Vida - Marina Alta Christmas Edition by Andrew Kings

Marina Alta

Christmas Edition 2009

Vida

Elaine and Dave Welcome you to Cafe Cortado where you will find a very relaxing atmosphere that is enjoyed by expats and Spanish alike. You will also find a great selection of Davidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s homemade meals that our Ed highly recommends.

Situated on C/ Joan Fuster just behind the sports centre in Javea port. Easy parking, sun terrace and wheelchair access. Spanish Language Clubs run mornings and evenings for just 5â&#x201A;Ź per one hour lesson. Ask Elaine for details.

These content pages are fully interactive just click on the header and it will take you directly to the page. To get back to the contents page you will see a button on the top of every right hand page just click and you will return to contents. Back to Contents

Vida CLICK TO GO TO WELCOME PAGE

Welcome to the very first edition of MARINA ALTA VIDA

more information and photographs.

This is the first online publication that is dedicated to the people and businesses that reside here in this beautiful part of the Costa Blanca.

This innovative approach has been designed for two reasons - first, you our readers need to find out far more than just name, address and contact details. In our compendium you will be able to read far more about the company and the work they do. Secondly, it means our advertisers can use photos to help catch your eye. Now thats far better for both than just having the same old boring listed details or little boxed adverts.

Our mission is very simple, to bring together in these very difficult times the expats and businesses that have made this their home. Things are difficult at the moment but for those of us that have lived through this type of recession before, we now that for us all to servive we need to support each other and it has to be in a cost effective way. So here at MARINA ALTA VIDA we have made a conscious effort to help those businesses that are our communities backbone survive with us. MARINA ALTA VIDA is a two part publication; First is our lifestyle magazine which you will always find at the beginning, it is full of featured articles on many subjects which we hope you will find entertaining and inspirational.

We are able to do this because we are not a print publication so, no print costs, no distribution costs and no evironmental issues with tons of discarded magazines going into landfill. All this means that our advertising rates are far more affordable to every business. We hope you enjoy our publication and support us by keep coming back month after month

Health And Beauty More and more people are health-conscious these days, in one way or another, than ever before. People take vitamin supplements. They exercise. They buy organic foods and watch what they eat. It seems strange, then, as we become more aware of the importance ofour taking good care of bodies, that we so little attention topay the largest organ of our bodies, our skin. Our skin is magnificent and complex. It protects our muscles, nerves, bones and nervous system. It regulates our temperature, provides us sensations of pleasure, warnings of danger through pain. It protects us from infection and

Towns and Villages we serve Javea, Calpe, Peñon, Adsubia, Alcalalí, Beniarbeig, Benidoleig, Benigembla, Benimeli, Benissa, Benitachell, Dénia, Gata de Gorgos, Jalón, Murla, Moraira, Oliva, Ondara, Parcent, Pedreguer, Pego, Els Poblets, Sagra, Senija, Teulada, Tormos, La Vall d'Alcalà, Vall d’Ebo, Vall de Gallinera, Vergel.

Skin Deep disease, heals itself swiftly, and adapts well to the many changes of environment that we put it through. It's at work constantly. It provides us and others with a good portion of our sense of attraction.

Before using daily skin care

We look at each other's skin all the time, every day - and yet most of us pay nearly no mind to its well-being. Skin protects us from a vast number of potential problems. The sun, rain and wind, gravity, chemical agents, environmental pollu-

CLICK TO GO TO HEALTH AND BEAUTY

After using daily skin care

Choose a real tree for Christmas this year The practice of putting up special decorations at Christmas has a long history: from pre-Christian times, evergreen plants have been brought indoors throughout the Roman Empire.

CLICK TO GO TO CHOOSE A REAL CHRISTMAS TREE THIS YEAR

In the fifteenth century it is recorded that in London it was the custom at Christmas for every house and all the parish churches to be ‘decked with holly, ivy, bays, and whatsoever the season of the year afforded to be green’. The heart shaped leaves of ivy were said to symbolise the coming to earth of Jesus, while holly was seen as protection against pagans and witches, its thorns and red berries held to represent the Crown of Thorns worn by Jesus at the crucifixion. Nativity scenes are known from 10th century Rome, and so, many different types of decorations developed across the Christian world, dependant on local tradition and available resources. The first commercially produced decorations appeared in

Decorating the tree

Germany in the 1860s, inspired by the paper chains made by children. Each year, 33 to 36 million Christmas trees are produced in America, and 50 to 60 million are produced in Europe. We love the significance, ambiance, and scent of the traditional fir in our home, so let’s find out how to decorate our tree the right way with the following 8 steps:

1. Spot to Display Your Tree

Choose a

When you're ready to set your tree up, pick a low-traffic spot away from fireplaces and heaters, and then anchor the tree with nylon thread tied around the trunk and through screw hooks fastened to the wall. Safety first!

2. Stand in a

Place Tree Watertight

Planter The effect is tailored look; it also creates extra room for presents. To pot

This tree uses just a simple decoration of white lights which is made even more effective by the addition of real fir cones.

ments, and lush fabrics, as well as precise and flattering cut, her latest collection really showed a sense of glamour, fantasy, fun, and what makes a woman smile.

Pamella Roland channels her artistic appreciation and creativity into all of her collections, designing for confident women with exceptional taste, along the lines of Katharine Hepburn. Her focus is to create clothes that allow women to be comfortable yet totally elegant.

Her inspirations were drawn from bright floral combinations, clean white landscapes, and New York at night. These themes were translated into special fabrics and embroideries, and the colours included dazzling orange, poppy red, peony, yellow dahlia, honeydew green, gold, copper, and oversized floral prints, all shades readily transferable from the New York catwalk to the Spanish sunshine.

Incorporating exquisite colour palettes, luxurious embellish-

Fabrics included silk wool, chiffon, Lurex, tweed, stretch

CLICK TO GO TO FASHION

Walking the Sierra Burnia

A day out How to get there: Drive on the CV750 to Jalon (Xalo). On the southern side of Jalon, you find the Cepsa gasolin station. Take the narrow asphalt road, Camino Cementerio, that runs uphill from the corner of the gasolin station. Drive one kilometer to a T-junction, and turn left on the CV-749. Drive 11.5 km on the CV749, past the restaurant Bon Vent and Bar Restaurant Serra Bernia on your left, until you see a large information board on the route on your right, some 200 meters after the Bar Restaurant Serra Bernia. (Roadmap of Marina Alta)

CLICK TO GO TO A DAY OUT BERNIA MOUNTAINS

Distance: 3h10min/8km By the information board (610m), take the track that turns southwest to the fortress of Bernia (Fort de Bérnia). In early spring the blossoming almond trees give a pink hue to the landscape. If you want to spot marine fossiles, take a path to the right, when the track curves left uphill by a pine forest. You can see the quarry on the other side of the vineyard. Besides fossiles, you find also geologically interesting mineral aggregates and rocks. It takes a couple of minutes to walk to the quarry.

nice view to the mountain of Ferrer before turning into a path (30min) (740m), which ascends gently to a saddle (45min) (820m), where you can climb up a big rock for better views, if you have a head for hights. The highest peak of Bernia with its 1126 meters is clearly visible from the saddle. From the saddle the path slopes to remains of the fortress (47min), composed of a number of archs and some buildings. The history and structure of the fortress are well presented in a number of boards you can find in different parts of the field. The peaks of Ponoch and Puig Campana rise in the South.

Also further up, it is easy to stray from the right path to one of the narrow paths market with red arrows. If you lose the well beaten path, look down for the white and yellow waymarks and a tall tree. Throughout the walk along the stony path on the southern side of Bernia you have fine views down over the valley and the east coast. The mountains of Ponoch and Puig Campana line the valley in the South. When you reach a cave (2h) (850m), go in, and crawl through a short tunnel (some 20 meters) to the northern side of Bernia. Vast areas of Marina Alta open up before you. You will enjoy views over the towns of Denia,

Moraira, Teulada and Benissa, and to the mountains of Montgo and Ferrer. Down in the valley you see the group of houses called Cases de Bernia. Vegetation on the northern side is more lush. Moist walls are covered with various climbing plants. The path dips down to fountain of Bernia (3h) (600m). At the fountain, a narrow unpaved road curves left. You have a nice view to the mountain of Olta on your way back to the parking place (3h10min).

By the fortress, you have signposts to Casa Mengual and Fonts de Algar. Take the path for Fonts de Algar PRV 7. On your left rises the crest of Bernia. From now on, it is important to pay attention to the white-yellow waymarks. First you descend to an altitude of 760 meters (1h), but then you start climbing upwards. Do not go all the way down to the houses you see below. When you see waymarks to both uphill and downhill, go uphill.

The track to the fortress opens up a

Soak up the most incredible views 40

The all electric Gullwing

CLICK TO GO TO MERCEDES BENZ GULLWING

Vida Casa Marina Alta

house and home lifestyles

CLICK TO GO TO VIDA CASA

Restaurant Review - TAPINDO

At last something different! Tapindo, an Indonesian take-away restaurant, is a great little find. Having opened in mid-2008 it has taken a while for the take-away concept to have worked here – traditionally Take-away restaurants have struggled to compete with the very

cheap Menu del Dia offers – but at last Tapindo has triumphed! We have eaten there sporadically since they opened and now we increasingly use them to vary our nights out. Sometimes we go to Tapindo early evening on our way out to a bar for drinks with friends, we choose our lovely meal and put it in the car boot,

do our socialising, then go home for a great meal easily heated up either in the oven or the microwave. The food itself is just delicious and although you may have the idea that all Asian food is hot and spicy and so not to everybody’s taste, Tapindo have thought of that. All their food is prepared gently but perfectly spiced and after that you can go as hot as you like by adding more flavours with their powerful chillibased sauces. Flavours of the dishes are all very different and individual and it’s hard to choose but last time I had the Pescado Bali, fish cooked in lemongrass and spices (fab!), with green beans (Judias Sambal) positively pulsating with ginger and garlic with plain white rice all topped with their signature Huevo Sambal -half a boiled egg with sambal garnish.

My partner had the Gambas Goreng (prawns with garlic and lime leaves) and Arroz Koening (delicately coconut flavoured rice). A very big portion of food and it was actually hard to eat all of it and for just €5.95 each. If you want more there are lots of interesting starters and side dishes you can select from. Unusually for this area, vegetarians are well catered for and not just as an afterthought. Dishes using tofu and tempeh are always available as are an excellent variety of vegetable side dishes, rice and noodles. If you want, by the way, you can sit

CLICK TO GO TO RESTAURANT REVIEW

outside at Tapindo at the tables on the sidewalk, so you don’t have to takeaway if you don’t want to. But I do urge you to go there and sample the culinary delights that the guys from Tapindo have brought to the Marina Alta. Don’t miss Tapindo! YOU CAN FIND TAPINDO IN JAVEA ON THE SLIP ROAD NEXT TO THE CABO LA NAO ROAD, BEFORE THE FIRST CAM BANK TRAFFIC LIGHT NEXT TO THE YORKSHIRE LINEN COMPANY. Easy access, ample parking, Central location. Open 7 days a week, Mon-Sat 11am10pm, Sun 12pm-8pm http://www.tapindo.com - Click

XABIA CINEMA

Click to see what is on this week at the cinema

The Twilight Saga: New Moon Director: Chris Weitz Stars: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner Studio: Summit Entertainment

CLICK TO GO TO WHATS ON AT THE CINEMA

The Plot: When Bella's blood is shed at her birthday celebration, Edward's intense reaction to the event causes his parents to pull up stakes and leave Forks, Washington for the sake of the young lovers. Heartbroken, Bella finds a form of comfort in reckless living, as well as an even-closer friendship with Jacob Black (Lautner). Danger in different forms awaits. THE BUZZ: There's nobody hotter anywhere in general pop culture? -- than Edward and Bella. Even their reallife counterparts, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, are making indie-cool choices which make them appealing to those of us who might not be the biggest fans of Stephenie Meyer's novels, or their adaptations. Boosting the appeal of Twilight is the studio behind the franchise, Summit Entertainment, who listens to their fan base (We heart Jacob Lautner!) and is pulling a Disney move by investing in their stars (Kristen Stewart will co-star in the biography of seminal 1970s all-female rock band The Runways, while Robert Pattinson is shooting Remember Me) after New Moon wraps). We're interested to see how underdog director Chris Weitz meshes with this material, and, whether or not this second installment will boost its appeal to non-U.S. audiences.

