free! Fall 2016
Field trip:
Fun learning at Showalter’s Orchard Quilting:
Not just for grandma’s generation anymore Shenandoah Spotlight on Caitlin McAvoy Declutter and save the earth, one bag at a time
www.valleyliving.org
ADVENTURES IN TRAVEL November 7-16, 2016
“Holy Land Adventure”
March 20-30, 2017
“Spain and Portugal”
Make the Bible come alive as we visit Haifa, Tiberius, Capernaum, Nazareth Village, Caesarea, Sea of Galilee, Bethlehem, Jerusalem, and more.
Visiting Lisbon, Seville, Cordoba, Granada, Toledo, Madrid, Zaragoza, Barcelona, including the famous La Sagrada Familia Church
Dec 6 & 7, 2016
November 8-18, 2017
America’s largest privately owned house Yuletide Celebration, over 40 trees, miles of garland and lights! Billy Graham Library, Charlotte, NC Multimedia presentations, interactive kiosks, photos Graham Family Homeplace, Ruth’s Attic
Visiting Venice, Pisa, Tuscan countryside, Florence, Amalfi Coastline, Sorrento, Pompeii and Rome Visit the Vatican, Sistine Chapel, Colosseum & Trevi Fountain
“Biltmore House, Asheville, NC”
“Highlights of Italy”
For More Information contact Ed & Edie Bontrager 540-438-8304 (Office), 540-209-7457 (Cell) ~ Harrisonburg, VA www.travelventuretours.com ~ eebontrager@comcast.net
2 living • Fall 2016
GIFT & THRIFT Large Variety of Men’s, Women’s & Children’s Clothing● Household items ● Books ●Crafts ● Linens ● Electronics ● Furniture ● and More!
Serving the local and global community for over 32 years 731 Mt. Clinton Pike Harrisonburg, VA 540.433.8844 www.giftandthrift.org
SHOP DONATE VOLUNTEER
Contents 4 Editorial 5 Community Connections 6 Field trip: Fun learning at Showalter’s Orchard 8 Quilting: Not just for grandma’s generation anymore 12 A refreshing experiment 14 Shenandoah Spotlight on Caitlin McAvoy 16 Declutter and save the earth, one bag at a time 18 How to help a child with an eating disorder
8
20 Cheesy Chicken and Black Bean Enchiladas 22 Grandma’s cemetery memories 23 A silent grief 24 GSI: Grime Scene Investigation
32
26 Do it until it’s right 28 Very married: Keeping marriage vows 30 Surviving the 7-day mania of meal planning 32 Family hiking–a hands on experience 35
28
Word Search
In Every Issue
Community Connections pg. 5
Money Matters pg. 12
Shenandoah Spotlight pg. 14
Cooking Corner pg. 20
Family Forum pg. 23
Living can be found at these locations, and more, throughout the Valley: Harrisonburg DQ Grill & Chill, Carlton St. DQ Grill Harmony Square Friendly City Food Coop Gift and Thrift Golden Corral Hardesty Higgins Harrisonburg Farmer’s Market Kate’s Natural Products Massanutten Regional Library Mercy House
Mr. J’s Harmony Square Red Front Supermarket Sentara RMH Clinic Sentara RMH Medical Center Rt. 11 North Exxon Salvation Army Store Sharp Shopper Shenandoah Heritage Farmers Market Styles Unlimited
Bridgewater/Dayton Dayton Farmer’s Market Bridgewater Foods Supermarket Broadway/Timberville Broadway Supermarket Crider’s Store Mac’s Superette Turner Ham
Elkton/Shenandoah Countryside Market/Exxon 340 Market & Deli/Liberty Elkton Grocery Mamma Mia Restaurant Linville Mac’s Market Luray Shoppers Value Foods
Mt. Crawford Joy Foodmart Exxon
Penn Laird 7-Eleven On The Run
Mt. Solon/Augusta Co. Zach’s Country Store North River Country Store
Singer’s Glen Grandle’s Glenview Market
New Market 7-Eleven
Weyers Cave Weyers Cave Super Save
Cover photo: On a crisp morning last fall, Sarah Showalter stands beside one of the many apple trees in the orchards she and her husband Shannon took over from his parents in 2002. In addition to supplying the valley with a variety of foods, beverages, and landscaping plants, she and Shannon create unique learning experiences for school children and visitors of all ages. PHOTO BY LAUREE PURCELL
Fall 2016 • living 3
Interconnected Autumn is the season of the harvest. The wheat has matured and turned the fields to waves of gold. The tomatoes are ready for picking, apples hang heavy on the trees and sweet potatoes and pumpkins are turning a rich, ripe orange. Cultures all over the world celebrate reaping the fruits of their labors and such festivals are a chance for us to think about what we will be reaping at the end of this year. What seeds did we sow over the past months? What relationships did we water? What commitments did we neglect? Fall is more than just the season of the harvest. For students everywhere, it is a new start. Fall is the beginning of a new school year and with that comes a chance to improve on past successes, learn from previous mistakes, form good habits and break poor ones. As the grain is threshed and the trees turn red, people everywhere have the chance to reflect on the past year and plan for the one to come. What seeds did you plant back in the spring that are ready for harvesting now? Were you kind to a new coworker, who is now your friend? Did you welcome a new neighbor, whose kids are now playmates with your own? Did you decide to learn something new and are now celebrating your increased knowledge? We are lucky that opportunities to grow are not found only in spring. We can plant those seeds of growth whenever we wish. This issue shares stories of those who breathed new life into their marriage by watering the wilting plant with honesty. Others planted the seeds of responsibility in their teens by giving them an allowance and watched those crops grow slowly over years. Still others made the soil fertile for their children and helped them plant the seeds of creativity with something as simple as a brown paper bag. The fruits of such labors are not harvested only in autumn. As the seasons change and the world shifts away from summer, make the changes in your life you wish to implement. Winter will settle in sooner than any of us ever plan on. Even now, as temperatures still soar into the 90s and thunderstorms still rumble across the sky, the days grow shorter and the earth prepares to sleep. This year’s crop still flows thick out of the fields, with no plan of stopping just yet. Farmers are hauling in carrots, eggplants, onions, peppers and squash. What will you be harvesting this time next year? Stephanie Hertzenberg, editorial intern
4 living • Fall 2016
Volume 25 No. 3
Valley Living inspires hope, encourages faith and builds positive relationships in the home, workplace and community. Media for Living, Publisher Melodie Davis, Editor Ivette Churney, Sales Representative Peter Churney, Sales Representative Mary Jo Veurink, Layout & Design Lindsey Shantz, Production & Finance Manager
Advertising
To reserve space in future editions (540) 433-5351 or info@valleyliving.org
Media for Living Board of Directors Trisha Blosser, President David Rohrer, Vice President Tracey Veney, Secretary Jonas Borntrager Beth Driver LaDawn Knicely Angela Rempel
Opinions expressed in Valley Living are not necessarily those of Media for Living. Published cooperatively with Media for Living, a non-profit corporation, 1251 Virginia Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22802 (540) 433-5351 • info@valleyliving.org www.valleyliving.org Printed in the USA by Engle Printing, Mount Joy, Pa. © 2016 by Media for Living
Community Connections Letters, local events, news Valley Living’s 25th anniversary reception open to all
September 17 beginning at 7 a.m. from Eastern Mennonite School. The ride proceeds assist several local agencies including Roberta Webb Child Care Center & Preschool, Our Community Place, and New Bridges Immigrant Resource Center, as well as several larger church organizations. At 10:15 a.m. there is a bike rodeo, and at 11 a.m. a five mile family ride. Experienced riders can choose up to 100 mile long routes starting at various times. For more information and fees for registration, visit bikeshenandoah.org.
You are invited to drop by Valley Living’s 25th Anniversary reception celebration Tuesday, October 18, 5-7 p.m. at the Eagle Carpet Community Room, 1188 Port Republic Road in Harrisonburg. You will be able to meet and mingle with staff and board, hear briefly from editor Melodie Davis, page through back copies from 25 years ago, and munch on goodies provided by the anniversary sponsor, LD&B Insurance and Financial Services. Please RSVP by October 11 to info@valleyliving.org or call (540) 433-5351.
Pleasant View, Inc. celebrates 45 years in Harrisonburg/ Rockingham County
The 19th annual Bike Shenandoah fundraiser takes place Saturday,
The Valley Living board accepted Bonnie Hamilton’s resignation recently from service on the board. She and her husband have decided to move back to Colorado. Hamilton was instrumental in connecting Valley Living with Steel Wheels Band last year for an article. Her volunteer contributions were greatly appreciated by staff and board.
Correction
The name of a new board member for Valley Living was incorrectly reported in the summer issue. The new member is Beth Driver, attorney at law with Hoover Penrod PLC in Harrisonburg where her practice focuses on civil litigation.
Word Search Notes
Responses from readers
Readers enjoyed the two local articles the most in the summer issue of Valley Living, with “Pooches who work” collecting 74 favorite votes. The article by Lauree Purcell titled “A caring staff keeps love alive at Pleasant View” got 68 nods, tying with an article on brothers who almost drowned titled “Please save my boys!” Also, “My husband’s wedding band” had 67 votes and “Consider the ant” 31 to round out the top favorite summer issue articles. In all 243 readers returned puzzles.
A benefit concert, “Mosaic of Music,” celebrating Pleasant View’s 45 years of supporting people with disabilities will take place October 2 at 3 p.m. at Park View Mennonite Church in Harrisonburg. Hosted by Park View and Trinity Presbyterian Churches, the concert will feature performances by Paulo Steinberg on piano, Virginia Bethune on harp, piano and organ, Edward Gant on cello, John Fast on organ, and the Pleasant View Worship Team and Park View Mennonite Choir. A free will offering will be taken in lieu of tickets. For more information contact Pam Miller at (540) 560-1134.
Bike Shenandoah benefits community and families
Board member Bonnie Hamilton to move
New editorial intern for Valley Living
Stephanie Hertzenberg (see editorial on page 4) is serving as a volunteer editorial intern for Valley Living for the next year. She is a recent graduate from The College of William and Mary, with a major in religious studies and a minor in creative writing. She has written the editorial for the Fall issue of Valley Living. Hertzenberg moved to Harrisonburg when she was nine, and graduated from Spotswood High School in 2012. She has a black labradoodle that she enjoys spoiling rotten.
