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amanna looked at the twitching toes, the wasted legs and twisted club foot, the naked lower body bearing a thin torso in a dirty brown-chequehd shirt, the protruding teeth evident through the happy smile, the mouth which babbled nothing but gibberish. He felt a pang of guilt, a spasm of self-pity when he looked at his son. What had he done to deserve Apu? Apu noticed his father staring at him. He hastily stuffed in the last handful of rice, and as it dribbled out of the comers of his mouth, he raised himself on all fours and crawled towards the kitchen. He dragged himself out through the back door, where an imposing hillock adjoined the ancient house. He struggled to the tap to rinse his mouth when he noticed the familiar peacock on top of the hillock. He smiled and let out a happy cry. He then remembered that his father was still in the house, so he returned quietly and went straight to the bedroom he shared with his grandmother Rukmini-bai. Her appearance - leathery, dark brown skin that clung tightly to every bone in her body - stood in sharp contrast with her physical capacity. At an age that she had not kept count of, she would rise at the crack of dawn, heat water for the bath, wake up Apu, take him to the toilet, then bathe him gently before anyone else awoke. She would burn the dry coconut leaves to start the kitchen stove, and let the tea simmer. She lovedApucompletely: shenever treated him like the crippled, retarded child that everyone knew he was. But even she was not spared the thought that plagued her son Damanna. What have we done to deserve a crlppled child?
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A strong believer in the after-life, Rukmini wondered what sin Apu had committed in his past life to merit a fate like this. In true karmic zeal, however, she did not question the happenings of nature. She accepted, after some moments of anguish,, almost anything that was doled out to her - without so much as a protest against life's unfairness. In this deformed boy, she saw her dead husband's eyes. They would gleam the same way that his did, when excited. Memories - faded, lost, distant, hesitant - returned to her more than once. Her husband had died so long ago. Apu's eyes were probably what kept his memory alive. Ever since Apu was born, his mother, Saritha, had disowned him deep
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k' ICTION down within her veiy being. In actual fact, the source ofApu's "You go wash the dishes. I'll get the water." affliction was some local herbal medication she had taken Saritha left as Rukmini loosened, then tightened, the noose to abort the child, and failed. She had been punished aptly, around the rim of the pot. As she drew up the water, her back Rukmini thought. hull. She had been in pain for some time now, and had told Damanna was silent throughout the entire episode ofApu's Damanna about it. That miserl)~boy! He 'd take me to the docbirth, the discovery of his handicap and his wife's total rejec- tor orily if1 were sick enough 170t to make,foodfor him, she tion of their son. He was silent too because he hated Apu as thought to herself. well, but was not brave enough to admit it. But the pain was different this time. She sensed mild curApu entered the bedroom to see his grandmother spread rents running down her legs. Similar in character, but not in his clothes out and double them one by one. "Help me fold intensity, to what she had felt when her husband had entered these," she instructed him without looking in his direction. her for the first time. She smiled, but the pain became worse Apu obeyed hesitantly. He wanted to go out in search of the with every pot of water she drew up. May be it is his spirit peacock, but had learned well through past beatings not to warning me of something bad, she mused. In a timeless, continuous moment, she heard the pot drop stray too far from home. Rukmini left him with the task, as she went to draw water from the well a few feet away from to the ground, clanking out a metallic crash of pain, as if it their house. mirrored her own. She let out a cry, it seemed distant, yet so The house, an ancient structure, built with red stone and red personal. The pain completely dwarfed her now. She realised Mangalore tiles to create the sloping roof, had withstoad years that she had fallen to the ground and bruised her head. She of heavy, tropical rainfall and unbearably humid summers. saw Saritha running towards her in a heightened state of panic The red oxide floor with its characteristic smell, reminded and desperation. Then Rukmini passed out. Rukmini of the first few months of their marriage; when the From a distance, Damanna saw the vague blue figure bed was infested with termites, and they had to sleep on the prostrate on the ground, with the fallen pot moving to and floor. The smell, even now, brought back memories ofthe wild, fro in the pool of water. He ran. The smell of urine filled his passionate love-making, which had died with her husband 20 nostrils as he approached her. He tried to lift her; he heard a faint crack. He ignored it as he took her inside the house and years ago. Rukmini walked towards the well, the rim of aluminium laid her down on the bed. The doctor peered at the CT scan and prepared himself pot tucked below her elbow. Saritha was already there, drawing water. mentally to break the news to the worried couple that sat in "How many pots did you draw?" she asked Saritha, as she front of him. The damage was irreversible, he told them. She approached the well. would never walk again. She had lost all control of her bowel and bladder movements and would have to be cared for the "Five. We need five more." rest of her life. The couple made their way back in shocked silence, and sat on the red floor when they reached home. Saritha, with her head resting on her hand, spoke out, "I can't take care of them both.. .Apu is too much to handle." Hotel
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"We have no choice," Damanna replied. "1 like your mother more. Besides, she won't live long. As for Apu, we will have to think of an alternative." In a fit of impotent rage, Damanna stood up and yelled, "There's nothing we can do. We have no choice. You and I are both stuck with them!" Apu sat at the far end of the hallway, meekly observing them, quivering in fear. Saritha, devoid of all options, looked around and saw him. Her rage erupted. She stormed towards him, slapped and kicked him, screaming without speaking as Apu retracted into a foetal position. Completely spent, she rcturned to the bedroom to lie down. Dainanna looked on in helpless silence. He thought of his son, l~ismother, his wife and himself. His eyes moistened. He wept silently; less at the thought of the misfortune that had bcfallen his family, more at the realisation of the monsters thcy had become.