Pelican 2016 (87) Edition 3 by UWA Student Guild

a fe Sch ools

o dy ch f r a e

d s:

BRAD COHEN

Stand b u s se y

ar Sandwi a nt

ALANNAH MACTIERNAN

WITH

ee d S

Nauru and the Geopolitics of Empathy

1 9 2 9

ll N

20 APRIL 16

INTERVIEWS

S I N C E

AND

JARRAD SENG

QUIT FUCKIN’ CODDLING US, UNIS

ISSUE 3 VOLUME 87

PREZITO RIAL

MA DDIE M U L H OL L A N D

Hello loyal Pelican readers and first time Pelican readers, wherever you are reading this. This edition's theme is ‘Space’, which has been a favourite topic of mine since I was a child. So much so that I started at UWA with grand dreams of becoming an astrophysicist – that was until I realised how much maths was involved and opted to keep space exploration as a hobby rather than a career. But space is still a pretty incredible concept. What I like most about space is that you can fill it with your imagination, IKEA objects, and people and activities you like. The Guild has been embarking on a long term Masterplan to incrementally upgrade the Guild Village and other Guild spaces around the Crawley, Nedlands, QEII and Albany campuses. If you have been at UWA a while, you will have seen a new Guild Student Centre and Guild Volunteering centre, upgrades to the Tavern, new Ref outlets, pop up cafes, upgrades to furniture, and most recently a new Club Collaborative Zone: to name a few. Our aim is to create spaces you want to be in. We also aim to fill those spaces with the things and people you want to be around. 138 Guild-affiliated clubs and societies run events in all sorts of spaces on and off the Crawley campus – you'll see them setting up in the Tavern, around Guild Village, in Hackett Cafe, on Oak Lawn, in parks, in halls and in nightclubs – and if you haven't gone and seen what those events and student groups are about, you definitely should! There are, of course, some spaces that aren't controlled by the Guild, but we like to be vocal about what we want to see in them in order to create change. Like oncampus bathrooms. Can't get enough of clean bathrooms. If you ever want to talk about spaces, or (outer) space, you can find me in the UWA Student Guild. x Maddie

H AY T O RIA L

H AY D E N DA L Z I EL

Having strayed too close to my selfimposed deadline for getting this written, and with intermittent unifi issues hampering any attempt to do a serious editorial, here are some entirely unconnected thoughts and a recipe for a good pad thai. About halfway through the latest ##PELICAN FASHION## drawing I had an idea for a subculture where everyone tries to create as much space as possible, like just empty gaps between other things. So all of these space-freaks go around shifting couches to be further apart from other couches, stripping rooms bare of furniture altogether. The 21st century hasn’t produced many decent subcultures we can all really get into and I think this is something the whole family can enjoy. Maybe you can start the trend yourself by increasing the space between your feet. Do the splits. Encourage a friend to join in. Now you’re getting it. Thought number two: next to my desk is a picture of the horse Caractacus. He is a very long horse, almost unnaturally so, which is why I keep him. A decent recipe for Pad Thai: Soak some rice noodles in hot water until they’re edible. Mix lime juice (or lemon, if need be), soy sauce, raw sugar and sambal oelek in roughly equal measures and set aside. Fry up onions, capsicum, eggs, spring onions and bean sprouts (not in that order, work it out for yourself) and mix all the fried goodness through your noodles along with the sauce you prepared earlier. Garnish with lots of coriander, ground-up peanuts and chili. I can safely say that this is the most enlightening and useful editorial ever written. x Hay

P R E N D IT OR IA L

KAT E PRE NDE RGA S T

Because I was fed Foucault in my English undergrad years, and I guess also because social anxiety has made me into a bit of a furtive ‘oh god people, CAN I SCURRY UNDER A BIT OF LOOSE CARPET’ type, I often find myself wondering on the physical structure of a place, and how it shapes and determines a person’s agency. City planners, architects, politicians and all those other bighatted people have such a dizzying say over how an individual interacts with, acclimatizes to and is politically positioned within their surroundings – whether this be the city they try to find a job in, the university they download Better Call Saul in, or the home they find their most familiar four corners in. It can be easy to become desensitised to this; and often it takes being flung into someplace entirely new – a new city, sharehouse, legumes cellar, dumpster – to remember. Disorientated, you feel your body worked on by visible and invisible forces, trussed in a skein of vibrating cultural and situational mores. And if you’re like me, you’re wont to be wriggling and squirming against them, although not typically in the physical sense. I do like a good wriggle though. It is pleasant. Not every ‘body’ is equally free however, or has equal ‘legitimacy’ to wriggle. How mobile we are – in our everyday movements, careers, travels, work and home spaces – has a lot to do with our position in the society we’re living in, and the value of ‘human’ we are typically assigned. In March I went to a Students for Refugees organised talk called ‘Who’s Bodies Matter?’ and (following words by Professor Carmen Lawrence and Refugee Council boardmember Dr Caroline Fleay) listened to young Muslim refugee Jamila Jafari, who grew up in detention. She spoke of the denigrating and sometimeshorrific experiences she was subject to in the years she spent in the Adelaide compound – placed there indeterminately for nothing more than her family’s will for a better life. Savour your freedoms; dance not only in your room; fling out your arms; journey to every space you have a curiosity for; fight for those who can’t. x Prendy

THE talent EDITORS

CONTRIBUTORS

Hayden Dalziel

Bradley Griffin ᵒ

Hayden Dalziel *ᵒ

Nathan Robert ᵒ

Kate Prendergast

Bridget Rumball ᵒ

Holly Jian *

Patrick Bendall *

Bryce Newton *ᵒ

SECTION EDITORS

Jade Newton ᵒ

Prema Arasu ᵒ

Cameron Moyses ᵒ

Janey Hakanson ᵒ

Rae Twiss ᵒ

POLITICS Bradley Griffin

Catherina Pagani *

Jasmine Ruscoe ᵒ

Rose Stewart ᵒ

FILM Jaymes Durante

Caz Stafford ᵒ

Jaymes Durante ᵒ

Sammi Landowner *

MUSIC Harry Manson

Chadley Griffin ᵒ

Jeff Bubsy *

Samuel J. Cox ᵒ

BOOKS Bryce Newton

Clara Seigla *

Jess Cockerill ᵒ

Sana Bharadwaj ᵒ

ARTS Samuel J. Cox

Clare Moran * (more_ankles)

Kate Prendergast *ᵒ

Stuart Paton ᵒ

LIFESTYLE Thomas Rossiter

Clare Toonen ᵒ

Kyra Daley ᵒ

Taylor Brown *

Danyon Burge *

Laura Wells *

The Albatrossiter ᵒ

Eamonn Kelly ᵒ

Leah Roberts ᵒ

Ed Smith ᵒ

Leona Mpagi ᵒ

Fred Von Jorgs ᵒ

Lilli Foskett *

Gabby Loo *

Melissa Scott ᵒ

Harry Manson ᵒ

Melody Taba ᵒ

Harry Peter Sanderson ᵒ

Michael O’Leary ᵒ

DESIGN Elise Walker

ADVERTISING Chelsea Hayes

chelsea.hayes@guild.uwa.edu.au

offer applies to large pizzas only

FEATURE ART COVER Richard Moore INSIDE Taylor Brown ᵒ Words

* Illustrations

INSIDE

PELICAN EDITION 3 : VOLUME 87 SPACE REGULARS Editorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Notes

Campus Spot

Space Art Page

Is Green, Is Good

Pelican Songbook

FEATURES Safe Space Race

Eating Fresher: Subways-of-Perth Review

How Far Are We Willing to Go

Writing for Return of Kings

Horrorscopes

A History of Space Art

Heavenly Bodies

Latte Art Through the Ages II

SECTIONS Politics

Film 26 Music

Books

Art

Lifestyle

GET INVOLVED! ~~all students welcome ~~

pelican@guild.uwa.edu.au

pelicanmagazine.com.au

Above the ref! Post to M300 35 Stirling Highway, Crawley 6009 WA

@PelicanMagazine @pelicanmagazine

The University of Western Australia acknowledges that its campus is situated on Noongar land, and that Noongar people remain the spiritual and cultural custodians of their land, and continue to practice their values, languages, beliefs and knowledge. The views expressed within are not the opinions of the UWA Student Guild or Pelican editorial staff, but of the individual writers and artists.

SPOTLIGHT ON CAMPUS SPOT W H AT ?

A pseudo-Russian futurist statue of a man moving in to swat an invisible tennis ball

WHERE?

Standing in a green island near the Sports Science North building

GEH?

In 2003, a Russian dignitary visited the UWA campus and presented a free, open talk to students and the community on the wholesomeness and rightful path to socialism, scattered with legume farming tips and tricks. Like most free, open talks held on campus, it was marketed through the circulation of an obscure and perky email, which was roundly ignored by everyone, and read only accidently by those who had meant to click open subject line: “Meat-Dripping, you have 99 new notifications”.

Pelican

Look Book: Space

The Russian dignitary – whose name, we may as well give, was Nikolai Brusilov – was understandably crestfallen. He had been sent to “the land of the mineral-monied convict” as penance for his hugely inept masterminding of the Litvinenko poisoning; tasked with a new covert undertaking to radicalise the student populace and spark the revolution in an isolated, alienated, disgruntled world region. Brusilov knew that with a turnout of only one kindly quoll-like lady who smiled and nodded at everything he said, he could only fail his leaders again. Shuffling out after the talk, his eyes fell upon a young girl’s ankle. Upon it – his eyes widened – was a tatt of a sickle and star. Hope flooded his body. His eyes gleamed; his cock hardened; his brain whirled like the stars in a timelapsed night sky. The following day, the university was presented with a gift from Brusilov and attendant envoy. It was a strange, lunar, spangly statue, which no department really wanted, especially when they found it whispered things like “means of production” and “Comrade Putin Cleanses the Earth of Filth” every half hour. Sports Science grudgingly accepted it because it was thematically related to them, and they were high on endorphins so had trouble seeing ill in the world. Upon his heroic return in 2016, Brusilov was pleased to report to his leaders that Socialist Alternative membership had gone up by a full 0.2%.

Questions 1. In space no one can hear you ___ ? 2. America once spent ONE QUADRILLION dollars on a pen to use in zero gravity, what did the Russians use? 3. The Hubble Space telescope was intended to photograph what celestial objects? 4. Did you hear about how Bream fishes were voted the most

useful object in all outer-atmospheric exploration at the biannual NASA christmas party? 5. Sorry to ask all these questions, I haven’t actually asked how you’re going yet. 6. Oh cool, I’m actually really looking forward to that. 7. Things aren’t the same since Janice left me.

1. Fish for Bream, it is an unlikely activity. 2. A floppy Bream fish, they used juices from its swim bladder. It cost them one dollar. 3. The Interstellar Bream [pictured] 4. I know this now, and I will never be so foolish as to think otherwise. 5. Oh I mean I’m fine, actually I’m going ahead with this solo show at the Blue Room, yeah I’m collaborating with this playwright and a sock-puppet manufacturer. Should be good. 6. And how’s stuff with you? 6

PERTH FACT FREO PRISON’S EXECUTION CHAMBER IS STILL IN USE AS AN EXTREME AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION DUNGEON

"ART" BY KATE PRENDERGAST

DISPLACE SPACE WORDS BY HARRY PETER SANDERSON ART BY CLARE MORAN (more_ankles)

n the early 1960s, artist Nam June Paik experimented with pointing a camera at a screen it was linked to in order to create a series of infinite repetitions. This was a conversation between two objects which provided the semblance of large, stretching space, while actually only existing in a very small area between two flat surfaces. The feedback loop is an analogue to the modern University campus – a sanitised echo chamber, which offers only the appearance of dialogue and depth. Last October, student representative from the University of Leeds Toke Dahler became semi-viral when he debated David Aaronovitch on Newsnight, encouraging Student Unions to ban controversial speakers from University campuses. Universities, Dahler argued, must be made a ‘safe space’. Students need to feel calm and welcome on their campus, and outside influences should not intrude upon those conditions. There are two issues with his philosophy. The first is the very action of excluding these people from participation in campus dialogue. To exclude someone is to acknowledge they exist and pretend they don’t, which is ludicrous. Dahler said that students “shouldn’t feel uncomfortable as the result of a speaker being on their premises”. The unfortunate truth behind this is that students won’t remain on campus forever. Ignoring the viewpoint of someone who exists in the real world is to fabricate an environment, and prevent students from experiencing philosophy that evidently exists in the real world. Students should feel uncomfortable, and learn how to react to it – we’re after all getting dangerously close to a Trump presidency, in which the uncomfortable may become institutionalised. The second problem is the idea that speech could be of possible harm should students themselves choose to go and listen to it. This argument is frequently employed by the young political left, and has essentially no basis. Being exposed to a viewpoint you do not agree with, even vehemently, is positive. Engaging with an idea is far from accepting it – in fact in most cases, the importance of being exposed to an idea lies in your ability to criticise and reject it. In early 2015, when a pig’s head was left in the bathroom of a Muslim prayer facility at UWA,

students were presented with violent, blind Islamophobia. In the wake of the attack, the masses weren’t necessarily swayed towards condemning Islam; instead they were able to acknowledge the harsh reality of extant anti-Islamic culture, and ultimately unite to denounce bigotry. Though this wasn’t a formally organised debate, it was in essence a clashing of ideologies in a university environment. Hearing someone speak out against Islam, or gay marriage or vaccinations or intake of immigrants or the reality of climate change only stimulates positive conversation around the issues. Ignoring voices of controversy and hate, and shutting them off our campuses, won’t effectively silence them.

Hearing someone speak out against Islam, or gay marriage or vaccinations or intake of immigrants or the reality of climate change only stimulates positive conversation around the issues This feeds into the socratic dialectic – the age-old idea of debate in which better hypotheses are found by steadily identifying and eliminating those that lead to contradictions. Eliminating redundant hypotheses is only possible if we identify and engage with them. In 2014, Uthman Badars’ lecture titled “Honour killings are morally justified” was cancelled by the Sydney Opera House after outcry from the public, students of UNSW among them. The talk was part of the Festival of Dangerous Ideas, an annual symposium dedicated to presenting controversial viewpoints and stimulating conversation. Ostensibly this festival is a fantastic idea, but its cornerstone concept was completely undermined by the choice to remove a speaker on the basis his ideas were too radical. Of course I don’t believe that honour killings are even slightly defensible (neither did Badars when he really presented his argument) but that’s beside the point – ideas that seem barbaric and immoral should be heard and engaged with. The tenets of the socratic dialectic require free speech from all parties. Only then can we progress towards an informed, rational solution. I quote from Barrack Obama: I’ve heard some college campuses where they don’t want to have a guest speaker who is too conservative or they don’t want to read a book if it has language that is offensive to African-Americans or

PERTH FACT ONCE A HIPSTER STRONGHOLD, PIGEONHOLE IS NOW ATTEMPTING TO CRACK THE BIKIE MARKET

somehow sends a demeaning signal towards women. I don’t agree that you, when you become students at colleges, have to be coddled and protected from different points of view. I think that anybody who comes to speak to you and you disagree with, you should have an argument with them. But you shouldn’t silence them by saying, “You can’t come because I’m too sensitive to hear what you have to say.” Thus is the nature of dangerous ideas – they don’t necessarily corrupt the individual, and as long as they are viewed critically, they create the best form of progression. We could quote Hegel at length on ‘Aufheben’ and learning from our enemies, but Vonnegut in Piano Player seems to say it more succinctly: “The most beautiful peonies I ever saw were grown in almost pure cat excrement.” We see pure excrement in the bombastic rhetoric of commentators like Glenn Beck and Donald Trump, but better to listen to them and move onto higher, more beautiful solutions than ignore them and only accept the safe, watered-down jejunities of someone like Waleed Aly. The university would very likely not have allowed Uthman Badars to deliver his speech, and I believe Toke Dahler would be buoyantly accepted into their midst. Universities tend to stick to social sentiments so obvious and positive at times they begin to seem like a parody group of the typically naive, left wing student. Dissent on political issues is not encouraged – it isn’t even really allowed. A university is a nebulous institution which should contain institutional conflicts of opinion and ideology. It’s a place of dialectical progression as a result of conversation and debate, not a sports team working towards one definitive objective. We must recognise the uncomfortable truth that it is important to give equal attention to ideas you agree with and

ideas you don’t. Every beneficial progressive social movement has, by definition, come out of someone presenting a viewpoint that was, at the time, communally unacceptable. UWA only allowing its own form of emetic ‘progression’ can only result in ideological stagnation, since without several antitheses there can be no reasonable higher thesis. Vice Chancellor Paul Johnson offended on the same grounds recently in his reluctance to accept the many recommendations for change to the Renewal Project. Here, in part aided by voluble staff, student and union action, open communications has been allowed in a sense. As one UWA staff member has expressed however, responding to the closed structure of online feedback submissions, “there should have been an open location where submissions could be read by the University body at large… that would have been more in keeping with a process of open consultation”. Moreover, following the Senate’s announcement in March of the finalized proposal, the numerous criticisms haven’t seemed to have made any real difference. Perhaps the trend of political sanitisation will extend into the future to the point of complete singularity in dialogue. We can’t depend upon the university to seek and accommodate varied points of conversation anytime soon, so the best we have as students is to discuss exciting ideas between ourselves. For the best source to express and receive them I emphatically recommend this beloved campus magazine: The Pelican may be run by a bunch of socialists, but at least they’ll print something slightly out of their comfort zone once in a while.

