Voice Male Summer 2008

N e w Vi s i o n s o f M a n h o o d

Voice Male The Magazine of The Men’s Resource Center for change

Summer 2008

V-Day :

Vic tor y over Violence

Inside: Prostitution and Male Power • Sculpting Young Black Men Obama, Race and Hoops • Men and Romantic Sex • The Evolution of ManKind

From The Editor

V-Day: Victory over Violence

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By Rob Okun

t was no accident that New Orleans was the site of the 10th anniversary of V-Day, a dizzying two-day celebration in April of the global movement to end violence against women and girls. The vibrant, pulsating city, though far from healed in the two and a half years since the levees broke, flooding the city in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, offered safe harbor for the slam poets, artists, writers, healers, hell raisers, and hope mongers—activists all in the struggle for truth, justice, and a new American way. I was part of the tribe that converged on the Big Easy, in my case to also speak at Tulane University and to visit one of my daughters.

While it was a far cry from Mardi Gras, colorful costumes, laugh-outloud T-shirts (“Viva las Vulvas” read one), Native American dancers, and the Mahalia Jackson Choir made for a celebratory mood. We needed all that upbeat energy as a counterweight to the grim stories of violence against women recounted from the main stage. It was both chill-

ing and hopeful that V-Day was held in the Superdome where so many suffered, primarily New Orleanians of color who had no way to get out of the city after the storm. Transforming the space from a suffocating container of despair to a vessel of great hope was accomplished by imaginative art—installations suggesting vaginal canals and portraits of “sheroes” of the women’s and civil rights movements. Upper floors had places for women to go for free health care, a hair salon, and yoga instruction. An “activists’ lounge,” open to women and men, was filled with literature, art, books, and animated conversations.

An imaginative, urgent effort to raise consciousness and money, V-Day grew out of playwright-activist Eve Ensler’s wedding of art and activism. Her awardwinning play The Vagina Monologues is expected by the end of 2008 to have been performed at more than 3700 V-Day events around the United States and the world. A star-studded performance of the play, featuring Jane Fonda, Julia Stiles,

Salma Hayek, and Jennifer Beals, capped off the two-day gathering and included music by Jennifer Hudson, Faith Hill, and the New Orleans Gospel Choir.

Among the conversations Eve Ensler facilitated from the stage was one with women activists from conflict zones—Iraq, Bosnia, Afghanistan, the Philippines, and the Congo. The struggle for women’s lives in these war-torn countries was as heartbreaking to hear as it was inspiring to learn of women’s vision and small victories.

At V-Day, men were also visible, albeit a minority of all who attended. Some were activists working to prevent violence against women; others were eager to learn what they could do. A men’s panel featuring local and national figures in the antiviolence men’s movement held the attention of the audience with a sophisticated discussion of men’s roles in perpetuating and preventing violence.

As more men—from high school to middle age—are encouraged to examine (and break out of) the box of conventional masculinity men have been socialized to inhabit, a burning question looms large: How can we inspire more men to acknowledge that some men’s violence requires all men to reject any kind of abuse of women? There is no middle way. To paraphrase the current tenant

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Paula Allen

• Voice Male

The V TO THE TENTH SUPERLOVE Parade, April 12,2008,featuringDr.DenisMukwege(centerleft) from the Democratic Republic of Congo, V-Day activist Agnes Pareyio, right, and V-Day founder/ artistic director Eve Ensler (wearing boa).

Voice Male Table of Contents Features Dude, Where’s My Romance? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 Men and Romantic Sex

By Kim Rice and Ross Wantland Thinking About Sex a Lot — But Not the Way You’d Think . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

By Haji Shearer Unpacking Men’s Invisible Knapsack . . . . . 12 Male Privilege

by Barry Deutsch In the American Media, It’s All About the John . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Prostitution and Male Power

By Gail Dines Pissing Under Pressure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 A Poem

by Mark D. Hart ManKind’s Evolution . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 New Warriors and Social Change

By Boysen Hodgson The Transformation of Eliot Spitzer . . . . . . . . . . 25 A Glimpse of the Future

By Rob Okun

Columns & Opinion From the Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 Men @ Work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Voices of Youth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 Sculpting Young Black Men in America

By James Brown ColorLines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Barack: Lace ’Em Up and Dunk!

By Chris Rabb Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 GBQ Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 MRC Programs & Services . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 Editor – Rob Okun Managing Editor – Michael Burke Art Director – Lahri Bond VOICE MALE is published quarterly by the Men’s Resource Center for Change, 236 North Pleasant St., Amherst, MA 01002. It is mailed to donors and subscribers in the U.S., Canada, and overseas and distributed at select locations around New England. The opinions expressed in VOICE MALE may not represent the views of all staff, board, volunteers, or members of the Men’s Resource Center for Change. Copyright ©2008 Voice Male Magazine.

Subscriptions: For subscription information, call (413) 253-9887, ext. 16, or go to www.mrcforchange.org and follow the links to subscribe to VOICE MALE. E-mail: voicemale.subscribe@mrcforchange.org.

Advertising: For VOICE MALE advertising rates and deadlines, call (413) 253-9887, ext. 16.

E-mail: voicemale.adsales@mrcforchange.org.

Submissions: The editors welcome letters, articles, news items, article ideas and queries, and information about events of interest. We encourage unsolicited manuscripts, but cannot be responsible for their loss. Manuscripts sent through the mail will be responded to and returned if accompanied by a self-addressed stamped return envelope. Send articles and queries to Editors, VOICE MALE, 236 N. Pleasant St., Amherst, MA 01002, or email to voicemale.editor@mrcforchange.org.

Summer 2008 •

of the White House, “Either you’re for unlike men’s—extends throughout the the abusers or you’re against them.” We day. When you’ve been raped, when you have to continue to challenge ourselves are without your strength, it is necessary to find our voices and to shift our posi- to help women regain their strength, to tion from the “I’m-a-good-guy-I-don’t- work beside women.” Dr. Mukwege is abuse-women” bystander to someone currently overseeing construction of the who won’t tolerate men who act abu- City of Joy, a refuge for healed women, sively. Men’s participation in inspira- survivors of torture and rape who have tional gatherings such as V-Day is a part no family and no community. of the strategy.

Throughout Perhaps the the gathering, It was both chilling and hopemost compelDr. Mukwege’s ful that V-Day was held in ling expression words came back the Superdome where so of the possibilto me, like a call ity for men in the and response one many suffered, primarily New movement to end might hear out on Orleanians of color who had violence against the bayou. “Every no way to get out of the city women was the day…every day… after Katrina. V-Day organizconversation Eve Say no to violence, ers transformed the space Ensler conducted say no to rape…Say from a suffocating container with Dr. Denis no to violence, say of despair to a vessel of Mukwege, direcno to rape…In each tor and founder of community…In great hope. the Panzi General each community…

Referral Hospital in Each individual Bukavu, in South Kivu in the Democratic should say No! Should stand up and say Republic of Congo. The lone physician No!… Each individual should say No! at Panzi Hospital, Dr. Mukwege said the Should stand up and say No!… If everyhospital is the only center for victims one would do that, things will change… of sexual violence in eastern Congo. If everyone would do that, things will The level of violence against women change… there is unthinkable: vaginas violated V-Day’s 10th anniversary brought with bayonets, bottles, sticks. “This is together women and men of conscience not rape,” Dr. Mukwege said, “this is a from around the United States and decimation, destruction, the destruction around the world. By being held in New of life force, of life.” At Panzi Hospital, Orleans, symbol of struggle and possihe repairs and reconstructs that which bility for a renewed America, the gatherhas been destroyed. ing radiated a moral urgency. Creating a After 10 years of the world know- world safe for women and girls means ing about these unprecedented assaults, creating a world safe for boys and men. why has there has been no real progress? Women have long been doing their part; Ensler asked Dr. Mukwege. “The world as men we must redouble our efforts to needs to be altered,” he said. “The world do ours. comes, sees, is moved and then forgets.”

He said V-Day inspired him with the spirit of healing and hope it engendered. Voice Male editor Rob Okun is executive “I see the image of a snowball gaining director of the Men’s Resource Center momentum, of change coming.” To the for Change. He can be reached at rob. question, “What about you, as a man, okun@mrcforchange.org. keeps you in the Congo, keeps you givCOVER PHOTO by Paula Allen: ing your life to women?” he answered: Dr. Denis Mukwege from the Panzi Hospital in the “We live with women. We understand Democratic Republic of Congo, receives from Eve Ensler the inaugural Dr. Denis Mukwege Award at the strength of women. Women’s work— V TO THE TENTH, April 12, 2008.

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M en @ W ork

Frank Robinson, PhD

Men’s Center Honors Three with Awards

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n advocate for healthy communities, a domestic violence prevention activist, and the male co-president of a high school women’s rights club received Men’s Resource Center for Change awards at the organization’s 12th annual Challenge and Change dinner on May 4.

Frank Robinson, Yoko Kato, and Remy Fernández-O’Brien were honored at a dinner attended by several hundred.

