Valley Living Summer 2015 by Valley Living

free! Summer 2015

The Steel Wheels Rolling with fiddler Eric Brubakerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s family

Also: Celebrating 20 years of classical ballet theater in the Valley Spotlight on Josh Sundquist

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Sales Representative Needed Do you like to build relationships? Do you value setting your own schedule? In addition to flexibility, we oﬀer a career where the better you are at your job, the more you will get paid. Media for Living, publisher of Valley Living magazine, seeks to hire a sales representative. As part of the sales team, you will sell print and online advertising and be responsible for developing advertising leads. Must be self-motivated with a desire to meet or exceed sales goals. Experience in publishing and sales a plus. Flexible schedule – set your own hours. For more information, visit valleyliving.org. Submit cover letter and resume to info@valleyliving.org.

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2 living • Summer 2015

Contents 4 Editorial 5 Community Connections 6 The Steel Wheels: Rolling with fiddler Eric Brubaker’s family 9 Just in time 10 Celebrating 20 years of classical ballet theater in the Valley 12 A son’s Father’s Day 13 Marriage–A creative committee of two 14 Real life can be a budget buster 16 Feeling better, one gift bag at a time

18 Chicken Zucchini (or Green Bean) Stuffing Casserole 19 Josh Sundquist, motivational speaker and author 20 The Virginia roots of Mary Emma Showalter’s cookbook 22 My son, resilient

24 Baby, buckle up! Traveling with babies and young children 26 A special doily 28 Mother’s Day without a mom 30 A day to remember 32 Reach beyond an ordinary marriage

35 Word Search

In Every Issue

Community Connections pg. 5

Family Forum pg. 13

Money Matters pg. 14

Cooking Corner pg. 18

Shenandoah Spotlight pg. 19

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Mercy House Mr. J’s Harmony Square Red Front Supermarket Sentara RMH Clinic Sentara RMH Medical Center Rt. 11 North Exxon Salvation Army Store Sharp Shopper Shenandoah Heritage Farmers Market Styles Unlimited

Bridgewater/Dayton Dayton Farmer’s Market Bridgewater Foods Supermarket Broadway/Timberville Broadway Supermarket Crider’s Store Mac’s Superette Turner Ham

Elkton/Shenandoah Countryside Market/Exxon 340 Market & Deli/Liberty Elkton Grocery Mamma Mia Restaurant Linville Mac’s Market

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Penn Laird 7-Eleven On The Run

Mt. Solon/Augusta Co. Zach’s Country Store North River Country Store

Singer’s Glen Grandle’s Glenview Market

New Market Randy’s Hardware 7-Eleven

Weyers Cave Weyers Cave Super Save

Cover photo: Norah, Eric and Lydia Brubaker relax in the doorway to their home during a recent break from The Steel Wheels band touring schedule © PINWHEEL COLLECTIVE

Summer 2015 • living 3

Interconnected © BRADLEY STRIEBIG PHOTOGRAPHY

The fine art of photographing families

Many readers got involved helping us choose the cover for this issue of Valley Living through our Facebook page, “Valley Living for the Whole Family.” Our cover story this issue features the family of Eric and Peggy Brubaker, just one of four beautiful families from the Shenandoah Valley in the now nationally-known band, The Steel Wheels. The group began like most bands with part time gigs but is now touring full time. Our board member Bonnie Hamilton encouraged us to talk to the Brubakers about how they and the other band members manage family life with the challenge of many days spent apart when the band travels. Lauree Purcell enjoyed interviewing the Brubakers and writing the story which begins on page 6. Here at Valley Living we’ve made a commitment to feature more local persons and families, including on each cover, instead of using “generic stock” photography that comes from anywhere—for a lot of reasons. But photographing regular folks instead of models in an engaging and attractive manner—and working on an outdoor photo in midApril for a summer issue can be challenging. The issues are the same for anyone having a photo session. You have to deal with weather, real children who may be excited but tired, who want to cooperate without getting cute clothes dirty on a muddy day, while posing (but looking natural), and thrust into a situation of smiling for a stranger they’ve never met before. Or with children, you never know when an idea pops into their heads of something more fun to do, such as suddenly running off and wanting to show everyone the eggs she gathered! All of that aside, Amelia, a photographer from Pinwheel Collective, got some beautiful, natural looking photographs capturing a slice of the love, relationships, and energy of a young growing family. For a photo that works for the cover of a magazine there are additional issues: we need a background where article titles will pop out and be readable. So the dilemma for our cover was the great photo you see there of Eric and his two daughters, Norah and Lydia, or a more inclusive and wonderful picture we had including wife and mother, Peggy. Volume 24 No. 2 Either photo would have been delightful, but we opted Valley Living inspires hope, encourages © PINWHEEL COLLECTIVE faith and builds positive relationships in for the one that worked best as a magazine cover, while the home, workplace and community. wishing it included Peggy! (You’ll meet her on page 7.) We could have shot more photos, but again, these were children, not paid models. When Eric and Media for Living, Publisher his daughters sat on the swing with the violins, Peggy was very gracious in Melodie Davis, Editor dismissing the idea of adding her to that set up since she does not attempt to play Susan Miller Huffman, Sales Representative Mary Jo Veurink, Layout & Design violin and wanted it to be authentic. So I didn’t think she’d mind us using the Lindsey Shantz, Production & Finance Manager photo of Eric and daughters in the doorway to their home. Perhaps your family will be having a photography session outside of a studio Advertising sometime this summer or later this year. Brad Striebig, another local photographer To reserve space in future editions (540) 433-5351 or info@valleyliving.org who enjoys capturing families, photographed our family last year (a Christmas gift to the whole family from one daughter) when our grandsons were just five Media for Living Board of Directors months and seven months old. Brad gave us a tip I’d like to pass on: if you’ve got Trisha Blosser, President babies in the photo, don’t even worry about capturing them smiling. All of the David Rohrer, Vice President adults need to focus on the camera and not glance away to see whether the baby is William J. “Bill” Troyer, Treasurer Tracey Veney, Secretary smiling. Babies are adorable almost any way you take a picture, although of course Jonas Borntrager no one wants their child to be crying or miserable through the photo session. Steven C. “Dusty” Rhodes Elsewhere in this issue is another lovely photo of ballerina Caroline Kempfer Jessica Hostetler in the lead role of Cinderella earlier in May with the Rockingham Ballet Theatre’s David Slykhuis LaDawn Knicely spring production, which is celebrating its 20th year offering twice yearly full Bonnie Hamilton ballet productions. Also check our Shenandoah Spotlight on popular YouTube blogger, author and motivational speaker Josh Sundquist who hails from Opinions expressed in Valley Living are not necessarily those of Media for Living. Harrisonburg. Finally, The Steel Wheels’ own family-friendly local music festival, “Red Wing Roots” at Natural Chimneys Regional Park is coming up July 10-12. Published cooperatively with Talent and opportunities for individuals and families Media for Living, a non-profit corporation, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802 abound in this scenic and supportive Valley community. (540) 433-5351 • info@valleyliving.org Valley Living is happy to have a small part in forging a www.valleyliving.org Printed in the USA by Engle Printing, Mount Joy, Pa. positive and healthy vibe! Melodie Davis, editor melodie@valleyliving.org

4 living • Summer 2015

Community Connections

“

Letters, local events, news

”

I love everything about this book. Keep up the good stories. – Mary Lou Shifflett, Elkton

Letters from readers Informative Thanks so very much for your excellent, informative magazine. –Ed Wade, Bridgewater Glad it’s at Super Save Thanks for bringing the Valley Living to Super Save. I missed the last one. Please keep it up. It is a good little book. –Janet Bush, Weyers Cave

Real life issues To the writer of your wonderful editorial of Valley Living—your stories are magnificent and have so many real issues. Four stories bring back so many life issues. I hope you keep up your good work. God bless to all. –Wilhelmina Johnson, Harrisonburg (Editor’s Note: Wilhelmina’s own story and long work in the Valley to help those less fortunate through social services was featured in the Spring 2015 issue of Bloom: Celebrating Valley Women.)

Need help finding a job or retraining?

eligibility for additional services; work skills exploration; networking skills development; job search assistance; and follow-up services to assist in job retention and more. All services are free of charge to career seekers and businesses through federal funding. For more information, contact Elizabeth Bouldin-Clopton, Director of Center Operations in the Harrisonburg office at 160 North Mason Street 540-433-4864 ext. 112.

The One-Stop Career Center, known locally as the Valley Workforce Center in Harrisonburg, offers a variety of employment services, training and career education programs. Those eligible for core services includes students, entrepreneurs, job seekers, those affected by a layoff, veterans, the unemployed, career changers, older workers, youth, those with disabilities, migrant and seasonal farm laborers, large and small businesses. Services offered Word search fans completed and sent in 248 include resume puzzles from the Spring 2015 Word Search and development; assistance indicated they enjoyed these articles as follows: “The in filing unemployment cat from heaven” – 67; “The hunt for Easter” – 57; insurance benefits claims; “Eating fresh and locally” – 56; “You don’t have to interviewing skills and go directly to college” – 40; and “When do the kids techniques; internet, become adults?” – 37. All articles are available in fax, printer and phone the archives at www.valleyliving.org/archives/. access; determination of

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The Steel Wheels:

Rolling with fiddler Eric Brubaker’s family by LAUREE PURCELL

ric Brubaker is the fiddler and bass vocalist for The Steel Wheels, a nationally known roots and Americana band. He and lead singer/guitarist/banjo player Trent Wagler, standup bass player Brian Dickel and mandolin player Jay Lapp began playing acoustic bluegrass together many years before their first album, Red Wing, became a huge success in 2010. They all met while attending Eastern Mennonite University (EMU) in the early 2000s. This will be the third summer The Steel Wheels host the Red Wing Roots Music Festival at Natural Chimneys Park in Mt. Solon. Eric, his wife Peggy, and their daughters Norah and Lydia live about five miles outside of Harrisonburg in a home Eric built himself in 2010. All of the band members are also dedicated family men with nine children between them. Eric, Trent, Brian and Jay balance performance tours all over the country with focused time at home with their wives and children. 6 living • Summer 2015