PERTH FACT THE DADDY LONG LEGS HAVE SEEN YOU NAKED

EATING FRESHER A COMPREHENSIVE EXPLORATION OF THE WORLD’S BEST SANDWICH MERCHANT WORDS BY FRED VON JORGS ART BY LILLI FOSKETT

n this scary modern age, many find it nigh impossible to scamper out from under the ever-lengthening shadow of corporate hegemony. It seems that this ubiquitous presence of businesses and corporations in our day-to-day lives has birthed a peculiar, yet not at all unexpected, tendency towards total uniformity. The consumer notes how every store, every fast food restaurant, every individual instance of corporate space, has been meticulously designed to look exactly the same. How one can go to any McDonalds anywhere in the world and have almost identical experiences each time. So, naturally, the question gets raised: Is it even possible to find some sort of meaningful difference between spaces that have been so carefully crafted to avoid all variance? Exactly how much room is there for originality within any rigid corporate framework? This is what I hope to find out. Studious scientician that I am, I’ll be going about this thought experiment in the most sensible and practical way anyone could reasonably expect: By eating at, and subsequently reviewing, every Subway restaurant in the greater Perth

MORLEY Morley Subway is very dear to me. I grew up with it as an important and formative presence in my childhood. I’m intimately familiar with its every facet and crevice. It’s the yardstick to which I compare every other Subway. In fact, there’s literally no way I can review this store objectively. Just walking through the frosted glass doors feels like crossing into some ephemeral liminal space. It feels like sanctuary, a second home. I know the names of every sandwich artist there and the extent of their sandwich-making finesse. They gave me a rewards card and they gave it like, four separate stamps the time I bought a group of my deadbeat friends in with me to buy lunch. One time, I showed up a full hour before opening hours and they let me in anyway! Everything about this place is beautiful and pure and good. On a scale of 1 to 5 subs, I give it 6 subs.

I know I said that I’d avoid reviewing any stores that were part of a greater shopping complex, but listen. Listen. Go fuck yourself. This is the best Subway I’ve ever eaten at and I can’t for the life of me figure out why that is. Located in the throbbing heart of Bentley, this store’s a quiet and unassuming place, occupied solely by tradies and beleaguered Curtin students. And yet, the salads are crunch with freshness that can only accurately be described as ‘immaculate’, the bread is toasted

metropolitan area. By comparing each individual branch of the monolithic Subway sequoia, I hope to gain some insight into the exact nature of corporate space. To find out if any kind of varied experience can be dredged from this mire of capitalistic excess. Furthermore, for the sake of authenticity and brevity, I’ll be avoiding any Subway that’s part of a greater shopping complex or food court. Now, before this review starts in earnest I feel it prudent, for the sake of full disclosure, to mention that I am the single biggest Subway enthusiast that I, yourself, or anyone you know has ever met. I live, eat, and breathe lightly toasted footlong sandwiches. The worst day of my life was when I woke up, hungover, on New Year’s Day, wanting nothing more than to eat fresh (the purest and most base of human desires) and found my local subway closed for the holiday. I named my first daughter Eatfresh and now my entire family gets 70% off every order we make at participating Subway stores. I adore them.

to crisp perfection, and the employees swan through the store with a celestial grace that is, frankly, unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed. If you’re anything like me, you probably live in constant and unrelenting dread at the idea that your fragile life could be snuffed at any moment, any day, any time. That unknowable and immutable forces far beyond anything you could imagine are wresting the tiny amount of control over destiny from your feeble desperate grasp, and careening you, headlong, into the inevitable jaws of doom. Just being confined within the four walls of this Subway feels like reprieve, like control. It carries the weighty presence of hyper-competence, the furious rage of living snarls outside, smashes impotently on the glass walls, yet inside you are safe from the horrors of the world. You know that if you just asked these kind-eyed sandwich artists, they would force their dextrous hands deep into your throat and carefully, lovingly, extricate every demon from the pit of your stomach. But you would never do that. Could never do that. 5 subs.

I generally tend to avoid UWA as much as humanly possible, but, like the best of us, I occasionally find myself dragged into its labyrinthine maw in the form of some necessary errand or obligation. I’ve found that these occasional, unavoidable visits have been vastly improved by the addition of the Subway. I don’t know which student party was responsible for this but, honestly, good call. Much in the same way that a certain room

PERTH FACT VISIT EVERY CHICKEN TREAT IN AUSTRALIA AND WIN THE CEO’S HAND IN MARRIAGE

or space can act as a grounding and calming presence during an intense, otherwise unpleasant hallucinogenic trip, the UWA Subway provides vital succour in a sprawling maze of sadness and improbably designed libraries. The food is good too! Better than it should be! Every time I’ve been there I’ve had to wait upwards of 15 minutes in a meandering queue that seeped out of the building, yet each sub feels like it’s been lovingly and painstakingly crafted for me and only me. Nothing about the preparation seemed rushed or harried, there was no overstuffing or clumsy fisting of ingredients. A delight for the senses, frankly. I’m giving it 3.5 subs, only because there’s no way to physically get to it without first crossing the UWA campus.

I have come to believe that the Forrest Place Subway has a vested interest in providing a virulently disappointing culinary experience for all those unfortunate enough to pass through its doors. Just walking inside, one is immediately buffeted with the collective psychic force of a million disgruntled sandwich makers. Everything that happens in this store is a slight against God, a meticulously calculated step away from salvation. From the semi-defrosted, gristle-laden chicken strips, to the stringently rationed mozzarella cheese containers, to the ubiquitous rot that worms through the salad bar, everything this store does reeks of a purposeful mediocrity that follows you long after lunch has ended. My father worked as a journalist. During the first job he ever had he somehow, in some inscrutable fit of self-imposed martyrdom, managed to haggle for a lower wage than he was offered. I feel like that’s the only way to explain the sensation of ordering from this Subway. It feels like being disrespected. More than that, it feels like being wearily content with being disrespected. Not enjoying the disrespect, but seeing it as an inevitable outcome of your Subway experience, and learning to tolerate it. Because that’s what you deserve. Disrespect. I don’t know what exactly happened in this store to make every sandwich they produce so deeply unwholesome and flawed. Current theory: Shaman curse. 1 sub.

the prime real estate of my intrigue. Before I started writing this review, I had never worked up the motivation to venture inside, although I would always pass it whenever I had occasion to catch the now-defunct 106 bus. Every time it caught my sharp, eagle-eyed gaze, I would be struck speechless by its presence. A stalwart wheelie-bin-green cube of concrete, conspicuously unattached to any other buildings, and flanked by dumpsters. It’s separated by only a flimsy chain-link fence from its most salient feature: a vast, deep pit that looks less like construction work than it does a fatal gouge in the meat of the earth. Naturally, I fell in love at first sight. When I arrived at the bus stop just outside the dilapidated brickwork, I was overwhelmed by a rush of giddy anticipation, but also, a vague sense of nervous dread. For so long Pitway has existed, in my mind, as an idea. An abstract concept devoid of physicality. The liminal space I would pass occasionally and refer to, affectionately, as “the most hideous Subway u hav ever fukken seen, like holy shit guys what a hot wreck” was rapidly approaching material reality. A sensation akin only to meeting a long adored idol for the first time. I honestly cannot express how keen I was for this moment. It was bananas. Naturally, I had nothing to fear. When I crossed the threshold I was greeted immediately with the underwhelming interior of a criminally neglected storefront. The fluorescent lights flickered as a preternaturally gaunt employee stared me down from behind the counter, his eyes slitted, and grey, and overflowing with poorly masked contempt. In the corner, an ageing repair man coughed wetly as he struggled with the broken soft drink machine. Overhead, the speakers blared a ceaseless stream of grating advertisements. Whether this was a prerequisite to actual music, or a yet undiscovered radio infomercial channel, I’m unable to say, since I only spent about ten minutes there. The food however, was surprisingly adequate! I avoided most of the salads on account of some grimy looking lettuce, but still! A solid sub! Furthermore, sitting down to eat, I had a fantastic window view of the endless parade of cars crawling along Canning Highway, slogging along under the excruciating glare of noon sun. Everything about Pitway was just as horrendously grim and depressing as I could have possibly imagined. I love it. I’m gonna buy out the property. I don’t know how yet, but, it’s gonna happen. 5 subs.

This enigmatic Subway has always had complete control over

Final Thoughts: Does this continuing trend of cultivating identical corporate spaces bode well for society? Who can say whether removing the specificity of place acts as a symbol of contemporary suburban luxury, or the bleak harbinger of rampant, soul-rending consumerism? Who can say? Certainly not me, your local sandwich aficionado. All I can say for certain is that in this frightening and unpredictable world, Subway, the multi-million dollar conglomerate, is a trusted friend and confidante for everyone. God Bless.

PERTH FACT EVERY TOUR BUS IN PERTH TERMINATES AT THE PLACE HEATH LEDGER USED TO BUY WEED

HOW FAR ARE WE WILLING TO GO? WORDS BY ED SMITH

here is a lot to be said for the value of proximity when discussing world events. We are of course far more invested in something that is happening in our own neighbourhood than something happening on the other side of the world, with the exception that events in ‘culturally similar’ Western states will always receive more media coverage than comparable events in non-Western states. Just consider the recent terrorist attacks in Belgium and Pakistan. White lives are of infinitely greater interest to our delicate postcolonial sensibilities. Of course when people from over there start coming over here, it gets all gets a bit difficult. It becomes a bit harder not to care about people when they’re in close proximity; if someone is having a heart attack in front of you, you sort of have to call an ambulance, even if you don’t really like them. You can’t just cover your eyes and run away (running with your eyes closed is not recommended in any context). If someone comes to your door in a frantic state because they’ve just been in a car accident, your first instinct is probably to help them, thanks to that tiresome human capacity for empathy. What a drag. The Australian Government has found a rather ingenious solution to this emotional inconvenience. By taking all the people trying to come over here in order to escape conflict over there, and sending them even further away, to tiny islands in the Pacific ocean, we can essentially bypass our empathic dispositions altogether. This is especially effective once a media blackout is enforced for “on-water matters”. If we “turn back the boats”, we can stop people drowning at sea on our doorstop, and send them off to drown at sea somewhere else where we can’t see them, and thus don’t have to share in their hopelessness and desperation. Problem moved out of sight is as problem solved. One of our favourite dumping grounds is unquestionably the notorious Island nation of Nauru. Now, without cheating, open your atlas or turn to your desktop globe (whichever is most convenient), and point to Nauru. Did you find it? It’s not embarrassing to concede defeat in this exercise; you probably need a magnifying glass to succeed. The nation is, after all, smaller than Rottnest Island. I was surprised too. To help visualise their comparative sizes, I have created this handy scale rendition of the two islands sideby-side (finally putting that geography major to use). Of course, the tiny size of the island is not its only noteworthy feature. It’s also very, very far away. From anywhere. The nearest landmass to Nauru is Banaba Island (part of the Republic of Kiribati), a raised coral island 300km to the east,

which has an area of 6km2, and is about 3km from coast to coast at its widest point. If you left Nauru in search of an island that is any larger, you would need to travel across the ocean for about 1100km (about the distance from Perth to Exmouth) before coming across Malaita Island of the Solomon Islands. If heading to Nauru from Australia, you would likely be leaving from Brisbane, facing a 5-hour flight to cover the 3,300km distance. So imagine flying from Perth to Sydney, but instead of flying over land, you are flying for hours and hours with nothing but the Pacific Ocean beneath you. Can you begin to feel the seeping hopelessness of extreme isolation? This incredible distance also explains some of the inordinate costs involved with offshore detention, particularly on Nauru. In order to accommodate the 634 asylum seekers who were in the Nauru detention centre at the end of May last year, Australian taxpayers (that’s us!) spent $645,726 to cover just the 11 preceding months. That’s about $1,927 per asylum seeker per day. To add a little more perspective to this conundrum of costs and distances, while also tying in a bit more space into this spatial discussion, let us now consider the International Space Station. The ISS is essentially where all astronauts go these days, since the Apollo missions finished in the 70s, and it orbits the Earth at an altitude of about 400km. That’s almost exactly the distance from Perth to Albany, meaning that if it were directly overhead it would take about four and a half hours to drive there, depending on the traffic (and also ignoring most laws of physics). This really brings us to the crux of my argument. It seems that there are two key advantages to sending asylum seekers very very far away into the most isolated places on earth. Firstly of course, it means that we don’t have to see them or share in their suffering, and thus we can pretend that they don’t exist. Secondly, it tramples their spirits and strips away what little dignity they might have left, exacerbating the soul-crushing hopelessness of their situation and thereby teaching them a valuable lesson about wanting a better future for their children. Somehow, according to our government, this will influence the

PERTH FACT NEWS OF THE TAKEOVER OF PALMYRA BY ISIS TERRIFIED EVERYONE SOUTH OF THE RIVER

number of refugees seeking asylum (at a time when we are faced with the greatest number of displaced people since the Second World War). Perhaps in their warped neoliberal view of the world, they think that by reducing demand for refugees, they will invariably reduce the supply. I believe in the real world though, the situation is a little more nuanced, with things like violent conflict and the persecution of minorities having more to do with people fleeing their homes. However, there may actually be a better, more cost efficient way to deal with this overwhelming influx of up to tens of impoverished people. At a time when we are spending around $1.3 billion on offshore detention (not including the $6 million recently splurged by our eminent Minister of Propaganda Peter Dutton on what I’m sure will be a thrilling and totally unbiased telemovie about seeking asylum in Australia), I think it’s time we asked ourselves: is it cheaper to send asylum seekers into space? Many politicians from both the Labor and Liberal parties have personally assured me that offshore processing is the only way to deal with asylum seekers, but maybe they’re just not thinking outside the square, or in this case, atmosphere. Why can’t we put a motion forward for extra-terrestrial processing? By spending a little time digging around on the internet I discovered that it costs around $22,000 per kilogram to launch “material” into space. Given that many of the asylum seekers coming to Australia are children, and most adults would be fairly emaciated due to malnutrition, we can perhaps assume an average mass of 50kg per human. To launch 50kg into space would cost us around $1.1 million, which unfortunately is still more than the $650,000 odd we spend per year detaining one person in Nauru. Of course we could always lower this weight by reducing conditions in detention even further, with the hope that it might encourage some hunger strikes. I wouldn’t put it past that crafty Dutton to come up with such a scheme. At this point though, you might be thinking this is a futile argument, since we haven’t even looked at the cost of getting them back (from space). Luckily, the Government budget for resettlement is even bigger than its budget for offshore processing (so long as the resettlement isn’t in Australia). So far, at a cost of $55 million, we have managed to resettle five

asylum seekers in Cambodia. So on a budget of $11 million per person, we can probably shackle together some kind of re-entry vehicle that can crash-land in Cambodia or Malaysia, or even North Korea (as long as it isn’t Australia, right?). While this is still just a pipedream, there is some hope for this simple ‘fire and forget’ solution to the ‘asylum seeker problem’, now that we actually have a Science Minister again, and are living in Malcolm Turnbull’s Age of InnovationTM. But for now, as far as sending people very far away so we can pretend that they don’t exist – that they are not actually sentient beings capable of feeling love, loss, fear, or suffering, that they are not human at all – then remote Pacific Islands are still probably the best choice we have for achieving maximum isolation and soul-crushing hopelessness for little more than $1 billion a year. There are other questions we could ask ourselves though: How much would it cost to process their asylum claims in Australia? Around $239,000 per person per year. And what about the costs of a bridging visa or community detention? About $40,000 per person per year. And what if we processed them a bit quicker? Say, instead of an average time in detention of 445 days, with almost a quarter being detained for more than 750 days, we processed claims in 30 days (average wait time in the US), or 25 days (average wait time in Canada). That would save a bit of money wouldn’t it? Perhaps the real question we should be asking ourselves is: Why are we doing this at all? What happened to “boundless plains to share”? How can we care so little about the incredible suffering we inflict on others for no tangible benefit whatsoever? Offshore detention achieves nothing for you, me, or those who are detained. Perhaps the only beneficiaries are the shady governments of the countries on whom we place this horrific burden. For over a decade we have stripped the humanity of those who need our help. We have demonised and demoralised and shaped a fallacious narrative that excuses the on-going persecution of those who flee persecution. Offshore detention happens in your name. And in my name. And it will continue to happen until we demand that it stops.

