York Vision 200 - Scene

Scene Oct 13 Issue 200

Bombay Bicycle Club

Tracy Chevalier ds

Marina and the Diamon

Simon Bird

MUSIC

SPOTLIGHT

HOPE IN TIMES OF RECESSION

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TV

GAMES

BOOKS

MUSIC NEWS

CULTURE

STEFAN PHILPOTTS reveals all the latest news and gossip from over the summer

ALFRED NOBLE GETTIN' JIGGY WIT IT STUDENTS have nothing more to dread than moving out into the adult world in times of such uncertainty. But then we have summers like these when we have such positive news. Like how Robbie Williams has finally made a comeback... Or how they're looking to clamp down on downloading music for free, which I guess is good depending on how you look at it... Blur came back for a bit though, but then they told us they'd probably never come back again... Hmm, struggling a bit here.

LISTINGS

WILL SMITH is apparently hosting the Nobel Peace prize concert. Granted its not the actual award giving ceremony, but it does happen straight afterwards. Somewhere inbetween releasing Men In Black and I Am Legend someone deemed him worthy of this. Sure, he plays a ridiculously charitable man in Seven Pounds, but then you have to remember Bad Boyz III is just around the corner. Ben Stiller would be a better candidate. All we can do now is wait in hope that it might all go off 'Big Willie Style'.

LOSING A LEGEND (AND OTHER THINGS)

MICHAEL JACKSON Died!!! Really that is all you have to know about this summer. It sent tremors through the musical world and still manages to turn up in the news either through his apparent secret child or over what to do withn his possessions. Apart from that, its all pretty much been a massive deja vu trip. Sugababes have managed to lose yet another member, Oasis have split up (and you were naive to think it would last, and even more naive to think that this is actually the end), and Kanye West once again managed to demonstrate how much of an egotistical ass he is whilst I sat back and wondered who the hell is Taylor Swift???

MUSIC + CHEAP ALCOHOL = APPARENTLY THE BEST WEEKEND EVER

READING FESTIVAL (there is no northern equivalent I don't think...) was once held highly amongst as the highlight of the summer, with bands such as Radiohead and Arctic Monkeys making the perfect celebration to the end of a long period of GCSE exams. Now it has become a playpen full of screaming preteens who have found a fondness for arson.

Meanwhile, Glastonbury has managed to shrug off its label of being a weekend long mud bath, and boasts the most varied lineup this summer, with Bruse Springsteen and Black Eyed Peas playing. Bestival was another popular choice despite its lack of major headliners, it still offers the ability to wear fancy dress without looking like an attention seeking twat. And then there's V Festival...

THE BLUFFER'S GUIDE THIS WEEK:

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LAURA CRESS explores the ultimate bluff - pretending that York has a music scene

ork. Music Scene. Do the two go together? That was the question I found myself faced with for this issue's Bluffer's Guide, and boy, was it a hard one to answer! But why put this under a guide for beguiling others? Simply put, the reason for this is that not many people (except a few grizzled metal fans) see York as a place for producing acceptable to the ears music, a fate worsened by the close distance between it and Leeds. Afterall, hip young skinny jeans wearing Leeds has had bands such as The Kaiser Chiefs, The Pigeon Detectives and of course, Melanie B from the Spice Girls originating from there, as well as a huge host of bands based in the city, compared to doddery granddad York, which has...well, what? Therefore, this is a guide for anybody who has been made fun of by friends, relatives or passing strangers for the lack of a music scene in York - concentrating on bands which have originated from there, and hoping that you'll find at least one mildly acceptable enough to use as a comeback for the many mockeries you will face.

We start with a band called Lost from Atlas. A recent reviewer sums up Lost from Atlas's sound pretty well, stating, "Imagine, if you will, that Foals had an illegitimate baby with Explosions In The Sky, and Yannis Philippakis wasn't involved in its rearing. You would probaby get Lost From Atlas." I was only able to listen to two tracks on the band's myspace, but both songs weren't as cringe-inducing as I was expecting. In fact, the band members are clearly quite competent musicians, the riffs in Here at the End of Things sounding precise and sometimes eerily post-apocolyp-

tic. However, that's the only problem - whilst they are good musicians, the band have decided to keep things ambient and simple by not incorporating lyrics into their songs, which is fine for the two tracks I listened to, but a whole albumsworth of it will probably start making the songs all sound very similar. Still, perhaps words would spoil the progressive beats and riffs that the band create, so give them a try.

'woaaah' harmonies in the background. A Hope in Hell sounds like an early Lost Prophets song, (but not as bad as that may sound.)

Basically, this is one of the most polished and likely-to-make-it-commercially band from York at the moment, so if you're into metal and like to catch bands before they become massive, then Glamour of the Kill is probably for you. However, if you're bored of the screamo phase by now, or never got into it in the first place, and you like original songs, then they probably aren't.

Finally, we have Azuma Vega.

Grungy and distorted guitar riffs and jarring clangs are what make up this band, and surprisingly this is much better than it actually sounds.

Although some songs seem more like BUT WHERE'S an interval track that would be used THE METALCORE? in an album inbetween normal songs, such as Something in My Eye (surely winner of the "Strangest Topic To Write A Song About Award"), some riffs in the songs do come across as genuinely menacing and underground, such as in Fire Exit. If the ly ics were as interesting as the sound the band produced then Azuma Vega would have the whole package, but sadly the words often take a backseat to the crawling rhythms. Still if you want to listen to an alternative local Next up is slightly more well-known band, Azuma Vega definitely beats off most metalcore band Glamour of the Kill. Now, of the competition.

I'm not really a fan of metalcore, or anyDoes this constitute as a music scene? thing else-core; if I want to hear rough men Ok, I have to tell the truth, probably not, howling I'll go to The Lowther on a Saturday but it does at least show that underneath night. However, I decided to try and keep an the pretty cobbled streets York does actually open mind for the band. The first track I lis- have some musical talent out there, especialtened to, World's End, sounds like any other ly of such varying and diverse genres. And light metal/screamo song, albeit with nice they're better than Melanie B anyway.

Top Three York Uni Gigs Feeling a bit unconvinced that you have much to say to your Leeds pals in the way of proving the existance of York's fine music scene?

Perhaps these facts about surprising bands to play at York University will sway the argument in your favour.

3) Boomtown Rats Remarkable not just for having the appearance of Sir Bob without a Bono in sight, York University managed to cause a major problem for the Rats when they played here in 1984. Silly Sir Bob got a bit excited and encouraged people to get up and dance in a seated arena (gasp!) The Students Union then took Sir Bob to court but he wasn't jailed and is still roaming around asking for money like the bearded tramp he is.

2) Paul & Linda McCartney

A source says that Paul and Linda decided to 'pop in' one day to out of the blue with their new band Wings and played at Goodricke college.

1) Jimi Hendrix

Hendrix and his experience came over to play at York Uni, Nouse's advert for him reading "Rave Reviews have followed Jimi Hendrix Throughout His Short CareerSee Why in Langwith College" Did playing at Langwith help his 'short' career? We can only wonder.

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SPOTLIGHT

ombay Bicycle Club are yet another guitarheavy indie outfit however they are a band capable of such crisp edginess that they stand apart from everyone else. After first attracting attention by winning The Road To V in 2006, the BBC became a standard fixture on the festival circuit, receiving a torrent of publicity focused on the age (average 16) and immense potential of these school-friends from London.

Since finishing their A2s last year, the band has taken on the music world, keen to absorb everything it has to offer whilst sharing their own distinctive take on being young, romantic, and restive in the capital.

Long-awaited first album, I Had The Blues But I Cut Them Loose, is testimony to their ever-growing skill in using simple accompaniments to offset quirky riffs. Instrumentally it is tremendously tight, both in moments of flourish

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taking the listener’s full attention and supporting Jack Steadman’s cloudy vocals. It also sees them being more adventurous in production than in their earlier EPs. As MacColl explains, before their “recordings were more a straight take, stripped down, just playing.

The newer stuff is more of a return to how Jack (Steadman) would record in his bedroom. Layering things up a bit, adding unusual sounds.”

Most tracks alternate flurries of sound, sometimes bizarre, with moments of quiet simplicity. Whilst impressive on first-hearing, the band’s real strength is in having a depth to their music that makes it continually interesting to listen to.

MacColl is fairly scathing about the majority of British indie music frequenting the airwaves at the moment; describing it as “pretty crap, there’s not a lot of space for it in the public’s minds”. Their distinctive sound is apparently influenced partially

by Canadian and American indie music, hip-hop and folk, whilst Steadman is thankfully purposefully avoiding “just singing about being in the music industry”.

With Paris, Amsterdam, Leeds and Reading men-

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tioned through the interview, it’s clear that they really do “still love every festival”.

However, always keen to seek out something different, the band embarked on The Tour For Lulu early this summer. They posted a notice on their website asking fans for suggestions of novel venues around the country, saying that they had been blacklisted from various venues. Whilst their live shows are pretty energetic, this was apparently a slight over-exaggeration by Steadman. Nonetheless, it allowed them to go to places they hadn’t been to before, and wouldn’t usually feature on tour itineraries. Like the bottom of a Devon mineshaft, described by MacColl as “interesting and terrifying at the same time”. However, “there aren’t that many good venues in the South-West”, so the mineshaft it was. Though “it is one that’s open to the public, not one that no-one’s ever been down.” The tour also included an abandoned castle near Manchester, although for some reason they declined the offer of medieval clothing.

Oh, and the name - why Lulu? “When we played at the Great Escape, we went to Brighton Aquarium the day after we played, there was one of the talks and a feeding of the sea turtle (called Lulu) and we found it quite

BOOKS

amusing for some reason. Our record label tried to suggest a few names that were a bit crap, so we came up with one ourselves.”

Bombay Bicycle Club are now focusing on achieving that long-hyped potential; for the moment promoting their recent single Magnet its minimalist introduction giving way to trademark borderline-warbling vocals, catchy riff and low swooping backing keys, in the hope of “moving on to bigger and better things”. They are also palpably excited about the prospect of touring as far afield as Japan later this year, as well as looking to record an acoustic album. And if the final track on the album, The Giantess, is anything to go by, the band’s capacity for more gentle and mature acoustic expression needs to be tapped.

However, will a band formed through school friendships really continue to hold together? The response is an emphatic yes. They consider each other a “second family.

The chemistry’s still good, we spend so much time together.

I don’t see us splitting up.”

Which is good news for their ever-increasing accruement of fans, impressed that they we are living up to the hype.

