THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 2017
How do you know you are in love? COVER ILLUSTRATION BY EVAN MORRIS INTERVIEWS BY KATELYN PROVOW
THE VIDETTE | SEX IN THE BIRDHOUSE | PAGE 5
“When you know each other’s orders at each other’s favorite restaurant.” Haley Gehring freshman elementary education and Spanish major
“When you look at them and know you want to be with them for the rest of your life.” Mike Roberts junior music education major
“When the best part of your day is seeing that person.”
“When you can sing terribly in front of each other in the car.”
Emilio Lopez junior special education major
Jared Campbell sophomore business administration major
“When you can be completely yourself around that person and feel comfortable.”
“When the girl behind you is smoking hot, but nothing beats your lady’s smile.”
“When you care about them more than yourself and put their needs before your own.”
Halie Heidkamp freshman English major
Quinn Butler sophomore renewable energy major
Mayah Wiser freshman psychology major
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 2017
THE VIDETTE | SEX IN THE BIRDHOUSE | PAGE 6
Understand the ‘A’ in LGBTQIA Common misconceptions surrounding asexuality LAUREN LEADY Copy Editor | @laurenleadyISU
A
lthough many people believe the “A” in LGBTQIA stands for ally, it actually stands for asexuality. The common misconception is problematic and it proves that asexuality is widely ignored and misunderstood. In a heteronormative society, the full spectrum of sexuality is unclear and even nonexistent to many people. Heteronormativity assumes that people will fall into the heterosexual category. The word asexual and the meaning of being asexual is uncommon knowledge. The invisibility of asexual people shows the importance in understanding asexuality and its presence in society. Asexuality is an identity for people. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network defines asexuality as “someone who does not experience sexual attraction.” Some asexual people do not have sexual feelings for others and may not experience sexual feelings at all. It is important to understand that asexuality has its own sexuality spectrum in itself. Some individuals may feel zero sexual attraction, while others only have sexual feelings with a deep connection to another person. This is called demisexuality. There are many gray areas in relation to the sexuality spectrum. People in the gray tend to identify in the middle of sexual interest and asexuality. Additionally, it is important to understand that sexuality is different from romantic feelings. Asexual individuals can have romantic feelings for others. They can have romantic relationships, but not the need or drive for the sexual elements. Many asexual people
feel attraction, but there is no need to act sexually on the attraction. In addition, asexual people can feel romantic attraction to anyone; they can date individuals of any gender or sexuality. Asexuality is not equal to celibacy, virginity or a low sex drive. Asexual individuals are often times safe and comfortable in their identities and do not want to change their sexual desires. Being asexual is an inherent part of a person, not a choice. Even though asexuality seems to reject sexuality altogether, it is more of an identity claim and way to embrace sexuality. After defining asexuality, it is important to understand the issues surrounding the “A” standing for ally. The first issue is that being an ally is not an identity. Asexuality is an identity like being gay or bisexual are identities, as well as the G and B in LGBTQIA. Claiming the letter stands for ally is essentially erasing an important part of someone else’s identity. In effect, it erases asexuality completely, which is dehumanizing. Not being able to claim a part of an identity is detrimental for some people. Being an ally means taking action and supporting those who do not possess the same privileges. Allies are not oppressed in the ways that people in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and intersex communities are oppressed. It is also important to know that asexual people are not oppressed as other people in the LGBTQIA community are oppressed. Asexual people do not face the same human rights issues as other people in the community face on a daily basis, like not being able to get a job or having a place to live. That only names a small amount of the huge number of systemic denial of rights they face. Asexual people face hardships in society; they are misunderstood and ignored in many communities, but never denied rights due to lack of sexuality.
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See ASEXUALITY page 7
Surviving heartbreak Find comfort in these breakup songs Ain’t No Sunshine by Bill Withers
So Sick
by Ne-Yo
Cry Me a River
by Justin Timberlake
Lost & Found
by Lianne La Havas
So What by P!nk
You Don’t Know What You’ve Got
by Joan Jett
Gives You Hell
by The All-American Rejects
Point of Being Right
by Shannon & the Clams
Dancing On My Own by Robyn
It’s Too Late
by Carole King Listen to these & more breakup-inspired songs at https://goo.gl/3h3wYk Compiled by ANYA MALLEY | Night Editor | @Amalley_vidette
THE VIDETTE | SEX IN THE BIRDHOUSE | PAGE 7
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 2017
Protect yourself before you wreck yourself Know the available options for birth control, STD protection and safe sex times stops ovulation from occurring. The copper IUD has no hormones and can last up to 12 years, while hormonal IUDs last around three years; either can be removed at any time. Side effects include lower abdominal pain when it is inserted, worse cramping with periods and irregular and heavier periods.
