Valley Living Fall 2014

free!

Fall 2014

Getting passionate about

making music

Kids without resumes Team family: Working together when you live apart

The child who changed my teaching career www.valleyliving.org

48th Annual

Rockingham County Fairgrounds, Harrisonburg, VA

October 3&4 2014

Quilts, artwork, homemade donuts, applebutter, country breakfast, bbq chicken, international foods, antiques, crafts, music, and activities for the whole family.

Don’t miss the annual 5k race, sport clay shooting and live & silent auctions!

More information, a complete schedule of events, and reserved auction seating is available

online at www.vareliefsale.com

Do you like to build relationships?

Do you value setting your own schedule?

In addition to flexibility, we offer a career where the better you are at your job, the more you will get paid.

Media for Living, publisher of Valley Living magazine, seeks to hire a sales representative.

As part of the sales team, you will sell print and online advertising and be responsible for developing advertising leads. Must be self-motivated with a desire to meet or exceed sales goals. Experience in publishing and sales a plus. Flexible schedule – set your own hours. For more information, visit valleyliving.org. Submit cover letter and resume to mediaforliving@gmail.com.

Media for Living

1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802 (540) 433-5351 • mediaforliving@gmail.com www.valleyliving.org 2 living • Fall 2014

Contents 4 Editorial 5 Community Connections 6 Music lessons for adults: Getting passionate about making music 10 The child who changed my teaching career 12 Simple life 14 My daughter the policewoman 15 Peanut Butter-Vegetable Soup 16 The day I succumbed to peer pressure 18 What you and your family need to know about bipolar disorder 21 My life in four seasons 22 Kids without resumes 24 The benefits of kids being busy 26 Team family: Working together when you live apart 28 How to help when your spouse has breast cancer 30 Digital natives - understanding today’s readers 32 Grandma’s calendar 35 Word Search

6

26

30

In Every Issue

Community Connections pg. 5

Money Matters pg. 12

Cooking Corner pg. 15

Family Forum pg. 21

Living can be found at these locations, and more, throughout the Valley: Harrisonburg Christian Light Bookstore DQ Grill & Chill, Carlton St. DQ Grill Harmony Square Friendly City Food Coop Fox’s Pizza Den Gift and Thrift Golden Corral Hardesty Higgins Harrisonburg Farmer’s Market Kate’s Natural Products

Massanutten Regional Library Mercy House Mr. J’s Harmony Square Red Front Supermarket RMH & RMH Health Clinic Rt. 11 North Exxon Salvation Army Store Sharp Shopper Shenandoah Heritage Farmers Market Styles Unlimited

Bridgewater/Dayton Dayton Farmer’s Market Bridgewater Foods Supermarket Broadway/Timberville Broadway Supermarket Crider’s Store Mac’s Superette Mayland Grocery Turner Ham

Elkton/Shenandoah Countryside Market/Exxon 340 Market & Deli/Liberty Elkton Grocery Mamma Mia Restaurant Rte. 340 Flea Market & Antiques Mt. Crawford Joy Foodmart Exxon

Mt. Solon/Augusta Co. Zach’s Country Store North River Country Store New Market Randy’s Hardware 7-Eleven

Singer’s Glen Grandle’s Glenview Market Weyers Cave Weyers Cave Super Save

Penn Laird 7-Eleven On the run

Cover photo is of Lauren Strawderman, right, a teacher at John Wayland Elementary school, and Devon Wichael, a third grader.

Photo © Pinwheel Collective

Fall 2014 • living 3

Interconnected My high school friend, Debbie, was telling me how she went to help take care of her infant grandson for five months when her daughter had to return to her work as a symphony violinist. Deb bonded deeply with the child, often singing a particular lullaby to put him to sleep.

Many of us have done this with children or grandchildren. But even she was surprised when two years later, she was able to comfort him 700 miles away using Apple’s Face Time technology when he was asking for grandma to sing his song.

“It was magical,” Deb said.

There is something about music that connects us emotionally across miles and years. Many have also written about the power of music to stir and revive memory for those with Alzheimer’s or other dementia when nothing else will. Many of us find that music during worship services communicates deeply with the unvoiced sentiments in our hearts—and moves and stays with us long after the sermon has been forgotten.

This issue of Valley Living celebrates music and what it brings to our lives— whether your music is pop, country, classical, soul, reggae, blue grass, hymns or praise songs. One of our local features was proposed by Lauree Purcell on adults taking music lessons, not to join a band or become a concert or church musician, but just for their own enjoyment. She has teenagers, but is taking piano lessons herself.

All of our daughters took music lessons for a period of time and for one, it became the key to finally dropping a lingering thumb sucking habit. But I am most grateful that each participated in the music programs of our local public schools in band/choir all through middle and high school. Other academic studies and extra curricular activities are important and enriching also, but music gave them their primary friends and provided outlets for artistic expression and teamwork. It even became the career for one through James Madison University’s excellent music program, especially the “music industry” major where you also study everything you need to know to work with the business side of music.

Of course fall is always back to school time and I’m especially pleased for Anna Kathryn Eby’s moving essay about a child who powerfully shaped her own long term work as a public school teacher here in the Shenandoah Valley.

No matter how you relate to children—as a teacher, parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle, or through your religious community connections, Anna Kathryn’s true story can help you take time to really see and appreciate the children in your life.

Anna Kathryn declined being featured on our cover but another excellent current Rockingham County school teacher, Lauren Strawderman, invited us into her summer school classroom to experience a little of the magic that happens there.

You will find more photos from that photo shoot on the website for Valley Living.

I especially appreciate those who stepped up to sponsor our special “music appreciation” page and all of those who regularly support the mission of Living through their ads. I hope you will in turn thank the businesses who sponsor Living by giving them your business as you have opportunity.

Thank you for your loyal following and I encourage you to tell others about Living magazine and website. Look for a special promotion and giveaway near the Word Search page in this issue encouraging people to visit our website.

You’ll help keep Living strong and flourishing.

Melodie Davis, editor

4 living • Fall 2014

© BRADLEY STRIEBIG PHOTOGRAPHY

The power of music

Volume 23 No. 3

Valley Living inspires hope, encourages faith and builds positive relationships in the home, workplace and community.

Media for Living, Publisher Melodie Davis, Editor Paul A Yoder, Sales Representative Raymond Ressler, Sales Representative Mary Jo Veurink, Layout & Design Lindsey Shantz, Production & Finance Manager

Advertising

To reserve space in future editions (540) 433-5351 or mediaforliving@gmail.com

Media for Living Board of Directors Trisha Blosser, President David Rohrer, Vice President William J. “Bill” Troyer, Treasurer Tracey Veney, Secretary Jonas Borntrager Ben Roth Shank Steven C. “Dusty” Rhodes Ramona Sanders Jessica Hostetler David Slykhuis Opinions expressed in Valley Living are not necessarily those of Media for Living.

Published cooperatively with Media for Living, a non-profit corporation, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802 (540) 433-5351 • mediaforliving@gmail.com www.valleyliving.org Printed in the USA by Engle Printing, Mount Joy, Pa. © 2014 by Media for Living

Community Connections Letters, local events, news

by Historic Halifax (N.Car., just over the “Our daughter brought Living when she came to visit us border south of Richmond/Petersburg, Va.) from Virginia recently. I enjoyed all of the stories!” - Dorothy on Saturday, October 11. The coordinators Paetzell, Tarboro, NC of the event are bringing Historic Halifax

to life with colonial reenactors, period “It’s so hard to pick a [favorite] story, when all of them are music, dancers, and food centered around good. I even read all the advertisements. Keep up the good the book signing of Trissel’s August book work!” - Shirley Young, Harrisonburg release, “Traitor’s Legacy.” The bulk of the

novel is set in “I enjoy this magazine. and around I love to do the puzzle Historic and read the stories.

Halifax in May, 1781, the sequel My daughter gets the to her award-winning historical magazine for me. Keep romance novel, “Enemy of the up the good work.” King.” For more information visit Joyce E. Lam, Elkton www.NCHistoricSites.org/Halifax/

or call Historic Halifax (252) 583“Through publishing puzzle A total of 234 readers sent in their completed 7191. names, I met up with a friend I Word Search puzzles from the Summer 2014 issue knew 40 years ago. Thanks!” and voted for their favorite articles as follows: “A Corrections Ethel Ernst, Churchville faithful companion,” 79; “Words unspoken,” 65; “A • The list of words for

letter to the birth mother I never knew,” 63; “Nice ways to say no,” and “Paths of two immigrants,” the summer puzzle spelled “In the four years I have lived in tied at 31; and “Where does your milk come AQUITANE with one “I” instead the Valley, this is the one published from?,” 29. of AQUITIANE. local magazine that I thoroughly • One title listed on the front was read cover to cover.” - Lucretia written “A letter from the birth Carter, Weyers Cave mother I never knew” rather than “A letter to the birth mother I never knew.”

Local artist featured Local author Beth Trissel, Mt. Clinton, Va., is a featured novelist during a “Romancing Colonial America” event hosted

Word Search Notes

Responses from readers

Living reader recalls brother’s inventions

Delores Merrick of Harrisonburg especially enjoyed the spring issue of Living with its story “The Riverside Telephone Company” by John Tissot, about some young boys who strung up a working tin can telephone between several houses.

Delores’ brother Bill Blowers was into electronic things. As a teenager he and a friend made a telephone too, and enjoyed playing music over it. They lived near St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Bolivar, New York, which as many Catholic churches do, kept open doors for visitors. Delores says that Bill and his friend Sid somehow strung a wire from Bill’s house through the steeple of the church, and over to Sid’s house.

It worked well until the neighbors complained the music was interfering with their radios. One day Delores saw a truck that had “FCC” on it with a mechanism on top searching for unauthorized signals. Delores warned her brother when he got home. Sure enough, her brother and friends had to quit “broadcasting” and many years later repairmen at the church found wire the neighborhood boys had put in it.

