MS PARENT RESOURCE NIGHT
September 22, 2022
COUNSELING DEPARTMENT Ashley Giljum Grades 6-8 Stephanie Sparks Grade 9 Peggy FitzGibbon, Mary Bodlovich, Chrissy Boyce Grades 10-12 Alice O’Donnell Administrative Assistant
“Your child, although progressing happily with her social, emotional, physical, and intellectual development to this point, upon entering middle school begins to embark on a major construction project to build the 3 things she needs to be an adult – a grown-up body, a mature brain, and a unique identity.”
“This is her primary job in middle school – and it’s an awesome task.” Middle School Makeover by Michelle Icard pg. 4)
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MS COUNSELING PROGRAM
• Individual & Small Group Sessions Student Check-Ins Classroom Guidance Lessons 6th Grade – Quarterly Lessons, Study Skills & Girl Talk 7th Grade - Owning Up 8th Grade – Owning Up CTP Online (ERB) Standardized Testing October 11-13 (Early dismissal at 11:30am on Wednesday, Oct. 12)
ADDITIONAL PROGRAMS • MS Wellness Club • Study Skills Club • (7th and new 8th) • Peer-2-Peer Tutoring • Cotillion by Etiquette St. Louis – 8th Graders • Monthly MS Counseling Newsletters and Resource Board on the Viz Portal
ACADEMICS
TYPICAL ACADEMIC DEVELOPMENT CHARACTERISTICS
Age 11 – enjoy a challenge; need help with time management; learn well in collaborative groups; need quiet breaks; enjoy more responsibility in their learning.
Age 12 – increasingly able to plan ahead, organize their thoughts, and set short-term goals; can handle more assignments spread over several days and get excited about lengthy projects that involve creativity; ready to learn more advanced research skills and use several sources; can offer peers significant academic help and do well when revising.
Age 13 – tentative and unwilling to take risks on tough intellectual tasks; appreciate opportunities to evaluate own work; increased reasoning skills; subjects they like and dislike become more pronounced; often prefer working independently instead of in groups; respond well to predictable homework assignments and opportunities to take safe risks.
(Yardsticks – Center for Responsive Schools, Inc.)
OUR GOALS Self Advocacy Independence Utilizing resources Success Failing Forward
(Dr. Lori Desautels)
“Middle School Students have an overemotional brain with an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex.”
TEENAGE BRAIN
(https://sites.duke.edu/apep/module-3-alcohol-cell-suicide-and-the-adolescent-brain/content-brain-maturation-is-complete-at-about-24-years-of-age/)
Prefrontal Cortex –• Executive Function • Impulse Control • Weighing Long-term Consequences
HOMEWORK EXPECTATIONS
On average, 1.5 – 2 hours per night Will vary based on rotating schedule and which classes drop Advisory/Enrichment Viz Portal/ OneNote Class information; homework, quiz & test dates Viz calendar, news & resources VIZ Planner Daily schedule, record homework, calendars, MS information
LAPTOP Guidelines for use at home: • Where? When? How long? • Consequences Monitoring: • Use in a visible place • No minimizing • Software – WebWatcher or NetNanny (https://www.webwatcher.com/ or https://www.netnanny.com/)
SOCIAL LIFE & EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING
TYPICAL SOCIAL & EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT CHARACTERISTICS
Age 11 – impulsive, self absorbed, speak before thinking; able to see the world from different perspectives; becoming more abstract thinkers; testing limits is an important developmental milestone (often behave better at school than at home); sometimes moody, sensitive, indecisive, and defensive about mistakes; worried about who is in and who is out amongst peers.
Age 12 – try on different personas and use latest slang; capable of self-awareness, insight and empathy but still like to argue one point of view; leadership qualities abound, and they thrive on opportunities for service; enthusiastic and spontaneous; gaining confidence in own ideas and opinions; need significant adults in their lives (not just parents) to think about serious topics.
Age 13 – sometimes a bumpy transition to increasing independence; ready for freedom and responsibility but can be moody, sensitive and isolate self due to easily hurt feelings; acts of meanness may stem from insecurities or fear of being left out; humor is often punctuated by sarcasm; pay close attention to peers (feel and exert peer pressure); personal appearance is often a top concern (but not personal spaces).
(Yardsticks – Center for Responsive Schools, Inc.)