Kate Missenden

CULTURE

LISTINGS

OLIVER MORAN explains why older generations want us to "Turn that music down!"

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ost of us have been on the receiving end of musical criticism from an older friend or relative and that criticism comes in many forms, from the aggressive parent – “turn that (insert explicit adjective here) music off !” to the gently unimpressed grandparent – “It’s just not classical dear”. So just what is it that has many adults up in arms against “younger music”?

I first wondered if it was simply a case of musical taste until I realised that, whilst I may not passionately love each and every one of the plethora of musicians out there, I could appreciate almost all of them without instant disgust – the exception being death metal. Clearly there was more to this than musical taste.

I recently read an article explaining how research had shown that older generations disliked music with higher treble levels than those of today’s younger generations, who enjoyed even the most treble fuelled indie bands. This might explain why granny cannot stand the sound of Baby Shambles... or that could be something else; probably to do with Pete Doherty.

This research also proposed some explanations for this difference; it suggested that the advent of portable music systems meant that over the years, walkmans, mp3 players and ipods, unsurprisingly, influenced the hearing of those who used them. People who listened to music on tinny ipod speakers became used to hearing music through tinny ipod speakers and that in turn became what “good music” sounded like. It seems only natural that listening to music on mp3 players cannot possibly compare to the experience of hearing music through a complete sound system of speakers, on vinyl or even in live concerts.

Following the advice of my father, I decided to test this theory by walking into an upmarket electronics retailer and asking for a demonstration of a surround sound system. The demonstration took me through a series of genres and artists but it was the opening track – “Jerusalem” from the BBC Proms that gave me all the evidence I needed; the sheer depth and fullness of sound provided by the speakers was incredible and to have heard it through headphones would have been but a reminder of the sound.

The argument of digital sound against vinyl is another argument entirely but the progression of sound technology has many traditionalists upset about modern music too. It seems undeniable, then, that the enjoyment of music is greatly influenced by the experience itself and, with our experiences of music changing, the way we enjoy music is evolving. By the time today’s students are society’s older members, who can tell what the next generation will think of our music, and vice-versa.

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Albums...

Editors: In This Light And On This Evening Out Now

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s a Brummy boy, I find it disheartening that Birmingham hasn’t had much to brag about in terms of music for a long time now. Not since the home of my forefathers laid claim to the birthplace of the Heavy Metal genre has anything really noteworthy been produced. Then, behold, came a band that revived some of that lost pride in the homeland and their name is Editors!

O.k. I may have come over a little strong there, however their dazzling first album, The Back Room, followed by a strong second album, An End Has A Start, has given me reason to believe the beauty of Brummy music might be surviving in this indie rock band. With all this expectation on their shoulders, their

new album, In This Light & On This Evening, has a lot to live up to.

Now I admit that the Editors have a particular style that they tend to stick to and this has worked a treat so far. With this new album, they have made a few changes that are bound to upset some and please others.

They have really slowed down on a few tracks and tended to favour the keyboard over the rhythm guitar. For some songs these alterations had the designed effect but with some, like the title track and The Boxer they just seemed to bore me to a point where if I heard another ridiculously pretentious lyric, I’d forsake our Birmingham ties and use that discarded guitar in an unholy manner.

Saying this, I did fall in love with the majority of the album, with songs like Bricks And Mortar and Like Treasure making amends for the previously damned tracks.

However, my personal favourite was the fabulous Eat Raw Meat =Blood Drool and not just because of the wonderful ti-

Out 26th October tle. This song is the prime example of what this album sets out to achieve. It moves away from their stereotype, while captivating their audience with a catchy chorus. Furthermore, you can tell the big hit from this album will be Papillon, which will definitely get those indie peeps into a dancing frenzy. Overall, the album contains some big hits but also some very forgettable misses.

CHRIS CRADDOCK

SHIT OF

Out Now

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X

X is the eponymous debut album of this south London foursome, influenced by the dubstep scene of the area.

They have a simple sound, with a strong percussion and bass backing. The vocals, provided by girl/boy duo, Romy Madley Croft and Oliver Sim, are the centrepiece of each track, which are so sparse and relaxed that it sounds like music a couple of mates could've recorded in their living room. The reassuring repeated basslines and mantra-like lyrics combine to create desperately beautiful songs.

On first listen the album does seem slightly samey and most of the tracks are not long; there is a feeling of anticipation as you think the music is going to build to a climax, but never does. Highlight tracks are Fantasy, which downplays the percussion and bass,

JESS SWEENEY

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emaine Clement and Bret McKenzie have created somewhat of a massive following of their 'guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo' known as Flight of the Conchords. With multiple award nominations and completely sold out tours, surely if they released an album it would sell just as well? Not quite.

The problem is that none of this is new material. Everything on the album feels a bit stale. Their aim is simply to make the listener laugh, not to focus on the actual music, so really you're just hearing the same joke you heard a couple of months ago, only now you have the option of playing it over and over until you begin to become numb to it all. Lines like 'You probably think that my pants have the mumps, Its just my sugar lumps' don't tend to last through time.

Even writing it makes me feel immature and dirty. It's often a case of hit or miss with much of Flight of the Conchord's music, with

songs like Petrov, Yelyena and Me and Demon Woman rarely getting more than smirk if they're lucky. As a fan, it's all a bit disappointing.

It's not all bad. They have included some gems from the series, including Hurt Feelings, We're Both in Love with a Sexy Lady and You Don't Have to Be a Prostitute. For a comedic duo who have seen so much success recently, this album doesn't live up to expectations. That might simply be due to the fact that their form of comedy works best on the TV. You just don't get the awkward moments or the randomness of watching their landlord having a steel drum solo in the middle of You Don't Have to Be a Prostitute. And that's the problem. Had this been my first listen to the duo, it may have been far more enjoyable, instead I find myself replaying the same one or two songs.

STEFAN PHILPOTTS

THE SUM MER

Mika: The Boy Who Knew Too Much

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instead providing a haunting wash of sound which appealed to the Radioheadlover in me, and Basic Space, with heavier percussion and a more upbeat, engaging chorus.

As you listen you become increasingly aware of the individual threads of music in each song and increasingly appreciative of the beauty of the singers' voices and their ethereal timbre. Stars is typical of the overall nature of the album. The bass opening that is so simple and strong has a heavy rock sound about it, which contrasts, but works perfectly with the smooth, languid vocals. The obvious musical talent of the band and their cohesive sound suggests there'll be a firm place for the XX in the British alternative music scene for some time.

LISTINGS

Flight of the Conchords: I Told You I Was Freaky

The XX: XX

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CULTURE

Out Now

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e all remember Grace Kelly, that annoyingly hummable three minutes of camp pop perfection that saw the unfailingly irritating Mika prance to fame in 2007. Few remember the rest of the Lebanese oddball's first album, Life in Cartoon Motion, largely because it was rubbish, a jamboree of self-indulgent pop offal. Still, perhaps just off the back of the success of that one song, some industry bod has seen fit to award the bloke another album.

Big Mistake.

Mika's latest offering, The Boy Who Knew Too Much, achieves what few thought possible by out-camping its predeces-

sor. The listener is left exhausted after just three songs, worn down by the ceaseless torrent of tinny nonsensical pop delivered in Mika's thankfully inimitable screeching falsetto. By song six (if still listening), they are comatose, their eardrums burnt out by the bombardment. And yet on Mika wallows, with each song gamely proving the theory that no album is too bad for release. Why, oh why, couldn't the floppy-haired Frodo Baggins impersonator have stuck to his natural role as an Any Dream Will Do contestant?

Whoever saw fit to sanction the album's release obviously thinks its success rests on its first single We are Golden replicating the success of Grace Kelly. But lightning, no matter how much glitter you put on it, doesn't strike twice and the fact it is the standout track says little for the rest of

the album. And that's even without the sheer, surely unforgivable weirdness of the video for the song, in which Mika dances around a bedroom on all fours dressed just in underpants and golden boots. It really is grotesque.

How Mika got ahead in the music industry, let alone made it to a second album, is unfathomable, but one thing is for sure: in the pantheon of musical crimes, this album rates pretty highly. In The Boy Who Knew Too Much, Mr. Flounce 2009 has produced a true clusterfuck of an album that should surely, surely ensure he doesn't get the chance to make a third one. The only reason I can think for buying this album for someone is that you want to annoy them. But unless you want to lose that person forever, I wouldn't risk it.

WILL WAINEWRIGHT

MUSIC

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KATE

missenden

reviews this week's...

SINGLES Alphabeat The Spell

19-10-09

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he chirpy Danish outfit are continuing their onslaught of 80s-inspired melodic euro-pop. With a chorus starting “You put a spell on me, I don’t know what to do”, harmonised male-female vocals and a beat so hummable you’ll drive your flat-mates mad, Alphabeat could not be more of a cliché if they tried. Following every formula in the book, the strong singer(s) and indiscernibly talented band look set to continue the success of their previous album.

Slayer Hate Worldwide

19-10-09

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layer’s latest single provides a driving beat that pulsates through you, angry lyrics, and a chaotic instrumental section acceptable in the head-banging department. So far so good. But the thrash metal band are back on guitarist King’s favourite bandwagon, anti-religiosity, and the subject seems a little worn, especially where the lyrics are concerned. It’s still fast, it’s still aggressive, but the result’s a bit tired and far from spectacular.

The Phenomenal Handclap Band 15 to 20

12-10-09

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he Phenomenal Handclap Band virtually signpost themselves into the eccentric-almosts pile. Not content with their rather convoluted band-name, they are now releasing a techno version of the five times table with interjections about riding a bus. However, 15 to 20 is undeniably refreshing, combining the band’s funk/disco/ hip-hop/synth mixture with Lady Tigra’s distinctive vocals. It’s bizarre, and somehow brilliant.

The Go-Katz It's Not Fair

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itting opposite me, Marina and the Diamonds (aka Marina Diamandis, Welsh-born solo artist based in London) certainly stands out from the dingy corner of the Duchess we’re currently sitting in (although this might have something to do with the bright pink nail polish she’s sporting...) Currently touring as part of the NME Radar Tour, it seems that the talented singer/songwriter (she surprisingly doesn’t mind the tag) has hit her stride, rising above the hype and clichés and actually managing to come across like a down to earth and genuine person from the music business. She might be surprised NME likes her, but if she can live up to her mantra of not selling out, then NME are bound to not be the only ones who start noticing her.

Welcome to York!

How’s the Tour been going so far?

Good, we’ve done three days, I went back to London yesterday and then came back here.

York’s really pretty, definitely the nicest place we’ve been so far.