Eric started learning to play the violin through the Suzuki method when he was just five years old. By high school, he was seeking out bluegrass jam sessions throughout the valley and performing with various bands. While classically trained, he taught himself to play in the traditional folk and bluegrass styles. Even in college, Eric never thought about making music a career. Eric and Trent played bluegrass and sang in a choir together while attending EMU. Brian, several years older, played in a punk rock band with Trent while he was in college. Brian and Eric worked together for several years building guitars at Huss and Dalton Musical Instruments in Staunton. Jay was introduced to the others through Trent. They first met when Trent opened a show for Jay’s band at the time, which was playing a show at The Little Grill in Harrisonburg. At first, the four of them just got together for the fun of making the traditional styles of music in which they were all

interested. Since they all grew up in Mennonite families, they share that heritage and identity and still have some connection with the church. This shared background not only helps them sing beautifully in four-part harmony, but also shapes their priorities and commitment to family and community. Eric and Peggy became friends while they were both studying social work at EMU and shared an interest in bluegrass and traditional folk music. After graduating and getting married, they volunteered with AmeriCorps for a year, building homes for Habitat for Humanity near Franklin, W. Va. Eric worked for a custom homebuilder while playing local gigs on weekends. He did not become a full-time musician until he was in his 30s. The Steel Wheels first went on the road when daughter Norah was 21 months old and daughter Lydia was just 5 months old. That was quite challenging for Peggy, but having Eric away is now somewhat easier because the girls, now 7 and 5, are both in school. “We put a ten-day cap on our tours so that we can balance time on the road with large chunks of time spent at home with our kids and wives,” says Eric. “We can enjoy performing and then recharge at home while getting excited about our next tour. I put a lot of time and energy into my role as a parent, too.” When his daughters were younger, Eric created paper chains for them with a note in each link. Knowing each link represented a day he would be away helped them understand when he would return.

More information on The Steel Wheels and The Red Wing Roots Music Festival can be found here: www.thesteelwheels.com for tour dates & locations, music & merchandise www.redwingroots.com for festival info and tickets “Since we’ve all gotten married and had children at about the same time, we try to connect our music with families and to make it appeal to all ages,” says Eric. The band members frequently bring their children to the festivals and local concerts. As The Steel Wheels played at summer blue grass festivals all over the country, they decided it would be fun to organize a similar festival in the Shenandoah Valley. So three years ago, they invited the best acts they had seen in their travels to come here to expose a local audience and carry on the tradition of that music. The third Red Wing Roots Music Festival will be July 10-12 at Natural Chimneys Park. The Steel Wheels hope to help keep traditional music alive by providing an annual event where children can return for years to listen to and even learn to play acoustic instruments. “Our dream of leaving a legacy is getting Continued on page 8

This shared background not only helps them sing beautifully in four-part harmony but also shapes their priorities and commitment to family and community. Computers and mobile phones help Eric stay in touch with his family. They often send pictures to each other by smartphone. Lydia loves to dance while Norah is learning to play the violin with the help of her Suzuki teacher, Megan Tiller, at EMU. Eric helps Norah practice when he is home, and uses FaceTime and Skype to listen to her play and help her figure out new classical Suzuki pieces when he is away. Norah has just started learning the Bach Minuets. Peggy says, “We’re fortunate that we can expose our daughters to many different types of music, in addition to the typical children’s music.” Peggy loves taking trips with Eric and the band. She works part time at Gift and Thrift to allow her the flexibility to meet the family’s needs and travel with the band when it’s possible. She grew up listening to bluegrass with her family and loves getting to know the hospitable people Eric meets on tour who have opened their homes and provided a sense of normalcy for band members while they’re away. When the band performed in Nova Scotia, Eric and Peggy brought their daughters and extended the trip with a family vacation there after the tour. Above left: Eric enjoys showing his daughters, Lydia and Norah, how fun it can be to make music as well as listen to it. Right: Peggy and her husband Eric have always shared an interest in bluegrass and traditional folk music, and Peggy loves traveling with The Steel Wheels whenever possible. PHOTOS © PINWHEEL COLLECTIVE

Summer 2015 • living 7

Continued from page 7

fulfilled beyond our expectations. We were filled almost to capacity last summer, and ticket sales have been great for the coming festival,” says Eric. Red Wing Roots also provides a family reunion time for band members as grandparents come to help watch the kids and enjoy the music. He, Trent, Brian and Jay consider listening and learning from each other most important. They started out as friends with similar backgrounds and have played so much together now that they can guess what the others will do before they do it. They hope to keep their musical success sustainable by letting their audience grow organically. At first, they just played in the Harrisonburg area. Then they began performing at regional festivals and became known and appreciated in those localities. Social media is helping fans share The Steel Wheels’ music with their friends and get even more people excited about the shows. The Steel Wheels have many music videos available on their website and on YouTube, and short clips of songs on the band’s CDs are also available on the Internet. Trent’s writing is tied to traditional forms. Whether a cappella, bluegrass, old time traditional or Appalachian, it all has a timeless feel, according to Eric. Technology is making it easy for everyone to access all styles of music. It has taken many shows for Eric to feel comfortable on stage, but now his role there feels natural. “I enjoy the act of performing and find it to be a rewarding experience to help create something new,” says Eric. Almost all of The Steel Wheels’ music is original. Trent usually comes up with the melody and lyrics. Then Eric and the others decide how to harmonize and create their own solos. Eric is especially proud of the introduction to the band’s

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8 living • Summer 2015

song “Find Your Mountain.” He wrote it as a fiddle tune called “Mountains Quake” and then his music idol, Tim O’Brien, wrote a twin fiddle part to complement it so they could play that introduction together for the recording. Eric continues to write fiddle tunes, arrange music and work on the business side of band performances when he is home. The band’s goal is to keep improving the quality of their CDs and shows, and that takes plenty of planning. The Steel Wheels’ shows have an improvisational element to them and are never the same. The band often works out their songs in hotel rooms and during sound checks on stage. They say an arrangement is never truly complete until after they play it live. Nothing is written down, and the music evolves as the audience reacts to each performance. Many of the arrangements are flexible, allowing each instrumentalist to play off the others as they take turns soloing. They enjoy gathering around one microphone to sing their four-part harmonies. On April 14th, the band released a new album entitled “Leave Some Things Behind.” It centers on the themes of leaving, journeying or “exodus.” The songs wrestle with what it means to live in a transient culture, in a fast moving age and how that affects us in our relationships. They speak to the bittersweet nature of travel, with all the excitement that provides as well as the grief or loneliness that can ensue. The album explores the notion that when we leave, even if it is for the best of reasons, we can’t help but leave some things behind. The Steel Wheels have done four bicycle tours in which they hauled their instruments and gear by bike to each venue and did not depend on a van. “It’s a great way to experience the scenery, and we appreciate how local people open their homes to us and offer mechanical help and directions,” says Eric. Sometimes they will bring their bikes in the van and do a charity ride with fans on the morning of a festival before playing a show in the afternoon. The Red Wing Roots Music Festival has organized several bike rides, too. “It’s a cool way for us to interact with fans while building camaraderie between band members, too. There’s no separation between us as we all slog up Reddish Knob on a hot day in July.” LAUREE STROUD PURCELL serves as an editorial consultant for Living. She and her husband Steve have two daughters.

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Just in time by ARTHUR R. LEE

hen I was about 10 years old, my younger brother and I were invited for a picnic with our neighbors. We lived in Honolulu a few houses down the street from the Osborn family. Their children, Buddy, age 10, and Diane, age 4, were our playmates. We played at the beach until our lunch of hotdogs and hamburgers was ready. Afterwards, as Mr. and Mrs. Osborn relaxed in the sun, I decided to take a short walk, exploring a nearby creek that ran into the ocean. I was alone, and casually strolled along the bank in silence, nibbling on a few potato chips.

Her little round face was white. Her wide-set blue eyes stared blankly up at me as her long brown hair undulated gently in the current. I was headed nowhere in particular, thinking about when my lunch would be safely digested so I might go back into the surf. Then, I just happened to glance down into the creek. To my surprise and horror, I saw my little friend Diane submerged in about five feet of emerald green water. She wore a white sun suit and was lying on the sandy creek bottom. Her little round face was white. Her wide-set blue eyes stared LA

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blankly up at me as her long brown hair undulated gently in the current. I immediately jumped in the creek and swam down, grabbed her by the sun suit and pulled her to the surface. Her little arms desperately flailed the water as she choked and gasped for air. To my immense relief, she began to cry. Hand-in-hand, we walked back down the beach to where her parents frantically searched for their daughter. “Here she is!” I yelled, “She was in the creek.” In tears, the mother embraced her child and thanked me. To this day, nearly seven decades later, I don’t think Mrs. Osborn knew how close her daughter came to death. I also believe God sent me along that creek bank at that precise time to lend a saving hand. ARTHUR R. LEE is a freelance writer from California.

