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w! Ow! Ow!” I (Carlos) cried as the church usher pulled my ear while returning me to my seat. He scolded, “I’m telling your dad I caught you running around the church.” I remember thinking bitterly that the only reason the other kids didn’t have a sore ear like me was because their dad wasn’t the pastor. Thankfully, ear pulling is less common these days, but churches are still inflicting pain on the children of ministers. In The Pastor’s Kid, Barnabas Piper, the son of evangelical leader John Piper, compares the experience to a pressure cooker. “The ministry creates a pressure of expectation that is unlike any other,” he writes. Eventually, “the lid blows off and the hurt sprays everywhere.” Over the years, we’ve talked with many pastors’ kids (PKs) who shared similar sentiments. The pain of ministry is real, and the wounds can be deep — for pastors and their families. As parents, we want to protect our children from church wounds. And as pastors, we know how challenging that can be at times. Still, our kids can grow up happy, healthy, and whole. Here are three ways to make the PK experience a great one:
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Accentuate the Positive “We have to go to church again?” It’s the question of PKs everywhere. It is important to help our children develop a healthy outlook of ministry. Despite the difficult seasons we may go through, we can help kids experience the joys of ministry. A friend who grew up in a ministry home told us, “I saw that the first person the world turns to in a time of crisis is a pastor. The place the world turns to when there is nowhere else to turn is the Church.” Loving God means loving people. The next time you visit a parishioner, prepare a sermon, or attend a prayer meeting, invite your children to join you. Show them that ministry is about more than just church; it is serving, caring and showing compassion. Give them a chance to see why you do what you
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Fall 2021
Protecting PKs From Church Wounds Three ways to make the PK experience a great one By CARLOS RAMOS and ROSA RAMOS
do. Invite them to take part in a community food event, summer outreach for neighborhood kids, or school supply distribution. Be careful what you say about the church around your children. Resist the urge to speak negatively or complain. Our kids are watching and listening, no matter their age. I (Carlos) am thankful my parents did their best to give us a positive outlook toward ministry. As a child, I once saw my mother break down in tears after a harsh conversation with a parishioner. To this day, I remember how she responded when I asked why she was crying: “When people hurt you, continue to love and bless them.” How we speak and react in such times will make a lasting impression on our children.
