VASHTI WOMAN (JULY - AUGUST ISSUE 2 - VOL 1)

THE TEAM

We invite you to...

Ask our doctors any questions on health that has been distressing you...

President and Editor-in-Chief Dr. Juliet Thomas

Share a memorable, inspiring or funny experience or a lesson from Life...

Associate Editor Ms. Archana Shenoy Graphic Designer Ms. Tiya James Social Media & Web Development Ms. Priya Williams Marketing and Sales Mr. Ebenezer Mamman Financial Assistant Mrs. Bindu Sri Administration Air Commodore P.D. Jeyasingh (retd.)

Distribution Ms. Pushpa Macwan ­Ms. Augusta Paul Ms. Nadite Gorpade Ms. Shalini Suren ­­­Ms. Gloria Philip

CONSULTANTS Mr. Collin Timms Founder & Chairman, Guardian Bank Dr. Shirley Hereford CEO, 2nd Mile Inc. Mr. Simon Rodrigues Financial Consultant Dr. Ali Khwaja Chairman, Banjara Academy Dr. Vasantha Edwards Educational Consultant

Send them to our Edit Team editor@vashtimagazine.com For more details

SMS GET VASHTI <YOUR NAME> to +919632805599 Title of Magazine: VASHTI WOMAN Title Verification No.: MAG(2)PR/DCLR 488/2012-2013 Language: English Editor & Address: Mrs. Juliet Thomas 125, Jal Vayu Vihar, Kalyan Nagar Post Bangalore-560043 Publisher: LIFE MEDIA AND COMMUNICATIONS 125, Jal Vayu Vihar, Kalyan Nagar Post.

Bangalore-560043 Authorisation No.: MAG(3)Npp/18/2013-2014 Printer: Mr. Peter Anil Rego Brilliant Printers Pvt. Ltd. #72,Lottegollahalli, RMV 2nd Stage, Bangalore 560094 Authorisation No.: MAG(2)/PP/5/2013-2014 Place of Publication: Bangalore Ownership of Magazine: LIFE MEDIA AND COMMUNICATIONS 125, Jal Vayu Vihar, Kalyan Nagar Post.

Bangalore- 560043

“Your magazine looks great. I think it is a wonderfully creative way to reach women.”

Diane Defore, US

and more

Responses From Our Readers

T

hank you for the recent issue of Vashti Woman. I read from cover to cover and enjoyed every article! Congratulations on the excellent job so well done! Let us stand up and speak out regarding ethics and values in the secular media, impacting the lives of scores of women!!

Anitha Sundersingh

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t the national Arpana Women’s Conference, held recently in Bangalore, where the magazines were placed: “All of the 50 copies of Vashti latest issue sold out before I could even see it!”

Vasantha Thomas, Director

I

have received your latest issue. Your magazine is very good. I must get people to subscribe. I will buy a half page AD for three months for my Company. You are working very hard, and the quality of your work is wonderful. I will work to get subscriptions. People waste their money on so many things, but a subscription to a magazine like “Vashti Woman”, which can benefit them, is not easily done.

Samuel Kurian

I

received a copy of Vashti Woman magazine, and instantly realized its quality content.

Though it’s a woman-centered magazine, it is not only giving a pat on the back of women, but also advising and helping to sort out issues in an ethical and moral manner. The concepts that you brought in, are vivid portrayals, dealing with Family, Relationships, Workplace, Values, Lifestyle, and Festival Specials - all heart throbbing issues for the modern woman. The articles and write-ups deal with issues in a practical workable way. The prolific profile of Ms. Cynthia Srinivas is encouraging and challenging, in clear view the roles that a woman is expected to accomplish as a wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, and an executive. Her prudence in tackling issues and taking risks is worth complimenting.

Angel Karthik, Asst. Director, Publications; Associate Editor, ‘Christian Manager’

T

hanks for sending the recent issue of Vashti. I have gone through it and it looks very impressive both in terms of design and contents. Congratulations for the quality production and my prayers and best wishes for future.

Dr. Atul Aghamkar

GRAB YOUR COPY NOW!

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CONTENTS EDITORIAL 8 Surface-Copers

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24

Explore how to confront and resolve the travails of daily life and the conflicts that lie within us.

BEAUTY 10 Save Your Soles We walk on our feet all day but how much do we care for them?

11 Beauty Is More Than Skin Deep Vashti Woman investigates why itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a good idea for our make-up bags to go green.

14 Food Fare For Great Hair Do the fallen strands of hair that you find on your pillow give you sleepless nights?

TIPS 16 Shelf Help Handy tips to save time in and around the house.

HEALTH 17 Ways To Fight Fat Is it necessary to indulge in liposuction to lose weight?

21 Pamper Pregnancy With The Right Nutrients When pregnant, what you eat and drink will determine the growth and development of your babyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lifelong health.

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RECIPES 24 Bites On The Fly Find yourself spending too much time in the kitchen? Try these quick and easy recipes.

COVER STORY 28 Mapping New Skills

EMOTIONAL HEALTH 50 The Deceptions Of Sexting Be aware of the subtle dangers pornography poses online.

52 Confessions Of A Quarrelsome Woman

Liane Ghosh is an example of the modernwoman whose journeys are inward, outward and always forward.

How many times do we say things we regret? Discover a few ways to bring our tongue under control.

TRAVEL 36 On Her Own

RELATIONSHIPS 55 Safe Under Her Wings

Tips for staying safe while exploring the world on you own.

FICTION 40 Beauty In The Eye Of The Beholder A touching tale of a woman who struggled with a childhood deformity.

LIFE STYLE 44 How To Overcome Compulsive Buying Find out ways to overcome this extremely harmful condition.

TALKING POINT 47 My Child In Match Fixing?

When we cover up for our children’s crimes, we deprive them of the opportunity to learn how to face the consequences of their serious actions.

A short and inspiring story about a mother’s undying love.

56 Children Are Tomorrow’s People If we were allowed to bequeath only one quality to our children, which would we choose?

60 For All Invisible Moms Let the world marvel at the wonders mothers have created.

62 Deciding To Love Even Our In-Laws How can those who raised the man you love make you so crazy?

LAST PAGE 64 A Mother’s Love The sacrifice and utter devotion of a mother: who can substitute for her?

EDITORIAL

Surface-Copers

We just have the strength to survive, by not delving deeper into ourselves

I think a word of explanation is in order regarding the long delay in bringing out this issue!

We had done a RNI Title search last year, and found that the name ‘Vashti’ was available.

However, later Delhi informed us that name ‘Vashti’ was already taken. So, we had to apply again, and go through the long tedious procedures to get RNI authorization to print under the new approved name ‘Vashti Woman’. So our May-June becomes our first issue now. Our team wishes to thank you for your patience. We have missed two issues. But we do want to assure our subscribers that you will still get your six issues.

Looking around at all the indescribably terrible, tragic things happening all around us, it struck 8 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

me, that living in the midst of such brokenness in every aspect of life, we tend to become, what is generally labelled as ‘surface copers’. We strive hard to maintain a measure of control in our day and in our plans. But the measure of control we had hoped to have, can be shaken and shattered at times. How do we steel ourselves to face pain, deep anxiety over grave uncertainty over everything- our jobs, rising prices, children’s schooling, illnesses/accidents, loss, our future and so on? We become ‘surface-copers’.

We just have the strength to survive, by not delving deeper into ourselves to face the torture of fears haunting us, the deep hurts that have wounded our

EDITORIAL

very souls, questions that have no answers ! Many therefore cope with life, by dealing with whatever they can see and ignoring all the rest.

We are like ‘icebergs’! There is much more to the iceberg than we see on the surface, isn’t there? The visible part is: the things we do, the thoughts we consciously have. This is a whole lot easier than dealing with the ‘bulk’ below, representing all that goes on inside us that cannot be clearly seen or understood, such as motives, attitudes, impulses, and so on. Also the hurts, the frustrations, disillusionment, sense of inadequacy!

‘Vashti Woman’ seeks to hear your voices and motivate you to make an effort to see things with a different perspective and handle the conflicts within your inner self. We have experts who are willing to hear your questions and answer them. We want to stand alongside of you, to support and give you the confidence to go on-to better health and better life.

So read on, my friend! Our articles are written to inspire you and encourage you to gather together

your broken pieces in your inner being and become a healthy, happy YOU!!

HAVE COURAGE

When things go wrong as they sometimes will; When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill; When the funds are low, and the debts are high And you want to smile, but have to sigh; When care is pressing you down a bitRest if you must, but do not quit.

Success is failure turned inside out; Silver tint of the clouds of doubt; And you can never tell how close you are It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hitIt’s when things go wrong that you must not quit SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS

A progressive magazine targeted at the modern day woman, Vashti Woman is an excellent platform for you to put forth your thoughts, ideas, stories and beliefs to many others — in about 300 – 500 words. The most difficult part about writing is the beginning. When you find that beginning, put pen to paper and get your article across to us. We would be delighted to publish your work if we find it meets with our guidelines and requirements.

So get working and send in your piece to: editor@vashtimagazine.in

ASK YOUR QUESTIONS

We want to hear your voice. And don’t be afraid or hesitate to ask us your questions or seek counsel to guide you- whenever you need to.

Dialogue with us regarding what we have said or questioned!

That’s why we are here!

Juliet Thomas Editor-in-Chief VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 9

BEAUTY

Save Your Soles “For all the beauty products in the world - if your feet hurt, your face will show it” You’ve probably heard it all before – we walk on our feet all day but never take care of them apart from some cosmetic tidying up and nail polish. It’s no surprise then that going to a podiatrist is probably the least trendy thing you can imagine doing.

Not anymore.

British podiatrist Margaret Dabbs has taken footcare out of the doctor’s office into a spa environment and her spas are mostly located inside high-end malls. She’s not about to tell anyone they can’t wear heels – instead she’s all about damage control.

Dabbs’ philosophy is unique and she is serious about feet. She looks at one’s feet and starts talking about metatarsals and arches, but understands that the customer want footcare to be chic, not embarrassing. “So many people hide their feet away.

This is very much a fusion of health and beauty.

There’s quite a bit of synergy between us and dentists. People used to only go to the dentist when there was a problem, but of course people don’t now, and I think feet have become similar.”

So what makes a Dabbs’ session different from your average pedicure?

Well, the price for one. Priced at over Rs. 10,000, the staff who do the

MARGARET DABBS PRODUCTS

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treatments are podiatrists, not beauticians and are qualified to assess the health and shape of feet and sort them out, long before any swanky products or nail polish come in.

“For all the beauty products in the world – if your feet hurt, your face will show it,” Dabbs, a chirpy Londoner, remarks as her staffer pulls out a (completely painless) drill to do some damage control on a patient’s stiletto-ravaged heels.

There are so many more things that they can diagnose and fix on a younger foot – stress fractures in the metatarsals, and sometimes people don’t know why they are getting a particular pain, ankle sprains, people being treated for verrucas when actually they are corns and vice versa.

The treatment is done dry, meaning the areas that need most attention are obvious to the therapist and her range of files, buffers and occasionally, a delicate scalpel for the toughest bits.

(Though Dabbs’ treatment spas have not yet reached India she plans to make her entry into the subcontinent within the next 18 months.)

BEAUTY

The chemical preservatives saving your beauty potions from the ravages of time have been linked with a whole host of health problems – from cancer to infertility and skin damage

Beauty Is More Than Skin Deep With chemicals in mainstream beauty products are linked to cancer, infertility and skin damage, Vashti Woman investigates if it’s a good idea for our make-up bags to go green.

Much as you wouldn’t eat a mouldy sandwich or tuck into rancid yogurt, if you opened your favourite face cream to discover it thick with green fungus, you’d probably think twice before rubbing it into your skin.