HALEY VARNES Copy Editor | @haley_varnes
Choosing a form of birth control can be stressful. Many factors determine which option is best for you, such as effectiveness, hormone control and costs. The most important action to take is to talk to a doctor about available options. Here is a list of possibilities. This list is not comprehensive, however, so do your own research to decide which method is right for you.
The shot
The implant A birth control implant is a small stick inserted in the arm that secretes the hormone progestin to stop the user from getting pregnant. Not only does the hormone thicken mucus in the cervix so that sperm cannot fertilize any eggs, it also Jenna Kadziulis | Vidette Photo Editor stops ovulation from occurring so no eggs Students can check with their health care provider or with Student Health Services to explore birth are released. The implant lasts up to four control options. years, but can be removed by your doctor at any time. It is common to experience trol, but requires the most work. The pill also The IUD irregular bleeding or heavy periods after the disperses hormones to the body to stop ovulaAn Intrauterine Device (IUD) is a small implant is administered, but one in three ustion from occurring. The main hang-up with T-shaped device that is inserted directly into ers stop getting a period after one year with the pill is that it must be taken every day at the uterus. It may sound scary, but is a safe the implant. Negative side effects are rare the same time to effectively prevent pregnancy. and long-lasting option. There are two types but include ovarian cysts, infection around Delaying or skipping a pill has been known to of IUDs: hormonal and copper. The hormonal insertion site, nausea and weight gain. result in pregnancy. Lesser-known side effects IUDs emit the hormone progestin directly of the pill are lower sex drive, spotting between to the uterus, which, similar to the implant, The pill periods and nausea. changes the mucus of the uterus and someThis is the most common form of birth con-
Effective for up to three months, the shot is administered by a nurse and prevents pregnancy. Being that it does not have to be taken every day, it is more convenient than the pill, but similar in that it should be taken on time for optimal prevention (every 12-13 weeks). The shot administers progestin directly to the bloodstream, and receiving it within the first seven days of a period is immediately effective. If it is taken at any other time, another form of contraception should be taken for about a week. Women have reported hair loss, increased facial hair, depression and headaches after receiving the shot.
The condom The easiest form of birth control on the market in that it does not require a prescription is the condom. Condoms are usually made of latex and are the only form of birth control on this list to prevent pregnancy and STDs. If used correctly, they are about 82 percent effective in preventing pregnancy.
Embrace power of singledom MY VIEW KEVIN SCHWALLER | Columnist
W
hy don’t you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? We have all been asked this question. I have, at least. Multiple times. It’s exhausting, really. The real question is, why aren’t you single? There’s a good chance that most of the time, columnists write about being single in a positive light to help convince themselves that it’s okay to be single. I am not one of those columnists. Before I venture further, I must say that I am not anti-relationships. Single people who absolutely detest couples are more annoying than said couples. But, I really, really, really like being single. And all you single people out there should, too! As an only child, I value alone time. It’s probably my favorite thing. While it’s nice to have a partner to spend time with, I like having the option to get drinks with friends or binge-watch the entirety of “Shameless” in five days. And when you’re single for as long as I’ve been, you learn how to do both quite nicely. I don’t mean to brag any more than I already have, but single people not only get the entire bed, but all the blankets, too.
ASEXUALITY
continued from page 6
“Asexuality is an orientation that may seem new and confusing to a lot of people — similar to the concept of non-binarism, pansexuality and other identities,” junior special education major specializing in deaf and hard of hearing Sophie Gimble said. “While asexual individuals
We don’t have to wake up in the middle of the night with our partner hogging all the blankets and the only snoring we have to deal with is our own. It’s also nice dodging the major bullet known as the holidays. There’s one less family you must worry about (you know how they can get during the holidays) and you don’t have to spend as much money on gifts. Our generation is delaying marriage longer and longer; we don’t feel the rush to jump on the wedding bandwagon as quickly anymore. I will admit, wrapping my head around the idea of surrendering my legacy relationship status scares me. Singledom almost feels like it has become part of my identity, and I embrace it. To be honest, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be in a grown-up relationship – I don’t think my friends could imagine me in any kind of relationship. Eventually, I’ll want to find “The One.” Settling down and getting into fights over what to eat for dinner with my significant other is on my to-do list, but is it so bad that I’m not in a hurry? Maybe one day, but certainly not now. While some of my friends are in relationships, I’d like to argue that the best time to be single is during the college years. As a freshman, you leave home and enter a world where nobody knows you. It’s the perfect chance to reinvent yourself, learn what you like and wish to become.