2012

Director: Roland Emmerich Stars: John Cusack, Thandie Newton, Chiwetel Ejio The Plot: Academic researcher Jackson Curtis (Cusack) leads a group of people in a fight to counteract the apocalyptic events that were predicted by the Mayan calendar. THE BUZZ: After 10K BC's middling success, Roland Emmerich probably sensed that movie-going audiences worldwide prefer him in present-tense mode, heavy on apocalyptic imagery. I've heard rumors that 2012's script, which Emmerich wrote with composer-turnedscreenwriter Harald Kloser, contains an incredibly cheesy twist of Shyamalanian proportions, but I'm not one to seek out (or deliver) spoilery goods. I will say that part of me hopes this end-of-the-world scenario could mint Emmerich as the slightly higher brow Uwe Boll, if only he thought to cast Tara Reid as an anthropologist here. Said differently: This A-and-B-list cast is slumming! P.S. Have you heard the one about Emmerich's planned 2012 TV spin-off?

Old Dogs Director: Walt Becker Stars: Robin Williams, John Travolta, Seth Green The Plot: Ben (Williams) is a successful businessman whose professional and personal life is altered when an old flame re-enteres his life -- with her two children (twins!) in tow. Finding himself temporarily in charge of their welfare, he enlists his best friend and colleague (Travolta) to co-parent. THE BUZZ: I love it when weirdos like Seth Green are cast in family movies. And he seems to steal scenes in the way-toorevealing trailer. Looks like another win for suddenly mainstream director Walter Becker (Wild Hogs), and continued momentum for Travolta, who received great reviews for the underperforming Pelham 1 2 3. If you're unaware of the current climate at Disney, it's refreshing to read words from a movie executive who thinks a movie such as this one missed out on the idea of ap-

A Christmas Carol Director: Robert Zemeckis Stars: Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Colin Firth The Plot: An animated retelling of the Charles Dickens novel about Ebenezer Scrooge (Carrey), a Victorian-era miser who is taken on a journey of self-redemption, courtesy of several mysterious Christmas apparitions. THE BUZZ: Could it be that Robert Zemeckis has finally found source material that perfectly suits his creepy mo-cap fantasies? Initially we were unsure, but ever since Comic-Con we've been behind this movie way more so than our affection for Monster House and Beowulf combined.

Planet 51 Director: Jorge Blanco Javier Abad Stars: Dwayne Johnson, Seann William Scott, Jessica Biel The Plot: The inhabitants of Planet 51 live in fear of alien invasion. Their paranoia is realized when astronaut Chuck Baker (voice of Dwayne Johnson) arrives from Earth. Befriended by a young resident, he has to avoid capture in order to recover his spaceship and try to return home. THE BUZZ: A trio of videogame directors are handling this story from one of the dudes who wrote Shrek. Powered by Sony worldwide, we think audiences will embrace the human-as-alien spin here, especially since rendering here reminds us of an animated Pleasantville. Blockbuster? We don't think so. Solid performer that won't annoy you in the SUV Hybrid? You bet.

Societies Clubs & Associations Marina Alta Camera Club Contact: Tess Roberts, Secretary- chris@chrisrobin.co.uk The Marina Alta Camera Club was formed in 2006 and we currently have about 30 members. We welcome members from all nationalities with photographic skills from beginner to professional. We usually meet on the first Wednesday of the month at the Centro Social in Javea old town between 7.00pm and 9.30pm. There is a cafe on site that does not close until 10pm. The monthly meetings are for a social and instruction evening. We have regular field trips at other times. We have a practical evening on the third Wednesday of the month between 7.30pm and 9.30pm and a monthly themed competition for those who wish to enter. B S A C Marina Alta – Contact: Mary Saunders, Secretary marytonysaunders@hotmail.com We are a group of divers who belong to the British Sub Aqua Club and live here on the Costa Blanca. From highly experienced diving instructors to complete novices; from 16 - 70 years old; from Denia to Alicante; join us to learn an exciting new sport and make full use of your time in the Mediterranean and on holidays all over the world. The emphasis is on a club for divers who live here. We dive all year; have our own 6 diver RIB and a small catamaran. As well as potential trainees, we would also like to hear

ADVERTISE YOUR CLUB, SOCIETY OR ASSOCIATION HERE FOR FREE. YOU CAN HAVE UP TO 200 WORDS, CONTACT NAME, ADDRESS, TELEPHONE NUMBER, EMAIL AND WEB ADDRESS WHICH IS LINKED TO YOUR OWN WEBSITE IF YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL MEETINGS OR SHOWS LET US KNOW AND WE WILL PROMOTE IT FREE OF CHARGE. ALL WE ASK IS THAT YOU HELP PROMOTE MARINA ALTA VIDA BY LINKING OUR WEBSITES AND TELLING ALL YOUR MEMBERS ABOUT US IN YOUR MONTHLY NEWSLETTERS

CARELINE THEATRE Contact: Candy Wright Tel: 96 558 39 51 kellykats_sl@hotmail.com CARELINE THEATRE is an amateur dramatic theatre group with our own theatre based in Alcalali. Main productions are Spring/Autumn plays & Pantomime in January. Our committee meetings are the second Monday in every month but the actual group gets together whilst rehearsing for productions, or at social events. Careline Theatre (Alcalalí/Alcanalí)

CLICK TO GO TO SOCIETIES, CLUBS AND ASSOCIATIONS

Just click on the company you want to view and you will be taken directly to thier advertisement BEAUTY TREATMENTS BEAUTY BY

BOOKS

CLICK TO GO TO OUR ADVERTISERS BUSINESS COMPENDIUM

N - GAGE

CAFES AND BARS CAFE CORTADO

CONFECTIONERY N - GAGE

DVD RENTALS N - GAGE

ESTATE AGENTS GILES WALKER

GIFTS N - GAGE

GREETING CARDS N - GAGE

HAIR STYLISTS HAIR BY LAURA

HEALTH PRODUCTS XANGO

INK CARTRIDGES N - GAGE

INTERNET CAFE N - GAGE

MOBILE PHONES N - GAGE EUROPA

PHOTOGRAPHY Shoot You Photo-

POSTAL SERVICE N - GAGE

PRINTING SERCVICES N - GAGE

RESTAURANTS TAPINDO

STATIONERY N - GAGE

TRAVEL AGENTS GESWIFT TRAVEL

Lets start with a bit of humour The teacher told Francisco to use the following words in a sentence. here are his replies:

1. *Cheese*

8. *Chicken*

Maria likes me, but cheese fat.

2. *Mushroom*

I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.

9. *Wheelchair*

3. *Shoulder*

We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry wheelchair

My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.

4. * Texas * My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!

5. *Herpes*

10. *Chicken* *wing* My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.

11. *Harassment* My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey harassment nothing to me.

Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

12. *Bishop*

6. *July*

13. *Body wash*

Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.

7. *Rectum*

14. *Budweiser*

I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?

My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.

Look out for more pages of humour that are not in the content pages Note from Ed: Sorry but I had to find a page to fill in as an advertiser did not get their artwork to us on time. I promise it gets better........

Illusion

Tell us what you can see - The first 10 correct answers will each receive 5 free DVD hires from N-Gage bookshop in Javea port! email your answer to: ed@vidapublucations.com

Vida Welcome to the very first edition of MARINA ALTA VIDA This is the first online publication that is dedicated to the people and businesses that reside here in this beautiful part of the Costa Blanca. Our mission is very simple, to bring together in these very difficult times the expats and businesses that have made this their home. Things are difficult at the moment but for those of us that have lived through this type of recession before, we now that for us all to servive we need to support each other and it has to be in a cost effective way.

Then there is our business section, this we have called the Business Compendium, this is not like the standard information that you get in classified advertising sections of other publications but a full page with loads more information and photographs. This innovative approach has been designed for two reasons - first, you our readers need to find out far more than just name, address and contact details. In our compendium you will be able to read far more about the company and the work they do. Secondly, it means our advertisers can use photos to help catch your eye. Now thats far better for both than just having the same old boring listed details or little boxed adverts.

So here at MARINA ALTA VIDA we have made a conscious effort to help those businesses that are our commu- We are able to do this because we are not a print publication so, no print nities backbone survive with us. costs, no distribution costs and no evironmental issues with tons of disMARINA ALTA VIDA is a two part publication; First is our lifestyle maga- carded magazines going into landfill. All this means that our advertising zine which you will always find at the rates are far more affordable to every beginning, it is full of featured articles on many subjects which we hope you business. will find entertaining and inspirational. We hope you enjoy our publication and support us by keep coming back month after month

Back to Contents

Health And Beauty More and more people are healthconscious these days, in one way or another, than ever before. People take vitamin supplements. They exercise. They buy organic foods and watch what they eat. It seems strange, then, as we become more aware of the importance of taking good care of our bodies, that we pay so little attention to the largest organ of our bodies, our skin. Our skin is magnificent and complex. It protects our muscles, nerves, bones and nervous system. It regulates our temperature, provides us sensations of pleasure, warnings of danger through pain. It protects us from infection and disease, heals itself swiftly, and adapts well to the many changes of environment that we put it through. It's at work constantly. It provides us and others with a good portion of our sense of attraction. We look at each other's skin all the time, every day - and yet most of us pay nearly no mind to its well-being. Skin protects us from a vast number of potential problems. The sun, rain and wind, gravity, chemical agents, environmental pollution, dry air, germs, allergies, insects, natural irritants... and yet we seem to consider it least.

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Skin Deep At the very most, we might take care of our faces - and that’s mostly the women. Men just don’t bother with skincare, perhaps judging it not ‘manly’. Yet scientists have found that the evenness and radiance of skin is the key factor people use in judging beauty and attractiveness. The findings suggest that an even skin tone is much more important than the symmetry of a face — a quality which had previously been thought the most important aspect in deciding attractiveness.

Before using daily skin care

One experiment showed that people were much less willing even to look at someone with uneven skin tone, regularly averting their eyes. The scientists behind the research suggest humans have developed an acute awareness of the condition of people’s skin because it is a powerful indicator of health and reproductive fitness. So, healthy skin is more than skin deep, but it’s not impossible to achieve. We just need to put in a little more conscious effort to take good care of it and we will be rewarded with a more youthful and radiant glow.

After using daily skin care

BEAUTY BY GAYNOR THE BIO-ULTIMATE FACIAL

This non-surgical facial treatment utilises Benefits include: a technology known as micro current * LIFTING which gently stimulates the body’s own * FIRMING natural electrical currents resulting in a visible firming and smoothing of the skin. * TONING Skin is re-hydrated, circulation is improved and a revitalised appearance is achieved. The facial may be enjoyed as an individual treatment or as part of a course of treatments.