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Summer 2015 • living 9

Celebrating 20 years of classical ballet theater in the Valley by MELODIE M. DAVIS

n ordinary college theater stage is transformed into another time and place with dozens of graceful and muscled dancers pirouetting and leaping to classical choreographed music. Beautiful and elaborate period costumes transport performers and audience into the pathos, pomp or party scene of well-loved traditional ballets. Rockingham Ballet Theatre (RBT) brings all this and more to the Shenandoah Valley. This year it is celebrating 20 years of staging full-scale classical ballet productions twice yearly and not just recitals of children and teens demonstrating their progress in the disciplined art form. Anyone from any dance program or studio (including adults with limited walk-on roles and ballroom type dancing) can audition for these productions. “The productions are more like musicals, with a story line and theater-type set” notes artistic director and the driving force behind RBT, Susan Muterspaugh. She also emphasizes that RBT is not resting on its many laurels, but working toward the future and hopes to see the opportunities it offers expand. The laurels come in the form of RBT’s ability to attract professional ballet dancers to join in its productions as guest artists. For its 2013 “Nutcracker” run at Bridgewater College, RBT brought its first American Ballet Theatre ballerina to the Valley, Michele Wiles as the Sugar Plum Fairy. They have hosted professional ballet artists in productions for twenty years as well as professional instructors at their annual

“Summer Ballet Intensive” week-long training workshops. The roster includes dancers from the top two ballet companies in the U.S., American Ballet Theatre and New York City Ballet, in addition to professional dancers from closer by such as Richmond and Raleigh, N.C. “These opportunities are not only an inspiration for young dancers in the productions but for local people who can see fully professional ballet performed right here in the Valley,” Muterspaugh points out.

“These opportunities are not only an inspiration for young dancers in the productions but for local people who can see fully professional ballet performed right here in the Valley.” —Susan Muterspaugh For children and families who live here, Muterspaugh, or “Miss Susan” as most of her students call her, is pleased that through RBT and her own dance studio on Main Street in Bridgewater, Ballet Extension, children as young as the age of three can begin training that takes them all the way to professional dancers, if they are so inspired. Ballet Extension also offers a wide range of classes in tap, jazz, hip hop, modern, cheer dance and gymnastics. Earlier in May, Caroline Kempfer, a graduating Broadway High School senior, danced the lead role of Cinderella in the full scale ballet put on by RBT, with guest artist David Claypool of Richmond Ballet in the role of the “Prince.” Kempfer hopes to enter Joffrey Ballet School’s professional Trainee program this fall, where she studied last summer. (Trainee is the first stage of a professional career and is a highly competitive program.) This summer she will take advantage of local training through RBT’s Summer Intensive week—six days of study with guest teacher Kaitlyn Gilliland (of the New York City Ballet and School of American Ballet). On the application form to audition for the Summer Intensive, Caroline wrote, “I know I will get teaching on a par with what I would be getting in New York City if I were able to afford it.” Chris and Jenn Bryant are the parents of Hannah who began ballet in 2006 at the age of three on an entry level. Now Hannah is a sixth grader at Montevideo Middle School who has her own sights set on pursuing ballet professionally. Caroline Kempfer, a senior from Broadway High School, performed as Cinderella in Rockingham Ballet Theatre’s spring production in May. PHOTOS PROVIDED

10 living • Summer 2015

Students practicing at Susan Muterspaugh’s (pictured in inset photo) Ballet Extension Studio in Bridgewater, Va. PHOTOS PROVIDED

“We’re not the kind of parents who are pushing her, but that’s what she sees in her future.” Hannah knows she has benefited not only from the constructive criticism offered by the professional dancers who come to teach at the Summer Intensives, but they’ve “really expanded her view of what’s out there,” according to her father. Valley students who are currently working in professional dance include Madison McPhail who is a dancer with Peridance Contemporary Dance Company in New York City, and Daniel Ranck, who dances with Ballet Magnifcat which toured this spring in South Africa. McPhail appreciates the disciplined and professional approach Muterspaugh used in her teaching. “She took me from a young kid to having these grown up thoughts about dance,” reflected McPhail. “Looking back, I feel like I’ve been a professional dancer since I was 10.” McPhail took classes with Ballet Extension about four years before entering art school. She still keeps in touch through email and Susan “often comes to my shows.” Muterspaugh was born here in the Shenandoah Valley but moved away, including living in Paris. However, she didn’t study ballet until she was in her late teens, due to frequent respiratory illness as a child. She graduated from Virginia Tech, received her Master of Arts at the University of Virginia, and a PhD at New York University, taking ballet classes as many as five days a week in each locale. In New York she also worked for American Ballet Theatre before moving to Paris and finally ended up moving back to the Valley where she finished her dissertation. Observing that there were no classes in Harrisonburg or Rockingham County in the early 1990s focusing on “classical ballet,” Muterspaugh offered some free classes; one of her first students entered a summer training program with a scholarship just two years later, which made Muterspaugh believe she must have been doing something right in her instruction. Today she frequently works 12-13 hours a day in administrative work for her various dance involvements, as Artistic Director of RBT, teaching dance classes during after school hours and rehearsing for productions well into

the evening. She is motivated to keep going by “seeing the individual progress of students and how excited they get about dancing. They develop their dance skill and also experience pride and fulfillment from performing on stage,” she says. Rockingham Ballet Theatre was organized as a non-profit classical ballet company serving the whole community (not just Muterspaugh’s Ballet Extension students) and has been supported in part by funding from the Virginia Commission for the Arts and the National Endowment for the Arts. Muterspaugh also runs “Ballet Extension Dancewear Store” offering dance supplies for ballet students (open on a limited basis; call for hours). Information on summer all-day and part-day dance camps offered in June is available on the website. A July 27-August 1 “Summer Ballet Intensive” workshop of six days is still open for auditioning students; auditions will be May 30 and June 13. Visiting instructors include Kaitlyn Gilliland, a former dancer with New York City Ballet, who currently freelances with contemporary ballet companies and teaches at NYC Ballet’s School of American Ballet; Maggie Small, principal dancer with Richmond Ballet; and Sasha Yapparov, master teacher with Cincinnati Ballet. Visit www.balletextension.net/ rockingham-ballet-theatre.html or call 540 828-0026 for more information. MELODIE DAVIS, editor of Living, is the mother of three young adult daugthers, and lives wih her husband near Harrisonburg, Va. She also blogs at www.FindingHarmonyBlog.com.

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Summer 2015 • living 11

A son’s Father’s Day by KATHI WHRITENOUR

ather’s Day was a huge event in my house. My father had seven daughters and all of us married, so Father’s Day meant eight fathers to be pampered for the day. My parents, sisters, their husbands and children would meet at church and sit together taking up half of the pews. After church we would go back to my family homestead for a day filled with barbecue, home made food, horseshoes, softball and laughter. As wonderful as those days were, nothing compared to my son’s first Father’s Day weekend. The day began calmly enough. Saturday was my nephew’s wedding day. My son was to be the best man. My husband and I lived two hours away and we were packing up the car with our wedding attire and overnight bags, when we received a call from my son. The baby had arrived! My daughter-in-law was not due for another six weeks! We were in shock. Apparently she had gone into labor in the early hours of the morning and thus our first grandson was born. At my sister’s house, things were bustling with marriage preparations and when I called her to tell her of the baby, she was excited, but fearful because my son was the best man at the wedding. It was decided that her husband would fill in as best man if my son could not make it and understood if we could not attend either. We drove to the hospital and immediately went to the nursery. My son met us there to show us his first son. I was awed and amazed at the beauty of this newborn and instantly in love. He was perfect. I saw resemblances to several family members and I commented on that. When I looked up at my son’s face I saw the most unbelievable sight. A glow of pride and love had encompassed him, something so primal that it brought me to tears. This was the glow of a firsttime father. He’s a compassionate, loving, gentle man, who is not afraid to show his inner feelings. It was a moving sight. Soon the baby was brought to the room and I watched as my son held his child to his chest. I knew this man would be an exceptional father and was mesmerized at how natural he was with the baby. He handled him with confidence and agility. I was overflowing with pride and happiness. The experience ended too soon, as we all had to get ready for the wedding. We dressed at the hospital. My son donned his tuxedo, and

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regretfully left his baby and wife. We arrived at the end of the ceremony, just in time for my son to walk down the aisle on the way out of the church. We went to the reception, but my I could tell my son’s mind was somewhere else and he looked lonely and anguished. Just before the dinner was to be served, my son came to me and asked if I thought it would be okay to leave and go back to the hospital, which of course I said it was. His face brightened and once again became flushed with excitement. He returned to the hospital and spent the night, by his wife and son’s side, in his tuxedo. Several weeks after the baby was born, my son confided he never understood the intense feelings that I felt for him and his sister until he experienced fatherhood. He now understands. My son has since had two more children, another son and just recently a baby girl. Each time I see him hold any of his children, the same look of wonderment, devotion and unconditional love spreads over his face and my heart swells with gratefulness. KATHI WHRITENOUR is a freelance writer from Maryland.

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 

Family Forum

Strengthening family relationships

Marriage—A creative committee of two M

by HARVEY YODER

arriage is far more than just a business contract between two partners, but it does involve a lot of dayto-day decision-making about things like managing money, sharing household responsibilities and raising children. How we go about making those decisions makes a big difference in whether our marital enterprise, Jane and John Doe, Inc., prospers or fails. Does each of us try to get our way through heated arguments, or can we work out win-win agreements as a creative committee of two? Two heads are, after all, better than one, and a well-run committee elicits as many ideas as possible from each of its members, regardless of who chairs the group. Here is a proposed approach a couple might use to solve problems and reach agreements, adapted from my 2007 book “Lasting Marriage—The Owners’ Manual.”

be honored until it is reviewed and changed. how and by whom a decision is to be carried out, and what will happen if it isn’t. You may want to put both the agreement and a friendly, agreed-on “consequence-for-not-following-through” in writing.

● Decide

on a time for your next couple’s meeting, and who ◗1.6 Decide will be responsible for making sure the session happens

(of course, either can respectfully ask for a special session at any time).

to make this fun, keep it under an hour and end with ◗1.7 Try some activity you both enjoy. HARVEY YODER is a family counselor and teaches parenting and marriage classes at the Family Life Resource Center. Questions relating to family concerns can be addressed to FLRC, 273 Newman Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801 or to Harvey@flrc.org. His blog can be followed at harvyoder.blogspot.com.

