World – Esha Jessy

McDonald’s:

The Eighth Wonder of the World

eshA Jessy is an avid fan of Oporto.

So, here I am. I’m lying in my bed and it’s 12 a.m. I’m listening to Frank Ocean and I’m in my feels for literally no reason at all. I just feel like turning on those god-awful Tik Tok lights I have and blasting ‘White Ferrari’. Don’t judge me, we’ve all been there. But my reverie is interrupted by the ding of a message on my phone. My mate is parked outside and wants to go on a Maccas run.

This will be my fifth time today.

McDonald’s is seriously underrated. From the basic cheeseburger with one slice of pickle, to the BTS meal and the fine-dining sticky tables. Maccas is a true heaven on Earth and here are ten reasons why I believe it should be the eighth wonder of the world.

1. It is the perfect place for a date. Who doesn’t love sharing a Big Mac, Lady and the Tramp style? And let’s not forget the intimacy of wiping the Big Mac sauce from the corner of your date’s lip. Mmmm...so romantic!

2. The history of the place is just fantastic. Did you know that Ronald McDonald is the reason why nightmares exist? He’s like a real-life Pennywise the Clown!

3. The MyMaccas app is such a great marketing tool. Like, once I got a token that said I could get twenty-five per cent off my order if I spent $40. How good!

4. The self-serve machines that never print the receipt are a great way to challenge your memory skills.

5. They are super sustainable. My dad used to work at a Maccas and saw his co-worker drop a patty on the floor and then proceed to put it in the burger, and that’s because McDonald’s doesn’t believe in wasting.

6. The bitterness of the McCafe coffee is scientifically proven to make everything you eat taste so much better. After a sip of it, your sausage and egg McMuffin won’t taste like a dry piece of tofu in between bread - it’ll just taste like the shit coffee you drank.

7. The red and yellow colours of the McDonald’s sign are rumoured to be like a hypnotic sight to the eyes, so every time you see the golden arches, you feel like you have to go through the drive-through. It’s like real-life magic!

8. Maccas tables are the best place to put your gum if you ever can’t see the bin right next to you.

9. McDonald’s is the best place to start your health kick, because the quarter pounders are made with 100% real beef. Don’t believe me? Just look at the packaging.

10. The chai lattes are so good. I’m actually not joking about this one.

Now, on my fifth Maccas run, after breakfast, brunch, lunch, afternoon tea, and now dinner, I sit in the passenger seat of my mate’s car. I have $5 left in my bank account and am about to buy a small fries, knowing full well that I need to get petrol tomorrow, contemplating why the hell I am here yet again. Why am I spending money I don’t have, on food that I know is bad? Actually, it’s not that bad, the McFlurrys are really good. But I got no pickles in the cheeseburger I had for lunch. It still tasted good though. No, it’s fine, everyone loves Maccas, and I love Maccas, so it’s fine. Is it? No, it’s fine, just buy those goddamn small fries. Fuck the petrol, you don’t need petrol. Maybe I should just try Oporto.

Nah, that’s stupid.