Did you know any of the other bands before the line up was announced?

Yeah I’d met Yes Giantess a couple of times before and I met Local Natives briefly at Latitude but I was quite drunk...but they’re all really nice guys!

How do you feel about having the backing of NME? Do you see it as a burden being seen as their next new thing to hype about?

I don’t see it in that way, if people are saying good stuff then you have to be grateful for it. I never thought NME would like me, so it’s really nice to have their support!

because it’s the trend at the moment, I would’ve been here regardless doing the same thing. I don’t see why people should see it as a trend...it’s a mainly male dominated business, so I think in the end it’s a positive thing that there are talented females getting recognized at the moment!

Do you think you’d rather be playing a small venue with hardcore loyal MATD fans, or a big arena with only a few people who truly know all of your songs?

I would prefer the smaller venue.

I think it’s important that my fans are people that I would probably like in normal life outside of this...even though that’s a really romantic idea!

When I started doing festivals I didn’t think I’d be able to cope not being able to see anybody, but I actually really got into it and then when I came back doing tiny shows it was totally different again, but you just adapt to it.

How was Reading and Leeds?

Amazing! [Gets very excited] Reading and Leeds were actually my favourites! Way more than Glastonbury!

How come?

I don’t know! Different vibes...I guess it depends on how you’re feeling on the day, but it was great!

Did you see any bands being badly behaved?

Not really...I’m too anti-social, I don’t dabble in that. [Mus.Ed. – in what?!]

Your song I am not a Robot contains the lyrics “Better to be hated then loved for what you’re not”...is this a difficult stance t o take in the fake world of music and celebrities?

Yeah, but I’m pretty sure that

Was singing always something you wanted to do?

Yeah, but I never did it! Until I was about 19, then I started thinking seriously about it.

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iddle-aged men doing a psychobilly cover of the Lily Allen track.

Whereas the original sounds, quite frankly, petulant, The Go-Katz make the song a tad menacing. It’s entertaining for a couple of listens and, quite frankly, that’s exactly what you’d hope for from the cover. Fans of Allen won’t appreciate it at all as it changes the lyrics, losing virtually all of its original pretentious controversiality.

Would you have settled for being in a band?

No, I can’t do that!

Do you get annoyed about being tarred with the “female singer/ songwriter” brush? Your music seems to be more “grown up” then the usual... you know Kate Nash or Lily Allen.

I think I used to get annoyed about it but I’m not very bothered anymore.

I’m more confident in my ability now because I know that I’m not just here

I ’ l l be ok, if I had been at this stage three years ago, I’d have been a shipwreck because I didn’t really know who I was...I

guess I was just like any other young person growing up! [Laughs] Are your lyrics quite autobiographical?

Yeah, probably for each song there’s a about two or three differe n t stories, one of those things might be a bit fairytale.

Sometimes I get people a s k ing me if the song was about them and it’s like...don’t flatter yourself!

What would you like to be doing in five years time?

The same thing really. Just enjoying what I do and not being obsessed with fame and money, because it’s a very addictive path from what I can see from other females and males that have gone down that road...so I just want to keep it simple!

Laura Cress

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THE KILLERS V Festival

22/08/09

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he Killers have always seemed a little too fortunate, in my opinion. From their beginning, they were a rare contemporary example of an American band becoming equally large in the US and British continents; they had a slew of successful singles, crowd-chanting refrains, and a band-name that which only be secured with some serious legal manoeuvres.

Unfortunately Brandon Flowers, the band's leader, has seemed hell-bent on destroying this.

Opening with a series of incomprehensible tracks from their new LP, Day and Age. the band left nearly everyone watching motionless. This wasn't just because the audience didn't know the words, but because the music lacked any discernible consistency; it sped and slowed sporadically, went off on guitar solos that felt completely adjacent to the song, and - at least twice - slowed into a rhythm so overworked and sleazy, that I seriously wondered whether they were intentionally imitating some sleazy 80's porno flick.

This was then fused with what seemed like Latin-influenced guitars and drums, almost going into a slight conga rhythm (whereby Flowers dances slowly, with a very serious look on his face). If that sounds confusing, it's because it was.

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He dripped with arrogance and false confidence, strutting the stage whilst holding a distinctly reassured grin; the rest of the band looked miserable, with one of their guitarists in particular looking visibly distraught. At his point, the audience had thinned out, and it looked like someone was trying to convince Flowers to play something people actually knew. "Well" He said, cocking his neck a little whilst flexing his shoulders, "This next one is a real road runner of a song. Oh yeah, it is", before playing Somebody told me. After appeasing the crowd somewhat, he then went into a god-awful Joy Division cover, Shadowplay, which was equally out of place with the rest of his performance.

The problem with Flowers isn't exactly a secret he's obsessed with The Killers becoming the world's new Bruce Springsteen, throwing in 80's cheese for the sake of it, and losing all musical energy with exhaustive (and illegible) ballads. Listen to Tidal Wave, their newest single, to see exactly what I mean. Think it'd be impossible to dance to that? That's because it is.

JOE BURNHAM

The Maccabees FLORENCE AND THE Reading Festival ately entertained.

MACHINE 28/08/09 Having said that,

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’m not a fan of Florence or her Machine and I doubt I ever will be. I desperately wanted to like her and I tried to like her album, I really did. The critics loved it, my friends loved it but- apart from a couple of the songs that were released as singles- I was left with a distinct sense of ‘meh’ by the whole thing. Anyway, you can probably imagine my sense of impending irritation when my friends announced at this year’s Reading Festival that we ‘simply must see Florence’.

The whole thing started painlessly enough with our Flossie emerging onto the stage in a floaty black number that was rather less free spirited flower child than child-at-Halloween-party-dressed-as-bat whilst delivering a pretty decent rendition of Between Two Lungs. The next few songs My Boy Builds Coffins, Kiss With a Fist and Howl didn’t make a huge impression me although at this point I was beginning to enjoy myself, but not because of the quality of the music. You see, Florence, despite the fact that her ethereal oddball shtick is as convincing as Terry Wogan’s toupee, has real stage presence and really knows how to get an audience going. Even I began to become so swept up in the atmosphere of the occasion that at times I almost forgot that her singing wasn’t really in tune and that most of the songs sounded the same. The rest of the gig carried on this vein and for the most part I was moder-

LOCAL NATIVES

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The Duchess 30/09/09

s the third song of American band Local Natives’ NME Tour set begins, it’s no surprise that Taylor Rice, the (suavely moustachioed) guitarist and vocalist of the group, introduces it as a cover of Talking Heads’ song Warning Sign. The influences are clear, especially in the part funk and part punk rock stylings of the band, but they manage to make the cover their own with their lighter and more upbeat tempos.

Whilst their lyrics aren’t quite as masterful as David Byrne’s,

there were a couple of low points: the gig’s penultimate song, the overwrought and redundant cover of The Source’s You’ve Got The Love being the worst offender.

Amazingly, this monstrosity managed to get the best reaction from the crowd who sang along with gusto. Personally, I felt like Malcolm MacDowell in A Clockwork Orange, my ears clamped open by the volume of the discordant noises that emanated from the stage.

Fortunately the final songs Rabbit Heart and Dog Days Are Over, like the arrival of a new bunny after the grisly death of a beloved family pet, helped to erase any unpleasant memories of the event and ended it with a triumphant flourish. All in all, Florence and the Machine left me feeling like a Jewish man at a Nuremburg Rally; I didn’t particularly like the content but I had to admire the showmanship.

CHARLES RIVINGTON

their three (yes three!) part vocal harmonies and layered rhythms more than make up for it. The band manage to come across melodious yet thankfully not like a barbershop quartet with some instruments just thrown in for good measure, something that is especially apparent in their new single Camera Talk, which has most of the Duchess on the floor dancing. In fact, it comes as a surprise to find out that the band has only been together for just over a year, as their playing is needle sharp.

Founding members Taylor Rice and Ryan Hahn bring some choppy post-punk guitar riffs whilst sharing vocals, (as well as some tight moustache waggling courtesy of Rice) and Kelcey Ayer’s keyboard skills slide along nicely with Matt Frazier’s sharp drumming (with additional tom-tom). Finally, Andy Hamm keeps it all in tact with intricate and sometimes groovy bass lines. This is a band that not only has a talent for harmonies, but also for staying in harmony with each other, and whilst some songs near the end begin to feel similar to previous ones, you can’t help but enjoy the infectious energy that the band bring to the stage.

LAURA CRESS

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magine your worst festival scenario. You’ve lost your phone, camera, wallet, friends and you can’t get anywhere near the front of the stage to see even a dot of Kasabian. Understandably you’d be angry. So I ended up in the empty Chill n’ Charge tent trying to email anyone that could help me. Just when I’d given up all hope I heard these wonderful words: ‘And now for an exclusive, one off performance...its....THE MACCABEES!!!’ All twenty chill n’ charge occupants tentatively moved to the back of the tent, all of us unsure if we’d heard the announcement correctly.

Thankfully they had not lied and stood about a meter in front of us were four out of the five Brighton based indie group.

After a quick welcome, self assured lead singer Orlando Weeks coyly took us from one song to the next, his gentle shaky tone soothing us through hits such as Mary. While the whole group’s energy jumped into songs such as Latchmere and All In Your Rows, exciting the crowd through every leap.

In between songs, lead guitarist Felix White certainly was the most vocal of the four. He dominated the stage with his loud personality that was matched by his drawn out South London accent. This was a total contrast to his brother Hugo who contentedly plucked his bass saying nothing throughout the whole set; only looking up occasionally to grab a glance at eager fans that had assembled before him. You could tell there was a great chemistry between the band members especially when Felix brought on his other brother to sing the Stroke’s hit Reptilia. It was a surprisingly good cover, regardless of the smirks the other band members exchanged, with his voice sounding incredibly similar to Julian Casablancas.

Despite the band refusing to play any of the crowd’s requests because they were going to play them at their main gig and even though there were only a couple of dozen people there, The Maccabees gave a brilliant performance. As they thanked us for being patient and apologised for their supposed bad playing, I think every single member of the tent was rather glad they had missed Kasabian and decided to charge their phones instead.

JENNY MCLARNEY

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Simon Bird

e is the star of a sitcom that has captured the attention of a generation of students much akin to the awkwardness and insecurities of the sixth form common room. He has earned widespread critical acclaim, a British Comedy Award, a host of nominations and has now begun a nationwide stand-up tour of Britain's universities, all at the age of 25. But no one seems more surprised at the sight of this impressive CV than Simon Bird himself.

"It has been a bit of a fluke really.