* RE-HYDRATING * TEXTURE IMPROVEMENT * COLOUR ENHANCEMENT * LYMPH DRAINAGE

As well as all of the above benefits this facial is very relaxing and will leave your skin glowing Cost per treatment … … … … €40.00 Course of six treatments … … … €200.00 (one free facial) Treatment time approx. 55 minutes To make an appointment please call 96 619 7132 or 650 723 966 CLICK HER TO TAKE YOU TO OUR COMPENDIUM ADVERTISEMENT

Facial Skincare and Massage Therapist Specialising in Non-Surgical Facials Fully Qualified and Professional Service Bio Ultimate Non-Surgical Facial €40 Lifts facial contours, rejuvenates and hydrates skin leaving you looking and feeling visibly younger

Indian Head Massage - €20 An extremely effective treatment for the relief of stress and all related problems

Luxury Facial - €35 A full facial treatment including cleanse, tone, massage, mask and moisturiser

Conditioning Foot Treatment - €20 Includes foot spa, removal of hard skin, massage to feet and lower legs, nail tidy and clear polish

Aromatherapy Massage - from €20 Using fragrant essential oils to help you relax and unwind - full body or back, neck and shoulders

To make an appointment please call 96 619 7132 or 650 723 966

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How to look at least 10 years younger Jane, 54, film editor

Noelle Alfonso, 37, daycare center owner

Aging Culprit.: Dull complexion, coarse, gray Aging Culprits: Darkness around her eyes; shapeless hair hair It was necessary to crop her heavy mass of curls to open up her face and reveal her striking neck and cheekbones. The danger in a short cut is if it's too short, there's the unfortunate possibility of emulating your grandmother's conservative wash-and-set style. This was avoided by maintaining some length around the ears and in the back, keeping it playful and soft. Noelle's base was warmed up by colouring it a chocolate brown to cover It was decided to give Jane a shoulder-length the gray, and some caramel highlights were cut and to do this it was necessary to use long woven in to add dimension to her curls. layers to take the bulk out of her thick hair for a lighter silhouette. To create a softer look, the harsh gray had to be covered because it was sucking colour from Jane's face. However going too dark would have a similar effect, so a medium brown shade was picked with the addition of golden highlights. Why covering gray makes hair shinier, gray hair has a thicker cuticle, so it looks rougher; coating it with dye makes each strand smoother and more light reflective. A sheer, yellow-toned foundation was perfect for counteracting the ruddiness of Jane's complexion. This was applied only where necessary—over her cheeks and around her nose. As long as you find the right shade, foundation can be used as a spot treatment. A pink-orange blush brought dimension back to Jane's cheeks, and a peach lip gloss added polish to the look.

The trick to disguising Noelle's very dark undereye circles was to minimize the shadows by blending a concentrated (but still creamy, to avoid cracking or caking) concealer under her eyes and on her lids. The makeup on the rest of Noelle's face was also chosen to offset those shadows. this was done by using a very light, fresh pinks and beiges—a pink blush, pale rosy gloss, beige eyeshadows—not a single dark colour.

HAIR BY

Laura Laura Kingsbury is a mobile hairdresser living in Javea. She was trained at the prestigious Goldwell Academy in London. Laura has vast experience in young haircuts modern haircuts traditional styles colouring hair wraps All at very competitive prices

For your home appointment Call

666 314 484

BECOME AN AGENT FOR XANGO TODAY CONTACT Bob & Maureen Eaton 96 611 4575 www.myxango.de/bobeaton In 2002, a privately owned global nutrition company called XanGo started with 14 employees in the United States and today operates in more than 20 countries and territories with approximately 750 employees. Our company has over one million distributors participate in XanGo's global network. Now here in Spain you to can start earning the kind of money that will give you the quality of life you always wanted and deserve. The MANGOSTEEN is a fruit from eastern Asia that is steeped in traditional folklore and has been used for centuries to treat such far-ranging and diverse ailments as dysentery; eczema and other skin disorders; cystitis; and regulation of menstruation. This was done by either grinding the rind and applying it directly to the skin or steeping it in water overnight and then drinking the resulting mangosteen tea. At XanGo we have taken it one step better. Our Juice’s proprietary puree formula uses the whole mangosteen fruit, from its

dark, reddish purple nutrient-dense rind to the white fleshy pulp – through which all of the mangosteen health benefits are delivered as nature intended. The rind of the mangosteen contains nature’s most concentrated source of xanthones and a large concentration of flavonoids, powerful phytonutrients which we have made into one of the worlds most favored health beverages. XanGo expanded its product range with Glimpse™ Intuitive Skin Care which is the first personal care brand to bring mangosteen topical nutrition to a global market. Glimpse is available in two product systems one providing nutrition for normal to dry skin and the other designed for normal to combination skin.

Choose a real tree for Christmas this year Each year, 33 to 36 million Christmas trees are produced in America, and 50 to 60 million are produced in Europe. We love the significance, ambiance, and scent of the traditional fir in our home, so let’s find out how to decorate our tree the right way with the following In the fifteenth century it is recorded 8 steps: that in London it was the custom at Christmas for every house and all the 1. Choose a Spot to Display parish churches to be ‘decked with Your Tree holly, ivy, bays, and whatsoever the When you're ready to set your tree up, season of the year afforded to be pick a low-traffic spot away from green’. The heart shaped leaves of ivy fireplaces and heaters, and then anwere said to symbolise the coming to chor the tree with nylon thread tied earth of Jesus, while holly was seen as around the trunk and through screw protection against pagans and hooks fastened to the wall. Safety first! witches, its thorns and red berries held to represent the Crown of Thorns worn 2. Place Tree Stand in a by Jesus at the crucifixion.

The practice of putting up special decorations at Christmas has a long history: from pre-Christian times, evergreen plants have been brought indoors throughout the Roman Empire.

Watertight Planter

Nativity scenes are known from 10th century Rome, and so, many different types of decorations developed across the Christian world, dependant on local tradition and available resources. The first commercially produced decorations appeared in Germany in the 1860s, inspired by the paper chains made by children.

The effect is tailored look; it also creates extra room for presents. To pot your tree in a planter follow these steps: lay plastic underneath the container to protect floors. Stack bricks inside planter to raise tree if necessary. Place the tree stand inside the planter, followed by the tree. Pour pebbles into the stand for added stability if needed. Finish off with moss.

This tree uses just a simple decoration of white lights which is made even more effective by the addition of real fir cones.

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Decorating the tree

Prune the Tree

Norway and blue spruces are naturally symmetrical, but their branches have awkward growths that keep ornaments from hanging freely. So do a little judicious pruning. With the tree standing upright, study it from a distance to see which areas need pruning. Then, prune small growths that jut straight out from the top and bottom of the branches.

String the Lights

Lights should always be added to your tree before other decorations. The following method will play up the depth of the tree better than draping lights only around the perimeter, while also concealing the wires.

Organise and hang your Ornaments

Decide on a theme and/or colour scheme and lay your ornaments out before you get started. Choose simple ornaments to create a backdrop for more ornate antiques, as well as homemade and sentimental favourites. Hang dominant ornaments first to establish a rhythm, and intersperse them with accents in complimentary tones. Suspend ornaments from thin wire instead of manufacturer-provided hooks, which can slip off branches causing breakage. To make your own hangers, thread a 5-inch piece of wire through the ornament loop; twist the wire around itself several times to secure. To hang, wrap the other end of the wire around the branch until the ornament is secure.

1. Starting at a bottom bough, string lights along the underside of each branch. When you get near the end, loop lights around the 6. Check Your Work top of the branch. Take a step back while decorating to see 2. Work back to the tree trunk, winding around which areas need filling. Hang branch and light strand. Continue around the ornaments inside the tree - not just near tree. Reverse the procedure on upper its edges - for added dimension, and branches (or those above eye level of an don't forget the back of the tree. average adult), stringing lights first along the top, then back around bottom. 7. Emphasise the Vertical

Shape of the Tree Hang long, dangling ornaments - for example, icicles and teardrops - at branch ends so that they look as they do in nature.

Top off the Tree

Choose a beautiful star or perhaps an angel to complete your creation!

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Garlands Christmas garlands are just right for Christmas. You can use it to decorate your whole house or just to spruce up your fireplace. These are 4 good ways you can make your home more festive for the Christmas season.

garland though so keep that in mind. Measure your fireplace before you start because a half finished project will look silly. Thumb tack your garland around the whole area of your fireplace. 2 strands side by side will really make this project more festive. Make sure you secure the garland around the whole fireplace. Tie 1. As a Swag garland into a giant bow and place on the Use your Christmas garland as a swag center of the fireplace mantel. Add stockfor your fireplace, pictures, doors window ings on each side of the bow just under frams and many more things that you the garland. can think of framing. You can take any As a festive bowed garland color garland but a festive combination of 1. red and green will really make the swag pop. Leave a length of 2 feet dangling on Take several lengths of garland and tie each side of your fireplace, then in sec- into medium sized bows. You may have tions thumb tack into your fireplace man- to cut the garland for this project. Use tle. Each section should make a wide several different colors of garland for a u-shape. Just this little touch adds a Christmas holiday look. Red, green, gold great deal of festivity to your home. It and silver are perfect holiday colors. Go also looks really good just above hanging across the whole of the fireplace mantel stockings. alternating your colors. You can add silk holly leaves and berries in between for a truly festive feel. This Christmas decora2. As a Garnish tion should not take more than 20 minWrap gold and silver Christmas garland utes to complete. around your fireplace utensil holder. is often utensilThis holder. This ais basket, crate or boxorthat the often a basket, crate box holds that holds poker, scooper and other items. the poker, scooper and fireplace other fireplace Garnishing your fireplace utensilsutensils brightitems. Garnishing your fireplace ens up your fireplace for the brightens up your fireplace for Christmas the Christseason and is a is very easyeasy Christmas mas season and a very Christdecoration. mas decoration.

For the Fireplace

You can use Christmas garlands to turn your fireplace into a giant present as a Christmas decoration. This takes a lot of

pamella roland white landscapes, and New York at night. These themes were translated into special fabrics and embroideries, and the colours included dazzling orange, poppy red, peony, yellow dahlia, honeydew green, gold, copper, and oversized floral prints, all shades readily transferable from the New York catwalk to the Spanish sunshine. Fabrics included silk wool, chiffon, Lurex, tweed, stretch cotton, lame, silk Pamella Roland channels her artistic organza, jacquard, Chantilly lace and appreciation and creativity into all of panne velvet. her collections, designing for confident women with exceptional taste, Pamella's love for fashion began in along the lines of Katharine Hepburn. her teens and early twenties when she Her focus is to create clothes that worked for a women's retailer while allow women to be comfortable yet attending school. Though she yearned totally elegant. to study fashion design, her father encouraged her to pursue a business Incorporating exquisite colour degree instead. At the time this was a palettes, luxurious embellishments, tough choice, but now stands her in and lush fabrics, as well as precise and good stead as she plays a major role in flattering cut, her latest collection re- every facet of the business, from the ally showed a sense of glamour, creation of each piece, with final say fantasy, fun, and what makes a on every shape, fabric, and colour, to woman smile. directing sales, hiring staff, and managing all public relations and Her inspirations were drawn from marketing efforts. bright floral combinations, clean

EVENING COLLECTION She was also named one of the "most influential women in West Michigan" in 2008. Honors such as these only inspire and intensify Pamella's efforts to make PAMELLA ROLAND an even greater success. Pamella plays a major role in every facet of the business, from thecreation of each piece, with final say on every shape, fabric, and color, to directing sales, hiring staff, and managing all public relations and marketing efforts. "I make it a point to travel to as many points of distribution as possible to meet my customers... :"...I wear these clothes so I can relate to what my customers want from their wardrobes. This is valuable information ation that I truly channel into the design process..."

