Tuesday's Children Mentors Make a Difference

After an act of terrorism, or when a family loses someone in the military, the surviving family members often receive a considerable amount of assistance for their immediate needs. While this is certainly important, of equal priority is long-term support. These families have needs and obstacles, a year, two years and many years later that need to be addressed. Long-term support focuses on the needs that arise after traumatic loss becomes a reality and when the focus shifts from grief to resilience and moving forward. This is where Tuesday’s Children comes in.

Tuesday’s Children was founded to address these long-term needs and is the leading nonprofit providing resilience-based support to communities and people impacted by terrorism and traumatic loss.

The organization uses a long-term-healing model to assist children, parents and communities in their efforts to move forward in the post-loss journey. These services include trauma and grief support, mental health programs, skills building workshops, career resources, youth leadership development, community and family events, health and wellness programs, adult and family initiatives and volunteerism opportunities. These programs were developed in an effort to help those who were affected by traumatic loss reach their full potential and move forward with their lives.

One of the cornerstones of Tuesday’s Children is mentoring the children of families who have suffered a loss and providing them with an adult role model who is in their corner. A mentor is not a parent

but rather a good listener with whom the child can share some of their challenges as well as celebrate their triumphs. The mentor can help their mentee set realistic and attainable goals and model successful behaviors as well as being someone with whom to have fun. A solo, often grieving parent can’t always take on all those roles. A mentor is never a tutor, parent or therapist; they are an adult who is there to support the child and be a productive and positive force in the child’s life.

At Tuesday’s Children, mentors are asked to commit to a minimum of one year and meet with their mentee at least twice a month for a few hours at time. If a child wants a mentor, they are matched with an adult of the same gender and volunteers are rigorously screened and trained. Mentors understand these children have experienced a traumatic loss and that they must be a regular presence in their mentee’s life and someone whom the child can count on. Mentors build longterm relationships with the children and watch them graduate high school, go to college and reach other milestones in their lives. “To empower a dedicated adult role model to do nothing more than show up twice a month for three or four hours at a time is a tremendous gift not only for the child but also for the volunteer, and it’s a weight lifted off the shoulders of the solo parent,” said Sara Wingerath-Schlanger, senior director of mentoring at Tuesday’s Children.

Oftentimes mentors have experienced a loss as well and facilitate their own healing by giving back and helping a child who is struggling to make sense of what happened to their parent. “Grief is its own language and there is an unspoken understanding that presents itself,” said Wingerath-Schlanger.

While the mentoring program was originally designed for the children of the victims of 9/11, the program quickly expanded out of need to include all children who suffered a loss due to acts of terror. Recently, in part thanks to a grant from the NFL, the program expanded even further to include children in military families.”

“A Gold-Star Family is a family that has lost someone in the military who was killed in action or training, said Wingerath–Schlanger. “We have expanded this definition to include families who have lost someone in the military to suicide or accident. Regardless of the

circumstances of the loss, these families still need support and the children still benefit from mentors.”

Currently, the mentoring program is primarily serving families in the Northeast, but the need for services is nationwide. Many military families’ lives are in flux and they do not live in one location for an extended period of time. Perhaps the surviving parent is still actively deployed, or they currently live on a base but will be relocating. Those who serve in the military may not have the means to live in a larger city where the volunteer network already exists and finding a consistent face-to-face mentor for a child can be challenging. E-mentoring through a secure platform and with the same rigorous screening and support standards may present a solution and is something Tuesday’s Children plans to pursue in the near future.

Tuesday’s Children is also looking for effective ways to bring programs to areas where there is a large saturation of families of the fallen. The organization is planning to open a facility in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in partnership with the Fort Bragg community. Within the next five years, Tuesday’s Children plans to open other facilities in California and Texas.

“Being a mentor is a chance to make a profound difference in the life of a child who is at a crossroad in their life,” said Wingerath–Schlanger. “We have seen time and time again how mentors can point a child in the right direction and help them overcome obstacles and go on to lead successful and happy lives.” ¨

There are many children waiting for mentors and Tuesday’s Children welcomes support. For more information, please go to www.TuesdaysChildren.org to see how you can help.