Damon (Beesley) and Iain (Morris- writers of the Inbetweeners) saw me and Joe, who plays Simon, do a show in Edinburgh, liked it and asked us to come and help write on a radio show, so we did sketches on that for about a year whilst they were doing auditions for the Inbetweeners. We kept asking whether we could audition and they kept saying we were totally wrong for it, but with a week left they still hadn't found anyone and I think they were getting a bit desperate so they scrolled through their phonebook and came crawling."

That Beesley and Morris overlooked him for so long seems to beggar belief, for in Simon Bird lies a comedy actor steeped in the prestige of Cambridge University's Footlights Comedy Club, previously home to such comedy giants as Eric Idle, Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie and David Mitchell.

He reminds me however that Footlights "by no means guarantees a free ticket into a comedy career".

"I think in a way some people are very much anti-footlights. In a weird way you have to try and get over those prejudices, so you find that those who have come out of Footlights in the last 15 to 20 years try and mention it as little as possible."

This seems true of Simon himself.

Just the mention of Footlights and he responds in an exhaustive tone, as though the thought of being known solo as the former President of Footlights who got a job at Channel Four because of it frustrates him. His ambition is the first thing that comes across when talking to him. He is not the kind of actor who is likely to live off Will MacKenzie for the rest of his career. Simon has been writing his own material since the age of 16, and he admits that he “won’t really feel at home amongst comedy’s big names until he has written his own sitcom”.

“We're writing all the time. I write with Joe and our friend Jonny because we were all in Footlights together and we spend basically all year writing sitcom pilots or sketch shows. The Inbetweeners isn't anything like me or Joe have ever written

before. I think our sense of humour is slightly more sillier and slightly more serial, anything we did would be totally different to be honest.”

Bird and Thomas are no different to the current generation of students in the comedy favourites.

“Growing up I loved The Office, Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Peep Show, The Thick of It, those the ones really did it for me. I guess when your sitting down your not thinking “how are these shows influencing me” but I guess they must influence what we write in some way.”

And there is no denying his writing talents. He co-wrote and appeared in two National Tour Shows whilst a Footlights, wrote the Harry Porter prizewinning play Daddy's Dead and was a finalist in the 2006 National student comedy awards. But his quick obvious quick wit and comedy talents were to get him into trouble in 2007 when he was disqualified from the student comedy awards.

“The competition that year was sponsored by Revels and they'd instituted these rules for the contestants which I would describe as quasi-fascist. You weren't allowed to talk about Revels, not only were you not allowed to talk about revels you weren't allowed to talk about any sort of confectionary in your act or for 3 months after the competition. It didn't seem to be ironic or anything so I thought this was so ridiculous that I had to mention it. The joke was just how long I could go on talking about Revels really. I don't remember exactly what I did but I remember it involved me giving the audience every type of chocolate bar I could find expect for revels.”

One imagines the set of the Inbetweeners, dominated by young, talented comedy actors, to be a fantastic place to work, but with huge success has come a lot of pressure for such a young cast.

“I think it is definitely the case that we have less fun on set now, but that was a deliberate decision we all made. We had so much fun making the first series because we didn't really know whether people would like it and we kind of thought it could be a one off. But with the second series because we knew that people liked the show and we saw that the scripts for were so good, for me personally better than the first series, we kind of owed it to ourselves to make something really good here if we put a lot of effort into it. But I think that’s a good thing.”

We have seen Simon Bird the “briefcase wanker”, now we look forward to seeing Simon Bird the sketch show writer in York this Sunday, but what can we expect?

“I've just done a pilot for

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Briefcase Wanker BBC 3 of a comedy game show that I wrote, I haven't heard whether that's getting made or anything yet but its basically like a live version of that, I'm just trying some stuff out. It’s very silly and hopefully funny.”

Shedding the skin of Will MacKenzie will undoubtedly be tough for Simon, but it is challenge that you can tell he is relishing.

Daniel Hewitt

See him live!

Simon Bird Presents An Ex perimental Game Show live at The University of York on 18th October.

The Inbetweener's Best Bits

Series1 Episode 4

Series1 Episode 3

Series 2 Episode 1

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...cheesy yet inspirational

Everyone's got at least one idea for a film so we had a brainstorm (or thought shower) in the Vision office and came up with ideas for films that would rock Hollywood:

5) Calendar Girls

Pride and F*ckin’ Prejudice dir. Quentin Tarantino

Young aristocrat Lizzy Bennet (Uma Thurman) has led a blessedly quiet life in the English countryside... that is until bad-ass mother'ucker Fitzwilliam Darcy (Samuel L. Jackson) rolls into town and messes her shit right up.

Finding herself falling for Darcy’s smooth charm, Lizzy is soon dismayed to discover that he’s a homicidal maniac bent on wiping out the entire Bennet family in ever more gruesome ways.

Eventually, finding herself trapped in a lethal marriage, she decides that enough is enough. She decides to take a stand. She decides to kill Will.

Thunder Cats As anyone who’s seen the mock trailer on Youtube knows, Thundercats would make an awesome movie. Whereas so many recent action films have suffered from a lack charm (the Transformers films, G.I. Joe), the Thundercats have charisma in abundance. Whether the film was made using advanced motion capture technology (a la the upcoming Tintin films) or just featured actors in campy costumes, the humour and warmth of the characters would definitely shine through. The last tv series ended in 1989 so it really is high time for an onscreen reunion and another battle against the evil Mumm-Ra.

2) The Pursuit of Happyness

The film focuses on the later part of Polanski’s life, specifically his flight from an oppressive and sinister government who wish to persecute him because of his genius.

The audience watches from the edge of their seats as Roman (Sean Penn) flits around Europe directing masterpieces and evading an evil American spy (Willem Dafoe).

The finale, a rousing courtroom scene, ends with Roman being acquitted and a new amendment being added to the constitution stating that anyone who can be called a genius auteur is automatically exempt from the laws that govern mere mortals. As the joyous crowd spills out of the courtyard they burst into a rendition of ‘Roman Christ, Superstar’ which includes a triumphant and moving solo delivered by Lady Justice herself (Dianne Wiest).

Schindler’s List FRESHERS! Remember to pick up your free membership to Cityscreen from Freshers' fair or from the cinema itself.

Have you seen...? DELICATESSEN

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traight up: European films can be hard to watch.

There is little that is inherently different, of course, between ‘us’ and ‘them’, except for perhaps their impressively relaxed attitude to public nudity and inexplicable love of slapstick humour. But for some reason, everyone hates the film buff who whips out his Jean-Luc Godard collection at a party and tortures everyone with 6 hours of nouvelle vague.

Why? Well, It’s not only the subtitles and the often ass-numbing running time, but also the fact

4) Ratatouille

No ‘Top 5’ featuring the word ‘cheesy’ would be complete without at least one animated film. This particularly large lump of mushy fromage serves the double purpose of keeping small children quiet for a couple of hours, and teaching all of us that invaluable life lesson: anything is possible if you want it enough - even if you are just a talking rat with a fervent passion for haute cuisine.

3) Save the Last Dance

The Roman Polanski Story

Controversial and revolutionary actor-cum-director Mel Gibson says “hell no!” to PC with his remake of Steven Spielberg’s revisionist Schindler’s List. A thrill-a-minute splatterfest with complex psychological undercurrents, Mel Gibson’s Schindler’s List examines the frightening consequences of freedom and racial equality. The world has been torn apart by bloodthirsty Jews out for misguided revenge following the end of WW2. So far, so Inglourious Basterds, but for one volksgemeinschaft-hating German, Oskar Schindler (Sean Bean), the world is not enough. Springing some of Israel’s most deadly from rightful imprisonment in the Vatican, he takes his vendetta into the heavens... That’s right. Jews, in space.

Who would have thought that a film about a bunch of WI-ladies-turned-glamour-models would be quite so enthralling? Thankfully it is all very tastefully done, and veterans Helen Mirren and Julie Walters inject even more class into this uplifting story of the power of friendship and determination.

This is an unashamed chick flick, but perhaps with a little more substance than most. The plot follows the basic framework of the genre: boy meets girl, external forces try to break them up, they overcome said forces and live happily ever after, the end. The charm of this film comes from the sad background story of the main character and, of course, her passion for dance.

And a couple we wouldn't...

dir. Mel Gibson

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Left with his young son when his wife leaves, a man struggles to rebuild his life and make his son proud of him. He finds himself facing homelessness and just about every possible obstacle under the sun, before finally rising to the challenge and making good things happen. Will Smith beautifully portrays the ups and downs of the character’s journey with a touching vulnerability. This is a true ‘rags to riches’ tale.

1) Billy Elliot

A film about a young boy who wants nothing more than just to dance: this could have been a nauseating disaster, if the backdrop wasn't that of the 1980s miners’ strike. This adds a touch of reality to the proceedings, as the youngster battles against stereotypical notions of masculinity, and his father’s disapproval, to achieve his goal.

There’s still a certain amount of enjoyable cheesiness however, particularly the slow motion ending which surely brought many a hastily wiped-away tear to the eyes of even the most resilient of audience members.

Sara Pournasrollahzadeh

dir. Marc Caro, Jean-Pierre Jeunet, 1991

that all the Euroflicks that manage to leapfrog the Channel only manage to do so on some very pretentious backs. This has the unfortunate result that our misguided impression of European cinema is one of hideous convolution and self-conscious introspection.

So straight up? Delicatessen is not one of those films. In fact, it’s a massively enjoyable story of awkward love, failed suicide and human meat pate. The movie is set in an alternative French past, in which an unnamed apocalypse has crippled the nation’s food supply. In the rural commune in which the film is set, grain is used as an alternative currency, but the real luxury has become human meat, supplied by the violent owner of the eponymous deli, Clapet (Jean-Claude Dreyfus). Naïve ex-circus performer Louison (Dominique Pinon) arrives to fill in the vacancy at the deli left by his digested predecessor, and soon strikes up relationships with the eclectic inhabitants of the apartments above the shop, including Clapet’s shy daughter Julie (Marie-Laure Dougnac).

Seemingly filmed not so much in sepia

tone as in the middle of a nightmarish smog, with every scene drenched in burnt-out yellow, the pervasive atmosphere is one of heated and unhinged surrealism, even when nothing particularly out of the ordinary is happening. It’s also fantastically French, from some disjointed accordion in the opening theme to happily smoking children and an army of frogs and snails. The performances are solid if not exactly subtle throughout, and as the plot progresses its fascination with death is represented by some hardcore set destruction.