Her brother’s electronic interests led him to Rochester Institute of Technology in New York with a degree in electrical engineering and then to Hollywood. Eventually he invented a light meter for cameras, dubbed the “Belco/Denove cinemeter” for which he received an Oscar technical achievement award for the role it played in lighting the night scenes in the film, Dances with Wolves (1990). Delores is proud of her brother’s many inventions and lives at Heritage Haven at Virginia Mennonite Retirement Community.

Fall 2014 • living 5

Music lessons for adults: Getting passionate about making music

by LAUREE PURCELL

T

aking music lessons as an adult may seem like a frivolous use of one’s time and money. Some people feel intimidated by the idea of trying something new.

But learning to play an instrument can lower stress levels, help build new relationships by providing common ground in a community of musicians, and help offset the deterioration of speech and hearing skills, says one blogger. (Nature Reviews Neuroscience, July 2010, is one among several sources quoting studies from places such as Northwestern University). Music, in all its forms, stirs our emotions and stimulates our thinking.

One such adult is Eric Hedrick. He was working in the maintenance department at James Madison University (JMU), and playing in bands on the weekends. He had taught himself to play the guitar in high school. Usually his impromptu freestyle solos sounded great, but occasionally the chords just didn’t flow and he wasn’t sure why.

So he shipped his motorcycle to Hollywood and enrolled 6 living • Fall 2014

at the Musicians Institute there. He sees his resulting twenty plus years of teaching guitar, piano and other stringed instruments as a long string of rewarding experiences. Nearly all of his students have come to him because they truly wanted to learn to play the guitar. Many have used the guitar as a springboard to learn other instruments.

Some of Eric’s adult students played when younger and decided to pick it up again, while others are singers in bands who want to accompany themselves. For many, figuring out how to let the music flow from their heart has taken years of study and practice. Eric helps each student learn music they naturally like because all types of music, from Bach to Led Zeppelin, have great value. “We’re more likely to practice if we’re interested in what we’re playing,” says Eric.

Adult music students have the maturity and commitment lacking in many children, but learning to play an instrument is much easier for a child. “Adults can’t just wish they could play,” says Eric. “They have to want to play so much that they

have great determination to make it happen.” Unlike sports, it’s never too late to learn a musical instrument. You can enjoy the learning experience even if you never play in Carnegie Hall.

Bryan Saville, a professor in JMU’s Department of Psychology, has been taking guitar lessons from Eric for the past year and a half. As a child, he learned to play the piano and trombone and sang in a choir. Then he switched to guitar lessons as a teenager and started his own band. He practiced several hours every day and hoped to have a career in music. He continued to play often while in college, but with each academic achievement in the field of psychology, his professional responsibilities took him further from music until he hardly ever played.

Then in 2012, at age 40, Bryan began studying the psychology of passion and came to realize how important it is to our psychological health to include activities about which we feel passionate. He decided once again to make time for the guitar and started taking lessons from Eric to increase his motivation. He now practices for one or two hours every day and loves it.

His goal, over the next year or so, is to join a band and start playing regular gigs again.

He can’t wait.

Bob Horn, Professor of Economics at JMU College of Business, emphasizes that, “It’s important to set aside some time, throughout life, to pursue creative interests and have stimulating experiences.” Bob started taking guitar lessons from Eric when he was 47. When Bob likes a song, Eric writes out the tablature (musical notation) and shows Bob a strumming or finger-picking pattern to go with it. Then Bob spends about an hour each day working on technique.

“It’s a great diversion. I can forget the ills of the world when I practice,” he says.

Bob meets with Robert Bersson, Dave Pruett, Elaine Hurst and Jody Hess each week so they can make music together.

They perform about once a month as the Countryside Garage Band and enjoy growing as musicians through their weekly interaction. Members take turns showing the group how to play songs in a wide variety of genres. Sometimes Bob will

For Zsuzsa Fox, left, an unexpected benefit of learning piano as an adult has been the fun of playing duets with her daughter, Andi.

Here they are playing “Heart and Soul” by Hoagy Carmichael.

PHOTO BY ZOE FOX

Bob Bersson, right, leads the Countryside Garage Band in a monthly concert at Braithwaite Studios and Coffee Shop in Dayton, Virginia. He instructs two adult groups through actual music making. Bob Horn, on guitar at left, is featured in this article. In back of Bob Horn is Elaine Hurst and Jack Greer substituting for Jody Hess. Dave Pruett is singing and playing guitar next to Bob. PHOTO BY LAUREE PURCELL

Unlike sports, it’s never too late to learn a musical instrument. You can enjoy the learning experience even if you never play in Carnegie Hall. play a solo while another member of the group sings. He finds the challenges of playing with others to be fun, and it’s done a lot for his timing. Bob enjoys participating in guitar workshops in other parts of the country during his summer vacations, too.

Being a part of a group of musicians helps beginners to feel connected to great pieces of music even if they are continued on next page

Judith LePera sits in front of the grand piano as her teacher, Mary Rouse, provides encouragement and advice for further study. Mary has also taught the writer for almost nine years. PHOTO BY TERRY LEPERA. At top left: Over the past year and a half, Bryan Saville, left, has enjoyed refocusing on his music with the help of his teacher, Eric Hedrick, right. PHOTO BY ERIC HEDRICK

Fall Fall2014 2014 • • living living 77

continued from previous page

contributing only a small part of the full piece. It’s also much easier to sound good when you are among a group.

Shenandoah Music Trail, led by Martha Hills and Don DePoy, will hold free weekly bluegrass jam sessions on Tuesdays from 6:00-8:30 p.m. at the Elkton Community Center starting September 16. Musicians at all levels are welcome as long as they can tune their own instruments. Group classes for many instruments are available at Blue Ridge Community College.

Mary Rouse, who earned a B.S. in Music Education at Radford University, has been teaching piano in the valley for 53 years. One of Mary’s students, Judith LePera, says, “Mary is wonderful with adults as well as children and is an educator in the full sense of the word. So I have learned a great deal about composers and music theory as well as developing skills.” Mary has helped parents learn the basics and stay one step ahead to provide support for their children’s musical learning experience. Other parents have sought her help to Musicians Institute: (323) 462-1384, www.mi.edu Shenandoah Music Trail’s weekly bluegrass jam sessions: (540) 209-3540 www.svmmma.org Blue Ridge Community College group music classes: (540)453-2215, www.brcc.edu/continuinged/nc-classes/ nc-music Additional group classes and bluegrass jam workshops: (207) 323-4800, www.meandmartha.com/ html/2010-lessonsandjams.htm Group Piano Instruction: (540) 434-1376, www.whiteselmusicacademy.com/#!adult-musiceducation/caj6 Piano Lessons from Mary Rouse: (540) 246-6363, MLRouseHouse@ntelos.net Private music instruction on many instruments: Eastern Mennonite University in Harrisonburg: (540) 432-4277, www.emu.edu/music/preparatory-program/ instrumental Josh Sprouse in Staunton: www.joshsprousemusic.com Valley Music Academy in Waynesboro: (540) 9428648, valleymusicacademy.org/ Private guitar lessons: Eric Hedrick in Harrisonburg: (540) 432-6356, www. erichedrick.com/lessons Bob Driver in Singers Glen: (540) 833-8608, https:// plus.google.com/108457313614813407568/about Banjo lessons: Hensley’s Bluegrass Music in McGaheysville, (540) 466-4810, www.bluegrasslessons.com 8 living • Fall 2014

have a musical goal of their own while focusing heavily on raising children. Some parents who have become unhappy when their children move away have enjoyed continuing to grow and be fulfilled through Mary’s music instruction. “We can keep coming back to a piece of music we have practiced in the past and enjoy it on a new level each time we refine our skills,” says Mary.

Adults who studied music when they were younger often regret having given it up completely. Judith studied violin as a child, so she had some sense of the notes. But learning a second clef and coordinating her hands has been a challenge since she started learning piano at age 67. Daily practice has kept her brain sharp and her fingers supple while she has fun seeing each improvement. She enjoys making music for the pure pleasure of it without the pressures of competition or a parent nagging her to practice. In addition, she has met Mary’s other adult students, including this writer, as the students play for each other from time to time. “It is gratifying for each of us to see how the others have improved,” says Judith.

Some adults feel that something is missing from their lives and they long to play a musical instrument. Zsuzsa Fox, an English as a Second Language teacher in Rockingham County schools, started taking piano lessons from Mary three years ago. She grew up in Hungary where children must choose one activity to focus on from a very early age. She committed her whole childhood to swimming, but was always fascinated by people who could play the piano with ease.

When her younger daughter decided to try piano lessons, the purchase of a piano seemed expensive for something her child might tire of after a few weeks. To justify the expense, Zsuzsa decided to take lessons, too. She was excited to finally try the piano and secretly expected to discover an amazing hidden talent. But, more realistically, she just hoped she could play some nice tunes for her family’s entertainment. Zsuzsa’s family, however, would grow tired of the same song long before she could perfect it. So, she forgot about entertaining the family and just kept learning and practicing.

After three years, an unexpected benefit has emerged.

Zsuzsa’s daughter is surpassing her in skill, but they now enjoy playing duets together. Her older daughter sometimes joins them on the violin, too. “It’s definitely been a bonding experience for us, and hearing each other motivates us to practice,” she says.

Sometimes Zsuzsa chooses to work on music she likes that is above her level. She doesn’t mind her lack of perfection as she challenges herself because playing the piano is relaxing and fun. “It is nutritious, zero-calorie candy for my brain,” says Zsuzsa. Rictor Noren said in Psychology Today, “Music gives us options. It allows us to see the world as we wish it were. It gives us insights into ourselves as it invites us to think big thoughts. It makes us feel clever … as though we are privy to an esoteric body of knowledge hundreds of years in the crafting. We become keepers of the craft” (January 16, 2013).

LAUREE PURCELL serves as an editorial consultant for Living. She and her husband Steve have two daughters.

You are warmly invited to...

Grace Mennonite Fellowship Pastors Richard K. Early & Mark L. Landis Youth Pastor Brad Kolb gracemennonite@comcast.net • www.gracemennonite.net

Two Worship Services Each Sunday: Service 1 @ 8:30 a.m.