But the chemical preservatives saving your beauty potions from the ravages of time have been linked with a whole host of health problems - from cancer to infertility and skin damage - raising major concerns with millions of cosmetic consumers who were previously unaware of the health risks they pose. We get under the skin of the organic versus inorganic debate and ask, should we or shouldn’t we go green in our make-up bags?

THE PARABEN PROBLEM

Parabens are chemical preservatives designed to extend the life of everything from food to

pharmaceuticals, and can be found in up to an estimated 90 per cent of beauty products on the market. Used to fight bacteria and fungus, it is parabens – the most common being methylparaben, ethylparaben, propylparaben and butylparaben – that stop your cosmetics from going off after you’ve opened them, and keep them ‘fresh’ for anything up to three years.

Thanks to their low cost and significant abilities in extending a product’s shelf life, parabens have been intrinsic to the cosmetic and skincare industry for decades. But after a 2004 study linked the use of parabens to breast cancer, and further studies suggested they were a contributing factor to infertility and reproductive issues, birth and developmental defects and early-onset puberty, paraben use has become one of the most controversial topics in beauty, with many scientists considering them a danger to public health, whilst others believe them to be not only safe, but essential to the continued growth of a multi-billion global industry.

A report published in 2004 by The Journal of Applied Toxicology, sent shock waves around the world. It is claimed that parabens, which are found in everything from shampoos to sunscreen, VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 11

BEAUTY

enter the body through the skin and mimic the hormone oestrogen, which is known to play a role in the development of breast cancer. Furthermore, researchers found concentrations of these synthetic preservatives, particularly methylparaben, in human breast tumours, claiming that from their sample

BUT HOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOUR FAVOURITE BEAUTY BUY CONTAINS A POTENTIAL CARCINOGEN? Start at the bottom and work your way up.

The list works by quantity, with the greatest amounts at the top and preservatives often last on the list. If there is an ingredient you don’t recognise, look it up on the Cosmetics Safety Database (www.ewg.org/skindeep) – then you can make an informed decision about whether or not you want to use the product on your body.

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY

While many scientific organisations consider the negative research concerning the safety of parabens to be inconclusive, cosmetic consumers are understandably more cautious about buying goods that contain any of these supposedly dangerous substances.

PEOPLE POWER

of 20 cancerous tumours, 18 contained significant concentrations of parabens, with almost all of the tumours tested originating from products applied to the skin, like deodorant, creams or body sprays.

However, the validity of the study was questioned by the American Cancer Society, and the Food and Drug Administration and Cosmetic Ingredient Review found that every kind of ingestible paraben was not even close to being unsafe. Furthermore, skincare giants continue to support the use of parabens in their products, and believe them to be the only safe option in a marketplace that is being ‘forced’ to formulate without them.

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In response to the increased concern surrounding parabens, the beauty industry has been quick to respond. Organic and paraben-free products are one of the fastest-growing sectors in the beauty marketplace, with cosmetic companies abandoning artificial preservatives in favour of natural ones.

Natural preservatives like neem oil, sea salts and citric acids deliver excellent results. Reading labels and researching natural ingredients is well worth the time and effort. Eco-friendly and organic ranges provide the smartest, and safest alternative to chemical-heavy beauty products, and are now more readily available than ever before.

The jury may still be out on whether or not parabens are safe, but in the meantime, if you’d rather err on the side of caution, there are plenty of chemical-free cosmetics to keep you looking young and beautiful without breaking the bank. *

t i c k l es PET REDEMPTION A man was married to a really bad cook. One evening he came home from work to find her in a floods of tears.

“It’s a disaster,” she wailed. “The cat’s eaten your dinner!”

“Never mind” said the husband. “I’ll buy you a new cat.”

BEAR IT Bob, a hunter, went on camping trip with his wife, kids, and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the forest, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. Bob picked up his rifle and started to look for her.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large bear stood facing her.

The wife cried, “What are we going to do?”.

“Nothing,” said the hunter husband. “The bear got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”

ANYTHING AT ALL The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.

Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, “Nothing’s any different now than it was a minute ago.”

“I know that,” he assured her. “It’s just that this time I’ve lowered my standards.”

QUIET RETRIBUTION A husband and wife were going through a rocky phase and were giving each other the silent treatment.

One day, at the height of hostilities, he realised that he needed his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. so that he could catch an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper: “Please wake me up at 5 a.m.”

The next morning, he woke to discover that it was 9 a.m. and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to confront his wife when he noticed a piece of paper on his pillow.

The paper read: “It is 5 a.m. Wake up.”

HEALTH

Courtesy Health & Medical Information with Dr. B

Food Fare For Great Hairâ&#x20AC;Ś

Here are some additions which you can make to your diet to restore your hair to its crowning glory.

D

o you dread having to wash your hair or even to run your hands through your hair? Does the hair which you find on your pillow give you sleepless nights?

Fear not, here are some additions which you can make to your diet to restore your hair to its crowning glory. Today, men and women alike, are concerned about their grooming and appearance.

Hair forms a great part of your looks, with shiny, healthy hair, makes you look decades younger. In 14 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

search for the same, people young and old are resorting to coloring, straightening, re-bonding and perming the hair. To this, add the stressors of pollution, poor lifestyle and diet, and most people today have faced hair loss as invariable part of their lives.

Before you start calling your dermatologist, take a closer look at what you are eating. Chances are with small modifications to what you eat, your hair fall may actually stop! Want to know how? Read on.

HEALTH

CARROTS

GREEN PEAS

OATS

If you thought that carrots were good only for your eyes, look again. The humble carrot, rich in Vitamin A provides excellent nourishment for the scalp. A healthy scalp ensures shiny, well-conditioned hair that is strengthened and moisturised. An overall balanced diet of lean proteins, fruits, and vegetables, whole grains, legumes, fatty fish like the Indian salmon and low-fat dairy are great boosters for healthy hair.

Green peas contain a well-balanced amount of vitamins and minerals such as iron, zinc and B group vitamins.

These are essential for maintaining healthy hair.

Not only are oats loaded with fiber that helps maintain a healthy heart and bowels, they also contain a high concentration of other essential nutrients such as zinc, iron and omega-6 fatty acids. Together, these are also knows as polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFAs). Omega-6 fatty acids in particular are essential to maintain normal skin, hair growth and development.

Since this essential ingredient is only obtained through the diet, make sure your breakfast includes a bowl of oatmeal every few days in the week.

GREEN LEAFY VEGETABLES If your hair suffers from dryness, thinning, stiffness, discoloration or hair fall, depleting reserves of iron might be the culprit. Green leafy vegetables are known to be great sources of iron and greatly help improve the quality of hair.

They also contain B vitamins, which help in arresting hair fall.

Another food containing good sources of iron is ragi.

YOGHURT Vegetarians need not look further that their daily cup of yoghurt to serve their protein needs. Cottage cheese and milk can also be protein substitutes in vegetarians. If you are strict vegans, try the soy milk or tofu or soya nuggets.

They are a great source of protein and are also very helpful in hormone mediated hair loss.

WALNUTS

A WORD OF CAUTION

Not to be outdone by the oats, walnuts are one of the most hairfriendly nuts in the category. Not only do walnuts have more omega-6 fatty acids than any other food, but they’re also full of zinc, iron, B vitamins (B1, B6 and B9), and plenty of protein.

Walnuts also contain a small trace of selenium, a mineral known to cause hair loss in people who are selenium-deficient or have way too much in their system. So a handful of nuts over the week should tide you over without much trouble.

EGGS

SHRIMP While red meats are best avoided in excess, finding an appropriate substitute for proteins might be a little difficult for those looking to build muscle etc. Alternatively, of the wide variety of sea food available, shrimps are a great substitute. They not only go excellently well in a number of curries and pastas, their potent concentration of Vitamin B12, iron and zinc contain all the necessary nourishment to prevent hair loss.

For a head full of healthy hair, the egg is probably one of your best friends. It’s loaded with essential nutrients such as proteins, Vitamin B12, iron, zinc and Omega 6 fatty acids in large amounts. Being deficient in any of these vitamins and minerals is known to result in poor quality of hair. In addition, it’s also a good source for biotin (Vitamin B7) which is a great aid to fight hair loss.

So, now that you have these superfoods on your weekly shopping list, you can let your hair down and stop worrying about that dreaded hairloss. Take care till next time.

Dr. Rasya Dixit is a post graduate from the Christian Medical College, Vellore. Rasya Dixit brings cutting-edge dermato-surgical techniques to the practice of Dermatology,

and is an expert in dermatological and hair disorders. She is also the recipient of the prestigious International League of Dermatologists Award for the year 2007-2008.

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TIPS

Shelf Help 10 handy tips to help

save time in the kitchen as well as in and around the house

1 2 3 4

BAKING TIPS Dip nuts in milk before placing them on top of the cakes or biscuits to prevent them from falling off while baking.

Similarly coat raisins or other chopped dry fruits with dry flour before adding them to the batter of cakes or puddings. This will prevent them from sinking to the bottom while baking.

LIGHT AS AIR Air bubbles in cake batter can be avoided by pouring the batter into the tin with the help of a slotted spoon.

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JUICY LEMONS Keep lemons in hot water for twenty minutes before squeezing. They will yield more juice.

HOMEMADE SOUR CREAM Add one teaspoon of lemon juice to every half pint of fresh cream and stir. Let it stand for ten minutes before use. Homemade sour cream is ready.

INSTANT FRESH VEGGIES If the vegetables are not fresh, soak them in cold water to which a little lemon juice has been added.

They will become fresh again.

GOLDEN CORN To retain the colour of corn while cooking add one teaspoon of lemon juice to the cooking water just about a minute before removing from heat.

EASY TO UNMOULD Muffins will slide right out of their tins easily if the hot pan is first placed on a wet towel.

GREASE WITH COCOA To prevent your chocolate cake from having white streaks on the brown crusts, dust greased cake pans with cocoa instead of flour.

Archana Shenoy is an editorial consultant working for several publication houses in India. She presently handles independent projects for Hi!Blitz and Cafe Chronicle.

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9 10

EASY CHOPPING You use kitchen scissors to chop coriander leaves, mint leaves and chillies to avoid any kind of a mess.

BRIGHT GREEN WONDER Add a pinch of soda-bicarbonate to spinach while blanching to retain its bright green colour

HEALTH

Ways to Fight Fat

L

iposuction is a cosmetic surgical operation that is done to remove unwanted and excessive fat from various body parts. This method is used to remove small as well as large amounts of fat from body parts like the abdomen, thighs and buttocks, to the backs of the arms, neck and elsewhere. Different people have different reasons for undergoing liposuction surgery, but the basic reason is to remove fat from the body within a very short time period.

In spite of this great advantage, liposuction has

A concerned doctor warns:

It is also important to note that liposuction does not address the root of the problem. There are many reasons for obesity and fat deposition and most of the long lasting solutions are difficult and require exercise, discipline and life-style change. Liposuction is also an expensive short-cut approach that is not without risks and the change will not be permanent if the cause of obesity is not addressed. various disadvantages and post operational side-effects and complexities.

Having said this, to combat those problems, one can try various liposuction alternatives,

which are effective and are much preferred. These alternatives are generally free of side-effects and are better for those who fear surgery. (continued on the next page)

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 17

HEALTH

10 1

LIPOSUCTION ALTERNATIVES

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CELLULITE MASSAGE

MESOTHERAPY

This is a very effective alternative that has been popular in Europe for some time now. This method relies upon a compound composed of vitamins, minerals, and amino acids, which is injected into the body with the help of a small needle. This compound is targeted at the fatty cells that break the lipids accumulated in the body into liquid. This liquid is then eliminated from the body automatically. One may have to undergo various Mesotherapy sessions for effective results and these sessions are usually small in duration.