Letters from readers
Relates to things I’ve gone through The stories I liked best are also experiences that I have gone through and am able to relate to them. Thanks so much for another great issue of Living. –Ethel Ernst, Churchville
Bonding a lost art? In these days of technology, the art of spending family time and special bonding moments are lost. I read to my children, my children read to our grandchildren, and it’s wonderful seeing our grandchildren reading to our greatgrandchildren. Books are in their hands, not gadgets! –Virginia Furry, Bridgewater Letter policy: Valley Living prints letters from readers only when signed with a name and location, as space allows in this section of the paper. Names and locations may be withheld upon request or at the discretion of the editor. We read all letters but cannot print anonymous letters. Fall 2016 • living 5
Field trip:
Fun learning at Showalter’s Orchard by LAUREE STROUD PURCELL The Shenandoah Valley is fortunate to have a number of lovely orchards where anyone can find a wide variety of fresh apples each fall—some still on the trees ready for picking. Shannon and Sarah Showalter took over Showalter’s Orchard in Timberville from Shannon’s parents, Joe and Frances Showalter, in 2002. Ever since, they have been building their scenic apple and peach orchards into a fun destination to learn about agriculture through festivals, celebrations, field trips and picnics. Children of all ages come with their classes or with parents for a unique learning experience they can’t get in the classroom. Visitors look out at miles of beautiful countryside from the hilltop picnic area where a new official Virginia LOVE sign was recently installed. The first of the sweet dessert apples—Ginger Gold and Galas, are available for picking by the end of August. The Summer Rambos, great for making applesauce, were picked in late July and can be purchased in the orchard store along with sunflowers and a variety of freshly cut flowers. The orchard’s peach flowers froze this spring, so there will be no peach picking on the farm this fall. The Showalters may be selling some peaches from a neighboring farm. The orchard’s Apple Harvest Celebration will be October 15 this year. It is always a fun day for the whole family held
on the third Saturday in October. The Showalters do their best to make the celebration authentic and exceptional each fall. There is no admission fee, but there is plenty of fun entertainment, apple picking, live music by several groups throughout the day, local food trucks, apple cider, donuts, antique tractor rides, a giant inflatable slide, balloon creations, apple dumplings and hard cider tastings and sales. Parking is an issue, so carpooling is a good idea. “I love how in the fall, people are celebrating bounty and have a gracious attitude. They are in a warm, nesting mode and seem changed after being busy all summer,” said Sarah. Local artisans attend the celebration. Last fall, a weaver of rugs, a jewelry maker, a person who makes lights from repurposed things and a woodcrafter all helped make the day memorable. From the beginning of the new school year until mid October when the harvest is finished, the Showalters have four time slots each week to provide field trip experiences in the orchard for school children of all ages. Each field trip is tailored to meet the goals of the teachers who schedule the trips. The students get a tour, have lunch in the field where they are offered samples of sweet cider and apple juice, pick a small pumpkin from the field and an apple from a tree, and ride in large apple boxes while being pulled by a tractor through the orchard. Sarah and Shannon want to provide opportunities for consumers to meet the people who grow their food, to know
“Being directly connected with the producers of your food allows your understanding to grow. You can get answers to your questions,” said Sarah.
6 living • Fall 2016
Showalter’s Orchard has been a farm since 1913, so it is over 100 years old. Shannon Showalters’ parents Joe and Frances Showalter bought the farm in 1965 and added the greenhouses in 1971 to sell annuals, bedding plants, hanging baskets and patio planters when apples are not in season. In the early 70s, the Showalters built the cold storage area to keep apples long enough for people to buy them directly from the farm. In 1975, they added a hydraulic cider press. Joe and Frances’ sweet cider press hose looked like a gasoline pump and people brought their own containers to fill with cider. “It was a nice way to repurpose and recycle containers, but that’s not allowed now,” said Sarah. Joe and Frances still live nearby, but they often travel now that they are retired. Sarah was teaching when she and Shannon bought the farm from his parents, but she resigned in 2011 to help run the business full time and start the hard cider line. She often uses the skills she perfected teaching grades first, second and third to guide students through learning experiences when they come on field trips. Sarah feels blessed to have the business, but admits they all work hard. They work to keep the business a sustainable, viable option for their son and daughter should they choose it someday. Their son, who is studying agriculture at Virginia Tech, is most interested in the production of apples. Their daughter, a high school freshman, appreciates the marketing and greenhouse aspects of the business. Less than two percent of Virginians have a connection to a farm even though agriculture is the largest private sector industry in this state. The Showalters believe it is important for everyone, especially children, to understand where food comes from. Agritourism helps sustain the Showalter farm. “We invite people with open arms to come and be here, learn, appreciate agriculture and be a voice for it. Most farmers don’t have time to explain what they are doing to educate people. So we are fortunate we get to interact with consumers every day to help them understand the conscientiousness, stewardship and efficacy that farmers live by,” notes Sarah. “We use the land to feed the world in an efficient way while taking care of our land for the future.”
A retired school bus driver from the Rockingham County public schools, Delmas Ratliff enjoys giving students of all ages tractor tours of Showalter’s Orchard.
LAUREE STROUD PURCELL serves as an editorial consultant for Living. She and her husband Steve have two daughters. PHOTOS BY LAUREE PURCELL
those farmers are feeding their own families what they grow, and to feel good about what they’re eating because it is grown responsibly and is not harmful. “People have questions and concerns about their food. There are lots of things they don’t understand and there is lots of misinformation. Being directly connected with the producers of your food allows your understanding to grow. You can get answers to your questions,” said Sarah. The First Lady of the Commonwealth, Dorothy McAuliffe, has dedicated her efforts to eliminating childhood hunger and improving access to Virginia’s fresh, locally grown agricultural products for all Virginians. The Showalters attend many of the local schools’ “farm to school” agriculture education days in the fall and spring. They provide a variety of apples for students to sample and help illustrate the science and social studies standards of learning (SOLs) associated with agriculture with real life examples. “We use natural, human and capital resources on our farm, but it’s easier to show this to children in a hands-on concrete way when they come to visit us on a field trip where they can see the SOLs in action and in person,” explained Sarah. The farm has an educational trail loop with about ten signs within the orchard. A map is available in the tasting room for anyone who would like to walk the trail and learn about the process of growing apples and getting them to the consumer. Open year round, Showalter’s Orchard welcomes visitors from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Saturday. In addition to selling apples and hard and sweet cider, the orchard store serves as an outlet for other local producers with a variety of foods, treats, cookbooks and children’s books. In May, the Showalters unveiled their very own official Virginia LOVE sign they designed themselves out of the wood from their apple trees and from stainless steel like the tanks that hold their sweet and hard cider. The Virginia Tourism Corporation approved the sign as one of the official LOVEworks on display throughout the state to promote the “Virginia Is For Lovers” theme. (Left) Sarah Showalter gives cider samples to children picnicking in her orchard during a school field trip. (Right) Former customer service representative Sara Wittig helps Sandra Stroud decide what to purchase from the orchard’s store.
Fall 2016 • living 7
Quilting: Not just for grandma’s generation anymore by MELODIE M. DAVIS
Quilting has been a vibrant folk and practical art in the Shenandoah Valley ever since waves of German families— Mennonite, Old Order, Brethren and Lutheran—settled here in the early 1700s. But quilting today is not just for your grandmother or older aunt, say Valley quilting enthusiasts Barbara Cline of near Bridgewater, and Amanda Holsinger of rural Broadway. Quilt art is creatively stitched by those under 40 as well as over, including 8 to 9 year olds up through 80 to 90 year olds, and not just females. Plus, modern quilting doesn’t have to be handstitched to win prizes and acclaim. Barbara is the author of four books on the craft and well remembers her earliest attempts at quilting under the watchful eye of her grandmother, Vera Early Heatwole, also from the Shenandoah Valley. Grandmother loved to teach the art of quilting and wanted Barbara and all six of her sisters to not only learn to quilt, but come to love it. Barbara vividly recalls Grandmother inviting her and her sisters to a “quilting.” Like other girls of her time, Barbara already had experience sewing items both by hand and on a machine. After her first attempt quilting at Grandma’s house, she hated it. “The needle kept bouncing back into my face,” she recalls. But her third lesson was the charm where she began to feel “Hey, I can do this” and sensed the satisfaction of accomplishment. For a while, Barbara’s parents owned the fabric and sewing supply store in Dayton, Va. now known as Patchwork Plus. Barbara says her father thought a sewing store would be a good family business with seven daughters. Barbara began working there after school when she grew old enough, putting
away “sewing notions” (supplies), and later, selling fabrics. Although her parents eventually sold the business, she still teaches quilting classes there and wherever she is invited, as part of her far-flung quilting business. Teaching quilting is an opportunity to not only “give back” but to do so better. “I was always a slow learner in school,” Barbara remembers. “So when I teach classes, I take special joy in working with those who might be having a hard time understanding what is meant by directions or how to do it themselves.”
The biggest thing is just to enjoy it and just relax. Some are afraid to try new steps. Don’t worry about making mistakes.
PHOTOS PROVIDED
If you take a look at the quilting how-to books Barbara writes on easier methods of piecing together innovative quilt designs, you would know she has a special knack for geometry, art and design. Her four books are called, “Amazingly Simple Triangle Stars,” “Simple Triangles,” “Diamond Chain Quilts” and “Star Struck Quilts,” from C & T Publishing. She is now working on a fifth book for which she is holding a quilting retreat with her sisters. “My books place an emphasis on easier techniques for piecing fabrics and creating new patterns,” she explains. One of Barbara’s favorite wall hanging quilts was made from a photo taken of her grandmother Vera quilting (see photo)—a marvel in creative quilt design. Barbara frequently quilts by machine but enjoys the fellowship and camaraderie of the sewing circle with others from her church, Dayton Mennonite, as they make beautiful quilts and comforters for people in need and to donate to the annual quilt auction at the Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale. Amanda Holsinger’s quilting is completely done by machine. She “freehands” stitches with a machine known as a longarm. A longarm is substantial investment, so Amanda uses this type machine to stitch quilts for some income from her home. She has an Etsy online shop and does custom work when someone wants her to stitch a quilt they’ve pieced or designed. (Left) Barbara Cline’s grandmother Vera (shown in quilt wall hanging, left) contracted measles at age 34 and went deaf overnight. Barbara admired her grandmother not only for her quilting but for parenting while deaf. Vera experienced a constant roar in her head. Partially to get her mind off the noise, she quilted whenever she could, using scraps of material from her daughters’ dresses. Her biography was written by Judy Yoder, Vera’s Journey (Vision Publishers, 2009).
8 living • Fall 2016
Quilts are made of a top layer pieced and designed usually along a specific pattern; a middle layer of “cushion” known as “batting;” and quilt backing, usually a large single piece of either plain or patterned fabric. There are several different ways to do the actual quilting or joining together of the layers. One is to tie large knots with thick string, which results in the commonly known “comfort,” or “comforter.” Another is the traditional hand stitching Barbara’s grandmother taught her. But there are also several ways to do machine stitching with Amanda’s longarm machine. These include 1) using an attachment that computerizes the operation according to software with different designs; 2) marking the quilt with a pattern and following curlicues, swirls, triangles, waves or lines that edge the small quilt pieces; or 3) freehand, which is what Amanda enjoys most. “I just ‘doodle,’ moving the machine over the quilt top however the fabric moves me.” Amanda’s interest in quilting first came while she and her husband lived in Blacksburg, Va., where she learned from a Continued on page 10.