Sunday School @ 10 a.m.

Service 2 @ 11 a.m.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” Ephesians 2:8 209 Lacey Spring Road Harrisonburg, VA 22802

(540) 442-6235

ADVENTURES IN TRAVEL November 3 - 14, 2014

“Lands of the Bible Israel/Palestine/Jordan”

Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Masada, Tiberias, Dead Sea, Nazareth Village, Galilee, Petra, Mt Nebo and more

February 21 - March 3, 2015

“Ethiopia - Exploring the Biblical and Cultural Places”

Addis Ababa, Bahir Dar, Gondar, Axum, Lalibela, Great Rift Valley, Meserete Kristos Church & College

March 3-8,Optional Kenya Safari Nairobi, Maasai Mara Game Reserve, Maasai Village, Lake Nakuru, Rosalyn Academy

Take a News Break 90.7FM WMRA App · wmra.org

Enjoy Classical 24

WE MC 91.7FM

WEMC App · wemcradio.org

April 27 - May 8, 2015

“Anabaptist Heritage Tour”

with Myron & Esther Augsburger

The Netherlands, Belgium, France, Germany, Switzerland, Anabaptist Cave, Zurich, Strasbourg, Bern, and much more

May 18-21, 2015

“Across the River”

Tour Retreat out of Williamsburg Christian Retreat Center “Spirit of Norfolk” Lunch Cruise, Norfolk Botanical Garden, Maritime Museum, Crab Shack, Shirley Plantation, Richmond

October 7-24, 2015

“Imperial China” with Myrrl Byler, Director of Mennonite Partners in China Beijing, Great Wall, Forbidden City, Xian, Sichuan Province, Chengdu, Yangtze River Cruise, Three Gorges Dam, Shanghai

For More Information contact Ed & Edie Bontrager 540-438-8304 ~ Harrisonburg, VA www.travelventuretours.com ~ eebontrager@comcast.net Fall 2014 • living 9

©THINKSTOCK

o h w d l i h c e h T changed my r e e r a c g n i h c a te

by ANNA KATHRY

I

N EBY

once heard someone say that it is easy to dwell on the pain others cause us, but real strength comes when we recognize the pain we have caused others and grow from that. I am going to let myself be vulnerable as I recall an incident in my early teaching career which became a growth curve for me.

After graduation, I set out to teach first grade in an inner city setting. As a new teacher, I quickly fell in love with the rowdy, boisterous children with their personalities, real problems, and lights burning behind their eyes. There was the child who wet herself; the child with a temper; children with learning disabilities; children whom I could attach myself to; children who created the stories that I would tell; children who made me weep or laugh.

It was in this setting that I met her, the child who would change me for the rest of my teaching days. She was a pale slip of a little girl, sort of white on yellow, her face an unfocused blur. Her presence or absence left no ripple in our room. Was she there or wasn’t she? It hardly made a difference.

Penmanship was stressed in those long ago days. I followed the curriculum carefully. A supervisor monitored me. My small charges practiced drawing circles and ovals. The little girl who was absent even when she was there, carefully drew squares and rectangles. I was detached, but firm, and one morning I said with cold steel in my voice as I passed her desk, “Circles and ovals!” My pencil bit down on her paper.

The next morning she was gone. A week later the truant officer reported to me that the mother refused to send her daughter to my classroom, because I frightened her.

I knew that I was a very good person, and in my indignation I turned to a regal, experienced teacher with beautiful, white hair swept up into a pompadour. This teacher assured me that the mother was only “white trash.” She and her children 10 living • Fall 2014

Devon Wichael and Lauren Strawderman at John Wayland Elementary reflect on good times at school.

weren’t fit to walk on the same side of the street with me.

“Don’t give it another thought, Honey. Good riddance!” But I went home with disquiet in my soul.

From the very beginning, my husband has been my best friend and mentor. “What do you know about this child?” he asked. “Why is she not happy?” I chose to listen to my husband. I phoned the mother. “I am sorry that your little girl does not feel safe in my room. Would you please allow me to make a home visit? Maybe you can help me to understand.

Please help me to be better for your daughter.”

The next morning she was gone. A week later the truant officer reported to me that the mother refused to send her daughter to my classroom, because I frightened her.

I took a coloring book and crayons along on my visit the following evening. I found a timid and frightened little mother cowering with her children in the presence of a huge, domineering father. I watched and listened. When it was time to say, “Good bye,” I knelt and looked into the little girl’s eyes. “I hope that you will come back,” I whispered.

Each morning I monitored the classroom door. And then she was there, fluttering like a pale and fragile moth. I found every opportunity to smile into her eyes; to gently touch her hand; to compliment her. I finally really saw her. I paid

© PINWHEEL COLLECTIVE

attention. I admired her subtle beauty and strength. And then one morning she labored on at her desk during “free activity time.” Suddenly she bolted from behind that desk and shot across the classroom into my arms. “Teacher! Teacher!” she gasped. “Look at my paper!” There were rows of perfect circles and ovals.

Through that humbling and heart wrenching experience of so long ago, I learned that teaching was not just about curriculums or even output. I learned that indifference to a child is violence against that child. Teaching was about SEEING and knowing the child. Teaching was also about receiving and growing personally. Teaching was about learning who I am and confronting the enemy who dwells within. I learned to select carefully who would be my mentors and the voices I would listen to.

I spent nearly 30 fulfilled years teaching young children.

There were the blessed children who came to me with their synapses connecting perfectly and their neurons sparking.

They gave sanity and orderliness to my classroom. But there were also children who were “other” like those with autism, the legally blind children, and hearing impaired; the angry, emotionally disturbed, and deprived children; the children who were mere shadows; the English as a Second Language children, the developmentally delayed and children with learning disabilities. All of these children, easy or difficult needed to be really SEEN and validated. They needed to be taught the joy of active learning.

I have been told by supervisors that in another life I should

be a resource teacher and totally concentrate on children who are “other,” because I connected with them so well. Those supervisors were wrong. My greatest passion has been the diversity of all the children coming together in my classroom.

I’m reminded of the familiar Bible story of Hagar, an Egyptian slave girl in the house of Sarah and Abraham in Genesis 16. Sarah grew jealous of Hagar and treated her harshly and Hagar fled to the wilderness. But she was found by a messenger from God as she wandered alone out there.

This messenger met her at a spring, where he pointed her to water which quenched her aching thirst. The messenger gave Hagar a blessing and empowered her to become all that she was meant to be. Hagar named God’s messenger a name which meant, “The one who sees me.”

What a profound truth! That messenger so totally looked into her soul and responded to her need. That Bible story was a conversion experience for me as a teacher and changed my life. It totally brought my teaching philosophy (Know the Child; Validate the Child) together with my spiritual journey.

I believe that God uses ordinary persons to be messengers, to really SEE others, and to encourage and empower the wanderer. As “God’s messenger at the well,” I felt empowered to help bring about a tiny “peaceable kingdom” in my classrooms as I invited all of my students to quench their thirst.

ANNA KATHRYN EBY is a retired school teacher who taught many years in Harrisonburg, Va., and Rockingham County, Va., schools.

  . . . where the past comes to life on a Brethren-Mennonite farmstead.

Open Wednesday—Saturday, 10 a.m.–5 p.m.

Join us for Harvest Day—September 6; 9 am to 3 pm 1921 Heritage Center Way • Harrisonburg, VA • 540-438-1275 • www.vbmhc.org

Petra

MARCH 14-26, 2015

Fall 2014 • living 11

S

Money Matters

Guidance on family finances

imple life

by KEN AND KAREN GONYER

The year we were married, Ricky Skaggs recorded a song called “Simple Life.” The lyrics are coming to mind now, 23 years later as our family begins an intentional process of “downsizing.” We’ve sold our place in the country and the adjacent acreage and will be moving soon into a smaller home on a much smaller lot. We’re singing along with Ricky in our minds (and we’re sorry copyright law doesn’t allow us to quote it in print, but you can hear it on iTunes) as we ponder what it means to live simply. ©THINKSTOCK

When the impulse to downsize began a year or so ago, it had to do with freeing up finances for upcoming life changes.

We knew that we’d need to invest in Karen’s new business for a season. With two kids in high school, we could also see college expenses looming on the horizon. It wasn’t just future concerns, either. We’d been struggling to live within our budget for a while, and life had become stressful and complicated. As we’ve counseled others before, families facing tight financial times really have only two options— decrease expenses or increase income. Because we were both working as much as we could already, cutting costs was the obvious choice for us and the biggest expense was housing.

Ken warily brought up the subject of a move as a “what if,” fully expecting resistance from the whole family. We have dearly loved our home’s secluded, retreat-like setting among woods and fields. We’d even told friends that we’d retire her—maybe even be buried on the property when we died! Therefore it came as a surprise for Ken to hear positive responses from everyone. It turned out that we each had a desire to streamline and simplify. Because we talk openly

Because we talk openly about finances as a family, the kids caught our excitement at the prospect of having some “margin” or wiggle-room in the budget. about finances as a family, the kids caught our excitement at the prospect of having some “margin” or wiggle-room in the budget. They of course thought it might also give us the opportunity to take some awesome vacations in the future, maybe even go on a cruise. After a summer with no real family vacation, we as parents could certainly imagine the joy of at least having the choice to take such a trip if we’d wanted to.

Somehow the urge to scale things back caused us to begin thinking differently about our lifestyle. It was as if we’d awakened some dormant minimalist gene within ourselves, Downsizing your living space—even before children leave the nest— can be an opportunity to declutter and free up budget for extra expenses, investments,—or even a dream vacation or two.