SOCIAL/EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES: FITTING IN & BELONGING MAKING NEW FRIENDS CHANGING FRIENDSHIPS CLIQUES VS. FRIEND GROUPS SOCIAL MEDIA & TECHNOLOGY
BODY IMAGE & SEXUALITY PARTIES, RELATIONSHIPS & DATING TO ALCOHOL, SMOKING/VAPING & DRUGS & ANXIETY STRATEGIES
SOCIAL/EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES:
MIXERS,
EXPOSURE
STRESS
COPING
DEALING WITH CHALLENGES Communication • Show warmth and compassion • Listen closely (complaining vs. venting, hot potato & externalization) • Share and discuss family values • Set clear expectations Personal Responsibility • Allow them to handle own problems • Talk through situations, reserve judgement (neutral expression) • Help them learn through their challenges and failures
DEALING WITH CHALLENGES Value Structure and Routine •Sleep – MS students need 9-11 hours of sleep each night •Meals – many do not eat breakfast •Physical Activity •Time and a place for school-work and homework •Help around the house – chores and responsibilities in the home and in the community •Time with friends and leisure (down) time Setting Limits •Consistency is key •Be willing to be unpopular, not her friend •Limit media that might increase anxiety or fears •Create a family media plan •Monitor TV and Social Media usage – limit use, especially at bedtime (avoid laptops and phones in bed at night)
DEALING WITH CHALLENGES Encourage Healthy Support & Coping Strategies • Circle of Control • “Name it to tame it” • Change how we talk about stress/anxiety • Weightlifting analogy Stay Connected at School • Identify available resources • Follow all school communications • Connect with faculty, advisor, counselor, and principal • Outside referrals when necessary
BE AWARE… …of Relationship - Know your daughter’s friends and their parents - Talk to other parents - Notice changes 1 …of Technology - Music - Movies/TV/Netflix/YouTube - Social Media - Distractions/Safety 2
FOR EXAMPLE – FROM THE BARK APP
�� — Used to express annoyance about something �� — Used when getting caught in a mistake or when feeling like a fraud �� — Indicates being “ghosted” (dumped with no explanation) �� — Symbolizes a lie, which could also be called a “cap” —���� Shy, nervous (usually in the context of flirting) �� —��️��️ A response that means, “It is what it is” ��♀��— Can be used in comments to denote a sarcastic, meanspirited tone �� — Emoji slang for Marijuana/weed —�� Often used on TikTok to express wanting something portrayed in the video (2022 Emoji Meanings – Bark App) https://www.bark.us/blog/emoji-slang-guide/
Facts — An emphatic way to acknowledge the truth of someone’s statement Goals — Something you want or aspire to Low key — 1. Somewhat interested in 2. Keeping information secret Mid — Insult meaning “low quality” or “average.” Snapstreak — Created when friends send snaps every day, creating a streak Sus — Short for “suspicious.” Popularized by the Among Us game. Tea — Gossip or interesting news shared between friends https://www.bark.us/blog/teen-text-speak-codes-every-parent-shouldknow/ Overheard aroundViz: (Bark App)
“78% OF HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS AND 34% OF CHILDREN DON’T GET SUFFICIENT SLEEP ON AN AVERAGE SCHOOL NIGHT…” According to The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention & the Maternal and Child Health Bureau (2022)
AGE RECOMMENDED MAY BE APPROPRIATE NOT RECOMMENDED 6-13 years 9 to 11 hours 7 to 8 hours 12 hours Less than 7 hours More than 12 hours 14-17 years 8 to 10 hours 7 hours 11 hours Less than 7 hours More than 11 hours How much sleep is needed? National Sleep Foundation - https://www.sleepfoundation.org/
SURVEY RESULTS
6TH GRADE (31/35 RESPONDED) Music Morgan Wallen Taylor Swift Harry Styles Others include –Imagine Dragons Olivia Rodrigo Billie Elish Maroon 5 Beatles Eminem TV Shows Stranger Things Summer I Turned Pretty Outer Banks HGTV or DIY Websites & Social Media YouTube TikTok Instagram Snapchat Pinterest WhatsApp Amazon Also – BeReal, Roblox, Omegle, Discord (Of those who replied, 22 students own phones / 9 students do not own phones)
7TH GRADE (36/44 RESPONDED) Music Taylor Swift One Direction Harry Styles Olivia Rodrigo Ariana Grande TV Shows Stranger Things The Summer I Turned Pretty Gilmore Girls Only Murders in the Building Websites & Social Media YouTube Snapchat TikTok Instagram Roblox Amazon/Shopping (Of those who replied, 33 students own phones / 3 students do not own phones)
8TH GRADE (39/55 RESPONDED) Music Taylor Swift Morgan Wallen Harry Styles One Direction Olivia Rodrigo TV Shows Stranger Things Summer I Turned Pretty Outer Banks Good Luck Charlie Gilmore Girls Websites & Social Media YouTube Snapchat Instagram TikTok Twitter Also –WhatsApp, Discord, BeReal,Amazon (Of those who replied, 34 students own phones / 4 students do not own phones)
DID YOU KNOW? SURVEY RESULTS • Texting • Cyberbullying • Average Hours of Sleep • Breakfast • Balance between activities & time to relax • Source of stress & pressure
PARENT PERSPECTIVE SURVEY RESULTS
Cell Phones Laptops Parent Education
PARENTS REMEMBER:
• Be gentle with everyone, especially yourself
• Take time for self care
• Help your daughter develop a self-care toolkit – you can create one too!
• Focus on safety and attachment – spend time strengthening connections
• Adjust expectations and practice radical selfacceptance – no one can do it all
• Try chunking your time – there is no road map for this experience, take it moment by moment
• Find humor, focus on what you can control and look for opportunities to be grateful each day
• Remind yourself daily that this is only temporary
• Reach out for help – remind your daughter of the many supports in her life
RESOURCES
Books Referenced & Recommended
https://www.bark.us/ https://useboomerang.com/ https://usa.kaspersky.com/ https://familytime.io/ https://www.healthychildren.org/english/fmp/pages/mediaplan.aspx
Common Sleep https://www.sleepfoundation.org/ https://sleepeducation.org/get-involved/campaigns/student-sleep-health-week/
https://www.crslearn.org/
Technology –www.safekids.com
Sense Media:Age-Based Media Reviews for Families | Common Sense Media
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Additional Resourceshttps://revelationsineducation.com/?v=4096ee8eef7d – Dr. Lori Desautels
- Center for Responsive Schools
Q & A Ashley Giljum 314.625.9225 agiljum@visitationacademy.org
THANK YOU!