For Regular Couple’s Meetings

◗1.1 Share compliments and appreciations. ◗1.2 Review any unfinished business from past meetings. over your calendar for the upcoming week, including ◗1.3 Goscheduling a date for the two of you. ◗1.4 Discuss financial issues, take care of paying bills, etc. on an agenda of other issues, then tackle one item or ◗1.5 Agree problem at a time, as follows: ● First

discuss each issue in terms of each of your underlying interests (why this is important), rather than first stating your positions (what you think should be done). ● Don’t interrupt. Take turns being the speaker and then the listener. When you are the listener, make sure you fully understand the other to their satisfaction before you take your turn to speak. ● Take time to brainstorm possible solutions, generating as many new options as possible (no evaluating or critiquing during this part of the process). ● After discussing some of the better options you’ve come up with 1) decide by consensus, 2) delay a decision if you can’t come up with a win-win solution, 3) agree on a temporary or interim solution, or 4) decide to see a mediator or counselor for help. Remember, no agreement needs to be set in stone for all time, but will

A couple’s meeting can be just an informal focused time spent together on the couch.

Summer 2015 • living 13

Money Matters

Guidance on family finances

Real life can be a budget buster by KEN AND KAREN GONYER

t’s 5:15 p.m. on a typical weekday—time for Ken to pack up The stress is easy to read between the lines of the 5:15 p.m. and head home from work. First, though, he’ll send a quick text conversations: text message to Karen. Ken: Are you at home? Ken: Hi Honey. What are we doing tonight? Karen: No, I have to show a house at 5:30. Home by 7. Karen: I’m picking up M Ken: Are the kids home? from practice, D is home and Karen: Yes. dinner’s in the oven. We have Ken: Any thoughts re: supper? a church meeting at 7. Karen: No, sorry… running Ken: That’s tonight? Oops. all day. OK—heading home. Ken: None here either. I’ll Like a lot of dads, Ken order take-out. manages his calendar at work This was real life for the just fine but apparently has no Gonyers, and in the beginning capacity to keep track of the it really wrecked our monthly family’s schedule at home. For budget. We ate out or picked that he depends on Karen. And up restaurant food several for the last couple decades, it times a week, which for a has worked out okay. Like a family of four adults could add lot of moms, Karen can’t help as much as $120-150 per week but think ahead, make plans to what we spent on food. and manage the details of her When we could get to the family’s life. grocery store, we rarely had a Recently, however, shopping list and bought a lot something has changed for of pre-packaged convenience our family. Karen, now a entrees to save time. Somehow real estate agent, has a very we always seemed to come unpredictable schedule home with a lot of impulse and a job that requires her purchases such as snacks and to constantly juggle the comfort foods, too. Shopping hundreds of details involved while hungry destroyed our in homes sales. It’s no longer self-discipline. The whole humanly possible to manage scenario also destroyed our her husband’s and teenage monthly spending plan. children’s lives as well. Although we’ve been Reality is beginning to teaching other people about set in, and it’s feeling a bit financial management and Shopping with a list in hand--and sticking to it--is generally an excellent harsh. Ken and the children doing financial coaching for are starting to realize just how way to control grocery expenses. about 20 years, we’ve been privileged they’ve been to have humbled to recognize that we someone else do most of their thinking on that score for them. too are a work-in-progress. We don’t have everything figured By far the biggest challenge has been meal times. In past out and we don’t do everything right. Even so, the challenge years, Karen’s routine was to plan and shop for two weeks of of our new normal has not been insurmountable. In fact, this meals at a time. We would share cooking responsibilities, but season of life has inspired us to approach family life in some for the most part, Karen was in charge. It wasn’t always easy, new, healthy ways that are helping save the budget as well as but she managed it. Now there’s just not enough time for that. challenging everyone to grow.

14 living • Summer 2015

First, we’re learning to share the load. Ken does enjoy cooking, so it hasn’t been a hardship for him to comb through cookbooks for recipes and plan a menu he’d be willing to help prepare. He’s also found some internet sources for cheap meals—bloggers like Erin Chase, Jill Cooper and Tawra Kellam who plan meals for $5 or much less using beans, lentils, rice, in-season fruits and veggies, etc. Like many guys, Ken really enjoys grilling, so that’s been a standard part of our meal plan even through the winter months. The teenagers are part of the team as well. Karen had them each find four recipes they liked and were willing to cook. We printed each recipe and put them in a binder with some of our other standard favorites. The goal is for each of us to cook one weekday evening and then go out to eat once as a family (or as a date for us and a leftover night for the kids).

This was real life for the Gonyers, and in the beginning it really wrecked our monthly budget. With everyone’s busy schedule, our team approach doesn’t always work out as regularly as we’d like, but the structure helps. Planning meals together also helps us tame the grocery budget. We put together a shopping list, and Karen can often fit the shopping into her daily work-related travels. We use a pre-printed shopping list that Karen wrote up years ago, marking a check next to everything we need. Having it preprinted reminds us to check our supplies of staples like sugar, flour and pasta as well as other household needs. Getting these on the list saves us making another trip to the grocery store. One meal of the week that’s proved to be especially challenging for home-cooking is Sunday lunch. As we exit the church parking lot, we can either turn right to go home or turn left to go directly to an Italian restaurant. Sometimes it’s almost impossible to get the vehicle to make that right turn! Low blood sugar makes all of us grumpy and irrational, and

we can’t bear the thought of trying to figure something out for lunch. Ken’s sister-in-law solved that problem for her family by stocking an insulated container with granola bars or other healthy snacks. When her family got whiney after church, that snack was just enough to keep everyone sane until lunch was ready. For us, the commute to church is about three-fourths of a mile, so we needed another solution. When we can, we put potatoes in our slow cooker to bake while we’re at church. It only takes a few minutes to chop up some veggies, cheese and deli meat for a “baked potato bar.” We also like to keep some “emergency supplies” in the pantry for other Sundays—easy to cook items like dry pasta and jars of spaghetti sauce, tomato soup and stuff to make grilled cheese sandwiches, etc. They’re not gourmet, but they meet the urgent need for food and keep us from spending $40 at a restaurant. Budget crisis averted! Through this new stage, we’ve discovered that real life can bring unexpected, budget-busting challenges. We’ve also seen that it can bring out the best in our family. With a little extra effort from everyone, we’re doing just fine. Ken: What time will you be home? Karen: By 6 I think. Ken: Sounds good. D is making that Zucchini Penne dish he loves. Karen: Yum. Ken: See you there. KEN GONYER is Director of Member Care at Park View Federal Credit Union (www.pvfcu.org) in Harrisonburg, Va. KAREN GONYER is a real estate agent with KlineMay Realty in Harrisonburg, Va. Email questions to ken.gonyer@pvfcu.org.

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Our experienced team can help with any of your real estate lending needs. » Joe Slagell » Jonathan Tieszen » Julie Yoder

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Feeling better, one gift bag at a time I

by SARA MATSON

t was early April, and after a dreary winter, sunshine and spring had arrived. I was happily married and three-months pregnant with twins. Yet there I sat, crying in the mall parking lot when I should have been doing errands. One year earlier, twenty weeks into my first pregnancy, I’d been confined to the hospital on bed rest for 18 days. It was a dark time, full of loneliness, anxiety, and above all, a paralyzing fear that my baby wasn’t going to make it. On day 19, that fear was realized. Luke McKay was born. He lived only an hour. Happiness returned over time—especially with the news that I was expecting twins. Still, as Luke’s birthday approached I felt heavy. I hated remembering those weeks in the hospital. Like a black hole, they had sucked my power, my peace, even my faith. And while I’d done a lot of emotional work since then around the loss of my son, it didn’t seem that anything could heal the memories of that hospital stay. So I sat in my car, sobbing. When I was done, I blew my nose and racked my brain. What could I do to feel better? That’s when I thought of the care package.

always hated the medicinal odor of hospital soap. After shopping my blues away, I went home, attached labels to each item, and packed it all in a gift bag. I also wrote a letter to the unknown recipient, sharing part of my story (minus the sad ending) and offering my prayers for a healthy baby. On April 19, the anniversary of Luke’s birth, my husband, Jory, and I returned to the hospital. We walked through the lobby where I had checked in the year before. We visited the cafeteria where Jory had eaten supper the night Luke died. And we rode the elevator to the fourth floor, where I’d spent three of the hardest weeks of my life. At the nurses’ station, I hesitantly set the bag on the counter. How to heal from the anguish of a pregnancy loss or infant death? One mother’s creative approach reaching out to other women also helped mend her heart.

In the hospital, one bright spot in the gloom had been a box sent by a college friend. It was full of little gifts—some useful, some silly—accompanied by a list of funny descriptions. About a jeweled hair clip, “A fashion must for every hospital patient.” About a book of crossword puzzles, “For intellectual stimulation during TV commercials.” And for a package of my favorite cookies, “To remind you of the days when we ate only the ‘healthiest’ of foods!” Remembering how the box had raised my spirits, I decided to make my own care package for an expectant mother on bed rest. On the back of a napkin, I listed items to include. There had to be a hair clip and some silly slippers, too. A package of the softest toilet tissue and sweet-smelling hand soap; I’d 16 living • Summer 2015

While I’d done a lot of emotional work since then around the loss of my son, it didn’t seem that anything could heal the memories of that hospital stay.

“I brought this for one of your patients on bed rest,” I said. “To cheer her up.” The nurse looked inside and exclaimed over the contents. “I have just the patient in mind for this,” she told me. “She’s been here for 31 days.” Thirty-one days! That’s when I knew for certain the care package had been a good idea. Five months later, my beautiful baby girls were born, and the following April, I was too busy (and sleep deprived) to think of care packages or hospital visits. But as my daughters grew, they learned about their big brother Luke, and it seemed natural to pair a visit to his grave with a stop at the hospital. I started assembling a care package every spring. Over time, I increased the number I delivered each year to three, then six. When the girls became old enough, they helped me pack them. It’s now been 12 years since Luke died, and at least 50 mothers-to-be have received one of my bed rest bags. I’ve received grateful notes from a few of them, but that’s not why I do it. Packing those gift bags is a way of celebrating not being in the hospital. It’s a way of celebrating my two living children. Most of all, it’s a way of celebrating a reassuring truth, which I learned through the loss of my little boy: out of something bad can emerge something good. Doing something to encourage women who felt helpless—as I once did— restored my sense of power and helped me to heal. SARA MATSON is a freelance writer from Minnesota.