Essentially, the whole thing plays out like a cogent and restrained version of Terry Gilliam’s hectic Brazil. The parallels (sane man in an insane world, the resistive power of love) are sometimes hard to ignore if you’re in any way familiar with Gilliam’s movie, but such themes are hardly original in any case, and Delicatessen’s upbeat ending leaves a much more pleasant taste in the mouth than Brazil’s 1984-lite copout. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t get it all 1st time, and God knows I didn’t, but you don’t need to - just enjoy its willful idiocy, its glorious fantasy and its uniquely Gallic charm.

David Elliott

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ally Potter’s latest film, Rage is the first to ever premiere as a mobile phone download and this might be the most interesting thing that can be said about it. Set behind the scenes at a New York fashion show, Rage is comprised of a series of fourteen interweaved monologues shot in front of brightly coloured blue-screens and delivered by people working at the show who are being interviewed by a local student named Michealangelo.. As the film progresses a number of deaths occur offscreen and the interviewees begin to let their guard down as things descend into chaos.

Potter has been blessed with an incredible cast (including Judi Dench, Eddie Izzard and the magnificent Dianne Wiest) but for the most part she wastes them on paper thin characters that contribute nothing to the film. Take for example Jude Law’s gender bending portrayal of runway model, Minx: what could have been an interesting take on female body issues and the inherent sexism of the fashion industry is instead reduced to an embarrassing stereotype complete with Borat-style East

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Dir. Pete Docter and Bob Peterson

t’s unlikely anyone will ever understand Hollywood’s twisted and sadistic release calendar. At the time of writing, Up is still not available to watch in the UK, despite having been entertaining magnum-Coke-swigging Americans since May. For sure, Disney has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of - this is no Cars, no A Bug’s Life. Of course, neither of these were in any way terrible movies, but when your stable is as distinguished as Pixar’s you expect some fine horses. Up more than lives up to this pedigree.

Awkward metaphor aside, Pixar’s M.O. has always been to smother an age-old fable in novelty icing, and in this respect Up faithfully toes the party line. This time the story revolves around 78 year-old widower Carl Fredricksen (Edward Asner), who after losing his wife decides to fulfil their shared dream of travelling to Paradise Falls in South America. To that end he ties a couple of thousand helium balloons to his house, accidentally kidnapping Russell (Jordan Nagai), an endearingly eager 8 year-old Wilderness Explorer, in the process...

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AWAY WE GO Dir Sam Mendes

European accent. Frustratingly, the few characters that are of any interest (such as Judi Dench’s cynical critic) are inexplicably marginalised in favour of their soporific peers.

Rage is a film that wants desperately to be experimental despite the fact that it has nothing new to say; its message that the fashion industry is self indulgent and shallow is not only redundant but downright hypocritical. Film critic Gene Siskel was once quoted as saying that ‘a film should be more interesting than a documentary of the same actors having lunch’ and this was a test that Rage was always going to struggle to pass given the calibre of its cast. Unfortunately, it has failed so spectacularly that a documentary featuring anyone doing anything other than acting in this film would be infinitely preferable to the turgid, uninspiring, and pretentious piece of cinematic excrement that we’ve been left with. All in all, there’s definitely room for improvement.

Charles Rivington

I was a little worried that this was going to be some clichéd indie-riffic self-aware blunder like Juno. But surprisingly – and I’m talking about the best type of surprise when it comes to films where a film exceeds expectations more or less completely. Perhaps not that surprising really considering Sam Mendes has a track record for making films that are excellent at what they do (American Beauty, Jarhead, Road to Perdition) and that’s no different here.

The film is centred around a couple trying to find a suitable location to settle to begin their family having received news of pregnancy. They travel through a variety of cities visiting friends to help them decide if their own particular city is something for them, but initially the peripheral characters appear to just be tools for a tone of condescension as they tend to be incredibly and ludicrously flawed. Yet as the film draws on and everything just pieces together, you’re left altogether distraught and swayed by the superb and sincere chemistry between John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph in their relationship and in their honesty.

What the film does so well in the end, is ascertain the significance of humanity. That’s what’s most impressive because it is done with minimal banality in dialogue, despite some typically contemplative landscapes flickered throughout their journey.

It’s difficult to perfectly convey how well this film works because it’s a sum of many exquisite parts, the aforementioned flawed characters all hold their weight. Also Mendes’ direction and choice in soundscapes to accompany the photography has been apt and well reined as well as of course, the genuinely remarkable performances and charm from the pair at the centre of this film.

Rage is released in selected cinemas. It is also available to buy on dvd and can be watched at http://ragethemovie.com/

Because negativity at the end of a review for a film so magnificent would be both cruel and misleading, here are Up’s deficiencies. It’s not groundbreaking, and it’s not long enough. And beyond saying that, at least in the context of the movie, neither of these are really criticisms in that sense of the word, no more will be said on the matter. Onwards and, more importantly, upwards.

The trap many animated films have run into recently is to become bogged down in self-conscious quirkiness and relentless pop culture references. Pete Docter has trimmed all the fat from this beautifully crafted tale. Up is idiosyncratic yet never cloying, clever yet never knowing.

While films such as Shrek are essentially built out of such sly nudges, Up settles for, say, a quick Star Wars nod, and then moves quickly back to the matter at hand. Jokes, which in lesser hands might become laboured, are let lie. The majority of the movie’s charm lies not in belly laughs in any case, but in the characters’ wonderfully subtle personalities. Despite Carl’s questing, he is a grumpy and reclusive man whose sense of adventure passed away with his wife - Russell’s endless enthusiasm is completely alien to him. Carl’s devotion to his old comfortable life and house is reflected, bizarrely, in his stocky, angular body shape, while Russell, portly and round, resembles the balloons that Carl

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is so reliant upon. Even when a virtual menagerie of coourful animals joins the pair on their way, the movie remains very much focused on, and what’s more devoted to, them.

The visuals, needless to say, are gorgeous, and in keeping with the rest of the production not as flashy as perhaps kids have become used to. They provide the perfect backdrop to this warm-hearted tale and are never busy or cluttered. What Up will be remembered for, however, is not how it maintained Pixar’s visual premiership, but for its commitment to story and character. Even though the credits roll too soon, you won't leave the cinema feeling short-changed.

Up is on general UK release from October 16th, in 3D in selected cinemas

David Elliott

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TELEVISION WHY OH WHY FROM

Mike Regan's biteback Derren Brown: Magician?

Illusionist? Mind Reader? Sell out?

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revious to Derren Brown's latest foray into mind boggling mental manipulation I had read of his hooking up with famed publicist Max Clifford - a man normally operating at the whim of rape victims... and Jordan. Yet the man clearly has his merits, he managed to skilfully manoeuvre Jade Goody from being Britain's least favourite racist to an angel winged red top Princess Diana. But Derren Brown is an entirely different proposition; critically respected and genuinely talented, so his hooking up with Mr Clifford raised a few eyebrows.

Clifford has argued that Brown's recent 'Events' showcase will vastly increase his earning potential, through tours, future television programmes and merchandise.

I completely disagree Clifford's influence was undoubtedly marked in the planning of all four of his 'great', career defining events. However he has completely misjudged the nature of Brown's art. He is divisive and he will naturally arouse distrust and displeasure from some quarters of the viewing public. The entirety of his work involves subverting traditional human norms, for example we consider the thoughts in our mind to be sacred and totally private, should we wish them to be so.

Yet much of what he does seems to indicate that given the presence of somebody of his talent then this does not have to be the case.

Such a notion, will never sit comfortably with the vast majority of people.

Despite this the extensively advertised, unavoidable and apparently newsworthy events seemed to represent the mystic's giant leap for superstardom. Yet he was a figure who never had that type of fame within his grasp because of the sheer scepticism with which most people will always treat his kind of art. Herein lies the main failing of his most recent offering. They attempted to include the entirety of his viewing public in his stunts, whether it be apparently explaining how he did them, or using them as his experimental guinea pigs. Such a strategy was doomed to fail. Let's take the How to control the nation show as an example; had Brown been piloting such a scheme during one of his live shows he would doubtless have selected individuals who he believed were susceptible to the film, made sure that all the conditions were correct, and hey presto she would have been stuck to the chair.

To his fans he is an incredibly talented illusionist whose tricks offer an incredible insight into the potential of the human mind. Unfortunately to most he is a figure arousing suspicion and ridicule through refusal to properly empathise with his actof course he can't actually read people's minds, but the fact that it seems almost irrefutable that he has, is incredibly impressive. However by screening over ambitious stunts, some of which failed, Derren Brown may have shed his original fanbase in pursuit of a market that didn't exist. A fine job Mr Clifford.

saw you across the dancefloor. You were hot. Sexual. I was the nationally acclaimed softy soft current affairs programme with a brummie and a northern Irish accent. You were the cheap mimicky show presented by a man who use to do carpet advertisements and the one who kept shagging that annoying arse during The Apprentice. You’re half an hour and four channels away before I start babe, but we know from the very start who just ends up on top... (of the ratings).

Yes that's right TV is back. And yes, that is the worst way to start an article for the new year. But bugger it, it’s freshers', and you’re probably drunk when you’re reading this.

This is the ongoing flirtations and one-night stands of The One Show (BBC One) vs Live from Studio Five (Channel Five). You’ve probably stumbled into the former, rather than the latter, during the summer holidays. The One Show, as you know, is a show about cats, credit cards and Keith Allen. Presented every day on BBC One, the show is like a fishing rod thrown into the river of mediocre television featurettes, hooking into the throat of any old piece of carp. Nobody wants to watch a whole half-hour programme about dust bins or star constellations, but shove it all together in a sugary concentrated vitamin pill with an introduction by a gospel choir and it manages to scrape together a few billion viewers. As a result of this Five has now attempted their own version, but instead of it being a sugary funtime loving non-dependent drug with ad breaks, it feels like swallowing knives doused in white spirit.

Before now at seven Five used to do the news, but nobody was really watching Natasha Kaplinksky (Kerplonksy)’s serious but sexy but shit programme.

What people apparently wanted now was live “popular topical debate" and on the beat celebrity gossip delivered to them piece by piece as if it was some sort of horrible torture, where they cut off your fingers one by one. The hot new thing now is not the serious news, but to have

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your daily water-cooleresque fountain of knowledge delivered by a woman who used to bounce her bojangles out during Fort Boyard (Melinda Messenger), someone who has and will be selling you carpets (Ian Wright) and everyone’s least favourite number two (Kate Walsh).

You’ve probably haven’t watched Live from Studio Five. Hollyoaks is on the other side for one thing. Plus you’ve got sanity. So let me break it down for

" It feels like swallowing knives doused in white spirit" you without using the means of rap.

