Movie review: ‘Transformers: Rise of the Beasts’

Bob Garver Special to the Valley News

Few blockbuster franchises are as reviled by critics as “Transformers.” The 2007 original and its 2009 sequel “Revenge of the Fallen” both have special places among the worst movies of all time. Later sequels weren’t exactly improvements –though 2018 spinoff “Bumblebee” was surprisingly well reviewed – but they didn’t inspire the same vitriol, if only because everyone knew to lower their expectations. Still, the “Transformers” brand is associated with eyesore special effects, nauseating mechanical whooshing noises and unfunny comedy. Director Michael Bay is out, as apparently even he’s sick of these movies, but Steven Caple Jr. steps in seamlessly to ensure that the new movie is still a blemish on the summer movie calendar.

Having said that, I’ll start off with a compliment: at least I like the main human this time. Original lead Shia LaBeouf was almost as insufferable on screen as he was off, and all-American bohunk Mark Wahlberg was bland. But Anthony Ramos manages to inject enough charm into underwritten, down-onhis-luck ex-soldier Noah Diaz that he sails right over that low bar to be the most affable human yet. Danielle Fishback as artifacts expert Elena Wallace isn’t quite the best second banana in the series – that would be Isabel Moner from “The Last

Knight” – but at least she’s better than the sleazily objectified love interests from the LaBeouf era. Noah and Elena soon find themselves in the middle of a war between the good Autobots, this time aligned with a new race called Maximals and the evil Terrorcons.

The Autobots, as always, are led by Optimus Prime, played by Peter Cullen, and feature load-carrying member Bumblebee, though this time the human’s entry point isn’t Bee, but Mirage, played by Pete Davidson, a trickster that likes undercover work. The Maximals are led by gorilla-like Maximus Primal, played by Ron Perlman, though the show is stolen by recent Oscar winner Michelle Yeoh as the falcon-esque Airazor. They’re all banding together to stop worlddevourer Unicron, played by Colman Domingo, and his army, led by Scourge, played by Peter Dinklage. The interplanetary war comes down to a battle over an artifact, and the various heroes aren’t on the same page about whether to protect it or destroy it, so they all need to learn a lesson about teamwork and sacrifice. Once they do, it’s just a matter of the usual clanging and whooshing.

The movie makes the odd decision to set itself in 1994, which gives the filmmakers an excuse to throw some mid-90’s hip-hop on the soundtrack – Bumblebee gets the best music cue, big surprise – but there’s little reason other than that.

Cook cucumbers? Why not!

Not that Earth is likely to get eaten by Unicron anyway, but the stakes seem lower knowing that we made it to 1995. Similarly, we know that Optimus Prime and Bumblebee are going to make it to 2007, so there’s no need to worry about their fates here, even when Bumblebee is apparently killed for the umpteenth time before whatever resurrection they have planned for this installment.

“Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” gives people exactly what they expect from a “Transformers” movie, but much less than what they should expect from a blockbuster. It had the bad fortune to come out the week following the best blockbuster of the year in “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse,” a film that will probably overtake it at the box office next weekend because this movie is so disposable. The film ends with a promise to soon cross over with another franchise, one whose last installment was “Transformers”-level bad without the admitted commercial success. It might not be so bad if they bring Ramos along for the ride, but I know better than to hold these movies to a high standard.

Grade: C-

“Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action and violence and language. Its running time is 127 minutes. Contact Bob Garver at rrg251@ nyu.edu.

Homemade sauces for beef and pork are simple and satisfying

Judith Bell

Food Editor

Somewhere in my culinary experiences, I was taught “you can cook anything.” Add to that admonition was the caveat: how it tastes will tell you if you ever want to do that again!

Thus, when I was given the opportunity to braise cucumbers, I did it and was pleasantly pleased with the result. The cucumbers must not be overcooked. Remove from the heat while still crisp-tender and you’ll likely enjoy a “new” veggie. It also is an unusual veggie to accompany delicate foods such as grilled fish and roasted chicken. Guests may seem a wee bit surprised by the cooked cucumber. Simply reassure your guests that you, too, were once a skeptic.

Braised Cucumbers

• 3 medium cucumbers

• 1/3 cup water

• 1 tsp fresh chopped dill

• 1 chicken bouillon cube

Peel cucumbers and trim ends. Slice peeled cucumbers on the bias into medium-thick slices.

Bring water to a boil. Add bouillon cube. Add cucumbers and cook only until cucumbers are crisply tender (al dente). Drain and toss with dill. 3-4 servings

Food manufacturers keep com- ing up with so many new packaged foods, it seems the home cook doesn’t have to do anything but shop and buy their creations. The following two sauces repudiate that idea. Both have such interesting and intriguing flavors they’d likely to not appeal to the national palate.

At our house, the Smokey Sauce for Beef has probably been used with almost every cut of beef imaginable…from a beef brisket that is very slowly cooked at a very low temperature to a quickly seared steak. We simply love its flavor (I always double the recipe.)

Smokey Sauce for Beef

• ¼ cup vinegar

• ½ cup water

• 2 tsp. brown sugar

• 1 tsp. yellow mustard

• ½ tsp. pepper

• 1 ½ tsp. salt

• 2 thin slices lemon

• 1 thick slice onion

• ¼ cup butter

• ½ cup catsup

• 2 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce

• 1 ½ tsp. liquid smoke

Mix vinegar, water, brown sugar, mustard, pepper, salt, lemon, onion and butter. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer uncovered for 20 minutes. Strain. Add remaining ingredients and bring to a boil. Use as a basting sauce

Bob’s Favorite BBQ Sauce for Spareribs

• 2 (4 ½ ounce) jars apricot baby food

• ½ cup brown sugar

• 1/3 cup catsup

• ½ cup vinegar

• 1/3 cup fresh lemon juice

• 2 tsp. soy sauce

• 2 tsp. ground ginger

• ½ tsp. salt

• 2 cloves garlic, minced

• ½ cup hickory-flavored bottled barbecue sauce (Open Pit recommended)

Valley News/Adobe Stock photo or roasting sauce for beef. Makes about 1 ½ cups of sauce. (Recipe can be doubled.) When my husband and I were dating, I made this BBQ sauce with the unlikely ingredient of apricot baby food. He loved it. We married and I am still making this sauce and he is still loving it. Need I say more?

Combine baby food, brown sugar, catsup and vinegar. Heat and blend well. Remove from heat. Add remaining ingredients. Bring to a simmer. Use for pork spareribs or other grilled pork cuts. (Recipe can be doubled.)

TEMECULA – Old Town Temecula Association announced its annual Summer Sunset Taste of Old Town, which will be held Tuesday, July 25, from 5-8:30 p.m. Tickets are $30 per person and available at http://OldTownTemecula.org or $40 at the door while supplies last.

Attendees will stroll through Old Town Temecula enjoying food samplings from a variety of Old Town restaurants and retailers. Live music will be at select locations from 5:30-8:30 p.m. Participating stores will be open late for shopping.

For more information, email info@OldTownTemecula.org or call 951-350-4413. Submitted by Old Town Temecula Association.