12 living • Fall 2014

something that dared us to consider how little we could live with as opposed to how much we could accumulate. One day Karen came home and said (semi-seriously) that she wanted to live in a “yurt.” A yurt is a circular, dome-like, canvas-covered structure with its origins in Mongolia. Some friends had stayed overnight in one at Cair Paravel Farm in Stanardsville, and it looked like the simplest housing ever. According to the Cair Paravel blog, they raised the yurt in one day with the help of a lot of friends. Theirs is 30' in diameter, 18' high at the center and has about 1,200 square feet of living space. Although that seemed like plenty of floor space, we realized there would be absolutely no privacy in a tent-like home without real interior partitions. Maybe that could have worked when the kids were babies, but not anymore!

Having gotten “yurts” out of our system, we started looking at “tiny houses” such as the ones built by the Tumbleweed Tiny House Company in Sonoma, Calif. They have plans for fully outfitted houses with kitchens, bathrooms, bedrooms, and living areas, all inside a structure with between 260 and 884 square feet of living space. Although some of their homes are constructed on trailers for portability, they aren’t RVs—they’re real houses. Studying the plans, Ken was fascinated with the dedication to conserving space. Once again, though, we sensed that no matter how amazing the house, fitting ourselves and two teens into a “tiny” house wasn’t going to work. It was just fun to imagine.

Our plan now is to move into a reasonably sized and priced three-bedroom ranch home in a subdivision only a couple miles from our current residence. As we prepare to move, Chad B. Nesselrodt 540-434-1792 800-289-2445 Cell 540-476-4342 bigltireco@aol.com

we’re kind of excited at the prospect of giving away or selling some of the stuff that fills our garage, storage building, rented storage unit, cupboards and closets. We’re also relishing the soon-coming reality of a downsized life—a smaller place that takes less energy to heat and cool, less time to keep clean, and less effort to mow and maintain on the outside. We’re looking forward to more time to sit on the deck, slow down the pace of life a bit and enjoy our lives together as a family. And if we somehow, someday, find ourselves cruising the Caribbean on a family vacation paid for with cash, so much the better!

KEN GONYER is Director of Member Care at Park View Federal Credit Union (www.pvfcu.org) in Harrisonburg, Va. KAREN GONYER is a real estate agent with KlineMay Realty in Harrisonburg, Va. Email questions to ken.gonyer@pvfcu.org.

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My daughter, the policewoman

by LISA LOEB

M

PHOTO PROVIDED

y daughter, Elle, is a policewoman. I am a writer lots of pushups. The daily physical and mental challenges who struggles with issues involving guns, weapons seemed not only exhausting but also emotionally draining. and violence. Elle’s decision to pursue police work One day I received a call from a federal agent doing a gathered steam during her college years and culminated with background check on Elle. Ah, I thought, a chance to voice an internship in her final semester. my concerns: My daughter used to be afraid to answer the When I first learned of her desire, my feelings were doorbell. My girl is precious. I have only one child. A female mixed—curiosity and a wow factor—but one emotion agent interrogated me: “Just the facts Ma’am.” I did my duty, overshadowed all. Fear. I calmly asked Elle questions. “Why as my daughter would have wanted. I reported her character as do you want to do this type of work?” stellar, and I described how she had developed a serious sense She answered, “Somebody has to enforce the rules, and I of responsibility. think I can do a good job.” I asked, “Don’t you get scared?”

Elle’s training included full body contact, plenty of bruises She said matter-of-factly, “Yes, but I’m not going to let that and what I considered violence. Of the training, she explained stop me.” it to me this way, “We’re part of a team; we go through tough I tried to hide my dismay. stuff together!”

Many nights I tossed and turned During week four Elle faced and had nightmares involving a training task she couldn’t police. My daughter has chosen physically complete. On a hot to walk with fire like the Indian day she set out to do pull-ups character in “Dances With on a metal bar, but slipped and Wolves.” She stands ready to fell to the ground landing on her “enforce the rules,” speaking her back. She was checked at the truth. hospital and endured three days I needed to stand by my of pain in her room. daughter, be patient and not be On her return to training a reactive. When I told friends gruff sergeant pulled Elle aside who knew Elle, many exclaimed, and told her because she missed “WHAT? The Elle who used to three days she would have to hide behind her mom is chasing leave the program. With tears bad guys?” in her eyes she asked what she Elle was a spindly child with could keep. “Just your boots,” shy brown eyes and lacey, dark she was told. blond hair. In kindergarten she I wondered how hard she did not want to ride the school would fight back. bus ... too many unknowns. Elle After six months of searching, did not do well with change a police department recruited and found it difficult to move to Lisa Loeb (left) never dreamed her daughter, Ellie, (right) would Elle. Elle sailed through the five grow up to be a police officer. middle school. months of academic requirements, In her last year of high school battled through the physical she began training in long distance running. She found new training and graduated. strengths to meet challenges and competed in a number of Elle now drives a cruiser alone. She says back-up is always races in college. I have a photo of her leaping over an open available but the danger seems ever present. Elle’s belt fire, her young, strong body is caught as she flies, arms flung contains 40 pounds of equipment, and she wears a bulletproof out—and she is laughing. vest under her dark blue uniform. She has bagged bodies, After college graduation, Elle applied to police training handcuffed innumerable suspects and driven suspects to jail. programs. She scouted government listings, filled out endless On a visit during a cold day, I looked at my daughter and forms and waited. Finally, after nine months of worry, an elite noticed the freckles sprinkled across her nose and her hair federal government program selected her. Elle shouted her blowing in the winter air. A feeling of awe swept over me. As news, “See Mom, I told you I would get in!” I made all the we walked, I reached for her hand and she let me hold it. I felt right noises, declaring how proud I was—and I was. I turned safe and happy. Love emanated between us, as warm as the my anxieties over to the higher power. I willed myself to be glow of a fire. positive and unafraid like my daughter.

Elle is a survivor ... and so am I. Elle was one of two women among 20 men in her training LISA LOEB is a mother and freelance writer from Pennsylvania. unit. On the phone I’d hear about timed dashes, marches and

14 living • Fall 2014

Cooking Corner

Recipes and tips for cooking at home

Peanut Butter-Vegetable Soup This is an excellent way to coax finicky children to eat their vegetables. Make a double batch, reserving the leftovers for healthy lunches throughout the week. The receipe was adapted from “Better Homes and Gardens, Cooking for Today: Vegetarian Recipes” and serves four.

2 medium carrots, chopped 1 large onion, chopped 3 cloves garlic, minced 2 tbsp. butter 3 cups water 2 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed 2 cups zucchini, chopped 3 vegetable bouillon cubes 1/2 tsp. black pepper 1 pint stewed tomatoes (or canned tomatoes), cut up 1/2 cup peanut butter (creamy or chunky)

1. In a large saucepan or dutch oven, cook carrots, onions, and garlic in melted butter until onions are tender.

2. Stir in water, sweet potatoes, zucchini, bullion cubes and pepper. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 10-15 minutes or until sweet potatoes and carrots are tender.

3. Stir in undrained tomatoes and peanut butter. Stir gently until peanut butter has completely dissolved and tomatoes are heated through.

From the blog Thy Hand Hath Provided, written by “Jane”. This recipe and many others can be found in Jane’s cookbook by the same name. Find ordering information on her website at www.thyhandhathprovided.com/p/the-cookbook.html.

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Fall 2014 • living 15

The day I succumbed to peer pressure

by ERIKA HOFFMAN

I

couldn’t have been much more than 6 when I learned the emotional message behind that saying: “Two’s company; three’s a crowd.” The feeling of being a third wheel must have happened during the summer before first grade in my old neighborhood.

My dad’s mom was a skilled seamstress. Her German preciseness was evident in the frocks she made for me. They were embroidered and resembled clothes Heidi might wear.

Not only did Grandma Christine spend countless hours designing and sewing my dresses, she also created identical garments for my dolls.

Mom gushed over her mother-in-law’s matching creations.

Mom taught herself how to sew after college and soon realized the meticulousness needed for the craft. Diligently Mom hand-washed these carefully fashioned outfits of mine, and she cautioned me about taking my dolls outside when they were attired in Grandma’s homespun costumes.

They told me I had to buy their “doll food.” I had no money. Then, Sharon said I didn’t need cash as they were willing to trade me “doll food” for doll dresses.

Down the street lived Sharon, an only child and a policeman’s daughter. Across the road was Barbara, whose Dad was a truck driver. I wanted them as friends, but I think my mother thought I was smarter than other children on our street because of what she’d studied regarding IQ tests in

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her masters program at Rutgers. I’d seek these girls out, who were a year older and seemed to prefer each other’s company to mine. Sometimes, they hid from me to play dolls by themselves. Their toys were not as costly as mine. And their dolls’ wardrobes didn’t compare to the hand stitched clothes worn by my baby dolls.

One day Barbara announced that I couldn’t play with her and Sharon anymore unless I purchased “doll food” from them. They showed me this “doll food.” It consisted of acorns, leaves and mowed grass they’d scooped up from their lawns.

I asked if I could make my own “doll food” and bring it back with me from my yard.

“NO!” they said. “It wouldn’t be the same.”

They told me I had to buy their “doll food.” I was worried.

I had no money. Then, Sharon said I didn’t need cash as they were willing to trade me “doll food” for doll dresses. I was required to get doll food from each of them, and so I bartered the lovely apparel fashioned by my loving grandma for a couple of Mason jars filled with twigs and rubbish.

I knew it wasn’t a good deal. But, this was what it took to be their friend. After the exchange, I played happily all afternoon at Sharon’s house and retuned at suppertime with my two naked dolls. Mom didn’t discover my trade for a couple of

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days. When she commented on how nice it was that Sharon and Barbara had invited me over a few days in a row, I nodded eagerly. And then she added,” By the way, I haven’t seen the newest dresses your Grandma Christine gave you for your dolls. “Where is that little dirndl? And the polka dot dress with the matching bonnet?”

I told her. She looked thunderstruck. She stared at me like I was an alien. Finally she said, “Erika, how can you be so dumb?”

That was the first time in my life anyone had used that word to describe me. Furthermore, it came from my own mom!

Mom phoned Sharon’s mother, and the next day the girls returned the doll clothes, but they didn’t ask me to join them again. In fact, they avoided me from then on.

