The Paradox of Change

As the new year rolls on, and we look at our goals for the future, we bump right into the paradox of change.

On the one hand, you have a desire to be or accomplish something different than you already are or do.

On the other hand, to be successful in changing yourself or behavior you need to accept yourself as you currently are.

What’s this all about? Acceptance and change are two sides of one coin.

First, you must totally accept yourself as is, and then you can start looking at making some changes. Identity and then mindset are two important components needed to take the goal for change and make it a reality. Identity.

Who do you think you are? Maybe you've heard this said to you before in an accusing tone, meant to shame you.

That is not what this is all about. Understanding what you think about yourself is the key to unlocking the ability to change. If you don't think you can change, then everything you try will bonk up against this foundational truth.

Once again, who do you think you are? Let the inner critic settle down and sit this one out.

What are you good at? What brings you joy? When have you been successful? When have you been content?

Recall all the good, the great, and the wonderful parts about yourself. Think about the things that you're proud of, happy in, and enjoy being. Is this person capable of making a change?

Would you feel certain that you can say “You can do it!” to yourself and mean it? Are you able to maintain this perspective to support yourself through the ups and downs of making a change?

If not, that's okay.

Now, you know your first step to making a positive change is working on your identity. There is only one person in the entire world you can control how you are thought about, you. Make sure your thoughts and words to and about yourself are positive ones. Take the time to remember every success, every new skill learned, every obstacle overcome. Write them down and read them over and over. Add new ones, ask for reminders from trusted sources. Build your positive perspective of yourself diligently and deliberately, until you know who you are, without a doubt.

If you can answer, “Yes, I’m pretty flipping cool as I am”, then celebrate, woo hoo. Accepting and appreciating yourself as you are, without any changes, that's a strong foundation you can build on.

Mindset

The transition from thinking about identity to mindset might get a little tricky. It's easy to tangle up or confuse identity and mindset together. They’re more like partners. Identity is who I am, mindset is how I choose to think.

That's the fantastic thing about mindset, it's a choice. You might not have paid attention to how your mindset developed, but that's okay. You can do that now. choosing and changing for your greatest benefit. Having a growth mindset means believing that you can take your status and improve it through learning and effort. It's understanding that where you are, how you are, and your strengths and weaknesses, are all a starting point from which you can make progress. With a growth mindset, you look at the change you want to make. whether it's becoming someone who is different or adding new behavior. Then give yourself permission to begin that process, take that action, and accomplish the new goal.

Now that you’re ready to make the change, you will have to learn new skills and practice them. Learning and effort, refining the process as you go, to play to your strengths and support your struggles. Practice makes progress and reviewing and refining make it faster.

The paradox of change can be resolved.

You are wonderful and worthy, just as you are, right now, with no changes, no caveats.

You are capable of change through growth and effort, to take your goals and make them real.

Complete acceptance of who you are in the present creates the path for accomplishment in the future.

Written by Jennifer McFarland | Monarchdawn.jen@gmail.com

Editorial Note: Change is good, especially having a Vision Board as your road map. Email Vision Made at visionsmadellc@gmail.com to start creating your Vision Board.