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THERMAGE

This is a non-invasive liposuction alternative process in which a laser is used to melt excess fat deposits which lie under the skin. This laser burns the fat upon contact. This method is a great alternative that many people are using today without the fear and risk of needles, operations or soreness.

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VASER LIPOSUCTION

VASER (Vibration Amplification of Sound Energy at Resonance) liposuction is among the many liposuction alternatives available. In this technique lipids in the body are liquefied using ultrasonic sound waves. This is a great alternative. It is devoid of fear of any nicks and cuts and recovery is also very quick.

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LIPODISSOLVE LIPOSUCTION

This liposuction alternative process is much like Mesotherapy, where the fat deposits of the body are liquefied with the help of drug injections after which the liquefied fat is eventually expelled by the body.

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Cellulite massage is one of the highly effective liposuction alternatives that is performed in a spa or a clinic. This method is now very much in fashion as this is a painless alternative to liposuction. People love cellulite massages as they can lose between 6 to 12 inches from the abdomen to lower thighs, without altering their lifestyle. This process is very useful even for elderly people who tend to gain more fat due to age and inactivity. In this process the body is massaged to soften the fat tissue and release toxins through the lymphatic system. The massage breaks up toxins in the cellulite and as a result the skin becomes smoother.

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SEAWEED BODY WRAPS

HEALTH

A Seaweed Body Wrap is an application that generally consists of natural ingredients such as seaweed, herbs, clays and other natural ingredients which are used as liposuction alternatives. These natural ingredients are mixed together to create a formula that helps in eliminating excess weight, cellulite, for detoxification and improving the overall skin tone of the body. Ingredients are selected and are mixed together to create a formula that can be absorbed by the skin. After the mixture is applied, the body is then wrapped in order to hold the formula in contact with the skin so that the body can absorb it easily. This method has been in use for a very long time and is one of the best alternatives to liposuction.

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COOL SCULPTING

It is one of the most painless alternatives to remove excess fat. Cool Sculpting freezes and destroys fat cells through a process called Cryolipolysis, which reduces the appearance of fat bulges. This involves using a cooling technology to target the fatty area or fatty cells. This selective procedure will results in permanent reduction of fats. During this painless procedure, a controlled cooling temperature (that is around freezing temperature) is applied to the body. Only the fat lying under the skin is targeted in this process and does not affect the surface of the skin or tissues. The fat cells, on exposure to the cooling temperature, begin to shrink and then disappear through a process known as Apoptosis, which also means ‘natural death of a cell’. By using this unique liposuction alternative, patients can see results within just 21 days. Thousands of people are adopting this process to reduce fat deposition permanently.

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liposuction alternative if one wants to ignore those needles and sores.

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DIET AND EXERCISE

A good balanced diet and regular exercise have always been the first priority of all the available alternatives. This should be followed by everybody in order to maintain good health. Following a diet and exercising each day requires effort, will power, dedication and time.

PILATES Started in the US by Joseph Pilate, this form of exercise is creating a revolution in gymnasiums all over the world. It is a body conditioning routine that helps build flexibility, muscle strength, endurance and posture and automatically leads to weight loss.

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CLOTHES

Dressing in clothes and styles suited to your body- shape, go a long way in giving one a slim appearance.

The colour black works brilliantly to give a slimming effect and silhouette suited to one’s body shape, and does wonders to hide unwanted bulges.

Consult a stylist and understand your body structure before investing in a new wardrobe.

DIET PILLS

This is an alternative that can prove to be very effective and easy for those who may have already tried other methods to reduce body fat. There are various body weight losing pills or powdered drinks available in the market that can help in reduction of weight. So this may prove to be a really good

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 19

HEALTH

When you are pregnant, what you eat and drink will determine the growth and development of your baby’s lifelong health

Pamper Pregnancy with the Right Nutrients Pregnancy is exciting and yet overwhelming. The early uneasiness of pregnancy deters the ability to ensemble the intake of right nutrients. When you are expecting, what you eat and drink will determine the growth and development of your baby’s lifelong health. A well-balanced diet with adequate carbohydrates,fruit, vegetables, dairy products, fish, lean meat, eggs and good fats sustain a healthy pregnancy. There are also some indispensable

nutrients that bolster and help the mother and child bloom.

CALORIE CONFUSION OF PREGNANCY

Umpteen times you have heard pregnancy licences you to “eat for two”! However you ought to eat a balanced meal just like any healthy individual. An expecting mother requires just an average of 350 Kcals in addition to 1900 kcals except when expecting twins.

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 21

HEALTH ESSENTIAL NUTRIENTS (continued)

USES

DOSAGE

PROTEIN Provides all amino acids needed for expanding blood volume, new tissue synthesis, building muscles, bones and foetal growth.

Fatty fish, dressed chicken, lean meat, eggs, low fat milk, slim curd, cheese, nuts, beans.

82 g / day

FOLATE (B- vitamin) Required for cell division, synthesis of amino acids and nucleic acids – DNA. Prevents neural tube defects, imperative for baby’s brain and nervous system.

Green leafy vegetables, eggs, organ meats, beans or legumes (lima beans, black beans, blackeyed peas, chickpeas)

600 µg (micrograms) / day

VITAMIN C Powerful anti-oxidant, builds resistance to infection and helps in the absorption of iron.

Goose berry, guava, papaya, mango, pineapple, berries, muskmelon, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, green leafy vegetables, tomato.

70 mg / day

VITAMIN A Powerful antioxidant, maintains vision especially in the dark, healthy skin, mucous membrane and bones.

All yellow, orange- coloured fruits, vegetables, dark green leafy vegetables, milk, fish, eggs

800 mg/day

VITAMIN D (1,25-dihydroxycholecalciferol ) Promotes absorption of calcium from the gut for strengthening baby’s bones and teeth. Deficiency causes distorted skeletal deposition and congenital rickets.

Sunlight, fatty fish like salmon and tuna, fish liver oil, egg yolk, asparagus, mushrooms.

15 mg / day

VITAMIN E Powerful anti-oxidant, protects cell membrane and RBC’s.

Wheat germ, sunflower seeds/oil almonds, hazelnuts, peanuts

CALCIUM Apart bone and teeth foundation, it is absolutely necessary for nervous, circulatory and muscular functions.

Dairy products, broccoli, dark green leafy vegetables – turnip greens,fish with bones– sardines,crabs and prawns.

35 mg / day

IRON Required for formation of haemoglobin that prevents anaemia, premature delivery and low birth weight.

Organ meats, red meat, lean beef, egg yolk, green leafy vegetables, dry beans, dry fruits,jaggery.

150 µg / day

IODINE The thyroid gland uses iodine to form thyroid hormones — development of brain and nervous system before birth, governs overall growth and development.

Deficiency can lead to mental retardation of new born.

Seafood, seaweed, eggs, dairy products, iodized salt, Oysters, shell fish, meat.

12 mg / day

ZINC Zinc is a trace mineral that is decisive in reproduction, growth, wound healing and to strengthen immunity. It is obligatory in the production of insulin that will help combat insulin insensitivity induced by pregnancy hormones, which may pave the way for gestational diabetes.

Fish, shrimps / prawns, chicken, eggs, dairy foods, grains, beans.

650 mg of which

DHA (Omega 3) Development of the foetal eyes and brain

Fatty fish – tuna, salmon, mackerel, sardines, walnuts, flax seeds, avocado, dark green leafy vegetables.

300 mg DHA

22 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

1200 mg per day

HEALTH

PREGNANCY ADMONITION

"Africa will be a growth centre over the next couple of decades until the middle of this century... " â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Asian business leader, BBC article

Always consume only fresh food prepared with special emphasis on hygiene and food safety.

Avoid pre-prepared, cold or raw meat preparations which harbor detrimental bacteria.

Avoid the intake of undercooked non-vegetarian foodâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; oysters, sushi, eggs, luncheon meats, raw sprouts which may carry several harmful microbes.

Avoid large fish like swordfish, shark, tilefish and king mackerel with high mercury content.

Alcohol and caffeine are deleterious to the mother and fetus.

Avoid empty calories from soft drinks, sweets and desserts.

Supplements are no substitute to a healthy diet.

Focus on small frequent meals.

Eat sensible nutrient dense snacks in-between.

Fiber and water though lack contribution to calories, are crucial in pregnancy to avoid constipation exaggerated by iron supplements.

Be physically active as exercise will promote agility and vitality.

Prenatal nutrition is simply the variety of foods from all food groups. Adequate fruits, vegetables, whole grains and good quality protein will nourish the foetus, mother and also augment lactation.

Geetha G H is a Consultant Registered Dietician, Certified Diabetes Educator, Exercise & Sports Nutritionist, Lecturer, Nutrition trainer and nutrition speaker for corporate wellness. Her 10 years of diverse work experience encompasses lectureship, research, therapeutic nutrition, food safety, corporate nutrition and seminars. She is a regular nutrition columnist for print and electronic media. She is a university first rank holder and has several gold medals to her credit at both under graduate and post graduate levels. She is passionate about nutrition, writing and research.

Visit http://www.facebook.com/nutriwhizgeetha

Following Women micro-enterprise training in the Gambia, their women leaders continue to benefit from this.

Six women have started their own revolving loan fund to help sustain themselves and the local church.

Here's a story of one woman who personally benefited and has now become a blessing to her community: Naomi was in a domestic crisis coupled with financial difficulties. She is the second wife of a Muslim man. She has had seven pregnancies and lost six of her babies. She has experienced several spiritual attacks. Although her way is hard, she is learning day by day that God is good, and that His people truly care for her. She participates in the local group of women who support one another and share their resources with one another in the revolving loan fund.

She now operates a bookstore which benefits the entire community. She is so happy that she now has an income to meet her basic needs and those of her children who are often neglected because she is the second wife.

Kim Kerr Director, Partners International Women VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 23

RECIPES

Bites On The Fly As the days get more hectic we find ourselves spending little or less time in the kitchen and opting for quick and easy (and sometimes unhealthy) ways of eating. Vashti Woman presents some fast and healthy cooking mantras for today’s enterprising ladies

Crunchy Mango Salad Serves 4

YOU NEED

2 big mangoes peeled, pitted and diced 1 small cucumber peeled and diced 2 green chillies finely chopped 2 tbsp. chillie garlic sauce 2 tsp. finely chopped coriander 1/2 tbsp. lime juice 1/4 tsp. pepper powder Salt to taste 1/4 teaspoon roasted sesame seeds for garnish.

METHOD 1 Stir together chopped mango, cucumber, chillies and coriander in a bowl.

2 Season with chillie garlic sauce, lime juice, salt, pepper.

24 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

Refrigerate for at least 1 to 11/2 hour before serving in order to allow a nice blend of all flavours.

4 Garnish with roasted sesame seeds and serve.

3

Use firm varieties of mango for making salsa.

In India, Polly Mango (or Tottapuri as they are called in Hindi)—when nearly ripe —make the best salsa.

Alphonso or other sweet and soft varieties are better used for desserts.

RECIPES

Club Sandwich

Makes 6

YOU NEED

METHOD

9 bread slices with crusts removed 1/2 cup shredded cabbage 1/2 cup hung curd 2 tsp. finely chopped green chillies 1/4 tsp. finely chopped ginger 1/4 tsp. chaat masala 4 tbsp. green mint chutney 1/4 tsp. white pepper powder A little butter Salt to taste

You will require 3 slices of bread to make one sandwich 2 Firstly butter one slice of bread and then apply some green mint chutney and set aside.

3 Lightly mix the hung curd with chillie, ginger, chaat masala, salt, pepper and the shredded cabbage.

4 Take another slice of bread, lightly butter it and then spread 1

a spoonful of the hung curd mixture on it. Top this with a plain slice of buttered bread.

5 Add a little more of the hung curd mix on this slice before covering with the mint chutney spread slice to close the sandwich.