Quilting Resources, Classes, Groups, Fabrics, Museum, and Shows! “Beloved Amish and Mennonite Quilts” coloring book. Coming soon at Herald Press. http:// store.mennomedia.org/ComingSoon-C1009.aspx or 800-245-7894. Patchwork Plus, 540-879-2505, 17 Killdeer Lane Dayton. Offers full schedule of groups and classes. http://patchworkplus-quilting.com/classes/calendar/ Ragtime Fabrics, 540-434-5663, 926 West Market Street, Harrisonburg. Offers various groups and summer kids’ and teens’ camps, including quilting. Camp participants are then eligible to attend monthly sewing circles especially for children and teens during the school year. www. ragtimefabrics.com/ The Cloth Peddler, 540-868-9020, 5330 Main St, Stephens City. www.clothpeddler.com Rachel’s Quilt Patch, 540-886-7728, 40 Middlebrook Avenue, Staunton. www.rachelsquiltpatch.com Virginia Quilt Museum, 540-433-3818, 301 S. Main Street, Harrisonburg. Entrance fee. Features historical quilts and exhibits that change frequently. www.vaquiltmuseum.org The Shenandoah Valley Quilters Guild, organizes a huge quilt show every other year with prizes, contests and vendors; next one in 2018. Meets third Saturday of every month at the Sunnyside Presbyterian Retirement Community, Harrisonburg. www.SVQG.org Virginia Mennonite Relief Sale Quilt Auction. Annual auction & sale benefitting Mennonite Central Committee. Sept. 30 – Oct. 1, 2016, Rockingham County Fairgrounds. http:// vareliefsale.com/ auction-category/ quilts
(Upper left) Barbara Cline holds a wall hanging with one of the star designs that will be in her new quilting book coming out in 2017. (Bottom) Amanda Holsinger illustrates the beauty of stitching with her longarm machine.
Fall 2016 • living 9
“It’s art: it can’t be ‘wrong,’” she summarizes. “Unless it falls apart! Then there’s something wrong,” she laughs. friend who had been taught how to quilt by an older woman. “This is an exciting time to explore quilting,” Amanda adds. “I started with a basic Log Cabin pattern, hand quilting and all “A lot of people have a lot to offer. The more quilters we have, that; as I got more interested, my personality of wanting to get the better. We have great shops in this area with great quilting things done quickly led me to like machine quilting far better.” fabric!” (see sidebar). Then while living in Arkansas ten years or so ago, Amanda The Holsingers have four children; the two oldest are boys, was introduced to longarm quilting through quilt shops that ages 13 and 10, and the two younger are girls, ages 5 and 1. rented out longarms. “I learned how to do it and eventually got How does she find time to do quilting of any type with four one of my own,” she explained. She hasn’t really looked back. active children? Once a month an organization known as Quilts of Valor “I share my sewing room with my daughters,” explains sends her a quilt to stitch, for veterans and wounded soldiers. Amanda. They play while she sews. “They are pretty good Amanda’s husband is a pilot with the West Virginia Air Guard. with playing there throughout the day; in the summer I garden, “He’s flown wounded soldiers out of Afghanistan and has seen so I don’t have a lot of time. When they all go back to school, Quilt of Valor quilts with soldiers on his missions,” Amanda I’ll do a lot more.” She continues, “It’s very much a creative noted, a neat connection with her husband’s work. Amanda moment; it’s my fantasy world, if I can get a few minutes on also donates quilts to other local auctions such as one for a the machine.” new playground at Plains Elementary School. Amanda and her family attend Muhlenberg Lutheran Church What would Amanda say to other young quilters interested in Harrisonburg, and she has enjoyed “comfort making” with in the art but not sure they’ve got the patience or skill for it? Lutheran women here in the Valley which is very popular. “I would say the biggest thing is just to enjoy it and just relax. The women of the Timberville Lutheran parish make about Some are afraid to try new steps. Don’t worry about making 100 tied “comforts” a year. Amanda says it seems to be a neat mistakes.” She points out that older quilters who make fine, Valley tradition she’s not found in other areas where she’s tiny stitches so easily have had years and years to perfect their lived, perhaps stemming from those similar German roots for skills. many Mennonites, Brethren, Amish and Lutherans. Amanda also notes there are all kinds of quilters. “There are some that just piece, some that just quilt and everything in WE DELIVER! 540-217-5793 or 540-801-TOGO between. The more we have, the more it develops. It’s a really ORDER ONLINE! www.DavesTaverna.com exciting time to be a quilter.” 810 Port Republic Rd., Harrisonburg, VA Continued from page 9.
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Photo contest winners!
We are pleased to announce the winners of the 25th Anniversary Summer Photo Contest. The theme was “Favorite Family Vacation Photo–Virginia” and we are thrilled at the entries we received. The winning entries, and their wonderful photographers, are as follows: The Grand Prize winner is fourteen year old Summer Slacum of Stevensville, Maryland. Her photograph, “Grace” (right), depicts a girl hiking in the mountains on a day with an amazingly clear atmosphere. The judges commented they “loved the motion in the girl hiking. The clouds, sky, mountains, rocks–it all speaks Virginia.” Miss Slacum’s “Grace” is also the winner in the 13-19 year old category. Rockingham County, Virginia’s Emily Weaver took the prize in the 20-25 year old category with “Nothing can dull our sparkle!” (top left). Her photograph is of two young girls holding sparklers. The judges said “what caught our eye were the catchlights in the girls’ eyes. A very sweet and innocent capture using only sparklers to light their faces.” Ages 26 and up Joyce Brown of Warrenton, Virginia won in the 26 and up age group. “Summer in the Woods” (bottom left) shows a girl sitting by a body of water on a concrete slab. A pair of black flip-flops, presumably the girl’s, are seen in the foreground. The judges remarked “our eye was drawn to the flip flops, and the concrete wall then drew our eye to the girl. The reflection in the water is cool and green.” Congratulations to our winners and thank you to all those who entered! See these beautiful photos online and read about the contest judges, www.valleyliving.org.
Fall 2016 • living 11
Money Matters
Guidance on family finances
by KEN GONYER My wife Karen and I have been conducting a financial experiment this year. After reading a book about what the Bible says about money, Karen suggested we update our budget to include a certain amount of “give away money.” The experiment would test the idea that giving money away can bring greater joy than simply having money to spend. Every other week, each of us would receive an amount, in cash, to give away to whomever we wanted. The only rule was we had to give it, not spend it. I agreed to try it, but I have to admit I wasn’t immediately enthusiastic about the idea. When I did the math in my head, I realized the amount we’d be giving away in a year was sizable. It would easily fund the purchase of some really nice stuff—stuff I wouldn’t mind having! That much money could go toward a beach vacation or a cruise. More practically, it could cover a lot of expensive car repairs or help pay for our kids’ braces. Perhaps because of this resistant attitude, I held onto my cash for a while before I figured out what to do with it. I wanted God to lead me in this exercise, so it seemed like I should give wisely, not just leave cash on the sink in some public restroom. I started looking around at the people and
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A refreshing experiment
An experiment to share “give away money” as a couple can provide rich rewards and insights you’ll value.
situations around me, searching for needs. It wasn’t easy. For one thing, I realized I spend most of my time with people who want for very little. Another challenge was even when I saw a potential need, my first motivation wasn’t to help them, it was to silently judge them for managing their life poorly. The third problem was I simply kept forgetting about the experiment as my attention was drawn back toward my own daily challenges. Every few days, however, I would stumble upon the cash in my wallet. I was tempted more than once to spend the money on a nice lunch or an impulse purchase at the grocery store. More often, though, the cash would be my reminder to keep my eyes open and ears receptive to an opportunity to give. This other-centeredness soon had an effect. Something miserly and selfish inside of me began to shift and shrink. As days passed, I discovered the cash didn’t look like lunch money or grocery money anymore. Instead, it began to look like a way to be kind, show compassion and focus on others. The “give away money” bought gas for a mother commuting between one child at a distant hospital and one child at
home. It helped buy roofing cement and supplies to patch an elderly lady’s leaky roof. It bought a pizza dinner for a couple with sick kids and a hectic schedule. It helped a short-term missionary fund their trip. Sometimes the recipient knew the gift was from me, and sometimes I gave anonymously. Either way, I experienced joy. In recent months, I find myself looking for ways to be a blessing. This is different from seeking to meet a financial need, although it often does. I just want the “give away money” be an encouragement to someone. Meanwhile, my judgmental attitude has slowly dissolved into something like empathy. My heart seems to be opening up to the world around me.
Another challenge was even when I saw a potential need, my first motivation wasn’t to help them, it was to silently judge them for managing their life poorly. Proverbs 11:24-25 says “One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” Looking back on my own journey with giving, I realize it is spiritual poverty to close our hearts to needs we see, needs that God may be nudging us to help meet. It is poverty to horde and defend wealth without faith that God will provide. Now I’d say giving actually feels good. Somehow I feel wealthier every time I give. Letting go of the cash helps me to let go of the “stuff” of this world and grab onto things that matter more, such as relationships, belief, trust, charity
and hope. It makes me grateful for the abundant blessings I have been given. Like the tithes and offerings we give, this experiment in giving turns my heart toward God as my provider. I trust Him more. It’s an awesome opportunity to participate in God’s provision for someone else. It’s also a lot of fun. So far, I would call this year’s financial experiment a success. We’re enjoying spiritual freedom as materialism loosens its grip on us. We engage more in the lives of people around us as we seek to be a blessing. As a couple, our conversations about giving bring energy and encouragement into otherwise mundane conversations about money. The proverb says whoever refreshes others will be refreshed, and it’s true. For us, this experience has truly been refreshing. Ken and Karen Gonyer live in Broadway, VA. Ken is the CEO of Choice Books, headquartered in Harrisonburg. Karen is a real estate agent with Kline May Realty in Harrisonburg. Email questions to ken.gonyer@gmail.com.