Frank Robinson is executive director of Partners for a Healthier Community, a Springfield, Mass.–based nonprofit organization and a program of Baystate Health committed to building a healthier city through civic leadership, collaborative part­nerships and advocacy.

A public health professional with more than 30 years of experi­ ence working

Yoko Kato

Remy Fernández-O’Brien

in community health education, Dr. Robinson has served as executive director for Partners for a Healthier Community since 1996.

“Frank Robinson makes things happen,” said MRC executive director Rob Okun. “He’s developed several citizen involvement projects and has developed coalitions to better provide for health and insur­ ance access for children. He is exactly the kind of man we like to honor: caring and strong, compassionate and decisive.”

Yoko Kato, woman’s award recipient, has worked for more than a decade and a half to prevent domestic violence in Massachusetts, New England, and her native Japan. After her daughter, Sherry Morton, and grandson, Cedric, were murdered by the boy’s father in 1992, Ms. Kato transformed herself from a bridal fashion designer and dressmaker into a domestic violence

prevention activist, helping efforts to pass the first-ever domestic violence laws in Japan.

“Yoko’s courage and commitment are a model of compassion,” Okun said.

“The day after she lost her daughter and grandson, District Attorney Elizabeth Scheibel met with Yoko. Yoko asked, ‘What can be done to prevent this kind of tragedy from happening to another family?’ That’s the kind of person she is.”

In 2002 Ms. Kato was appointed by the governor to the Massachusetts Office of Victim Assistance. She has been featured on television documentaries throughout Asia and has brought dozens of Japanese social workers, lawyers, and legislators to Massachusetts as well as leading delegations of local leaders to Japan. She’s been honored by the Japanese government with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs Award.

Receiving the Ozzy Klate Memorial youth award is Remy Fernández-

• Voice Male

G. Dean Zimmerman, LICSW

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Psychotherapy & Life Coaching (413) 665-3663 48 North Pleasant Street, Amherst 110 North Hillside Road, South Deerfield

Visit the Voice Male Archive Read articles going back to the Spring 2003 issue It’s simple. Go to mrcforchange.org/ vmarchive.html

M en @ W ork O’Brien, a senior at Amherst Regional High School, where he was co-president of the Women’s Rights Club and served as co-producer of the 2008 production of The Vagina Monologues. A social change activist involved in the arts as a dancer, choreographer, and musician, Fernández-O’Brien, who will attend Brown University in the fall, is also a Latin and jazz pianist.

“When I heard Remy speak at a rally promoting women’s rights I knew I was witnessing a future leader,” Okun said. “Remy’s passion for justice led him to challenge men’s violence against women. He is a role model for other young men.”

Led by Baystate Health, area banks, businesses, and colleges generously underwrote all expenses associated with the Challenge and Change awards dinner; thus there was no charge to attend, but those attending were invited to make a contribution to support MRC programs and services. Persons interested in making a donation can contact David Gillham at (413) 253-9887, ext.16, david. gillham@mrcforchange.org.

School “Cross Dressing” Event Draws Ire of Christian Radio Host

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n elementary-school event in a small Wisconsin town in which kids were encouraged to dress as members of the opposite gender drew angry protests from a Christian radio group.

Students at Pineview Elementary in Reedsburg, 60 miles from Madison, had We Want to Hear from You! Write us at:

Please include address and phone.

Letters may be edited for clarity and length. Deadline for Fall issue: August 1, 2008

anything by this day. They were trying to have fun and come up with a fun dress-up day,” Hayes said. About 40 percent of students dressed up, Hayes estimated, half portraying senior citizens and half dressing as the opposite sex.

“I can assure you we will not be having this day (again).”

Training to Explore Costs, Privileges of Manhood

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three-day training for men and women entitled “Men as Allies” is scheduled for June 25 to 27 at American International College in Springfield, Mass.

Sponsored by Men’s Resources International, an organization that grew out of the Men’s Resource Center for Change, according to organizers Steven Botkin and James Arana, the training will explore the privileges and costs of traditional masculinity; help participants to recognize the causes and impacts of violence in our relationships, families, and communities; teach how to engage men and boys in violence prevention and positive masculinity; develop community leadership and mentoring skills, and build alliances between women and men.

Among those encouraged to attend are individuals who serve as role models for boys and men such as teachers, coaches, tutors or administrators; those who are program directors or group facilitators, case managers, or social and community service professionals or volunteers.

REED SCHIMMELFING, MSW Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker

Psychotherapy for Individuals and Relationships Northampton office

413-586-7454 reedschim@yahoo.com

Summer 2008 •

Voice Male, MRC, 236 North Pleasant St. Amherst, MA 01002 or Fax (413) 253-4801 voicemale.editor@mrcforchange.org

been dressing in costume for a week in April, part of an annual school tradition called Wacky Week. Students were encouraged to dress either as senior citizens or as members of the opposite sex.

A local resident informed the Voice of Christian Youth America and the Milwaukee-based radio network responded by interrupting its morning programming for a special broadcast that aired on nine radio stations throughout Wisconsin. The broadcast criticized the dress-up day and accused the district of promoting alternative lifestyles.

“We believe it’s the wrong message to send to elementary students,” said Jim Schneider, co-host of Crosstalk, a nationally syndicated call-in Christian radio show. “It concerns us when a school district strikes at the heart and core of the biblical values. To promote this to elementary-school students is a great error.”

After the program aired, both the school and the district office were flooded with critical calls. The response surprised Principal Tammy Hayes. She said a flyer detailing Wacky Week had been sent home the prior week, and an announcement was also included in teacher newsletters.

The dress-up day was not an attempt to promote cross-dressing, homosexuality or alternative gender roles, district administrator Tom Benson said. “Our purpose was to [mix] in a bit of silliness with our reading, writing and arithmetic,” not to promote “transgenderism.”

The student chosen theme “is different every year…They did not mean

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Registration is $350 per person and includes lunches. Tuition is free for participants who live or work in Springfield. To learn more, or to register, go to www.mensresourcesinternational. org or contact James Arana at (413) 214-6797 or at jarana@ mensresourcesinternational.org.

Men: Does More Housework Mean More Sex?

• Voice Male

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ccording to a recent study, American men in committed heterosexual relationships still don’t quite pull their weight in the areas of housework and child care, but they’re getting better. And there are some indications that one of the benefits for men of doing more housework may be having more sex.

The report, released this spring by the Council on Contemporary Families and coauthored by sociologists Scott Coltrane of the University of California, Riverside, and Oriel Sullivan of Ben Gurion University, indicated that men’s contributions to housework have doubled over the past four decades, while their time spent on child care has tripled over that timespan.

“More couples are sharing family tasks than ever before, and the movement toward sharing has been especially significant for full-time dual-earner couples,” the report says. “Men and women may not be fully equal yet, but the rules of the game have been profoundly and irreversibly changed.”

In addition to the findings of the study, Joshua Coleman, a California psychologist and author of The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework, says that more equitable division of housework and child care can contribute significantly to a happier relationship and more frequent sex.

“If a guy does housework, it looks to the woman like he really cares about her—he’s not treating her like a servant,” says Coleman, who is affiliated with the Council on Contemporary Families. “And if a woman feels stressed

out because the house is a mess and the guy’s sitting on the couch while she’s vacuuming, that’s not going to put her in the mood.”

Report coauthors Coltrane and Sullivan say that the still-prevalent media perception that men don’t do housework and don’t take care of their kids is not accurate, and does not take into account all the changes in relationships and gender roles “going on behind the scenes” since the 1960s. This change, they say, “is too great a break from the past to be dismissed as a slow and grudging evolution.”

Perhaps the moral should be: Men of the world, unite. Use those mops, brooms, and vacuums; change those diapers; pick up those toys lying around. Your partner might just invite you to, um, help her with something in the bedroom.

Rape in the Congo: The Greatest Silence

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broken heart of darkness in the Congo is being exposed to the light. A new film, The Greatest Silence: Rape in the Congo, is a powerful exposé of the decade-old epidemic of kidnapping, rape, and torture of women and girls in the civil war–torn Democratic Republic of Congo. It is contributing to accelerating a long overdue worldwide outcry.

The devastating assault on women in eastern Congo was also the subject of a powerful dialogue at V-Day, the

gathering in April of people working to prevent violence against women.

On a stage at the New Orleans Superdome, playwright-activist Eve Ensler interviewed Dr. Denis Mukwege, a Congolese surgeon treating victims of unthinkable injuries (see “From the Editor,” page 2). According to a report in Speaking Up, the newsletter of the Family Violence Prevention Fund (speakingup@prsolutionsdc.com), rape is taking place in the DRC on an almost unimaginable scale. Hundreds of thousands of women and girls have been raped in the last 10 years. These women’s suffering is rarely acknowledged; most feel invisible, shamed and mute.

Survivors willing to share their experiences spoke on camera with filmmaker Lisa F. Jackson, who said she made The Greatest Silence in order to break the silence about this ongoing atrocity. When she shares her own experience with sexual assault—she was gang-raped by three men at age 25—the women asked her, “Was there a war in your country?”