Check with your local hospital before taking any gift for a stranger, or for programs whereby you can contribute or offer a package or gift of cheer.

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In Harrisonburg/Rockingham County, The Sadie Rose Foundation offers support groups and an organized way to reach out to those dealing with the death of an infant and pregnancy loss and miscarriage. Online: sadierosefoundation.org or call 540-810-0307.

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Cooking Corner

Recipes and tips for cooking at home

1 package (6 ounces) stuffing mix, chicken or turkey flavored 1/2 to 3/4 cup butter, melted 3 cups diced zucchini (frozen, thawed and drained is fine) OR 1 quart frozen green beans (cooked and drained) 1 medium carrot, shredded 2 cups cubed or shredded cooked chicken or turkey 1/2 cup chopped onion 1 (10 3/4 ounces) can cream of chicken soup, undiluted 1/2 cup sour cream 1. In a large bowl, combine the stuffing mix and melted butter. 2. Add the chopped zucchini (or green beans), making sure to drain it well if it’s been frozen (or cooked). 3. Add the shredded carrots, chicken or turkey and chopped onions. 4. Stir in cream of chicken soup and sour cream. 5. Transfer the mixture to a greased 2 quart baking dish or 8x8 inch casserole dish. 6. Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes (or until the top starts to brown nicely). Serves 4-6 This dish can be doubled easily, eating one dish and freezing the other, unbaked, for another night.

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THY HAND HATH PROVIDED

Chicken Zucchini (or Green Bean) Stuffing Casserole

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Shenandoah Spotlight

Young adults to watch

Josh Sundquist, motivational speaker and author by LAUREE S. PURCELL Before Harrisonburg native and bestselling author Josh Sundquist joined the United States National Amputee Soccer Team in 2014, he competed as a skier in the Paralympics in Italy. Josh speaks to audiences about overcoming adversity and reaching peak performance. His energy and humor inspire organizations and individuals to adopt his ski-racing motto, 1MT1MT (one more thing, one more time) as a standard of excellence. Josh’s video blogs on YouTube have been viewed over 20 million times. But Josh credits several churches in Harrisonburg as helping his family get through the ordeal of his bone cancer and leg amputation when he was just nine. Congregants made meals, did housework, brought gifts and cared for Josh’s siblings while his parents were with him at UVA hospital. Josh enrolled at Massanutten Adaptive Ski School when he was ten and still undergoing chemotherapy. The director there, Mark Andrews, taught Josh to ski fast with just one leg. Josh was home schooled through middle school. Joe Glick, current principal of Skyline Middle School, was Josh’s biology teacher when he first enrolled at Harrisonburg High School. Josh appreciated how Glick and others helped him transition from home schooling. They worked around Josh’s training schedule for ski racing, and he graduated from Harrisonburg in 2002. Training in Colorado for the Paralympics while studying business at the College of William & Mary (W&M) gave Josh an exciting opportunity. He competed in Italy in 2006 with his parents present, just twelve years after his amputation. That same year, he graduated from W&M and then earned a Masters in Communications in 2008 from University of Southern California. Josh published “Just Don’t Fall” in 2010 and “We Should Hang Out Sometime” in 2014. He is now working on a novel about a blind teenager who undergoes experimental surgery. His advice to aspiring authors is to decide on a genre and subgenre, read every book in that subgenre and decide how to fill an existing hole. Then approach a literary agent with a polished draft. He and his fiancée, Ashley, will be married in September. She is a fundraiser for the Children’s Miracle Network.

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LAUREE STROUD PURCELL is an editorial consultant and writer for Living.

Know someone 30 or under to nominate for a future Shenandoah Spotlight? Requirements are: Valley resident or grew up here, outstanding for their job, community, or church work, and the model they provide. Contact us at info@valleyliving.org.

4/2015

Summer 2015 • living 19

The Virginia roots of Mary Emma Showalter’s cookbook by MELODIE DAVIS

“M

ennonite Community Cookbook,” a bestselling cookbook first published in 1950 was relaunched early in 2015 in a 65th anniversary edition. But perhaps not all Shenandoah Valley residents know the Virginia roots of this beloved collection. Author and compiler Mary Emma Showalter grew up on a farm near Broadway; many of her Showalter relatives still live here in the Valley. Two of her step-children, Phyllis Showalter and Eleanor Mumaw and many other kin (sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles) have called this area home. The cookbook is nearing 500,000 copies in print and is published by Herald Press, now located in Harrisonburg. If you are from this area and look at the list of ten dishes from “Mennonite Community Cookbook” which Phyllis and Eleanor mentioned as some personal favorite recipes of Mary Emma, you may recognize many of them as Virginia favorites, though certainly not exclusively. These include: baked corn; baked ham; baked salsify; fried chicken; shoe fly pie; dandelion salad; Cole slaw; fruit pies – apple, peach, berry; stuffed baked fish; home canned pickles. With the possible exception of shoe fly pie—so popular in Pennsylvania and the stuffed baked fish, all of these dishes are “must haves” for many longtime or older Valley residents. The baked ham included in the cookbook is Mary Emma’s own recipe and it calls for center slices of cured ham rubbed with dry mustard and covered with brown sugar and milk. You then bake the slices for about an hour, until the milk is absorbed. Mary Emma writes about curing meats in her great grandfather’s old smokehouse, a tradition still carried on in current day practice for numerous Valley residents. Readers also can see Valley life represented in some of the stories Mary Emma shares, such as how her grandfather would come in for dinner, smell Grandma’s freshly baked bread, and

could be counted on to say with heartfelt pleasure, “Bread is the staff of life.” Mary Emma writes about frequently asking to see her mother’s handwritten recipes. Eventually she canvassed most Mennonite “Pansy Cake” is an expectedly fun and eye communities pleasing cake in Mary Emma’s cookbook--and of the day (late not that difficult. © MENNOMEDIA 1940s) to collect recipes, so the cookbook itself goes far beyond Valley cooking. Still, it is fun to find Virginia recipes sprinkled throughout. Becoming the author of the first best-selling Mennonite cookbook was only one of Mary Emma’s many accomplishments. She graduated from (then) Madison College but World War II was raging. In 1942 she began working as a dietitian in Civilian Public Service (CPS), a government program for conscientious objectors who worked in mental hospitals, starvation projects, road construction, forest fighting units, and more. While assigned to a CPS camp in Grottoes, Virginia, Mary Emma worked in the kitchen and began teaching the men to cook. The classes were so popular she developed a threemonth training program and manual, and was asked to visit fifteen CPS camps across the United States doing similar training. In her travels, Mary Emma noted similarities and differences in Mennonite foods and cooking in various communities—the seed for her idea to compile “Mennonite Community Cookbook.” In 1944 she was sent abroad by a Mennonite relief program on an American troop ship with three thousand soldiers. Stationed in the Sinai Desert, she worked as a dietitian in a refugee camp, feeding 1,075 children and teaching their mothers and nutrition. When she returned from the war and relief efforts in 1946 and began postgraduate studies, she worked on the cookbook off and on for three years. It became part of her Mary Emma Showalter, shown here, served part of her assignment in World War II with Civilian Public Service at Grottoes, Virginia, cooking and teaching young men how to cook. Later she was sent to camps all over the U.S. teaching cooking which eventually gave birth to Mennonite Community Cookbook sharing favorite recipes from Mennonite communities of North America. © MENNOMEDIA

20 living • Summer 2015

master’s research at the University of Tennessee, documenting food history among Mennonite communities. She finished her master’s in 1948, and by the time the cookbook was slated to come out in June of 1950, she was a professor at Eastern Mennonite College and head of the home economics department. Later she would complete a doctorate at Pennsylvania State University (1957) and become the first female professor at EMC with a doctorate. She married widower Ira Eby, then of Hagerstown, Maryland in 1960, a barber. They lived out most of the remainder of their lives in the Valley. Mary Emma died in 2003 and is buried at Trissels Mennonite Church just south of Broadway. Ira cut hair in Park View until he retired in 1978; he died in 2004. Today the cookbook, while certainly featuring numerous appealing and delicious “family favorite” recipes, functions

Becoming the author of the first best-selling Mennonite cookbook was only one of Mary Emma’s many accomplishments. also as a historical record and treasury of vintage recipes. That was one of the goals Mary Emma had for her master’s project. In her introduction, she wrote, “The daughters of today [are] guilty of pushing [old dishes] aside in favor of the new, just as I had done one day. … I realized in many instances our mothers would be the last generation to use them … and thought that now is the time to preserve them. So this book is an attempt to preserve for posterity … cooking that has been handed down for many generations.” Mary Emma added that in order to make the book more inclusive and appeal to more users, “It also includes favorite recipes of our own day. Grandmother recorded no salad recipes or casserole dishes or numerous other dishes that our present [1950] appetites call for.” One fun recipe gives “Food for a Barn Raising” with a menu to feed “175 men.” Some “green” recipes or methods for making homemade laundry soap, lotion, and a pesticide-free

solution to get rid of garden worms on cabbage will appeal to today’s gardeners and those looking for environmentally healthy options. The new edition contains appetizing new photos of prepared recipes while eliminating photos of dishes most modern readers consider “antiquities” such as stuffed pig stomach. Mary Emma herself confesses in the book that she “never learned to appreciate” Grandma’s milk and rivel soup. Rivels are a little like noodle dough in a tiny ball, “no larger than cherry stone,” which loose their shape if not eaten right away, according to Mary Emma’s comments about “Corn Soup with Rivels” recipe in the book. If you appreciate simple home cooking with common ingredients found in almost everyone’s pantry, there are 1100 recipes to choose from in this mammoth and classic perennial seller. The book’s first publisher, The John C. Winston Company in Philadelphia, predicted a shelf life of maybe five to seven years for the cookbook. The book’s been around for 65 years. Hats off to Virginian Mary Emma and her brand of Mennonite home cooking. Many more historical details about the publication, marketing, and artist’s drawings in “Mennonite Community Cookbook” are found in the 2015 anniversary edition, and at a blog, www.MennoniteCommunityCookbook.com. Weekly drawings are being held through the reminder of 2015 at a Facebook page for the book, called “Mennonite Community Cookbook.” MELODIE DAVIS is editor of Valley Living and also served as the managing editor for the 2015 edition of “Mennonite Community Cookbook.”