College is the time to find who you are and what you want to do with your life. Sadly, crushes and relationships can often cloud judgement. It’s important to learn to do things on your own, and I reflect on my time thus far acknowledging the accomplishments I made without having to compromise them for a significant other. I’m the guy who jokes about being single with couples, who laughs when his friends try to find someone to set him up with. I’m more than comfortable with being alone and joking about it with anyone willing to listen, so it’s totally understandable if you go home from a party thanking God you’re not me. I go home, eat a lot of cheese and go to bed. I feel bad for those who hate being single more than life itself. You shouldn’t have to feel less about yourself just because there isn’t someone there telling you how great you are. I know I’m the best, and the only validation I need is from myself. However, I’m totally okay with other people reminding me too. Also, if you’re in a relationship, you can’t truly get down to Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies.” So, ask me again about why I’m not in a relationship.
may not face the same oppression that others in the LGBT+ community do, the idea of asexuality should be discussed and spread around so that it becomes commonplace.” It is important for people to recognize that sexualities come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Labeling sexuality in one or two terms is incredibly restricting for some. Asexuality needs
recognition and understanding in society so those asexual individuals can feel connected to others, safe in their identity and accepted by others. “No one deserves to feel broken, and talking about sexuality — or the lack thereof — can often help people find themselves,” Gimble said.
Kevin Schwaller is a news reporter and columnist for The Vidette. He can be reached at vidette_kschwal@ilstu.edu. Follow him on Twitter @kevschwa.
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THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 2017
PAGE 8 | SEX IN THE BIRDHOUSE | THE VIDETTE
Love is worth the balancing act
MY VIEW TOM HEAGNEY | Columnist
T Tiffany Morrison | Vidette Photographer
Junior communication science and disorders major Julia Chung and junior sociology major Ryan Mallon will celebrate their two-year anniversary in March.
Surprise your sweetheart Impress your date this Valentine’s Day while staying in Blo-No TIFFANY MORRISON News Reporter | @MorrisonTiffany
Love is in the air in the Bloomington-Normal area as students and citizens try to find the perfect activity for Valentine’s Day with their significant others. In spirit of the holiday, Uptown Normal is hosting Uptown Covered in Chocolate from 4 to 7 p.m. Thursday. Beyond Normal, Fabulous Affairs, Garlic Press, Ohm Fit, The Pod, Solid Gold Jewelers and Uptown Gifts will all be offering complimentary food and drinks as well as sales on their products. Medici, Stave Wine Bar, Sugar Mama Bakery, Insomnia Cookies, Emack & Bolio’s, Coffeehouse & Deli and Coffee Hound will also be offering incredible specials for love birds. Not only will participants drool over the sugar overload, but they might just find a special Valentine’s Day gift for their significant others as well. “I saw this the other day advertised in the Coffee Hound and I thought to myself, wow that’s so cute! I might have to just go and take advantage of all the food samples,” elementary education major Sabrina Jaffer said. The McLean County Museum of History
is also offering a Movies Under the Dome experience at 7 p.m. Tuesday in the museum’s Governor Fifer Courtroom for all those history fanatics out there. The showing will be the classic 1939 “Young Mr. Lincoln” directed by John Ford and starring Henry Fonda. Attendees will be able to enjoy the Valentine’s Day photo booth along with raffles. They can also check out the newest exhibit within the museum called Abraham Lincoln in McLean County. For those who want more of the fancy, romantic experience many restaurants around the Blo-No area are providing special packages or set menus for Valentine’s Day with a reservation. Some of these restaurants offering specials include Epiphany Farms and Medici. “My boyfriend and I get so caught up in getting quick take-out or making quick dinners all the time so it’s really nice to get dressed up and get like a steak or something. We usually do that instead of doing little gifts,” junior Julia Chung said. “Last year we went to Jim’s Steak House and it was incredible.” If an outdoor setting seems more appealing, check out Maxwell Park, a hidden gem of BloNo. This park at West Gregory Street and North Parkside Road has a multitude of activities.
Enjoy a nice picnic, check out the dog park, play disc golf or tennis, explore the hiking trails and so much more. The Miller Park Zoo is also a more creative option, where couples can daydream over adorably furry critters while enjoying each other’s company. For movie lovers, AMC Starplex Normal 14 will be playing “Fifty Shades Darker,” the sequel of the popular “Fifty Shades of Grey,” on Valentine’s Day. “I didn’t really like the first movie very much but this one looks a lot better and I’m really excited for it. I’m definitely seeing it for Valentine’s Day,” junior Jasharra Clark said. As much as some couples enjoy treating each other to extravagant meals and day activities, some prefer to spend Valentine’s Day in the comfort of their homes. “I’m pretty easy when it comes to Valentine’s Day. I’m probably going to have my boyfriend cook for me and then we’ll watch some movies together and call it a night,” junior Kelly Meyer said. No matter what each couple likes to do, there is a little bit of everything for everyone this Valentine’s Day in Bloomington-Normal.