Jackson’s film challenges audiences to question how the world has allowed more than 250,000 women and girls to suffer such assaults. As many people in the film attest, systematic rape is an effective way to destroy the foundations of a society. But why are those in power—including powerful nations like the United States—not doing more to prevent the rapes?

The Greatest Silence won a Special Jury Prize for documentaries at this year’s Sundance Film Festival.

ENOUGH, STAND and Campus Progress are teaming up to coordinate home screenings so advocates can discuss the film. E-mail your name and address to events@enoughproject.org to register to host a screening and receive materials, discussion questions, and tips on how to organize the event.

To help end violence against women and girls in the DRC, and to support the International Violence Against Women Act, visit http://www2.americanprogress.org. For more information about The Greatest Silence: Rape in the Congo visit www.enoughproject.org/ greatestsilence.

organizer of WRD. To learn more, go to www.janedoe.org/involved/involved_ whiteribbonday.htm.

Since planning began in 2007 for the first Massachusetts White Ribbon Day (WRD) campaign, an estimated 20,000 men and boys have taken a pledge “not to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women, sexual assault and domestic violence.” Nearly 400 people packed the State House in Boston on Valentine’s Day this year, and WRD affiliates throughout Massachusetts held activities at local schools, hospitals and town halls. The Men’s Resource Center for Change held an event hosted by Zanna, a popular women’s clothing store in Amherst, Mass., featuring performance of an excerpt from The Vagina Monologues and including Rep. John Olver among the attendees. Speakers at the State House event included Boston Celtics forward Leon Powe, Gov. Deval Patrick, Mayor Thomas Menino, and Voice Male advisory board member Craig Norberg-Bohm, coordinator of the Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe, chief

Uproar Grows over Abercrombie & Fitch

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hen the Columbus Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, renamed itself the Nationwide Children’s Hospital, after Nationwide Insurance, which donated $50 million to the hospital, it was a win-win situation for all concerned. But when the hospital agreed to name a new emergency department and trauma center after the retailer Abercrombie & Fitch, in exchange for a $10 million gift, storm clouds gathered.

A coalition of children’s advocates, including the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, several pediatricians, and Parents for Ethical Marketing, has asked the hospital to reconsider its decision because of Abercrombie & Fitch’s practice of using photo depictions of scantily clad young people in sexually provocative poses and contexts to advertise its clothing.

In a letter to the hospital, the coalition members wrote, “It is troubling that a children’s hospital would name its emergency room after a company that routinely relies on highly sexualized marketing to target teens and preteens and sell clothing that objectifies and demeans young people.” They further charged that Abercrombie & Fitch is a “company with a long history of undermining children’s well-being.”

The Campaign for a CommercialFree Childhood has organized a public letter-writing campaign urging the hospital to rescind the plan to name its emergency department and trauma center after Abercrombie & Fitch. According to a CCFC spokesperson, there are signs that there is some opposition to the plan within the hospital itself, and that the hospital administration may be reconsidering. The CCFC hopes to keep the pressure on by continuing its letterwriting effort. To join the campaign, sign the letter, or get more information, visit www.commercialfreechildhood.org. VM

M en @W ork

Thousands of Men and Boys Take White Ribbon Pledge

National Advisory Board Voice Male Magazine Men’s Resource Center For Change

John Badalament, Boston Juan Carlos Areán, Boston Byron Hurt, New York City Robert Jensen, Austin,Texas Sut Jhally, Northampton, Mass.

Jackson Katz, Long Beach, Calif.

Joe Kelly, Duluth, Minn.

Michael Kimmel, Brooklyn Bill T. Jones, New York City Don McPherson, Long Island, N.Y. Craig Norberg-Bohm, Boston Haji Shearer, Boston Rob Okun, Chair

Summer 2008 •

Michael Messner, Los Angeles

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Men and Romantic Sex

Dude, Where’s My Romance?

Andrey PS

By Kim Rice and Ross Wantland romance for themselves, focusing instead on simply delivering it to their partner.

Most men (and women) aren’t consciously aware of this. In fact, most men would contend that romantic or not, sex feels good and is enjoyable! While women have permission to receive romance, in this article we’d like to explore the ways men can also expand their sexual pleasure.

Romance for Two?

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hen we think of romance, we usually think of something that is designed for women. Often, romance is seen as something that men provide for women (although among gay male relationships, the idea of romance may have a broader scope thanks to less traditional gender roles). Unlike “sweet talking” (telling your partner what they want to hear in order to have sex),

romance communicates genuine feelings of love and caring to one’s partner. Men may provide romance, but do they get to receive it?

Traditional romantic approaches present two problems. Women may depend on, expect, or wait for their partners—male or female—to provide the romance, instead of creating it themselves within their relationships. On the other hand, men lose out on the ability to experience

Men reading this may be thinking, “I don’t need or care about romance.”

Though this may feel true, have you ever tried? If you are a man, think about the last time you engaged in slow, romantic lovemaking—for your pleasure. When was the last time your partner gave you a gentle, sensual back massage, whispered romantic things in your ear, slowly kissed you and/or focused on pleasuring your body in ways that didn’t immediately focus on the genitals?

When Kim talks to men about their experience of romance as part of sex, they usually explain that they are romantic with their partners, sometimes playing music, buying flowers, or giving them a massage.

But when asked how they themselves experience romance, men are usually dumbfounded. They explain that slow, romantic sex is something women like, not men.

However, when men are given permission to explore a romantic side of their sexuality, they often report that they enjoyed the experience

very much and are stunned that they haven’t explored it before. We’re socialized to believe that a man’s goal during sex is to prepare his partner for penetration (get his partner ready), and that the main excitement for men is penetration itself. What a narrow view of sexuality!

When we hold rigid views of sexuality and sexual behavior, it becomes difficult to imagine other ways that sex can look. We might believe that nonpenetrative sex is “second best,” which places more emphasis and pressure on the penis and penetration (which can enhance symptoms of erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation). This reinforces for men that sex is not about total body pleasure, but merely what they can do with their penis.

Sex becomes a performance, a job, something men “do” rather than something they experience.

Romantic Interludes

self, asking for the kind of lovemaking you’d prefer. It may be helpful to explain to your partner that you’d like some romance for you, so that the focus can remain on how you’re experiencing romance within your relationship. Remember that this is your chance to experience romance for yourself; you are not being more romantic for your partner’s pleasure.

Identifying your need and desire for romance can lead to feelings of vulnerability, because romance reminds us of our need for love, nurturing, and attention from our partners. This can feel uncomfortable

Kim Rice and Ross Wantland write Doin’ It Well, a weekly sex column for Buzz Magazine in ChampaignUrbana, Illinois. Kim is a sexual health educator, certified in sex counseling and education through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Ross is a sexual violence prevention educator who works to organize college men and women to challenge rape in their communities. You can find archived columns at www.readbuzz.com or on the Doin’ It Well blog at www. doinitwell.blog.com. Reprinted by permission of the authors. E-mail them at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com.

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Summer 2008 •

Men: think about the ways you’d like to experience romance. It may look different from what you think about for your female (or male) partners, or it may look strikingly similar. Do you crave a homemade (or ordered in) candlelight dinner?

Soft music? A total body massage?

Hearing your partner share their feelings for you? Hearing that you’re beautiful? Sexy? Listening to your partner tell you all the ways they want to give you pleasure? Flowers?

A sexual scene that doesn’t lead to penetration but is filled with exploring other parts of your body that often get neglected?

If it’s something you’d like to try, talk to your partner about it. You can either ask that they help you create a romantic evening for you, or you can take the lead and set the stage your-

Romance & romantic sex is another variety to add to your sexual repertoire.

It may not be what you crave all the time, but men shouldn’t rule it out.

if you usually focus your efforts on giving these things, rather than receiving them, and identifying your needs for them can lead to feelings of vulnerability as well.

Don’t despair! Experiencing this vulnerability within the context of a loving relationship can deepen your relationship with yourself and your partner and enhance your sex life!

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Thinking About Sex a Lot — But Not the Way You’d Think

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think about sex a lot.

I’m 45 years old, and I’ve spent much of the past 33 years thinking about sex. I’ve also spent too much time in men’s circles to think it’s just me. I accept a biological basis to these thoughts: I’m hardwired to think about procreation. I love my family, I love nature, I love to write. But thoughts of these and other joys don’t catapult into my mind with the frequency and intensity of sexual thoughts. Sexual thoughts are a category all their own.

Our lives are shaped, however, not so much by what happens to us, but by how we respond. My sexual thoughts haven’t diminished much since I was a young man, but what I do with them has changed. In the past, it was common for me to mentally undress and imagine sexing women throughout the day. At school, work, on public transportation, in the street, all I needed was to see a pretty hairdo, face, breast,

Cameronc

By Haji Shearer

stomach, ass, leg, foot, and the sexual visualization was on.