A partial listing of some of the recipes listed from Virginia cooks (pages indicated): Parkerhouse Rolls – p. 6 Buttermilk Biscuits – p. 13 Graham Raisin Muffins – p. 19 Salt Rising Bread – p. 21 Southern Spoon Bread – p. 22 Dewey Buns – p. 25 Fried Mush – p. 30 Corn Chowder – p. 38 Beef Soup with Dumplings – p. 43 Beef Potpie – p. 55 (By Mary Emma’s Grandmother Showalter) Creamed Dried Beef – p. 68 How to Cure Dried Beef by dry salt method – p. 57 (Mrs. Owen F. Showalter, Broadway) Hamburger en Casserole – p. 59 Meat Balls in Tomato Juice – p. 61 Shepherd’s Pie – p. 66 Pork Chops, Breaded – p. 73 Sausage Casserole Dinner – p. 78 Summer 2015 • living 21

My son, resilient by DORIT SASSON

he’d have to cope, no matter what. He has a tendency to get scared at night and he always falls asleep with me. He needs cuddles—lots of them. He needs me to listen to his worries and concerns. Immediately I thought back to the online article, “7 Reasons Why I Love Sending my Son to Sleepaway Camp” a parent had shared on her Facebook wall. “Reason #1 – It Builds Resilience.” Whose resilience was going to be built: mine or his? I was struggling to accept the fact I wouldn’t be there to help him through his darkest moments. Would the counselors know what to do or say when they’d see those first tears emerging? At night, if he’d cry or whimper silently to himself, who would rub his back and squeeze his shoulders when he felt homesick or sad? He’d hold his feelings in until his stomach hurt. The night before he left, he mentioned he was starting to feel homesick and immediately my worry feelers shot up.

22 living • Summer 2015

y tears started just as the bus driver turned on the engine. Was I just sad or about to bawl? Would I be able to hold it together? I took the advice from the camp director. Put on your sunglasses if you’re gonna cry. The tears started and up went the sunglasses on my salty, sweaty nose. I didn’t want to be the parent who couldn’t keep it together. If anything, I wanted to be the cheerleader for my 9-year-old son who was going to a six day sleep away camp for I was struggling to accept the fact I the first time. wouldn’t be there to help him through “Ivry!” I hollered. I pulled out my camera from over the head of my soon to be 1-year-old. She had already fallen asleep in his darkest moments. the carrier. I fumbled with the on-off button. Just a few minutes more and Ivry would be on his way to making long awaited “Don’t worry Ma, I’ll be okay,” he added. camp memories. By the end, he’d be joining the tribe of new He’ll be all right. He’s resilient. He’s always been. The friends who had already completed their first week of camp. He question was … would I be? will have canoed, hiked and zip-lined. *** One of my son’s friends came to the bus window. “Can you Surprisingly, the “nothing-will-happen-to-him-and-he’llget Ivry for me?” I shouted. “I need to tell him something. be-okay” feeling carried me until Friday, right before lighting Please!” the Sabbath candles. The house was empty of his high-spirited My redheaded son finally appeared. “Picture. Picture. I need a presence all week long. Suddenly the phone rang. I grabbed it. picture. Open the window … please?” I felt like a whiney child. It was the camp’s health and wellness director. My son had been I snapped whatever I could. at the infirmary a few times for an upset stomach. She added, My son was leaving for six whole days. Six whole days until “He’s also been homesick. During the day he’s having a blast. Saturday. How on earth would I manage? When there’s downtime, he gets teary. We’ve been helping him *** through it. This is perfectly normal. Many kids go through this. Hours later, I sat in the corner of the library pushing the But he’s having a great time.” stroller with my sleeping daughter. I tried to figure out this The mama bear in me growled. How long had he been letting go part. My son and I did everything together. He even “suffering” like this? Immediately I wanted to jump into the car, helped me take care of his little sister. His jokes and highdrive 100 miles and comfort him. spirited nature were a blessing. In the later afternoon, I wrote yet another three pages of Julia Cameron’s “Morning Pages” (an exercise where each day you write three pages of whatever comes to your mind): “It was so hard to let Ivry go on that bus to sleep away camp. In retrospect, it wasn’t so much he was going, but that I was giving up my control—that I knew what was best for him.” So that’s what was really going on. As much as I would miss the little guy, my grief was really about letting him go and hoping he’d be okay without mama bear. He was now in a different Allowing our children to have new adventures means giving up a certain amount of parental control. Who emotional territory where adjusts better: the child or the parents?

“Every time he gets teary, I ask if he’s going to be all right and he says, ‘yes.’ He’s determined to go through it,” the camp director added. “Other kids would have struggled. You should be proud.” “That’s my resilient boy,” I heard myself say. *** The night before he left, he said, “Mommy, I know you’re gonna miss me, so here’s my advice: Have fun and do things that make you laugh. Get distracted by doing things you enjoy.” How did my son suddenly become so wise, funny and smart? There’s nothing like getting good advice from your son who unintentionally, has just given you the secret to a happier life. Listen to this kid. He’s YOUR kid and he’s gonna be allright. Why are you still so nervous? “Emma Kaufmann Camp please watch over my boy,” I had posted on my Facebook wall earlier that day. Under the caption was a group of happy pre-campers caught up in their own special moment of adventure. The camp was fine. It was me. I was getting in my way. Big time. *** That first night without my son, I waited for the first batch of pictures to be posted online. When I first saw him on the computer screen, I wanted to reach out and hug him. There he was sailing on a boat on Cheat Lake in West Virginia next to his buddy, a peaceful expression on his face. Another picture showed him running across the field during a soccer game. “Your son’s having the time of his life. You wouldn’t have known this was his first time at sleep away camp,” the director said emphatically on the phone. One counselor described my son as “a great dribbler” and “a wonderful hockey player” in an email that would end with the catch phrase, “We are family.” During those first few days, the word “family” was just what I needed to hear. Family. They’re looking over my son like he’s family. Another counselor said he was the coolest kid in the cabin. The coolest kid. My kid. By Friday, two letters arrived. I pulled them wildly from the mailbox. He had asked for a fan. He said the lunches were “yum” and the bunks were “awesome.” He wished his little sister who was turning one year old the next day, a happy birthday. And he signed the first letter with “love.” I could sense tiredness in those letters and that there was a force larger than life hovering over him, but he could handle it. I kept hugging the letters as if I was already hugging my son. “Mommy, you can stop squeezing me,” I imagined him saying. Finally it was Sunday. He got off the bus anxiously looking for me in a sea of faces. I waved wildly just like my late mother once did for me many years ago when I came back from sleep

away camp for the first time. “I’m here!” I screamed. Immediately my son’s face relaxed. “Mommy, how’s the house? Is everything okay? Did you cope alright with Voovy?” (His nickname for his little sister.) “I’m fine. The house is fine. Your sister is fine.” He smiled widely. I would soon learn my son loved camp food and didn’t worry about getting to swimming on time and whether he’d be cold if he didn’t take his sweatshirt. These were never actual worries. If anything, I learned resilience is learning to go with the flow and trusting all will be well even during our darkest hours. Even when my son’s counselors and camp director reassured me, I still needed to continue to let go and trust. The good news is that each time, it gets a little bit easier. DORIT SASSON is a freelance writer from Pennsylvania. She and her husband have two children.

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Summer 2015 • living 23

Baby, buckle up! Traveling with babies and young children by HEATHER LEE LEAP

elcoming a baby into your life needn’t limit your travel options, but just the thought of packing up with your little one might make you break out in a cold sweat. If you’re dreading the drive, understand your normal routines will need to be tempered with flexibility. Here are a few tips that, with minimal extra packing, will help your family hit the road and enjoy it more. As your children move into the toddler or preschool years, you may find yourself succumbing to the temptation to “plug them in” to a device or pop in a DVD, despite your pediatrician’s warnings that children 2 and under should have zero exposure to screens. Timing and activities will help you avoid the tech-trap. If possible, start by planning for a substantial portion of your drive to coincide with your child’s naptime. The more miles under your tires before she awakens, the fewer miles you’ll need to fill with distractions. An adult riding in back with an infant or toddler is available to soothe the baby or alert the driver that naptime is nearing its end, making it a good time for a stop. Snacks can serve as a distraction for toddlers and preschoolers. Dole them out in small portions to slow consumption and minimize spills. For long drives, pack a variety of your child’s least-messy snacks, as well as extra wipes for sticky fingers. Breastfeeding moms have the advantage of feeding a baby at a moment’s notice with no additional equipment, but will

need to plan stops to allow for feedings. Even bottle-feeding families should consider getting baby out for some wiggle time during a feeding, rather than propping a bottle for her in the car seat. It is never worth the risk to remove your child from the car safety seat while the car is moving.

Familiar bedtime routines can help young children settle down in a strange location even at odd hours, so make an effort to continue the same routine. Gear that adds convenience at home can be a burden on vacation. Parents Bill Richards and E. Ashley Steel, authors of “Family on the Loose: The Art of Traveling with Kids” (Rumble Books, 2012) began traveling the world with their two daughters, starting when the oldest was about 7 weeks old. They assure parents babies’ needs to eat, sleep, get cleaned and cuddle require remarkably little gear. Consider asking family and friends in advance about borrowing needed items at your destination, or get creative.