LaDawn Knicely, MA, M.Div. REALTOR®, Broker/Owner
(540) 421-6941 | HometownRealtyGroup.com LaDawn.Knicely@HometownRealtyGroup.com 7 Killdeer Lane, Ste. A. Dayton, VA 22821
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Sept. 30 & Oct. 1 Rockingham County Fairgrounds, Harrisonburg, VA Quilts, artwork, homemade donuts, applebutter, country breakfast, bbq chicken, international foods, antiques, crafts, music, & activities for the whole family. Special events, activities, & auction items commemorating the 50th anniversary! More information, a complete schedule of events, and reserved auction seating is available
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Fall 2016 • living 13
PHOTO PROVIDED
Shenandoah Spotlight Young adults to watch
Caitlin McAvoy by LAUREE S. PURCELL
C
aitlin McAvoy, from Hinton, Va., found a passion for performance at an early age, falling in love with dance at age 3. At 16, her passion for performance developed into helping others through dance, teaching her own classes at the Harrisonburg Recreation Center where she began her dancing career. Now, she’s a JMU grad with a degree in Musical Theater and her dancing career is taking her on frequent trips to New York City for auditions and training. She’s the definition of the upand-coming artist, working a “survival” job and saving up cash for her next trip to the next audition. If you ask her though, her true passion lies in helping others heal through dance therapy. During the summer of 2014, Caitlin spent a week with 28 orphaned and abused girls in the war-torn city of Timisoara, Romania. Revolution broke out in 1990 in Romania and the country has never fully recovered. The aftershocks of the violence are still being felt generations later. To help the area recover, Deborah House was established by Missio Link International to be a home of refuge for young girls affected by domestic and sexual abuse. JMU’s Hillcrest Scholarship for Honors students funded Caitlin’s trip after she learned about Deborah House from Harrisonburg Rotary Club member, Dr. Steve Wingfield. Using dance as a form of therapy, Caitlin created a program to help the girls of Deborah House reconnect with their playfulness and creativity through the avenue of dance. While Deborah House helped the young women on practical skills, they lacked the funding to expose the children to the Arts. “It was incredibly serendipitous that I had the ability to offer what they needed,” Caitlin said. Each day, Caitlin taught the Romanian girls dance therapy inspired games in order to create original choreography produced by the children in preparation for a public performance in the local town park. “The girls didn’t have families to invite—they were each other’s family - so having the community gather to appreciate their performance was awe-inspiring. I was overwhelmed to watch them on that stage. They had a story to tell and a platform on which to tell it,” said Caitlin. The results of the performance were remarkable. “One girl, Madalina, came up to me after final bows and in her broken English called herself a ‘beautiful ballerina.’ That idea - that she saw herself as a beautiful being and a capable artist – that was what I wanted to accomplish.”
14 living • Fall 2016
The concept of dance therapy is relatively new, and Caitlin is still searching for a community of like-minded dancers to help the movement expand. She would like to create a nonprofit organization to promote dance therapy as a way to treat young victims of abuse around the world, and the response has been positive in pursuing that dream. Not only has Caitlin found a passion to develop dance therapy more fully, she is currently in the process of recreating the program in local and international communities. “Through this trip, I have discovered an untapped form of creativity and healing, and I want to be at the forefront of this movement,” said Caitlin. Caitlin was mentored by many of JMU’s faculty in preparation for her trip and shares a very close bond with the School of Theatre and Dance. “Growing up in the Valley, I was fully prepared to leave the area in order to find rigorous training in the Arts. But I remember distinctly when JMU started building the Forbes Center in my 8th grade year and wondering what the result would be.” That result has been a highly revered Musical Theatre program named by the Princeton Review as one of the best on the East Coast. As a student, Caitlin spent five years performing with JMU’s Summer Theatre in over 15 productions. “To this day I still have kids and parents come up to me and ask if I’m Charlotte from “Charlotte’s Web” or “Pinkalicious.” I can’t help but smile every time.” She’s a performer at heart and would love to break into the stage and film scene in the City That Never Sleeps. But ultimately she dreams of developing a platform to give a voice to the abused and forgotten in order to enact change around the world. LAUREE STROUD PURCELL is an editorial consultant and writer for Living.
Know someone 30 or under to nominate for a future Shenandoah Spotlight? Requirements are: Valley resident or grew up here, outstanding for their job, community, or church work, and the model they provide. Contact us at info@valleyliving.org.
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Eagle Carpet Community Room 1188 Port Republic Road, Harrisonburg Meet and mingle with staff and board of Valley Living, friends & family! Refreshments, register for door prizes, view historical first issues. Please RSVP by Oct. 11. Email info@valleyliving.org or call (540) 433-5351. Sponsored by
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Fall 2016 • living 15
Declutter and save the earth, one bag at a time PHOTOS ©ADOBE STOCK
by ASHLEY TALMADGE
R
eusable bags may qualify as standard equipment for any 21st century shopper, but many of us still manage to arrive at the grocery store minus the canvas. In that case, don’t forget to ask for paper over plastic at checkout. In addition to being better for the environment, there are also many ways to repurpose your stack of brown paper sacks. Who knows? You might enjoy it so much you start collecting bags from neighbors. Save the surface. Brown bags prove to be a great boon for summer projects. Cut and spread them to protect your tables and floors from glue, paint and glitter while your kids go craftcrazy.
In addition to being better for the environment, there are also many ways to repurpose your stack of brown paper sacks. Wrap and decorate. Cut brown bags into large sheets and embellish with paint, glitter or rubber stamps for quick DIY gift wrap. Your child’s handprints will add a personal touch to a gift for Grandma. Create a bounty of bows by cutting bags into half inch strips, about eight inches long. Curl the strips with a scissor blade and staple several together. Affix bows to gifts and wrapping’s a cinch. Shred to bits. Run your paper bags through the shredder to
Reusing paper bags can let both you and your child unleash your creativity without breaking your budget.
create oodles of great packing or party material. Safely ship your fragile items or shower the birthday girl with armloads of confetti. Ripen fruit. Place three or four pieces of not-quite-ripe fruit in a brown bag. Fold the bag loosely and set on the counter. In a couple of days your peaches and avocados will ripen to mouth-watering perfection. Plant a seed. Make your own seed start containers. Roll a double sheet of brown bag paper into a cylinder (two to three inches long and the diameter of a toilet paper tube). Seal along the side with a strip of masking tape and label it. Fashion the bottom by folding the paper and taping lightly. Place several
Where to find brown paper grocery bags in or near the Shenandoah Valley: Red Front Supermarket Friendly City Food Coop Bridgewater Foods Sharp Shopper Food Lion (upon request) Martin’s Trader Joe’s in Charlottesville (the default bags are paper!) Whole Foods in Charlottesville Harris Teeter 16 living • Fall 2016
One reader warns not all brown paper bags are created equal. Some are very thin! More uses! For even more ideas on what to do with all those wonderful bags, visit the blog of Shenandoah Valley blogger Jennifer Kurtz Murch and this link: www. jennifermurch.com/2008/07/brown-bags. html.
paper tubes in a watertight tray. (The bottom of a clamshell take-out box works well.) Fill containers with potting soil, plant your seeds and water. Gardener’s gift. For a perfect weed barrier, spread flattened brown bags (instead of landscape fabric) around your plantings. Cut slits or holes for your veggies, flowers, and shrubs. Or shred the bags, and add to your compost bin as you would leaf debris. Aromatherapy. Cut and fold brown paper into envelopes, making sure the sides and bottom are well sealed. Place a favorite natural scent-producer in each packet—dried lavender, coffee beans, cedar chips, a cinnamon stick. Seal the top and stash in a drawer or closet for scent-sational infusions. Floor makeover. You won’t need much more than white glue, polyurethane and a big stack of sacks to create a uniquely beautiful and durable floor. Let your DIY nature
FOLLOW the LEADER!
ASHLEY TALMADGE is a freelance writer and mother of two boys from Oregon. Her articles have appeared in dozens of parenting and lifestyle publications across the U.S. and Canada.
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shine and wow your friends and family with your thrifty creativity. Multiple sites online provide detailed how-to info. (HomeTalk.com, LovelyCraftyHome.com) Building materials. Make kids’ building blocks by stuffing brown bags about three quarters full with balls of newspaper (or other bags). Fold the top down and secure with packing tape or staples. Voila! Endless hours of fort-creation and tower-building for pint-sized construction workers. Re-bag it. Write “Remember bags!” at the top of your shopping list and put a few in your car. You can usually get several uses out of one brown bag.
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For more information and availability visit www.highlandretreat.org or contact us at 540-705-0554. Fall 2016 • living 17
How to help a child with an eating disorder by GAYLA GRACE
C
hristy’s weight plummeted to 65 pounds. She chewed food for flavor and then spit it out. She wouldn’t drink water for fear of bloating. Without any nutrition she couldn’t get out of bed, her eyes changed color, her menstrual cycle ceased, and she endured a host of other physical problems. One day, her mom broke down crying and said, “You’re killing yourself, Christy. You can’t do this.” Finally, Christy recognized she had a problem. In the process of trying to be perfect, she had let food rule her world. According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, anorexia is the third most common chronic illness among adolescents. Many believe eating disorders are the result of a dysfunctional home or some kind of trauma suffered by the individual, but that is not always the case. Certain factors contribute to eating disorders, but the underlying cause is often difficult to determine. Christy had loving parents who cared for and encouraged her through her pre-adolescent and adolescent years. They never suspected she would develop anorexia. But she did. “I was a curvy girl—not fat—just curvy,” Christy says. When she obtained a contract to model in her late teen years, she decided she no longer wanted her curves. Losing five pounds felt good, so she tried for another five, then another Nearly 3% of teens will struggle with a clinical eating disorder. A further 50% of teen girls and 30% of teen boys will use unhealthy behaviors to control their weight. (REFERENCE–http://www.
eatingdisorderhope.com/information/ statistics-studies)
five, then another. It became a mental struggle as she began to believe her body looked fat, when it really didn’t. She continued to lose weight, fearful of losing control and going back to her curvy self. Once Christy acknowledged her need for help, her mom took her to an outpatient treatment facility for anorexia, where Christy checked in willingly. She made friends with other young women who struggled with similar issues and began to recover through regular sessions of individual and group counseling. Christy was given a meal plan she followed religiously. She gained 40 pounds in a month and many of her physical issues resolved themselves. She felt better than she had in years. Christy advises parents of tween and teen girls to be aware of their daughters’ eating habits. If your daughter starts to pull back from eating or you notice a significant decrease in appetite, ask questions. “Are you not feeling well?” “Are you stressed out?” “Are you feeling pressure at school?” If your daughter focuses on how she looks and is making comments such as, “I’m so fat,” “Look at my belly,” “I need to lose 20 pounds,” pay attention. Today’s society teaches girls the wrong standards. Girls are comparing themselves to photoshopped models and trying to emulate them. Reinforce to your daughter weight is just a number—it doesn’t define who she is. Christy also emphasizes the first female role model for girls is their mom. “Our daughters are watching and learning
It became a mental struggle as she began to believe her body looked fat, when it really didn’t. from us,” she says. She encourages moms to teach their daughters “they don’t have to be perfect, they don’t have to be a certain size, and they don’t have to look a certain way to be successful.” Remind them “Beauty truly comes from within. It’s not your outward appearance that matters most.” If you determine your child has an issue, Christy says, “It needs to be addressed head on. Don’t let it go; it can spiral quickly. Start with a family physician and let the doctor give you suggestions.” Many physicians have their own nutritionist on site that can help. Parents often need support too. Ask for referrals for a counselor trained in eating disorders. “It’s an entire process. They need to know how to eat, what to eat and actually how to start over,” Christy says. Eating disorders often start in girls as young as 11 or 12 when their bodies go through significant change. The strain and pressure put on the body cause long-term
©ADOBE STOCK
Project HEAL: Help to Eat, Accept and Live is a notfor-profit organization that states, “We provide scholarship funding for people with eating disorders who cannot afford treatment, promote healthy body image and selfesteem, and serve as a testament that full recovery from an eating disorder is possible.” Information on this organization can be found at www. theprojectheal.org. 18 living • Fall 2016
effects many don’t recognize. Due to severe dehydration from her refusal to drink water, Christy’s body couldn’t flush out its toxins. This created significant kidney issues that resulted in Christy requiring surgery to combat infection. She still struggles with long-term effects that include regular appointments with a urologist to ensure her kidneys are working properly and has concerns damage to other internal organs could prevent her from having children. Don’t ignore the signs. “An eating disorder is a living, breathing thing. There’s not enough awareness out there. It’s killing people,” says Christy, “but it doesn’t have to.”