If the woman was especially attractive to me, I might take the memory home and work with it when I had more time and privacy. In my mind, I’ve sexed more women than Wilt Chamberlain did in real life. I’m neither proud, nor shamed by this fact. It is simply part of who I am.

Sexual thoughts still arise spontaneously in my mind, but I treat them differently now. It’s been a long time since I mentally undressed a woman on the train and imagined full-out intercourse with her. It just isn’t as much fun as it used to be. My shift in attitude regarding this practice is likely due to a combination of maturity, marriage, being a father and a spiritual aspirant. I no longer compartmentalize my sexuality outside of other aspects of my life. I don’t treat the attraction in the same way, but as the old saying goes, I’m not dead. I do feel it.

So what do I do when I’m on the train, or at work, and I feel that familiar pull toward a pretty face, breast, or buttock? The first thing I do is breathe. That sends a signal to my brain. The sharp intake of breath is similar to, but different from, the instinctive “Oh shit!” in the old days.

You know the one. You see a beautiful woman and your brain immediately stops and says, “Oh shit!” At least, that was the phrase imprinted on my mind. Depending on the time and place of your socialization, the phrase might be “Good golly!” or even “Jee-zus!”, but it all means the same thing. I want her.

Through years of training, I’ve reprogrammed myself to take a deep breath when I see a sexy woman.

That breath sends an important message to my brain. It short-circuits the adrenaline rush that is pushing my reptilian brain to fight, flight, or freeze. I need this space because after 30 years of self-reflection, 20 years of monogamy, and 10 years of men’s groups, my knee-jerk reaction to a beautiful woman is still to try and sex her. To engage in one of the oldest fights there is: the sexual conquest.

The breath allows my brain and my body to slow down. It reminds me I am okay just as I am. I don’t have to do anything. The sexual thoughts can be very powerful. Every day men throw relationships, careers, and happiness overboard because they followed that “Oh shit!” down a slippery slope. This initial breath gives my heart and mind time to catch up with

my groin. It doesn’t diminish my pleasure in observing a beautiful woman.

Au contraire! It actually increases my pleasure because the rush of sexual energy is circulated throughout my entire body.

Eastern systems of healing, like yoga and tai chi, describe energy centers in the body. According to these models, concentrated centers of vitality located along the spine control health and disease. As in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in Western psychology, the actions of the lower centers, such as food, sleep, and sex, must be fulfilled before the functions of the higher centers such as love, autonomy, and intuition are fully activated.

When I am in a state of sexual excitement, my awareness is focused on the lower energy centers along my spine, near my groin and navel. If, feeling this sexual agitation, I decide

to pause and consciously breathe, I can literally feel my awareness lift to the higher energy centers in my heart, throat, and head. For folks committed to exploring only the physical aspects of sex this may be hard to believe, but I actually feel a high—similar to my old drug experiences—when my awareness rises in this manner.

Nowadays, I find pleasure in working to deliberately elevate my sexual thoughts. Trying to repress sexual thoughts can be counterproductive. It’s like pushing down on a balloon. It seems like you’re successful until you discover the balloon bulging out in another area. Pausing to take a conscious breath when I feel sexually excited doesn’t repress or deny the thought. It actually revels in and expands the thought to include something greater than just the sum of a woman’s sexy parts. It encour-

ages connection with her spirit as well as her flesh.

I don’t pretend this is easy. If the attraction is intense it can take two or three or more breaths to shift my awareness. Eventually, though, I am able to enjoy an awareness of the source that animates the sexy body part as well as the natural curve of the breast or butt or thigh. I’ve found this is an excellent way to harness, with integrity, the sexual thoughts that constantly bombard my brain so when I gaze at a beautiful woman, the intense desire for sex can more quickly be transformed into the VM satisfaction of simply being.

In addition to thinking about sex a lot, Haji is happily married, parents two teens, directs a fatherhood initiative and serves on Voice Male’s National Advisory Board.

T h a n k You !

The Men’s Resource Center for Change wishes to thank these financial institutions, businesses, and academic centers for generously underwriting the 2008 Challenge & Change Awards dinner.

Baystate Health

Bank of Western Massachusetts Florence Savings Bank Integrity Development & Construction Amherst College Center for Community Engagement Springfield Technical Community College Log Cabin Banquet & Meeting House PeoplesBank

Hampshire College Jones Group Realtors

Summer 2008 •

Ozzy Klate Memorial Fund Holyoke Community College Greenfield Community College Westfield State College Blair Cutting & Smith, Insurance Freedom Credit Union Greenfield Cooperative Bank

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Male Privilege

Unpacking Men’s Invisible Knapsack

• Voice Male

jphotostyles

By Barry Deutsch

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I

n 1990, Wellesley College professor Peggy McIntosh wrote an essay called “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.”

McIntosh observed that whites in the United States are “taught to see racism only in individual acts of meanness, not in invisible systems conferring dominance on my group.” To illustrate these invisible systems, McIntosh wrote a list of 26 invisible privileges from which whites benefit.

As McIntosh pointed out, men also tend to be unaware of their own privileges as men. In the spirit of McIntosh’s essay, I compiled a list

similar to McIntosh’s, focusing on the invisible privileges benefiting men. Due to my own limitations, this list is unavoidably U.S.-centric. I hope that writers from other cultures will create new lists, or modify this one, to reflect their own experiences.

Since I first compiled it, the Male Privilege Checklist has been posted on Internet discussion groups.

Very helpfully, many people have suggested additions to it. More commonly, of course, critics (usually, but not exclusively, male) have pointed out that men have disadvantages too— being drafted into the army, being expected to suppress emotions, and so on. These are indeed bad things— but I never claimed that life for men is all ice cream sundaes.

Obviously, there are individual exceptions to most problems discussed on the list. The existence of individual exceptions does not mean that general problems are not a concern. Pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that bad things happen to men. Being privileged does not mean men are given everything in life for free;

being privileged does not mean that men do not work hard, do not suffer. In many cases—from a boy being bullied in school, to a soldier dying in war—the sexist society that maintains male privilege also does great harm to boys and men.

In the end, however, it is men and not women who make the most money; men and not women who dominate the government and the corporate boards; men and not women who dominate virtually all of the most powerful positions of society. And it is women and not men who suffer the most from intimate violence and rape; who are the most likely to be poor; who are, on the whole, given the short end of patriarchy’s stick.

Several critics have also argued that the list somehow victimizes women. I disagree; pointing out problems is not the same as perpetuating them. It is not a “victimizing” position to acknowledge that injustice exists; on the contrary, without that acknowledgment it isn’t possible to fight injustice.

An Internet acquaintance of mine once wrote, “The first big privilege which whites, males, people in upper economic classes, the able bodied, the straight (I think one or two of those will cover most of us) can work to alleviate is the privilege to be oblivious to privilege.” This checklist is, I hope, a step toward helping men to give up the “first big privilege.”

VM

The Male Privilege Checklist 1. My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.

2. I can be confident that my coworkers won’t think I got my job because of my sex—even though that might be true.

3. If I am never promoted, it’s not because of my sex.

4. If I fail in my job or career, I can feel sure this won’t be seen as a black mark against my entire sex’s capabilities.

5. I am far less likely to face sexual harassment at work than my female coworkers are.

6. If I’m a teen or adult, and if I can stay out of prison, my odds of being raped are relatively low.

7. On average, I am taught to fear walking alone after dark in average public spaces much less than my female counterparts are.

8. If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be called into question.

9. If I have children but do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be called into question.

10. If I have children and provide primary care for them, I’ll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I’m even marginally competent.

11. If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.

12. My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious and powerful the elected position, the more this is true.

15. As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, nonstereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.

16. As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often.

17. Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.”

18. I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability or my gender conformity.

19. The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time.

20. If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car.

21. I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.

22. I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)

23. I can be confident that the ordinary language of dayto-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.

24. My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.

25. I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.

14. As a child, chances are I was encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters.

26. The decision to hire me will never be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon. [continued to page 14]

Summer 2008 •

13. When I ask to see “the person in charge,” odds are I will face a person of my own sex. The higher up in the organization the person is, the surer I can be.

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The Male Privilege Checklist [continued from page 13]

27. Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.

28. Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.

29. If I have children with a wife or girlfriend, chances are she’ll do most of the childrearing, and in particular the most dirty, repetitive, and unrewarding parts of childrearing.

30. If I have children with a wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.

• Voice Male

31. Magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media is filled with

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images of scantily clad women intended to appeal to me sexually. Such images of men exist, but are rarer.

32. In general, I am under much less pressure to be thin than my female counterparts are. (If I am fat, I probably suffer fewer social and economic consequences for being fat than fat women do.)

33. I have the privilege of being unaware of my male privilege.

Compiled by Barry Deutsch, aka “Ampersand,” who extends permission to reproduce the list in any way, for any purpose, “so long as the acknowledgment of Peggy McIntosh’s work is not removed.” Those using the list are encouraged to describe how they used it by contacting him at barry-at-amptoons-dot-com.

