Dear Rescue Ranger

Dear Rescue Ranger, I had some financial troubles in 2023 and I am sure glad that year is over.

Broke in Bristol

Dear Tim,

You think you had troubles, yesterday I checked my account balance at the ATM and it printed me a coupon for Ramen Noodles.

Dear Rescue Ranger, I sure do enjoy reading your column. I cannot say I understand all of the questions and your answers but it is sure interesting.

BB

Dear Bubby,

Those who like my letters are happier, more intelligent and better-looking than those who don’t; according to a study I made up.

Dear Rescue Ranger,

Looking forward to a great year in 2024. Might lose a little weight, exercise so I feel younger and enjoy life with friends and family. Any New Year’s Resolutions you want to share?

Same Old Stuff

Dear John III,

I've decided I’m going to avoid everything that makes me fat: pictures, mirrors, scales…We all know mirrors don’t lie...I’m just grateful that they don’t laugh! And, wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for a short period of time and come out wrinkle free and two sizes smaller.

Also, not to brag, but I just got hired as a fitness model. They hired me for the “Before” picture. By the way, I wanted to share that I just saw 3 people jogging outside and it inspired me to get up and close the blinds.

Another little ditty. I named my dog “5 Miles” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Dear Rescue Ranger, I sure do miss you. Your wisdom has been a radiate beam for my life. Please continue giving advice, I learn so much from you.

BB

Dear Brian,

Well thanks. One bit of advise I give to you is to always get a second opinion when making life choices for example I went to the grocery store today and the cashier said my total was $208.47….I wanted a second opinion so I went to the self checkout and my new total was $43.20. One more: Think of a number between 1 & 20, double it, take away one. Now close your eyes. It’s dark isn’t it?

Dear Rescue Ranger,

Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen. She sprayed everything down and cleaned it thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Your Friend DE

Dear Doug,

I know we both realize that being a Trophy Husband is exhausting. This year I plan to be more decisive...the road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

Dear Rescue Ranger,

You know sometimes, not all of the time, we get back from a call and have to run right back out to another. We eat on the run, have little time to go to the gym, forget things, every part of our body hurts and we generally feel stressed most of the time.

Any advice?

Your Friend and Fellow Rescue Fanatic

Dear Andy,

Get a hold on yourself! In the span of 20 years, 114 people have died in weight lifting accidents at the gym. In the same 20 years, only 1 man died while eating a donut. Life is about the choices we make.

Educate yourself

Don’t worry about your memory, I am not bragging but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Also, you have heard others say pain let’s you know you’re alive. I feel so alive right now!

Stress, not me. I know life is short, so I smile while I still have teeth.

It is said that exercise can add more years to your life. I just ran a mile and already feel like I’m 82.

Dear Rescue Ranger, My body creaks so much that my doctor wrote me a prescription for WD-40. Broke and Broken

Dear Kathy,

Your body is just like a computer. Sometimes you just have to hit Control-Alt-Delete:

Control Yourself - Alter Your Thinking - Delete Negativity