6 Divide it into equal halves and serve with a fresh salad, ketchup and mustard.

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 25

RECIPES

Hot Green Waffle Serves 4 YOU NEED

METHOD

1 cup split green gram soaked for 3 hours 3 green chillies roughly chopped 2 tbsp. grated carrot 1â&#x20AC;? ginger chopped fine 1 tbsp. finely chopped cabbage 1 tbsp. finely chopped capsicum 2 tsp. gram flour 1/4 tsp. baking soda 2 tsp. oil Salt to taste

Grind soaked green gram, chillie and ginger to a coarse paste.

2 In a bowl mix salt, baking soda, gram flour, carrot, cabbage, capsicum and green gram paste. (add 1 tbs water if required) 3 Pre heat waffle iron for 3 to 4 minutes and grease with a little oil.

4 Pour a little batter onto the preheated waffle iron and cook till crisp (approximately 6 to 8 minutes). Repeat with remaining batter.

5 Serve hot with mint chutney.

26 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

1

RECIPES

Soya Chunk Manchurian Serves 4 YOU NEED

METHOD

1 cup soya bean chunks soaked and drained (soak soya chunks in hot water for15 min) 3 tbsp. corn flour dissolved in half cup of water 1 tbsp. green chillie sauce 1 tsp. soya sauce 1/2 cup finely chopped onion 2 tbsp. finely chopped capsicum 2 tsp. ginger garlic paste 2 tbsp. tomato ketchup 1/2 tbsp. vinegar 1 tbsp. oil Salt to taste 1 tbsp. spring onion to garnish

Heat oil in a pan; add onions and sauté for 2 minutes.

2 Add capsicum, ginger and garlic paste and cook for 2 to 3 minutes.

Now add green chillie sauce, soya sauce, tomato ketchup, vinegar, salt and stir.

3 Quickly add corn flour paste and cook till thick or desired consistency is achieved.

4 Add soya chunks, cover and cook for few minutes.

5 Garnish with spring onions and serve hot with noodles, rice or as an entrée.

1

Nidhi Ali is an avid cook and baker and runs her own home enterprise in Bangalore. She spends her day experimenting in the kitchen, taking on party orders and cooking up a storm with her restaurateur and food loving husband.

Health Benefits Of Soya Soy protein is a high-quality, complete protein with a variety of health benefits.

Among soy’s most notable benefits are its effects on lowering blood cholesterol levels. In fact, more than ten years ago, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) issued a health claim for soy on the basis of its heart health benefits.

Since then, government agencies in eleven other countries have followed suit.

Additionally, soy is the only widely available plant source of protein that is considered a “complete” source of protein, comparable in protein quality to meat, milk and eggs.

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 27

COVER STORY

LIANE GHOSH:

Mapping New Directions Photo Courtesy Adrian Peter Delvi

COVER STORY

S

he has trekked her way to the top, with nothing more than a backpack of dreams and a survivor’s kit of well-honed skills and innate intelligence. She has a bucket-list of places to see and things to do. Always looking for new roads and avenues that are off the beaten track, Liane Ghosh is an example of a new-age woman whose journeys are inward, outward and always forward.

Tanned and refreshed from her recent jaunt to the Valley of Flowers, Liane is already planning her next adventure.

That sums up the life of this passionate traveller who Your profile is extraordinary: a graduate with majors in English Literature and Psychology, you now head an organization that provides end-toend technical solutions. How did you make this unusual transition?

When I was in college I was laid back and didn’t really look at mapping a career but was focusing on getting a job which would help me become financially independent. Once I did that, I realized that I could do more and be more.

I also discovered I was quick at learning new things, even though I didn’t have the necessary foundation or background. I wasn’t diffident about technology; in fact, I was comfortable with it and saw that that was where my future was. In many ways knowledge is power, and that realization made me embrace whatever information and skills had relevance to the industry. I decided to join the fray and put my mind to be the best.

LIANE

Your professional path has taken you from service and support to strategy, not only as you moved across organizations and domains but also vertically in terms of roles and responsibilities. How did that happen?

I played to my key strengths and demonstrated my abilities in each organization and role. I

LIANE

sees life as an act of discovery and adventure. As Head of Innovatia India (Asia), a Canadian organisation that delivers Documentation Solutions for technical products and services worldwide, Liane is responsible for setting up and consolidating the business in India. Leaving behind a trail of success stories and achievements, across organisations and domains, Liane is an inspiration to all who believe in Henry Miller’s statement that “One’s destination is never a place but a new way of seeing things.” Liane exemplifies it through her life’s journey.

kept looking for opportunities to pick up new skills and acquire knowledge that was current and relevant to the business. I also took the initiative to qualify myself in each new role.

For example I realized that quality is a key factor in every business, so decided to earn a Six Sigma Black belt certification that made me more credible in my role.

I took it one step at a time and now, when I look back, all those aspects of business shaped my perspective. I started as a Technical support specialist, moved to quality, then to Operations, Information development and finally to Strategy.

All these roles enlarged my vision as a professional.

Why was it so important ‘to do more and be more’ and when did that motivation kick in?

In my first job I was very casual. I was straight out of college and earning my bread; enjoying my independence was on the top of my agenda. It didn’t take very long for me to gain visibility. I realized then that I was a smart worker and could lead people. The realization that I could achieve so much so soon, with very little effort, and that I

could be more, prompted me to consider a career in management.

Success itself is a great motivator. Money was no longer a concern and with each recognition and promotion I became more confident, took greater risks and worked harder, to fulfil an inner urge to be empowered and add value to each role and each team I worked with.

Each small success is a trigger to launch you forward, and for me each new role and responsibility was a step up to discovering my strengths, developing new skills and using them pro-actively.

In your last job at Dell, you grew rapidly, winning accolades and recognitions, awards and positions. You were placed in the Champions quadrant based on direct reports and surveys; you have won awards such as Manager of the Year, Business Excellence Award, Product Group Revolutionary

LIANE

My individual success no longer mattered as much as adding value to the things I do and the people I lead VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 29

COVER STORY

Award and received the Dell Innoval tor of the Year Award from Michael Dell as recently as 2012. Would you call these milestones defining moments in your professional path?

Yes, they are milestones, but they are only significant in that my work is recognised and appreciated. They launched me on a global platform. The awards don’t mean I have reached the zenith of my performance.

Somewhere along the line, I realized that my individual success no longer mattered as much as adding value to the things I do and the people I lead. Whether it was motivating someone at the bottom of the heap or showing the way to a novice or sharing the burden with my boss, growth meant taking people along with me. You can never do it alone, it’s people who carry you forward.

These awards only showed me how fortunate I have been to work with people who have backed me all along. I have been fortunate to have had inspiring mentors, managers who were fair and exemplary and colleagues who supported me in my roles.

LIANE

You were recently featured in The Economic Times as a success story of Executive management programmes.

Why did you decide to qualify yourself with a management degree at this juncture of your career?

qualification in management, and this programme was tailor-made for experienced executives. It would enhance my market worth and put me in the running for a leadership position in business excellence, which is where I saw myself adding greatest value.

It was a tough decision to make as it meant being away from home.

It called for a huge investment and was a daunting challenge, as I was going to a reputed B-school which set high expectations. My husband supported my decision as he saw it meant a lot to me.

The course completely changed my perspective, gave me loads of confidence and helped me to know I could hold my own in a crowd of highly motivated and accomplished people. In the final simulation- assessment module, I ranked 5th out of a class of 50 and that was one of the high points of my life. It showed me that it’s possible to achieve your goals if you have the will and make the effort.

There is no end to learning.

I realized the need for a formal

Growing up, you faced emotionally challenging situations. You were

You are now at the helm of Innovatia India. How did this fortuitous situation come about and what are the challenges ahead?

A tip off from a former boss made me consider the possibility. I was happy but I felt I was ready for a change or rather for a role that life had been preparing me for. Many conversations later and a rather unconventional interview at JFK airport, New York, while I was on a business trip (with my manager at the time), consolidated the appointment.

In 2 months time, I was setting up the India operations from scratch which meant finding a place, putting a team together and training them in processes.

My current goal is to make Innovatia the Number 1 specialist in Documentation solutions in India.

LIANE

LIANE

Each small success is a trigger to launch you forward...A step up to discovering my strengths, developing new skills and using them pro-actively LIANE WITH THE INSEAD FINAL SIMULATION TOPPERS AND THE PROGRAM DIRECTORS

30 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

COVER STORY

I watched my mother work hard to raise three children on her own, but they taught me valuable life lessons of doing more with less and learning to survive against all odds. brought up singlehandedly by your mother, a school teacher. How did those tough times shape your identity?

They were emotionally tough times as I watched my mother work hard to raise three children on her own, but they taught me valuable life lessons of doing more with less and learning to survive against all odds.

Fortunately, we had an extended family of aunts and uncles, mostly single. Mum packed us off every summer to the family home in Kolar, where they spoilt us and made up for everything. I grew up believing that women can manage everything from bringing home the bread to paying the bills and, of course, picking up where everyone leaves off at the end of the day. While I was still young, I learned to stretch, to make do and manage a home independently.

At home, my husband happily relinquishes the reins of home manager to me. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m glad I had simple but highly resourceful and independent women like my mother and grandmother to watch and learn from, as they made me sensible and practical.

LIANE

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 31

COVER STORY

Your marriage is inter-faith and intercultural as well. How did you make the differences work for you?

I met Arnab, an architect, through a chance meeting with friends and we instantly hit it off.

We enjoyed each other’s company and I think I was ready for his calm and laid back attitude.

Initially my mother was upset that I was marrying someone of another faith but she finally came around. Just as much as I have made adjustments, so has Arnab.

My in-laws live in the flat below us, and both our families share an easy relationship.

At the end of the day we are comfortable with each other. Arnab encourages me to pursue my passion. An indulgent and caring husband, he often accompanies me on breaks. Though our ideas of holidays are different, we compromise. We share a common love for good food and one of our weekend pastimes is to find a new restaurant. We are both foodies; he loves to cook and I love to eat. He is house-proud while I manage the nitty-gritties.

Couldn’t have worked out better!!

LIANE

2002 was a life-changing year for you. You married Arnab and you lost your brother Geoffrey tragically in the same year. How did you deal with those life- changing events?

I was hardly past the honeymoon stage, when my brother met with an accident and slipped into a coma. I was numb with shock. I was very close to my brother. Geoffrey and I were just 10 months apart

LIANE

32 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

I had simple but highly resourceful and independent women like my mother and grandmother to watch and learn from, as they made me sensible and practical

Initially Arnab and I were numb with shock and pain and so postponed the decision. It seems like we missed that possibility at some point and, much as I would have loved to have children, I’ve filled my life with simple joys and strong familial bonds.

You love travelling and you mentioned that you don’t often walk the beaten path of tourist attractions but take the roads less travelled by. Can you talk about your wanderlust and some memorable experiences?

It is exciting to go to new places, find out new things and just see the world and all it has to offer. I love the mountains and try to get to at least two destinations a year. I had the privilege of motoring to the Nathula pass, 14,000 feet above sea level, on the Indo – China border, which was part of the Silk Route and I’ve just returned from the Valley of Flowers in Uttarkand. Even on a business trip, I try to take in the cities where I happen to be.

LIANE

and like peas in a pod. He was my closest friend and confidante and, above all, the one who championed my every cause. I watched my mother sit by him as he died a little each day, and that had a profound effect on both Arnab and me.

My in-laws were very supportive, particularly my father-in-law who would come in every day and relieve my mother or me. I grieved and wouldn’t talk about my brother for years, as I threw myself into work and being my mother’s support system.

It sometimes takes a personal tragedy to make you conscious of people you often take for granted. Life can change in an instant. and that taught me to value each moment and relationship.