The Male Privilege Checklist is a continually updated document; the most current version can always be found at amptoons.com/blog/the-male-privilegechecklist/.

Prostitution and Male Power

In the American Media, It’s All About the John

Lahri Bond

By Gail Dines

P

tions, his political blunders, and now the “tragedy” of his disgrace. The women he paid for sex were treated as hardly worth a mention. The dangers and violence of prostitution were ignored. Even if the women used by Spitzer were well paid, they never had a shot at state attorney general or governor. We never hear about the tragedy for most women who enter prostitution because of poverty, childhood sexual abuse, a drug habit, or a pimp-boyfriend, and live in fear that their next john could turn out to be another Steve Wright.

Even if the john is not an actual murderer, there is a high risk of violence and rape. In a study of 130 prostitutes, Melissa Farley and Howard Barkan found that 82 percent had been physically assaulted; 83 percent had been threatened with a weapon; and 68 percent had been raped while working as prostitutes.

As a way to avoid the reality of prostitution, the American media keep talking about a “high-priced” prostitution ring, as if the up-market end of the industry has nothing to do with the more “low-class”

Gail Dines, a sociology professor at Wheelock College in Boston, is coproducer of a PowerPoint slide show on pornography that is available by writing stoppornculture@gmail.com.

Summer 2008 •

rostitution is hot news on both sides of the Atlantic. In the United States, Eliot Spitzer was treated by the media as a fallen hero, a tragic figure brought down by recklessness. Some even acted like a bunch of frat boys, snickering at a pal who got caught with his pants down.

The British press, on the other hand, was more serious and sedate; and focused on the women. It took five dead women to get the British media to recognize that prostitution is not all fun and games for those who sell sex for money. Serial killer Steve Wright was convicted in February for murdering five women working as prostitutes in Ipswich, England, and his trial revealed just how deadly prostitution can be. The prosecution said Wright “systematically selected and murdered” all five women over a six-and-a-half-week period, and the press reported that he left two of the bodies in a cruciform position with arms outstretched.

In the American coverage of Spitzer, it was all about the “john”: Spitzer’s meteoric rise to fame and power, his national political ambi-

street prostitution. The media images thrown at us depict these high-end “escorts” as hot, young, attractive model-lookalikes who stash their big bucks away and end up living a life of luxury. Who, after all, can forget Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, looking glamorous as she was being carried away into the sunset by her handsome john, in the form of Richard Gere?

For many of these women, life may not be as dangerous on a daily level, but their bodies are still commodities to be bought and sold by men who see them as disposable sex objects to be used for male entertainment.

Prostitution is at its very core an absolute expression of male power and women’s lack of choices, and no amount of up-market chic can change that. But in place of an analysis that situates prostitution within the context of sexual and economic inequality, the media give us (mostly male) talking heads. For these pundits, Spitzer was caught making a mistake and now has had to pay for it. We all know that “power corrupts,” but there has been no discussion of the particular way in which men with political power abuse their position in a sexual way.

Neither has there been any discussion of what it means for a political leader, who holds very real power over our lives, to treat women as “pussy” to be bought, shipped, and traded like cattle. Women pay the price for men like Spitzer, and it’s no surprise that women everywhere make up the majority of the poor, the hungry, and the overworked. As long as men with a john mentality get elected to office, there is no change in sight.

VM

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Voices of Youth • Voice Male 16

Sculpting Young Black Men in America

By James Brown

W

hen I was selected to deliver a speech about all that we are, that even as concerned for Black History Month about the black men we find it hard to recognize our positive aspects of being a young positive attributes. black man in America, at first I was thrilled. The Popular television channels such as BET and first person I called was my mother: “Mommy, MTV display music videos of young black men guess what!” that portray us predominantly as “gangstas,” After the initial excitement subsided and I thugs, pimps, and hustlers. This image is but was faced with coming up with something to a small fraction of everyday young black men, say, however, I found myself but the idea that all young struggling. You see, it’s often black men are troublemakers easy to talk about positive is widely promoted and Young black men are full black men such as El Hajj encourages and perpetuates of infinite possibilities; Malik El Shabazz, also negative stereotypes. when refined we can known as Malcolm X, as So the question for the well as Frederick Douglass, youth remained, “What turn into precious Thurgood Marshall, Martin aspects of yourself do diamonds, or coal with Luther King Jr., and a host you consider positive?” the potential to ignite of others.

Eventually the young the world.

But what I wanted was brothers in the group started an orchestra of voices of to answer. One said, “Doing the unsung heroes that live me,” another young brother among us daily, and whose songs go unheard. A said, “Well, I work at Foot Locker,” and the part of my job at the Whittier Street Health Center last young brother still didn’t know what to say. in Boston is to go out and conduct workshops for I asked him, “You go to school here, right?” schools, community centers, or wherever there “Yeah,” he responded. are young people to educate.

I began to explain that “Doing me” displays So at one of my workshops, instead of leading leadership qualities because you do not let others the typical session on STDs, I asked the young define you. Going to school because you see a men in the group, “What are some of the positive better tomorrow for yourself today. Having a aspects of being a black male in America?” Like job because you have a sense of responsibility. me, they were unsure how to answer. They began These are positive aspects of being a young to slouch in their chairs, scratch their heads and black male in America. scan the room as though the answer were hidden Let me take you on a quick trip to several somewhere in the classroom. local places. Imagine for a minute you are I rephrased the question: “What aspects of enjoying a leisurely stroll through Franklin yourself do you consider positive?” Yet still they Park in Boston. In the park, along a trail, struggled with this question. I began to realize you notice some huge logs and boulders lying that black males are so saturated with negative there, but they don’t mean much to you. Now, media, surroundings, and problematic ideas imagine you are on Blue Hill Ave. in Roxbury.

John Balathunis

Voices of Youth

You notice some young brothers on the street We see examples of this everywhere. Out on and pass them by. Matter of fact, you try to the campaign trail, trying to become our next avoid them. president, Barack Obama was once a young Finally, you are at an art gallery opening on black man. Here in Massachusetts, our own first Newbury Street. As you look around you see African-American governor, Deval Patrick, was beautiful paintings and breath-taking sculptures. once a young black man. Many of my professional You’re very drawn colleagues at Whittier to them, especially Street Health Center, the sculptures. They who work daily to are ravishing in their prevent and heal elaborate designs community illness and uniqueness. and violence, were Knowing that you once young black can have a timeless men. piece of art, you When I speak to search for the artist young black men to purchase one of now, I offer them these masterpieces. this challenge: “As You talk to the we leave here today, sculptor to find going back to our out where he got communities, our the inspiration and jobs, and our lives, materials from.

I challenge each of The sculptor tells you to become that you that he got the sculptor for the raw idea for his work material in your own from Franklin Park, community.” down the same path you’ve just walked.

James Brown was Those very logs and born and raised in the boulders that seemed Mission Hill section like nothing more of Roxbury, Mass. than dead trees and He works full-time a few big rocks in as the male youth a park, with vision, program coordinator definition, and at the Whittier Street Black males are saturated with negative media and purpose were turned Health Center in problematic ideas about all that we are. into works of art.

Boston, where he But what about those young brothers on Blue supervises seven peer leaders and conducts Hill Ave.? The true positive aspects of those workshops in schools and community centers, young black men are like those logs and boulders: mentoring urban youth in academics, politics, untapped raw material, still unrefined. Young relationships, and an array of other areas. He black men are full of infinite possibilities; when attends Northeastern University part-time, and refined we can turn into precious diamonds, or is on track to receive a bachelor’s of science coal with the potential to ignite the world. degree in leadership in 2009.

VM

Summer 2008 • 17

Pissing Under Pressure

by Mark D. Hart

Lahri Bond

How do you compare?

You seize at the root.

You stare and you stare, flag unfurled, ‘til you leave the stand, case closed, condemned to sit in a stall— girled.

• Voice Male

A friend told me once, laughing of course, of the terror of Fenway Park—a long, tin trough in the men’s room, now extinct, whose thunder would measure the force of a man’s instinct.

There on the brink of this gaping oracle he’d stand, self in hand,

awaiting its chorus, long in his place with a line behind in an audible silence, soaked in disgrace.

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In that moment of pressure the mind strips you bare, unconscious exposed to a jury of strangers, eyes to the wall, standing it seems for men everywhere.

For boisterous boys outdoors unzip drawers in plain view with a feral joy, burn names in snow, force this icy foe to retreat in the face of their youthful heat and run away yellow.

And musketeers after too many beers cram shoulder to shoulder in a barroom stall for a bet, draw swords All for one and one for all! to strike in sync at the common pot.

In their jostle and jeers, camaraderie rules, each showing his membership card to this club of fools.

So men, we’re told, are supposed to be, to spill into life in this jocular way, be bold, aim at the bowl of some corporate goal, make the gold stream flow, write their names in snow.