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WINTER COLLECTION The broad demographic appeal of the collection is by no means accidental, as Pamella meets and caters to like minded women outside of the fashion centres of New York and Los Angeles who delight in the same mix of sophistication, comfort, and glamour. There were magnificent evening gowns of yellow-to-platinum shades, but also beautifully tailored suits and separates for everyday life. Either way, each piece was special, belonged on a runway, and turned Fashion Week into something fun and exciting. And, if you like Pamella’s designs, know you’re in the company of celebrities like Jennifer Aniston, Kim Cattrall and Eva Longoria….

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Time for jeans Jeans are always in fashion but their style and trend always keeps changing with the passing time. For instance, in the yester years wearing the boot-cut jeans or the other bell bottom jeans was considered to be in fashion. The boot cut jeans were mainly designed for the cowboys to accommodate their huge boots. Later with the passing time, body fitting low waist jeans came into fashion which is even today considered to be an in trend. These skinny jeans look better when worn with high and smart looking boots. Apart from these stylish and trendy designer jeans, you can also avail a list of various women jeans apparels that help them look simply stylish and sexy in them. For instance, you can avail the sweet and stylish looking short denim skirts and wear them for your parties and small casual gatherings.

These jeans skirts give you look which can be worn wit tops to suit your style and l look at the various other st apparel such as the jeans j jeans long skirts.

With the inset of winter, pe their warm and smart looki jackets that literally blend w of clothes. Jackets are a sm apparels which give a roug look to everything that you from keeping you warm an even in the chilliest days. W jeans has always been a fa that nearly everyone loves has been following over a l period of time. Well, simply check out the casual parties and gatherings, and you will see nearly every person wearing either a pair of jeans or even a stylish looking jeans jacket. Women especially adore wearing the sleek and sexy looking jeans skirts along with a smart jean crop jacket.

u a stylish and also sensuous th nearly various types of look. You can also have a tyles of union jean and jackets, and the smart

eople start wearing ing short jean well with all types mart piece of gh and stylish wear apart nd cozy Wearing ashion and long

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First ‘clothing’ impressions count Men love science, right? So, know that there is scientific evidence to support the idea that what you wear really does make a difference in your world. Behavioural scientists warn that a first impression is a strong one. Someone’s evaluation of you takes 30 seconds or less, and can be so strong that it could take as long as five years to erase. Clothing plays a huge role in the first impression, especially at job interviews or meeting the in-laws or meeting a potential mate. Think of clothes like your peacock feathers. Learning how to appropriately display your feathers could make sure that your first impression lasts, in a positive way. You will never get a second chance. Patterns, like stripes, create optical illusions. While vertical stripes draw the eyes up and down helping to establish a thinner body, wide horizontal stripes make the eye move left to right, creating a broadening effect. That’s a nice way of saying you could look as wide as a bus. Heavier fabrics give the impression of a heavier body. Culprits include tweed, wool suits and bulky jumpers. Light to Women spend a great deal of time de- medium weight fabrics, such as cotton, ciding what to wear on a day-to-day twill and linen, visually remove basis, taking into account what suits pounds. them and what is “so last year”. Most men, on the other hand, tend throw This is handy knowledge if you want any old thing on. You don’t have to be to appear less heavy, dominant or aga metrosexual to look good, but it gressive. helps…

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Green, blue, and violet are associated with water, sky and foliage. They are calming, unassuming colours and they appear to recede. This is handy knowledge if you want to appear less heavy, dominant or aggressive. Red, orange, and yellow are associated with fire and the sun. They psychologically suggest emotion, energy and warmth while optically appearing larger. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s something to remember if you want to slim down rather than beef up. Colours may also influence the behaviour and moods of those you are trying to impress, both positively and negatively. Colours create feelings and emotions, which is why you would never wear a sunny yellow shirt to a funeral, opting instead for solemn tones. The simple act of choosing the colour of a tie could speak volumes about you.

Some of the moods and emotions associated with colours: RED: Not for the shy and retiring type. Dominance, power, attention, sexual energy, determination, passion, persistence, excitement and strength.

PINK: Yes, men can wear pink too! Upbeat, good health, calming, friendly, compassionate and faithful. ORANGE: Very â&#x20AC;&#x153;nowâ&#x20AC;?. Happy, courageous, successful, enthusiastic, bold, adventuresome, friendly, warm, informal and welcoming. BROWN: Salt of the earth type. Informal, reliable, approachable, relaxed, stable, and earthy. YELLOW: A positive colour. Alert, optimistic, stimulating, enthusiastic, playful, cheerful, communicative, expressive and intelligent.

BLUE: For the blue-bloodied type. Knowledgeable, trustworthy, serious, responsible, social stature, caring, good health, tranquil, intuitive, calm, honest, loyal and showing integrity. LIGHT BLUE: Perfect for romance. Peaceful, sincere and affectionate. PURPLE: The prince of colours. Spiritual, passionate, visionary, regal, respected, dignified and luxurious.

LAVENDER: For sexy nights in. Romantic, imaginative and associated with fantasy. BLACK: Not just for funerals. Elegance, authority, dignity, sophistication, seductiveness and mystery. GREY: Perfect for job interviews. Brainy, classy, efficient, sophisticated and confident.

GREEN: Lucky for some. Relaxing, compassionate, prosperous, prestigious, growth, vitality, harmony and efficiency. WHITE: The colour of angels. Virtue, cleanliness and status. TURQUOISE: Like a dip in the ocean. Refreshing, cool, imaginative, innovative and youthful.

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Exam master Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Ed(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope) Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. What happens to your body as you age Q. Explain one of the processes A. When you get old, so do your by which water can be made safe bowels and you get intercontinental. to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to Q. What happens to a boy when drink because it removes large pol- he reaches puberty lutants like grit, sand, dead sheep A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and canoeists and looks forward to his adultery. Ed(So true) Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the Q Name a major disease associated with leaves and makes them perspire cigarettes Q. What causes the tides in the A. Premature oceans death. A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends Q. What is artifito flow towards the moon, because cial insemination there is no water on the moon, and A. When the farmer does it to the bull innature abhors a vacuum. I forget stead of the cow. where the sun joins the fight

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Genuine exam answers Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow. Ed(Simple, but brilliant) Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U. Ed(What the *!!*???). Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie.

Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. Ed(Irrefutable) Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Ed(OMG)

Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Ed(That would work)

Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. Ed(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

A day out How to get there: Drive on the CV-750 to Jalon (Xalo). On the southern side of Jalon, you find the Cepsa gasolin station. Take the narrow asphalt road, Camino Cementerio, that runs uphill from the corner of the gasolin station. Drive one kilometer to a T-junction, and turn left on the CV-749. Drive 11.5 km on the CV-749, past the restaurant Bon Vent and Bar Restaurant Serra Bernia on your left, until you see a large information board on the route on your right, some 200 meters after the Bar Restaurant Serra Bernia. (Roadmap of Marina Alta) Distance: 3h10min/8km By the information board (610m), take the track that turns southwest to the fortress of Bernia (Fort de BĂŠrnia). In early spring the blossoming almond trees give a pink hue to the landscape. If you want to spot marine fossiles, take a path to the right, when the track curves left uphill by a pine forest. You can see the quarry on the other side of the vineyard. Besides fossiles, you find also geologically interesting mineral aggregates and rocks. It takes a couple of minutes to walk to the quarry. The track to the fortress opens up a nice view to the mountain of Ferrer before turning into a path (30min)

(740m), which ascends gently to a saddle (45min) (820m), where you can climb up a big rock for better views, if you have a head for hights. The highest peak of Bernia with its 1126 meters is clearly visible from the saddle. From the saddle the path slopes to remains of the fortress (47min), composed of a number of archs and some buildings. The history and structure of the fortress are well presented in a number of boards you can find in different parts of the field. The peaks of Ponoch and Puig Campana rise in the South. By the fortress, you have signposts to Casa Mengual and Fonts de Algar. Take the path for Fonts de Algar PRV 7. On your left rises the crest of Bernia. From now on, it is important to pay attention to the white-yellow waymarks. First you descend to an altitude of 760 meters (1h), but then you start climbing upwards. Do not go all the way down to the houses you see below. When you see waymarks to both uphill and downhill, go uphill.

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Walking the Sierra Burnia Also further up, it is easy to stray from the right path to one of the narrow paths market with red arrows. If you lose the well beaten path, look down for the white and yellow waymarks and a tall tree. Throughout the walk along the stony path on the southern side of Bernia you have fine views down over the valley and the east coast. The mountains of Ponoch and Puig Campana line the valley in the South. When you reach a cave (2h) (850m), go in, and crawl through a short tunnel (some 20 meters) to the northern side of Bernia. Vast areas of Marina Alta open up before you. You will enjoy views over the towns of Denia,

Soak up the most incredible views

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Centro Commercial La Teulera 10, (Above Hamiltons Estate Agents) Jalón / Xaló, 03727 Alicante España

The all electric Gullwing

â&#x20AC;&#x153;...Mercedes-Benz is developing an exciting electric super sports car with zero-emission high-tech drive...â&#x20AC;?

The Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG with electric drive transforms the vision of powerful and locally emission-free super sports cars into reality thanks to an innovative drive system: powerful forwards thrust is provided by four electric motors with a combined peak output of 392 kW and a maximum torque of 880 Nm. The four electric motors are positioned near the wheels, substantially reducing the unsprung masses compared to wheel-hub motors. One transmission per axle transmits the power. This intelligent all-wheel-drive system allows dynamically

optimised power transmission without any losses by means of Torque Vectoring in other words the specifically targeted acceleration of individual wheels. In its first pilot phase, the SLS AMG with electric drive incorporates a liquidcooled high-voltage lithiumion battery of modular design with an energy content of 48 kWh and a capacity of 40 Ah. The 400-volt battery is charged by means of targeted recuperation during braking whilst the car is being driven.

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;...alternative drive solutions for high-performance super sports cars...â&#x20AC;?