Travel Diversions

Before buckling in for that much anticipated road trip, pack a few simple entertainment items and proven distractions. Provide each child with a bag of goodies, but keep some things in reserve as surprises when the next rest stop is miles away. Here are just a few suggestions to help you stock-up: A new book Notepads, a coloring book, puzzle and maze books Pencils (and a screw-top sharpener) Washable markers Finger puppets Yarn for cat’s cradle or finger crocheting Brain Quest card decks Small toys such as Lego, matchbox cars or a Polly Pocket doll (wrap them to increase the wow factor and slow down acquisition by a few seconds) Special snack foods your kids don’t normally get to eat

Is travel with small children worth it? You’ll have to decide, but preparing to keeping little ones busy and distracted (or asleep) in the car starts long before you pack.

24 living • Summer 2015

Travel-sized games Playing cards

Steel and her husband nixed the portable crib. “We used a drawer pulled out and set on the floor and even an empty suitcase as a bassinet when co-sleeping wasn’t an option,” says Steel. You may discover you need little more than a comfortable baby sling, an umbrella stroller and a sturdy backpack. Familiar bedtime routines can help young children settle down in a strange location even at odd hours, so make an effort to continue the same routine during your trip. A tired family is a cranky family, and you don’t want vacation memories sullied by tantrums and exhaustion. Retaining bedtime rituals in particular will lead to more rest for everyone and more enjoyment overall. Traveling with children requires parents to be honest with themselves about what they can expect to accomplish in a day and then to communicate that to travel companions. “When we visit grandparents or friends I try to make it really clear that the kids need down time,” says Oregon mom Diane Zipper. Grandparents especially want to indulge kids, spend more time with them and let them stay up late. Friends or family

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members without children won’t necessarily understand what is realistic to expect from young children. “You know your child,” says Zipper. “For us it was important to stay on a schedule.” Finally, be prepared for the rough spots, but don’t let your worries keep you at home. HEATHER LEE LEAP is a freelance writer and mother of three. She usually leaves her husband in charge of the driving while she controls snack distribution.

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Summer 2015 • living 25

A special doily by SUSAN ESTEP

She took a pair of old, thick, tan stockings, unraveled them, and began her creation of this beautiful piece. My visits with my grandmother were filled with conversation, laughter and tears when reminiscing about the past. There was the loss of two of her four children, a divorce from her abusive and alcoholic husband, and raising her youngest daughter on her own while she worked as a housekeeper. My grandmother’s house was filled with family pictures, collections and beautiful handmade items. She enjoyed crocheting, quilting and knitting. The one item I always admired was the intricately crocheted doily that was tucked under a vase of silk flowers on a stand next to her chair. The story she told me about this doily was amazing. During the Depression, she had no money for yarn or knitting materials. She took a pair of old, thick, tan stockings,

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he phone rang and I was jolted out of a sound sleep. I looked at the clock: it was 5:30 a.m. I started feeling queasy as I answered the phone. At that hour, it was either a prank call or bad news. The quivering voice on the phone was my mother’s. She said, “Your Grandmother Scott died a few minutes ago in her sleep.” For the past year, my grandmother had been a nursing home resident. Her physical and mental condition had deteriorated over the past two years. Memories—in my fogged state—welled up and my eyes released a waterfall of painful emotions. My body shook as I sobbed. Then as the sun came up, another memory emerged. It was a sunny day. I was visiting my grandmother at her house. She was feeding the many doves that frequented her yard. She tossed out handfuls of bird seed. The green grass turned white, blanketed by seed.

The author’s grandmother, shown in inset photo, crocheted this intricate doily out of thick old stockings in the Depression when she had no money for yarn.

unraveled them, and began her creation of this beautiful piece. There was no question about what personal item I wanted of my grandmother’s. As a remembrance of her, I wanted the doily with the story that out of something old and worn out, loving hands had created a thing of beauty. I look at it today and feel inspired and humbled. SUSAN ESTEP enjoys writing and creating works of art; she lives in Harrisonburg, Va.

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Mother’s day without a mom by DEBRA JOHANYAK

y mother passed away at age 66 in our home after honor when Mother’s Day rolls around. nearly a year of cancer treatment. It was too soon. I Mother’s Day is a special holiday to commemorate the role was just 38 and had many plans for shared activities mothers play in our lives. Each year thousands of dollars are with her. Life kept me busy with a full-time teaching job spent on greeting cards and boxes of treats, floral deliveries during her final year, yet I was grateful for the opportunity of and restaurant meals; but what about families who are caring for her, and we grew closer than ever. temporarily or permanently motherless? Anyone can celebrate Those first weeks after her passing, I grieved deeply, Mother’s Day even without a mom. weeping and Some mourning mothers will Mom’s loss. not be home on I prayed for Mother’s Day. something With more positive on women in which to busy careers, focus so I many are away could begin on business the healing during process. Mother’s Day Unexpectedly weekend. my husband Some may and I learned be caring for a few weeks a sick parent later I was in another pregnant! My state. Others sorrow turned are scheduled bittersweet; to work the I loved the holiday in feeling of restaurants cherishing and hospitals. new life. But Children can I grieved my surprise her dear mother on her lunch would not be break at work there to share with a picnic my pregnancy or have dinner When distance keeps us apart on special days, find alternative ways to connect online through Skype, and offer advice Google Hangout or FaceTime where you can see and talk to each other. ready and the as she had done house cleaned with my previous sons’ births. when she gets home, whether it’s that evening or the following Three months later my doctor told us I would need a week. cerclage, stitching the cervix closed to keep from miscarrying. Extended absences make it challenging to celebrate While recovering on bed rest afterward for two weeks, a Mother’s Day. Some mothers are serving overseas in military friend brought a dear older lady to visit, armed with a pan of operations. Preparing a gift box with her favorite things and lasagna and offers to babysit the boys whenever I needed a mailing it to arrive by the holiday will make everyone feel break. A new relationship was formed that day that eventually good even when the family cannot be together. Letters, cards, blossomed into a surrogate mother-daughter bond. The photos and drawings as well as social networking and Skype widowed Mrs. Grey nurtured our family and filled some of the conversations help to forge connections between the longgaps left by my mother’s premature death. We took rides in the distance mom and her brood. country, went out for dinner and attended plays. She watched Even death should not be an obstacle to this classic holiday, the children occasionally and brought dinner when my father as was the case for me. When a mother of still-young children passed away a few years later. Gone now, Rose Grey will has passed away, Dad and the kids can arrange a dinner in always be part of our warmest family memories. Every woman her honor by serving her favorite foods and sharing fond who has lost her mother should have a second mom like our memories of time spent with each family member. Arranging dear friend—one that can be given special recognition and photos of the mother, along with mementos like a piece of 28 living • Summer 2015

jewelry or a favorite possession, adds a meaningful time to the holiday observation. For some, a visit to one of the mom’s favorite places, or alternatively, the cemetery, may prompt thoughtful reflection on good times in the past. It may also foster a sense of continuity or closeness to the deceased mother. Mother surrogates should be remembered, too. In families where there has been no mother for some time, a grandmother, aunt, or beloved neighbor may be celebrated instead, especially one who has helped to care for the children. Going to the theatre or having dinner together is a nice way of showing appreciation for the motherly representative on this meaningful holiday.

Every woman who has lost her mother should have a second mom like our dear friend – one that can be given special recognition and honor when Mother’s Day rolls around. Remembering the past is a way to celebrate the present and preserve memories for the future. An absent mom can be commemorated by a family activity that made her happy, such as a weekend camping trip or a local fair she used to love. Watching her favorite movie or enjoying her unique dessert can leave everyone with a warm glow recalling Mom’s legacy. Mother’s Day is not just about the here and now. It’s about remembering the woman who gave us birth, the one who raised us and the ones who continually offer encouragement and support when a biological mom cannot be present. Make this holiday extra meaningful by celebrating the woman—or women—whose influence is undeniable and unforgettable. DEBRA JOHANYAK is a freelance writer from Ohio. Chad B. Nesselrodt 540-434-1792 800-289-2445 Cell 540-476-4342 bigltireco@aol.com