But for some, it’s not easy to come ungripped. It’s not for me— I was there, you see, unzipped in the john, and my sword didn’t flash. Instead, tight-lipped, I was gored in a good-natured crossfire, a loser of bets, but sore from a wound that had come long before: An unathletic boy, quick to tears, girled on the schoolyard, teased for a temper I could not contain, I heard one day as a teen said in disdain of another,

Can’t piss under pressure, and the phrase grew below in the very place

where a father’s red face at his awkward son and the bruises and welts of words can be found ‘til a new fear blossomed on shame’s fertile ground.

Now this one, shy muscle, this oracle of flesh, not of tin, will speak its silence in the unspoken discourse of men with a rattling flood of unruly rhyme.

Are you listening, you men, who stand at the wall?

Can you read what is written in angry scrawl?

I’m making it plain:

Piss on you all who feel so entitled to make others feel small!

I’m shocked that you’re shocked when men (and women) in arms act in roles they’ve rehearsed and reversed since age three:

On a hard prison floor, unkindness’s stage, prisoners strip themselves bare to the officers’ glee, who, convinced of their liberty, write names on each page with an ink you can’t see.

(Then use photography!) Down under where men at birth are sewn tight these surgeons open a slit in the seam, slip the bastard seed of their cruelty between.

Rammed from behind, up through their pride, a cartridge of rage explodes in each mind, lips forming a silent vow—not knowing how— to blow the dread-cage of this heart apart, make the floor like a face flush with red.

If you come really close, if you undo the clothes of this life, put your palm to its very skin, there’s just this quivering pulse, this breath. Once you burrow in, once you’ve lived close and dear with that, then fear is just fear, and what held you back from filling this life as you thought your right delivers you more and more into its tender, trembling core.

I once watched a small boy enjoying his nakedness under the sun flex the bow of his brown torso and legs and let his arrow fly, and he had this broad, silly grin on him I found in me as well, the grin of a young god.

Mark D. Hart is a psychotherapist in private practice in Amherst, Mass., a meditation teacher, and an adjunct religious advisor at Amherst College. This poem first appeared on the WinningWriters website and received honorable mention in their 2007 War Poetry Contest.

Summer 2008 •

How does a man know his true worth?

By length or by girth? Who’s on top, who’s the best, who’s first? Who can humiliate whom the worst?

Raw mornings I wake with a chest of ground meat, the sinews of meaning

just don’t connect.

I’m not alone in this plight,

I suspect.

Those mornings I walk to the end of the pasture, I stop where birches speak truth—white, silent, and tall— and there I beat the deep drum of this earth.

With nothing to measure but knowing the sum, I give it my flavor. And the light’s soft gleam appears as a weave in a reborn umbilical stream.

Then my dog marks my scent with hers and assures herself to her olfactory kind, He’s mine.

Under the unjudging gaze of the sky at least there’s solace, and in these woods and the company of this simple beast with her jealous love.

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C olor L ines

Barack: Lace ’em Up and Dunk!

By Chris Rabb

• Voice Male

I

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class guys like, it’s ballers.

In fact, if you looked on the walls of 10,000 r a n d o m rec rooms of White workingclass homes in exurbia and rural America, I bet you’d find nearly as many Black sports heroes as you would see White swimsuit models.

More important, you’d find more Black ballers posterizing White boys than White boys holding black bowling balls.

I get it: working-class White guys bowl. Guess what? Obama’s no working-class White guy.

He can spend the rest of his campaign through the Democratic convention working on his form. But no matter how much he improves his bowling game, it will still be… bowling.

And say what you like about what White working-class folk are into.

The simple fact remains that White guys do not live vicariously through professional bowlers—be they White or Black (assuming there were/are Black professional bowlers).

Quiet as it’s kept, millions of White guys dream of being Black basketball players. And whatever draw bowlShow me what you got: Obama plays defense.

am not a high-priced, nationally recognized Democratic political guru like Mark Penn, James Carville, or David Axelrod. I am a mere mortal not blessed with modest intelligence wrapped in the seductive candy-coating of White male privilege.

I do, however, know this: Barack Obama needs to dunk on camera . . . often!

No, I don’t mean dunking donuts in a good cup of joe at the corner diner in Smalltown, USA, just before it’s time for the hardscrabble bluecollar folk to clock in at the local factory whose votes Obama covets.

I mean: Take that rock to the hole, Black man!

Assuredly, his various advisers don’t want to draw too much attention to his being Black and all— particularly since the Pastor Wright debacle. But if there’s one kind of Black guy almost all White working-

ing may have for that demographic, it will never surpass the beauty and catharsis of basketball. And it is this game that will indelibly mark Obama’s viability and unique vitality in this race for president.

Simply put, Obama’s got game and needs to show it. Racial stereotypes be damned!

I remember that scene on the tarmac back in the spring of 2004 when John Kerry and John Edwards tossed around the pigskin between campaign stops. It was Camelot 2.0.

It was a thing of beauty, perhaps shallow beauty. But I knew that for many Americans—men in particular, I think—it was a reassuring thing to see otherwise rich Beltway politicos do what so many guys are programmed from prepubescence to learn: how to throw a good spiral.

I’m not saying this highly gendered programming is right. I’m stating that it is what it is. And if Obama’s true to himself, he’d be gripping a basketball—not clumsily flinging a bowling ball.

Yes, basketball is a highly racialized sport. Yes, seeing Obama dunk on some unsuspecting Secret Service agent may make some subset of the White male electorate a bit selfconscious. But for the majority of American voting-age men, seeing Obama handle his business on the court will not in the least bit alienate him from his faux image as the first (Black) postracial presidential candidate. In fact, it will racialize him in a way that insulates him the most from the vicissitudes of modern American racism. It will make Obama that Black guy who’s the best positioned for White America to love: the charismatic, nonthreatening Black athlete (who just happens to be smart).

R esources Men’s Resources (Resources for Gay, Bisexual & Questioning Men, see page 24) International Society for Men’s Health and Gender P.O. Box 144, A-1097, Vienna, Austria/ EUROPE Phone: +43 1 4096010, Fax: +43 1 4096011 www.ismh.org or office@ismh.org Montreal Men Against Sexism c/o Martin Dufresne 913 de Bienville Montreal, Quebec H2J 1V2 CANADA 514-563-4428, 526-6576, 282-3966 Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) (800) 749-6879 Referrals available for 12-step groups throughout New England.

Fathers Fathers with Divorce and Custody Concerns Looking for a lawyer? Call your state bar association lawyer referral agency. In Mass. the number is (800) 392-6164. Here are some websites that may be of use to you: www.dadsrights.org (not www.dadsrights.com)

Collaborative Divorce www.collaborativealternatives.com www.collaborativedivorce.com

VM

Chris Rabb is a new media consultant, writer, public speaker, social commentator and netroots activist.

Originally from Chicago, Chris lives in northwest Philadelphia with his wife and two boys. This article first appeared on his website, Afro-netizen.com.

Obama as a high school basketball player in Hawaii.

www.collaborativepractice.com www.nocourtdivorce.com

Men’s Resource Center for Change www.mrcforchange.org

Dads and Daughters www.dadsanddaughters.org

Men’s Resources International www.mensresourcesinternational.org

The Fathers Resource Center www.slowlane.com

Men Stopping Violence http://www.menstoppingviolence.org/index.php

National Fatherhood Initiative www.cyfc.umn.edu/Fathernet

Mentors in Violence Prevention http://www.sportinsociety.org/mvp

Internet Resources

National Men’s Resource Center www.menstuff.org

Brother Peace http://www.eurowrc.org/01.eurowrc/04.eurowrc_ en/36.en_ewrc.htm

National Organization for Men Against Sexism www.nomas.org; Boston chapter www.nomasboston.org

EuroPRO-Fem: European Menprofemist Network www.europrofem.org or city.shelter@skynet.be or traboules@traboules.org

National Association of Men and Women Committed to Ending Violence Against Women www.acalltomen.org

Men Against Violence http://www.unesco.org/cpp/uk/projects/wcpmenaga. htm

100 Black Men, Inc. www.100blackmen.org

Men Can Stop Rape www.mencanstoprape.org Men for HAWC http://www.danverspolice.com/domviol9.htm The Men’s Bibliography A comprehensive bibliography of writing on men, masculinities, gender, and sexualities, listing over 14,000 works. It’s free at: http://mensbiblio.xyonline.net/ Men’s Health Network http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/ Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe, Inc. www.mijd.org

White Ribbon Campaign www.whiteribbon.com; www.theribbonlady.com XY Magazine www.xyonline.net Pro-feminist men’s web links (over 500 links) www. xyonline.net/links.shtml Pro-feminist men’s politics, frequently asked questions www.xyonline.net/misc/pffaq.html Pro-feminist e-mail list (1997– ) www.xyonline.net/ misc/profem.html Homophobia and masculinities among young men www.xyonline.net/misc/homophobia.html

Magazines Achilles Heel (from Great Britain) www.achillesheel.freeuk.com

Summer 2008 •

www.directlex.com/main/law/divorce/ www.divorce.com www.divorcecentral.com www.divorcehq.com www.divorcenet.com www.divorce-resource-center.com www.divorcesupport.com

Why? Because Obama’s athleticism on the court will be a slam dunk for him at the polls. It ain’t rocket science. But that doesn’t make it any less true.