Take a News Break
GAYLA GRACE holds a master’s degree in psychology and counseling and seeks to educate and empower parents and stepparents. She is from Louisiana.
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Fall 2016 • living 19
Cooking Corner
Recipes and tips for cooking at home
Cheesy Chicken and Black Bean Enchiladas A low stress meal for busy days! Freeze the leftovers to get an easy-to-prepare dinner later. This recipe is from the Take Them A Meal website and originally from Thriving Home. Serves four to six people. For more information visit https://www. takethemameal.com/recipes/main-dishes/freezermeals/cheesy-chicken-and-black-bean-enchiladas/ Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Coat a 9x9 casserole dish with cooking spray. 2. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add onion and garlic and saute 2 minutes. Add chicken and saute 5 minutes, until golden brown and cooked through. Add taco seasonings to the meat mixture. 3. Stir in black beans, green chiles, and salsa and simmer 5 minutes, until sauce thickens and reduces. 4. Put half of the enchilada sauce on the bottom of the 9x9 casserole dish. Arrange 4-6 tortillas on a flat surface. Top each tortilla with an equal amount of chicken/bean mixture and 1-2 tablespoons cheese. Roll up tortillas and place side by side in a shallow baking dish. Add remaining enchilada sauce to the top. Then, top tortillas with remaining shredded cheese. 5. Bake enchiladas 15 minutes, until cheese is golden. 6. Freezing Instructions: 7. Freeze these before baking and be sure to thaw out completely in the refrigerator before cooking- 6 to 8 hours or overnight.
Homemade Taco Seasoning Recipe
Ingredients: 1 1/2 teaspoon 1/4 teaspoon 1/4 teaspoon 1/4 teaspoon 1/4 teaspoon 1/4 teaspoon 1 teaspoon 1/2 teaspoon 1/2 teaspoon
chili powder garlic powder onion powder crushed red pepper flakes dried oregano paprika ground cumin sea salt black pepper
Directions: Combine the ingredients and use according to your taste in the enchilada recipe. 20 living • Fall 2016
Ingredients: 2 teaspoons 1/4 cup 2 cloves 1 pound 1 (15-ounce) can 1 (4-ounce) can 1/3 cup Desired amount 1/2-1 cup 4-6 (8-inch) 1 1/3 cups
olive oil chopped onion garlic, minced boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1-inch pieces black beans, rinsed and drained diced green chiles prepared salsa, mild, medium or hot homemade taco seasoning (see recipe below) red enchilada sauce whole wheat tortillas shredded Monterey Jack and or Cheddar cheese
Maureen Witmer is the Director of Outreach and Engagement, as well as the Recipe Specialist for TakeThemAMeal.com. Her recipes and photographs can be found on the recipe section of TakeThemAMeal.com. She and her husband Andrew, a professor of History at James Madison University, live in Harrisonburg, Va. Maureen works from home where she cares for their young children.
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Announcing:
Contest sharing your favorite Life Verse, Motto, or Value Statement You Live By! The contest is open to all and there will be three winners. Winners to be revealed at fall Valley Living 25th anniversary reception/celebration Oct. 18. (See details about that event on page 15.) Also announced and published in the winter issue of Valley Living and on our website. Deadline October 1.
Prizes!
Grand prize: Signed and framed print (left) of artwork by longtime Shenandoah Valley artist Robert Beasly, $50 value. Donated to Valley Living by the artist. Dr. Beasley included a favorite Proverb at the bottom, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pitchers of silver,” an illustration of the type of motto we’re looking for in this contest. Second Prize: Signed copy of book “Whatever Happened to Dinner” by editor Melodie M. Davis, $13 value. Third Prize: “5 Minutes with Jesus: Making Today Matter” devotional book by Sheila Walsh (Thomas Nelson publishers, 2015). $10 value, donated by author.
Rules 1. Winners will be announced at www. valleyliving.org by Oct. 19, and on the Valley Living Facebook page. “Like” the page so you’ll see announcements! 2. No more than 3 entries per person. 3. The decisions of the judges shall be final. 4. Staff and immediate families of Valley Living not eligible for prizes. How to enter: By email: Send to info@valleyliving.org. Put “Life Verse Contest” in subject line. By mail: Send to: Life Verse Contest, Valley Living, 1251 Virginia Avenue, Harrisonburg, VA 22802. Entry must be postmarked by October 1. Please include: Name, address, phone number, and email address. By submitting verse, you give your permission for it to be published with your name in Valley Living’s Winter 2016 issue of contest winners and online.
Fall 2016 • living 21
Grandma’s cemetery memories by ARLENE SHOVALD
A
cemetery might not seem like a place for memorable stories, but my grandmother instilled in me a love for these places of solitude with tales of the people buried there. Grandma lived in Crystal Falls, Mich. If she were alive, she would be 137 years old. Every year, we visited Evergreen Cemetery twice: once on Memorial Day and again in the fall. Each time, we brought home the tall green wire baskets filled with the geraniums that decorated the graves of family members. To me, those weren’t just graves. They were people, and I wanted to know about them. Fortunately, Grandma had some answers. Her stories, at least in part, inspired me to be a writer and psychotherapist. As a reporter, my curiosity about cemeteries often inspires me to look up obituaries and write about the lives of those people. That way, they won’t be forgotten.
To me, those weren’t just graves. They were people and I wanted to know about them. Grandma’s daughter, Marian, was 3 years old when she died of spinal meningitis in 1908. Less than a month before, on Christmas, 1907, little Marian beamed with pride when she found a silver tea set “just like Mama’s” under the Christmas tree. It was a test of my grandparents’ faith to lose their curly haired darling, but they had to go on. An epitaph Grandma saw on other children’s tombstones helped ease the pain. It said “Budded on earth to bloom in heaven.” Grandma knew, for whatever reason, God had called Marian home. The grave of another child also fascinated me. Tyler, 8, loved music and sang while his daddy played the banjo. Unfortunately, that was what other boys considered a “sissy” in the early 1900s. A group of them attacked him, laid a board over Tyler’s leg and jumped on it until the bones were
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22 living • Fall 2016
Graveyards can be both places of sadness and for sharing family stories.
shattered. He spent the next few years sitting in a wheelchair, unable to walk. When he died, his daddy put the banjo away and never played again. Near our family plot were seven graves, one a newborn baby girl. The father of the five little girls had worked in the iron mines and was teased about having all daughters. Unable to take the badgering, he went home one night and shot and killed his entire family. He finished the massacre by taking his own life. That was my introduction, at the tender age of 7, to prejudice against women. Grandma would be pleased to know things have changed a lot. A crypt that looked like a small church marked the grave of a former mayor. He was an important and wealthy man who lived on the hill overlooking “his” city. But his days were numbered. He died of blood poisoning when dye from a red slipper got into his system through an ingrown toenail. The “tales from the crypt” my grandma shared taught me a cemetery is not a spooky place. Rather, it is a sacred, special place where the people who laid the foundations for our cities and towns now rest in peace. Before cars, Grandma said, visits to the cemetery were an all-day event. This was especially on “Decoration Day” - now called Memorial Day. Families would pack a picnic lunch and spend the day decorating the graves, sharing memories, having lunch and finally driving home by horse and buggy after a long day honoring their ancestors. As I shared her stories with my children and grandchildren, they too developed both an appreciation for history and old cemeteries. Each fall, I pack a lunch and visit one of the old cemeteries in my current home of Salida, Colo. A friend and I share a “graveyard picnic” as we visit the folks who founded our community over 100 years ago. ARLENE SHOVALD is a freelance writer from Colorado. Readers who have some basic computer skills might enjoy learning about their ancestors at ancestry.com. Membership fees for the site might be an appreciated birthday or other gift.
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Family Forum
Strengthening family relationships
A silent grief by Harvey Yoder
©ADOBE STOCK
“A
voice heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and refusing to be comforted, for they are no more.” This Biblical cry of anguish is felt by all parents, especially mothers, who experience the premature end of a pregnancy, or who give birth to a stillborn or suffer the loss of an infant or young child. Children are not supposed to die before their parents; it is out of sequence. We expect to help them grow and to see them successfully launched. When they die prematurely the normal life cycle is interrupted and our parental dreams come to an abrupt end. I’ll never forget cries for help I’ve heard as a pastor and a counselor from expectant parents who reported the heart of their baby had stopped beating, and their much anticipated new life had been wrenched from them. Having seen sonograms of our grandchildren, I realize more than ever how real and how incredibly precious the life of an unborn baby really is. And as with all losses, we are never fully prepared to deal with it. One young mother shared with me how her five-year-old, who had become super excited over the prospect of welcoming his first little sister, expressed his disbelief and dismay at her miscarriage with, “But Mommy, I’ve been practicing every day how I could help take care of the new baby!” Among the questions he asked his mother were, “Did you eat enough? Did you breathe right, so the baby could get enough air?” All of which added to the heartbreak of his parents’ own “Whys?”“What if’s?” and “Oh No’s.” Later the remaining members of that diminished family stood by a nearby river and read a poem written for their little girl. They then prayed a heartfelt prayer and threw rose petals on the water as they said a final goodbye. As a pastor and family counselor I have learned to feel a deeper compassion for parents going through this kind of loss. And I am better able to identify with an anonymous mother who lost several babies and who wrote the following “Poem Without a Name,” that I found on the “Missing Angels” website: “To those who look away when I grow teary-eyed in the baby department, look a little deeper. Surely you have some compassion in your heart. To those who change the subject when I speak my sons’ names, change your way of thinking. It just might change your whole life. To those who roll their
When we don’t know what to say, it is often most helpful to just say the simplest words that come to mind such as “I’m just so sorry.”
eyes and say that we barely had them at all, and how could we miss them so much, in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times. We have seen their first steps, first days of school, their weddings and their children. We have had them forever in our minds.” When we bury an older adult we are left with a bittersweet collection of memories we can cherish and treasure for years to come. But when we are forced to part with a young child, we are burying all of the dreams of a life so looked forward to and never lived. At such times of grief, our words are often far less helpful than an arm around a mourner’s shoulder, accompanied by a simple and heartfelt, “I’m so, so sorry.” HARVEY YODER is a family counselor and teaches parenting and marriage classes at the Family Life Resource Center. Questions relating to family concerns can be addressed to FLRC, 273 Newman Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801 or to Harvey@flrc.org. His blog can be followed at harvyoder.blogspot.com.