“...accelerates from zero to 100 km/h in around 4 seconds...” When it comes to dynamics, the electrically driven SLS AMG swingwing model delivers an unequivocal statement: It accelerates from zero to 100 km/h in around 4 seconds – putting it on the same high level as the SLS AMG with a 6.3litre V8 engine developing 420 kW/571 hp. "We wanted to redefine the super sports car. For us, it is not just about responsibility, we attach just as much importance to excitement and classic AMG performance,"

says Volker Mornhinweg, positioned near the wheels and very low Chief Executive Officer of Mercedes-AMG GmbH. down in the vehicle. The purely electric drive system was factored into the equation as early as the concept phase when the new swing-wing model was being developed by Mercedes-Benz and AMG. It is ideally packaged for the integration of the high-performance, zero-emission technology: by way of example, the four electric motors and the two transmissions can be

The same applies to the modular high-current battery, whose modules are located in front of the firewall, in the centre tunnel and behind the seats. Advantages of this solution include the vehicle's low centre of gravity and the balanced weight distribution ideal conditions for optimum handling, which the electrically powered SLS AMG

Power electronics

Rear gear box Power electronics

Gear box

(two electronic motros)

Four-wheel drive

High-voltage battery

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shares with its petrol-driven sister model. The installation of the drive components required no changes whatsoever to the swing-wing model's aluminium spaceframe body. And there were just as few constraints when it came to maintaining the excellent level of passive safety and high degree of long-distance comfort that are hallmarks of Mercedes cars. The electrically powered SLS AMG sees Mercedes-Benz and AMG continuing to pursue their aim of minimising the amount of time it takes to bring about the electrification of the car. Their strategic involvement in Deutsche Accumotive GmbH & Co. KG, a joint venture between Daimler AG and Evonik Industries AG, will provide the battery technology required in future. Daimler has the leading role in this joint venture for the development and production of batteries and battery systems for automotive applications. Max. Output - 392 kW Torque - 880 Nm 0 -100 km/h - Approx. 4s Rated capacity - 40 Ah (at 400 V) Energy - 3 x 16 kWh = 48 kWh

Gullwing featured in new Gran Turismo® If you can’t afford the 177,000€ price tag you can always buy the new Gran Turismo®5 for the PlayStation®3 which features the new gullwing. You will be able to enjoy an intense and interactive driving experience at the wheel of the new Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG in full HD

quality thanks to an extremely realistic rendering. You will find yourself taking part in thrilling high speed races on a variety of different race tracks, including the legendary Nürburgring Nordschleife, while competing against other super sport cars. For an emotionally appealing and realistic reproduction of the vehicle from different camera angles, the game designers and engineers from Polyphony Digital Inc. have digitised the new gullwing model using elaborate video scans. But it is not just the visual aspects of the game which are a delight the in-game performance virtually matches the real performance of the SLS AMG on the race track and will be a fantastic experience for any enthusiast.

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Jeremy Clarkson Sunday Times 8/11/09 I’ve given the matter a great deal of thought all week, and I’m afraid I’ve decided that it’s no good putting Peter Mandelson in a prison. I’m afraid he will have to be tied to the front of a van and driven round the country until he isn’t alive any more. He announced last week that middle-class children will simply not be allowed into the country’s top universities even if they have 4,000 A-levels, because all the places will be taken by Albanians and guillemots and whatever other stupid bandwagon the conniving idiot has leapt I hate Peter Mandelson. I hate his fondness for extremely pale blue jeans and I hate that preposterous moustache he used to sport in the days when he didn’t bother trying to cover up his left-wing fanaticism. I hate the way he quite literally lords it over us even though he’s resigned in disgrace twice, and now holds an important decision-making job for which he was not elected. Mostly, though, I hate him because his one-man war on the bright and the witty and the successful means that half my friends now seem to be taking leave of their senses. There’s talk of emigration in the air. It’s everywhere I go. Parties. Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can’t see the point because she won’t be going to university, because she doesn’t have a beak or flippers or a qualification in washing windscreens at the lights. She wonders, often, why we don’t live in America .

Then you have the chaps and chapesses who can’t stand the constant raids on their wallets and their privacy. They can’t understand why they are taxed at 50% on their income and then taxed again for driving into the nation’s capital. They can’t understand what happened to the hunt for the weapons of mass destruction. They can’t understand anything. They see the Highway Wombles in those brand new 4x4s that they paid for, and they see the M4 bus lane and they see the speed cameras and the community support officers and they see the Albanians stealing their wheelbarrows and nothing can be done because it’s racist. And they see Alistair Darling handing over £4,350 of their money to not sort out the banking crisis that he doesn’t understand because he’s a small-town solicitor, and they see the stupid war on drugs and the war on drink and the war on smoking and the war on hunting and the war on fun and the war on scientists and the obsession with the climate and the price of train fares soaring past £1,000 and the Guardian power-brokers getting uppity about one shot baboon and not uppity at all about all the dead soldiers in Afghanistan, and how they got rid of Blair only to find the lying twerp is now going to come back even more powerful than ever, and they think, “I’ve had enough of this. I’m off.” It’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelsonskewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal,

Back to Contents The enlosed article by Jeremy Clarkson was in this week's Sunday Times but has since been 'pulled' - probably by the subject of the article, Peter Mandelson. So much for free speech. But poor old manglebum fails to appreciate how the blogsphere works and in no time the article finds itself going viral round the world. Wonderful. Enjoy it

property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop Canada’s full of people pretending to be French, South Africa’s too risky, Russia’s somewhere else. But where? worse and everywhere else is too full of You can’t go to France because you need snow, too full of flies or too full of people to complete 17 forms in triplicate every who want to cut your head off on the intime you want to build a greenhouse, and ternet. So you can dream all you like you can’t go to Switzerland because you about upping sticks and moving to a will be reported to your neighbours by the country that doesn’t help itself to half of police and subsequently shot in the head everything you earn and then spend the if you don’t sweep your lawn properly, money it gets on bus lanes and advertiseand you can’t go to Italy because you’ll ments about the dangers of salt. But soon tire of waking up in the morning to wherever you go you’ll wind up an alcofind a horse’s head in your bed because holic or dead or bored or in a cellar, in an you forgot to give a man called Don a orange jumpsuit, gently wetting yourself bundle of used notes for “organising” a on the web. All of these things are worse than being persecuted for eating a sandplumber. wich at the wheel. You can’t go to Australia because it’s full of things that will eat you, you can’t go to I see no reason to be miserable. Yes, New Zealand because they don’t accept Britain now is worse than it’s been for anyone who is more than 40 and you decades, but the lunatics who’ve made it can’t go to Monte Carlo because they so ghastly are on their way out. Soon, don’t accept anyone who has less than they will be back in Hackney with their 40 mill. And you can’t go to Spain be- South African nuclear-free peace polenta. cause you’re not called Del and you And instead the show will be run by a weren’t involved in the Walthamstow bloke whose dad has a wallpaper shop blag. And you can’t go to Germany ... be- and possibly, terrifyingly, a twerp in Belgium whose fruitless game of hunt-thecause you just can’t. WMD has netted him £15m on the lecture The Caribbean sounds tempting, but circuit. there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you’ll end So actually I do see a reason to be misup like all the other expats, with a nose erable. Which is why I think it’s a good like a burst beetroot, wondering if it’s idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in Such an act would be cruel and barbaric the morning. And, as I keep explaining to and inhuman. But it would at least cheer my daughter, we can’t go to America be- everyone up a bit cause if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.

Jeremy

16 stupid questions asked by tourists

"Are there any lakes in the Lake District?"

"Can you tell me who performs at the circus in Piccadilly?"

"What is the entry fee for Brighton?"

"Why did they build so many ruined castles and abbeys in England?"

"Why on earth did they build Windsor Castle on the flight path of Heathrow?"

"What time do you switch the mist off?" Asked a visitor to Dover Castle

"Is Wales closed during the winter?"

"Which bus do I get from the Orkney Islands to the Shetland Islands?"

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"What time of night does the Loch Ness monster surface and who feeds it?"

"Was this man-made?" Asked a tourist at the Grand Canyon

"Is Edinburgh in Glasgow?"

"How much of the caves is underground?" Asked a tourist at the Carlsbad Caverns

"I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I "Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?" follow the railroad tracks?" Asked a tourist at the Mesa Verde Park

"Which direction is North in Australia?"

"In what month was the May Day demonstrations?

Why some men have dogs not wives 1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs ďŹ nd you amusing when you're drunk. 3. Dogs donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mind if you play with their toys.

4. A dog's mother never visits.

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8. Dogs like to go hunting.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuďŹ&#x20AC;.

News from the UK

10 DOWNING STREET LONDON SW1A 1AA

Letter from the OfďŹ ce of the Prime Minister To all UK Citizens. Dear People of England, Due to the current ďŹ nancial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 40 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme will be known as Retire Aged People Early (RAPE) Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be eligible for the Special Help after Forcible Termination scheme (SHAFT).Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers program (SCREW) A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice, and SCREWED as many time as the government deems appropriate. Only persons who have been RAPED can get Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse (AIDS) or Half Earnings for Retired Personnel on Early Severance (HERPES). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government. Persons who are not RAPED, and who are staying on will receive as much Special High Intensity Training (SH*T ) as possible. The Government has always prided itself in the amount of SH*T it gives out. Should you feel that you do not receive as much SH*T as you should, please bring this to the attention of your MP. They have been trained to give you as much SH*T as you can handle. Sincerely, Gordon Brown

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Vida Casa Marina Alta

house and home lifestyles

We have seen a trend developing over the last 6 months for people increasingly looking for more futuristic properties and ultra modern designs incorporating an environmentally sound living space. We have 3 times more inquiries for these types of property week upon week than any others. These projects have shapes and materials for the building of minimalist and modern design villas. By using new materials and changing structural elements, we can make large rooms and terraces without support pillars. Enjoy a feeling of space, and a different style. These types and designs of buildings are fashionable and offer a modern finish with minimalistic lines. High efficiency eco villas respect the environment and keep the design and comfort of traditional housing. Bioclimatic houses incorporate the most modern energetic saving and water recycling systems, obtaining as result in a decrease in expenditure for water and electricity bills. Enjoy the low maintenance cost of the garden and swimming-pool.

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Real estate trends

A building constructed today will use a lot on energy over its average life of 30 to 50 years, and that use has many implications. Ecologically friendly buildings could include the following installations:

ENERGY-EFFICIENT LIGHTING Big windows in all possible places to allow for maximum daylight entry, as an aim for electrical saving, windows will also be double-glazed.

PHOTOVOLTAIC NET Photovoltaic solar station (opWATER RECYCLING tional) based on high-performance Grey water treatment by AQUAcrystalline silicon photovoltaic TRON. From bathroom and kitchen modules for the conversion of sinks, and washing-machine and sunlight into electricity, capable of dishwasher waste pipes- All this producing 2.500w. water recycling can be used for SOLAR POOL HEATING garden watering and re-used in Solar kit pool heating (optional). WC´s. Can extend the swimming season, KITCHEN RECYCLING as it uses the sun´s heat, but does Food-waste disposer. Installed not imply a hot water pool during under the kitchen sink, grinds food the winter months. waste within seconds. SOLAR HEATED WATER WALL COATINGS Solar kit for water heating, with Wall rendering with aerial lime minimum 2000 litre deposit. paste, totally waterproof. Lime is a DAYLIGHTING DEVICE natural product. Natural daylight device by SOLARINSULATION TUBE, for use in darker house Thermal & Acoustic insulation with areas enhancing the use of natural light and saving on electricity 40 mm sheep wool, completely costs. ecological and recyclable. SUN FACING Have the best sun facing situation possible, as a means of taking advantage of the natural sunlight, as well as helping with building´s climate control.

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These and many, many other features can now be incorporated into building works in order to achieve the following:

Lower monthly costs Improved resale Greater comfort Quieter Improved Indoor Air Quality Greater safety Greater durability Less maintenance It is important to note, however, that beyond comfort and the impact on our bank balances, the energy consumption of a building over its useful life is its single most significant environmental impact. A building constructed today will use a lot on energy over its average life of 30 to 50 years, and that use has many implications.

Avda. Jaime I, 16. Puerto de Javea 03730 JAVEA, Alicante.

GILES WALKER

SPANISH PROPERT

GilesWalker Properties are pleased to offer ECO - Builds Available throughout Spain. New-build villas constructed using modern, eco-friendly materials and techniques that have only recently become readily available to Spain. Bespoke architecturally designed detached villas can be constructed using eco friendly materials, the best craftsmanship and quality materials, and a 3 Bed/2 Bath Villa with pool can be yours from only €199.000 Key in Hand + plot which are currently available in Javea for less than 120.000 euros. Price includes full bespoke architects project and Building License.