What did I learn from being dumb? How did a lemon of an experience turn into lemonade?

I learned I was the type of person who’d give in to peer pressure. I learned my mom was quick to judge. I learned I could disappoint people I cared about like Mom and Grandma by not appreciating things they’d done for me or given me. I learned I’d let folks down just for the momentary pleasure of OPEN Mon. - Fri. 10 am - 6 pm, Sat. 9 am - 6 pm

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belonging to a group of girls who didn’t really like or want me. And while my parents placed a great deal of emphasis on education and IQ, understanding the value of relationships and emotional connections are important things for children to learn, too.

ERIKA HOFFMAN is a freelance writer from North Carolina.

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Fall 2014 • living 17

What you and your family need to know about bipolar disorder

by GEOFF WEATHERHEAD

©THINKSTOCK

W

hat do the following people have in common: artist Michelangelo, mathematician Isaac Newton, painter Vincent van Gogh, politician Winston Churchill, novelist Virginia Woolf, President Abraham Lincoln and composer George Frideric Handel?

They all suffered from extreme mood swings and breakdowns throughout their lives. If they had today’s scientific and medical knowledge, each of them might have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Yet, in spite of their emotional struggles, they were able to access their potential and live highly productive lives. Yet, a diagnosis of bipolar disorder creates anxiety and concern for an individual and his or her family. If you or someone you know has bipolar disorder, here are some frequently asked questions to help you understand and manage the condition.

Bipolar is a brain disorder, which causes extreme

While there is currently no cure for bipolar disorder, there are a variety of effective treatments. shifts of mood, energy and activity levels. Psychologist Dean A. Haycock, Ph.D., says a person with bipolar disorder experiences moods which “fluctuate widely and uncontrollably” causing the individual to move from “depression to mania (periods of great excitement, euphoria, delusions and over activity), from spirit-crushing and potentially life-threatening lows to dangerous highs.” Dr. Haycock adds, “These extreme fluctuations have a negative impact on a person’s energy level, thoughts, behavior and ability to function.” Although not curable, bipolar disorder can be controlled with treatment.

The National Institute of Mental Health (USA) estimates approximately 5.7 million adults deal with this condition in the U.S. Of those, half are over 25 years of age when the disease is diagnosed. Bipolar also impacts the lives of people around them: parents, brothers, sisters, spouses, children, grand children, friends and work colleagues.

What are the symptoms of bipolar disorder?

Symptoms are divided according to the manic phase and the depressive phase. According to the Mayo Clinic, signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder can include: If a friend or family member deals with bipolar disorder, find out all you can to understand the ups and downs and know what is helpful and what is not.

18 living • Fall 2014

Manic phase: euphoria; inflated self-esteem; poor judgment; rapid speech; racing thoughts; aggressive behavior; agitation or irritation; increased physical activity; risky behavior; spending sprees or unwise financial choices; increased drive to perform or achieve goals; increased sex drive; decreased need for sleep; careless or dangerous use of drugs or alcohol; frequent absences and poor performance at work or school; delusions or a break from reality (psychosis).

Depressive phase: sadness; hopelessness; suicidal thoughts or behavior; anxiety; guilt; sleep problems; low appetite or increased appetite; fatigue; loss of interest in activities once considered enjoyable; irritability; chronic pain without a known cause; frequent absences and poor performance at work or school.

What causes bipolar disorder?

The cause of bipolar disorder is not yet known but one view holds there may be a genetic vulnerability because the condition runs within families. If one parent has bipolar but the other parent does not, there is a 7.8 percent risk of a child developing the condition. However, if both parents have a history of bipolar disorder there is a 50 to 75 percent likelihood of their child developing a mood disorder. Another theory suggests it comes as a result of an underlying defect in brain chemistry. This may be triggered by environmental or lifestyle factors such as high stress, drug or alcohol abuse.

Today, researchers are working hard to predict and prevent this illness.

How is bipolar disorder diagnosed?

This begins when an individual or their close family members suspect professional assistance is needed. Candida Fink, M.D., a psychiatrist specializing in bipolar disorder says the process for obtaining an accurate diagnosis includes an appointment with a family physician to help rule out other causes. “Health issues, such as thyroid malfunction, menopause or nutritional deficiencies can cause symptoms similar to those of bipolar disorder. Medications and other substances can also generate similar symptoms,” Dr. Fink notes.

Secondly, the family physician may advise undergoing a psychiatric evaluation, who then may offer a treatment plan.

says Dr. Fink. This often includes the mixing of a bipolar cocktail. “Psychiatrists often prescribe multiple medications to treat all symptoms and to improve the drugs’ overall effectiveness,” Dr. Fink adds.

If a bipolar person is feeling well can he or she go off medications?

This is highly inadvisable. However, the temptation to continued on next page

Resources for understanding and managing bipolar disorder Books: “When Someone You Love is Bipolar: Help and Support For You And Your Partner” by Cynthia G. Last, Ph.D. “New Hope For People With Bipolar Disorder” by Jan Fawcett, M.D., Bernard Golden, Ph.D., and Nancy Rosenfeld.

“The Everything Health Guide To Adult Bipolar Disorder: A Reassuring Guide For Patients And Families” by Dean A. Haycock, Ph.D. “The Bipolar Disorder Answer Book: Professional Answers To More Than 275 Top Questions” by Charles Atkins, M.D. DVD: Shadow Voices: Finding Hope in Mental Illness, www.

ShadowVoices.com Internet Resources: National Institute of Mental Health: http://www.nimh. nih.gov/health/publications/bipolar-disorder/completeindex.shtml

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How is bipolar disorder treated?

While there is currently no cure for bipolar disorder, there are a variety of effective treatments. “A treatment plan almost always prescribes medications designed to treat your current state (Manic, depressed, mixed) and to prevent further cycles,”

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quit taking medication is great for two reasons: first, because symptoms have eased and, secondly, because the side effects are unpleasant. Specialists in bipolar disorder advise against “tweaking” or modifying one’s prescriptions and strongly suggest the patient first consult with their psychiatrist who may make a minor adjustment. Ongoing counseling is a powerful companion to medication for helping bipolar people manage their lives.

Is a bipolar person more likely to try suicide than a nonbipolar person?

Unfortunately, the answer is ‘yes’. According to Dr. Charles Atkins, author of “The Bipolar Disorder Answer Book.” “Between 10 and 20 percent of people with bipolar disorder will end their lives by suicide (some reports put this figure much higher, at 40 or 50 percent).” He adds that nearly one percent of people with bipolar disorder end their lives by suicide each year “or thirty to sixty times the rate of suicide in the general population.” Therefore, it is critical for family members and friends to act promptly if/when there is any suicidal expression from a bipolar person. “Thinking

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of suicide is a medical emergency that needs immediate attention,” says Dr. Atkins.

Is there hope for a person with bipolar disorder?

“Absolutely,” says Dr. Burges “With successful treatment, people with bipolar disorder are healthy and can achieve the kind of life they want and deserve. For the first time in history, we have a broad choice of effective treatments for bipolar disorder,” he adds. For patients and their families, it is important to maintain a positive attitude refusing to permit bipolar disorder to keep a person from developing personally or professionally.

Today many prominent people have come out publicly about being bipolar including actor and martial artist JeanClaude Van Damme, actress Catherine Zeta-Jones, television journalist Jane Pauley, actress Linda Hamilton who starred in two “Terminator” movies, and Carrie Fisher, who portrayed Princess Leia in the original “Star Wars” trilogy. Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder does not mean the end of a productive, fulfilling life.

GEOFF WEATHERHEAD is an educator and writer from the Midwest.

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Family Forum

Strengthening family relationships

My life in four seasons

by HARVEY YODER

On my 75th birthday I reflected on the four 25-year seasons of my life: Spring Planting--years 0-24 child number eight conceived in Amish love nourished by family and faith deeply rooted in Oklahoma soil transplanted at three to eastern Kansas emigrating by cross-country train at six to the garden that is the Shenandoah Valley and then at 21 off to Eastern Mennonite College Summer Growth--years 25-49 from deepening roots come shoots of new life and new love a growing love of learning at EMU, JMU, AMBS a love of camping as director at Highland Retreat a love of teaching at EMHS and Western Mennonite along with the love of loving the love of my life my Alma Jean having been wedded to me at 25 and our bearing family fruit in sons Brad and Brent and daughter Joanna while also serving at Zion Mennonite for two soul-stretching decades

Harvey Yoder and older brother, Eli. PHOTOS PROVIDED

Fall Harvest--years 50-74 counseling at Family Life Resource Center blessed to be a nonsalaried but well rewarded house church pastor while trying to slow life down enough to gather ripening insights to put in small baskets of radio spots and blog posts and other publishings in hopes they might nourish others as they have nurtured me meanwhile seeing our offspring launch and grow families of their own passing on their own lives in life enhancing ways and oh grandchildren Winter Reflection--years 75-?? can an old man continue to see visions and dream dreams will his God-blessed health allow him to pursue everything that still waits in bucket wish lists of all he would love to see happen in his community and family and in beloved church families and finally will he be able to lay himself down to sleep well content when his time comes feeling finished and fulfilled at winter’s end and eager to welcome eternal spring shalom

Harvey and Alma Jean Yoder and grandchildren.

HARVEY YODER is a family counselor and teaches parenting and marriage classes at the Family Life Resource Center. Questions relating to family concerns can be addressed to FLRC, 273 Newman Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801 or to Harvey@flrc.org. His blog can be followed at harvyoder.blogspot.com.

Fall 2014 • living 21

Kids without resumes

by ALICIA KLEPEIS

M

y daughter Acadia returned from school the other day, lamenting about her friends and their busy schedules. Every time we try to schedule a play date, it seems we need to book weeks down the road or squeeze a get-together between piano lessons, ballet and horseback riding. While conversing with the parents, I discovered some of these girls are playing three instruments. One girl is on three soccer teams and plays hockey.