PERTH FACT COTTESLOE: COME FOR THE SUNSETS, STAY FOR THE CHEAP METH

WHY I WROTE 14 ARTICLES FOR ‘RETURN OF KINGS’ WORDS AND ART BY KATE PRENDERGAST

have a female friend who is obsessed with the vilest coagulations of misogyny the internet can give a URL to. Neomasculinist forums like Reddit’s Red Pill and websites like Return of Kings incense and fascinate her equally. She has confessed to spending hours trawling through pockets of sad, frustrated male’s violent effluvia, which is admirable but a little bit concerning, given how toxic (if hilarious) those spaces can be. Because awfulness is something that should be shared, like you share YouTube clips of “Natalie Portman’s laugh (extended)” or stories of how you once slept with an Irish perfume salesman, and because awareness is crucial in consolidating your own arguments and worldview, I decided to explore these digital caverns myself. Being the product of a hugely sheltered thirteenyear-straight single-sex private school experience (which I retrospectively find unnatural, usually confess with reluctance to others, and which probably delayed my sexual self-awareness by a few precious years), I probably wasn’t prepared for the muck I slopped into. There’s a certain kind of reassurance that comes with reading something that is unequivocally contemptuous. Where in other areas and articles, the underlying problematics can be much harder to pin down, separate and contest (socialism!), when you read an article which says raping your wife is just fine and gender equality a “political fiction”, you know when it comes to this fight for justice, the ground you’re on feels pretty damn solid underfoot. Although the hatred such sites champion can’t and shouldn’t be scoffed away, their very surface-level extremism makes them childish. They’re like one clumsily-wrapped package of reactionary dicks for a feminist’s (that’s male or female yo) (in)convenient discovery and dismay. As said friend pointed out, Return of Kings (ROK) – a blog founded by ‘pick-up artist’ Roosh – is notable for the ways in which

it tries to establish itself as a legitimate journalism outlet. In between articles like ‘40 Pictures That Show The Decline Of Women’ and ‘Why Vladimir Putin May Be The Last Guardian Of Traditional Values’ (“This will help you see through the West’s propaganda”) is lodged ‘7 Pieces Of Beautiful Classical Music For Beginners’ and ‘4 Tips To Make Moving To A New City A Lot Easier’ – relatively innocuous faff, otherwise found on the blog of a dull person. Anger and mischief conspired: seeing that anonymous submissions were welcome and that satire is dead, I decided to infiltrate the den. My motive was piqued after reading on the ‘Contact’ page that under ROK’s ‘house rules’, it was mandatory for American females writing in to submit an image of themselves too.

With every morning as I opened Gmail came the yearning for the approval of my ideological enemies From an aggregate review of ROK’s most regular format and style of articles, I knew that so long as my submission was a) organised as a listicle despite being b) smugly intellectual with lots of lofty man musings c) referenced both ancient history (esp. Latin) and baseball terminology and d) was laced with underlying insecurity, my chances of the article being accepted were pretty good. So, after putting tossing up ‘10 Ways My Life Improved After I Killed My Wife’s Cat’, ‘4 Household Appliances Invented Only for Women’ and ‘5 Stationary Items You Should Avoid if You Want to Be an Alpha at Work’, I settled on a 400-word article called ‘How Gator Hunting Saved My Masculinity’. For my pseudonym, I chose Thomas Wilson – the name of the actor who plays Biff Tannen in Back to the Future, and created

the Gmail account t.wilson.almighty@ gmail.com to match. The first paragraph as follows. We keep saying it; we all know it. Progressive liberalism and the warped logic of ‘gender equality’ are leading to the decline of modern man. Once we used to walk the earth as a proud race – exercising our will and discipline over land, woman and beast without need for restraint. In civilizations past, everything was our battleground, and our bodies grew taught and lean with the power of it. Yet take a walk through the city central today, and what you see is a painful travesty of that history. At every corner, on every bench, you find yourself confronted with limp, silly, Gollum-like creatures; not men, but cringeworthy imitations of men. Typically, they’ll either be huddled over their laptop screens trying to decide what new trinket to buy their whore, or wondering if they have enough chicken salt on their deep-fried chips. I could have also been this way. I could have been the object of my own rightful contempt. I’d say but for the grace of God; but what I have to say here is: “but for the Grace of Gator”. I waited. The weeks went by. I became anxious. I hadn’t degraded women enough! I started churning out new articles at a terrific pace. With every morning as I opened Gmail came the yearning for the approval of my ideological enemies. The balance between obvious mockery (and hence no longer flying under the ROK radar) and over-cautious subtlety (such that articles would become indistinguishable from the rest of the nonsense and even perpetuate harm) tilted more and more towards the latter. I wrote an article called ‘What to Do if Hillary Gets Office’, followed by ‘How to Celebrate if Hillary Gets Assassinated’. I thought ‘How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Guns’ was maybe a bit too highbrow, not to mention a blemish on a good a Kubrick reference. Trying to be relevant, I blamed the wife of the former Icelandic PM for

PERTH FACT NEXT MONTH, TRANSPERTH WILL BEGIN TRIALLING FREE ON -BOARD COCKTAIL BARS

his downfall, whose offshore account was one of those exposed in the Panama Papers. It was when the thought popped into my mind of writing a sneering piece about the sexist and racist abuse against Greens MP Jenny Leong by NSW Police over social media that I stopped. Enough. Somewhere in my quest to infiltrate ROK, my whole sneaky fugitive feminist agenda was perverted, as my need to be validated by (the most awful of) men took precedent. “They infiltrated you by ignoring you,” one friend observed. It was true: desperation had made of me a monster. In a dark mirror of a more insidious version of the patriarchy still at work within our society, I had parroted and even internalised the voice of the traditional male; for it is only under that condition that acknowledgement and visibility are typically won. In the end however, ROK will never make its dubious addition to my portfolio of work. Whether because ROK submissions are a lie and the site’s editors just rotate their own stable of writers, or my content didn’t quite cut the standard or style, or they never bought my cover from the first, no article ever made it online. Even though my mind still reads this fact as failure, I know for a fact I’d be doing myself a service to be relieved.

HORROR SCOPES DIVINITY BY JANEY HAKANSON ART BY HOLLY JIAN

Supernatural advice for the student bodies.

ARIES

Your one true love will betray you with a werewolf doing honours in commerce.

TAURUS

Social justice festival is actually a secret plot to harvest organs. Cable tie all your clothing to your body if you must attend.

GEMINI

So the Easter zombie incident didn’t turn into an apocalypse. Cheer up. The botanical greenhouses have some Triffids that could be hungry enough to release over the non-teaching week.

CANCER

Pluto’s inhabitants have discovered your lair. Forget Keith.

LEO

Pay close attention to the words of peacocks. If one should squawk “Vice Chancellor”, commence operation body snatcher.

VIRGO

The ghost in Woolnough Lecture Theatre is displeased with you for laughing out loud at cat memes during class. Appease them with the still-beating heart of the next student who is late.

LIBRA

Jupiter has unbalanced the galactic harmony. Best refill your pockets with teeth.

SCORPIO

May will bring the new moon into your planetary arena. Go on holiday somewhere with less sparkly brooding first years, and plenty of UV.

SAGITTARIUS

Even cultists have to take exams. Quietly chanting “iaa iaa chthulhu fthagn” from the back row has been shown to improve grades, especially in law units.

CAPRICORN

You notice eerie chalk markings in the drained moat. Seek out your metaphysical philosophy professor, as only she has the power to reverse the spells of the demon spawn tradies and keep the Reid Library safe.

AQUARIUS

Can’t sleep? Clowns may be under your bed. Student Central have a form for that.

PISCES

WORDS BY BELLA MORRIS

Thursdays aren’t going to stop soon. Is your microwave unplugged?

PERTH FACT WRITE ENOUGH PERTH FACTS AND I GET A JOB AT PERTH NOW

SCIENCE, RELIGION AND ART THROUGH THE AGES WORDS BY LEONA MPAGI

alley’s comet is arguably the most famous comet in history. It is what is known as a ‘periodic comet’, visible from Earth every estimated semi sesquicentennial (that’d be every 75 years). 1986 was the last time that it was seen passing by, thus the current prediction is that it will return in 2061 (if you’re young enough, be sure to jot that down in your calendar). Edmund Halley spent the greater deal of his latter life examining pre-existing reports of a comet approaching Earth. These apparitions occurred in 1531, 1607 and 1682. Edmund deduced from these events that this astronomical apparition witnessed was the very same comet every time. On the basis of this assumption, he hypothesised that this very comet would in fact reappear in the year of 1758. Albeit, Edmund didn’t make it to 1758 in order to confirm his hypothesis, as he died in 1742. Nevertheless, he did receive some well-deserved recognition for his work as this ‘periodic comet’ came to be named after him. The discoveries of Edmund Halley, along with the preceding ‘revolutionary thinkers’ from the early renaissance, led artists of that era to start thinking about the portrayal of the heavens in post-medieval art in an astronomically different way (pun definitely intended). Going back in time to the beginning of the 14th century and to a certain artist by the name of Giotto di Bondone, we can already find significant changes in the way that art and science intertwined. The reason behind this was the very same comet seen by Halley, the passing of which Bondone also witnessed in 1301. Following the glorious wonder that was before him at the turn of the century, Bondone painted a flaming comet in lieu of the traditional Bethlehem star in his portrayal of the renowned biblical scene of the Three Wise Men bearing gifts for

the newly-born baby Jesus. Completing it in 1306, he named it the Adoration of Magi.

di Bondone, Giotto, The Adoration of Magi (1305-06). Fresco. Scrovegni Chapel, Padua, Italy. Following these realistic depictions of the heavens, other artists soon followed suit in bringing science into their art, resulting in a way of painting that moved away from the Byzantine style and embraced the humanistic approach. One very accomplished medieval painter and architect that followed suit was Taddeo Gaddi. One of his most wellknown works is the fresco The Angelic Announcement to the Shepherds, painted for the Baroncelli Chapel in Florence, Italy between 1332 and 1338. Gaddi was renowned for his fascination with how light affected his artistic compositions. This resulted in the creation of a nocturnal fresco, warmed with soft light beaming down on an angel, creating an awakening glow for the depicted world below. This fascination turned out to be a blessing in disguise, with Gaddi later suffering a partial loss of eyesight as a result of gazing directly into a solar eclipse during his adult life. Whilst his confessor attributed his fate to living ‘a sinful life’, we’re more inclined to thinking it just a fatal irony, and a lack of public material on optical health circulating during the 14th century.

Succeeding Gaddi, various artists – from the likes of the Limbourg brothers, Vincent van Gogh and Joan Miró (to just name a few) – emerged with this new style of painting. In the centuries that followed, the style evolved and popularised. The Limbourg brothers brought a certain nuance to the International Gothic style with their ‘Book of Hours’ – an illuminated manuscript that is still considered to be the manuscript of greatest importance originating from the 15th century. Named Trés Riches Heures du Duc de Berry, this richly-decorated work was commissioned by the brothers’ patron Jean Duc de Berry in 1412. Alas the brothers, along with the duke, did not live to see its completion due to their untimely deaths (it was plague season). However, French artist Jean Colombe picked up where the brothers had left off, completing the ‘Book of Hours’ in 1489. It is full of depictions of the day-and-night-time sky along with the days, months and appropriate astrological signs clearly visible above the paintings.

Limbourg brothers, Trés Riches Heures du Duc de Berry (1412-16). Illuminated manuscript.

PERTH FACT EARLY DUTCH EXPLORERS NAMED THE BLACK SWAN THE “VERBOTEEPOOTEN” OR “EVIL TEAPOT”

Moving forward a few hundred years, the eminent painter Lodovico Cardi, better known as Cigoli (the name of his birthplace at Villa Castelvecchio di Cigoli in Tuscany) brought his own interpretation to the new way of thinking occurring in the art world at the time. It was 500 years ago as it is now: connections are everything. And a very important connection that Cigoli had was with Galileo Galilei – the astronomer, the physicist, the philosopher; the overall medieval Jack of all trades.

stone, emitting borrowed rather than immanent light. In his letter to Cigoli, Galileo claimed that the naked eye “sees only length and width and never thickness…We know of depth, not as a visual experience per se and absolutely but only be accident and in relation to light and darkness. And all this is present in painting no less than sculpture. . . . But sculpture receives lightness and darkness from nature herself whereas painting receives it from Art.” Cigoli, who Galileo considered to be one of the greatest painters in existence, took these findings to heart. In 1612, he brought Galileo’s literature into the artistic world after being commissioned to paint a fresco in the dome of the Pauline Chapel in Santa Maria Maggiore. The fresco was to be of the Virgin Mary “clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet”.

Cigoli, Ludovico, Assumption of the Virgin (1612) Section of Fresco. Pauline Chapel, Santa Maria Maggiore, Italy. A major player in the scientific revolution, Galileo struck up a correspondence with his old pal Cigoli about his recent discoveries through his telescope. Contained within these was his newlyformed theory about the moon and its indisputable ‘imparity’. In other words, he brought forward the idea that the Moon was not, in fact, a completely smooth radiating orb, but a dusty, misshapen

Armed with Galileo’s discoveries from two years earlier, Cigoli chose to depict the moon as a cratered, asymmetrical object riddled with imperfections and dark shades. This however drew religious ire. Rather than celebrating Galileo’s progressive idea of a crumpled lunarscape, to the ruling Christian powers, his hypotheses bordered on the heretical. A celestial symbol long associated with purity and virginity, the claim that it was a cold bit of misshapen rock was a spanner in the works to Christian symbology. As a consequence, this very different portrayal of this classical biblical scene could no longer be considered ‘Immaculate’ The Vatican, wary of heresy, hence changed the painting’s title from the original Virgin of the Immaculate Conception to Assumption of the Virgin.

between science and art, forming a sort of combined entity between the two. But of course, it was but one catalyst to the development of art in some cultures. SKA’s recent Indigenous Art/Astronomy Exhibition Shared Sky showed the collaborative artwork of Indigenous Australian and South African artists and their "understanding of the world developed across countless generations observing the movements of the night sky". In highlighting the abundance of ancestral wisdom and culture, the exhibition sets out to tell a powerful story of Indigenous art and knowledge; with the two countries located at roughly the same latitude, the astrological portrayals of their ancestors truly do emanate from a ‘shared sky’. This exhilarant international exhibition is a contemporary homage to the infinite link between science and art. Drawing on the astrological depictions of their ancestors, the exhibition showed a modern approach to how astrology in art is open-ended and – moreover – universal.

Shared Sky The SKA’s Indigenous/Astronomy Exhibition (2015).

Halley’s comet has thus arguably turned out to be a significant component to art as we now know it. It helped bridge the gap

PERTH FACT NEW AT MAYLANDS IGA: YOUR OWN PLACENTA

Heavenly Bodies WORDS BY CAZ STAFFORD ART BY HAYDEN DALZIEL

Ever tried watching some way-out Sci-fi and just couldn’t focus because none of the characters were hot enough? I know you, you’re keener than a Klingon before parmaqqaypu. Well here are some gorgeous space captains that will have you going hand-solo all night long. JEAN-LUC PICARD - STAR TREK Tea: earl grey hot. A man of sophistication and taste. Though his head might look like a scrotum, and he might not be the most laid-back, he has earned the respect of his crew with manly hand-to-hand combat and some very personal diplomatic relations strategy. He can throw it back with the best of them, and get down on the holodeck. I hope you’ve got some shore leave coming up commander, because I’m ready to ‘cling-on’. Make it so.

KHAN NOONEIN SINGH - STAR TREK Old or new this hot slice of evil comes in many forms. We screamed his name the first time, and he’s still making us scream his name the second time around. I don’t want to seem like a Khan sympathizer, but I don’t blame him for turning bad. Man, you look good in all that black. Just knowing how well he knows an engine makes me wonder how good those fingers are. I’d like to be on the receiving end of his wrath. Khaaaan. CAROLYN FRY - PITCH BLACK

HAN SOLO - STAR WARS He may look like a scruffy nerf-herder, but Han Solo has a rugged bad boy charm that could outlast any stint in carbonite. We’re not sure he ever washes that vest, and his interspecies ‘bromance’ with Chewbacca raises the odd eyebrow, this guy can take you from zero to lightspeed in under 16 parsecs. Have a firm hand with this rebel scum – there’s a rumour he always shoots first.

Baby I’m sorry you crash-landed, but you crash landed right in to my heart. Bob plastered to the nape of her neck, toiling in the hot sun to rescue her crew and save her ship, this damsel might be in distress but she sure does handle it well. Unknown enemies in night, junkie comrades and a sexy sexy prisoner (Vin Diesel, classic 2000s space heart throb antihero), and she never loses her cool. With her there’s no reason to be afraid of the dark. FAYE - COWBOY BEEPBOB

TURANGA LEELA -FUTURAMA With this fine fit femme you’d better be ready for some serious eye contact. And full body contact while she’s wrestling you to the ground with some kick-ass space martial arts. She’s got a soft and caring side too, just watch out for her pet ‘Nibbler’. This space is worth going the extra mile for, because she’s got a special delivery just for you – her heart. ZAPHOD BEEBLEBROX – HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY You might be the dimmest star in some galaxies, but baby you shine bright in my sky. Who can say no to that incredible charm, a heart of gold, and those teeth. Worst dressed man in the universe? I think you mean ‘wears most velvet’. Is that a bad thing? Hey, let me just say: 2 mouths, 3 hands… All looking for your ‘nagrathea’. It’s true: blondes really do have more fun.