Fall 2016 • living 23
GSI: Grime Scene Investigation by LISA A. BEACH id the front door just slam shut? I wonder. ignore the clue and continue my detective work. “Hello?” I yell out to no one, as I continue watering I gaze around the room and fixate on the empty water bottle the flowers. (no coaster, of course) on the table. I pick up the bottle and I hear muffled noises: footsteps, things being dropped, examine the evidence. Room temperature, no condensation on something hitting the bottle’s exterior, the wall and various slight water mark on doors closing. the table’s surface. “HELLO?” I shout This is a relic from again, trying to figure last night, I wisely out which one of deduce, so it sheds no my family members light on the current just walked into the mystery. house. Suddenly, I hear Silence. water running in the Time to investigate. downstairs bathroom Tapping into my sink. Hoping to catch extensive forensic my Mystery Teen, I background (one dash out of the living forensic science class room just in time to in college, decades of see a shadowy figure watching TV police/ dart around the corner detective dramas and and fly up the stairs, my 18-year stint at earbuds dangling motherhood), I begin Everyone has a routine they follow when they first come home. What do your loved ones do? from his head like a to solve the “Whopuppet. Just-Entered-My-House Mystery.” Is my 14-year-old home from his soccer game or is my Looking for evidence, I start at the scene of the grime: the 17-year-old home from his marching band fundraiser? “Parker, front door. is that you?” I call. Hmm, I see Parker’s backpack and shoes sitting near the door. But it’s Saturday, I reason, which means they’ve been Tapping into my extensive forensic backsitting there since yesterday. I glance at the custom-built piece ground … I begin to solve the “Whodesigned to corral the boys’ shoes and backpacks when they come inside. I sure wish we had someplace where the boys Just-Entered-My-House Mystery.” could put their stuff, I think sarcastically. Next, I walk into the living room and spy a small pile on our Not ready to go upstairs just yet, I walk into the downstairs green chair: a pair of socks, a book and a big piece of black bathroom, hoping to find a pair of shoes or a magazine that elastic with no obvious functional purpose. Not willing to will help me identify my Mystery Teen. touch the socks (clean? dirty?) to feel for recent body heat, I Empty toilet paper roll. Open toilet seat. Damp towel thrown on sink counter. Yep, all signs of a recent visit from one of my teens. But which one? Before I head upstairs, I notice more evidence in the kitchen: an opened lunchbox on the counter. The cookie is missing but the apple is still inside. That sounds about right, I think. How many days has it been since I last saw either of my boys eat a piece of fruit? Again, I remind myself that it’s Saturday, not a school day. I quickly realize the red-herring lunchbox is diverting me from solving the mystery at hand. I refocus my attention and spot a few clues on the kitchen table. The maple syrup bottle and empty glass on the placemat Waterman Drive • Harrisonburg indicate a recent meal, but breakfast was several hours ago. Owned & Operated by Marv & Diane Holsopple Another dead end! ©ADOBE STOCK
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24 living • Fall 2016
But wait! Upon closer inspection, I discover a pair of soccer socks with fresh grass stuck to the heel, hidden on the seat of the chair underneath the table. Of course! Why didn’t I think to look there in the first place? Sherlock Holmes once said there is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact. But fresh grass is fresh grass. I’ve identified my Mystery Teen. On my way upstairs, I pass a soccer jersey discarded on the steps – further proof I’ve cracked the case. “Hey, Parker, how was your game?” I ask as I walk into his room, startling him a bit. He unplugs his iPod. “We won, 3-2. But how did you know I was home?” Elementary, my dear, elementary. LISA A. BEACH is a freelance writer, blogger and mother of two teenagers from Florida. She writes at www.LisaBeachWrites.com and www. TweeniorMoments.com. Lisa’s humor blog about midlife, family, friends.
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Fall 2016 • living 25
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Do it until it’s right by NANCY HOAG
I
wrote for years without experiencing real success. This year’s Christmas letter said “I’m working on a novel.” So did last year’s and the year before that. “But I’ve only pages upon pages of nothing,” I shared with a writer friend. “Really,” I told my husband, Scotty, “I tried; no one can say I did not.” I was ready to give up. The following week, however, Scotty announced he would be retiring. “My wife has supported my career decisions and traipsed from state to state,” he wrote in a farewell to his colleagues. “It’s her turn; she’s a wonderful writer; it’s time I supported her.” He declared he was capable of running a washer and dryer. He would also be cooking. Before long, he was shopping. Every morning he said, “You just go upstairs and type.” With this gift of time, however, I couldn’t make myself focus. Flowers on my desk needed replacing; the dining room was dusty; the cat had licked smudges on my only window. “At least let me vacuum—” “Excuses,” Scotty said. “You’re stalling.” He was right. With 500 manuscript pages stacked around my room, I’d become overwhelmed. Even filing felt beyond me—until the day I wandered down into “Scotty’s” basement. Although my husband spent over thirty years at a desk, he grew up on a ranch, knew how to use tools, and he needed a project. He decided to finish our basement with a bath, den, 26 living • Fall 2016
laundry and study so we’d make money when we sold the house. He began by framing in the ductwork with thin slivers of wood next to thin slivers of wood for I don’t know how long. “I don’t want to go down there,” I read in his expression daily. But within weeks the framing was complete. “Next,” he said, “I’ll wire, insulate and drywall.” If you’ve ever worked with drywall, you know it’s heavy. On the only day a friend could come help, we discovered we couldn’t get 4 X 8 sheets down the stairwell. Scotty had to remove both carpet and wood flooring and then wrestle the drywall through the opening he’d created. Next, he rented a mechanical lift and wrangled it to a space he would share with his NordicTrack, inflatable boat and boxes of books and Christmas dishes. He never said, “I love doing this.” It was simply a commitment he’d made regarding a job he planned to do well. While I wrote during the day, he worked with his shoulders and arms aching so badly they burned. At night, he lay on the floor while I ran the heated massager over his back. Week after week, he continued as his fingers lost all sense of feeling and one hand grew so much larger it looked as if it belonged to another man. Finally, after weeks of lifting and securing, he finished installing the drywall. Now he would apply three layers of mud and three of tape—skimming and smoothing after every layer—even though I asked, “Why? No one’s going to see those little flaws.” “I will,” he said—and kept going. I typed reams of rewrites. Scotty began prepping walls with primer. A neighbor stopped by and told us, “My sister is interested in your home; she especially likes the finished basement.” The following day—while Scotty applied a second coat of paint, another neighbor exclaimed, “How conscientious your husband is! Could I bring my brother over? He will purchase your home the minute he sees it.” My husband’s patient perseverance—even when he hadn’t felt like persevering— would be rewarded.
With 500 manuscript pages stacked around my room, I’d become overwhelmed. Even filing felt beyond me. So will mine and yours. Writing isn’t easy. Housework isn’t easy. Raising children isn’t easy. But what about finishing an entire basement? “It won’t get done by itself,” Scotty said one morning. At first, he hadn’t been sure he could do any of this. He made mistakes— and tore out or started over. Many evenings he read the “HowTo” books with the words going over his head. He drove more than once to the local hardware with a list of problems. But he would finish what he started. There were days when I couldn’t envision a finished novel. Today, however, there is a nearly 2000 page trilogy —each with a beginning and middle. The end will come when I’ve primed, refined and touched up just as my husband prepared
those walls with framing, wallboard and paint for nearly one full year. Like Scotty, I raised numerous questions, made lists and sought help from any expert I could corner. I also discovered by trial and error how to frame my work and how many layers I needed to add to a scene or character. I’m learning hit-or-miss won’t do; buyers will come only when the work is right. One morning I took two mugs of coffee downstairs for our break. “You don’t have to keep going over that door frame,” I said. “It’s good enough; the lights will be low; we’ll hang pictures—” Scotty smiled. “Back upstairs?” I grinned over the top of my coffee. “Back upstairs.”
“You’ll do this until it’s right, right?” “Yup.” My unsung hero chuckled. “And so will you.” “And so will I,” I sang back over my shoulder while taking two stairs in one bound. Maybe I still didn’t know how to work with so many pages and characters, but I did finally understand the most important thing: Whether we’re writing or putting up drywall, the job doesn’t finish itself. Furthermore, only when the work’s done right will we be able to take pride in the completed endeavor—knowing we did our best, and we did not give up. NANCY HOAG is a freelance writer from Montana.
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Very married: Keeping marriage vows by REV. KATHERINE WILLIS PERSHEY
I
28 living • Fall 2016
with myself, I also thought the inverse. This is so good. It was disorienting, terrifying, the slightest bit exhilarating. My internal alarms all tripped at once, clanging an overwhelming and persuasive warning. Danger, danger. Danger, even though it wasn’t primarily a physical attraction. Rather, this man was brilliant and funny and kind and… well, I’m not here to drool over the cake. The last night of the conference I still felt the maddening chemistry dancing between us. During a break in activities, I saw him standing near the entrance to the dormitories, alone. He waved. I wondered if this was an invitation or a figment of my overactive imagination. I waved back and returned to my room by way of the back stairwell, rehearsing the many reasons I would not act upon my mutinous desires. Most of the reasons had a name and a face.