Neither my daughter nor I want to get on board this crazy train where life is a series of tasks to check off a list. But that can leave her in the lurch, socially. What’s a parent and child to do in this era of kids who literally seem to be creating resumes before they have left elementary school? The simple answer: go with your gut. Back in the day, kids went outside and found friends to play with. We might have taken part in some activities but it is unlikely our parents had the time or

Children are all different but many savor just spending unscheduled time with you.

the inclination to run us to every activity under the sun.

Tip #1 – Know Your Child From what I have heard from my own three children and their friends, many kids today do not want to be booked all the time. If they have a passion for dance, sports or music, by all means encourage their pursuits. I am not suggesting kids have no scheduled activities. But it is the kids who ultimately are engaged in these activities so let them have some say in these choices.

Tip #2 – It’s OK to Say No Sometimes When my oldest daughter was in fifth grade, I told her she could choose two activities at any one time during the school

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year. With three kids, it is impossible to have each one choose more than that. We have one car and my husband’s work schedule is often erratic. But Lily kept asking to join more groups. “This one only meets every other week (or once a month).” I foolishly relented and, after a short time, we were both stressed and grumpy from all the running around. It gets very hectic and expensive to have many activities; especially ones that require purchased gear. Make a rule you are comfortable with and stick to it. You’ll be glad you did.

Tip #3 – Don’t Get Sucked Into Competition As far as I can tell, a major impetus for creating über-kids is because we think if our kids are playing multiple sports, several instruments and doing other challenging activities, it reflects well on us as parents. Sitting on the sidelines at my daughter’s game this fall, I was shocked to hear the parents talking about tips for the SATs and whether to send their kids to private school as a way to get ahead in the college admissions process. Did I mention my daughter is 10?

Comparing ourselves to everyone else may be human nature but it creates anxiety for both the parent and the child. To be sure, every child has strengths and weaknesses. We need to celebrate those strengths and encourage kids to explore the world—in their own pace and time. A good friend of mine called recently to ask me if I thought her son’s GPA was “good enough?” She had been sucked into the vortex of competitive parents. Turns out, he was the salutatorian of his senior class— and he wasn’t the nervous one. Take a step back before getting worked up about your children as compared to them…

Tip #4 – Enjoy the Time Together It may sound painfully obvious, but one of the reasons we all got into this parenting business was to enjoy it. Playing a game of tic-tac-toe at the coffee shop with your 6 year old.

Making spiced apple waffles with your teenaged son on a Saturday morning. Watching your daughter learn to dribble a basketball in the driveway. These are the moments to savor.

We all know years pass so quickly with kids. Your young children are thrilled just spending time with you, without having a specific plan or agenda. Is letting kids pursue their

interests part of your job as a parent? Absolutely. Is it just as important to let your children be children and not worry about having a resume yet? You bet.

And while this does not solve the problem of friends who are so “scheduled” it is difficult to find time to hang out, maybe they will also get the idea sometimes less is more.

ALICIA KLEPEIS is a freelance writer from New York.

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Fall 2014 • living 23

The benefits of kids being busy

by JENNY DEAM

M

y three kids were born in the mid to late 90s, an era when the perfectly respectable noun “parent” had just become a verb. To Parent: an active pursuit that requires vigilance, study and a full tank of gas.

I, like so many moms around me, attacked this verb with zeal, determined my children would have all of the opportunities my calendar and checkbook could bear. I was deeply proud of these little people, who seemed to blossom as they tried, and sometimes even excelled at, an ever lengthening list of activities. And, secretly, I was also proud of me, as I attended every Mother’s Day tea and sat on the sidelines for every soccer game. Sure, I got cranky and exhausted and was tempted to yell “Enough!” Who didn’t?

But I was also pretty sure I was doing right by my kids, and they seemed to genuinely love their very full childhoods that would be over much too soon.

Then, sometime after the millennium turned, so, too, did the parenting advice. Parents who a few years before had been urged to sign their kids up for everything were now being scolded for doing precisely that. The pace of overfull schedules was damaging American children. Busy was bad. The blades of helicopter parenting must be clipped and calendars emptied so everyone could return to the slower, simpler, happier times of the past.

There was just one pesky little detail: It wasn’t true.

That’s right. Along with a growing number of parents and experts, I see the pendulum swinging back (yet again) and am putting my stake in the sand: Busy is good, and sometimes, busy is even better.

The benefits of kids being busy Suniya Luthar, a professor of psychology and education at Teachers College, Columbia University, co-authored a study in 2006 that challenged the wildly popular notion that kids were anxiety ridden and doomed to drug abuse and unhappiness because there were over-scheduled, over-stressed and overbusy. She studied 300 eighth graders in an upper-middle-class suburb who were involved in about seven to eight hours of extracurricular activities a week, ranging from sports to arts programs to civic functions. “We found nothing negative at

all,” she said, about both the number of activities and the hours spent in them by kids.

Soon after her study was released, an even larger study surfaced that also took aim at the talking point du jour and found it lacking. Yale psychologist Joseph Mahoney looked at 2,100 5- to 18-year-olds and similarly concluded the more time kids spent in organized activities, the better their grades, the higher their self-esteem and the richer their relationships with their parents. Even kids who spent more than 20 hours a week in activities did not suffer, he said.

His ultimate conclusion was not only a lot of activities are good for kids, but he also wished more children from all income brackets could participate in as many activities.

“Busy can be good,” says Luthar. Whether rounding a base in Little League or being third swan from the left in a ballet recital, kids gain a sense of self and of accomplishment from involvement in activities. They also learn valuable life lessons about gracious losing (and winning) and discovering teamwork.

We didn’t have nearly the opportunities that our kids do now. I think it’s great they can try so many different things to find their strengths.

In my childhood, girls were shut out of most sports. What I wouldn’t have given to participate in a program such as Girls on the Run, in which my 10-year-old daughter not only runs in 5K races but also learns about positive body image and how to navigate the tricky pre-teen terrain of BFF-land.

The New York Times recently reported an economist at the Wharton School of Business found that girls who participated in team sports did better in life. The findings showed a 20 percent increase in education among women who once participated in team sports and a 40 percent rise in employment.

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Fall 2014 • living 25

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Finding the balance Cindy Tolbert, a mother of three who lives in my neighborhood, remains unapologetic for her family’s crowded calendar. “I think as long as kids are getting enough rest and a little bit of downtime to still be kids, being on the busy side can be a good thing. We didn’t have nearly the opportunities that our kids do now. I think it’s great they can try so many different things to find their strengths. With schools all but phasing out physical education and art, many times the only exposure they’ll get to those things is through extracurricular activities.”

Her 11-year-old daughter, Grace, is on a swim team, plays violin in the school orchestra, takes religious education classes and does hospitality ministry at their church. Nine-year-old Lexi is What is your child passionate about? Allow them to explore interests but find a balance between also on a swim team, takes piano, plays organized activities and down time. in the school orchestra, takes religious education and is an altar server. Jack, simpler, slower times. Simple is one of those loaded words 6, takes piano lessons, swimming lessons, takes religious fraught with smugness. In our house we don’t really do simple education classes and plays soccer, T-ball or basketball well. In theory, it’s a nice image of everyone linking arms and depending on the season. singing around the piano, but who really does that? The best “I know for my kids,” Tolbert says, “they are much happier family moments come unexpectedly and are just as likely to and content when they have fairly well-defined days—with, of come when we’re together at some kid event. course, a little bit of fun and silliness thrown in.”

My mother is equal parts critical and baffled by my Still, it is a fine and shifting line every family must draw involvement and the pace of my life as a mother. When I was a between presenting kids with opportunities that might lead to child, she didn’t get on the floor to do puzzles with us or read lifetime passions and weighing them down with misplaced to us every night. She rarely attended mundane school events. expectations. Luthar says the damage comes not from the It wasn’t that she was neglectful or loved me less than I love activities themselves but from the feeling the love and my kids; it just wasn’t in the parenting manual back then. approval of parents or coaches is dependent solely on their Sometimes I wonder which of us got it right. ability or performance.

Probably both. And we both screwed up plenty. Perhaps that I think we can all agree on that one. Interests come and go. is the truest definition of “parent.” Both noun and verb.

Parents need to know when to back off, and even let kids quit if they aren’t enjoying themselves. I remember one dad on the JENNY DEAM is a writer who lives in the Denver area. She writes for soccer sidelines screaming at his 6-year-old he would pay her national and regional magazines, specializing in family issues. This $5 if she scored a goal. The poor little girl looked ready to cry. article appeared originally at Cozi.com website.

Still, I’m skeptical of any wholesale return to the so-called

Team Family:

Working together when you live apart

by Gayla Grace

“A

lthough we don’t like each other, we try hard to maintain a friendly demeanor with each other for the sake of our children.” My friend’s comments confirmed what I already knew—her kids benefitted from her efforts toward an amicable relationship with her ex-spouse.

Children with a mom and dad in different homes often experience confusion, anxiety and turmoil. They need a stable home environment, free of tension and chaos, to develop a healthy self image and succeed in school. If you spend any time at your child’s school, particularly middle and high schools, you’ll notice the pressure and demands they face.

Minefields at home only create more stress.

As parents and stepparents, what can we do to promote healthy interactions and positive self-esteem? One of the best ways to promote success is to commit to doing your part in maintaining a friendly relationship with your ex.

I know you’d rather eat a cockroach than talk about how to live in harmony with your ex or your spouse’s ex, but it’s vital to the well being of your children and stepchildren.

That doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with your ex-husband, or your stepson’s When dealing with shared or step mom, but you do parenting after divorce, make every have to commit to effort to keep a cordial working having a cordial relationship for the sake of your relationship. children.

I will be the first to admit this hasn’t come naturally.

I maintained a contentious relationship with my ex for too long after our divorce.

Although I tried hard to not speak badly of him to our girls, I’m sure they could sense my disapproval of his lifestyle and critical spirit toward him when we negotiated visitation.

It’s important to remember our children are half of their other parent and when we speak badly of that parent, they turn the

26 living • Fall 2014

negative remarks inward, leading to a negative self-image.