I don’t mind if she’s 2-dimensional, she’s all sass to me. I don’t judge her on her slightly shady life choices, or her gold mini-shorts. Maybe she’s selfish, maybe she ate dog food to spite a hungry corgi. Survival of the fittest, and damn is she fit. Despite street thugs and some plot-convenient amnesia, she grows to love the crew she flies with. This tough girl really just wants to find herself and I’m more than ready to help her out. See ya later, space cowboy.

PERTH FACT PELICAN BEGAN AS AN ANTI-BOER PROPAGANDA LEAFLET IN 1902

ART BY GABBY LOO

Clara Seigla Clara Seigla is a filth wizard from the deep south and is currently subsisting on a diet of peanut butter, dried bees, and hair. Occasionally reaching into the ĂŚther, Clara vibrates their uvula by dampening and undampening their larynx, calling forth computers, dried blood, faecal matter, pus, and occasionally actual art supplies. With these simple tools Clara aims to shit out content as unenthusiastically as they can. Clara is averse to most things and holds the belief that exposition is the death of art. Except in movies. I mean, have you seen David Fincherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work? Roll yourself in chum and throw your aching, lonely carcass into the sea, here: facebook.com/tratakataka/ Or haunt catholic priests by sending them misleading messages from God, here: tratakataka@gmail.com Ha-cha-chah.

WORDS BY JESSICA COCKERILL ART BY TAYLOR BROWN

What happens when you take a plant, with all its evolutionary strategies for survival, and put it in a totally novel environment? That is what the University of Florida’s Space Plants Lab has sought to find out. Despite their usually sessile nature (i.e. they’re not known to roam about too much), plants have been space explorers since 1971, when Russian astronauts Patsayev and Volkov grew flax plants aboard Salyut 1, the first space station sent into orbit. Since then, over fifteen different plant species – mainly food crops – have been grown in space. The Space Plants Lab works with the first species that ever flowered off earth, Arabidopsis thaliana, to find out how plants respond to conditions in outer space. Space plant scientist Dr Anna-Lisa Paul explains A. thaliana “is the ‘model organism’ for plants”. Using it in their experiments allows them to compare their work with other research conducted by botanists, both in space and on the ground. “[It’s] a good ‘spaceflight organism,” Dr Paul says. “It is small, so you can grow a lot in a small space, and it has a rapid life cycle so you can grow a complete developmental profile (seed

to seed) in just a couple of months. In addition, the genome has been completely sequenced, which makes it easy to evaluate the molecular responses of the plants.” Dr Paul stays firmly on the ground while the A. thaliana seeds get sent up to the ISS to grow under an artificial light source. The seeds germinate in a nutrient gel on petri plates, as soil and zero-gravity don’t exactly pair well. After twelve days, they are harvested, preserved, and returned to Florida for tests. “We have found that although plants grow quite well in the microgravity of the spaceflight environment, they know they are there, and adjust their physiology to cope with this novel environment,” Dr Paul says. “Growing plants in microgravity allows you to see into their natural processes to reveal nuances of their physiology and growth strategies that are normally masked by growing in the gravity of Earth. For instance, a plant behavior called ‘root skewing’ was long thought (since the days of Darwin, who first described this phenomenon) to be reliant on gravity, but we saw that plant roots also skew in orbit, revealing that this root behavior is an inherent feature of plant growth.” In an article for The Conversation, Dr Paul points out that if we ever hope to achieve space colonization, it will be crucial that we understand how plants fare off planet before relying on them to recycle our air and water and supplement our food. Sadly, self-sustaining space colonies are probably still just a distant dream. “It would take technology currently not available in terms of being able to support the volume and resources that would be required to sustain enough plants and natural recycling systems to stably provision a community,” Dr Paul says. In the International Space Station, experiments with plants like Dr Paul’s haven’t just provided findings in agriculture, but also psychology, with astronauts exhibiting strong emotional connections to their plants. As NASA’s Veggie Experiment team leader Gioia Massa said: “The farther and longer humans go away from earth, the greater the need to be able to grow plants for food, atmosphere recycling and psychological benefits.” Dr Paul is optimistic that some day her research will aid such efforts, as well as concerns back home. “The more we learn about how to be efficient in managing power, and conserving and recycling our resources, the better planetary citizens we become.”

PERTH FACT I SAW YOUR DAD ON TINDER HEY

WORDS WITH ALANNAH MACTIERNAN INTERVIEW BY BRADLEY GRIFFIN

Former UWA student and current ALP member for the federal seat of Perth since 2013, Alannah MacTiernan has lived and served at the local, state and federal level in Australian politics. This February, she announced she would not be recontesting her seat at the next federal election. MacTiernan talks with Brad Griffin on her time within the ALP ranks, her key battles, and what it means and what it takes to be a woman occupying a powerful leadership role in a field still disproportionately represented by men. Oh, and a bit on Elizabeth Quay too. BG: So let’s start off with talking about your time in state politics – things you’re proud of, things you could have done better, and the factors that ultimately led to your decision to resign to contest Canning in 2010. AM: I was there for 17 years, got involved in a whole range of areas, and had the opportunity to really make some major changes and contribute to making the state and our communities a better place. Everybody knows about building the Mandurah rail line, but we always saw that as an urban shaping project, not just a railway line. We did a lot more than that in every major town – thinking “what is it we can do in this town to really turn around its economic fortunes?” With places like Geraldton we put together a whole suite of projects – including deepening the harbour and pulling up the old railway line to develop a direct railroad link into the town that transformed it into a much more liveable place. In terms of the transport and planning agenda, we made a big effort to achieve a cultural change within the government agencies aimed at getting them to understand the sustainability issues and letting them know that these were real priorities for government. We wanted real stuff and I think that was enthusiastically embraced. Unfortunately I think when we left a lot of that went backwards. BG: So what were the key factors that motivated you to contest Perth in 2013? AM: Well the primary one was concern over the direction where a person like Tony Abbott might take this country – particularly his approach on climate change. It was just so deeply appalling that in this day and age we would have a leader of this country who didn’t actually fundamentally understand how serious the problem was and is. Now, there’s always going to be a problem about whether or not people have got the political courage to do what is necessary to deal with this problem, but at least you’ve got to recognise there’s a problem. The fact that you had this person that was prepared to put this to his own political advantage, and who seemed to me to have no moral interest in taking the country forward – it was about politics as a blood sport. I wanted to do what I could to stop the march of ‘Abbottism’. BG: Do you think Turnbull is taking more of a serious approach to climate change?

AM: I think clearly he is a different calibre of human being – he’s not a psychopath. I think it is deeply disappointing that he has not been prepared to make any radical changes in policy. There’s certainly a difference in tone, and that in itself is important – but it’s not enough. You really do have to have the guts to say we need to do stuff differently; and unbelievably it’s still official Liberal policy to dismantle the remaining architecture of our climate change response that we know Turnbull actually believes in, like the Clean Energy Finance Corporation. So he’s clearly not doing enough. I don’t think that the demise of Abbott is the end of history, but at least it’s not the same craziness. BG: I want to ask you about being as woman in politics. To what extent do you think sexism at a state and federal level is still holding back female politicians, and what’s your experience of

PERTH FACT PAUL JOHNSON IS THE ADMIN OF CONFESSIONS AT UWA

POLITICS

this? AM: To some extent being a female has been an advantage for me. I think there have been aspects of affirmative action that have helped me get pre-selection, not because I wouldn’t have got it on merit, but that it’s helped break down the ‘boys’ club’. Women did well in local government first because we didn’t have to fight your way through a club, and I think there’s no doubt that people see merit in people who are like them and present like them so, that’s why I think steps like affirmative action have been necessary to make a real difference to really get to a point where the merit of women has to be appreciated. I don’t believe affirmative action elevates women who are less meritorious; it means that people have to start recognizing that they’ve got to put women in. BG: So what about a 50/50 quota?

I don’t believe affirmative action elevates women who are less meritorious; it means that people have to start recognizing that they’ve got to put women in

AM: It’s a very interesting development, and I think it’s probably a good one; but it does mean that the party has to be prepared to go out, support women, and encourage a wide variety of women and be prepared to tolerate diversity of style and diversity of perspective. BG: What words of advice would you have for women who are thinking of entering politics, and in terms of breaking down the ‘club’? AM: Well first of all you have to be sure that you’ve got the skills and the knowledge to bring something to the table – just being a woman is not going to be enough. I would urge people, if you are serious about getting into politics, you must not just mix with a narrow social band. It is incredibly important to have a broad understanding of the community and acquire a range of skills in terms of knowledge of how our economy works, how our society works, what the big issues are. Enthusiasm is not enough; it has to be backed up with skills and experience. Work in the public and private sectors, and bring a wealth of diverse experiences to politics. BG: Could you shed some light on your decision not to recontest Swan at the next election? AM: If I had had the opportunities I’ve had in the past three years earlier on in my political career I would have been incredibly excited and invigorated by it, but I’m not going to be around federal parliament for ten years and for the sort of personal sacrifice that taking on the job involved, I felt that for this point in my life I needed to be doing more than I was doing. We don’t have any responsibility for substantial policy areas and I felt that I couldn’t do the job with the enthusiasm that one should.

propose an alternative? Do you think it’s representative of the state? AM: I have supported the development of the Perth waterfront – we had indeed planned a similar thing and committed financially to it, and I think that we have to acknowledge that the Barnett government changed that somewhat, but there was much of the fundamental concept of developing a high energy space right in the heart of the city on the waterfront. But I cannot believe in this day and age that we would want to call our prime 21st century redevelopment after an ageing British monarch. It doesn’t encapsulate what Western Australia is about and what the vision for the 21st century is, and it makes you think you know there’s some powerful semiotics in this that, have we got a leadership that are really focusing on where we’re going? I find it extraordinary – it’s embarrassing in Barnett’s attempt to ingratiate himself. BG: I’ve been talking with quite a few people about a proposed different name for it, and we’ve come up with Derbarl Yerrigan. AM: The name of the river. BG: Yeah exactly, Derbarl Yerrigan Quay, would you support that? AM: Well I do believe that there should be a name change, and I would like to see us have a really genuine community consultation about it, rather than it being ‘me’ saying what I think. Ultimately a decision would have to be made, but I think it would be very interesting to have a real community dialogue about what it could be called, and I think Derbarl Yerrigan is giving recognition to the name as part of the Swan River. This is being said, it’s not being disrespectful to the queen – but the whole zeitgeist of our country is about equal opportunity for all and to me monarchy is the most inappropriate symbol. BG: So as you know I’m representing Pelican Magazine. What experiences with pelicans have you had before, both of the print and avian variety? AM: The avian variety? BG: Yeah, big ol’ birds. Had any bad experiences? AM: No I’ve always felt extremely happy when I see pelicans. BG: Really? AM: No I do, I do. BG: They’re very majestic. AM: They are very majestic, there’s a sort of wickedness about them, you know you bring to your experience of a pelican all these stories from children’s literature. I think it’s amazing when you’re driving up to UWA, and often you’ll see the pelicans sitting on the top of the lightpole. And it just tells you that birds are truly incredible, how they have adapted to the urban environment and learnt to live with human beings and with our infrastructure. But I’m very pro pelican; no bad experiences. BG: Plans for the future, Alannah? What’s next? AM: None really, at the moment. None really. We’re just sort of going to sprint to the finish line and then we’ll see what happens then.

Elizabeth Quay. What do you think of the name, and would you

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B RE X I T :

DAVID ROLLS THE DICE WORDS BY LEAH ROBERTS ART BY PATRICK BENDALL

n engaging with some fellow international students in Amsterdam I posed them this question: “Have you heard that the UK might be leaving the Eurozone?” An American then replied, “But UK isn’t in Europe it’s like, Britain…” Although to many other American students this seemed like a normal response, to many of my European friends it raised a critical question: what is the future of the UK in the European Union? On the 23rd of June the people of the United Kingdom will make the decision whether Britain should stay in the EU or leave. If they decide the latter then it would be the first time in the EU’s history that a country done so. Despite being an immensely important member of the EU, they have also been a major source of tension. The source of this referendum is pressure from Eurosceptic backbenchers in the government that David Cameron seeks to appease. Some Conservatives fear losing seats to UKIP on the issue. Despite being reportedly quite reluctant and strongly preferring the UK’s place in the EU, Cameron has taken the bitter pill and called a referendum. It may be that he has called it early while support is not high enough in order to head off a later, more successful challenge – which is what happened with the Scotland referendum of 2014. There are many forces agitating for a swift Brexit and they make numerous arguments. The first argument of the proBrexiters is the membership fee. In 2015 this amounted to £8.5b – 7% of what the government spends on the National Health Scheme. With increasing calls to slash the NHS in favour of privatisation and user costs, this is a hefty price. The open immigration policy of the EU has caused much strain in British politics and society. This refers to not only refugees but also people from other European states. The Schengen Agreement – a core

part of EU membership – allows open borders, and has resulted in substantial increases in immigration to Britain from Eastern and Southern Europe. Views over the benefits of such large immigration are mixed. Pro-EU commentators have suggested “the recent pace of immigration has led to some difficulties in service provision but the overall net effect has been positive”. Pro-Brexit advisers however suggest that exiting means Britain can “regain control of its borders” and that the British government should set the rule. Investment is another key factor. ProEU commentators argue that Britain’s reputation for being one of the world biggest finance centres would be diminished, as it would no longer act as a gateway for US and European financial markets and banks. There are also fears that leaving the EU would result in scaling back or ending production of UK vehicles, as they would no longer be exported taxfree to the mainland, hurting British jobs and further weakening heavy industry. Both these consequences would result in huge losses. On the other hand, British bank Barclays argue that the exit would create the collapse of the European project and investors would turn to the UK as a safe place to invest, boosting the pound sterling. Exiting would also play a factor in changing the job growth rate. Some argue that there are millions of jobs connected with the EU that would be lost and the loss of trade and investment caused by a Brexit would put all of those in jeopardy. The former Marks and Spencer Chief Executive argues that leaving may result in a wage increase for the workers but would negatively affect the business. Some argue that a drop in immigration would mean for more jobs for people in the UK. The problem with this argument is that it could create a labour shortage – limiting the UK’s ability to choose from top candidates in Europe along with the ability for people from the UK to work abroad.

Security

another

huge

factor,

particularly in light of recent attacks in Paris and Brussels. Pro-Brexit supporters argue that the UK is “leaving a door open to terrorist attacks” as they cannot check and control people. Interestingly, dozens of senior military figures including former Chiefs of Defence staff say that the EU is an important pillar of the UK’s security especially in times of instability in the Middle East and the potential threat of Russia. Pro-Brexit campaigners rebut this by saying these relations with the EU would not simply cease with Britain’s exit, and that argument is inconsequential. The UK remains divided on the issue of staying within the EU, though signs seem to point to a narrow victory for the pro-EU camp.

Beneficially, fear of the

UK leaving has lead to negotiations to secure stability of its position within the supranational organisation. This could however set a dangerous precedent, such that other nations may make similar yet less legitimate threats of departure to leverage their importance against gaining better condition within the EU. These are uncertain times, and a breakup of the stable EU with its progressive principles could signal a wider destabilisation of Europe, with ‘peace’ ever more precarious.

PERTH FACT UWA MEN’S BATHROOM GRAFFITI HAS ONCE AGAIN MADE THE UNESCO WORLD HERITAGE SITE LIST

POLITICS

NOT-SO-SAFE SCHOOLS WORDS BY JASMINE RUSCOE ART BY CLARE MORAN (more_ankles)

ustralia’s approach to LGBT+ issues has always been a conservative one. Homosexuality, for example, was illegal until the 1970s – punishable by death in Victoria until 1949 – and even today, the age of consent for homosexual relationships is still higher than for heterosexual ones in some states. Then there is of course our stubborn resistance to marriage equality, despite the developments last year in the infamously ‘redneck’ United States and the 97% Catholic Republic of Ireland. Such conservatism being the status quo and tending to affect only a minority went largely unchecked until recently, when LGBT+ friendly anti-bullying program ‘Safe Schools’ came under attack. This attack, and the Turnbull Government’s response to it, is the most recent example in a worrying trend giving legitimacy and power over LGBT+ issues to the oft-homophobic conservative right. In the Safe Schools debate, this conservative faction uses the language of ‘appropriateness’. They took issue with links on the program’s website to underwear stores selling trans-friendly materials such as binders, which relieve stress and discomfort by helping transgender students more closely resemble the genders with which they identify. Sexualising these objects – calling them “pornographic” and “sado-masochistic,” and claiming they are “encouraging kids to disfigure their bodies,” speaks to an ignorance and even disgust amongst Safe Schools opponents toward the primary beneficiaries of the program to which they are opposed. Such an attitude is symptomatic of the belief, rampant in this debate, that LGBT+ issues are inherently more ‘adult’ than their non-LGBT+ equivalents. This is evident in the restriction of Safe Schools’ material to high schools and the requirement of explicit parental permission for some materials, despite them having been deemed appropriate for the general curriculum by an independent Government-ordered investigation.