As we pondered the nuances of fidelity, a curious thing happened: our love for and attraction to each other deepened. A few hours later, during the closing reception, we sat together on a sofa, surrounded by other new friends. I had a very early shuttle to catch, so after a single nightcap I began making my farewells. I saved him for last, a gesture I hoped was merely an acknowledgment we had found in one another kindred spirits. Even as I leaned in for a chaste hug, though, I caught one of our friends looking at us curiously. I could see a question in his eyes—suspicion. Perhaps the chemistry I perceived was perceivable by others; perhaps my behavior had given me away. ©ADOBE STOCK
t is strange to think of a particular person as the person with whom I did not have an affair. There are, in fact, many people with whom I have not had an affair. Billions. I have never slept with the mailman, or kissed my ex-boyfriend, or flirted with a stranger (at least not on purpose—sometimes I can’t contain my natural charm). Since I’ve never been unfaithful to my husband Benjamin, there are a remarkable number of people with whom I have not committed adultery. And yet there is one man I cannot help but think of as the man with whom I did not cheat on Benjamin. We had no improper physical contact, no inappropriately intimate conversations. I don’t even know if the attraction was mutual. There was, however, temptation. I felt desire. And when it comes to marriage, temptation and desire are nearly as shameful as actually giving in. Having never actually had an affair, I’m no expert. But I reckon this is how it goes: you think you can have your cake without eating it, too. Invariably, you give in and indulge. And that’s fine if the cake is just cake; you just won’t be able to zip your trousers tomorrow. But if the cake is our handy metaphor for the man to whom you are not married—well, congratulations. You’ve committed adultery. Even if you never unzip your trousers, you’ve managed to carry on a doozy of an emotional affair. You’ve committed adultery in your heart. When I realized I had feelings for this man, I was shocked. I almost didn’t recognize the crush for what it was, it had been such a long time since I’d had one. I knew when I piled my lunch onto my tray and scanned the cafeteria for a place to sit, I was looking for him, eager for another soulful, meandering conversation. I knew when I decided which of the conference events I would attend and which ones I would skip, I hesitated to state my intentions until I’d heard his, and that, coincidentally enough, I always wanted to do the same things. But it wasn’t until Thursday afternoon the crush became What does fidelity crushingly clear to me. We were mean to you? sitting side by side in the Plenary Discussing it with your spouse hall, listening to an author read can deepen a rather monotonously from her relationship or latest book. We both shifted breathe new life in our seats at precisely the into a marriage. same moment, uncrossing and recrossing our legs in a strange synchronicity. It was then I noticed it for the first time: the sense that we were inhabiting the same sphere of energy. It was as though chemicals in my body were responding, of their own volition, to chemicals in his. Oh, dear, I thought. This isn’t good. And yet, if I am altogether honest
In the moment our bodies had touched in that farewell embrace, it was as though the amorphous chemistry had become electrified, almost tangible. I wanted him almost as fiercely as I wanted to run from him. But at the same time I felt myself yanked homeward, as if my wedding ring was miraculously, magnetically attracted to Benjamin’s wedding ring across the gaping chasm of a thousand miles, across the undeniable slump in our marital joy. I returned to my room and locked the door, grateful for the decisive click of the deadbolt. I Skyped Benjamin immediately. He answered, agitated. After a week of being the sole parent on-duty for feeding, clothing and keeping our young children alive, he was tired and cranky. And, thanks to a thunderstorm that had rumbled through the steamy Midwest, knocking out the electricity in its path, he was also uncomfortably hot. Without the lights on, the picture quality of the video was grainy. As we talked, I tried to act normal. I listened to his stories, and calmly reminded him of my flight information, and told him I couldn’t wait to see him the next day. I wondered if he could detect anything weird in my voice as we said goodnight, and again when he and the girls picked me up at the airport 12 hours later. Within the week, I did the only thing I could fathom: I told Benjamin everything. Even though there wasn’t much to tell—oh, how profoundly glad I was to go to him with a clean conscience!—the conversation was risky. Would it wound him to know his wife, though delivered from temptation, had experienced it? Yes, it did. But it was a hurt he could sustain, because he understood at the root of what I was telling him was that I was trustworthy. I had been tested and proven faithful. As we pondered the nuances of fidelity, a curious thing happened: our love for and attraction to each other deepened. Benjamin trusted me to nurture the new friendship, which I did with considerable caution and reserve, and which was
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further subdued by sheer geographical distance. I established the boundaries that would govern my platonic relationship with this man to whom I am not married, and in so doing, I rediscovered the intrigue of my delightfully unbounded relationship with the man to whom I am. There is yet more for us to know of each other, physically, spiritually, emotionally. And as husband and wife we have the incredible freedom to explore each other without hesitation or shame. There is nothing to stop us from growing ever more intimate. Don’t believe anyone who says otherwise: fidelity can be sexy. Very sexy. Excerpted from the forthcoming book, “Very Married: Field Notes on Love & Fidelity,” by Katherine Willis Pershey. To be published October 2016. ©2016 Herald Press, Harrisonburg, Va. Used with permission. www.HeraldPress.com. Katherine is a blogger and pastor in Illinois.
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Fall 2016 • living 29
by LISA A. KAMINSKI
T
o make life easier, some people follow the once-a-month meal planning and cooking approach, where you buy, prepare and cook a month’s worth of meals in one day and then freeze them until you need them. I am not one of those people. I like the idea of stockpiling 30 days of ready-to-heat dinners in my freezer like Planning out a week of meals can save you a lot of time…if your family cooperates. an end-of-the-world underground bunker. But that would require way more planning Tasty Tuesday than I’m capable of. And a Costco-size freezer. Besides, even Tonight, I tempt taste buds with gourmet cuisine, taking my my best-laid plans usually fall apart with my family’s hectic cue straight from The Barefoot Contessa herself. I channel my schedule. Top that off with the typical craziness of the mealinner Ina Garten as I whip together an elegant meal of chicken prep witching hour and you can understand why I shy away with Asiago cheese and basil, oven-roasted dill carrots, and from once-a-month cooking. penne pasta with roasted red peppers, garlic and sun-dried But I figured I could handle seven days of meal planning. tomatoes. It’s piping hot and ready to serve---until family Weeknights would run smoother if I planned what to make plans go awry. My husband Kevin needs to work late, my for dinner and stocked my kitchen with all the necessary older son Trevor has to help with a group project at school and ingredients. It sounded simple enough. my younger son Parker has his soccer practice rescheduled. But the reality of meal planning took a turn for the worse. After an extra two hours of keeping dinner warm, my My carefully crafted meal plan morphed into a meal ban, one epicurean entrée and sumptuous side dishes meld into charred dreadful dinner at a time. chow. I’m 0-2. Meatless Monday I make a no-fail Vegetable Soup for Veggie-Haters, falsely believing my take-no-prisoners recipe will convert my meatI figured I could handle seven days of loving-men to healthier eating at least once a week. My carnivore clan (less than thrilled with the lack of a dead animal meal planning … It sounded simple in their entrée) immediately start dissecting their soup. My enough. husband stealthily pushes all the carrots to one side hoping no one notices. In between looks of disgust, the boys pick Win-them-back Wednesday out the onions while asking, “Ew! What’s that green stuff I attempt to appease everyone’s picky palate with a family floating next to the potato?” I fudge and say the chopped kale favorite: a crockpot full of simmering chili. I toss a couple is parsley. After a few spoonfuls, my finicky teens push their pounds of beef in the slow-cooker, add some chopped onions, half-empty bowls away and claim they’re both “full” as they herbs and diced tomatoes and we’re good to go. Eight harried grab a couple more slices of bread and bolt upstairs. Day One: hours later, we walk through the door, anticipating the spicy Fail.
30 living • Fall 2016
©ADOBE STOCK
Surviving the 7-day mania of meal planning
aroma of chili to welcome us home. Strangely, we smell nothing. I head to the kitchen and see the cord dangling next to the crockpot like a lifeless snake. Rats! I forgot to plug it in before we all left today. The opposite of last night’s overcooked dinner, tonight’s meal sits raw and bloody in my cold crockpot, practically mooing when I crack open the lid. I grab a bag of tortilla chips, dump salsa in a bowl and dub it a Tex-Mex appetizer. I’m rotten at meal planning. Thankless Thursday After three failed attempts, I’m cursing the meal plan and popping open cans of condensed soup, wondering if anyone will even notice it’s not homemade. In an attempt to make me feel better, Parker and Trevor both remark how delicious the soup is and encourage me to “make this more often.” Yeah, I’ll hold on tight to that Campbell family recipe. Good grief, why do I even try? Free-for-all Friday With everyone on a different schedule tonight, I ditch the idea of a home-cooked meal together. Trevor eats at the mall food court with his friend before they see a movie. Parker eats a PB&J in the car on the way to his soccer game. Kevin (if he remembers to bring cash) will eat a concession-stand hot dog at halftime. I chug some water, grab a cheese stick and pop a few pretzels in my mouth. My meal plan is dying a slow and painful death. Shameful Saturday By the weekend, the boys are fighting, Kevin’s cursing his way through a plumbing project and I’m crying into my cookbook as I throw frozen fish sticks at the kids because I’m
ready to give up cooking. I run for the front door, pretending not to hear their pleas for “just one more chance.” Sanity-saving Sunday Tonight I’m dining alone with a cup of hot tea and my head buried in a copy of Erma Bombeck’s ”Aunt Erma’s Cope Book,” reminding myself I cannot divorce my family or just opt-out of dinner for the rest of my life. I eye the stack of menus on the counter and realize it’s time we start supporting the small businesses in our community. I pick up the phone, dial and hear the words that bring joy to my ban-the-meal-plan heart: “China Wok, may I help you?” LISA A. KAMINSKI is a freelance writer from Florida who enjoys humor writing.
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Fall 2016 • living 31
Family hiking—a hands on experience
W
ant to spend quality time with your family and get in touch with nature? Then enjoy a fresh, invigorating walk in the woods, along a river or on the beach. What’s more, family hikes create fun learning opportunities for kids and parents alike. Try some of these hiking activities with your children. A stone is a stone is a…mineral? Go on an excursion to learn about rocks and minerals. Before you go, learn which rocks and minerals are abundant in the area and have each family member choose several to scout for. Take along a small plastic container with dividers, a descriptive rock and mineral guide, and a magnifying glass for viewing the colors, layers and details of your finds. As you identify stones and minerals, discuss their uses and other fascinating facts. Sounds of nature Wander through a forest and listen carefully for a variety of bird and animal sounds. Before you go, visit your library for a video or DVD of birds and wild animal calls. Use a phone or other recording device to record some of the sounds you hear. Listen to the recording again at home and try to determine the
Family hikes create fun learning opportunities for kids and parents alike. source of the sounds. Search online, encyclopedias and books to discover the makers of the mystery calls. Photo adventure Capture nature’s splendor. Hiking trails provide plenty of photo opportunities and kids will love snapping shots. Discuss in advance what each family member wants to photograph such as a huge oak tree, a monarch butterfly, deer tracks or a close-up of a nibbling squirrel. At home, have them create a nature scrapbook or photo album on your Facebook page with the photos. Tree tales Trees are the “giants of nature” even if they’re not sequoias or redwoods. They are not only intriguing because of their sometimes-massive size but also because of the variety and history behind them. Borrow some library books that describe the unique features of trees and that offer history on them. Use clues such as the shape of the tree’s leaves, the texture of its bark and even its size to determine the kind of tree. Which way do we go? Roam the countryside and teach your children directional skills. Show them how to read a map, use a compass or determine direction using the sun. Before setting out choose a trail system that provides maps or make up your own. Take a trail that branches off several times to allow for plenty of skill building opportunities. For even more fun, turn the excursion into a treasure hunt. Hide a small prize just off the trail under 32 living • Fall 2016
©ADOBE STOCK
by KIMBERLY BLAKER
How many types of trees are there in the woods? How many different types of birds? A family hike can teach a child to be an explorer, a detective and a scientist.