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Summer 2015 • living 29

A day to remember by LORETTA MILLER MEHL

PHOTO PROVIDED

gushed. “We’ll include the alteration in the price and leave the n preparation for our 60th wedding anniversary celebration, back of the dress a bit longer to form a small train.” I removed my wedding dress from the box and placed it on “It’s beautiful. What a wonderful find,” I said, removing a a light-blue satin hanger. Displaying the gown in an alcove 20 dollar bill from my purse as payment. The exact amount window, I opened the album to our wedding pictures on the escapes me, but the receipt for the picturesque Chapel of window ledge below. Roses where we were married has been saved. Friends are Fascinated by the full skirt that fell from the tiny fitted astonished each time they examine the complete cost for the bodice, a friend asked, “Are you planning to wear your use of the sanctuary. Forty dollars included the huge baskets wedding dress for this celebration?” of beautiful flowers, potted palms and “Oh no,” I exclaimed. Most people tall candelabras with white tapers that considered me slender, but after four banked the altar. children, I would never squeeze into On our 50th anniversary we returned that dress again. to California surrounded by long-time On the day of the party, women and friends, where we had spent most of young girls gravitated to the gown to our lives. During the celebration, our examine the white satin, now aged to a son, Dave, gave a speech challenging soft, ivory sheen. us, “Remember, Mom and Dad,” he Completely on my own since I said, “to reach your goal you only have graduated from high school at age 17, I to take one step at a time.” escaped from the family farm to work Now, 10 years later, as I waited at a job in Little Rock, Ark. Later I for guests to arrive for our 60th transferred to an office in Los Angeles, anniversary, my mind drifted through where I met my husband. The chance those long ago days when we were seemed slight the two of us would ever so young and planning our future. meet, since he had spent most of his The years that followed held some life in Pennsylvania and I grew up in wonderful memories. Somehow we Arkansas. were able to live on the $80 allotment My wages from the telegraph company per month given to WWII veterans to covered rent, food, bus fare and little attend college. We rejoiced when our more. My fiancé Bill, a returning WWII first child was born in time to attend his veteran, had barely enough money for father’s college graduation. We were our first and last month’s rent. Neither blessed with two more sons and one of our parents could contribute for the daughter. expenses of our wedding. Bill was hired for a teaching job he As my wedding day approached so loved and pursued for 32 years, and in many years ago, I longed for a formal the meantime completed masters and gown but had almost no hope of doctorate degrees. I spent 18 years as a wearing one. stay-at-home mom. After our first child After gazing in the window of a The author’s granddaughter, Mikayla, wearing entered college, I became a working Loretta Miller Mehl’s wedding gown from sixty small bridal shop during my lunch years earlier. mom and spent several years as a hour one day, I mumbled, “Guess it secretary at a city hall. Taking only one doesn’t cost anything to look at wedding or two courses each semester, I completed my Associate of dresses.” Dazzled by the rows of gorgeous gowns, I headed Arts degree during night sessions. for the sale rack and found my size in a classic style with a Those were busy years as we watched our children excel in sweetheart neckline and long sleeves tapered at the wrists. I school and sports. The time seemed short until they grew up, turned the tab over and could hardly believe the price slashed married and presented us with thirteen grandchildren, each one to a fraction of the original cost. The saleslady said, “That exceptional in our eyes. Many of those grandchildren were dress is a huge bargain. Why not try it on?” now grown and had graduated from college. I slipped into the heavy satin finery and stood before the Now, in our 80s, it has become increasingly difficult to keep full-length triple mirrors, feeling like a queen. The flawless our minds focused on the path ahead. We chose to celebrate fit needed only a minor alteration to shorten the length in the our 60th anniversary in our home in Oregon. As they did for front of the skirt. “The dress is perfect for you,” the saleslady 30 living • Summer 2015

our 50th celebration, our children planned the activities. My husband and I were delighted that two of our sons, Bob and Charlie, played their guitars and Bob’s wife and daughter joined them in singing. Their music brought back memories of their younger days when the two boys performed in church. Dave, who challenged us 10 years earlier, brought another message for everyone attending, but directed especially at his father and me. He told us the story of running his first marathon and compared it to life’s journey.

I slipped into the heavy satin finery and stood before the full-length triple mirrors, feeling like a queen. “The beginning of the race was easy but became more difficult with unexpected difficulties along the way.” He said, “Many times I wanted to quit and asked myself ‘what difference would it make?’ But then I kept putting one foot in front of the other, and eventually reached the finish line.” “Mom and Dad, I see the journey you’ve run as a marathon. As you continue, I challenge you for the next decade with a new charge found in Matthew 5:14 and 16, ‘You are the light of the world. Let your light so shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.’” “I’ve brought you this light as a reminder,” he smiled as he handed us a small lantern with a battery-lighted candle. I glanced at my husband, recalling Dave’s advice given us 10

years ago. We had completed another part of our journey, one step at a time. This celebration for our 60th anniversary had been more relaxing as people were free to visit one another in a casual atmosphere. Friends lingered, reluctant to leave, and requested information about our 60 years together. Even though our grandchildren had heard the stories before, they asked that their grandfather tell them about our dating and how we met at church. “I teased your grandmother a lot about her southern accent,” Bill smiled. “I kept asking her to say something—anything. I just wanted to hear her talk. She was so pretty and her eyes sparkled when she knew I was kidding her. I can still show you the exact spot on the sidewalk where we met, near the open door of the church.” I felt elated he still remembered and told everyone throughout the years who might listen. After only family members remained, Mikayla asked, “Grandma, do you mind if I try on your wedding dress?” “I’d be delighted,” I smiled at my 15-year-old granddaughter. My wedding gown fit her perfectly. Her face glowed and brown eyes shone as she glided and twirled back and forth, exclaiming, “Grandma, I love this dress!” Her father grabbed the camera and clicked away to preserve the magic of the moment. My son Bob mused, “As I watched Mikayla, I could almost imagine Mom as a young bride, 60 years ago.” LORETTA MILLER MEHL is a freelance writer from Oregon.

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Reach beyond an ordinary marriage by GAYLA GRACE

the marital relationship. Forgiveness plays a powerful role in that equation. Replace criticism with gratefulness. Choosing a spirit of gratefulness diminishes the negative thinking that often leads to damaging criticism of a mate. For example, instead of criticizing a spouse for working long hours and neglecting chores at home, choosing to be thankful for such a strong commitment to provide for the family can lead to a healthier give-and-take between partners. Engage in meaningful conversation on a regular basis. It’s easy to get stuck in a pattern of kid-related chitchat, but deeper conversations lend meaning to a marriage. “People who spend more of their day having deep discussions and less time engaging in small talk seem to be happier,” says psychologist Matthias Mehl, who published a study on the subject in 2010. We seek to find meaning in life and are driven to connect with others. When we engage in meaningful conversation with our spouse, we accomplish both, resulting in a stronger, happier relationship. Respect your partner enough to remain desirable and

Healthy couples know how to work through disagreements without damaging the marital relationship. Forgiveness plays a powerful role in that equation. How do you reach beyond the ordinary and reignite that flame? Make an intentional effort to be generous toward your spouse. A recent study from the University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project suggests that generosity in marriage—identified as “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly”—is a key factor to connubial bliss. Small acts of kindness—bringing your partner a cup of coffee unbidden or sending a thoughtful text in the middle of the day—speak love in a special way and encourage the same behavior in return, resulting in a cycle of marital generosity. Make forgiveness a regular habit and don’t keep score. Forgiveness is a fundamental component in marriage. However, spouses who not only forgive but also then do not keep score of one another’s wrongs have a greater chance of success in resolving differences. “Couples in healthy versus unhealthy marriages have the same amount of conflict but the outcome is completely different,” says marriage and family therapist Ron L. Deal. Healthy couples know how to work through disagreements without damaging “Dates” or days we set aside time to enjoy an activity together or with good friends are essential to keep a marriage thriving.

32 living • Summer 2015

atching her husband zone out in front of the TV while she folded yet another load of laundry was becoming the norm for the new mother. Sipping her coffee slowly, my friend began to describe how her vibrant marriage seemed to be headed to Mundane Village since the birth of their first child. It had been so exciting at first—the miracle of a baby they had created together—but as the weeks turned into months with little sleep and never-ending chores, she noticed her marriage shifting to auto-drive. During the child-rearing years, it’s easy to slip into an “ordinary” marriage as your primary roles shift from husband or wife to dad or mom. Meaningful conversation, regular date nights and spontaneous hugs take a back seat to the demands of parenting. As you and your spouse get pulled between work, chores, sports and school events, the spark that once lit up the room may start to flicker. The effort expended toward one another now goes to the kids.

nicely groomed. Work at staying physically fit and attending to any medical or physical issues that make exercise a challenge. Maintain friendships with other couples. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal, “Why Friends Help Strengthen a Marriage,” speaks of the benefits of couple friendships. “Friends help you gather perspective on your relationship to your spouse,” says writer Katherine Rosman, and “draw you toward life’s big picture,” away from the minutiae of child rearing or job hassles. Geoffrey Greif, author of “Two Plus Two: Couples and Their Couple Friendships,” maintains that couple friendships can play a role similar to that of a marriage mentor and help spouses see how others juggle the complexities of life in tandem—a skill that will help your relationship flourish long after the season of child-rearing eventually ends. Freelance writer GAYLA GRACE , mom and stepmom to five, seeks to continuously reach beyond an ordinary relationship in her marriage of almost 20 years.

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Congratulations…

to those who successfully completed the word search from the spring issue of Living. Bergton Woody Brown Terry & Victoria Dove Dana Hartman Colin Whetzel Emma Wittig Bridgewater Opal Alt Hensel Armentrout Lois Auville William Burnette Charlotte Fifer Carolyn Freeman Anna Keller Christina Moyers Glen Thomas Ed Wade Margaret Ann Wheelbarger Brightwood Virginia Coppedge Karen Lillard Broadway Daniel Beyeler Helen Brunk Carolyn Cubbage Charlotte Cullers Robert & Nancy Hinkle Pearl Keister Barbara Lampron Eldon & Betty Layman Dessil May Amy & Breanna Ours Juanita Plantz Judy Post Darlene Runion Savilla Shipe Eleanor Showman Kim, Paisley, Rilee & Sierra Showman Evelyn Shultz Faye Siever Churchville Ethel Ernst Criders Carroll Coffman Bernice Keplinger Patricia May Doug Propst Carol Yankey

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LET'S SPICE THINGS UP!

Let’s spice things up!

by Jeanette Baer Showalter

by JEANETTE BAER SHOWALTER

Can you imagine apple pie without cinnamon? And tomato sauce without basil or oregano? The herbs and spices we use add flavor to our lives through our food. Many have medicinal benefits as well. You can find these flavorful favorites in the puzzle forward, backward, horizontally, vertically, and diagonally.

ALLSPICE

GINGER

ANISE

LAVENDER

ANNATTO

LEMONGRASS

BASIL

MACE

BAY LEAF

MARJORAM

CAPERS

MUSTARD

CARAWAY

NUTMEG

CARDAMOM

OREGANO

CELERY SEED

PAPRIKA

CHICORY

PARSLEY

CHIVES

PEPPER

W M

CILANTRO

ROSEMARY

CINNAMON

SAFFRON

CLOVES

SAGE

CORIANDER

SAVORY

CUMIN

TARRAGON

CURRY

THYME

DILL SEED

TURMERIC

FENNEL

VANILLA

GARLIC

YARROW

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Summer 2015 • living 35

What will your children learn this summer? Connect with the Vacation Bible School of your choice!

Summer should definitely be much more than endless hours spent on video games, TV and online. Just as you encourage your children to get plenty of outside play and form friendships, help them grow in faith as they learn from and explore the Bible. Consider these area Vacation Bible School programs for your child!