Did this tragedy affect your decision on parenthood?

To face that kind of loss as a parent is unimaginable.

LIANE

“To travel is to live,” said Hans Christian Andersen, in his autobiography, The Fairy Tale of My Life. How has travel changed your perspectives and broadened your horizons?

When I was in France, doing my management course, I ventured out to one of the suburbs by the Metro. Before we reached our destination the train ground to a halt, followed by an announcement that there could be a delay of 2–3 hours. So there we were without electricity, a bunch of strangers in a coupe.

A young man started talking to

LIANE

COVER STORY

me in French and soon we were communicating in two different languages, but making sense nevertheless. A bottle of wine turned up as did snacks as others joined in. In three hours, we went from being just passengers to becoming travel companions.

We were strangers in the dark, laughing and talking about life and our experiences, without inhibition or reservation, transcending all boundaries. It was an amazing experience.

What else is on your bucket list?

My ultimate goal is to establish a retirement home for senior citizens which, while running as a business model, will cater to every need, comfort and amenity that will give the elderly a full and comfortable life.

Besides that, I want to give

LIANE

LIANE

back. I feel blessed by the many opportunities I have received and by the people who mentored and supported my growth.

I would like to do the same for young professionals with dreams and potential, to make those dreams come true. I would feel truly fulfilled if I could provide career opportunities for at least 500 deserving people. dreams come true. I would feel truly fulfilled if I could provide career opportunities for at least 500 deserving people.

They say all journeys lead to an inner destination. What nurtures your spirit, grounds you, yet inspires you to fly?

Growing up, my mother was very strict in our observance of rituals, especially going to church every Sunday. Faith is a very personal thing and I do believe that it is the centre that grounds you and makes you who you are.

LIANE

After I read ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne, I was inspired to follow a simple act of appreciation and faith. Before I turn in, I thank God for ten blessings I have received and ask in faith for things I need. That act of faith keeps me humble and spiritually dependent.

Did you, at times, feel particularly inhibited or conscious of being challenged as a woman in a ‘man’s world’?

I was a tomboy and grew up believing that a girl can do anything if she sets her mind to it, so I don’t think I was particularly conscious that I was a woman in a man’s world. I saw myself as a person with courage and gumption to scale heights.

You have to often create opportunities when there are none. It’s important to take charge of all those aspects that make you feel better about yourself.

LIANE

AN R, RAJASTH

AKPU NAB RAN

AND, AR WITH HUSB

Life can change in an instant. And that taught me to value each moment and relationship

ALONG GUSHING

WATERS LIANE GHOSH

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 33

COVER STORY

I struggled with weight issues, use opportunities that showcase being the foodie that I was. My your potential and latent strengths. lifestyle made me feel unhealthy. It’s never too late to learn or grow.

I woke up one morning and If you empower yourself, you can didn’t like what I had become. transform the environment you’re There was no sense in making in. I have learned through personal myself feel like I was the victim. I experience that life is precious; decided I had to take charge and so seize the moment and don’t motivate myself everyday to think postpone acting on your impulses. positively and to care for myself. Life can pass you by.

Now, I’m fitter and stronger than The coffee in our cups has grown I’ve ever been in body, mind and cold but our conversation has warmed spirit.

As a woman who has journeyed to a place of respect and visible success, what message would you like to leave with our readers?

It’s important to always be ready for the next big thing and

LIANE

our spirits. Seated in her beautiful home, lovingly designed by her husband, I look at this smart young woman basking in the sunlight that drenches the room, and know that Liane has arrived! She has a maturity and calmness that comes from realising that though the road has been long and often hard, every turn in it has only brought fresh fields and pastures new. As I prepare to leave, she already has that faraway look of a traveller dreaming of the next adventure…Bon Voyage, Liane! May the road rise up to meet you!

Dr. Shirley Hereford, Ph.D, who interviewed Liane, is the Director, 2nd Mile Inc., a Learning & Development Consultancy, that provides programmes in leadership and Management skills. She is a freelance writer who has been published in academic journals ,newspapers and periodicals.

Faith is a very personal thing...It is the centre that grounds you and makes you who you are...

34 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

TRAVEL

On Her Own Ladies, travelling alone will be one of the best things you ever do, but make sure you do it right. Here are some tips for staying safe while exploring the world Women travel for countless reasons, whether to discover new frontiers, pursue business opportunities, or simply to rest and relaxâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;not unlike men. But when it comes to health and security, and how travellers are affected by the religious and cultural beliefs of the foreign countries they visit, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a huge difference between women and men. The truth is that women face greater obstacles, especially when travelling alone.

36 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

The problems they face are diverse. Petty and violent crime, culture shock, poor sanitation, the dangers and disappointments of international cyber-dating â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the challenges are many. But so are the benefits. With careful planning, common sense, and respect for religious and societal differences, you can minimize your risks and maximize your chances of having a safe and successful trip.

TRAVEL

countries employ strict interpretations of Sharia or Islamic law, which may have an impact on the rights and obligations of women. The fact that activities, such as wearing a bikini or having premarital sex, are legal in the West doesn’t mean they’ll be so in a foreign country. Based on your research, develop a risk-management strategy outlining hazards you should be aware of and precautions you can take.

Start by checking to see if there’s a Travel Warning in effect for your proposed destination and obtain information on safety and security, local laws and customs, health conditions, and entry requirements.

Supplement these resources with travel books, newsletters, magazines, and websites just for women travellers.

They offer a comprehensive view of the health, safety, cultural, and emotional issues experienced by women on the road.

2. PLAN AHEAD Careful preparation is your key to safe and successful travel. By planning ahead, you’ll avoid hassles later.

Obtain a valid passport and an appropriate visa for every country on your itinerary. Understand the terms of each visa, as you could be arrested for violating visa conditions in some countries.

As a precaution against loss or theft, leave copies of important travel documents with family or friends. If possible, scan all your documents and send them to yourself at an e-mail address you can access anywhere.

1. KNOW THE RISKS The more you know about where you’re going, the safer and happier your travels will be. Before you leave, be sure to complete a risk assessment of any country you’re thinking of visiting. It will help you to choose a destination where you’ll feel safe and in your comfort zone. If you doubt you can put up with the challenges and hazards of a particular country, strike it off your list. A risk assessment should address your concerns as a female traveller, including safety and security, health conditions, the political and economic environment, local laws, customs, and cultural norms – including the role of women – in your potential host country. For example, some

Make sure you have travel health insurance that covers all medical expenses for illness or injury (including hospitalization abroad and medical evacuation), loss or theft of valuables, damage to baggage, and flight cancellations or interruptions.

Consider taking a self-defence course for women. You’ll embark on your journey with added confidence.

Carry an emergency contact card with the coordinates of the nearest embassy of your country or consulate in your destination, in case you run into trouble abroad.

3. TRAVEL LIGHT Always travel light, if possible, to protect yourself against loss or theft of money and valuables. You’ll be much less vulnerable and more independent if you’re not weighed down with a lot of luggage.

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 37

TRAVEL

The ideal handbag or daypack is easy to carry and has zippered inner compartments for added security, a padlock on every pocket, and a sturdy shoulder strap or harnesses.

The best way to carry your bag is in front of you, close to your body, where it’s out of reach of wandering hands. Carry only items that are lightweight and that you can afford to lose.

Try to have at least one hand free at all times. It may help to wear cargo pants or a vest with multiple pockets to store travel documents and gear. Be aware of your surroundings and keep an eye out for bag-snatchers and pickpockets.

Avoid displaying expensive-looking cameras, jewellery, and other showy accessories that may mark you as a wealthy tourist. Beware of credit card fraud. Never leave your credit card out of sight.

Conceal in a money belt or neck pouch any necessities that can’t be easily replaced and that are crucial to your travel arrangements: your passport, airline and train tickets, credit and debit cards, traveller’s cheques, cash, a copy of

your insurance policy, medical prescriptions, and contact information for your doctor.

Keep copies of all important travel documents in your suitcase, in case the originals are stolen or lost.

Use a small-wheeled suitcase or backpack for long trips, a small day-pack or tote bag for shorter excursions. Keep your luggage locked at all times. Carry two sets of keys.

Use luggage tags that hide your contact information from the inquiring eyes of thieves and con artists.

Always pack your own luggage and never let it out of your sight while travelling. Watch out for individuals who may try to plant items in your pockets or in your luggage.

Never carry anything, even an envelope, across a border or through customs for anyone else.

4. CRIME PROOF YOURSELF

The more you know about where you’re going, the safer and happier your travels will be

Be careful who you trust.

Watch out for criminals —both male and female —who target women travellers. They may work individually or in teams, often posing as good Samaritans or creating distractions to steal belongings. Be wary of new 'friends', including locals, fellow travellers.

Beware of the threat of getting trapped in sex or labour trafficking.

Human traffickers frequently recruit foreign women through fraudulent ads for work as hostesses, models, nannies, maids, or other seemingly legitimate jobs.

Know where you’re going, what you’re doing, and how to get back. Always carry the address or a business card from your accommodations. Study a street map before going out. Avoid opening a map in a public area or keep it hidden under a newspaper. If you get lost, try to get your bearings and ask for directions from a police officer, shopkeeper, or another woman on the street, or by finding a phone and calling your hotel or hostel.

Use only legal and reputable taxis.

Never hire a taxi if the driver approaches you in an airport arrival area. Such services are usually illegal and may be

38 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

unsafe. Ask your hotel to recommend taxi services and avoid the risk of hailing an unlicensed cab on the street. Or take advantage of women-only taxis in such cities as London, Cairo, and Moscow. Whenever possible, pair up with someone you trust when travelling by taxi.

Never hitchhike or accept rides from strangers. There’s no country on earth where hitchhiking is safe, particularly for women.

Leave important items in your hotel safe, avoid taking valuables to the beach or pool, and if you do, never leave them unattended while swimming. Carry only essentials, such as your cash and hotel key, in a compact waterproof container with a neck or wrist strap.

Stay alert and aware of your surroundings. Minimize alcohol consumption and don’t use, carry, or get involved with illegal drugs.

Don’t be afraid to make a scene. A loud whistle or even a healthy scream can be helpful tools to ward off an attacker, deter an intruder, or summon aid. Consider wearing a whistle as a necklace or carrying a personal security alarm that emits a shrill sound.

Travelling solo has its benefits. You get to set your own pace, have more direct contact with foreign cultures, and meet new friends more easily. But a lone female traveller may also face unwanted attention

Safe and Solo Adventurous as we girls may wish to be, safety is always a concern and while travellers must always be careful, some places are safer than others for women. Here’s a list of possible destinations for your next solo vacation.

THE LAKE DISTRICT ENGLAND

If you are at all outdoorsy the Lake District is a fabulous place to visit for it’s natural beauty and local charm. It’s easy to see why this area was the inspiration for much of Wordsworth’s poetry.

CHICAGO U.S.A.

A city known for it’s fabulous downtown, waterfront, architecture, great use of the river, cycling, arts scene, blue/jazz scene, sports traditions… and they have a wonderful free greeters program to introduce you to the city as well.

AMSTERDAM NETHERLANDS

Amsterdam is a city rich in history, fresh with pop culture and on the leading edge of social change. It is a place where women, pedestrians and cyclists are all respected. Yes there’s the red light district but it’s also very family friendly. Unlike Paris, which is a city to look at, Amsterdam is a place to infiltrate and experience.

ST. REMY & ARLES FRANCE

Possibly the best part of France is the south near Arles and St. Remy de Provence (they are about 30km apart). Arles is the bigger city with a Roman arena.

St. Remy has Roman ruins as well, though smaller. The area is famous for inspiring Vincent Van Gogh who lived there from 1889 to 1890, a year of intense productivity of master works. It’s beauty lies in the landscape, history and French countryside charm.

or overwhelming obstacles in some parts of the world. If you travel alone, you may want to choose countries with a more relaxed attitude towards solo female travellers, where you’ll face fewer challenges.