The show begins with bleak communist style budget opening titles, as the camera swings round the studio like it has severe nausea. Then the presenters troop on screaming and yabbering about how this programme is simply, gush, amazing. Clapping and cheering ensues by the production team, but its not like its main competitor. The One Show has a rather cheery woop wooping by the production team on instruction by the presenters, but here there are only occasional claps, and as you can see them on the screen (due to the fact that the studio is bloody small) it looks as if most of

them are about to hang themselves during the ad-break.

As the show's budget is £35.02, most of which goes on counselling support, this means that there aren't any roving reporter featurettes about pasturising cheddar cheese. Instead we are treated to numerous topical reports that are raised and discussed by the presenters themselves. The topics contain upmarket interviews with those connected to the news (David Hasselhoff), debates about the issues that matter (the toyboy sex shennanigans of Madonna) and reviews about the latest and greatest cultural releases (Holby City).

I was going to end the article giving the inclination that actually, maybe there is a hope, a little gleam of light that makes this show fun and watchable.

You know. Sometimes there are shows like Snog, Marry, Avoid that are so gutwrenchingly appaling that you watch week after week to see how orange and outrageously busty the woman are. I'd want to end this article giving the impression that this is a show you wouldn't mind curling in front of, whilst you are holding a pot of Häagen-Dazs in one hand and have your favourite bedtime book in the other.

But no. This isn't. It's shite.

scott bryan

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Adolf DuBeke: at it again.

The dragons didn't think extra large clocks were commercially viable.

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GAMES A new beastly Batman sets of for battle in Arkham!

LAURA CRESS decides whether this Batman still has his bite or has crocked his last hoarse breath.

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ince materialising in DC comics many moons ago, Batman has appeared in many different forms, ranging from the super camp 60s movie (complete with exploding shark sequence), to the adult Dark Knight film (exploding shark notabley abscent). So which side was the highly anticipated Batman: Arkham Asylum to take?

Thankfully, there's no camp Batman here, the story being an intriguing set up, centering on everyone's favourite greenhaired villian - the Joker.

Chuckles finds himself escorted by Batman to the famous Arkham Asylum, home to all of Gotham City's most renowned villians. However, Batman realises too late that this was Greeny's plan all along, finding himself imprisoned in the asylum grounds, with the Joker and all his henchmen in

control of the facility.

Whilst you don't see any POW! or ZAP! speech bubbles during the fighting, the basic combat system is still very fun to use. Just three buttons are needed. Batman can preform either attack, count or stun moves. The trick is to try and build up a chain of attacks, which then gives the player access to special, kick-ass moves. The emhasis is on speed and timing, giving the button bashing a welcome complex edge.

However, Batman is still able to take severe damage from guns, so certain areas containing armed goons requires stealth tactics. These areas are the best part of the game, in my opinion, because you are able to preform devastating new techniques. For example, you are able to silently gilde down from overhead perches onto unsuspect-

ing foes and deliver some feel-good justice.

There are appearances from nearly all the Batman characters in one way or another, the best two being Scarecrow and The Riddler; the latter notable for the cool puzzles left all over the asylum for the intrepid gamer to find.

There isn't too much to fault with Batman: Arkham Asylum, one of the main negatives being since the vision mode is the easiest way to find the secret passageways, you'll be missing out on some of the game's most amazing graphics. Still, this game lives up to the hype and is probably one the best action-adventure games out at the moment.

In fact, you could say it bat-ters the competition!

Drinking to Fifa 2010

Kevin DAY explains how to get the most out of the latest Fifa.

T

his can be played by two or more players and requires a few drinks of your choice. Before the kick-off, players must drink two fingers if they play as any five-star rated team (e.g.

Manchester United, Barcelona). This is purely in the interests of leveling things a little.

Gameplay: You drink if...

1) You commit a foul (1 finger).

2) Receive a yellow card (2 fingers).

3) Receive a red card (4 fingers).

4) Give away a penalty (2 fingers).

5) Miss a penalty (4 fingers).

6) Score from a header (2 fingers).

7) Make tactical changes outside the halftime break (2 fingers).

8) Score an own goal (finish the drink).

Other players drink if...

1) Injure an opponent (2 fingers).

2) You hit the crossbar or post (1 finger).

3) Score a lob (2 fingers).

4) You score (4 fingers).

5) You win with a terrible team, e.g. Tranmere, Peterborough (4 fingers).

Celebrations: 1) The Robot. No-one likes you. Drink three

Today, the brawler genre has taken a serious beating, as lazy and poorly designed wrestling games or the insanely brutal Madworld are destroying whatever creditability the genre had. So I harken back to the times when the Mortal Kombat series was still leading the way for all beat-em ups, instead of creating the kind of ridiculous bullshit that it hurled up reacently.

Deadly Alliance still contains all the controller complexities of the previous generations but this time it adds the beauty of modern graphics. Furthermore, extra fighting styles and the addition of weapons all add to create a unique version of this fantastically addictive series.

This version of the series sees the return of the enemies of Earthrealm, Shao Khan (the absorber of souls) and Quan-Chi (evil sorcerer). However there is

a twist with this game. Not only have they combined forces but they have also killed both the Emperor of Outworld, Shao Khan, and murdered Earth's greatest warrior, Liu Kang. Yet that isn't enough, they're also trying to resurrect the unbeatable army of the Dragon King to conquer all the realms as well!

The most pleasing part of this game is (as is typical of this series) the fatalities.

From these wonderfully varying moves, I'd have to say my heart is torn between Johnny Cage's fatality, which involves ripping his opponent's brains out with his bare hands or watching Sub-Zero pull out the unfortunate soul's entire skeleton. I often struggle to find anything that can match that level of virtual enjoyment.

A Truly Smashing Experience

An intoxicating report from CHRIS CRADDOCK about the effects of the curious combination of Smash Bros and booze.

T fingers.

2) Any of the backflips (not the cartwheel) incurs a four finger penalty for the opponent - mess it up however and you drink two fingers.

3) When celebrating with a bow opposition players must applaud in a gentlemanly fashion - failure to do so incurs a two finger penalty.

And finally, the commentary. Fifa has been host to some incredibly suspect commentary in the past few years, and as such all players must drink one finger where any of the following occurs: - Either commentator excitedly shouts a players name e.g. 'ROOOOONEY!' or 'It's the unmissable Robbie Savage'.

CRADDOCK'S CLASSIC: MK: Deadly Alliance (PS2)

he key to any good drinking game is simplicity and this game couldn't be much simpler. You can use any generation of this game and the rules are still the same. 30 lives, 300% handicap and off you go! A drink is inflicted when your character is sent flying from the stage and must be consumed before returning.

Stressing the simplicity is not required.

After several brutal battles, it will literally be a game of last man standing or last man able to wield a controller without spewing his guts, as Mario becomes a horrible red blur and then gets crushed by what a appears to a pink blob that turned into a block (Kirby). Also the level which you choose could have disastrous side effects. This is because basic levels such as Final Destination and Mushroom Kingdom will not lead to the same level of suffering that Spear Pillar and Mute City can produce. However, I strongly advise that Distant Planet remains unused in this game as I can personally guarantee you that it will fuck your drunken head out of its pissed up mind.

Aside from the brilliant straightforwardness of the game, the reason why this tops my drinking chart is down to the fact eventually there will be no level of skill required. Even the best of us will start to begin to throw ourselves off the stage in a alcohol induced haze. One final tip I will give on this game. If you are playing the Brawl version, there is no possible way of surviving this game if you have the smash ball on.

Confusion, chaos and ultimately climatic failure to avoid a chastising chunder will befall you.

MUSIC

SPOTLIGHT

B OOK S Vision talks first kisses, time-travel and Johnny Depp with Girl With a Pearl Earring author

Tracy Chevalier

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TRACY ISLAN

D

ert island with o

One book: Anna

nly…..

Karenina

One man: John

ny Depp

One item of ma

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racy of t Chevalie h r type ose auth is one of au ors. time with a The t dev ho , a alty with civ work n insati oted leg r who ha and i a i s o b a n l n e relig l war sh o ( d for a a relea f i ovin o se da who eag ppetite f fans no l i tt get t g o you o me le while ff centre royare te of eac erly awa r her ) e D a wh o . stag t Sha your h ne it th ne w o A n n n e d I w il e. Ve e kesp w d r such hand an ho willin novel. I e own e for it o y A a u re ex s ld f with t mark with her citing.” and Joh have a fan th d admit gly raise the o o settle And n en y s to a p s r b r t e hers e l s c e v o the With eived ou w ious ary Crea bein w . u il fi g a a P hat of ” love nderlyin tures is novels R the book x in the well ne l recentl e G a n r e t s g h l y o pun e cu Earr irl subt at Trac socia vel ine ing Remark for m of ded lite ing, y exp rrents o with le ev s able t r boug c e h a d e p r f o a w how ask Crea thin h ever, cation. lores wit first Trac ith her bly asg tha t said tures latest Disa h su y first sure nove Trac t stru n . Ha cove ch pp l, v d r to m if she fe ame. I c rom abbling y admit ointingl e e of G “Tracy k me wa the fir n a ls p a t ch l a s s y st i s wort nce were with th her ow of c success: its phe resthis rl With a Chevali the fron e n h o n e is th t Pear r. A larly y: “Ha! not qui world o I try urse th “Always ome Chev u l te so a .

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CULTURE

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MUSIC

SPOTLIGHT

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BOOKS

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LISTINGS

T he Which Suspicion Road er or The s of M

By KaHill House Murder ar te Sum t mersc a l e Befo

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Byhe Sh R a t h e r Ca ad then wrap r neatly rlo ow up t the hi e you start S h u e s R of mmers lls at ending S c the ide running fo a e le uiz the tale w , S effects t i explor e r a of re ith suc c es the on of the n Za Wi ading h a lon reassu t d t h m h B e fón nd u a Wo es rder o lives o re you arc g n t f , this b title let me s r grippi o a e o l ll w ry d W lon ith twi involv n ook is ng, th ed, o o Ca a is a e ut read a to shoc sts that are on f a b f Dan r, th afte ll in on type you w terly sure k. Wha wo r a x ’ s e v i i o ant to r s e sittin when i e t g o makes d s em is t b l g - per yo ing rk, lif it h Fo iting ay g k-sho Sem ook t the fec time st u’re stuck Summ e way in wh a e rgo w the iven p o per ells retchin in bed t for o i e c c r h wn ith , and s t cale ho ten g ahea hid with kles th the wne e, th a .