ECO-FRIENDLY CAN MEAN BANK - FRIENDLY... Banks are more inclined to allow higher valuations and mortgages on eco-friendly constructions. The villas can also incorporate other specialist eco-friendly techniques such as solar and wind turbine installations, LED lighting and grey water recycling systems and Geo thermal heating. Giles Walker Properties Javea is a well established Estate Agent in Javea, on the Northern Costa Blanca-Spain located in Javea’s old fishing port, serving clients from all over the world. We are a small independent company staffed by a team of experienced professionals who live here in the best part of Spain, preferring to take a small, family orientated approach, working with you on a personal basis, treating you as VERY IMPORTANT individuals. Working from our spacious offices in the centre of Javea Port, we seek to offer a personal and genuinely interested attitude to your quest for the right property, and not waste your time showing you around unsuitable properties.

investment, we are certain that we either have or can ﬁnd a suitable property to satisfy your individual needs and budget. We guarantee integrity, loyalty and total conﬁdentiality whilst seeking the best deal for you.

Whether you are looking for a villa in Javea as a permanent home, a holiday home or an apartment in Benitachell or a Townhouse as a rental

GilesWalker Properties - Your Local Estate Agent in Javea We look forward to seeing you

R PROPERTIES

TY CONSULTANTS

Tel: 966 463 118 - Fax: 965 795 937 email: info@gileswalkerproperties.com web: www.gileswalkerproperties.com

MONTE PEDREGUER

BENITACHELL

CENTRE OF JAVEA PORT

3 Bed Bungalow Comm. Pool 150.000,00 Euros

2 Bed Apartment Comm. Pool 119.995,00 Euros

2 Bed Apartment 155.000,00 Euros

ALCALALI

BENITACHELL

CENTRE OF JAVEA PORT

2 Bed Villa with Private Pool 199.950,00 Euros

3 Bed Villa with Private Pool 299.000,00 Euros

3 Bed Apartment Comm. Pool 325.000,00 Euros

JAVEA

MORAIRA

JAVEA

4 Bed Villa with Private Pool 389.000,00 Euros

5 bed Villa with Private Pool 449.000,00 Euros

5 bed Villa with Private Pool 475.000,00 Euros

BENICHEMBLA

JAVEA

6 Bed Registered Casa Rural 499.000,00 Euros

6 Bed Luxury Villa with Pool 849.000,00 Euros

5 Bed Finca Style Villa + Pool 1.000.000 Euros

At last something different! Tapindo, an The food itself is just delicious and alIndonesian take-away restaurant, is a though you may have the idea that all Asian food is hot and spicy and so not great little find. to everybody’s taste, Tapindo have Having opened in mid-2008 it has thought of that. All their food is pretaken a while for the take-away con- pared gently but perfectly spiced and cept to have worked here – tradition- after that you can go as hot as you like ally Take-away restaurants have by adding more flavours with their struggled to compete with the very powerful chilli-based sauces. cheap Menu del Dia offers – but at last Tapindo has triumphed! Flavours of the dishes are all very different and individual and it’s hard to choose but last time I had the Pescado Bali, fish cooked in lemongrass and spices (fab!), with green beans (Judias Sambal) positively pulsating with ginger and garlic with plain We have eaten there sporadically white rice all topped with their signasince they opened and now we in- ture Huevo Sambal -half a boiled egg creasingly use them to vary our nights with sambal garnish. out. Sometimes we go to Tapindo early evening on our way out to a bar for drinks with friends, we choose our lovely meal and put it in the car boot, do our socialising, then go home for a great meal easily heated up either in the oven or the microwave.

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Restaurant Review - TAPINDO

YOU CAN FIND TAPINDO IN JAVEA ON THE SLIP ROAD NEXT TO THE CABO LA NAO ROAD, BEFORE THE FIRST CAM BANK TRAFFIC LIGHT NEXT TO THE YORKSHIRE LINEN Unusually for this area, vegetarians COMPANY. are well catered for and not just as an afterthought. Dishes using tofu and Easy access, ample parking, Central tempeh are always available as are an location. excellent variety of vegetable side Open 7 days a week, Mon-Sat 11amdishes, rice and noodles. 10pm, Sun 12pm-8pm http://www.tapindo.com - Click If you want, by the way, you can sit

Cooking can be dangerous! More people die in their own homes than are killed in road accidents and many of these are cooking-related. So far my own culinary efforts have resulted in three visits to the hospital, twice with cuts and once having nearly passed out. (The nurse amusingly said it was because I wasn't eating enough, despite my having the body type known in the medical profession as "Fat Bastard"!)

2. Wok. The secondary purpose of the cooker is to give you somewhere to stand your wok. This is basically a big, funny-shaped frying pan. So why not get a frying pan instead? Simple. If your Mum sees a frying pan she'll immediately mark you down as a seedy individual who lives on an unhealthy diet of bacon, eggs and sausages. This will cause a certain amount of friction, and Words Will Be Said. She may even get you on a charge of Eating Fried Bread, in There's also another reason for not dar- which case the hunt for a Suitable Girl ing to cook. The cookery books and programmes tell you how long it will take to prepare ingredients for a meal and how long it will take to cook it. They always miss out a couple of other important timings - how long it will take to chip the resulting mess from the kitchen, and how long you'll spend in the privy afterwards. So, as service to The Ideal Wok my fellow man, herewith my essential cookery guide! will be resumed. A wok, on the other hand, conjures up visions of healthy stirfries in the company of the sort of eleEssential Equipment: gantly-dressed young ladies seen in TV adverts. (But don't worry - you can still 1. Cooker. Vital, this. Its main purpose do bacon eggs and sausages in a wok!) is to reassure your Mum when she If you must insist on actually using comes round that you're looking after yourself. This means that she won't start the wretched thing, I shall give you the trying to find you a Suitable Girl, leaving benefit of my experience of woks, and you free to keep finding the unsuitable earnestly entreat you to IGNORE THE ones. Cookers come in two flavours, gas ADVICE OF THE EXPERTS! The Experts and electric. It doesn't matter which you will tell you to buy a plain steel wok, which you then season by heating choose - you won't be using it.

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Can't Cook, No...Really Can't Cook!

peanut oil to a high temperature, to coat the inside with a layer of, well, hardened peanut oil. Having done so, you will never need to wash it in Fairy Liquid, just rinse it under the tap after use. This is nonsense - apart from the risk of setting the place on fire during the initial treatment, any attempt at using the thing will result in unrecognisable charred bits sticking to the inside of it. Rinsing under the tap won't shift them, unless your tap dispenses sulphuric acid, so you'll have to resort to more desperate measures which will then destroy the coating of peanut oil. The inside of my steel wok went manky, to the extent that I wouldn't approach it unless I was wearing protective clothing. Then the outside went rusty, and so I binned it. Advice - buy a Teflon-coated one. Mine cost me about a fiver, the outside doesn't go rusty and the fallout from cooking operations can be removed by soaking in soapy water for ten days or so.

in ingredients and two hours in the bathroom marvelling at the almost infinite capacity of the human digestive system. 4. Microwave Oven. Very useful, and the perfect complement to the freezer. You can heat up ready meals in a saucepan of boiling water, but it's a lot quicker and easier in a microwave. Buy a simple one with just two controls, a power regulator and a timer. Some have loads of other controls on them, but you won't know what they're for and you certainly won't be using them, so why pay for them?

5. Sharp Knife. Essential in any kitchen. Used for making a hole in the plastic bag before you put it in the microwave. This is a vital step in the cooking process - if you don't pierce the bag it'll burst as the food heats up and you'll be scraping chicken curry off the inside of the microwave all night. Forget the old saying 3. Freezer. Essential item, unless you "Only blunt knives cut you" - any knife live right next door to a supermarket. poked into your fingers will cut you. I've The dedicated non-cooker will live out proved this experimentally. Twice. of the freezer. Frozen ready meals are so 6. Scissors. Optional. Used for cutting cheap it's not worth buggering about with raw meat and vegetables - just buy the bags open to get the food out. You frozen meals. You can get a nice range of can use the sharp knife for this to start meals, many at 1 euro a time and no with, but as you get more advanced frozen meal has ever caused me any un- you'll want to invest in extra culinary planned or excessive lavvy-time. This is equipment, and a pair of scissors will in contrast to my last attempt at stir- lend a real air of professionalism to your fried chicken, which cost me ten pounds bag-opening.

Can't Cook, No...Really Can't Cook!

Cooking Technique: 1. Choose meal from freezer. You'll find that the boxes usually have a tempting and mouth-watering picture on the front, holding out all sorts of promises for the meal inside. Don't get too carried away - the food in these photos is pre-

2. Open box, and extract bag(s). One will contain meat and stuff in some sort of coloured goo, the other will probably contain rice. Whatever they contain, they'll be very very cold, so don't stand there holding them all bloody day you'll get frostbite. 3. Cook the food. This normally entails cooking the bag of goo for a bit, then putting the bag of rice in as well and cooking for a bit longer. You'll need to find how long "a bit" and "a bit longer" actually are, so now retrieve the box from the bin where you've thrown it, and read the instructions on the side. 4. Serve the food. This is a simple matter of taking the bags out of the microwave, hopping up and down a bit shouting "Shit, that's hot", and running your fingers under the cold tap for a few seconds. Then open the bags, using either the knife or (for more advanced cooks) the scissors, and pour the contents onto a plate.

pared by something called a Food Cosmeticist, a highly-talented individual who could make Tutankhamen's mother look like Joan Collins. (Now I come to think of it, Tutankhamen's mother is Joan Collins!) The food in the picture looks like it was prepared by Gordon Ramsey. Yours will look like something the cat's brought in. Or possibly something the cat's brought up. Bon Appetit!

Back to Contents A couple had been married fifteen years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, "Honey, your butt is getting big. I bet it is as big as the gas grill now." The husband, feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick, measured the grill and TUESDAY Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe then measured his wife's butt. "Yep, he said, said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. "Just what I thought, just about the same size!" What a surprise when Bob brought a friend The wife got very incensed and decided to let home for supper. him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the WEDNESDAY A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thor- day. That evening when they went to bed, the oughly before steaming the rice. It seemed husband cuddled up to his wife, and said, "How kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it im- about it honey?" How about a little lovemaking?" The wife rolled over and turned her back proved the rice any. to him, giving him the cold shoulder. THURSDAY Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new "What's the matter?" he asked. She replied, recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on "You don't think I am going to fire up this big grill a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which for one little weenie, do you?" is what led up to Bob asking me why I was This man comes home from work and his wife rolling aroundon his vegatable garden. whines, "Honey, the dishwasher is broken." He says to her, "Who do I look like - the Whirlpool FRIDAY I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all man?" ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When A few weeks later, the husband comes home I got back, everything was the same as when I from work and his wife whines, "Honey, the washing machine is broken." He says, "Who do left. I look like - the Zanuzzi man?" SATURDAY Bob did the shopping today and brought home Another few weeks pass and he comes home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday from work and she whines, "Honey, the stove (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting is broken." The husband answers, "Who do I look like - the Kenmore man?" to ten. MONDAY It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

SUNDAY Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

A few more weeks pass. When he comes home from work, his wife looks pretty happy. So he asks her, "What's the matter? Isn't anything broken?" "No," she says, "Mr. Johnson from next door came over and fixed everything, and all I had to do to repay him was either bake him a cake or go to bed with him."

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY This has been an exciting week. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe So what kind of a cake did you make him?" on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, Ii asked the husband. To which the wife replied, want to surprise him with Chocolate Moose. "Who do I look like - Delia bloody Smith?!"

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The shop for great Indonesian food to enjoy now or keep for later.