Otherwise, you may wish to team up with a travel companion —there’s safety in numbers.

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 39

FICTION

Beauty In The Eye Of The Beholder They had never imagined that the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;ugly ducklingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; would find a handsome mate

FICTION

I

had stayed up all night supervising the decorations in the hall. Multicoloured balloons festooned the walls and buntings hung in loops from the ceiling, giving the place a festive air. Each table was covered with pink damask, with a solitary red rose in a long necked porcelain vase adorning it. This was just my engagement, but I wanted the occasion to be unforgettable. Most of my friends and relatives would not be able to attend my wedding as it would be held in Singapore. The hall was packed to capacity. Many had come out of curiosity. They had never imagined that the ‘ugly duckling’ would find a handsome mate. I was going on thirty and had been consigned to permanent spinsterhood.

I felt good that morning and the mirror told me that I looked pretty. I had dressed with care in a sky blue sari specially embroidered with gold threads. My hair was bunched up in a pony tail, with a strand of jasmine falling loosely on one side. My face had been done up by a beautician, so that even the fine scar on my upper lip was perfectly camouflaged.

“She really looks pretty,” I heard some one say as I walked up to the dais.

“When did she have the surgery done and why did she wait so long? Another whispered, but loud enough for me to hear.

That question had bothered me for years. Why had my parents not got my cleft lip properly repaired when I was a child? It was not for lack of money. They were both earning well. Besides, my mother was a nurse and knew what a difference it would have made to a young girl. Why did I have to go through the best years of my life being the butt end of many a joke from my class mates and colleagues alike?

When I was fifteen, I made bold to ask my mother if I could have surgery to improve my looks. Her reaction had me flummoxed.

“Not again. Not ever,” she sobbed, “You’re pretty just as you are and we love you with all our hearts.”

She refused to tell me more.

But by the time I was twenty five, Mother was eager to marry me off.

“I’m searching for a suitable groom for my daughter,” she told her friends, “I promise he will lack for nothing.”

Many suitors came, saw and bolted.

“No, no, I don’t want to get up every morning and see that face. It would simply spoil my day,” one said.

“Not for all the money in the world,” said another, “It would give me nightmares.”

Then I put my foot down.

“Stop looking for a groom for me. It is humiliating.

I don’t have to get married. I have a good education and a lucrative job. If you don’t stop this nonsense, I’ll leave home and stay on my own.”

I could feel the penetrating looks and whispers of the people who had come to witness my engagement.

I couldn’t tell whether they were happy for me or just curious to see the handsome doctor who was my fiancé. He was standing on the dais with a worried look on his face until he saw me approaching. Then he grinned from ear to ear.

“There you are,” he said, “You look gorgeous.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t show up?”

“Well, with all the twittering going on around here, I thought you’d develop cold feet.”

The story of our romance was like a fairy tale. Most people couldn’t believe that it could happen in this day and age when beauty was at a premium. Earlier that year, a visiting Basket Ball team from Singapore had visited our club to play against our team. Apart from losing the game to us, one of their players was badly injured and had to be hospitalized. I called on her several times to see how she was doing and bumped into her brother a plastic surgeon, who had accompanied the team.

“Don’t stare at me like that,” I said, “Haven’t you seen anyone with a lip deformity before?”

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 41

FICTION

“Not at your age,” he said, “Why on earth has it not been properly repaired till now?”

“It’s none of your business,” I said, fuming under my breath.

“Beauty is my business. I create beauty out of impossible situations and it irks me to see that a comely girl like you has neglected herself.”

“I’m here to see how your sister is doing and not to listen to your rude comments about my appearance.”

I said, and walked out in a huff.

But Niranjan wouldn’t let me be. He took the trouble to find out where I worked. He was waiting for me when I stepped out of the office next day.

“I’m sorry if I made you angry. But you’ve been on my mind ever since I saw you. Why should a nice young girl like you choose to stay ugly? Do you not have the means?”

I was about to snub him again when I saw concern in his eyes. He seemed genuinely interested in helping me.

“Very well, I’ll look for a plastic surgeon.”

“Come with me. I have a friend who will be glad to repair your lip.”

The operation was scheduled for a month later. I knew my parents would oppose my decision. It was not that they didn’t love me. They had all kinds of fears that it could be dangerous and that I wouldn’t recover from the anaesthesia.

“Don’t think we haven’t tried before,” said my father, “You were one year old when we took you to the hospital for repair of your lip. But there were complications. You suffered cardiac arrest on the table, and when you recovered the surgeon in a panic, rushed through the operation and botched up the repair. It left an ugly scar on your lip. We were terrified of taking you to another surgeon again.

Forgive us.”

But this time, the surgeon assured them that there would be no complications.

Niranjan and his sister returned to Singapore long before my operation. I was surprised when the doctor refused to bill me and said it had all been taken care of. It made me uncomfortable to be obligated to Niranjan. I didn’t even know where to 42 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

“She really looks pretty,” I heard some one say as I walked up to the dais send a ‘Thank You’ letter. And why had he bothered about a casual acquaintance?

The surgery made such a difference to my life. I felt self confident and happy. The mirror assured me that I could even pass for pretty.

“If only you had the operation years ago!” my friends said, “Yes, if only that good doctor had met you years ago!”

Three months after my operation, Niranjan showed up again. He didn’t comment on my new look. Instead he asked, “Are you free to join me for dinner tonight?”

“I never refuse a free dinner,” I answered, surprised that someone had finally asked me out on a date.

We spent a wonderful evening together, exchanging bits of information about our lives, laughing over our individual eccentricities, and talking about our hobbies. As we tucked into our dessert of chocolate and nut ice cream, he said, “I’ve come all the way from Singapore to see you. Couldn’t get you out of my mind since we parted. Would you consider relocating to Singapore?”

I was speechless. Was he really proposing? Was there something I was missing? Could I believe this man whom I had only met twice?

“Are you proposing marriage?” I asked timidly.

“Of course. Isn’t that why I’m here?”

“But why me of all people? I don’t want your pity.”

“Because once long ago a stranger helped me out.

I was involved in an accident with severe injuries to my face and forehead. It left me with a horrible squint in one eye. I was depressed and angry with life. Even my best friends began to crack jokes at my expense. You know how self-conscious one feels in one’s teens. I started bunking classes and wandering around during school time. Then I met an eye surgeon to whom I poured out my tale of

FICTION

woe. He took me under his care and got my squint corrected.”

“Are you making up this story to placate me? I don’t even see the faintest trace of a squint.”

“You’ve got to believe me. It took months for my rehabilitation. All through those difficult months he encouraged me. As the song goes, ‘Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on….’ That was my reason for pestering you to have the operation. But I couldn’t let go…. I fell in love with you. Now tell me what your answer is going to be.”

“Thank you Niranjan. I am honoured.”

He broke into a smile.

“Then let’s go and break the news to your parents,” he said, literally dragging me out of the restaurant My parents could not hide their relief.

“We are delighted,” they said, “But Singapore is so far away and she is our only daughter.”

I glared at my mother. “No Mum, you’re not going to stand in the way of my happiness,” I thought.

“We will have a grand engagement here for your family and friends,” Niranjan said, “But the wedding will be on my home turf. I promise to keep her happy always.”

So here we were now. The hall had filled up. I didn’t realise I had so many friends and well wishers.

The priest was already on his way to officiate at the ceremony. I looked up for confirmation that this ugly duckling had finally turned into a swan.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” I thought, as he squeezed my hand.

Dr. Eva Bell is a Doctor of Medicine and also a freelance writer of articles, short stories and children’s stories that are published in Indian magazines and newspapers, anthologies and also on the web. She is the author of two novels, one work of non-fiction and two children’s books.

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 43

LIFE STYLE

Nine Ways To Overcome

Compulsive Buying

Lack of appreciation by family members, loss of personal freedom, inability to cope with domestic problems, fault finding husbands and unsympathetic in-laws can build up stress to such an extent that they can find release only through reckless spending

A

lmost every woman is a potential shopaholic. Sometimes the urge to spend madly cannot be controlled. It gives one a momentary thrill, and then subsides just as rapidly. Author April Benson calls it “an activity that promotes self-definition, even healing.”

Many women confess that splurging on a new dress or a pair of shoes puts them in a better mood. By the time they return from their shopping spree, they have forgotten the frustration or disappointment that had bothered them.

Neurotic symptoms can occur in normal people from time to time. In a given population, this can be as high as 815 per 1000 people. However, when this behaviour spins out of control, it leads to irrational compulsive buying. Shopping at the slightest provocation becomes an obsession.

Almost 60% of people wandering around shopping malls buying things they don’t need, are shopaholics.

“In extreme cases, this could be as addictive as drugs or alcohol,” says April Benson.

About 90% of compulsive buyers are women with money to spend.

44 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

Dr. Eva Bell Shopaholism is seldom seen among the poor. Many * women today feel unhappy and unfulfilled in their roles of wife and mother. Lack of appreciation by family members, loss of personal freedom, inability to cope with domestic problems, fault finding husbands and unsympathetic in-laws can build up stress to such an extent that they can find release only through reckless spending. Besides, housewives can manipulate their time schedules to give them enough time to shop. They step out on buying sprees,

LIFE STYLE

travel long distances in search of discount sales, jostle and fight over bargains, and saddle themselves with unwanted baggage.

Buying sends the neurotransmitters in the brain into overdrive, releasing adrenaline into the blood stream. This causes an emotional high. The heart palpitates at a good bargain. The shopaholic feels ecstatic and forgets her problems for a while.

But the mood elevation is temporary. Back home when she assesses the damage to her pocket, her self esteem dwindles and feelings of guilt increase.

Wasteful spending eats into the family budget and leads to deprivation in other areas of need.

Sometimes extreme guilt can drive a shopaholic to suicide.

PREDISPOSING FACTORS THAT LEADTO SHOPAHOLISM Parental neglect in childhood leads to low self-esteem.

Environment: Conflict between parents or parents and children can cause insecurity.

Character: A stable self confident person will be able to meet life’s challenges. But those who are too timid to fight or to shy to show hurt or verbalize their frustrations resort to neurotic behaviour.

The influence of relatives or friends with similar buying tendencies can encourage the shopaholic.

TRIGGER POINTS This is an era of lavishness, ostentation, and competitiveness. There are many factors that encourage excessive spending for instant gratification.

Aggressive advertising of consumer products.

Discount sales and enticing malls.

Affluence and shallow values.

Desire to keep up with the Joneses.

The more materialistic a person the greater the possibility of stress and depression.

Credit cards increase the pleasure of buying.

Studies show that people spend 20-30% more than if they were paying by cash.

Online buying and financial ignorance.

The limit of the credit card is not what one actually has in one’s account. It merely shows the limit to which the card can be used, and is therefore deceptive.

However, only about 10% of shopaholics are obsessive compulsive buyers. German psychiatrists Jasper and Schneider believed that this kind of neurosis was due to stress or depression. In the1900s, Emil Kraepelin called it “Oniomania.” ‘Onio’ in Latin means ‘price.’ Robert Galatzer-Levy says this disorder is caused by “ordinary pleasures of living getting out of hand.”

Shopaholism is not a disease neither is it a psychosis, as the person is never out of touch with reality. It is just a ‘faulty response to an inner conflict.’

It is sometimes known as the “Madame Bovary Syndrome,” after Madam Bovary who lived a lavish life style and indulged in compulsive spending, to overcome her boredom as a housewife and boost her self-esteem. Unfortunately it led to bankruptcy and then to suicide.