Restricting the program in this way presents problems by potentially forcing students to ‘out’ themselves to their school or parents if they wish to access certain materials. This creates a lot of pressure, especially if they are only questioning, and can potentially endanger some students. This runs contradictory to the program’s original purpose, which was to reduce mental illness, self-harm and suffering amongst LGBT+ youth. The restrictions are also somewhat vague; for example, eliminating discussion of “sexual technique”. Given that the Governmentordered investigation found existing material suitable – not too explicit, as many opponents feared – one has to wonder what this might cover that is worth removing. Does talking about safe

sex not involve some discussion of “technique”? Don’t queer kids need and deserve normalised access to information about safe sex? It’s not just LGBT+ kids who suffer either. Restricting this already voluntary and highly flexible program contributes to a less diverse and accepting society that, although it sounds cheesy, is bad for us all. If a child is old enough to call somebody a f*ggot, whether they are 7 or 17, they are old enough to learn that it’s not okay to do so. That’s straight-up decency and logic. Valentine’s Day activities, or dances, or comments about keeping ones hands to oneself, do not need to be heterosexist in nature, but staff running these activities may not even be aware of their exclusivity without resources like Safe Schools. Meanwhile, there are plenty of programs about less controversial inclusivity such as multiculturalism where uncomfortable, paranoid parents don’t get the right to object. Don’t get me wrong: it could definitely be worse. But it does not bode well for diversity or for LGBT+ Australians when the Government goes out of their way to order an investigation at the request of the conservative right, and then ignores said investigation when it does not find what they expect, and decimates a program that was only ever going to be funded until next year anyway. It does not bode well when parents, Premiers, educational professionals – including UWA’s own Emeritus Professor of Education, Bill Louden – and the LGBT+ community themselves, are ignored. It does not bode well when the likes of Nationals MP George Christensen, who likened Safe Schools to child grooming, and Liberal Senator Cory Bernadi, who accused it of “bullying and harassing students into conforming with… the Gay Agenda,” are the victorious ones. And they are. Of the changes, Bernadi proudly remarked; “effectively, gutting the program…is what I wanted at the end of the day.” If opponents of Safe Schools – who not-so-coincidentally tend to also oppose marriage equality – are as concerned as they say they are with providing a safe environment for kids, this should not be what they want. There’s nothing to be done about Safe Schools now, but especially in the face of the upcoming plebiscite on marriage equality, it’s worth being wary of whose opinions we are giving the most weight, and above all, remembering that school should be – actively made, if necessary – a safe space for everybody, no matter who they are or who they love.

PERTH FACT ST GEORGE’S CATHEDRAL HAS A SECRET CRYPT HIDING ST GEORGE’S LEFT NUT

FILM REVIEWS

BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE Director Zack Snyder Starring Starring Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams & Jesse Eisenberg I’ve been a constant supporter of the superhero genre since the Toby McGuire Spiderman movies. I think they offer tremendous potential to share and enjoy collective stories and add weight to the massive political controversies we face in our time. Say what you will about how

EMBRACE OF THE SERPENT Director Ciro Guerra Starring Nilbio Torres, Antonio Bolívar, Jan Bijvoet & Brionne Davis Shot on location in the Columbian Amazon, Academy Award nominee Embrace of the Serpent is a hypnotic, deeply-considered

Marvel is ‘ruining’ movies by making everything part of a franchise, but I honestly do believe that in movies like Winter Solider you can see the good in the genre, where its western iconic stature is used to take a bold stance against the implications of government surveillance.

as well as a set-up for the future Justice League movie Zack Snyder is clearly out of his depth, because at 2 and ½ hours, the screenplay was hacked to the fucking bone. Scenes are stitched together with no flow from one to the next, many without even an establishing shot.

Then there are films like Batman v Superman, which embody everything the critics despise about the genre. As I watched this bloated, horrific, slappedtogether mess on screen, I couldn’t help but feel like I had been cheated.

And then there’s the story, and this is where BvS’s failings become completely unforgivable. In a film with very many cringe-inducing plot points, the one that many reviewers groaned loudest over is one involving a literal jar of Lex Luthor’s piss. But I actually enjoyed it, because it was one of the very few moments of fun within a film where Batman straight-up murders people without remorse and Lois Lane almost gets tortured by a military leader in Northern Africa. Children excited to see DC heroes brought together on the big screen are going to exit the cinema very confused and very depressed – where a delightful summer blockbuster was expected, those poor souls were given instead an experience that more closely resembles an overly-long Tool music video. This film is the cinematic equivalent of ambient wrapped in a suicide note.

It’s impossible to not divorce my own knowledge of the situation Warner Brothers is facing from the actual movie itself. So many problems stem from the fact WB has bargained the next decade of cash-flow from this one investment. Multiple sequels are already in production. No-joke: right before the BvS title fight – when audience attention is at its highest – we’re given trailers to the next slew of films. It’s incredibly out of place, and strikes a completely different tone from the grimdark atmosphere Snyder’s obsessed with. This is the root of the problem: BvS has to simultaneously operate as a continuation of Man of Steel and a Batman origin story, and (unexpectedly) psychedelic film of cultural encounter, well-deserving of its plaudits by critics worldwide. The story tracks forward and dialogues between two timelines – one in 1909, the other 1940. Karamakate (Nilbio Torres), a native shaman and sole survivor of rubber barons’ brutal decimation of his tribe, is the recurring character across both. Chance finds him the guide of two European scientists: famed German botanist Theodor Koch-Grunberg (Jan Bijvoet), and 31 years later, American Richard Evans Schultes (Brionne Davis). Both were once-living explorers, and the film is loosely-inspired by the recovered field journals of each. One feverish with tropical disease, the other greed, Karamakate leads the men through the jungle in their search for the sacred yakruna plant. The production is without question the work of a serious filmmaker. Although the comparison is no doubt facile, Guerra in my mind figures as a sort of humanist Herzog, dedicated equally in his respect for the story and the people on whose behalf it is told. His commitment to respecting

REVIEW BY CAMERON MOYSES

and elevating land, people, and traditional knowledge and practice comes across strongly in multiple facets of production: following rigorous instruction, the Englishspeaking cast recite their lines convincingly in local dialect. Local tribes were consulted closely in the making, many given roles onscreen. The production crew gave care to leave as minimal impact as possible on the locations it captured – a rare and difficult thing. One recalls Fitzcarraldo in horror. All of this sincere investment towards authentic, meaningful storytelling pays off. In strangely shifting de-saturated images of rivers, villages, and the terrible results of colonial imposition, the film asks an audience besieged by stories of vicious cultural contact in its media, and impaired by colonial traces and neo-colonial systems in its present, to consider “other ways to be human.” Scenes stay in the mind long after. REVIEW BY KATE PRENDERGAST

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WORDS BY JAYMES DURANTE

should laud them with blind praise (after all, Alfred Hitchcock’s acerbic, subtextually queer Rope, the first film of its kind, was derided at the time of its release). Victoria, about an innocent waitress whose romantic curiosity sees her embroiled in some rather unadvisable late-night crime, uses the single take to increasingly attenuate tension throughout the film. What becomes noticeable is the burden that Schipper’s formal ambition bears upon the narrative flow. There are long stretches of movement — literally from one scene to the next— that make an argument for the necessity of cutting. Riddled with banalities between the high-octane set pieces of its second and third act, Victoria’s plight for technical bravado feels increasingly gimmicky. Sokurov’s Ark is the apotheosis of the onetake film — the perfect envelopment of form and poetry. Where Victoria revels in

tension and linearity, Russian Ark embraces temporal abstraction, eschewing narrative for intellect and sensation. Centuries of Russian history and art fold in on themselves

FILM

One-shot features are peaking. From Academy Awards victor Birdman to the underappreciated Iranian slasher Fish & Cat, it’s becoming increasingly clear that — gimmick or not — digital filmmaking is emboldening a new set of filmmakers to tackle the single-take film. By unplanned happenstance (or perhaps because a smart exec at Sharmill Films knows when to capitalize on a trend), two one-take features have made their way to independent screens in the last month. Sebastian Schipper’s heist thriller Victoria (not on Perth screens, soz, but look out for the DVD release) and Alexandr Sokurov’s 2003 masterpiece Russian Ark (playing Luna for a limited series of event screenings) exemplify the highs and lows of cinema’s most bombastic new genre. But just because one-take features are obviously impressive technical feats, that doesn’t mean we

as Sokurov restages the final moments of Tsarist Russia in a 96-minute steadicam shot that travels through the Winter Palace of the Hermitage Museum, bearing witness to decadence and malaise as it travels. But there’s a touch of the melancholy to its grandeur: we’re witnessing a reverie before a revolution. When the camera finally cuts, bloodshed and revolt will consume the dancing hordes, their present joy and impending doom balanced in a shot that’s movement is as delicate as a feather’s.

CULT CORNER WORDS BY CLARE TOONEN

WHITE DOG (1981) An aspiring American actress (Kristy McNichol) adopts a stray German shepherd after almost killing it with her car. However, unbeknownst to her, this cuddly canine is no Lassie – he’s been trained by his racist ex-owner to viciously attack black people. Find 90 minutes to spend on this pulpy B-movie from subversive auteur Samuel Fuller – it’s surprisingly enlightening. Set for release in 1981, it was shelved for a decade when its boldness gave Paramount cold feet, and when even the National Association for the Advancement of Coloured People (NAACP) stayed away, branding it ‘inflammatory’. Why was it misunderstood? White Dog is a difficult film to categorise; it can’t be

simply classified as either ‘pro’ or ‘anti’ racist (though it’s assuredly not the former). Rather, it’s a metaphorical, scathing attack on the teachings of hatred and a pessimistic investigation into whether or not such conditioned behavior can be unlearned; an idea that becomes even clearer in the second half of the film, when a black trainer (Paul Winfield) attempts conversiontherapy on the pooch. If anything, the film is entirely anti-human, and the doomed figure of the German shepherd simply serves to make us shamefully uncomfortable as it makes it clear that prejudice and bigotry are concepts found strictly within our own species. However, don’t let this deter you – White Dog remains nevertheless entertaining. It is a curious melting pot of tragic melodrama (complete with cartoonish dialogue), horror

and social parable – all saturated in Fuller’s trademark low-budget exploitation style. The best scene? It’s also the most chilling – where a kindly old man and his sweet granddaughters come looking for their lost family pet. You slowly realize he’s the redneck douchebag who trained the dog from puppyhood, and then a sinking feeling sets in as you realize that he’s undoubtedly instilled the same disgusting values into those cute grandchildren from birth. Seek it out. Get hold of the Criterion DVD if you can. It’ll make you realize what you’ve probably always known: dogs are better than people.

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PELICAN MIXTAPE 1. Player One – “Space Invaders” (Game Over) 2. The Microphones – “The Moon” (The Glow, Pt. 2) 3. Spacemen 3 – “I Love You” (Recurring) 4. Ozric Tentacles – “Space Between Your Ears” (Strangeitude) 5. Bowery Electric – “Deep Sky Objects” (Bowery Electric) 6. Duster – “Echo, Bravo” (Stratosphere) 7. Jimi Hendrix – “Third Stone From the Sun” (Are You Experienced) 8. Tim Buckley – “Star Sailor” (Starsailor) 9. Spiritualized – “Shine a Light” (Lazer Guided Melodies) 10. Frankie Cosmos – “Embody” (Affirms Glinting)

BADLANDS A year ago we accepted that Devilles Pad was gone for good, so let’s stop acting surprised that the Devil wasn’t resurrected in time for Easter. Instead, let’s embrace the fact that an exciting new live music venue, Badlands Bar, is about to open doors to the Perth public for the first time – because it looks like our nights in Northbridge won’t be restricted to a handful of hipster bars, a weird Irish pub and The Deen.

MUSIC

WORDS BY CATHERINA PAGANI

The Aberdeen St venue has changed significantly, with alterations primarily geared at improving the live music experience. The stage has nearly doubled in size, with the addition of a purpose-built green room and an improved sound desk with better mixing facilities. The beer garden will be refurbished, drink access at the bar will be easier and faster, and the kitchen will be serving red basket snacks. Badlands will host a diverse range of local, national and international acts, with the renovations meaning the venue can better accommodate larger touring acts. Following an Industry Night on 22 April, Karnivool is scheduled to play the first official public Badlands debut. The rock band – which formed in Perth in 1977 – was originally booked to play two nights at the venue, but due to popularity this has been extended to four days of consecutive Badlands performances, from 28 April to 1 May. Devilles fans are sure to mourn the removal of the beloved devil lady statues, the volcano, and the go-go cages, but significant elements of the old decor (stalactites/stalagmites/metal work) have been retained. The name ‘Badlands’ had been around since before Devilles closed, alongside discussions of the venue’s future. Referenced in numerous musical endeavours, a 1973 Terrence Malick film that launched the careers of Sissy Spacek and Martin Sheen, and a type of terrain which Wikipedia tells me is characterised by “a lack of a substantial regolith”, Badlands is also a national park in South Dakota featuring rock formations and pinnacles. Considering the cave-like rocky interior of the venue, it’s definitely an appropriate choice. While the 25+ age limit and dress code were officially done away with well before Devilles closed, these associations dogged the venue until its close. Neither will have continued relevance at Badlands. It isn’t aspiring to be Devilles 2.0, so think neither cocktail bar nor sit-down restaurant. The focus this time around is just indulging in great tunes in marvellous surrounds. Badlands will be open Friday and Saturday nights until 2am. Entry will be free after the bands have finished playing, with DJs bringing you into the late night hours.

PERTH FACT PELICAN EDITORS NEVER SLEEP, INSTEAD WAITING FOR A YEAR TO HIBERNATE IN NEW ZEALAND

HOPES AND EXPECTATIONS

WORDS BY BRIDGET RUMBALL ART BY HOLLY JIAN

ver since I was thirteen years old, I have been entangled in a passionate and turbulent love affair with British rock band Muse. Much like a long-term lover, I like to think I know the three piece band - consisting of singer/guitarist Matthew Bellamy, as well as drummer Dominic Howard and bassist Christopher Wolstenholme - relatively intimately. I can predict their changing setlists from concert to concert; I can recite the back history of every album, instrument and recording studio off the cuff; and I’m waiting patiently for the day that there comes a Britrock-themed Trivial Pursuit. I am unashamedly part of one of the most cynical yet dedicated fanbases in the world; a fanbase which will be celebrating especially hard during 2016. July 3rd of this year will mark the 10th anniversary of Black Holes and Revelations’ release in the UK. Referred to by the fanbase as ‘the politically charged spacey one’, Muse’s fourth official studio album was arguably ahead of its time. Up until 2006, Muse was most well known for their slightly whacky rock; previous albums Showbiz, Origin of Symmetry and Absolution attracted huge acclaim, several awards, and the occasional comparison to Radiohead. Revelations was a deliberate change in the band’s direction, an over-the-top space opera that drew elements from Queen, David Bowie and Pink Floyd. Original reviews from 2006 called the album “ridiculously and ambitiously pretentious” and “the Book of Revelations gone rock”; and with song titles like “Supermassive Black Hole” and “Knights of Cydonia”, who was to disagree.

