Blood drive will save many lives and honor one

Diane A. Rhodes

Special to the Valley News

Ellen Tichy watched her daughter Cassi lose her battle to Ewing sarcoma on May 20, 2018. On the fifth anniversary of that loss, Tichy is hosting a blood drive in San Jacinto to help others in need while honoring her daughter’s memory and bringing awareness to the need for more childhood cancer research.

On Saturday, May 20, from 11:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., a LifeStream bloodmobile will be parked at the San Jacinto Stater Bros. market, 1537 S. San Jacinto Ave., to receive life-saving donations.

Tichy, of Hemet, works closely with LifeStream to host monthly blood drives in the community. It helps the blood bank replenish their blood supply which is experiencing a critical shortage. She is hoping to have at least 50 donors at this upcoming event, “ten for every year of this heartbreaking separation” from her daughter.

“I look forward to giving blood because I know I’m helping others,” Tichy said, who tries to donate every 56 days, the allotted time frame set by LifeStream. “When Cassi needed 50-plus units of platelets and blood (during her treatments) I always wondered who had been generous enough to donate.”

Tichy is encouraging donors to wear yellow, Cassi’s favorite color, to honor her memory. She said that while her daughter is not physically here, “her spirit of light and love continues to shine ever so brightly.”

While walk-ins are always welcome, Tichy is requesting that potential donors make an appointment as soon as possible so their wait time can be minimized and she can better organize the event. To make an appointment, visit lstream.org/sanjacinto and mention code REPLCT21 to donate blood in honor of Cassi.

In recent years, Tichy has partnered with Wings for Ewing Sarcoma, a nonprofit started by a young ballerina with the disease, and her mother, Sandra.

Chiara Valle, of New York, was diagnosed in 2018 and has been out of treatment for about four years but still has regular screenings. Her cancer had not metastasized as was the case with Cassi.

“This charity will also benefit from any blood donations on May 20,” Tichy said. In March, thanks to the efforts by Tichy and generous blood donors, LifeStream was able to present a $2,500 check to the Wings for Ewing Sarcoma nonprofit.

Ellen Tichy, holding flowers, at a LifeStream blood drive on New Year’s Eve 2020, which would have been her daughter’s 21st birthday.

Tichy said Cassi was diagnosed with the rare childhood bone cancer when she was 15 and spent 32 months fighting it. She has kept her daughter’s memory alive through advocacy for more research and awareness campaigns that will help others stricken with the disease. And also by hosting regular blood drives as a way to give the gift of life to others.

LifeStream’s website states, “Blood donations are urgently needed now to protect lifesaving treatments in your community.”

It also shares information such as the fact that one donation can help multiple patients because following collection, red blood cells, plasma and platelets are separated, stored and distributed separately.

Platelets are especially in need by cancer patients and must be used within five days of collection, a reason why new donations are

Valley News/Diane A. Rhodes photo

The Coach’s Couch Emotional and verbal abuse, part 1

he’s never hit me!” she blurted out, somehow finding solace in her own response. Jane* was a victim of abuse, but not physical. If you looked to find bruises or scars, they were there… but not visible to the naked eye. You see her abuse, she carried on the inside, and it was invisible to everyone else…except her. Jane was a victim of emotional and verbal abuse.

According to Mentalhealth.net

49.23% of women in the United States suffered emotional and verbal abuse last year and those statistics are climbing. But before we tackle such topics as what is passive- aggressive behavior, what is brainwashing, setting boundaries, gaslighting and much more, let us define what emotional and verbal abuse really is.

Emotional abuse is any ongoing, negative behavior used to control or hurt another person. It can show up as consistent indifference or continual belittling of character, but always crushing our self-confidence or wearing away our sense of worth.

Verbal abuse is the systematic, ongoing use of harmful words, attempting to control or dominate another person. While caustically “cutting” away at the person’s selfesteem, using degrading words that entail accusing, bullying, yelling, ridiculing, and lies.

You may (or may not) realize that you are a victim of both types of abuse. Most of the time, you cannot have one without the other. There are several reasons this might be hard (at first) to determine. You blame yourself for the other person’s (partner, friend, family member, coworker etc.) behavior.

Maybe you said or did something wrong, to elicit their response. It is your fault, so you deserve the way they treat you. From intimidation, indoctrination, degrading and labeling, you begin to doubt yourself, then dismiss your own feelings as being irrational.

Please explore with me now, as we meet three bright, accomplished women who, though different in many respects, shared the trauma of emotional and verbal abuse.

Let me tell you first, about Malinda*, a woman who by all standards, was very accomplished, well-liked, loved by her family and friends and owned her own home. Malinda eventually fell in love and got married. Her husband was an attorney, who was a partner in a prestigious law firm, graduating from a big five college. She worked part-time in an office and attended a local community college.

At first, she thought she had “hit the lottery.” He would send her

10% of the population eligible to donate blood actually does so.

In preparation for donating, eat a hearty meal and drink plenty of fluids. Bring a photo ID with proof of age. Donors under the age of 17 must bring a signed LifeStream parental consent form. To learn more about blood donations, visit www.lstream. org or call 800-879-4484. For more information, www. wingsforewingsarcoma.org and #shinebrightcassi.

Cassi Tichy died in 2018 from Ewing sarcoma, a rare childhood cancer. Valley News/Courtesy photo continuously needed. While no one wants to be in the position of needing blood to maintain health, to battle disease or to recover from injury, the site states that 1 in 4 people, at some point, will require a blood transfusion. Yet currently, less than flowers just because it was Monday, ran her bath water and complimented her on everything from cooking to the way she dressed.

All Malinda’s girlfriends were envious…until things started to change…At first, it was very subtle. He commented that she looked like she was gaining a little weight, maybe they should hire a housekeeper because it looked like she needed help. Then he upped his game. He remarked that the garage was so full of her “stuff” he wondered if she had “hoarding” issues, or was incapable of having his dinner on the table promptly at 5 p.m.?

Slowly, his tone started to change when he wanted her to do something he requested. If she did not comply right way, he would start to “badger” or “shame” her into doing it, raising his voice. This was followed by name calling and profanity. When she tried to tell him that she was sorry, he would just call her stupid or other derogatory names. Always, after making her cry…the next day she would receive flowers, which made her doubt her own sanity.

Another victim of emotional and verbal abuse was Lori,* a mother who came to see me who was “terrified” of her grown daughter. Any time they were together, the daughter would constantly ridicule her, inferring she was getting old, her way of doing things stupid and her help useless. Micromanaging everything she did while in her presence, my client constantly was walking on eggshells and fearful. The result of this relationship was severe stress and depression.

Our third victim is Debra*, a sales and marketing manager for a large corporate hotel. Divorced and raising a five-year-old child on her own, she set the bar high for herself. Beautiful, outgoing and intelligent, she had it all…and that made her a “triple” threat to four other women who were co-workers. This “click” tried to undermine anything she said or did at work. In staff meetings they would all sit together, roll their eyes when she spoke, finding fault with every idea she came up with. Continually, condescending and rude, it finally reached a point where she cried every day, hated going to work, and started medicating herself.

All three women were victims of emotional and verbal abuse, but each was “served-up” differently. In part two of this topic next week, we will discuss the tools needed to equip yourself (or someone you know) to go from victim to victor!

*All names used in this article are fictitious.