Indonesia with its thousands of islands and rich culture offers fertile land & ocean, producing rice, fruits, vegetables and most important, spices typical to the land. From its colonial history and diverse influences, a rich and varied cuisine has flourished, full of tradition and offers a unique variety of flavours throughout its dishes. With its many vegetable and tofu dishes it is also considered a healthy cuisine, offering all the richness, aroma and flavours that is Indonesia. Its many options and custom in eating translates well in the Spanish form of eating "tapas" having several foods together with rice or noodles to compose the meal

Now open in Jávea and oﬀering a wide variety of constantly changing dishes including vegetarian options that are easy to reheat

The Twilight Saga: New Moon Director: Chris Weitz Stars: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner Studio: Summit Entertainment The Plot: When Bella's blood is shed at her birthday celebration, Edward's intense reaction to the event causes his parents to pull up stakes and leave Forks, Washington for the sake of the young lovers. Heartbroken, Bella finds a form of comfort in reckless living, as well as an even-closer friendship with Jacob Black (Lautner). Danger in different forms awaits. THE BUZZ: There's nobody hotter anywhere in general pop culture? -- than Edward and Bella. Even their reallife counterparts, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, are making indie-cool choices which make them appealing to those of us who might not be the biggest fans of Stephenie Meyer's novels, or their adaptations. Boosting the appeal of Twilight is the studio behind the franchise, Summit Entertainment, who listens to their fan base (We heart Jacob Lautner!) and is pulling a Disney move by investing in their stars (Kristen Stewart will co-star in the biography of seminal 1970s all-female rock band The Runways, while Robert Pattinson is shooting Remember Me) after New Moon wraps). We're interested to see how underdog director Chris Weitz meshes with this material, and, whether or not this second installment will boost its appeal to non-U.S. audiences.

2012 Director: Roland Emmerich Stars: John Cusack, Thandie Newton, Chiwetel Ejio The Plot: Academic researcher Jackson Curtis (Cusack) leads a group of people in a fight to counteract the apocalyptic events that were predicted by the Mayan calendar. THE BUZZ: After 10K BC's middling success, Roland Emmerich probably sensed that movie-going audiences worldwide prefer him in present-tense mode, heavy on apocalyptic imagery. I've heard rumors that 2012's script, which Emmerich wrote with composer-turnedscreenwriter Harald Kloser, contains an incredibly cheesy twist of Shyamalanian proportions, but I'm not one to seek out (or deliver) spoilery goods. I will say that part of me hopes this end-of-the-world scenario could mint Emmerich as the slightly higher brow Uwe Boll, if only he thought to cast Tara Reid as an anthropologist here. Said differently: This A-and-B-list cast is slumming! P.S. Have you heard the one about Emmerich's planned 2012 TV spin-off?

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Click to see what is on this week at the cinema

XABIAâ&#x20AC;&#x2C6; CINEMA

Old Dogs Director: Walt Becker Stars: Robin Williams, John Travolta, Seth Green The Plot: Ben (Williams) is a successful businessman whose professional and personal life is altered when an old flame re-enteres his life -- with her two children (twins!) in tow. Finding himself temporarily in charge of their welfare, he enlists his best friend and colleague (Travolta) to co-parent. THE BUZZ: I love it when weirdos like Seth Green are cast in family movies. And he seems to steal scenes in the way-too-revealing trailer. Looks like another win for suddenly mainstream director Walter Becker (Wild Hogs), and continued momentum for Travolta, who received great reviews for the underperforming Pelham 1 2 3. If you're unaware of the current climate at Disney, it's refreshing to read words from a movie executive who thinks a movie such as this one missed out on the idea of appealing to women's tastes and likes.

The last house on the left

When married couple Emma (Monica Potter) and John Collingwood (Tony Goldwyn), and their daughter Mari (Sara Paxton), travel to their lake house for a relaxing getaway, they get more than they bargained for in this nerve-shredding update of Wes Cravenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s disturbing 1972 horror. A vaguely histrionic remake, what Last House on the Left lacks of the originalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s intelligence and cutting commentary it makes up for in visceral scares. Grimy to the extreme, its provocative themes

retain an elemental power as director Dennis Iliadis slowly cranks up the tension from the outset. The cast are particularly praiseworthy, with Monica Potter and Tony Goldwyn delivering affecting performances that ground the horror in much-needed reality. So even if Last House on the Left is at times slightly too over-the-top and gory for its own good, its stellar cast deliver chills in just the right places to keep you on the edge of your seat.

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Pontypool Based on the novel ‘Pontypool Changes Everything’ by Tony Burgess, who also wrote the screenplay for this adaptation, is a zombie horror flick that guarantees thrills and spills galore as it plays with undead clichés to generate something truly disquieting. A brilliantly cerebral chiller, Pontypool is the very definition of a classic. Busting free of genre restrictions, it is simultaneously a nerve-blasting zombie siege flick quite enough to induce the odd nightmare by itself and a clever little exploration into the nature of language. Gorehounds be warned, though, this isn’t as horrifically graphic as other entries into the zombie genre (head on over to Dawn of the Dead for that). Claustrophobic and dark, and happy to evoke an effectively spooky atmosphere instead, Pontypool milks its church basement setting for all

that it’s worth as the slaughter rages beyond its walls. A wildly entertaining combination of horror and satire, Pontypool shrugs off its minimal budget in order to deliver something truly rare in this day and age – an adult horror film with true bite.

Marina Alta Camera Club Contact: Tess Roberts, Secretary- chris@chrisrobin.co.uk The Marina Alta Camera Club was formed in 2006 and we currently have about 30 members. We welcome members from all nationalities with photographic skills from beginner to professional. We usually meet on the first Wednesday of the month at the Centro Social in Javea old town between 7.00pm and 9.30pm. There is a cafe on site that does not close until 10pm. The monthly meetings are for a social and instruction evening. We have regular field trips at other times. We have a practical evening on the third Wednesday of the month between 7.30pm and 9.30pm and a monthly themed competition for those who wish to enter. B S A C Marina Alta – Contact: Mary Saunders, Secretary marytonysaunders@hotmail.com We are a group of divers who belong to the British Sub Aqua Club and live here on the Costa Blanca. From highly experienced diving instructors to complete novices; from 16 - 70 years old; from Denia to Alicante; join us to learn an exciting new sport and make full use of your time in the Mediterranean and on holidays all over the world. The emphasis is on a club for divers who live here. We dive all year; have our own 6 diver RIB and a small catamaran. As well as potential trainees, we would also like to hear

from divers and/or ex-divers who would like to start diving again. Social activities include Ten Pin Bowling, Windsurfing, eating out, BBQs, snorkeling/swimming, daytrips, etc. Check our website www.bsacmarinaalta.co.uk for current plans. Costa Blanca Dive Club Contact: Sharon – 636 506 765 divingdiva2@hotmail.com The Costa Blanca Dive Club based in Javea is formed by a group of divers of all ages, levels and nationalities who enjoy the fun and social side of diving. Throughout the season we organize diving activities through the week and weekends and we also have PADI Instructors within the group who conduct courses from Discover scuba to Dive master. We dive everywhere in the Costa Blanca area and organize weekend trips. CARELINE THEATRE Contact: Candy Wright Tel: 96 558 39 51 kellykats_sl@hotmail.com CARELINE THEATRE is an amateur dramatic theatre group with our own theatre based in Alcalali. Main productions are Spring/Autumn plays & Pantomime in January. Our committee meetings are the second Monday in every month but the actual group gets together whilst rehearsing for productions, or at social events. Careline Theatre (Alcalalí/Alcanalí)

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Societies Clubs & Associations

MEET THE STARS

Blythe Spirit. Her singing with Adagio has been enjoyed by many. Pat told us: “Susie is one of the Performing in a play with the most challenging parts I have Javea Players is a big commitever played. It’s especially fasciment and it consumes a fair nating because I play a blind amount of time, 100 + hours, equivalent to 13 eight hour days woman and it’s quite difficult to of rehearsals plus the time taken stop yourself doing the normal reflex actions of a sighted perto learn lines. So, it’s nice to give public recognition to the ef- son. I often go around the house practicing, I think the family are forts of some of the people inhoping I don’t do it when I’m volved, by telling you a little cooking!" about each of the actors in the Javea Players upcoming proJohn Harding duction of Wait Until Dark by plays the evil Fredrick Knott, directed by character of Cherry Cabban. Roat. Many people know The lead John as a character is very nice Susie a man and find blind girl, fait hard to bemously lieve that he played by could play Audrey Hepsuch a burn, and by wicked character, but John has Pat Doidge 54 years of acting experience to in our prodraw upon. His CV is too long to duction. Pat précis here, suffice to say that is well known as a very compehe has covered the whole range tent and caring nurse on the of theatre from comedies, North Costa Blanca but is also drama, farces, thrillers, music well known for her acting and hall, Greek classical comedy, singing abilities. Her first part musicals and Shakespeare. with the Javea Players was in The Voysey Inheritance and she has gone on to give memorable performances in many other plays including Amadeus and

His recent memorable performance was as “Badger” in “Wind in the Willows”.

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Keith Livesey takes the part of Mike the second baddie. A recent newcomer to the theatrical arts, has proved himself a “natural”, taking parts in comedies such as “What’s For Pudding”, Gruber in “Hello Hello” and his biggest part to date was Norman in “Table Manners”. He is looking forward to playing his first straight role as Mike. Croker, the third baddie is played by Russell Piercey another versatile actor who has performed in a lot of variety shows in the UK. He did justice to a real character part in “Wind in the Willows” as Albert the Horse. Amongst his other many talents he designs, constructs and paints “sets”. He uses these talents once again once again in “Wait Until Dark”.

Gloria is played by the youngest member of the cast, Krissie Hadley. She was a member of Theatre express where she played Razoul in their musical adaptation of Aladdin and narrated Jack & the Beanstalk. Sam, is a small part performed with his usual confidence by John Reynolds. Who has taken several roles with the Javea Players but has made significant contributions back stage as a designer and set builder. He also has an acting CV as long as your arm. As well as his small part he is Stage Managing “Wait until Dark.” Killian Cox, of weasel fame, in “Wind in the Willows” has a small part and has entered the realm of Stage Management, working as John’s assistant Stage Manager. We welcome back Gerard Kirsten, our only Dutch member, back to the stage after a gap of several years.

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Director Cherry Cabban said that Wind in the Willows was her last production but as she has always wanted to direct this challenging play is enjoying directing her 60th production, only some of them with the Javea Players. The very first play she directed was the thriller, Arsenic and Old Lace, after directing dramas, farces, Shakespeare, comedy etc. she has come full circle to a thriller. Javea Players have contributed to charity many times over the years but this is the first time a production has been directly linked to charity. We are donating 1€ for every seat sold to buy sensory stimulation equipment for Ryan, a lad of 13 who lives in Javea and has minimal sight, hearing and speech. We hope it will speed his development. Wait Until Dark is about a blind woman who is terrorized in her own apartment by men looking

for a doll, which unknown to her, contains a fortune in heroin. Through a series of ruses, the mysterious strangers manage to get rid of Susie’s husband and trap her alone in her apartment. As their spinechilling cat and mouse game reaches its climax, their blind victim proves to be an elusive and formidable match. To view our website and all about the play click on the link below.

www.javeaplayers.com To view our 2 minute video about the play on youtube click on the link below

javeaplayers - youtube Performances at theUnion Musical, Gata de Gorgos (lots of free parking next door) every night of the week beginning Nov 30 at 8 pm. Tickets 10€ from Humpty Dumpty, Javea Park or call Mabel on 96 579 4937.