It’s odd to expect a band to produce the same sort of music all of their career; in my opinion, restricting musicians’ creative license in light of consistent criticism is borderline criminal The problem? Ever since the release of Revelations, critics have been expecting a repeat performance. Muse have been pigeonholed into the ‘space’ genre, having only ever released two genuine spacey albums over their career (the other was The Resistance), and it’s damn frustrating. This isn’t so much like ‘second album syndrome’ but more a disillusioned disorder concerning the shifting directions of an artist/group/band. It’s odd to expect a band to produce the same sort of music all of their career; in my opinion, restricting musicians’ creative license in light of consistent criticism is borderline criminal. A group’s sound can’t just be defined by the themes and direction of their most successful album. This isn’t to say that artists can’t ever be criticised. Albums that are subsequent to a band’s ‘best work’ may just be shitty in comparison - it’s common knowledge that The 2nd Law (2012)

is the weakest link in the band’s discography. But what’s the problem with a musician moving away from their original genre, to something exciting and different? Why stop a band from exploring new thematic avenues and ultimately stunt their growth? A key example is within Muse’s spiritual predecessors, Queen. Both A Day at the Races and News of the World, despite containing some of the band’s best known hits, were received with mixed reviews simply because they didn’t quite follow the art-rock panache of A Night at the Opera. This non-uniform response ultimately enveloped the band for the next decade, as they released content that tried to live up to the prestige of their glorified predecessor. Almost forty years later, American pop group MGMT experienced the same trouble when releasing Congratulations, an album which changed the group’s direction towards Flaming Lips-esque levels of weird. Despite this, Congratulations garnered notoriety as a complete flop due to the lack of a second “Electric Feel”, or at least a second hit to prove the group’s decision to jump genres was justified. Even current ‘it’ band The 1975 are feeling this pressure; critics jumped to criticise the new sophomore sister to their lauded self-titled debut, ripping into the somewhat ambient change in direction the group have taken away from their ‘bouncy rock’ tradition. The group even wrote a song and directed a music video about it (“The Sound”); a self-referential memo that critics seemed to miss completely. Of course, it isn’t all bad - there are instances where changes in musical direction are in fact eaten up by critics as ‘bold’ and ‘refreshing.’ Muse haven’t gotten quite to this point yet; despite an almost twenty-year career, and despite their most recent release Drones “returning to their rock roots”, everyone still seems to be holding out for the space opera campiness of Revelations to return. Whether or not this will happen is yet to be seen; for now, however, it seems that musicians globally will remain slaves to their own musical legacies.

PERTH FACT THE COTTESLOE PYLON MISSES THE FEEL OF HUMAN TOUCH IN WINTER

WORDS BY EAMONN KELLY

On a scale, ascending by how cooked you need to be to actually enjoy this stuff: Baseline/sober: Bardo Pond – Bufo Alvarius Amen 28:19 (1995) Bardo Pond is a band from Philadelphia that formed in 1991. They make music categorised by droning guitars and thick walls of effects, while still maintaining the nuance that could be lost with the application of such effects. Bardo Pond probably make really good drug music – this debut studio album’s title references that one toad that people used to lick to get high. Aside from absolutely shredding the guitar, Bufo Alvarius Amen 28:19 also has a pretty solid drummer and identifiable bass register, which would be out there even on a shoegaze album. These guys know how to write hooks as well – songs such as “On a Side Street” or “Capillary River” will have you whistling for months. This is definitely an album to listen to alone or while relaxing. The last track in particular, the monolithic 28 minutes and 19 seconds “Amen” (go figure) is excellent for this purpose. Just stare at the ceiling fan man. Mildly buzzin’: Sleep – Jerusalem/Dopesmoker (1998/2003) The members of Sleep allegedly smoked a dangerous amount of weed in a motel room over a four-year period and out of that came the 63-minute single-track masterwork of stoner metal known as Dopesmoker. Obviously this didn’t fly too well with the label back in 1998 when the thing was initially pitched, so they were forced to cut it down to 52 minutes and into six parts (presumably in an attempt to make more money off of singles, which never materialised) and release it with a less provocative title: Jerusalem. Unhappy with the album’s release, Sleep dropped the label shortly after their promotional tour and worked on rereleasing the original cut, which eventually reached the public in 2003. Dopesmoker is probably the version of the album that Sleep wants you to hear, though both editions are worth investigating. Dopesmoker has some pretty kooky lyrics on it, telling the story of a caravan of stoners crossing the desert to the ‘Riff-Filled Land’, with tonnes of references to marijuana and biblical cities peppered in there for good measure. This album is heavy – I recommend listening to it with headphones as loud as possible.

MUSIC

#3. ESOTERIC ORDER OF SPACE MUSIC

Shane Macgowan: DNA – DNA on DNA (2004) DNA was a New York no wave band that formed a quarter of the songs released on the infamous Brian Eno helmed compilation No New York. No wave was basically an attempt to stick it to new wave by creating some dissonant and abrasive punk. These dudes played with three broken strings, they didn’t give a fuck. DNA on DNA is a compilation of all the extant studio and live recordings of the band, who were so anti-establishment that they didn’t even release an LP. This is music that came out of the Big Apple in late 70s and early 80s, and for people that don’t know, the city was a shithole. Needless to say, DNA makes appropriately shitty music that is actually genius. They can’t tune their instruments but by god it is fascinating. Floating somewhere between Jupiter and Saturn: Major Organ and the Adding Machine - Major Organ and the Adding Machine (1997) So, Elephant 6 was a collective of musicians that all went to school together in Athens, Georgia which included highly praised acts like Neutral Milk Hotel, The Apples in Stereo and of Montreal. Major Organ and the Adding Machine was a supergroup comprised by Elephant 6 alumni Jeff Mangum and Kevin Barnes along with a host of other musicians with smaller but no less impressive repertoires. With the talent that has gone into this, you would assume that this is another collection of nasally sung comfy folk tunes, but you’d be wrong. What is presented here is a Frankenstein’s monster of psychedelia; yet it’s so tightly constructed that it is instantly listenable (if one can cope with the strange). Major Organ is probably the weirdest thing produced by Elephant 6. Give it a try though, get past the first track and it’s not actually as intimidating as everyone makes it sound. Detached from all reality: The Residents – Meet the Residents (1974) I don’t even know with this one. The Residents are an art collective of anonymous musicians that have been active since 1971. They have an outrageously long discography, with 63 studio releases to date. They’ve scored films, they’ve dabbled in avant garde videogames and weirdo Music Videos that creeped out everyone watching MTV in its infancy. I like to think that it’s a giant conspiracy and the band consists of 4 dudes all named Thomas Pynchon – they scored a documentary on the author, by coincidence. Meet the Residents, their debut album, is a weird one. They open with a cover of the Nancy Sinatra song “These Boots are Made for Walkin’”, now with mouth sounds and finger piano. It’s an experience: one we may never completely understand.

PERTH FACT REID LIBRARY IS OFFERING FREE PEACOCK FEATHERS AS BOOKMARKS AS PART OF ITS DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE DOG-EAR YOU LITTLE SHITS INITIATIVE 31

GIG REVIEW ATHENA MUSIC FESTIVAL PICTURE BY MICHAEL F FOR OK PERTH

REVIEW BY MELODY TABA

Tired of Australian music festivals exclusively showcasing male talent? Curtin’s Athena festival provided the answer to this traditionally male-dominated landscape! (Before crying out “#notallfestivals”, take a closer look at the line-up of the last one you attended). Run by the Curtin Student Guild, Athena received backing from music outlets like Triple J and RTR for being the first female-led festival in the country. Athena provided the perfect celebration for International Women’s Day, with proceeds supporting the Patricia Giles Centre for those affected by domestic violence. Intimacy is one of the irreproducible charms of the boutique festival. Unlike mainstream music festivals, the artists engaged us with anecdotes and awkward jokes rather than creating a distinct artist-audience dichotomy. Local legends GRRL PAL interacted exclusively with the small group of punters moshing enthusiastically at 4pm. Decorated Perthonality Abbe May not only blessed us with her tunes, but also her adorable nephew who was sporting industrial noise-cancelling headphones on stage. Despite their name, Tired Lion performed a relatively high energy set, with some members still in their everyday work uniforms. Total babe Nicole Millar got a lot of the seated crowd up on their feet as the sun set, dancing to her ethereal vibes. Asta rocked the stage to a close with a spontaneous Whitney Houston cover, jumping the barrier to lock eyes and hands with the audience. There is no pressure to perform as a festivalgoer either. Most punters came straight from class, ready to enjoy some big names in a casual way. Lounging on lawn chairs with student-priced beverages, the biggest decision was which food truck to choose from. Local illustrator Cheeks created a stunning live artwork during the night, across from a free Instagram printer for a physical copy of your bomb selfie. Athena’s distinctive vibe certainly paved the way for other music festivals of its kind, managing to create a safe space to celebrate the often unrecognised, awesome female talent of this country.

FRANKIE COSMOS NEXT THING (BAYONET RECORDS) REVIEW BY HARRY MANSON 8.5/10

Greta Kline has Zentropy behind her, one of the most terrifyingly emotional jpeg-squares of pop music produced in the twentyteens climate. A staggeringly brief impression of the now essential youth tragedy, it was at once the pinnacle of the Bandcamp pop ordeal and leagues ahead of it. With it she ventured into a niche unexplored corner of the guitar world and planted her flag. Presumably no one had been to that spot before because people so blindingly sedate and apathetic as Kline don’t tend to write vibrant pop songs. Malkmus never mumbled through ten tender ones within seventeen minutes. We’re here with her next formally released thing, and she’s come back from that expedition carrying a different spirit. Having just hit age 22, the Frankie Cosmos music machine is now fully operational and ready to deploy on demand. The songs are no longer ebbing episodes from an upside-down on the couch afternoon laptop session, but backyard cider clinkers and sunny festival vibers for those among us with bleached fringes and round glasses. Ergo, the music is even more surface-level mistakable for bands like Alvvays. That’s not a downer as it may read – Kline just comes off so contented and, well, happy now. It’s a welcome change of perspective. That’s the next thing: Frankie Cosmos is still a wonderfully potent poetic outlet for Kline, and when it comes to brazen guitar pop in 2016, that’s what really matters. “Embody,” a momentous minianthem for the misaligned, sets us to dwell on a heartwarming reflection: your friends are friends with each other, too. “On the Lips” ponders the mental gearshift of ‘where’ and then ‘why’ she might kiss someone. This all feels rewarding and barely a second is spent meandering – if you’ve ever even briefly had a tumblr and post-adolescence is encroaching then this is pure emotional gold. So, last thing: Kline may no longer be peerless in her musical space, but she remains the glowing standout.

KENDRICK LAMAR - UNTITLED, UNMASTERED. (TOP DAWG ENTERTAINMENT) REVIEW BY MICHAEL O’LEARY 8.5/10

No matter your view on it, To Pimp a Butterfly will be remembered as one of the most eminent albums of our generation. Lamar’s long awaited sophomoric release was one of few in a routinely criticised genre to eclipse its context of triple wrapped highly processed club

PERTH FACT JAILED IN MARCH, SPUD KING TONY GALATI WAS LATELY DISCOVERED BY GUARDS USING POTATOES AS BARTER

‘bangers’ (think Fetty Wap’s now shudder-inducing wails) and be credited for what it actually is, no repertoire of catchy choruses and radio appeal but a cohesive body of work with a bold emotional message to impart, a real album.

Overall the album is not necessarily easy - but always insightful listening. A must for contemporary hip hop fans.

SAY ANYTHING I DON’T THINK IT IS (EQUAL VISION) REVIEW BY RAE TWISS 8/10

“What the hell is that album artwork?” a friend quipped when I linked them to Say Anything's latest effort, which was recently dropped online without prior warning. The selfie is obvious: symbolic of the productions rawness, stripped down nature and tongue-in-cheek style, exactly what Anarchy, My Dear promised to be a few years earlier. In I Don’t Think it Is, SA return to their punkier roots, producing their most chaotic and grungiest record to date (most possibly due to the collaboration with Mutemath drummer Darren King). It is an incredibly fun listen, and familiar enough to satiate my teenaged super-fan expectations. Max Bemis has his recognisable shouty

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As the album progresses, the heavyweight MC toys with the raspy quasi-falsetto delivery we’ve grown to adore and bellows the repeated mantra “pimp! pimp!… hooray!” in the few silences his raw energy allows. The chant, however, is an ironic celebration. The songs decisively critique the ways of Compton gangs and contribute to the plethora of Lamar’s social commentary on the modern African American experience. In “untitled 02” Lamar expresses his disbelief: “Get god on the phone”, “I see jigaboos… I see Styrofoam”, “my hood going brazy”. “Untitled 08” is perhaps the most enigmatic omission from To Pimp a Butterfly, informally known as “Blue Faces”. The upbeat sing-a-long nature of the track is reminiscent of the breakout hit “King Kunta”, with just as much thematic depth. The song is a bittersweet homage to the financial struggle of Kendrick’s hometown relatives in contrast with his ballooning wealth.

It appears that a lack of pressure from fans and himself has allowed Bemis to experiment with his own vulnerability and create something unstructured and directionless that’s still just as viscerally relatable as ever. This is not a perfect album, but is that not its point? I’m just glad they didn’t come out with another choral album, in all honesty.

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If the title of his follow up release untitled unmastered. alone isn’t sufficient allusion, the project is effectively a bunch of archived tracks from earlier studio sessions with some dating back to early 2013 and some as recent as this year. While it’s less calculated than Butterfly, Kendrick once again demonstrates his untouchable ability as a wordsmith. Dense rhymes are accompanied with what feels like a complete orchestra of upright brass, fleeting high hats and uncredited features from A-listers Ali Muhammad (A Tribe Called Quest) and Cee Lo Green (seriously). As a result, listeners are given a sonic jungle complete with just as many questions as answers. “Untitled 01” is doomsday; violins and quivery chords loop as Kendrick exclaims “the tallest buildings are cracking and crumbling”, whilst “planes are fallin’ out the sky”. The track is Kendrick’s assertion straight off the bat that even his throwaway tracks punch above the rest.

cadence and is of course as self-referential, confessional and witty as ever. Yet, without the pretension that has permeated SA’s earlier work; Bemis sings “Destroy our first LP, if you know what’s good for me,” in “Jiminy”. Tracks can be awkward, almost stream of consciousness odes to friends (“Goshua”), beat driven pieces reminiscent of slam poetry a (“Varicose Visage”) or noisy self-analysis (“17 Coked up Speeding”), which really culminates is a bit of a mixed bag thematically.

THE DRONES FEELIN’ KINDA FREE (TFS RECORDS) REVIEW BY BRAD GRIFFIN

9/10 Holy smokes this is a good album. Feelin’ Kinda Free is The Drones’ seventh release and with it Gareth Liddiard and co. unleash a sneering, slithering attack on modern Australia and all of its small-world politics. The Drones have gone off-road and discarded the compass. Thoroughly bass and percussion-driven, the guitars are often heavy with feedback and are gloriously eerie and unconventional throughout the record. “Private Execution” sets the tone for the album – a seven-minute long exposition laced with poetic bitterness, sociopolitical references, and a disdain for modern civil society. “Taman Shud” was the first track released last year and is a force entirely of its own. Comprising the vanguard of The Drones’ dissatisfaction with the 24-hour news cycle, Liddiard mutters sinister verses with a tension that builds for the entire track. In the middle, “To Think That I Once Loved You” slows down the momentum of the post-punky middle finder of the rest of the record, but not in a bad way. Between Liddiard’s howling and Kitschin’s more subdued vocals, they deliver a crooning, slow-burning epitaph to love past. “Boredom” is a standout track. Interspacing Liddiard’s menacing verses mocking the ascendency of the West are Kitschin’s warnings of “bore-dom, bore-dom” like a siren, alluding to the faux state of fear and alarm that our government would have us believe we’re living in. In Feelin’ Kinda Free nothing is sacred, especially ‘Anzackery’, stopping the boats, Andrew Bolt and potentially a vague reference to Field Marshal Blamey’s infamous ‘running rabbits’ comment from 1942. The Drones are political but not revolutionary and they leave a distinct feeling of uncertainty and tension. They have captured everything rotten about the sociopolitical climate of our nation and stuffed it into eight songs of poetic post-punk.

PERTH FACT WHEN THE WATERS RISE, KWINANA WILL RISE UP ON ITS HYDRAULIC LEGS AND MOVE INLAND

I’M LEAVING EARTH FOREVER WHAT BOOKS SHOULD I BRING? WORDS BY JADE NEWTON ART BY LAURA WELLS

With the advent of permanent Earth departure zooming straight into our lifetime, some people will be leaving the book world permanently. I'm here to help them figure out what to read for the rest of their lives. Dear X

Dear C,

I am bound for worlds untraveled. I have been assigned a recreational luggage limit of 5kg and I’m at a loss as to what could keep me entertained for the rest of my life. Is the written word really enough to sustain someone forever???

Good to hear you’re taking charge of your life! I have two titles in mind to soothe what sounds like a Lifetime of Mondays ahead of you – Bridgette Jones’s Diary and The Forever War. Both are long-winded romances that should keep your mind off the terrifying reality of your existence as a Space Explorer.

Perplexedly,

May your feet never fall off and grow b a c k

If you are truly committed to enriching the remainder of your life and a new higher cause and purpose, you shall find 12 disciples to help you take the 32-volume 2010 Encyclopaedia Britannica on board to become the human reference point of all of history (to date). If you get abducted you will be a boon for both the lucky alien race that nabbed you, and humankind whose cultures and experiences you can pass on. Be sure to put in a good word for old X to your future alien overlords! Thankyou in advance, X

a s

cactuses,

I’m in a bit of a bind – I’m off to Mars soon and I want to know what book I should take. I don’t really read but I can just see myself sitting in one of the little air ship windows (rockets have at least one window right? I mean like all the cartoons have a little window) at the exact same time every... day? The sun will hit my back and my hair will just be, like, glowing and I’ll look hella rad (like the two hottest guys on SilverSun but as a 25-year-old – why was that ship run by babies??). Anyway, the most beautiful person on the ship will walk by and fall in love with me and my rueful, soulful, pondering ways – anyway I need the book that will help me look just right, thankyou! D

I am terrified of space travel. I just finished my PhD and can’t get a job on this godforsaken planet so I’m off to where the debt collectors can’t reach me. How do I make this bleak situation less terrifying? Help, C

You know why I’m writing. Leaving earth and print soon. Please publish or at least return the email, call or fax ASAP. I like reading a lot. Thx.

