this situation, but would anyone else consider it the same way?

I first turned to a student-run organisation, because I am a student. They would probably have seen similar cases and have experience in dealing with this. In less than a minute they pointed me to Student Assist. I was quickly booked in for an appointment with an officer after emailing them, and their first lines were “Thanks for getting in touch. Are you ok and safe?” “Yeah sure, I thought. It’s just a dude being a little too insistent about talking to me… Nothing dangerous. They must see far worse…” Two days later I was meeting with a Student Assist officer and telling my story. The long and constantly evolving story goes back about a year in time, so it took a while to deliver it in its entirety. All along she carefully listened, never interrupting, never questioning, simply paying attention to my problem. When I was finished her reaction was “Gosh! I am glad you contacted us! You’ve been dealing pretty well with all this!” She then explained how to lodge an official complaint with the university services, and said she would also notify Security. She assisted me with formalities, and the complaint was lodged and resolved within a few weeks.

So, all I had to do was tell them what I had gone through and that I wanted to lodge a complaint for it to happen? Really?! At the time everything felt normal and fair, once I was aware that it was an authentic bullying problem, justice had to be done, right? But time passed and I listened to more harassment or assault stories, told by victims who lodged official complaints with varying (un)success. Then I realised how lucky I had been throughout the process. None of the persons I got in touch with ever doubted or questioned me. I told them I had a problem, explained it in detail, and all they said was “You’ve done the right things. Are you ok and safe? Here is what we can do for you.” They never questioned my honesty. They never searched for inconsistencies or unclear parts of my story. They never said it was just an awkward guy trying to be friendly, nor meaning bad, or that I should learn to cope with it. They also never lied about their acting potential. All the possible and impossible options were always very clearly explained to me. I knew where I was going, with who, and who to contact should anything go wrong.

Now it may sound like anyone could accuse someone else of bullying and sanctions would be taken without more reflection. No, I don’t think so. It is not a system that blindly believes victims. If it went so smoothly without questioning for me, it is probably because the facts had been happening for a year, and fitted in a 6-pages-typed document. It was also causing me anxiety and insomnia, and diminishing my usually active social life on campus. I also had several witnesses. Maybe it was so easy because the case was legitimate enough. Or maybe because the persons I met were properly trained in this domain. They knew how to receive victims and their stories, and how to orientate them to the most adapted support services. I think it went so well, not because my case was bad enough, but because they were good enough to see the problem.

In the end, a few months after closing the case, I feel good. I feel safe at work and at home. I sleep at night. It is not a burden anymore. I have analysed the events, have interpreted them and classified them as “past”, and others have helped me in that process. Had I been alone through this, I would not currently be out of it. To me, and a few external observers who knew the situation, it was obviously very wrong. But it would have been meaningless if an official representing what is right or wrong at university had decided otherwise. Knowing things deep inside are a necessity, but they are not enough for healing. The facts have to be recognised by some person of authority for the victim to feel legitimated, and to finally move on. I am forever grateful to the people who have dedicated time and energy in making the support services what they are now at UWA, and to the ones who supported me. They rescued me.

Why feminism matters.

1: Such laws don’t exist everywhere. Bullying is not okay. It is not specific to women, true, but many women experience it. Sexual violence too is mostly experienced by women, and the offenders are ~95% males. Going too far from bullying to sexual assault?! They have a common denominator: violence against women. No feminist movement = no data on violence = no legal change.

2: Sounds about right and normal? Well in this country, usually yes, but not always, and in other countries this is absolutely extraordinary. Let’s name and shame for a second, in France, many women are sent home when they go to a police station to report a violent partner. “Just a couple of arguments. You are going to ruin his reputation. Think about the children.” These are phrases often heard by victims of domestic violence. I let you imagine how they would receive a complaint for bullying… No feminist movement = no recognition of this problem = no adapted training of officers lodging complaints.

3: In many places mental health issues, bullying, verbal or physical violence, are not well known by institutions. Like any problem in life, if you are not exposed to it personally, oy are not taught about it, you can simply live your entire life in total ignorance of this problem! Even if you know about that type of problem, you then may have clichéd representations of it. Often these issues around harassment and violence are experienced by women, facts denounced by feminists. No feminist movement = no real data, no real knowledge = no changing of the situation.