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 45

9

LIFE STYLE

WAYS TO OVERCOME SHOPAHOLISM

1

Understand the real problem and find ways to tackle it. If it involves the behaviour of husband and family, bring it to their notice so that they can change their attitude. A wise husband will willingly cooperate, as this could ease the burden on his pocket.

Understand your role as wife and home maker. It is a God-given role with in-built core competencies to fulfill that role. Take pride in it.

Find enjoyable hobbies to work off stress.

Music, gardening, painting and writing are some of the activities that can take your mind off stress.

Cultivate friends who are lively and happy people. Gloomy company should be avoided at all costs. Many organizations provide social outlets for women. They arrange for constructive activities among the sick, elderly, disabled, abandoned children or single mothers.

Engaging in social work will make your own problems seem trivial.

Take stock of the useless stuff piled up in your house and the wasteful expenditure you have incurred. Make a conscious decision to stay away from the shops. When you feel the urge, postpone it for twenty four hours, by which time it would have disappeared altogether.

Draw up a budget and stick to it.

Avoid credit cards. Pay by cash only.

Stop and think before you buy anything. Check the urge to buy for wrong reasons.

Is the item needed or not?

Work on your positive qualities. Strive for harmonious interpersonal relationships both at home and with friends.

2 3 4

5

6 7 8 9

Where there is a will to change and a determination to discipline oneself, shopaholism can be overcome. Some compulsive shoppers may benefit from a visit to the psychiatrist who will give them a nudge in the right direction. * 46 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

A faulty response to an inner conflict.

I

have three adult children and if it had to be one of them caught in the current spot\ match-fixing scandal, how would I like to respond to the situation,

TALKING POINT HARD LESSONS

When we cover up for our children’s crimes, we deprive them of the opportunity to learn how to face the consequences

My Child In

series brought out by National Geographic every night, I dread the day one of the episodes will feature a terrible crime committed by either of the

Match-fixing!?!

and more important, how would the Almighty One want me to respond to the situation?

HOW WOULD I WANT TO RESPOND?

I would cry myself hoarse before and away from the cameras saying, “My child is innocent; he or she is being framed!” I would go on saying this, long after guilt is proved and established.

HOW WOULD GOD WANT ME TO RESPOND?

To authorities: That is another matter altogether; and since I believe I have been created to please Him through my life and actions, I would follow His course. I would tell the authorities: “I am sorry this has happened to my child; but my prayer is that you will conduct a fair and impartial enquiry.”

To my child: I would send this message: “Son/daughter, f irst of all, I love you, no matter what.

I am praying that the authorities will conduct an impartial enquiry. Should the truth emerge that you have done this, I will be sad, but more than that, I want you to know that I will be with you to see it through; you will not be on your own; we will get through it together, my precious one.”

of their serious actions; we also fail society and above all we sin gravely against God. When a powerful politician’s brother-inlaw killed an innocent person in Bangalore at point blank range, the politician moved the powers that were and got the criminal out scot free. A few years later, when this same powerful man’s nephew cut his grandmother into pieces in Hyderabad and confessed to his crime, the man moved not heaven but earth and got his son out of the Hyderabad jail and overnight shipped him to US. As I sit watching ‘IN COLD BLOOD’, the fascinating new

two ‘freed’ criminals mentioned above.

To think about:

How have you reacted to this scandal?

And as a mother how have you responded to any wrongdoing your child has been caught in?

Lord, only You can give us the courage to do what is right in these difficult situations, for You know we are frail, weak and made of dust.

Please be with the families currently in the limelight.

Ingrid Albuquerque-Solomon has been in the Indian mainstream media for 40 years and been editor of several national publications including Stardust, Savvy and Bangalore Times. She has authored several books. Currently, she works for Haggai Institute International, a Leadership Institute which trains Christian professionals.

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 47

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Deceptions of Sexting

I

Sexting is using cell phones to take inappropriate sexual pictures and send them to others. The pornography industry traps young minds to create customers later in life for hardcore porn

came out of my counseling office to greet my fifthgrade patient who was seeing me for anger issues and found him playing a game called “Bubbles” on his mother’s cell phone. Trying to be friendly, I 50 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

played it with him. Immediately a pop-up at the bottom of the screen said, “Hot Babes.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Don’t touch it or Mom will take away the phone.”

“But what is it?” I asked again.

“Kids at school say it is pictures of naked people.”

“Have you ever touched it?”

“No.” “How do you turn it off?”

“You just restart the game.”

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

The industry gives kids free games for their cell phones, then uses pop-ups to lure them into seeing hardcore pornography

We stopped and continued his session, but I had just become aware of yet another danger facing our kids. The industry gives kids free games for their cell phones, then uses pop-ups to lure them into seeing hardcore pornography.

Our kids are bombarded with these constant temptations and toxic poisons that attack their innocence, development, and healthy orientation to relationships and sexuality. Those of us in contact with children need to be aware of the danger pornography causes, especially in our children.

THE PORNOGRAPHY TRAP The pornography industry traps young minds to create customers later in life for hardcore porn. It gives an extremely false image of healthy sex. It objectifies and degrades women and it’s addicting.

Once addicted, a child or adult will pay to feed that addiction. Sexual addiction is different from other addictions, in that it is an addiction of the soul.

You can take away alcohol, but you can’t take away sexuality.

THE DANGER OF SEXTING Sexting is a new word and a practice that can have grave consequences. Sexting is using cell phones to take inappropriate sexual pictures and send them to others.

This is very serious when done by minors as it causes three felonies: creating child pornography; distributing it; and accepting it. In my experience, students think it’s “no big deal.” They may think it’s just funny, but not immoral or illegal. Once shared, images on the Internet and in cyberspace forever. Sharing personal information and inappropriate pictures with friends and/ or posting on social network sites has destroyed many lives and embarrassed families.

It’s our responsibility as adults to set an example.

Open conversations with our kids can help them understand the danger of such activities. I

recommend installing filters on computers and cell phones that minors use.

GETTING RID OF POP –UPS Pops-ups are found most frequently on free applications. Often the user is given the option to purchase the game to stop the ads.

Purchasing the full version of the app is the easiest way to get rid of unwanted ads. However, some apps need more to rid users of the pop-ups. Changing the settings on your iPhone can do this. For other operating systems, anti-virus software can be found on many Internet resources sites.

Look for child-friendly games and don’t forget to read the ratings before downloading, to avoid unwanted and explicit ads.

This epidemic is worldwide and spreading rapidly.

The average age of a child’s first Internet exposure to pornography is eleven! The industry has made pornography something easily available and it’s trapping kids at an early age.

ADDRESS THE ISSUES We must do all that we can to help block pornography in the lives of our children.

Counseling can be very helpful in working through the issues of sexual addiction and immorality. Many times these addictions remain hidden.

Be open with your children, be truthful, and be an example. By addressing these issues we can keep kids, like the fifth-grade student in my office, from ever pushing the buttons that will harm their future.

Dr. Dennis G. Fredrick is the Director of Tern Christian Counseling Centre on Federal Way, WA. He is the author of “Conquering Pornography”.

Taken from “Just between Us” , Spring 13.

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 51

Dealing with angerâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;how many times do we say things we regret? Discover three ways to bring our tongue under control

Confessions of a

Quarrelsome Woman I â&#x20AC;&#x153;I was a quarrelsome, illtempered woman. Even I hated being around meâ&#x20AC;?

52 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

was in the car with my husband driving to meet our family for lunch. My husband chose a route to the restaurant that, in my opinion, took more time. I knew we had time constraints because we had to meet friends after lunch. I sat in the car fuming. After driving in this area for over twenty years, why does he still take the longest route? Do I have to do all the thinking in this family? Before long, I had whipped myself into a quarrelsome attitude because of something as inane as the driving route to a restaurant. In the meantime, my husband and children knew that

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Mom was in one of her “moods.” They didn’t know if they had caused it; they just knew to be very cautious. I had just become a “constant dripping,” and my family was living on the corner of the roof.

Proverbs graphically describes a quarrelsome woman in: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill tempered wife” “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping” It was a clear picture of who I was. I stared at these verses and remembered scenes at work or home where someone around me whispered, “She’s in one of those moods,” and I could sense they’d rather be any place else but near me. My family and friends were often walking on eggshells, afraid to say or do anything.

The verdict was in: Guilty. I was a quarrelsome, ill-tempered woman. Even I hated being around me. I cried out, “Lord, why am I like this? Help me.

Change me.”

I recognised the three culprits at work in my life: pride, discontent, and pleasure-seeking.

PRIDE

Pride was footloose and free in my heart. I wanted control. I thought I was better at deciding the route we should take. And my desire for control mushroomed into believing that I always knew better than my husband. This is a common disease among wives, even when our husbands have proven themselves to be responsible, thoughtful, and intelligent men. Why else would we have married them? Still we want to believe that we know everything.

DISCONTENT

Discontent is a sneaky one. It creeps into our thoughts without much warning. I was discontent with the route taken to a restaurant. How silly is that? Yet, it was powerful enough to ruin my family’s lunch date.

A quarrelsome woman that harbors discontent is never satisfied. She wants her husband to bring her flowers. One day he does. Oh, but they weren’t red roses. She is never satisfied. She is always craving more.

Yet the truth is that all day long we crave for more and more! Why can’t we learn to give without sparing? Why not stop thinking of what we can get and think of what we can give?

PLEASURE SEEKER

I love pleasure. Who doesn’t? Is that your goal in life? Are you constantly planning and thinking about your next vacation? Is pleasure your focus?

And if you don’t get what your heart is set on, Watch Out, World!

You didn’t get to see your favorite TV show or you didn’t get to go to the gym or have lunch. Instantly you put on your quarrelsome face and no one can stand being near you. The world owes you.

This seeking of pleasure can dangerously lead us to become a sluggard. We become lazy. We don’t feel like cleaning, cooking, teaching, studying, or going to church. We crave only pleasure and become sluggards at our responsibilities. We all have duties to perform, given to us by God in His ultimate wisdom. We are to do the work every day

I took a deep breath, and enjoyed the beautiful scenery along the way—scenery I had never noticed before!

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 53

EMOTIONAL HEALTH

CONTENTMENT

I think of contentment as coming to terms with what has been given to me. It helps me to stop fussing and craving for more, and begin to look at what you do have.

Rejoice if you have a job. Rejoice that you have a family who loves you – even when you have them living on the corner of the roof. Rejoice that you have life. Rejoice in the work given you to do – it is a privilege.

ARE YOU A QUARRELSOME WOMAN?

Rejoice that you have life.

Rejoice in the work he has given you to do — it is a privilege that is placed in our hands with an open and grateful heart.

What must i do to leave this quarrelsome woman behind?

Once I recognized I was a quarrelsome woman and these three culprits were wreaking havoc in my life,, and those of others dear to me. I determined to change and become a woman who will be pleasant to be with. God helped me focus on humility, contentment, and trust.

HUMILITY

It’s hard for me to be humble. It’s so easy to think more of ourselves than is true. How can we stay humble? I found it helpful to make a list of the things I am blessed with. When I consider the magnitude of all God’s blessings in my life, I feel humbled. This same list can be written about the key people in our lives. When I look at the blessings these people bring to my life, I have a quick attitude change.

54 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

Are you content or complaining?

Are you rejoicing or miserable?

Are you trusting or maneuvering?

Are you giving or craving more?

Are you busy serving others or seeking your own pleasure?

Decide today what kind of woman you want to be. Then take the necessary steps to become that kind of woman who spreads joy all around.

The next time my husband took the long way to a destination, I took a deep breath, and enjoyed the beautiful scenery along the way – scenery I had never noticed before! I chose not to be in control of every little thing and accepted the freedom of not making every little decision. What a difference it made!