Hi X,

Cheers, Dear X,

Wistfully,

Hi X,

Dear B,

something by Dan Green to convey your wit and emotional tenderness. Please – revel in teen angst and hold dear those precious SilverSun memories close to your chest. They are probably excellent prep for you in the lead up to your new voyage.

Howdy D, I fear you may be oversimplifying your future. Have you been debriefed on how you’re getting to Mars? And what that future will hold for you? I digress – we’re talking books. I could only recommend

E, How incredibly concise! Your t h o r o u g h and efficient identification of every communication channel I have access to (save for in person) and subsequent use render me impressed, yet somewhat hostile. I am sure you are aware most communication devices have storage limits and the amount of purging the office intern has to do is ridiculous. (If this is the sole reason she didn’t send me a Christmas card I will ensure your holiday communication is just as viciously cut!). For such a scourge as yourself, I fear even a Scholastic book club catalogue would be too good – surely a handful of real estate calendars from years gone by at the back of your mail box would suffice. In great expectation of our ceased correspondence, X

PERTH FACT BLEACH THOSE DIRTY SPLEENS AT NEW STIRLING HIGHWAY SALON!

BOOK REVIEWS SCI-FI SPECIAL

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Frankenstein

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S STAR WARS

MARY SHELLEY

IAN DOESCHER

4/5

Frankenstein inherits one of the key problems of pre-modernity prose fiction in gaining the reader’s attention in that it relies heavily on exposition. To clarify: exposition is not a bad thing. In fact it’s quite useful if an author uses it correctly. Unfortunately, Shelley does not use exposition in a way that is interesting to a modern reader, often pontificating for several pages without ever pushing the plot forward. That being said, this exposition is vital to the understanding of the text, and to suggest that it be cut because it is not ‘interesting’ would be heresy. Victor is also a total elitist in every way, from the start of his narration where he treats his cousin like a plaything that his parents will give him in marriage (different times – apparently marrying extended family was acceptable back then). He’s like that one kid in school that excelled in math and rubbed it in everyone’s faces but wasn’t much good at anything else. Even so, when he’s given the responsibility of fatherhood (and he messes it up repeatedly) you still care when his world collapses inward. So what we have here is basically the world’s first ‘fuck you dad’ novel, complete with a caricature of the God of the Old Testament and the archetypical emo Satanist. Best read whilst listening to Evanescence.

Even four hundred years after Shakespeare’s death, his stories retain the thematic timelessness that permits an endless capacity to be adapted. Doescher certainly knows his Star Wars – not just the film but also the fandom – and he knows his Shakespeare well enough. The inevitable mash up is executed as well as any science-fantasy space opera could possibly be adapted into Elizabethan English. Conventions of playwriting are used to full effect. C3PO and R2D2 play the role of the fools in their degree of self-awareness and tendency to comment on the events, and like the fools, their banter serves as comic relief. Doescher adds a few well-placed asides and interior monologues to develop the characters, and in doing so gives us insight into his particular interpretations of Luke, Obi-Wan and Vader. Their representation is closer to how most committed fans tend to view them rather than their characterisation in the original film trilogy – that is, fan interpretations tend to downplay simple notions of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and use speculative backstory as well as the more morally-complex prequel trilogy to convey character depth. Vader has extensive, well-written soliloquies which transform him from a one-dimensional villain (as he was in A New Hope) into a melancholic, tortured individual who struggles with his own past and pull of the dark side – a characterisation which developed more in episode V and VI as well as the graphic novel series by Marvel. Rather ambitiously, Doescher does not just adapt the language but has attempted to create a functionally plausible theatre script complete with stage directions. Perhaps this ambition undercuts his otherwise success however, as the space battles suffer from the change of genre and it is difficult to imagine a successful portrayal on stage – the written versions are awkward and overly reliant on stage directions rather than language.

BOOKS

This book is at once the watershed Science Fiction novel and a horribly frustrating mess of exposition and melodrama. Published in 1818, Frankenstein was probably the first science fiction novel to adhere to the conventions of the science fiction genre as it is understood today. Frankenstein is, in terms of interpretability and ideological discussion, one of the premier Romantic novels. It touches on heady philosophical topics such as to what extent is a creator culpable for the potential calamity made by their creation; the nature/nurture debate (with regards to personality); and what is it that makes a being human. It is a novel that still remains relevant 200 odd years after its publication as we approach new developments in bionic technology, genetic engineering and the possibility of artificial intelligence.

I am yet anxiously awaiting an adaptation of The Force Awakens. Prema Arasu is writing a psychoanalytic thesis of The Babysitter’s Club.

Eamonn Kelly read the entirety of Atlas Shrugged when he was 16 years old. He donated it to charity.

PERTH FACT PROSH IS NEVER ALLOWED TO EAT ANOTHER ANZAC COOKIE, EVER

ART BY BRYCE NEWTON

APARTMENT FOR LEASE High rise, Apartment living offers: Mailbox asphyxiation, Current tenants unable to access facilities Apparently at own fault Mail cannot breach box receptacle. Summer evening procures: Copulation, a street soundtrack Will escort to your door Volume increase, complimentary Block before Beaufort Bane. Never sighted: Arrivals or departures Heard: angle grinder grieving use Washing line congregation, Stand in silence: noiseless neighbour

BOOKS

Weather worn and Earth bound Sparse rooms await return Peer warily from behind curtains Attempt anticipation. Grass like needles, never saw funeral Unmourned and never mown. Yet growth, cut short. Beware glass and other paraphernalia Flesh puncture wary, If occupant inevitable $310 a week.

WORDS BY BRYCE NEWTON | IMAGE BY NATHAN ROBERT

OPERATIC SENSIBILITIES INTERVIEW BY SAMUEL J. COX

WA Opera’s new Artistic Director Brad Cohen spoke with Samuel J. Cox about his first season at the helm. Presenting its season in His Majesty’s Theatre each year, as well as Opera in the Park in the Supreme Court Gardens, West Australian Opera (WAO) is now only one-year shy of its 50th anniversary. Established in 1967, WA’s only full-time professional opera company sees its 2016 season programmed for the first time by new Artistic Director Brad Cohen. The Australian conductor has carved an international career for himself, conducting the London Philharmonic, Stuttgarter Philharmoniker and the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra, among many others. He takes over from New Yorker Joseph Colaneri, who parted ways with WAO after only two-and-a-half years in the job. Previously a guest conductor with WAO, Cohen was awarded a three-year contract at the end of January 2015, by which point the 2016 program should already have been finalized. When it was finally locked down mid-year, Cohen’s first season hoped to indicate to audiences a consistent and well-articulated programming strategy. “I came into this position with two artistic priorities: the first was to renew the repertoire that the company offers, and the second was to connect more strongly with our audiences. It’s not enough to just offer Puccini and Verdi in the same old format and expect that people will come. It’s not enough to do Carmen six times, bringing it back every two years. You get audience fatigue. My programming is about refreshing what we offer and changing our casting to be more strongly West Australian in nature. I structured this season to ensure each of the four productions had some new element in it. Either it was an old opera with a fresh cast, an entirely new piece or an opera that was new to the company. At Opera in the Park we presented Puccini’s last completed opera, Gianni Schicchi, which had never been done here before. The Riders is an entirely new opera that didn’t exist until we commissioned it eighteen months ago. The Elixir of Love is a well-known piece that is popular with audiences, and while I did it with Opera Australia a few years ago it has never been seen in Perth. Finally, The Pearl Fishers is another well-loved piece, but is an entirely new production.” As Artistic Director, Cohen is responsible for the artistic standards and vision for the company. He is involved in the choice of repertoire,

casting of artists and engagement of creative teams (including directors, lighting and costume designers, choreographers, etc.), while personally conducting the orchestra during the season. Before becoming a conductor, Cohen played all sorts of instruments, bar brass and woodwind. “I started violin when I was four, then became a choir boy at St. Andrew’s Cathedral in Sydney before taking up the organ and piano when my voice broke. I became a baritone singer when I was 17 or 18, and at one time thought I might go into opera. I learnt percussion and then I started to work as a répétiteur [rehearsal pianist] while also acting as an assistant conductor,” Cohen says. “As a conductor, my primary responsibility is to be the composer’s representative on earth (even if they’re still living). My job is to try and understand their vison and make it as powerful and as clear as I can to the singers, and ultimately the audiences.”

"I know that the higher you go, the more compromised things can become artistically" This year Cohen has ended all guest conducting and confined his activity to WAO. “The older I get, the more I have to be persuaded that something is worth doing. While having Covent Garden [where The Royal Opera House is located], the Met [New York Metropolitan Opera] and Vienna [State Opera] on my resume would be super glamorous, I know that the higher you go, the more compromised things can become artistically. It’s not intentional, it’s just a function of the very large amounts of money at stake. Do I have ambitions? I do, but I’m not sure that they can be expressed by ‘ticking boxes’ by guesting with certain companies or venues,” Cohen says. “What I’m looking for is a real belief in opera, a complete conviction that it has value and a future, and a really clear artistic framework within which I can do my best work. That’s what I try to provide here as AD, a safe space in which the emotionally complex people in this business can be the best artists that they can.” WAO is part of the Opera Conference, a consortium composed of State Opera South Australia, Opera Queensland and Opera Australia. The Conference collaborates on commissioning a production which they all share in the following year. This year that production is The Pearl Fishers, last year it was Faust. Each member of the Conference has come under scrutiny thanks to the National Opera Review, which was jointly commissioned by the Australia Council for the Arts and the government, to strategically assess the national funding and allocation of resources for Australian opera. Long overdue, Cohen hopes Federal funding will come to reflect the state’s growth and the size of WAO’s audiences. “In a sense it’s a historical adjustment of the way the funding has been previously allocated and whether that’s appropriate going forward. It hasn’t published its final findings yet, but we have an early draft. They refer to WAO as a fiscally responsible, model

PERTH FACT PROUSHT: PROSH FOR SNOOTY ERUDITE FUCKERS

"The Riders" (2014), Image by Jeff Busby company, with a good artistic vision. It is also examining the status of Victorian Opera – currently not part of the Opera Conference – and questioning whether Opera Australia should continue performing in both in Sydney and Melbourne, or whether it should it retrench its Melbourne season and leave it to Victorian Opera,” Cohen says. The review was instigated in part by the Hon. George Brandis QC (Attorney General and ex-Minister for the Arts – the crusader against illegal downloading) during the same period in which the 2015-16 Federal budget re-distributed funds from the Australia Council for the Arts to establish the poorly-received National Program for Excellence in the Arts (NPEA). Without delving too deeply into industry politics, this change meant that Australia’s small to medium arts sector lost access to much-needed funding grants that no longer existed.

“The Met live broadcasts, which you can see regularly at Luna Leederville, are a great thing that allows more people to see those performances than can actually go and sit in the audience. However, it causes problems for other opera companies around the world. You’re able to hear the most expensive singers in

For those who have never been, Cohen describes the opera as “telling stories through the power of the human singing voice. That’s why you can call [Gaetano] Donizetti ‘opera’, but you can also include West Side Story, Porgy and Bess and [Claudio] Monteverdi. Some people would say there’s a difference between musicals and operas, but if it uses the human voice to tell a story then I say it has something operatic in it. Opera is a broad umbrella term and an inclusive art form, and it shouldn’t be constrained to 19thC Italian bel canto, that’s ridiculous.”

ARTS

In the age of digital media, Cohen believes that the “value of live performance is becoming clearer than ever. Television, film, CGI, special effects; they’re all fantastically engaging and immersive. However, what has become clear is that physical, live engagement in a space is really powerful. That’s why increasingly major artists, like Madonna, are touring live again. You can own all the Prince albums you like, but it’s not the same as being in the room with him as he does it live,” Cohen says. “That’s what opera is about for me. I’ve done a lot of TV opera for the BBC, and I maintain that it’s a really valuable, genuine operatic experience. But the visceral experience of the human voice can’t be guaranteed without being in a real space. Opera complements all the digital technology, but it is not replaced by it.”

the world at the peak of their career; how does a local opera experience compete with that? You might try and imitate the Met, just cheaper, by aiming to get the best international artists you can afford involved, but I think that has very limited potential because there’s no value in being a watered down imitation. The second approach is to seek a distinctively Australian operatic sensibility, something truly indigenous to who we are, where we live and the landscape and culture around us. The last 30 years has seen some important premiers in Australian operatic history; we’ve had Voss, Batavia, The Love of the Nightingale, The Rabbits and now The Riders. They share this attempt to tell a truly Australian story. I’m not talking about Lamingtons, or the kitsch side of Australian culture. I mean a sensibility that genuinely reflects our history and place in this landscape.”

“You could also think of opera as blue cheese, after all, they’re both forms of culture! You can talk about blue cheese all you like and you can present it to people while declaring it’s really fantastic. However, while some people will fall in love with it on their first taste, others will take some time to acquire the palate, and others will just always hate it. Regardless, it is our responsibility, obligation and mission as the State Opera Company to provide opera of the highest possible standard to our state audience.”

PERTH FACT HARVEY NORMAN THINKS DICK SMITH SHOULD SUCK A PLUG

SENG-SATIONAL J

arrad Seng’s work touches on many unexpected worlds. The Perth photographer is always bundling himself off to some new project in photography or film, travelling and pulling stunts so it’s a fun journey to follow. I first came across his work by way of a random call; he wanted to use the abandoned pool out back of my Scarborough rental for a photo shoot. Then again, when he put out an ask and rocked up in Guildford to set some shit ablaze in a field. This jettison of formality is something which has contributed to Seng being recognised as a premier creative worker in Australia, and led to features in media outlets across the world. Recently, Jarrad has been racing around Iceland with his crew taking righteous snaps and sharing the sense of daring they take with them. Pelican sought him out to ask for a slice. NS: What kicked off photography in your life, and why do you think it has assumed a bold part of it? JS: It all stemmed from my love of live music. I was writing about music, playing in bands and going to shows every weekend – it was a natural progression to start capturing the energy through a visual medium as well. It all just snowballed from there. I don’t necessarily love photography. I mean, I like it. But it’s more about what it has allowed me to do – travel the world and meet interesting people along the way. Photography has become the medium

INTERVIEW BY NATHAN SHAW IMAGES BY JARRAD SENG

through which I get to experience all kinds of crazy and wonderful things in life that wouldn’t happen otherwise. NS: Much of your work reflects your drive for adventure and creative living – is this an integral aspect of yourself that led you to start taking photos? Did photography help draw it out of you, or do the two simply go hand-in-hand? JS: I think it’s a bit of both. I love creating, whether it’s through film, photography, music, whatever. And there’s no better way to find creative inspiration than through travel and adventure. So for me, travel and creativity go hand in hand, and each finds

it hard to exist without the other. NS: How has the rapidity and immediacy of contemporary media, like Instagram and Snapchat, changed your relationship with photography and your audience? JS: Social media certainly has affected both the way I shoot, as well as how I interact with my audience. It’s so hard to juggle all of the different mediums. I might find myself somewhere epic, like the edge of cliff. First priority will be getting that crazy landscape shot. But then what about a funny Snapchat while I’m there. Plus, a Twitter post. Oh wait, why don’t I live broadcast this on Facebook. It gets pretty full on trying to feed the machine. That was probably the most obnoxious first world problem I’ve ever written! NS: Bouncing between travel, portraiture, music/events shoots, filmmaking and brewing up zany propositions, how often do you find yourself switching off your enterprising, image-concocting side? JS: Almost never. There are so many ideas floating around that it makes it pretty hard to switch off from that side of things. I meet so many creative people around the world and dream up ways to collaborate with each one. It’s exhausting, but if even five percent of those ideas come to fruition it’s worth the grind. NS: Finding yourself in many different fascinating worlds, what do you suppose your balance is between studious,

PERTH FACT I WANT YOU INSIDE ME MR. RENTAL

meticulous shooting and spontaneity? Do you curtail this mix in any way?

NS: Your exhibition last year – The Space Between – gave me a sense of isolation and gravity. At the same time, a lot of the on-the-run content coming out of your

working so closely with another content creator. But there’s plenty of time to venture out alone, so I’ll always choose to collaborate over going solo when I can. NS: You evidently hold music dear. What’s keeping you moving/moved at the moment? JS: ames Vincent McMorrow, Japanese Wallpaper, Woodes, Banks, Airling.

there’s no better way to find creative inspiration than through travel and adventure JS: I love collaborating with other people. It’s more fun, ideas that may at first seem ludicrous end up gaining steam as you bounce off each other, and it’s just nice to share travel experiences with others. The downside is that it can be difficult to capture unique content when you’re

ARTS

JS: The vast majority of my work is unplanned and spontaneous. I’m not a meticulous person. At all. I mean, I completed one year of Law school and only barely passed. It’s not a strong point of mine. Of course, I’ll always know what general location a shoot will be, but apart from that I’m basically winging it nearly all of the time. It’s kind of like the difference between assignments and exams. I always hated assignments because essentially how well you do is a matter of how much time you are willing to spend working on it. And I’m lazy and never have any spare time. I’d much prefer an exam where you’re on more of a level playing field, and it’s all about how well you can work (or bullshit your way through) under pressure.

