Being vegan: dealing with family and friends Whereas vegetarianism is now no longer regarded as a particularly unusual or controversial diet choice, veganism is, for a variety of reasons, still perceived by many to be unhealthy and or fanatical.i Dr Karen Morgan
www.vegatopia.org
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s vegans, we tend to get used to dealing with the lack of understanding, poor catering options and general levels of scepticism with which we are confronted. Many of us develop coping strategies through ensuring that we are comparatively well informed about nutrition, links between food production and the environment, global food security and – to a far greater extent than the average meat-eater, it seems – about ‘livestock’ farming and the production of meat and dairy.
Although the fact remains that however much we might wish otherwise, vegans are currently a minority in a society which sees the exploitation and consumption of other animals as the norm. As a consequence, we are expected to ‘fit in’ and have to deal with a variety of social implications of our diet and lifestyle choice. TELLING THE PARENTS One of the first issues many of us have to face when becoming vegan, is telling our family and friends. This can be especially difficult for young people still living at home with their parents. In the late 1980s, research conducted in the United States by Paul Amato and Sheila Partridge suggested that often when children in an omnivorous household decide to stop eating meat, parents do everything they can to persuade them to start eating it again.ii Unsurprisingly, such parental pressure often succeeds and the child gives in. However, even for adults who have long-since left the parental
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home, concern and disapproval from meat-eating family and friends can still be an issue when converting to veganism. More recent research in the UK by Alan Beardsworth and Teresa Keil echoed the Amato and Partridge findings.iii Whereas some family and friends could, of course, be extremely supportive, in other cases new vegan converts of any age faced extreme disapproval leading to serious tension and even the breakdown of relationships.iv Such familial displeasure is often the result of a lack of understanding coupled with a genuine concern for the wellbeing of loved ones. A belief that meat – or at the very least, dairy products – are essential for good health is manifest in the attitude that veganism is ‘a step too far’. Still, if this were the only issue, it would be overcome fairly easily. There is ample evidence to demonstrate that a balanced vegan diet is at least as healthy as any other diet, and that a plant-based diet ‘has many advantages over conventional diets and cannot be bettered for human health’.v The fact is, though, that when a member of an otherwise meat-eating family becomes vegan, it may be seen as a rebuff to the rest of the family.vi So many of our family and social traditions are set around significant or celebratory meals, which are in turn centred around meat dishes (for example, Sunday lunch or Christmas dinner). Refusing to partake in these meals may be seen as a rejection of family values. For those brought up to believe that a meal is not a meal without the ubiquitous meat, the idea of serving a different kind of food, can be extremely hard to accept.
The beliefs that, firstly, meat is essential for strength and energy (especially for boys and men) and secondly, that it is a sign of conspicuous wealth – an indication that, for example, parents are in a position to provide for and feed their families can exacerbate the general disapproval. Whatever the reasons, for many vegans, this lack of familial support can itself be hurtful and can make the whole issue difficult or even impossible to discuss.vii FINDING A SOLUTION However, such initial difficulties do not have to persist. As committed, enthusiastic vegans, it can be tricky to maintain a balance between ensuring that family and friends understand our conviction that it is wrong to eat meat and dairy whilst avoiding becoming involved in constant arguments which rarely seem to serve our cause much good. Therefore, when dealing with significant others, it becomes necessary to establish systems which, as far as possible, everyone can live with. This might mean, for example, regularly providing vegan meals for meat-eating family and friends and/or it might mean asking people not to bring meat or dairy products into your home (if you have a home of your own). Such ‘bottom-line’ decisions have to be personal conclusions, depending on individual circumstances but the important point is that they should be clearly communicated so that everyone understands what is and what is not acceptable within your ethical boundaries.viii
Perhaps the most constructive advice for dealing with people around you comes from Bob and Jenna Torres in their book Vegan Freak who recommend being ‘secure in your veganism’.ix Being confident and well-informed regarding vegan issues including ethical, environmental and health reasons for becoming vegan can go a long way towards convincing others. Whether or not this security is sufficient to actually persuade
those around you to choose a vegan lifestyle as well, it can serve to reassure concerned and formerly illadvised family and friends that you know what you’re talking about and that your convictions are grounded in sound arguments. In addition, such security is good for your own wellbeing in that it can help to promote a personal peace of mind – and as the Torres’ say ‘[o]ne of the best advertisements for veganism is happy vegans’.x
i See for example, Cole, M. and Morgan, K. (2009), “….a faddish, fanatical diet cult.” Anti-vegan bias in UK newspapers, The Vegan, (Summer 2009), pp.9-10. ii Amato, P. A. and Partridge, S. A. (1989), The New Vegetarians: Promoting Health and Protecting Life, London: Plenum Press. iii Beardsworth, A. and Keil, T. (1997), Sociology on the Menu: an invitation to the study of food and society, London: Routledge. iv Ibid. p.235. v Walsh, S. PhD., (2003), Plant Based Nutrition and Health, St Leonards-on-Sea, East Sussex: The Vegan Society, p.12 vi Amato, P. A. and Partridge, S. A. op cit. vii See McDonald, B. (2000), ‘“Once You Know Something, You Can’t Not Know It”: An Empirical Look at Becoming Vegan’ in Society and Animals Vol 8, Issue 1, pp.1-23. viii See Adams, C. J. (2003), Living Among Meat Eaters: The Vegetarian’s Survival Handbook, London: Continuum, for some useful tips on dealing with non-vegans. ix Torres, B. and Torres, J. (2005), Vegan Freak: Being vegan in a non-vegan world, Colton, New York: Tofu Hound Press. p.68. x Ibid.
SUPPORT FROM THE VEGAN SOCIETY There are many ways we can help - look at our Web site, or email, phone or write to learn more ... Want to be vegan? Try our Vegan Pledge: http://www.vegansociety.com/veganpledge/ (vegan mentors also needed) Tricky questions? Helpful answers: http://www.vegansociety.com/uploadedFiles/About_ The_Society/Publications/The_Vegan_magazine/Feat ure_Articles/Tricky%20Questions.pdf and our Vegan FAQ http://www.vegansociety.com/resources/FAQs.aspx Feeling lonely? Vegans near you: http://www.vegansociety.com/about/local-contacts.aspx Frustrated? Get active: http://www.vegansociety.com/resources/get-active.aspx Want good news? Subscribe to our quarterly magazine: http://www.vegansociety.com/about/publications/ve gan-magazine/ Want to actively support all our work? Become a Member: http://www.vegansociety.com/membership.aspx
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