We are to do the work every day that is placed in our hands with an open and grateful heart Vashti Reyes Acosta serves as both a teacher and assistant superintendent of Sunday school at her church in New York, NY. Additionally, she is a retreat and conference speaker. Vashti is the wife of a New York State Supreme Court Justice and mother of two.

RELATIONSHIP

Painting by MAY MAR, All My Children

Safe Under Her Wings

Because she had been willing to die, those under the cover of her wings would live...

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fter a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park, forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno’s damage. One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree.

Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick. When he struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother’s wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of

impending disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise. She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her babies. When the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body, the mother had remained steadfast. Because she had been willing to die, those under the cover of her wings would live...

—Author Unknown VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 55

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Children Are Tomorrow’s People

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e hold the future in our hands because our children are tomorrow’s people.

If we were allowed to bequeath only one quality – just one attribute – to our children, I wonder which we would choose?

What would we consider to be the quintessence of goodness that is of the utmost importance for the human being to possess?

Would we choose patience, the mother of all 56 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

virtues, compassion for fellow-creatures, or perhaps integrity, endurance, perseverance, farsightedness?

It’s a hard choice, but of course, such a choice would be totally unnecessary, wouldn’t it? For all we have to do is to instill in our children love for God and their neighbour, and all else will follow. As a matter of fact, the sooner we do this the better for our children and for the world. Is there any reason why we shouldn’t begin now?

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The seconds are ticking away.

Our children are the ones who will step into the new world of tomorrow to inherit it. What a sobering thought. Someone once defined a schoolroom as ‘four walls with tomorrow inside’. It is an apt description. Our children are indeed our future.

So what have we done for their lasting peace and happiness?

What have we given them that they can live for and cling to that will keep them going in the face of all the odds against them?

What a mysterious person a baby is, like a present wrapped up and hidden away until Christmas morning! Can words adequately describe a newborn infant? Soft as a rose petal, sweet as honey, a masterpiece pointing to a source beyond her parents. As surely as the fresh mountain stream springs from the deep, dark core of the rock, this miniature was born in the heart of God! If anything could match the pristine purity and wonder that is an infant, is it not the wonder and innocence in his eyes?

What do we do with them?

How soon before they become shop-soiled? The spoiled cake can be thrown away and a new one made, but a child will bear the consequences of our mishandling for life.

A well-known story tells of a prisoner about to be executed.

He was asked if he wished to see his mother. ‘No,’ he said. ‘If she had taught me right, I wouldn’t be here.’ Harsh words, but perhaps true. When they are grown and

is finished? Will they be the crucial bits?

A survey conducted in a certain country revealed that what children feared most was not nuclear war or natural calamities, but the breakup of their homes.

If only parents would remember that children do not ask to be born. And their needs are simple – the most important one being love from both parents. Is it not mature, the things we taught them worth forsaking differences and will be there for them even when living in peace, for the sake of the we are gone. Have we taught our child?

Are we expecting too much children the right things? from our children? Is it not really A child is a child for such a short time. Seldom do parents wake our ego that hurts when our up to the fact before it’s too late. children fail an exam? If we do Whatever had to be done or said not accept their failures, how can was postponed to a tomorrow that we expect them to do so?

Why are we so examinationnever came. ‘The work will wait,’ Sometimes one says Patricia Clafford, ‘while you oriented? show the child the rainbow, but wonders if our system of the rainbow won’t wait while you education is helping the children to be educated and prepared to do the work.’

My mummy does not love me lead useful lives, or whether it any more,’ wrote Suresh in his is merely a device by which the composition. ‘She loves only my unfit are weeded out? From baby sister. She does not kiss me what frame of reference are or hug me tight as she used to we looking at success? Are before. I wish I could be a baby we conforming too much to once again, then my mother will the standards of our society? . love me again.’

When a child falls and cuts his knee, how quickly we wash and Someone dress the wound with soothing once defined antiseptic ointments. But when his tender young heart is broken, a classroom we hardly notice it! Sometimes as four walls we offer him a lollipop or a sweet with tomorrow to make up for what was absent inside and the warmth of love that was needed. How many jigsaw bits will be missing when the picture

The spoiled cake can be thrown away and a new one made, but a child will bear the consequences of our mishandling for life

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 57

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Sometimes one wonders if our system of education is merely a device by which the unfit are weeded out?

THE HIDDEN DIMENSION

A wise old lady who is wellread and keenly interested in current affairs has this to say, ‘The trouble with the world today is that people have forgotten that there is a spiritual dimension to life.’ Put in a nutshell, this is what the matter is, and we can see it all around us.

Materialism has become so prevalent that matters of faith, the deeper truths of life and the reality of God have been totally neglected and even ignored.

Integrity and honesty have made their exit. People have begun to live as if there is no tomorrow, nothing beyond the grave and no one to whom they must answer.

A short digression...

No one will dispute that good and evil are realities (why else are there good people and bad people, justice and injustice?). Even a person with no religious conviction would be able to see for himself that there are powers of good and evil. And a power that is not of human origin has to be from the spiritual realm.

I mention it only to stress that if children are not pointed in the right direction, they can so easily go in the wrong one, and fall into the snares of destructive 58 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

habits. Hence, influencing the young from an early age is very important.

A child comes into the world with a clean slate. Is it too much to ask that we fill it with so much good that there is absolutely no room for evil? And may we, as elders, become their models and examples to follow.

Manorama Ratnakar, a former school teacher, is a homemaker and a freelance writer. Excerpted from Raising Children God’s Way, authored by Juliet Thomas and published by OM Books, Hyderabad.

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‘Invisible’ Mothers: This May Be Just For U With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees

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t all begins to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’ Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible – the invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! ‘Can you fix this?’ ‘Can you tie this?’ ‘Can you open this?’ Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’ Some days I’m a crystal ball: ‘Where’s my other sock?’

‘Where’s my phone?’ ‘What’s for dinner?’

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I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature – but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going—she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others, all put together so well. They were successful women. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty insignificant, when the traveler turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, “I brought you this.” It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.

In the days ahead I would read — no, devour — the book. And I would discover, what would become for me, few life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1. No one can say who built the great cathedrals— we have few records of their names.

2. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they might never see finished.

3. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

4. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

One day the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers like us

THE LEGEND...

A legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built.

He saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam.

He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.”

The workman replied, “Because God sees.”

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over.

‘You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’

I keep the right perspective when I choose to see myself as a great builder— someone who has significance ­­ — as one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that only few cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

Anonymous VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 61

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How can those who raised the man you love make you so crazy?

Deciding To Love­— Yes, Even Our In-laws

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onsider that they have known him his whole life. They don’t know you like he does. They might fear being replaced. You crave approval. There are few relationships fraught with as much potential for misunderstanding and missteps. But these relationships are also full of potential.

Someone once told me that deciding to love each day, no matter how you are loved in return, is powerful and life-changing. It may be the best piece of advice I ever received. To love is indeed a decision, not a 62 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

“switch” we wait for others or circumstances to turn on inside us. Some days when we’re hanging on by a thread, we even have to choose to love our kids!

Some women, myself included, have in-laws who are easy to love. (We despise those cheap in-law jokes). They are eager to be a part of our lives in great, constructive ways.

Whatever situation you have, it’s likely that at the root of that relationship is a desire for approval. We want them to approve of their son’s choice, and our parenting, and maybe even our

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housekeeping or cooking. I sure yearned for that support every visit, every phone call, for long.

If I’m honest with myself, I still do. Maybe not approval anymore, but encouragement? You bet.

The chaotic truth of raising kids has taught me that our feelings of worth cannot be tied up in others’ opinions of us. It’s also shown me that we all want to be accepted. But you can’t expect something you’re not willing to give others.

One mother of three reflects what I hear so often: “I wasted a lot of time and energy being bitter. My mother-in-law was pretty critical

Deciding to love each day, no matter how you are loved in return, is powerful and life-changing of everything I did. And that hurt. But when I decided to just accept who she was and look at her with love – no matter what was looking back – I started to see what I thought was criticism much differently. Our relationship changed.”

HERE ARE SOME MORE THOUGHTS ON IMPROVING OR MAINTAINING THESE UNIQUE RELATIONSHIPS: SPEAK TRUTH. About your own shortcomings, your desire to fit in, how you were raised. Gently opening yourself up may help you be better understood.

KEEP PERSPECTIVE. One friend was frustrated that her mother-in-law didn’t seem to notice all that she did, just what she didn’t do, like noticing the empty box of Bandaids. She’s the first to tell you: Let it go!

BE CAREFUL NOT TO JUDGE the way his family does something. Different isn’t necessarily bad, it’s just different.

LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOWS. Getting to know your in-laws will continually pave the way to better understanding your man and what has influenced him over the years.

PRAY FOR MATURITY AND WISDOM in your actions and words. Both make all relationships better. For those relationships that seem particularly hopeless, continue to hope. And pray.

MAKE A PACT OF RESPECT with your spouse about discussing parents. There is never a shortage of in-law conversation around our tables. Make sure gossipy venting isn’t happening in your circles.

REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE MARRIED SOMEONE’S BABY. Imagine how it will feel when someone marries yours. Practicing the decision to love now will most certainly impact you later.

Susan Besze Wallace is the editor of the MOPS 2012 devotional ‘Always There: Reflections for Moms on God’s Presence’. She is enormously grateful to her in-laws for the gift of their son, and for loving them and their three boys so very, very well.

VASHTI WOMAN I July - August 2013 I 63

Creches, day-schools or nanny at home, are no substitute for a mother’s love

A Mother’s Love

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n olden times there ruled a great and powerful king, whose name was Solomon.

Upon succeeding to the throne, Solomon had been filled with awe at the mightiness of the task before him, prayed, not for wealth and fame- but for wisdom to govern justly.

“For,” he said, “I am but a little child, and how should I discern between right and wrong?”

His wish was granted and, above and beyond his wealth and honor, Solomon came to be known as the wisest man in all the earth! Though he faced many challenges, he ruled wisely and well!

Here is the story of two mothers who claimed the same child as their own. How would King Solomon resolve the problem? What was his wise ruling?

One day two women came before the King. They carried with them a little baby, which was set down on the floor, at the foot of Solomon’s throne “O my lord,” said one of the women, “five days ago I gave birth 64 I July - August 2013 I VASHTI WOMAN

to a child. This woman and I live in the same house, and three days later, she also gave birth, but that same night her child died. At midnight she arose and, while I was sleeping, took my son away from me, and laid her dead child in its place. When I awoke in the morning I thought at first that my son was dead, until I realised that it was not my child.”

“No,” interrupted the second woman, “she lies, my lord, she lies!

The living child is mine and the dead is hers!”

“No,” cried the first woman, wildly. “No, the dead child is yours, and the living child is mine.”

King Solomon raised his hand for silence.

“One of you says ‘my child lives and yours is dead ’, and the other says ‘your child is dead and my child lives’: there is a simple way to resolve the matter. Bring me a sword.”

A sword was brought, and the assembly waited with bated breath, to see how the King would proceed.

“Very well,” he said, “ cut the

child in two, and give half to one mother, and half to the other.”

The first woman turned pale.

The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! But don’t kill him!”

But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!”

Then the king gave his ruling: “Give the living baby to the first woman The child belongs to her.

Do not kill him; she is his mother.”

We need to recognise, however, that many women, pressed between career and family, have been obliged to give more and more time to work at the expense of time and care for the family! Creches, day schools or nanny at home, are no substitute for a mother's love. Is it any wonder that these children grow up without that inner strength and stability to face crises. Teen-suicides are rising at an alarming rate! Who is to blame?

Mothers, let us remember that children are a sacred trust for us to nurture and train lovingly so that they can build a strong India!

To enable the younger generation to do this, may our national leaders desire and pray for wisdom, so that they can rule our people with great righteousness and justice!

What an awesome responsibility!

Juliet Thomas