So, Barack: Lace up and “do you,” bruh!

C olor L ines

Forget Obama the constitutional law professor. Forget Obama the civil rights attorney or community organizer. Forget the Ivy-educated Halfrican whose longtime pastor too many White folks believe hates America.

Just let him clutch that rock, and all else will fade away when he drains it from the top of the key.

Note to campaign strategist Axelrod: Let Obama shoot every chance he gets—and in front of as many cameras as can fit into whatever high school gymnasium he visits in every state he enters. Hell, Puerto Rico, for that matter.

Leave the bowling to Billary and McCain.

21

New Warriors And Social Change

ManKind’s Evolution

By Boysen Hodgson NewEnglandManKindProjectcenter director Boysen Hodgson

• Voice Male

I

22

t’s no secret that many profeminist men are suspicious of the ManKind Project (MKP). MKP’s roots in the mythopoetic men’s movement, identified with writers such as Robert Bly and Joseph Campbell, has caused concern for many men and women who fear that an archetypal approach to men’s growth is inherently conservative, dangerous, or threatening to women’s rights and to fostering healthy change for men. As a pro-feminist man who has been involved with MKP for four years, I see clearly how the work of social justice and the work of MKP can be strongly aligned to promote positive change.

In California a few months ago, I brought a “Proposal for

an Institutional Stand on Men’s Abusiveness” to a body of more than 60 men from all over the world, the legal “board of directors” for MKP. I had been told by several men that this proposal would not pass. I was afraid of the reception I would receive and sad when I got respectful but disapproving emails and phone calls from some men in the months leading up to the meeting. The support that I got from other men—including the strong encouragement of one of the founders of MKP—helped assuage my fear and anger, and the overwhelming support that I got from the MKP community in New England helped me move forward. The proposal passed by a majority vote, with final language to be refined over the following months.

The vote represented a major shift in consciousness, a sea change in the organization. The ManKind Project has, for nearly 25 years, avoided taking stands on issues, and has identified itself as a nonpartisan organization, similar to AA or the Red Cross.

But today, a majority within the governing body believe that as a men’s organization, we have a responsibility to assert that every man, woman, and child has the right to live free from abuse. The vote broke a long silence. Taking a stand against men’s abusive behavior is congruent with the core values that we hold as an institution. It is the right thing to do. When the proposal was approved in an earlier round of voting, with the smaller of the two governing boards, I collapsed in tears, releasing the deep fear that I had carried for months.

About 10 men came and stood around my chair, silently holding space for me. Two men from New England stood behind me, hands on my shoulders as I cried. The second vote was more painful, with more debate and anger and fear expressed by some men, but I stayed grounded in the support I had received.

The men in MKP represent a diversity of political views, religious and social affiliations, class identities, and more than ever before, differences in race and sexual preference. We didn’t start out as a social justice organization, and we still aren’t—but the demographics, associations, and alignments in the traditionally “conservative” mythopoetic movement are shifting, rapidly in many areas. The men who are

privilege seem far removed from the sensate realities of being male in our culture, where we often feel powerless and alone.

The ManKind Project supports men. We want men to have

As a pro-feminist man involved with the ManKind Project for four years, I see clearly how the work of social justice and the work of MKP can be strongly aligned. personal experiences of power in their lives. By digging into unhealthy and destructive male archetypes (the immature warrior, the high-chair tyrant, the tyrant king, the predator), we help men become aware of other modes of power, power with rather than power over. The power of love rather than the power of domination. When nurtured, supported and challenged, a man who sticks with it—who does his personal work—can become a strong ally to anyone, male or female. I see men’s lives change as they learn to get honest about what they are feeling, good and bad, and come to realize that what they really want, and are often terrified of, is connection and intimacy. This is how it was for me. MKP has helped me to work through my shame, so that I can have an honest, deep, emotionally connected relationship with my wife.

Biological essentialism may be dated and is likely wrong, but the cultural patterns that create

wildly harmful expectations for boys and girls cannot be underestimated. In MKP, we work with archetypes to provide maps for understanding the self.

They are not gods or deities, they’re metaphors, and as such are malleable, adaptive, and contextual, and they help many men break free from harmful or abusive psychological patterns.

To confront the problems that face society today, we need some seriously strong men and women. The violent and destructive masculine will not be willed out of existence or held in check by loving affirmations alone. I think, as men, we have to face our own destructive capacities, and I’m going to start by looking at the man in the mirror (allusion intended). With deep selfawareness, highly effective skills for resolving internal and external conflicts, and a commitment to a powerful vision of unity, today’s New Warrior can be a force for incredibly VM positive change.

Boysen Hodgson is the male-positive, pro-feminist center director for the New England ManKind Project, as well as a husband, graphic designer, and marketing specialist. He lives and works in Springfield, Mass. The ManKind Project© is an international nonprofit organization that runs a number of advanced leadership and self-development trainings for men. Its flagship training is called The New Warrior Training Adventure©, an intense initiation weekend. www.mkpne.org.

Summer 2008 •

involved with MKP are largely not the audience that Voice Male attracts, but the energy supporting this proposal clearly indicated that men in MKP are becoming more aware of our impact—and associating our work with other shifts in male consciousness.

For me, MKP represents a new hope for pro-feminist men.

I sit with men in circles who strive to be the men they long to be in their relationships with their wives, partners, and children: responsible, connected, vulnerable, strong, and kind.

While personal and interpersonal development continues to be the core of what MKP does, many men within the organization are raising consciousness about the cultural and institutional frameworks that surround us; happily, the institution is responding. There are male-positive pro-feminists, social justice activists of all kinds, deep ecologists, therapists, spiritual seekers, and change agents at work throughout MKP’s growing global network, now on five continents.

Some of the principles and concepts that pro-feminists take for granted are brand new to many men coming to MKP. Complex understandings of the overlaps of the “isms,” hierarchies, maps of power and privilege are often unknown to the “regular guys” who come to our initiation weekends and join our circles.

These ideas are at first often treated with suspicion—as they are in the mainstream media— because the complex theoretical understandings of patriarchy, liberal capitalism, and/or

23

GBQ R esources

For more info or to submit new entries for GBQ Resources contact us at (413) 253-9887 Ext. 33 or gbq@mrcforchange.org

AIDS CARE/Hampshire County Contact: (413) 586-8288. Buddy Program, transportation, support groups and much more free of charge to people living with HIV. AIDS Project of Southern Vermont Contact: (802) 254-8263. Free, confidential HIV/AIDS services, including support, prevention counseling and volunteer opportunities. T.H.E. Men’s Program (Total HIV Education) Contact: Alex Potter (802) 254-8263, Brattleboro, VT. Weekly/monthly social gatherings, workshops, and volunteer opportunities. Email: men@sover.net Bereavement Group for Those Who Have Lost Same-Sex Partners For individuals who have lost a same-sex partner. 2nd Thursday of each month from 7-9 pm at the Forastiere Funeral Home, 220 N. Main St, E. Longmeadow, MA 01028; year-round, walk-in group with no fee or pre-registration; bereavement newsletter also available. For more information, call (413) 525-2800.

East Coast Female-to-Male Group Contact: Bet Powers (413) 584-7616, P.O. Box 60585 Florence, Northampton, MA 01062, betpower@yahoo.com. Peer support group open to all masculine-identified, female-born persons – FTMs, transmen of all sexual orientations/identities, crossdressers, stone butches, transgendered, transsexuals, non-op, pre-op, post-op, genderqueer, bi-gendered, questioning – and our significant others, family, and allies.Meetings 2nd Sundays in Northampton, 3-6 p.m.

Free Boyz Northampton Social/support meetings for people labeled female at birth who feel that’s not an accurate description of who they are. Meet 1st and 3rd Mondays, 7 p.m. at Third Wave Feminist Booksellers, 90 King St., Northampton.

Gay, Bisexual & Questioning Men’s Support Group Drop-in, peer-facilitated. Monday, 7-9 p.m.

Men’s Resource Center, 236 No. Pleasant St., Amherst, MA. For information: Allan Arnaboldi, (413) 253-9887, ext. 33.

• Voice Male

Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project Provides community education and direct services to gay, bisexual, and transgendered male victims and survivors of domestic violence.

Business: (617) 354-6056. 24-hour crisis line provides emotional support, safety planning, crisis counseling, referrals, and emergency housing: (800) 832-1901. www.gmdvp.org or email: support@gmdvp.org

24

Gayellow Pages US/Canada Annual print directory of resources (business and organizational) for the GLBTQI in USA and Canada, sold in gay-friendly bookstores since 1973. Published by Renaissance House, PO Box 533, Village Station, New York, NY 10014-

0533. Voice & fax (646) 213-0263; e-mail gypages@gmail.com; www.gayellowpages.com Generation Q (formerly Pride Zone) A Program for GBQ youth. Open Thursdays, 4-9, for drop-in and a support group. Open Fridays, 4-9, for drop-in and pizza. Contact info: 413-582-7861 Email: apangborn@communityaction.us GLAD (Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders) Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders is New England’s leading legal rights organization dedicated to ending discrimination based on sexual orientation, HIV status and gender identity and expression.