a bush or pile of leaves, mark the location on your map and let the journey begin. Some families have gotten into a more advanced form of hunting for objects hidden by others using geocaching. Animals all around Take a quiet hike in a wooded area with grassy clearings and see how many animals you meet. Watch for snakes, turtles and geese if there’s a lake or stream nearby. Look for chipmunks and squirrels playing chase or gathering food. Check for birds of prey circling overhead or grazing deer. Discuss the unique features of the animals you find and how those qualities help or hinder them. Talk about the animals’ food sources, their shelters and other species they are related to. Also, keep your eyes peeled for animal tracks to identify and determine how recently they were made. If you are in an area with potentially dangerous animals (bears, foxes), be very cautious and don’t approach them. Creepy crawly things Scouting for insects is an all-time favorite among kids, and the variety of creepy crawly creatures in the woods is remarkable. Carry an insect book, clear container, tweezers and a magnifying glass for close examination of insects’ fascinating features. Bring a journal and track the types of insects you find. Read about insects’ defense behaviors and characteristics (such as colors) that indicate danger to predators. Plant life—old and new Discover the amazing diversity of plant life with your kids. Before you head out, review some books on plants to spark your children’s interest. On each hiking trip, choose a different trail or area and see what plants grow in different soils,
climates and seasons. As you inspect plants, look for their seeds and discover the variations. Talk about how seeds travel by catching on the fur of animals or blowing in the wind. Carefully brush away ground covering and look for seeds that have sprouted their roots. Tell your children about how those sprouts will soon develop into a new plant or tree. Learn how certain plants have evolved natural defenses to protect against creatures that would otherwise devour them. Where to find trails National forests and parks across the United States have extensive trail systems, but you might be surprised to discover nearby trails that you never knew existed. Check with city, county and state parks for a list of trails. Also, look for trails along rivers, lake shores and beaches. One website for finding local trails is traillink.com. If you have access to a wooded area that isn’t too dense, a trail may not be necessary. When hiking off trails, use safety precautions to protect against tripping, poison ivy or other hazards. Before you go For your comfort and convenience, carry a small daypack and extra clothing for cool air along trails. Don’t forget hiking boots. Bring along hats, sunglasses, sunblock and insect repellant. Be prepared for emergencies by carrying a small flashlight and batteries, watch, map, bandages and plenty of water and snacks. Finally, make the most of your nature quest
by carrying binoculars, a magnifying glass and small camera. Trekkin’ tips for tykes When hiking with children, keep these suggestions in mind: • Know your child’s limitations. Allow small legs plenty of time for breaks and make the journey fun. • Be familiar with potential dangers in the area and teach your children trail and animal safety. • Before you set out prepare your children by informing them there may be rules against bringing their nature finds home. KIMBERLY BLAKER, of Arizona, is an author and freelance writer. Her articles have appeared in more than 200 newspapers, parenting and women’s magazines, and other publications throughout the U.S.
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Fall 2016 • living 33
Congratulations…
to those who successfully completed the word search from the Summer issue of Living. Barboursville Lynn Schweitz Bergton Woody Brown Terry & Victoria Dove Dana Hartman Renee Wilkins Emma Wittig Bridgewater Opal Alt Hensel Armentrout Nancy Dagen Charlotte Fifer Carolyn Freeman Virginia Furry Anna Keller Christina Moyers Cliff Rohrer Ann Simmons Janet Stepp Glen Thomas Ed Wade Margaret Ann Wheelbarger June White Brightwood Virginia Coppedge Broadway Martha Brady Helen Brunk Sharon Caplinger Carolyn Cubbage Robert & Nancy Hinkle Pearl Keister Juanita Lantz Eldon & Bettie Layman Karen Mongold Amy & Breanna Ours Aileen Pettit Darlene Runion Sammy Runion Mark Showalter Kim, Paisley, Rilee & Sierra Showman Evelyn Shultz Autumn & Cathy Slifer Churchville Ethel Ernst
Harrisonburg Eleanor Armentrout Rich & Pat Armstrong April Ausbrooks Norma Bowman Shirley Brooks Mary Cline Alma Conley Hirut Dadebo Dayton Bettye Davis Debbie Billhimer Clarence Davis Joanne Good Wilma Davis Judith Kile Jeanie Diehl Chuck Mathias Joyce Foltz Brenda Miller Jackie Golladay Brenda Rhodes Lorraine Good Sue Ann Ringgold Dorothy Goshey Faye Siever Florence Green Esther Wenger Linda Hamilton Merlin Harman Edinburg Cindy Howard Donna Shafer Dimitri Howard Don Hunsberger Elkton Leon & Elizabeth Bailey Wilhelmina Johnson Lowell Kauffman Tina Coffman Charlotte Landes Linda Cooper Wayne & Brenda Dean Virginia Martin Winifred McConnell Julie Dearing Holly McDuffee JoAnn Foltz Delores Merrick Alison Galvanek Audrey Metz Norawood Good Melodie Metzinger Linda Gooden Beverly Miller Martha Gooden Sara Grace Miller Maxine Hines Dena Moyers Vivian Hitt Iona Pennington Joyce Lam Frances Ritchie Pam Lilly Juanelle Simmons Buddy Merica Sharon Smith Loretta Miller Alice Souder Sandra Morris Evelyn Strawderman Lebert & Janet Roach Jim Sumpton Layne Stevanus Cindy Suter Yvonne Tincher Florine Taylor Jeannee Waseck Betty Troyer Idelma Winegard Billy Wright Fulks Run Hinton Anna Dove Vada Brooks Becky Morris Marion & Patsy Hope Ritchie Thompson Louise Rohrer Grottoes Marie Marston Keezletown Angel Moore Lewis Omps Genevieve Ritchie April Simmons June Wise Criders Carroll Coffman Ruth Coffman Bernice Keplinger Doug Propst Sheila Reedy Doc Ritchie
Lacey Spring Sarah MIller Linville Sherrie Carr Lola Dove Sheila Fitzwater Helen Minnick Carolyn Taylor Donnie Taylor
Timberville Penn Laird Jean Ankers Lana Hartman Michelle & Kane Scafidi Blanche Collins Pricilla Pence Linda Roadcap Quicksburg Patsy Ryman Peggy Neff Laura Simmons Kathryn Smith Rileyville Marie Stroop Catherine Mishler
Luray Lula Atkins Katrina Buracker Randolph Dallas Doris Farmer Bonnie Fox
Rockingham Janet Barnes Jonas Borntrager Lois Burkholder Nancy Callahan Anna Mae Cline Greta Cooper Pamela Hensley Glen Layman Bill Liskey Desil May Randy & Teresa May Warren Riddle Nancy Stultz William Wright
Verona Pat Grizzel
Salem Wesley Riddle
Phenix City, AL Dick Hottinger
Shenandoah Mertie Blakemore Loraine Deavers Mary Frances Dorraugh Catherine Good Sarah Haines Janice Jones Jean McAlister Mary Frances Nichols Annie Olaker Annie Pierce Marilyn Shifflett
Greensburg, PA Nancy Spencer
Singers Glen Betty Demastus Elaine Donovan Lucy Helmick Frank Mundy Linda Mundy
Bartow, WV Julia Bauserman Franklin, WV Betty Smith
McGaheysville Anita Dove Walter Gerner Beatrice Horst Courtney Landes Mt. Crawford Charlotte Campbell Nancy Diehl Mt. Jackson Betty Estep Carol Lutz Velda Siever Mt. Sidney Emilio Hernandez Makino Mt. Solon Carolyn Fifer Dewitt & Edna Hosaflook Thelma Michael Elizabeth Selkirk Elsie Shull Patricia Wichael Edna Wine New Market Rachel Derrow Bob Edwards Jo Ann Martin Brittany Nunemaker Crystale Nunemaker Irene Strickler Dorothy White Nancy Zupo
Stanley Trent Cubbage Mary Hunkley
Vesuvius Becky Hite Waynesboro Peter Grimm Weyers Cave Lucretia Carter Emilia & Christina Jourer Charlotte Hopkins Dorothy Ann Keener
Gaston, SC Judy Carper Richard Dean Antioch, TN Lisa Meyer Baker, WV Janet Dove
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Staunton Helen Bartenslager
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Name: _________________________________________ Phone: _____________________________________________ (include in case we have questions. We will not use for any other purpose.) Address: ________________________________________ City: ___________________ State: _____ Zip: ______________ 34 living • Fall 2016
CELEBRATING OUR NATIVE AMERICANS
Celebrating our Native Americans
By Jeanette Baer Showalter
by JEANETTE BAER SHOWALTER This November will mark the seventy-second anniversary of the founding of the National Congress of American Indians, launched in 1944 to protect the rights of native peoples in the face of assimilation policies by the government. Fortunately, we can now acknowledge the integral part native tribes played in this nation and can insure that future generations learn to appreciate the numerous tribes still represented in the United States. You can find just a few of these tribal names forward, backward, horizontally, vertically, and diagonally.
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Fall 2016 • living 35
What are your children learning as they head “back to school”? “Teach these things and make sure everyone learns them well.” 1 Timothy 4:11
A faith-centered school offers a well-rounded education, with an extra plus! A Christian school can integrate faith formation along with science, math, grammar and physical education. Teachers are dedicated to excellence and frequently teach in small classroom settings.
Sponsored by these schools, businesses & individuals Good Shepherd School and Day Care 342 Neff Ave. & 991 Chicago Ave. Harrisonburg, VA 22801 (540) 564-1744 www.GoodShepherdSchools.com
Eastern Mennonite School 801 Parkwood Dr. Harrisonburg, VA 22802 (540) 236-6000 www.emhs.net
Family Life Resource Center 273 Newman Ave. Harrisonburg, VA 22801 (540) 434-8450 services@flrc.org
36 living • Fall 2016
Blue Ridge Christian School 100 Dinkel Ave. Bridgewater, VA 22812 (540) 828-2233 www.brcschool.org
Redeemer Classical 1688 Indian Trail Rd. Keezletown, VA 22832 (540) 437-0880 www.redeemerclassical.org
Advertise in Living (540) 433-5351 info@valleyliving.org
Jonas Borntrager Peter and Ivette Churney Dorothy Hartman Doctor & Mrs. Byard S. Deputy Glendon Blosser Trisha Blosser