As your children move between homes, help them learn responsibility by reminding them to stop and think about what they need to pack when they leave one home and move to the other. As a stepfamily coach, I often hear stepparents complain about their stepkids making multiple trips to their house on the off week because they left supplies, a project, a uniform, etc. Don’t enable irresponsibility by allowing them to return multiple times for items they forgot.

As a stepparent, recognize the adjustment your stepchildren go through when they travel between homes.

As a stepparent, recognize the adjustment your stepchildren go through when they travel between homes. Allow extra time on transition days for kids to settle in, focus and adjust to the routine of your home. Give them space if you sense they’re struggling ©THINKSTOCK emotionally.

Don’t maintain an overly ambitious schedule on weeks your stepchildren are there. Allow time to help with homework, run kids to ball practice or sit down for a home-cooked meal. Stepfamily relationships are strengthened as family members spend time together in a relaxed environment.

Also, consider what it feels like to a biological parent to have someone else take part in raising his or her child. And be sensitive to how your stepchildren feel toward you and whether they want you at every function or whether you should bow out and

let the biological parents take the lead.

As a mom and stepmom to five children, I understand the challenges that accompany kids moving between homes. My husband and I spent years negotiating schedules and seeking to provide a safe environment in which our kids could thrive throughout the school year.

But my stepchildren have now completed school and two of my children have exited the nest, leaving my husband and me with only an “ours” child left at home. Some days I think about what I would do differently if all our kids were at home again.

I think I would offer a softer side toward my stepchildren when they’ve had a bad day at school. I’d be more understanding on transition days when they’ve just come back from their mom’s house and need some time alone. I’d extend grace more freely when my own kids didn’t do their chores to my satisfaction. And I would insist on fewer extracurricular activities to allow more time at home for relationships to grow and bond.

Our childrearing season passes quickly and we’re left with fond memories. Seek to enjoy the hassles! Step back, take a deep breath and snap a few pictures of your growing child.

Then consider what you can do to sow peace with those around you. Will you commit to take the high road as often as possible? Will you do your part to co-parent in harmony?

Yes, it’s harder when kids move between homes, but it’s not impossible to find peace.

GAYLA GRACE is an author and stepfamily coach with a his, hers and ours family in Louisiana. She loves helping non-traditional families learn to thrive in their relationships.

7tips to help:

1) Don’t meddle in the affairs of the other home.

2) Maintain a cooperative and flexible attitude with your ex when discussing the kids’ schedules.

3) Keep conflict with your ex-spouse away from the ears of your children.

4) Encourage your children to be responsible with their belongings.

5) As a stepparent, offer grace and understanding to your stepchildren.

6) Consider the needs of your children and stepchildren as they transition.

7) Commit to a new tomorrow when you fail.

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If your wife gets bad news, she needs enormous support from the person who loves her most of all: you.

How to help when your spouse has breast cancer

by VICTOR M. PARACHIN Breast cancer was diagnosed. Once the diagnosis was made, my emotions caught up with me and I cried. The shock and surprise had moved on to fear. I had cancer! Cancer?

Other people got cancer, not me.

J

ane Handwerk in “The Breast Cancer Book of Strength and Courage” shared the above comments. Perhaps the four most frightening words any woman can hear are “You have breast cancer.” When that diagnosis is made, a woman will experience a wide range of emotions: fear, anxiety, depression and loneliness. When breast cancer is diagnosed, a woman needs support from family, friends and, most importantly, her husband or boyfriend. Here are six ways a man can help when his wife has breast cancer.

1. Be there. If your wife is concerned a lump in her breast may be cancerous go with her to the doctor’s office. If you’re at work and she calls you to say “it’s cancer” then leave work and be there with her. Marc Silver, author of “Breast Cancer Husband: How To Help Your Wife (And Yourself) Through Diagnosis, Treatment and Beyond,” explains what transpired in his home. His wife, Marsha, had a mammogram that showed something suspicious. Since she’d had similar readings in past years which were false alarms, neither she nor her husband were concerned. “But at 11 a.m. Marsha called me at work. Her voice sounded strained. I knew something was wrong. A very blunt radiologist took a second mammogram and said, ‘Sure looks like cancer to me.’ My response deserves a spot in the hall of bad husbandly remarks: ‘Ew, that doesn’t sound good.’ Instead of rushing home to her side, I stayed at work all day ... Marsha was left wondering, ‘Did I call the wrong husband?’” Learning from that experience Silver now advises men: “Be there. I was thinking 28 living • Fall 2014

‘I have no clue what to do.’ But all I needed to do was hug her, hold her and say, ‘This is awful news, but we’ll get through it together. ’” 2. Remember these nine words. A cancer diagnosis is the time to remind yourself of these nine words from traditional marriage vows, to love, honor and cherish in sickness and in health. A great deal of fear comes with a breast cancer diagnosis. One fear is abandonment. Many women know or hear about men who just couldn’t handle the pressure and bailed out. One man recalls being with his wife when she was diagnosed with cancer. “She broke down and cried. I held her in my arms trying to reassure her that we would do this together. When her tears ended, she said ‘Don’t leave me.’”

Offset any fears your wife may have about your loyalty by

A cancer diagnosis is the time to remind yourself of these nine words from traditional marriage vows, to love, honor and cherish in sickness and in health. telling her you love her; you’ll be there for her no matter how she looks, how she feels, what she says. Your love and support will see her through the darkest days.

3. Go with her to medical appointments. There will be a massive amount of new information coming your wife’s way. It can help greatly to have two sets of ears to hear and later process the information together. “In the crazy days after diagnosis, your wife will run from doctor to doctor, seeking the best team to care for her cancer and sorting out treatment

options,” says Silver. “Lumpectomy or mastectomy? Chemo before or after surgery? What kind of chemo? You job is to go with her. Hold her hand in the waiting room. Take notes or record each visit, because patients in shock typically forget much of what the doctor says, and what they do remember is often wrong,” he adds. You can also be helpful before appointments by asking her to sit with you and develop a list of questions, which can be asked of the doctor during the visit.

Silver adds this additional wisdom about such lists: “I’d be the keeper of the list. As the clock was ticking, I would gently remind her of questions to ask—but never ask for her unless she wants you to.”

4. Encourage your wife to let others help her. Being on the receiving end of help is very difficult for many women.

After musical artist Sheryl Crow was diagnosed with breast cancer she said, “I, like so many other women, have mastered putting everyone else’s needs before my own. For me, the mere act of letting people take care of me was a challenge. It felt completely foreign.” To her credit, Crow permitted herself to receive help and nurture from others. “The first week of radiation, my mother made eight different kinds of organic soup. My dad got up at the crack of dawn to feed my dogs, make the coffee, pick up the paper. My family took week long shifts to take care of me—or just be there.” As a partner, you may have to gently remind your wife that it’s OK to let others help out.

5. Resist the urge to offer simplistic platitudes. The dictionary defines a platitude as a “banal, trite or stale remark.” Resist any urge to reassure your wife with trite statements such as you’ll be just fine, don’t worry or

everything is going to be OK. Those statements are not helpful because they may indicate to your wife you’re not able to think about cancer in realistic ways. As a result, she may feel she can’t confide her deepest feelings with you. Statements, which are always helpful and hopeful, include I’m with you in this all the way, together we can see this through and I will support you unconditionally.

6. Get yourself some support. Being the primary caregiver for your partner can tax you physically, mentally and emotionally. That’s why it’s important for you to find a friend or two who will be there for you and with you. Be aware, however, not every guy in your circle can do this. Edward Lichty, whose wife’s breast cancer meant nine months of treatment shares his experience, “My friends are great but honestly, most of them were pretty tongue tied during Kelly’s treatment. I know they wanted to help but I also know they didn’t have any idea what to do.” However, he had one friend, Graham who stepped up. “He called and emailed a lot. He tracked our progress. He didn’t disappear once treatment got going. He was really interested in the day to day reality of what we were going through and was comfortable enough in our friendship to ask.” Lichty learned from Graham’s support.

He knows how to provide support to a friend whose wife is dealing with cancer. “I will be present. I will show an interest in the details of what cancer is like for him and his wife. I will stop in during chemo treatments, call him while his wife is in surgery, track him down at work to get an update and make plans to do some celebrating with him after it’s all over.”

VICTOR M. PARACHIN is a freelance writer living in Oklahoma.

Fall 2014 • living 29

Digital natives – understanding today’s young readers

by MAX ELLIOT ANDERSON

W

ho are the digital natives? A digital native is someone who was born during or after the introduction of digital technologies and who has interacted with digital technology from an early age. In other words, to a digital native, smart phones, computers and other digital devices have always existed in their world.

I see this today with my own granddaughters who are 19 months and 15 months old. Very early in their lives, they were already reaching for the TV remote, a cell phone or any other items that had buttons they could push.

Back in the 1980s, I produced a promotional video program for Nylint Toys. The company was about to roll out several large, metal, toy trucks, called Sound Machines, onto the market. It was quite a new concept at the time. This video would be the company’s new product introduction to their retailers across the country. Each truck made real truck sounds. My son appeared in the video and played with several trucks as we shot the scenes. I remember how his eyes lit up at the sounds. He was so excited when he was allowed to keep one of the prototype trucks. Right then I knew things in the toy business were about to change in a very big way.

Middle grade children today have never known a time when their toys didn’t light up, make sounds, sing or talk to them.

Before learning to walk, they had already become familiar with smart phones and the many apps available just for kids.

Marc Prensky coined the term digital native in his work “Digital Natives, Digital Immigrants” published in 2001. In his article, he applies the term to a new group of students enrolling in educational establishments.

Not long after, the debate began among authors, publishers,

30 living • Fall 2014

©THINKSTOCK

Young parents and their children have never known a world without computers and the many reading tools available today.

booksellers and others concerning the death of printed books taken over by electronically delivered books. One only has to look at the magazine business to see most of the old standards have either ceased publication, or they’ve gone digital. Many new start-up magazines are offered in a digital format only.