Based o s p do dea d n r s B i T e o n r d e an f you. al on a murde cie e on ooks en C hon wh all sor narrative wi Sp ransl lesce th, w i r with real-life Wi s o o T t n t . a h s e n a e u h o a A n t h f ‘fun m ltshire r in the ily in that ar facts’ an t onc ish i ted fr t issu ilst d dec e Sha shelv boo llowe etery of 1860, e sure K d e e n n o t k d d K leads to com in han dis hum thri 200 m t es of ealof con ision ow o es, D us thr ate Summe fame fro to dy at tr 4, ll h h o ough t rscale f s investi a i m q a b u s e iz. For pub ers ein act f rous ing, c Zafó e ori is qu he pro gation to the W niel , e t i c t r g o n’s gis , e t h n an Detect ss of ha o a d s m h s s e t t e y p i c i m le u a t e a n h l n e d w ple ve , iv and pu dertak y ken le ts ta d s. t en by re b painst e-Inspector liance, wr destr ome Wh far-r and cts ou he d ill p x, da le ak Which this h rilo e t i h rk e e o e t n n b i er, in r t p a y a pictu ing detail, as to s e e be one f yf au b re of s res ressi ectly tho n bY ing a has he d ching of the uspect uilding up o b b i b b h r e o l s n s oks I oo ee l ers Ju co s, mot o ’ve ev t ’ fl of ives ou k, he f Da lián of th n ste vread. er u. t th a e res nie C d b a et l r o o ’ oks rut lves s sp ax, ith the hb e t ling w ehi o fin cial t batt s i l nd d a journ ite -scale s. small er demon y sound qu he n t a his in gh this m explains well, n u s er v i Altho x Morriso character ed to R the rrison e at ple h f c t i o m d n o e e h c d t eing betwe Sout lake Mo resul ng of links chapter b ally. The of ginni s e

By B b a t u i e d n t th cter ofte ne indivi ittle b e, sus1997 a chara o as a l Set in ur, all the ew world each vel that h it, romanc range t o w ady is a n Labo is a n hing; dry d even a s h New hat there g them, re ns, g t n u a y o r e t r o e n i u h i v t e e mbi wait osens ntrig h stalks t for those a i r a , , p e r e g e e s e n h r hic pen eal of cha t their ca dreams. T otif w of g it id d ec fox m k, makin e trouble to aff , hopes an iling o h o t b t l a n y f a the . famil sts Nat, a cessfu bby, on’t w genre xed i i is suc who d to pick a yle is rela tagon ist, and h tive wife L ich g t s n i g t v h n a u ha it riti to dram ising exec around w The w to change he person The Lost Art ert ters v t c s d a l f a d r y a o of a r e n K r eeping e e Secrets e ch d. ery r and t e characte sual but v rfect Soon are th el is base ores the v h Nat th pe

By Eva Rice nu t , v u t i l g o o u p n n Penelope is n b s i x a t f the ook e ibes, f wri d in the ves o socialising at descr ible way o o get lost The b ctional li friends an air. t n s p l you r u s u i f e e Undeniably on e t o s acc fabulous partie t dy y and oth rough th oxng y acters un e for girls only i u b w o s, l l this book is sw , ic f ibb d th for a f the char again. aiding Charlo eet, simple an and L introduce t’s eccentr tive tte’s o d er satisfying - an a a y e l r N i lives l bett c magician cous , iced cupcake in m k a l fa in to fee an il t Jac hea, t book form. It t e r s n e a e t A u m s Harry, and di is 1954, Penelo le; urs We scoverpe Wallace is seve y, a g unc Nat p ing the truth ab nteen, awkwar untin rior who ; and Harr h ou d, t r and totally in h a t i w w secrets long hi love with sing ir Eco dden. er Johnnie Ray. d affa r Her ancestral dvise The Lost Art of a the ho m is crumbling ar e , o ious Keeping Secret s ound her, and e s has the all that she, he selv anx word ‘charmin r brother Indi g’ written go, his ces. and beautiful r d all over it, and but impoverish ete an rman is wonderfully ed mother can do s n P of o i f ct easy to read. Pe is watch. A r a pe hing tyle ill nelope and chance meetin he ing t s Charlotte mak g with Charlo tur ys to t some rth t w e an entertaini tte a however begins e f e a ng tha n the s pair, and ther r e i to transform he n r e g o t e e is just enough e u t n e r world. v r i ajo depth to keep The down writ t of e nvers ht P it the right side g u o i d o of ’s saccharine. Ch e an he e c yN ick-lit at its be Kay our huckl s. Th g in t lent st. rdar Kay obi c t n a t m i u v n u t u t a i a t h rm b; u de or Sa Pete up g firs stu comf he eq a pu ll a h f w c s o y s n t o in wi B lli ei s st rea oll ille al ton t it i mates s’ flu of. e f est-se Whe ealt h t r b u d r. tion e tha with freshe ed yo e to a s is his ughte aphy v me s Thi y to ns hat a in to r t i l e o g a r L y s c o p h r s i f e t to de a c g t gre tob aph d o o b of ethin have plex s to ge ead ogr soun us au ion t is pro t his s m t s m o e h e u i r o b i o l h s Th prev s dec arts ing o and dou s no c aracte re litt dy for h ’ t o s c e s y i o n h b a e h s s a ld c t t i e e pu off , th h K her , or o your rest r shou f T o wit edian sets ial in u w s o e o t foll s with ven a oks y d! som ucom e firs mater ea ip e gi t bo ear ridic u h t r s h g p s n a u tex l b gi the t yo you ndwil those eadin do l and m bu ound sta s. y r l l e f a b e l b a clu ot on ateri ind th his I ns of lly N rea t m beh and t riptio ass” s r i f c es , cl he his stori hear he des high s t s o g, t “ t e u u e o t l s e n n e g e i s th e v also t amu s of th n s mo patro ents, the blishm a est

TAKE 5:

Books to See You Through Freshers' Flu

Isobel Shipp and Victoria Lovegreen

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YORK'S FINEST. . .CULTURAL ATTRACTIONS

The Culture Team present their definitive guide to York's Finest cultural offerings...

S

o Freshers' Week has drawn to it's inevitable close. You've been introduced thoroughly to the York nightlife: ehausted the Micklegate Run, experienced Tru, Ziggy's and Gallery. and spent half your weekly budget on a night of cocktails in Evil Eye. You've negotiated the crowds and explored the Shambles, pillaged the sizeable Topshop and pretty much every other highstreet store, not to mention located and raided the best vintage and charity shops,. You're ready for something different, and here we are, with our definiteve list of the best cultural hotspots, from theatre to tearoom, that your new home has to offer . . . enjoy!

oyal R e r t a e h Since the 18th century, York Theatre Royal has been the place York T for drama in the city. From Shakespeare to Pinter, a mix of plays and musicals are performed in the Main House, with smaller productions by youth groups in the Studio downstairs. The theatre also hosts monthly comedy nights. Tickets sell quickly so booking ahead is best, unless you want to end up sweltering at the back in the sky high gallery seats. Tickets for all shows are £5 for students, meaning that even with ice-cream in the interval this is one of the cheapest nights you can have.

Coming up before Christmas are productions of Macbeth, Animal Farm and Krapp’s Last Tape.

inema C n e e r y Sc With three auditoriums, the largest equipped to the presThe Cit

tigious THX standard, comfortable seats and (particularly) nice popcorn, York City Screen will tick the boxes for occasional-cinema-goers or the more serious film enthusiast.s. Films are viewed seven days a week with a ticket costing £6.20.

Just set back from York’s main shopping street, the City Screen building offers more than just a cinema. Panoramic views of the picturesque city can be enjoyed from the sky lounge. On the ground floor, is a cafe/bar complete with a terrace overlooking the river Ouse. Downstairs, is the Basement Bar which hosts diverse music, poetry and comedy events plus a regular film quiz night for devoted film-fans. There is also an Internet cafe as well as two art exhibition spaces.

oom

ea R tty's T

Be

The internationally renowned Yorkshire tea-room, sits on the edge of the pretty St Helen’s square.Although the prices are likely to deliver a little blow to most student budgets, a visit to Bettys is a delicious treat, if only a one-off.

Bettys has preserved to perfection the great ritual that is English afternoon-tea. The cafe, with its high curved windows, polished wood panelling and ornate mirrors, oozes early 18th century elegance. An ample array of both Yorkshire and continental teas are offered. The final flourish is in the arrival of your crustless sandwiches and dainty cream cakes on a 1930s cake trolley.

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us M y a w ail

R

If the idea of a museum dedicated to trains brings back childhood memories of being dragged around dull museums by your parents, then think again. The Railway Museum is a great place to while away an hour, especially if you’re killing time at the station anyway. Free admission is an added bonus. Housed in the Great Hall, visitors can wander freely between the exhibits, from the Japanese bullet train to the Flying Scotsman. There’s also a simulator and a model railway – perfect if you’re looking for somewhere to take the family. And if you really can’t stand the idea of looking at trains, there’s also a pretty decent café.

y

ller t Ga

r

A York

F eaturing six rooms spanning two floors with a diverse and ever changing range of art covering 600 years, York Art Gallery is a must see. The ground floor houses the special exhibitions, which change every couple of months, and has featured exhibitions curated by the likes of author Tracey Chevalier. Currently housing a moving exhibition entitlled 'Reflection's on War,' along with it's permenant collection which boasts pieces from a diverse range of artists, from Lowery's city scenes to religious art circa 1400, there is something for everyone. Best of all, entry is completely free.

er

inst M k r Yo

With free entry upon producing a student card, there really is no excuse not to at least take a peak inside the towering mass of gothic architecture that is York Minster. Visually stunning, both outside and in, and guarenteed to have even your bored/sceptical companian staring open mouthed and awestruck at the vast ceilling and intricate stained glass windows. Be sure to check out the gargoyles in the Chapter House - no two are the same. And, for a small fee, those not afraid of heights can join in a climb of the tower, a truly memorable experience.

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Reviews . . . The Railway Children A

new theatrical experience occurred here in York during my summer holidays. The National Railway Museum played host to a thrilling recreation of Enid Blyton's beloved children's tale, The Railway Children. Childhood nostalgia aside, for me the real excitment lay in the concept. I had never been to a production in which the set, consisting of a railway line, was in the middle of the audience. The exhibition itself was incorporated into the perfomance, the trains, of course, becoming the set. One could not help but feel entirely engrossed within the performance, despiute the fairly minimal set and lighting. The extremely apt location only added to the effect, It made it seem real. My partner and I truly were made to feel a part of Blyton's whimsical world. I have never been to a production and found my self so immersed that I actually felt myself waving with the actors and actresses as they waved at the trains! Another additional effect was the curtains which ran across the audience, giving the impression of a tunnel.