Iceland trip showed a jocular, communal experience shared with affable creatives. As we see Perth creative communities becoming more prolific and lively, what do you find are the benefits of inclusive arrangements like this, and are there challenges therein when it comes to individual direction and space?

NS: There are so many elements which make up musical performance and live consumption – what makes for successful documentation of a show? JS: The feeling that you are there, present in the moment. If you can convey that in an image you’ve done your job. NS: Any dream clients? JS: Sia.

PERTH FACT ‘MOUNT GINA’ TO COMMENCE WITH CARVING THE FACE OF MS. RINEHART ON PERTH HILLS

AIR:CHIP RATIO IN CHIP PACKETS WORDS BY ROSE STEWART ART BY DANYON BURGE

2015 was a good year. This is based purely on the fact that Pluto was again recognised as a planet. Poor little Pluto has been tossed back and forth by NASA, deemed a planet and then suddenly not worthy enough, now asked to come back. Whoever NASA rebounded with to get over Pluto obviously did not do a good job. Maybe the gravitational pull wasn’t there, or perhaps they just needed space apart to fall back together. Anyway, we are not here to discuss the worrying romantic habits of NASA. This is purely investigative. This is about the correlation between Pluto’s reinstatement as the planet it deserves to be (I love you Pluto, baby) and the lack of chips in chip packets. I mean what else is in those chip packets? Air right? Or more specifically space. And what comes from space? ALIENS. Angry aliens from Pluto. I mean how angry would you be? You are just going about your life, as a proud Plutonian, carrying dead souls around for Hades or what have you, and suddenly you are not a planet anymore! Plutonic outrage follows. Pluto can no longer compete in the Milky Way Mega Moon throwing events, their lava surfing trophy gets taken off them and given to Jupiter. As if those hot heads on Jupiter need encouragement! So just imagine, you are in this situation, what do you do? Well you take

over every chip company on Earth (and also spend some time wondering who the hell let the Earthlings in charge, as they are clearly all moronic). You eat half the chips that were supposed to be in the packet, and you replace the other half with air from Pluto. When people eat the chips they inexplicably suffer a wave of nostalgia for what it was like when Pluto was a planet. This eventually makes it to the head of NASA’s wife, who says to her husband “you know what Charles I’m just not in the mood tonight. I’m just really sad that Pluto isn’t a planet anymore” and five minutes later he’s on the phone to his boys at NASA pleading “I’m sorry lads, I know we decided this already but you should see what me missus is wearing and bloody hell she’s well fit – which is surprising considering all she does is eat chips – but anyway. BRING PLUTO BACK BOYS.” And there you have it, happy Plutonians and happy me. Viva la Pluto. But until then we will just have to eat Pringles so we aren’t crying over the fact that we just paid $5 for a bag of salt and vinegar Plutonian air.

REVIEW BY THOMAS ROSSITER

Whilst I’ll try to avoid spoilers in this review, if you want the most organic and best experience possible from playing this game, I suggest you stop reading immediately. The Middle East is on fire. Abandoned by the World Health Organisation, the disease that consumes their lives is incurable, and the white men sitting around their table, agree that it’s basically a lost cause. Mirroring an actual World Health Organisation, Europe is prioritised. Despite our victories, our

funding is continuously cut, and we can only assume the people doing this have sworn allegiance to their new, bacterial overlords. Our organisation is steadily more militarised, constantly escalating, scrambling to react to the horrible, horrible things that this board game is doing to us.

is never guaranteed. The game can go from bad to terrifyingly bad in the draw of a card, and, worse, these mishaps won’t go away. Every scar your character accrues brings them closer to death; every time you let a disease run rampant through a city or region, that part of the world becomes permanently worse.

Pandemic Legacy is part of the new ‘Legacy’ series of board games. The same four players play the same board game, but each time they play, the game changes, adding new mechanics or challenges as the players tactics improve. Each time they play they are returning to the same world, with the same characters. All of their victories and defeats marked permanently on the world.

But the real pleasure of the game comes from the stories that emerge organically from playing it. Naming characters, giving them a backstory, players become attached to their stand-ins; are proud when they perform heroically, fear for their safety when they are sent into danger. Pandemic Legacy tells its own stories. The horrible algebra of risking what feels like a real person’s life versus the safety of whole cities to whole parts of the world is incredibly engaging, and a powerful central tenet to build a board game around.

Pandemic Legacy is the most tense high stakes game I’ve ever played. You can be one move from success, or totally crushed from the outset, but victory

PERTH FACT CITY OF PERTH IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE ‘WATER TOWN’ HAS CHANGED ITS NAME TO ‘MOIST HUB’

THE TOOTHY PICK Food .............................3.5/5 Décor ............................ 4/5 Service .......................... 4/5

Miss Chow’s

Shop 119 Claremont Quarter

WORDS BY CHADLEY GRIFFIN

There’s a restaurant in my suburb. Last year it was called Trident, and served mainly seafood; six months ago it was called Food Amongst the Flowers, and was a kind of boutique food court. Today, it is called Miss Chow’s, and is more popular than any of its predecessors. Miss Chow’s creates upmarket Chinese fare for the well-to-do Claremont crowd, specialising in dumplings. Which are pretty spectacular, incidentally. Served in wicker baskets fresh and still steaming, these little doughy pockets are filled with a savoury broth, and served with a side of ginger, vinegar and chilli sauce, expertly complementing your choice of filling (a selection ranging from port, to scallops and caviar). These dumplings are the strongest point of Miss Chow’s menu; while the rest of the dishes sampled were tasty, they could easily be found elsewhere and at a better value. But onto those dishes, we will start with the best: the Pork Belly Hot Pot, served with soft-boiled eggs, radish and goji, and covered in a rich sauce. The pork in this dish was soft and tender, falling apart in my mouth and filling it with a slightly sweet, but very saliva-inducing flavour. The eggs were small and probably quail – I avoided them out of fear, but was after reliably informed they were “basically fine”. Next, a noodle dish, Ho Fun, served with beef, chives, onions and bean sprouts. Soft noodles broken up with just a bit of spice and the delightful crunch of chives, slightly greasy, but eaten very quickly at my table. We move right along to the Shi Zi Tou, a bowl of braised meatballs, bok choy and various other vegetables in a dark sauce. Honestly I

had some difficulty grasping the meatballs with my chopsticks; given their size, I ended up puncturing them, and using the chopstick to lever apart the meat. This was a good decision it turned out, as it allowed me to cover the meatball with more of the sauce – a tangy and a marvellous companion to the smooth taste of the meat. Lastly, the Buddha’s Delight, a dish of shiitake mushrooms, lotus root and a fried bean curd stick. This was not entirely finished when our plates were collected; it wasn’t unpleasant, just mundane. But there were other, more pleasant surprises. The iced tea, for example, has several layers of temperature and taste – hot at the bottom, lukewarm in the middle, and icy cool on top. I very rapidly found myself ordering a second. The decor is homely, but with an edge of: ‘I could bring a date here’. Fairy lights lined the eaves, and our table was placed comfortably in a small courtyard walled by pot plants. It was very easy to feel relaxed. We were suitably isolated, yet engaged in a community at the same time, the happy but distant bustle of a busy, but not crowded restaurant. Adding to this general good feeling was the excellent service. The waitstaff were polite in an efficient way – all easygoing smiles and quick on their feet. Ultimately, Miss Chow’s is too dear for the student budget, and if you’ve got someone to impress there are better options available. But if you stick with what they do well, you will find yourself having a very pleasant evening.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO FINISH YOUR ESSAY DRINKING MEDIOCRE COFFEE WORDS BY KYRA DALEY ART BY PATRICK BENDALL

PONY EXPRESS O, WEST PERTH

more bearable.

meeting spot and a great opportunity

Probably one of the lesser-known coffee

MOANA COFFEE, PERTH CBD

for some entertaining people watching.

spots around Perth, Pony Express O (“For

Situated above the Hay street mall, this cute balcony café features skyscraper views and enough potted plants to really up your Instagram game. Aesthetics aside, the fresh air provides the ideal location to smash out some notes and relieve some stress while sipping on some fabulous coffee. Definitely check out the ‘build your own bagels’ – the cream cheese on blueberry is a must try.

The café is decked out with lots of comfy

a while. Most notable features are its large

FOAM COFFEE BAR, LEEDERVILLE

uni, and enjoy a good coffee. Hits the spot

wooden bench tables and excellent double

Situated in the heart of the Oxford strip, Foam Coffee Bar makes for a prime

those who like their coffee down a laneway through a carpark, in a stable”) is located in a heritage listed 1900s stable, and services walls are adorned with old signs showing its historical roots in the City of Perth. This makes for a cozy atmosphere and a great place to get away from the daily grind for

shot coffee that makes study that little bit

closing time 7 days a week. It is quite easy to while away several hours here due to its laid-back atmosphere, yummy homemade banana bread and Internet access, making it the ideal spot to make a start on that assignment. This is the perfect place to come and unwind after a long day at

LIFESTYLE

the masses of West Perth businesses. The

seats, high top benches and boasts a 10pm

every time.

PERTH FACT DRUGS-A-MILLION IS NOW OPEN IN HIGHGATE

SPACE IS AN OCEAN WORDS BY STUART PATON ART BY KYRA DALEY

pace. It seems like an ocean. Games have taken this to heart for a variety of reasons. In the context of tabletop space games, an added third dimension offers little additional depth (so to speak) whilst greatly increasing complexity. Video games, on the other hand, are not restricted to such petty ambitions. Even so, the people piloting the ships often have a hard time adjusting to thinking in 3D combat, sometimes spinning helplessly in search of a target lateral to their direction of rotation. In celebration of that last one, here are some space games that came out within the last few years in order of spaciness. Many games involve space without being spacey. In this list: Star Wars games, Warframe, Moon Patrol, Mass Effect, to name but a few. These games all involve walking around on surfaces, a lot of corridors, and themes of loneliness. But ultimately, they could have taken place on Earth without much change in game mechanics or set. Gratuitous Space Battles 2 is a fleet management game, where you can design (two dimensional) ships of varying scales and throw them into a fleet. The main thing you cannot do is give direct commands to your ships in battle; you have to have a decent fleet selection and broad orders that the ships follow throughout the battle. Indie strategy game players will get a kick out of this, but it suffers from the problems typical of indie games. However,

once you’ve worked around the odd interface and long-winded deployment system, it can be rather rewarding as well as relaxing. You can have your battle playing in the background while you ‘study’. This game fully embraces ‘space as an ocean’. There is a 2D playing surface, the ships have hard maximum speeds based on their thrust and size, and thrust direction is arbitrarily behind your ship. There are missiles, lasers, and lightning guns though, and who doesn’t want that? Elite Dangerous is the prettiest to look at of these three games. You are a single pilot who can buy, modify, and pilot ships in a fairly spacious galaxy (ours). Other players can interfere with you and hose you down with bullets if you choose, but the game runs fine as a freeform single player experience as well. Space Fighter games are less popular than they were in the early 90s, but this game gives as much of that experience as any of those in its genre did. However, a large portion of the game is exploration, and a number of players get a kick out of exploring our galaxy. No other game I’ve seen does exponential scaling as well as this one. While this game does take place in a 3D universe, it does have an arbitrary space speed limit. Other than that and the necessary FTL travel and communication, it does play everything pretty straight. This is the only game where you can experience going past a star at around lightspeed and get an appreciation of how big everything is (with Occulus support). Kerbal Space Program is a very spacey game. Experience the heyday of (probably Soviet) space exploration. Build your own rockets (with mostly realistic qualities like structural strength and drag) and launch them. Expect high casualty rates. A large number of people had a lot of fun with this game when it came out, but since those people stopped playing the developers have released a campaign mode. This allows for a more structured approach to learning the game’s mechanics, but some players may find it restrictive. As far as physics is concerned, this game is pretty accurate. Your thrust vectors have to be lined up perfectly at launch, lest your rocket suddenly spin wildly out of control. Satellites must be set up in orbit high enough that atmospheric drag doesn’t cause them to come back down. Your Kerbal minions are basically idiots, gawking helplessly at the Kerbal rapidly shrinking behind them. And that’s space. No one can hear you scream and it’s fucking big. Might as well shoot things at other things.

PERTH FACT PERTH KIDS ARE NOW DRINKING ‘BEEROCCA’: A BEROCCA AND BEER BLEND. GET REKT

BAD SHOW

IT IS STILL SUNNY IN SEASON 11 PHILADELPHIA Window”. A fairly lifeless outing. It does have some value however as a reflection of the show as a whole, and as an opportunity for the characters to reflect on their own lack of growth.

Beau Willimon NETFLIX Talking to people about the latest season of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, a common theme arose: “It’s just not as good as it used to be”. We’re eleven seasons in, and yes, It’s Always Sunny is beginning to decay. The writers are being swapped out, the characters are becoming more and more outlandish, and the actors who portray them are having more work put on their shoulders. But despite this, Sunny maintains its reputation as one of the funniest shows on television. The hit/miss ratio is definitely lower, but the hits, when they come, are still spectacular. I think most dissatisfaction stems from the weak debut episode, “Chardee Macdennis 2: Electric Boogaloo”. A lot of the time when a show starts to make ‘call backs’ to its younger days, you know it’s going downhill, or at least more willing to rest on its laurels. And then the trend continues with episode two: “Frank Falls out the

Yet as the season continues, things get more interesting. More pressure on the actors to deliver is less of a problem when your actors are this great. “Being Frank” shifts the perspective to Frank, letting us know the more than decade-old show is still unfraid to take risks. And then in “The Gang Hits the Slopes” we get a truly spectacular pastiche of 80s ski movies. “Things are just different on the mountain” indeed. This mid-season burst of creativity is enough to dispel my worries about quality decay. Praise also has to be given to actors Charlie Day (Charlie Kelly) and Glenn Howerton (Dennis Reynolds). Glenn Howerton has been leaning much more heavily on the ‘Dennis is a Sociopath’ angle, and to great effect. But by far the best episode in the season is “Charlie Finds a Leprechaun”, standing next to none in terms of quality. I’m not going to tell you anything about it. The title should be enough. Suffice it to say that the hilarity in the later episodes (and my god the finale) more than makes up for the weak start. Since It’s Always Sunny has already been renewed for a 12th season, cautiously optimistic is the way forward. The end is in sight, but there are good times to be had before then. REVIEW BY THOMAS ROSSITER

GOOD SHOW

HOUSE OF CARDS SEASON FOUR Wright and Kevin Spacey respectively). Claire makes an excellent strong character and the focus makes sense later in the season, but at certain points I did feel that her actions weren’t true to her character. Frank Underwood is a little more absent in this series and in the vacuum he leaves behind it is fascinating to see how those around him have become tainted by his evil.

Rob McElhenney FXX As the extremes of the American Presidential Primaries play out on our TV screens, House of Cards has gone from a respite from the banality of American politics to a saner alternative to the current state of affairs. That is a worrying statement, but season four, released on the 4th of March, has now predicted a Supreme Court casualty, a KKK connection, fears of data manipulation and no doubt other features of the Presidential race yet to emerge. Obama said “I wish things were that ruthlessly efficient”, he was not issuing a directive. Coming into its fourth season, HOC needed a change in formula. The largest difference is a shift away from Frank Underwood as the central character of the series. This season gives Claire more

It is a visually gorgeous show, with a refined colour palette and a full orchestral score. The editing is clever and the production values are evident. The musical themes do so much to build a sense of the grandeur. Horns do a lot when it comes to representing the promise of power and the oval office, with the cello for operatic tragedy. Season four sees less fourth wall breaking and experimentation with the episode’s formula, but the pacing still manages to build intrigue. House of Cards is like the best political parts of Shakespeare and The Guardian highlights of the Presidential race rolled into one.

agency, and really messes with the Frank/Claire dynamic (Robin

PERTH FACT WHAT IS A BNOC? ASKS FRESHER

LIFESTYLE

The current similarity validates the show’s excellent writing. When

Frailty is the theme of the season, it seems. No character is infallible, and events that were thought to be a sure thing turn out otherwise. The plot has little restraint, though it lacks some of the edge of the original season, which was pitilessly unsentimental. With Frank Underwood in a position of supreme power, writers have had to create a problem so he can build himself back up. Despite long outgrowing the original arc which ended with season two, House of Cards remains complex and clever.

REVIEW BY PATRICK BENDALL

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