And a publisher like Barbour recently announced Shiloh Run Studios, which will publish original direct-to-digital serialized fiction. Expect to see a lot more publishers doing the same thing.

A recent news story reported, “Bexar County, Texas has opened a new library that has no books inside. Instead the library is outfitted with iPad stations and iMacs loaded with digital books available to check out, making it the first digital library in the country.

The library is called the BiblioTech. Patrons can check out eBooks, audiobooks and software training databases, as well as eReaders. The library also hosts computer classes and patrons can use laptops, tablets and desktops at the branch.”

I’m often asked to speak to elementary students in schools. One of the first times I did this, I remember telling the students I had grown up at a time when there were no microwave ovens, no cell phones, computers or any of the other “necessities” kids depend on today. When I tell them it seemed like our family must have been the last one in the world to have a TV, and I had to go to friends’ houses just to watch one, sighs break out across the room from those digital natives. The sighs are quickly followed by comments like, “No microwave?” “No video games?” “I couldn’t live without a TV,” “I’d die,” or “How awful.”

Today I’m participating in a new serialized story concept with a publisher and will be creating serialized stories for

middle grade readers. Each story will have a number of segments. Most segments end with a cliffhanger, then the story will finally reach its exciting conclusion. Next, the same characters find themselves in a new adventure or mystery.

The title for this series is, “The Accidental Adventures of Kurt Benson and His Friends, Riley and Jordan.” And my first mystery is, “The Cat Burglars.” You can see a sneak peek at maxelliotandersonaccidentaladventures.blogspot.com.

Recent research concludes that readers, adult and children, want their reading material in shorter versions, especially if it’s to be read on an electronic device. Articles ask the question, “Are Smaller, Shorter Books More Appealing to Time-crunched Readers?” The answer from several sources seems to be yes. Even my printed books are shorter than most. The reason for this is I believe it gives young readers a sense of accomplishment when they reach “The End” on the final page. I’m not asking them to commit more time than necessary in order to enjoy reading. And with this new concept of delivering each new chapter, by subscription, for reading on digital devices, middle grade readers will have new options for their reading time.

It’s never been more important to get kids reading, no matter where they choose to find their information. And exciting stories, with cliffhanger chapter endings, delivered to their smart phones and other devices, are a great place to start attracting the digital natives all around us.

MAX ELLIOT ANDERSON is a freelance writer living in Illinois.

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Fall 2014 • living 31

Grandma’s calendar

by NANCY HOAG

H

©THINKSTOCK

er floral teacup in the palm of my hand, I remembered the day she’d given me her only pretty dishes—each piece purchased singly during the ‘30s when she’d waited tables seventeen hours a day to feed herself and her children. “I don’t want them going to anyone else,” she’d said.

“I do love her, and I should go,” I breathed. “But I’m so busy.”

My husband gave me the look that said, “You’re digging pretty deep for excuses.”

Well let him look. My calendar was full. Maybe I could just call her instead.

“She hasn’t had a very good time of it, Babe, and she needs you,” Scotty said.

It was true, not a very good time of it at all. Not as a child, nor as a young wife and then as a single mother and eventually back again with my grandfather. And, now, not a very good time of it—this same grandfather’s death had left her lonely and alone.

“You’re right,” I said. “I need to go.”

Traffic was light. The mountains glistened. If Grandma had come to our house, I’d have taken her to see them, but her arthritis had been acting up.

In western Montana, I spotted a farm and recalled Grandma’s sharing the stories of her growing up in the country and the love and faith in her family. If I hadn’t spent time with Grandma or listened to her read her Bible— Entering Idaho, I imagined my great-grandfather’s homestead. Grandma had told me about her father’s goodness and losing her mother—and trusting God. Though I often felt useless and homely, Grandma had

made me feel good about me at her house. “You’re special,” she’d say, wrapping me in her hug. Today I spoke before hundreds of women and encouraged them. And I needed to go tell Grandma.

“But the timing—” “Yup, the world will be in limbo while you’re away,” I imagined Scotty saying.

Okay, so nothing would come to a standstill in my absence.

The brunch would go on; the women would discuss. I just hoped they wouldn’t be discussing me.

Nearing her neighborhood, I recalled overnights at Grandma’s, singing “All-ee All-ee outs in free” over her rooftop, digging red potatoes for suppers that included jam and watermelon pickles, drying dishes in my very own apron, snuggling into the bed with my very own books and the feel of soft flannel under my chin.

Rounding Grandma’s corner, I remembered her purple grapes and helping ourselves to samples, making clothespin dolls and reading about Peter Pan and Wendy.

I hadn’t yet parked in Grandma’s gravel drive when she appeared. Arms praising, apron and dress fresh-pressed. She hadn’t donned her church hat, but I wondered if I might again find her jaunty collection in flowers, felt and grosgrain in her

Spending precious time with a beloved relative or friend will likely never be time regretted.

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old highboy. Had she tossed the ones that once “belonged to” me?

Hopscotching, she made her way across the thin strip of lawn. Wearing patched hose, sensible shoes, hair more snowy than I’d remembered and—even standing tall—coming only to my chin, her face was still pretty; her perfume blended with the scent of the parsnips no doubt simmering on her oldfashioned stove.

“Oh … oh … ” she sang, hugging me as if I were a child and steering me up the freshly painted, not-so-sturdy stairs.

“So glad!” I heard, as I deposited my belongings where I would spend the night in the twin bed next to hers.

Passing through the den, I touched the keys of Grandpa’s old piano; considered my tote full of letters and lists and letters; doubted I would sleep.

I’d only just pulled my chair up to her wooden table— thinking how still this house was and how animated mine would be—when I spotted Grandma’s calendar with one filled square, and suddenly all I’d thought so important paled, as I read three handwritten words: “Nancy’s coming today.”

We lost Grandma not long after, and for some time I’d take long walks and remember how—because I’d thought my calendar was so important—I’d almost missed a promise made to my grandma at whose feet I’d once sat, my grandma with picture books and telling me all about God. My grandma and

our last evening together making chocolate malts for supper— while I told her how much she’d given to me, how she’d planted good seeds in my heart and how she alone had made me feel loved and wanted.

And then, one morning as I gathered the lilies she had loved so and watched a sunrise fill my garden, I suddenly knew I would again hear her singing where the safe place was—and she would write on her heavenly calendar, “Nancy’s coming today.”

NANCY HOAG is a freelance writer living in Montana.

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On Route 42 South of Harrisonburg Open Thurs-Sat 9-6

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Adult, Youth and Children’s Sunday School Classes — meet at 9:50 a.m.

Care Groups meet throughout the area during the week.

King’s Kids Friday Night — 6:00 p.m. first Friday of the month for ages 4 through 5th grade. Supper, Bible lessons, crafts, games, skits, music, etc.

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Fall 2014 • living 33

Congratulations…

to those who successfully completed the word search from the Summer issue of Living.

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Visit our website www.valleyliving.org

and be entered in a drawing to win a free copy of a beautiful cookbook, “Mennonite Girls Can Cook Celebrations” by the popular bloggers of Mennonite Girls Can Cook website. To enter, go to the Valley Living website puzzle page; download, print, and complete the puzzle. Then send it in by mail.

If you do not go online or have access to a printer, work with a child or grandchild— have them complete a puzzle from the website while you complete the puzzle printed in the magazine. Send both of the puzzles in to be entered in this special drawing. Many of the recipes in this book featuring family celebrations (birthday parties, baby showers, wedding showers, camping) will appeal to a child. To qualify for the drawing, a magazine entry must be accompanied by a completed entry downloaded from the website.

To summarize, there are two ways to enter: 1. Download and print a puzzle from our website, complete it, and mail it in, or 2. Complete a puzzle from the pages of the magazine version of Valley Living and send it in, along with an additional downloaded, printed, and completed puzzle from the website. Both entries will be entered separately in the drawing.

One winner will be announced in the winter edition of Valley Living. Thanks!

34 living • Fall 2014

The skeleton:

Let’s bone up on the subject

by JEANETTE BAER SHOWALTER If there’s one subject worth boning up on, it’s bones! We’ve grown up singing about the “head bone connected to the neck bone” in the spiritual “Dem Dry The Skeleton: Bones” and we memorized many of their names and positions in school. But do remember the three smallest bones (hammer, anvil and stirrup) located in Let's Bone Up on you the Subject the ear? As autumn approaches, school children across the nation will either be

by Jeanette Baer studying Showalter the skeleton or wearing one as a Halloween costume. Make no bones about it, the following are all found in the puzzle either forward, backward, horizontally, vertically, or diagonally.

Note: The words carpals and tarsals are found both by themselves and with the prefix meta.

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state

zip

S

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Mail by October 29 2014, to Living, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802.

Fall 2014 • living 35

“Music touches us emotionally, where words alone can’t.”

- actor Johnny Depp

Celebrating Music!

Whether it is through church, school, home, or in the community, involvement in the musical arts and music education can improve grades and brainpower, build friendships, lead to careers, enhance spiritual reflection and worship, and reduce stress at any age.

Ray Ressler, 820-9900 Paul A Yoder, 810-0923 Living ad sales representatives

Clark & Bradshaw

92 N. Liberty St. • Harrisonburg 540-433-2601

Explore music through our Preparatory Music Program! emu.edu/music/preparatory-program/

540-432-4277

Bernard & Joan Martin

Compliments of a Friend

Park View Appliance Service, Inc.

Byard & Betty Deputy

John & Mary Ann Heatwole Helping students of all ages learn to play piano.

Mary Rouse MLRouseHouse@ntelos.net

Glendon Blosser Dorothy Hartman

Suter Engineering

540-434-8179

205 Dry River Rd. • Bridgewater 540-810-3239

Friends of Valley Living

David Rohrer

Jonas Borntrager

Stuart & Melodie Davis

Living celebrates “Piano Month” in September with several features on music, supported by these generous friends and businesses in the Shenandoah Valley—a place rich in musical history and tradition, with outstanding opportunities in both public and private settings.

36 living • Fall 2014