dying From The inside - Peighton Young

POETRY FIRST PLACE The Little I’ve Learned

(After Aja Monet) by Saidu Tejan-Thomas, Jr.

I know grey clouds move in at night and I feel most alone in the dark I know the moon is the loneliest thing in the sky I know I learn best from observing

I know elementary school and neglectful teachers I know how to make do with what I have; how construction paper can double as a blade how I called my first attempt at ending it, a paper cut I know white girls with maize hair and bright skin who taught me my dark was bad, but I know the afro is strong and black skin is far from brittle I know “Black don’t crack” I can’t remember where I heard that

I know today my friends and I are a little different, and some see women as food, I learned about rape culture from a collection of stardust disguised as human who occasionally identifies as a Boi I know gender, bodies, vaginas, and penises don’t define you. I know we are all temporary beings ready to see who will cry when we leave I know dust is where we came from and it’s where we will return I know somewhere in Sierra Leone is a grave holding the dust of children, I know they are my family I know rebels who gave guns to those children to kill for diamonds I know there must be a mine somewhere in Chicago the way them boys kill each other I know this country kills cultures and calls it assimilation I find it hard to remember home some days And the closest I’ve gotten is saying my name in the mirror the right way I know I’ve shelved my country