So, You’ve Decided to Start Playing Golf! Our Condolences.

By Brian Beaky

With so many new golfers hitting our local courses these days, we thought it marked a good opportunity to pass on some wisdom that we’ve accumulated over the years — things that we wish we’d have known when we first started playing the game, and some things that we still have to remind ourselves of from time to time. Think of this as a beginner’s guide to golf — the little things that you won’t pick up in a lesson or watching on TV, and can only gain from experience.

1. The absolute worst golfer isn’t a bad golfer — it’s a slow one. My mother once shot 179 at Druids Glen, but did so in just four hours. Be my mom — but, hopefully, better. Sorry, mom.

2. If you are playing slow, step aside and wave up the group behind you. They’ll be out of your way in five minutes or less, and you’ll play better without the anxiety of having them breathing down your neck.

3. No matter how bad your last shot was, there’s a worse one in your future. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you’ll let go of your anxiety and just have fun.

4. To that end, don’t worry what other golfers think of you. We were all new once and, frankly, we all still have days where it looks like we’ve never played before. Just play at a good pace, and be respectful of the course and your playing partners, and you’ll be appreciated by all.

5. How you played yesterday has no bearing on how you’ll play today. Therefore, it’s good to go into every round with the goal not to play great — most days, you probably won’t — but instead to enjoy a beautiful day in a beautiful setting, surrounded by friends with whom you enjoy spending time, and to have fun. With this mindset, you can’t walk away disappointed — and, you just might play better, too.

6. If one of your fellow players tries to give you some swing advice, smile politely and say thanks, and then feel free to completely ignore him (let’s be honest, it’s probably a dude). That said, do get lessons — all the pros that we have ever worked with are incredibly friendly, patient and helpful.

7. Always have lots of extra balls. Don’t worry if your bag is too heavy, as you’ll lose most of them by the end of the round.

8. The best place to find golf balls isn’t the golf shop. It’s in the woods or waste areas, where you’ll usually find several — just, never the one you went in looking for.

9. Don’t be shy about hitting something other than driver off the tee. You’re almost always better off a little shorter, but in the fairway, than longer and in the woods.

10. Likewise, your worst putt will usually be better than your worst chip. If you’re in short grass just off the green, don’t be afraid to pull your putter (or a hybrid) and try to knock it close.

11. Spend more time practicing putting than anything else. Up to half of your shots will be putts, so not only is it the easiest thing to practice, it’s also the quickest way to start lowering your scores.

12. When practicing putting, remember that the goal for everyone but scratch golfers should be to limit three-putts, not necessarily to make more one-putts.

13. When your ball is only a little bit underwater, you may think you are good enough to hit it and avoid the penalty stroke. You’re not. You’re going to end up soaked, muddy, and taking a penalty anyway. But, your buddies will sure enjoy it.

14. When you’re stuck in the woods, you may think you can get the ball through that tiny gap in the trees. But, in reality ... ah, who are we kidding, we will ALWAYS try to get the ball through that tiny gap in the trees. Does it work? Not usually. But, we keep trying anyway.

15. Wash your golf towel regularly. Seriously. It’s a cesspool.

16. When taking multiple clubs for a shot, rest the extras on a tee and/or place them directly in your path back to the cart or your bag, so that you’ll be sure to see them. There’s nothing worse than finding a club missing and having to think back over the last several holes to remember the last time you used it.

17. Golf clubs don’t usually perform better after being thrown, smashed into the ground, or broken over your knee. And, your score definitely won’t improve if you have to start using a driver on the green because you tossed your putter into a pond on the previous hole.

18. No matter how well you think you’re playing, never count up your score until you’ve walked off the course. If you do, fate will immediately add 10 strokes to your final score — even if you’re already on the 18th tee.

19. Don’t go home thinking about that putt that you could have made, or that wayward drive you wish you had back. Unless you shoot 18, there will always be something you could have done better. Golf is not a game of perfection, but of resilience and persistence — focus on regaining control when things go sideways, and you’ll not only improve your scores, you’ll also develop mental strategies you can apply off the course as well.

20. Last, and most important, always tip the beverage cart attendants, and say thank you to the maintenance crews, pro shop staff, restaurant employees and others who keep our golf courses open, beautiful and fun. Most of these people make less money than you do, and are here to make your experience better. Let them know how much you appreciate them every time you get the chance.