Toast yourself with holiday bar specials Valentine’s Day does not have to be a huge romantic occasion. If you don’t buy into the holiday, you’re single or your idea of a fun date includes less fancy events and more alcohol, here are some Blo-No bar specials you can check out:
Fat Jacks A beloved favorite in downtown Bloomington, Fat Jacks doesn’t disappoint. Tuesday, on Valentine’s Day, the bar will offer $2 red and white shots along with $3 pint specials. It will host its weekly Twin City Trivia night with Valentine’s Day themed questions starting at 7 p.m. It is free to play and trivia teams can consist of one to six members. The team that comes dressed in the best holiday attire will win a prize along with the usual first and second place winners. Don’t forget to take a picture along the wall with your real Valentine’s Day date — Jack Nicholson.
Drifters Pub If you’d like to avoid playing games when pursuing a Valentine’s date, Drifter’s Stoplight Party is the place to go. Upon arrival, each participant will receive a color-coordinated glow bracelet. Red signifies you are taken, yellow — it’s complicated or green — you’re single. The drink specials include 75-cent Wells drinks, $2 Vegas Bombs, $2 Long Islands and $2 Four Loko shots. There is no cover and DJ Vamp will start the event at 10 p.m. Thursday.
Michelle Carrico | Vidette Photographer
Junior special education majors Amy Rowe and Jack Mullowney look forward to the Valentine’s Day bar specials at Pub II.
The Bistro
Pub II
If you are looking for entertainment along with refreshments, The Bistro is the place to go. The downtown Bloomington gay bar is hosting its Valentine’s Love Affair event Friday. There will be a drag show which the bar boasts will include some of its favorite performers: Freddy Fahrenheit, Foxie ShareAlike and Ceduxion Carrington. The event is hosted by Sharon ShareAlike and DJ Rakestraw. There is no cover and the doors open at 8 p.m.
If you’re looking for more of a relaxed environment, go to the Pub II on Tuesday. The bar will be having a Love at the Pub event from 4 to 10 p.m. You could get you and your sweetheart’s picture featured on the Pub II’s Instagram account and maybe even win a prize.
Compiled by KARALYN COLLAZO | Supplement Editor
here’s no getting around it; relationships in your early 20s can be extremely hard. Coming to terms with who you are and where you fit into the world is difficult enough on your own, but when you add another human being to that equation it becomes exponentially more complex. So how exactly do you know whether your relationship is right for you, and if it is how do you go about managing it? For me at least, it starts with happiness. The question you should ask yourself regularly is “am I happier in my relationship than I would be on my own?” You need to be honest with yourself. If the answer to the question is a definitive “yes,” how do you go about balancing college life and your relationship? It all starts with moderation. To have a relationship that will be sustainable in the long-term, it is best to establish clear boundaries that will allow you and your partner to continue leading independent lives. While this may be difficult to do at first, it’s imperative that you are not constantly with your significant other so you have space to properly develop on your own. Now don’t get me wrong, the “proper” amount of contact in a relationship is dependent on the two individuals who comprise it. If seeing one another every day is your thing, go for it! However it’s important to leave occasional days for one another to decompress, pursue hobbies and maintain friendships. On the other end of the spectrum, it’s important not to forget about your significant other when life gets busy. There’s no question that when life gets really stressful, more time alone can be for the best. With that in mind, it’s important to not allow familiarity and stability with your significant other to breed complacency. Even if you don’t have the time or energy for big displays of affection, it’s crucial to remember the little things. Failure to do so can lead your relationship to its quick demise at the hands of resentment, alienation and even the attention of another person. With this in mind, it’s important to remember that support and affection during stressful times is a two-way street. If your partner is stressed and in need of time to decompress, you must graciously accept that need. If you begin to feel forgotten or that you are not seeing them enough, speak up! There is nothing worse than allowing an issue to brew over the course of weeks or even months by not being direct. Perhaps most importantly to a successful college relationship is long-term commitment. At this stage in life, if you don’t see a future with the person you’re with, you shouldn’t be dating them. If you do, you should hold that commitment near and dear. Even in the toughest of times, knowing that it’s simply part of a bigger journey can make all the difference in remaining with one another. At the end of the day, you should be extremely thankful if you are lucky enough to have a stable relationship during the tumultuous years of college. While the presence of another person during such a transformative time can undoubtedly present a large challenge, it can also be exceptionally rewarding after all, you have someone to share in the experience. So long as you make sure you’ve got the right person and you’re both committed to making things work, hold onto that person with all you’ve got.