For those unfamiliar with the plot (despite the films ubiquity on the television listings every Christmas and

Cafe Culture tty le Be

Litt

's

Easter), an overview: Bobby, and her siblings Peter and Phyllis are forced to move from London to Yorkshire when their father is arrested. The children tell the story as if they are adultslooking back on their summer spent in a little cottage by a railway.

The children experience the struggle of their ne found poverty, and find themselves in adventures with Russian writers and Paper Chasers.

The characters were portratyed just how I expected them to be: a somewhat toned down version of the characters in the aforementioned film. The production managed to avoid that cardinal sin of selecting cloying, irritating child actors.

Instead the characters are interesting and well portrayed, rather than mildly annoying as in the film. The story focuses strongly on the family: their experiances of growing up in a world unfamiliar from their previous, well-heeled existance, and their perseverance through their various hardships. It may not be a story of our times, but I believe the moral is rather timeless, resulting in an engaging, relevant plot.

The characters would also sometimes break the fourth wall, addressing the audience as if they were telling

CULTURE

us the story of their lives directly.

This was a perfect opportunity to add humour to the scrip, and the perfomers delivered it well. The flitting between them talking to the audience and being the characters in the story was so close together that it was sometimes quite confusing.

Nevertheless this was effective in allowing us into Bobby's mind, and filling in gaps in the plot which the script could not provide.

The acting was superb, with the small exception of the stationer's children, who were probably just there to look cute. The performers engaged with the audience from the moment they appeared on stage, chatting to us and asking if we had a good day. Once the play started they moved through the scenes excellently, and managed to strike the right balance between entertaining the audience and interacting with each other on stage. The production had made a comeback from the previous year, and I would highly recommend it to anyone if it returns to the stage of the National Railway Museum next year!

By Emma Burbidge

You've done the cultral tourist trail, why not take your pick from our choice of York's lesser known coffee shops and cafes . . .

rto

nce o C e

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What Not To Miss . . .

DRAMA SOC DOES ' THE BALD PRIMA DONNA '

Friday-Sunday, Week 2, 7.30pm Tickets £3.00 - £4.50 The Drama Barn Check out Drama Soc's first offering of the term, and join them in an absurd portrayal of a very English dinner party . . .

A NIGHT IN THE

WEST END

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Join York Musical Theatre Company and it's Youth Section for a night in the west end, featuring songs from all your favourite musicals, from Hairsrapy to Mama Mia! 29- 31 October Tickets £5.00 Joseph Roundtree Theatre

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he little sister to the legendary Betty's cafe is tucked away on Stonegate, just a stones throw from the Minster. A little more discreet than it's showey bigger sibling, Little Betty's is located in a quaint medieval building, up a winding flight of stairs in a cosy, beamed tea room. Fires roar in the winter, making this a perfect post Minster/ art gallery/massive shopping trip recuperation stop. As with the bigger Betty's, an extensive range of cakes, teas and light meals are offered, service is friendly and staff wear cute blouses and aprons. I looked whistfully at the champagne afternoon tea, only £50.00 a pop, but we opted to have lunch - warm open top sandwhiches with a variety of toppings. My companion's Eggs Benedict, though delicious, arrived a little late and the waitor was highly apologetic, removing it from the bill.

All this washed down with Betty's own blend tea, and while a little more expensive than a panini in Costa, definately worth it for the experiance.

And if you're not full up, pickup some delectable baked goods for later in the ground floor shop on your way out!

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afé Concerto is one of York’s greats. This music-themed café has a cosy and informal feel that makes it the perfect place for a coffee stop in York town centre. Take a seat at one of the little wooden tables, under walls covered in vintage music sheets. The quirky style – think vintage music instruments and memorabilia dotted around, and handwritten menus swirled with treble clefs – is matched by the great food on offer. Along with the usual coffee and tea options, the café offers baguettes, soups and all kinds of tempting afternoon nibbles.

But whether you eat or not, save yourself for dessert because the cake is the biggest draw. Generous portions of the chocolate fudge cake or apple crumble are simply delicious. Can’t decide what to have? Then the Sweet Duet option offers you half slices of two cakes for just £5.95 – ideal for sharing with a friend. Café Concerto is not the cheapest option in York – its somewhere you need to go before the student loan starts running out – but the relaxed atmosphere makes it one of York’s best. At busy times there’s sometimes a small queue at the door (nothing like the one at nearby Betty’s, however) but if you do have to wait, then it’s worth it. Go on your own, go with a friend, take your mum – go with anyone who’ll share another portion of cake with you!

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estled within the turret and walls of one of the many bridges that span the Oooze River lies the staggeringly quaint Place Verte. With a menu heavy on the desserts – from the more traditional English fare (cream teas, home-made chocolate chip scones), to a taste of the continent in the delectable array of pancakes and crepes. This snug little cafe will have those with a sweet tooth spoilt for choice. Unequivocally the highlight is their Belgian hot chocolate: a tall glass of steaming milk, accompanied by a generous bowl of chocolate pieces (you are offered the choice between dark, milk or white) to drop in and watch melt. And, if that’s not enough, a pot of whipped cream is served on the side. Venture up the winding staircase and find a tiny chocolatier, selling an array of homemade treats. With the hot chocolate and ‘Belgian Coffee’ (with a selection of homemade chocolates on the side) less than three pounds a pop, why not ditch Starbucks and head towards the river for some cosy, and, despite the name, rather quintessentially English treats.

By Emily Brunwin and Emily Hodges

ILLUMINATING YORK

23rd October - 1st November As the nights draws in, thousands flock to the city for the annual Illuminating York festival in order to see the city in a beautiful new light, with art in the form of illuminations projected onto many land mark buildings in the city. Remember writing your name with a sparkler on bonfire night? Do it on an epic scale with the oppertunity to draw on a giant projected canvas!

For more information on the seperate events, visit www.illuminatingyork.org

MUSIC

SPOTLIGHT

FILM

TV

GAMES

BOOKS

CULTURE

LISTINGS

20 Questions Carol McGiffin Renowned for her forthright views and occasional cynicism, McGiffin started her broadcasting career cohosting a radio show with Chris Evans in 1988, who she later married.

Now a staple member of daytime TV show Loose Women, McGiffin took some time out from the catfights to speak to Vision.

ful writer/author.

1) Describe yourself in 5 words

8) How has TV changed your life?

Tall, loud, opinionated, honest, kind.

In many ways - I'm most grateful that I don't have to commute to work on the tube every day during rush hour.

2) Favourite quote?

6) And before you die?

See above, that's it. Oh, am I supposed to say world peace there?

I'd been unhappiest but I think that now has to be the happiest time of my life because, quite simply, things just couldn't get better.

12) What are you most proud of?

The fact that I'm nearly fifty, I'm still working in television and I have a gorgeous 27 year old fiance.

7) Who would play you in a movie of your life?

Cameron Diaz!

13) What are you scared of?

Dying a horrible, slow, painful death.

Interview by Will Wainewright

14) What was the last album you listened to?

The Killers - Day And Age.

computer and about 120 albums full of prints. I look at them all the time.

15) And the last film you watched?

18) Favourite food?

Old: Overboard. New: Benjamin Button.

Japanese, especially tuna and salmon sashimi.

Harriet Harman, I'd get done for murder.

Try and address the main reason for all of our problems, overpopulation.

I don't mean by massacring loads of people but by controlling the future population growth by birth control, laws and education.

4) Who are your heroes?

10) What's your guilty pleasure?

My Mum and The Queen.

Gadgets and instant mash potato.

Producer of the Big Breakfast, just thinking about it makes me ill. I was quite good at it though!

5) What would you like to achieve in the next five years?

11) When were you happiest?

"The power of accurate observation is often seen as cynicism by those who do not have it". George Bernard Shaw.

3) Who would you least like to be stuck in a lift with?

I would very much like to be a success-

9) If you were world leader, what would you do first?

I have almost always been happy - it would be easier to tell you when

16) What's the worst job you've every done?

17

EDITORS (+ THE JOY FORMIDABLE) Academy, Leeds Three albums in, the wonderfully grandiose Editors are still going strong with their latest release offering more of the slightly melodramatic dark-tinged indie they have been flogging for years.

Monday

Wednesday

21

JULIAN CLARY Opera House, York

My photos, I have about 17,000 on the

THE DELAYS Brudenell Social Leeds

Self-proclaimed “Lord of the Mince” waltzes (should that be minces?) into town for a gig that promises to be camper than Christmas.

Strap yourselves in.

Club,

With a new album expected for release early next year, Southampton’s finest post-pop peddlers are due to brave it up north next week.

Friday

19

23

BETH JEANS HOUGHTON City Screen Basement, York

Mr Sarcasm himself, the ex-Buzzcocks host (right) comes to York for an orgy of dry wit. Just don’t heckle – you’ll never win.

20

FRANZ FERDINAND Academy, Leeds

Despite an underwhelming third album, these Scottish have enough annoyingly catchy riffs in the bank to keep any audience happy.

20) How do you relax?

Lying on the sofa watching hours and hours Come Dine With Me or Nothing To Declare.

Scenesters

17th - 26th

Thursday 22 Monday

SIMON AMSTELL Opera House, York

Tuesday

I can't tell you, it's too disgusting.

17) What's your most treasured possession?

Picks of the week Saturday

19) What is your most unappealing habit?

P

La Roux. Lady Gaga. Florence and the Machine. For those of you not satisfied by the preponderance of slightly odd female solo artists thrown up by the musical ether this year, here is another one. Tipped for the top, Beth Jeans Houghton boasts a great voice along with the requisite weirdness.

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DIZZEE RASCAL Academy, Leeds Despite the big man (above) having his penchant for appalling song lyrics (I know that my Spanish is so-so/but let’s keep that on the low-low) and his complete surrender to the dark forces of pop, this should be a cracker.

Scene Editor Jenny McLarney Music Editors Laura Cress Kate Missenden Music Deputy Stefan Philpott Film Editors Charles Rivington David Elliott Film Deputies Mike Warren Sara Pournasrollahzadeh TV Editor Scott Bryan Games Editors Chris Craddock Kevin Day Books Editor Jenny Keogh Books Deputies Victoria Lovegreen Isobel Shipp Culture Editor Emily Brunwin Culture Deputies Emily Hodges Ruth Gallie Listings Editor Will Wainewright