but go on – test yourselves. N.B. The Questionnaire was created 2 weeks ago. As with many items of news, it is now out of date.
INCISIVE, MY FRIENDS, INCISIVE. BUT LET US PAUSE ERE YET WE STEP INTO THE MURKY WORLD OF STATISTICAL ANALYSIS, LET US REVIEW SOME OF MY FAVOURITE ANOMALOUS ANSWERS. ‘WHAT IS ISRAEL?’ – I wish I could say that this was made up. I really do. She’s a very sweet girl, but apparently she was dropped on her head as a baby. I’m just glad an extremely high proportion of people doing her subject don’t go on to be involved in public office. Oh…wait… ‘I ONLY USE YOUTUBE FOR *CENSORED*, WHY WOULD I KNOW ABOUT SOME STUPID VIRAL AD?’ – There’s not much you can really say to that, is there?
‘CAROL THATCHER’ – There are a
number of questions in which this answer would have been funny, but what I liked is that the boy who used this as the answer to question 15 actually argued with me for 5 minutes after I told him it was wrong.
Afterword Hello Gentle Reader,
However, we can’t let the ineptitude of a few colour our impression of the masses. First, let’s get into the ‘nitty-gritty’ - the statistical analysis which will clarify our view of what is really going on in Cambridge:
in the morning. But now we come to the big showdown. Which college came out on top? The answer was inevitably Girton, sweeping all before them to leave Jesus in a bloody mangled heap at the bottom. (I’M REFERRING TO THE COLLEGE, VIVID RESPECTS ALL FAITH GROUPS EQUALLY) Sciences triumphed, with an average of 9, versus arts paltry 8.8. Proof, if ever it was required, that whilst arts students are out doing interesting things, scientists are hitting F5 to refresh BBC news an average of 786 times a day.
BASIC STATISTICS Percentage of correct answers by question: 1 56% 2 36% 3 56% 4 90% 5 31% 6 63% 7 68% 8 66% 9 65% 10 65% 11 65% 12 71% 13 36% 14 63% 15 81%
Niall Caldwell here, feature writer and still have, from first-hand experience of a certain Out of 137 responses, the average score was 9. That’s pathetic. As they not a racist. Due to unforseen turbulence editor politely emphasizing the importance were often fond of saying on the Maze, a child of of three could in global credit derivative markets and Crystal the financial deadlines to the publication have shown more accomplishment. well answered was resultant recession, you’re reading this,Particularly not of this magazine (for a fuller debrief of my Q.4, with over 90% of respondents that Boris is the overlord an advertisement. ‘What joy,’ I hear yourealizing cry, difficulties in raising capital for this issue, of Lahndan. Who says Cambridge is dominated by people from the ‘your contribution to the last issue struck c.f.Oh,the cider and The South-East? AnotherAlice, appalling stat and point men are about smarter than is that only 36% of respondents women. 9.6 to 8.4, on average. a balance of insightful reportâge and pithy Wire.) realized that the current interest Take that, feminism! (Ed – I knew rate is 1%. I love the smell of it was a mistake to ask you to write student loan-induced complacency bantér.’ ‘I know’ I acknowlegde with a coy Why doanything.) we doV this to ourselves? Why do glance. we take such perverse pleasure in setting RIANS, VIVID’S VEHICLE OF PREFERENCE IS A VAUXHALL, VIVID LIKES VARNISHING, VIVID NEEDS A VASECTOMY, VIVID VAS DEFERENS, VIVID IS VAUDEVILLIAN, VIVID IS VERILY A VERGER, VIVID IS VAST, I wanted to take a moment to talk to goals that we constantly miss and have to you about inevitability; particularly those reposition? The answer is simple. Were we of missed deadlines. It seems right that as to forgo this, then we would have fuck all to exams will reach a fervent climax in but talk about in exam term. It’s the festering a few short weeks, we discuss something grease that keeps the cogs of conversation that becomes increasingly relevant for turning. It’s the clichéd metaphor that forms all students. We mentally make ‘to-do’ a rhetorical stress in a comment piece. lists, only to be scuppered by our own Nothing is more satisfying to someone fecklessness. We vow to have X and Y than waxing lyrical about what they haven’t completed well in advance, then feign accomplished, in a bizarre rite of academic surprise when we realise that wallowing in sadomasochism. That’s where Vivid comes cheap cider and episodes of The Wire are in in, gentle reader. Since the workshy minions fact detrimental to the completion of almost of TCS and Varsity wont provide you with any task. At this time of one’s university sufficient Cambridge gristle to chew on, experience, the passage of time takes on we have. Missing deadlines is probably an ominous tone that it just doesn’t have inevitable. But armed with a copy of this at any other time in the year. I for one am magazine, you can probably stop talking all too aware of the impact deadlines can people to death about it.