JAVEA PLAYERS www.javeaplayers.com JAVEA PLAYERS are the longest established dramatic society on the Costa Blanca. They stage five productions a year: - a Spring and Autumn production, two Studio Theatre productions and one outdoor production. They hold an open house brunch on the first Sunday of each month at their Studio in Javea. The Membership Secretary is always delighted to welcome new members. Please contact through the website Jávea International Civic Society javeacivicsoc@gmail.com Established June 1988, our Bulletin keeps members informed about matters Civic, Spanish law, Residency, NIE, Rates, Traffic Laws, Health, Taxation, life here in Javea and general features on life in Spain. To join please contact via our email address Javea Computer Club javeacomputerclub@gmail.com www.javeacomputerclub.org The Club meets at The Javea School of Bridge premises, Edificio Arenal 80, Bloque 1 (Sotano), Avenida Tamarits, Javea, three times a week from 9:45am until around 12:30, on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Javea Bridge Club Contact us on 96 646 3671 info@javeabridgeclub.com A long established club where the

members pride themselves on good bridge played in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere. If you are thinking of taking up this fascinating game, we offer tuition for beginners by knowledgeable and experienced teachers. Alternatively, if you are already a player, we can offer "workshop" type tuition to help your game improve. We look forward to welcoming you to our club soon. UFO Discussion/Research Group, Contact Pamela Handford 96 577 1350. We are an international, intellectual membership of people from all the major disciplines - archaeologists, historians, biologists, scientists, civil and military pilots, indeed all walks of life, embracing not only modern ufology, but other major concerns. One of our main planks being the ancient astronauts, the Mayas, Incas, Egyptology and worlds before our own. We meet on the first Friday of each month at 10.30 hrs at the Social Services Centre, by the Police Station, and next to the Clinic. If you are hesitant about joining, come as observers initially, and if you like us then please stay in a friendly and stimulating environment. Dénia Rugby Club Contact Eddie D’Arcy 96 642 35 16 email darcys@wanadoo.es www.denairugbyclub.com Denia RC Senior side play in Valencia League 2. We run Under 14, 12

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Societies Clubs & Associations &10 sides. More details can be found on the website at www.denairugbyclub.com . Senior training is at the Poliesportio, Denia on Wednesday and Friday evenings at 20.30 hrs. Juniors on Saturdays at 4pm. Costa Blanca Mountain Friends Contact Vic Warth 96 647 2089 www.costablancamountainfriends.com email vic.warth@telefonica.net A Mountain Club for fit and experienced hikers only. We meet on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays at various locations as indicated on our website, JaveaAmigos Contact: Mike Smith 600 215 808 info@javeaamigos.com Website www.javeaamigos.com JaveaAmigos is the new international supporters club for CD Javea, the premier football club on the Costa Blanca ... or so we like to think! Our brief is simple: to raise awareness within the international community and galvanise support from that community for our local football club. The future is bright for CD Jávea. Do you want to be part of it? Buenavista Tennis Club, Benissa Contact 96 574 7867 Tennis classes for children: Saturday and Sunday 11.00-12.00 hrs. MiniTennis (3-5 years) Saturday and Sunday 11.00 hrs12.00 hrs. As a member of the club

you are welcome to have a meal at the clubhouse. Club Deportivo Washinkai Karate Ray Sweeney on 637 564 416 www.washinkai.org Club Deportivo Washinkai karate is the Municipal Karate Club of Javea and is founded upon Wado Ryu and therefore contains the kicks and strikes of karate blended with the throws, sweeps, joint locks, chokes and atemi waza of Ju-Jitsu. Chief Instructor is Chris Thompson 8th Dan, Chairman of the Technical Committee of English Karate. Spanish Chief Instructor Ray Sweeney holds a World Karate Federation 3rd Dan Certificate and is a qualified England Karate Coach and Competition Judge. For details of classes please contact Ray Sweeney. Club de Golf La Sella Denia Alquería de Ferrando s/n 03749 Jesús Pobre-Dénia 966 454 252 Club De Golf De Javea Ctra. Benitachell 4 03739 Xabia / Javea 965 792 584 Club de Golf Ifach Urbanización San Jaime Ctra. Moraira-Calpe, km 3 03720 Benissa - Alicante 966 497 114

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Just click on the company you want to view and you will be taken directly to thier advertisement BEAUTY TREATMENTS BEAUTY BY GAYNOR

BOOKS N - GAGE

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ESTATE AGENTS GILES WALKER ESTATES

GIFTS

MOBILE PHONES N - GAGE EUROPA

PHOTOGRAPHY Shoot You Photographic

POSTAL SERVICE N - GAGE

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GREETING CARDS N - GAGE

HAIR STYLISTS HAIR BY LAURA

HEALTH PRODUCTS XANGO

INK CARTRIDGES N - GAGE

INTERNET CAFE N - GAGE

TRAVEL AGENTS GESWIFT TRAVEL

Coming up to the first year anniversary of opening in Javea Port, Andrew and Loria at N-Gage can look back at an exhausting, but thoroughly enjoyable, first year of trading. The N-Gage second-hand bookshop holdsclose on 20,000 books spread through a terrific range of genres, both fiction and non-fiction. N-Gage stocks a very big range of children’s books for all ages, and at prices that even the children’s pocket-money can stand! A very popular element of the bookshop scheme is the customer Loyalty Card which allows customers to accumulate points towards free books. They also keep books in Spanish, French, German and Dutch and there’s even the odd Danish one too!

Avda Rey Jaime 1, 23. Javea Port, 03730. Tel: 96 579 1060 Mobile:

Open Hours: Mon-Fri 9.30am-8pm Sat 9.30am-2pm Sun 9.30am-12.30pm

web: e-mail: n-gagejavea@gmail.com fax:

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Then of course there’s all the rest that goes on in N-Gage - here’s a list, but there is always something new, you’ll have to go in and see! Greetings cards truly fabulous selection with unusual brands only available here.

Stationery selection including diaries and calendars., gift wrap, bags, tags, etc

Fast Internet connection comfortable setting - use our computers or bring your own

Dvd film rentals, best range of genres, over 2000 movies, free membership and only 50 cents per movie per night (special offer until march 2010) Secondhand film dvds, games and music c d’s

Printing Service photocopying, laminating printing. (design and artwork service available) Fax & Scanning Service Ink cartridges for epson, canon especially compatibles that really work! Mail Service royal Mail (offex) service and Spanish Correos stamps sold (postbox outside) Europa mobiles main retailer for Javea, sign up, top up, save money and get help in English!

Mailboxes are you having trouble receiving mail? we will take mail in for you. Property window no commission display section to sell or rent your property affordably! Confectionery English sweets and chocolates and finally, a great place to get a bit of impartial advice, opinion and if we can help, we will...

SPECIAL OFFER ON GREETINGS CARDS BETWEEN NOW AND CHRISTMAS 2009

LOYALTY CARD FOR EACH 3 EUROS YOU SPEND, YOU ACCUMULATE ONE (1) POINT. ON REACHING 10 POINTS WE GIVE YOU 3€ TO SPEND ON MORE CARDS (sorry, cannot be used with other card offers or on boxed Christmas cards)

BEAUTY BY GAYNOR Facial Skincare and Massage Therapist Specialising in Non-Surgical Facials Fully Qualified and Professional Service Bio Ultimate Non-Surgical Facial €40 Lifts facial contours, rejuvenates and hydrates skin leaving you looking and feeling visibly younger

Indian Head Massage - €20 An extremely effective treatment for the relief of stress and all related problems

Luxury Facial - €35 A full facial treatment including cleanse, tone, massage, mask and moisturiser

Conditioning Foot Treatment - €20 Includes foot spa, removal of hard skin, massage to feet and lower legs, nail tidy and clear polish

Aromatherapy Massage - from €20 Using fragrant essential oils to help you relax and unwind - full body or back, neck and shoulders

To make an appointment please call 96 619 7132 or 650 723 966

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HAIR BY

For your home appointment Call

666 314 484

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GILES WALKER PROPERTIES SPANISH PROPERTY CONSULTANTS

Giles Walker Properties Javea is a well established Estate Agent in Javea, on the Northern Costa Blanca-Spain located in Javea’s old fishing port, serving clients from all over the world. We are a small independent company staffed by a team of experienced professionals who live here in the best part of Spain, preferring to take a small, family orientated approach, working with you on a personal basis, treating you as VERY IMPORTANT individuals. Working from our spacious offices in the centre of Javea Port, we seek to offer a personal and genuinely interested attitude achieving the goals of both the buyers and the vendors, and not waste the time of either party by showing unsuitable properties to buyers.

We guarantee integrity, loyalty and total confidentiality whilst seeking the best deal for you. We are able to offer our buyers: Tailor made, informal one to one viewing trips based upon a bespoke portfolio drawn up & agreed with you prior to your arrival, confidential advice on what you can realistically purchase with your budget. Access to all types of Property for Sale in the areas covered by GilesWalker Properties and it’s associates which includes all the best areas of the Northern Costa Blanca. Introductions to multi-lingual Spanish lawyers, bankers, notaries, accountants, architects and investment advisors. Access to secure and professional builders for new-builds or renovations, with Project Management, which includes regular Progress & Status Reports, Photographs and ISSUE MANAGEMENT. Recommendations for: Restaurants Dentists Doctors Insurance Providers Security Alarms Furniture Shops Theatres Community Associations Leisure Pursuits Garden Centres Landscape Gardeners Pool Maintenance

We are able to oﬀer our vendors: Free, honest and realistic appraisals of the market value of your property Total transparency throughout the selling process Comprehensive sales particulars of your property, to what we believe is the most in depth available here on the Northern Costa Blanca Access to a wide audience of potential buyers, both here in Spain, across Europe and beyond Multiple and Multi-Lingual marketing channels for your property, making the best use of technology and traditional means to advertise your property Above all we recognise the importance of quality service and choice, and the fact that you have a choice. We take a great pride in all our dealings with our clients, providing both a mature and what we believe to be professional approach.

Avda. JaimeI, 16. Puerto de Javea, 03730 JAVEA, Alicante. Tel: 966 463 118 - Fax: 965 795 937 email: info@gileswalkerproperties.com web: www.gileswalkerproperties.com

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The shop for great Indonesian food to enjoy now or keep for later.

Now open in Jávea and oﬀering a wide variety of constantly changing dishes including vegetarian options that are easy to reheat

GESWIFT MULTISERVICE AGENCY INDEPENDANT TRAVEL AND TOURS

Telf: E-Mail: Web:

(+34) 966 481 255 info@geswifttravel.com www.geswifttravel.com

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Centro Commercial La Teulera 10, (Above Hamiltons Estate Agents) Jalón / Xaló, 03727 Alicante España

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SHOOTâ&#x20AC;&#x2C6;YOU PHOTOGRAPHIC Keith Lockyer has been a professional photographer for more than twenty years. Up until two years ago owning and running a photographic studio in East London England. Now living in Spain permanently, and with an ideal space becoming available, he is opening a studio here in Javea Port. So for all your photographic needs just give us a call or send us an email.

WEDDINGS - CHRISTENINGS - FIRST COMMUNIONS - LADIES NIGHTS - DINNER DANCES - FANCY DRESS - PORTRAITS

ALL AT REALISTIC PRICES!!! Call Keith on: 966 197 132 or 646 557 480 Email: keith@shootyou.biz Website: www.shootyou.biz

Thank you for taking the time to surf our e-magazine Should you wish to support us with your advertising or make constructive criticism please contact us on the email below or pop into N-GAGE in the port We look forward to your participation. editor@vidapublications.com