Contact: 30 Winter St., Suite 800, Boston, MA 02108. Tel: (617) 426-1350, Fax: (617) 4263594, gladlaw@glad.org, www.glad.org. Legal Information Hotline: (800) 455-GLAD (4523).

Completely confidential, trained volunteers work one-on-one with callers to provide legal information, support and referrals within New England.Weekday afternoons, 1:30-4:30; English and Spanish.

GLASS (Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Society) GLBT Youth Group of Franklin County Meets every Wednesday evening in Greenfield.

Info: (413) 774-7028.

HIV Testing Hotline AIDS Action Committee in Boston provides referral to anonymous, free or low-cost HIV testing/ counseling sites: (413) 235-2331. For Hepatitis C information and referral: (888) 443-4372. Both lines are staffed M-F 9am-9pm and often have bi- and tri-lingual staff available.

LifeCourse Counseling Center Community-based agency serving the Connecticut River Valley area, has lesbian and gay clinicians who provide education and consultation to professionals and social service agencies, and psychotherapy to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people. Phone: (413) 585-1655. Email: info@lifecourse.net.

Web: www.lifecourse.net.

Men’s Health Project Education, prevention services, and counseling for men’s health issues, especially HIV/AIDS. Springfield, Northampton, Greenfield. Tapestry Health Services. Contact: Bob (413) 747-5144. www.tapestryhealth.org or email rainbowmsm@aol.com Monadnock Gay Men A website that provides a social support system for gay men of Keene and the entire Monadnock Region of Southwestern NH. www.monadnockgaymen.com or email monadgay@aol.com PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) of Springfield/Greater Springfield Educational information and support for the parents, families, and friends of Gays, Lesbians,

Bisexuals, and Transgendered People. Contact info: MssEnn@aol.com, Judy Nardacci, 413243-2382 or Elizabeth Simon, 413-732-3240 Rainbow Resources of New Hampshire Free online access to networking, educational and referral information to and about the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and allied community of New Hampshire; Gay Lifeline, a PDF file of our entire database of community information; order a spiral-bound hard copy of the current Gay Lifeline Directory by sending $10 to Rainbow Resources, 26 S. Main Street, Box 181, Concord, NH 03301.

Safe Homes: The Bridge of Central Massachusetts Providing support and services to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender youth via a weekly Drop-In Center, community outreach system and peer leadership program. Based in Worcester, serving all towns in region. 4 Mann Street Worcester, Massachusetts 01602 Phone: 508.755.0333 Fax: 508.755.2191 Web: www.thebridgecm.org/programs.htm Email: info@thebridgecm.org SafeSpace SafeSpace provides information, support, referrals, and advocacy to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQQ) survivors of violence and offers education and outreach programs in the wider community. P.O. Box 158, Burlington, VT 05402. Phone: 1-802863-0003; toll-free 1-866-869-7341.

Fax: 1-802-863-0004. www.safespacevt.org or email: safespace@ru12.org The Stonewall Center University of Mass., Amherst. A lesbian, bisexual, gay, and transgender educational resource center. Contact: (413) 545-4824, www.umass.edu/stonewall.

Straight Spouse Network Monthly support group and one-to-one support for spouses, past and present, of lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered partners in western MA and CT. Contact Jane Harris for support and location, (413) 625-6636; janenrosie48@yahoo.com.

The Sunshine Club Support and educational activities for transgendered persons. Info: (413) 586-5004. P.O. Box 564, Hadley, MA 01305. www.thesunshineclub.org or email: rsteel@att.net VT M4M.net Dedicated to promoting the overall good health of Vermont’s gay and bisexual men, as well as those who are transgender, by providing information, resources, and a calendar of events for gay, bisexual, questioning, and transgendered men. www.vtm4m.net

A Glimpse into the Future

The Transformation of Eliot Spitzer

By Rob Okun

A kinder and gentler Spitzer?

A

LBANY, N.Y. — At a Mother’s Day press conference in the rotunda of the state capitol, with his wife Silda Wall Spitzer by his side, the humbled fiery anticrime crusader and ex-governor Eliot Spitzer addressed a throng of reporters, legislators, and well-wishers, while a band of protesters stood by. Standing at a podium, Mr. Spitzer gave an update of his activities since his resignation as governor of New York on March 16, 2008.

“A year ago I stood before you and offered an apology for my actions, first to my family, and then to the public which had given me its trust. I announced at the time that after a period of atonement I would devote myself to ‘the common good.’

‘From those to whom much is given, much is expected,’ I said then. ‘I have been given much: the love of my family, the faith and trust of the people of New York, and the chance to lead this state. I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me. Over the course of my public life, I have insisted—I believe correctly—that people regardless of their position or power take responsibility for

their conduct. I can and will ask no less of myself.’ When I ended my remarks that day, I pledged to return to public service outside the political realm.

“In the past year, I have done much soul searching trying to understand what was behind my actions.

I have been conducting a rigorous inner investigation. I want to share some of what I’ve learned and announce some of my plans. The New York Times got something right when they described me as ‘a proud man humbled,’ one who had ‘made a final nod to the enduring American belief in the possibility of redemption.’ I remarked then that ‘As human beings our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.’ That’s still true.

“It is in that spirit that I wish to share with you some of the key activities I have been engaged in over the last 14 months: I am engaged in ongoing individual psychotherapy to understand my motivations, my actions, and their consequences; I have attended weekend retreats designed by, staffed by, and attended by other men motivated to look at behavior patterns that have negatively impacted our lives; I have joined, and actively participate in, a weekly men’s support group where each man speaks freely about what is happening in his life; I have been doing family therapy with my wife and daughters to help heal the wounds I inflicted on our family. [continued to page 26]

Summer 2008 •

Temporal imaging: Lahri Bond

What has become of former New York governor Eliot Spitzer? Since his forced resignation following revelations he had been routinely hiring prostitutes, Mr. Spitzer has largely disappeared from the headlines. The media—not so much out of goodwill as out of the insatiable needs of the news cycle—is apparently leaving the Spitzer family alone. That’s a good thing. However, after receiving an unmarked package containing a crystal ball, Voice Male editor Rob Okun offers a glimpse of Spitzer’s life as of Mother’s Day 2009.

25

The Transformation of Eliot Spitzer [continued from page 25]

• Voice Male

“I intend to continue all of these activities into the foreseeable future.

I have also been engaged in a rigorous course of study to educate myself about the raging epidemic of sex trafficking that is plaguing many regions of the world. Early on in my process of atonement with my family, I came to an uncomfortable conclusion: that there is a direct connection between young girls being spirited away from their villages in Asia and forced into prostitution in big cities on that continent and elsewhere, and the prostitutes whose services I sought here in the United States. Whatever rationalization I might have made a year ago to deny that connection, I see as folly and arrogance today.

“Once I made that connection, the choice before me became clear. I must act. Accordingly, I am announcing today that I intend to work to dismantle this demeaning, exploitative system that brutalizes girls and women, destroys families, enriches a powerful crime syndicate, and teaches boys and men that girls and women’s major purpose in life is to provide males with sexual gratification.

“For the sake of my daughters— and yours—and for the daughters of generations to come, I pledge to turn my personal failure into a success for society. I will report on my efforts next year at this time. I invite you to join me in this effort now and in the days ahead. Thank you.”

VM

26

Rob Okun is the editor of Voice Male and executive director of the Men’s Resource Center for Change.

He can be reached at rob. okun@mrcforchange.org.

Looking to Connect?

Tr y t h e M R C ’s D r o p - i n M e n ’s S u p p o r t G r o u p s IN NORTHAMPTON

Open to all men.

Tuesdays, 7-9 PM First Churches, 129 Main St. IN AMHERST

Open to all men.

Sundays, 7-9 PM at the MRC IN GREENFIELD

T hank Y ou !

The Men’s Resource Center for Change, publisher of Voice Male, receives community support from near and far. Voice Male allows us a public forum in which to thank the hundreds of people who have shared our inspiration and commitment, and contributed their time, services, and money toward a vision of personal and social transformation. We are filled with deep gratitude at the generosity of these individuals and businesses:

Open to all men.

Wednesdays, 7-9 PM Network Chiropractic, DHJones Building, Mohawk Trail

Donated Space - Network Chiropractic, Greenfield; First Baptist Church, Greenfield

FOR GAY, BISEXUAL & QUESTIONING MEN

Challenge and Change Awards Dinner Amherst Regional High School Jazz Ensemble; Baystate Health, Aaron Buford, Knowles Florists, Log Cabin Banquet & Meeting House, Rebecca Reid, David Sharken, Silverscape Design, J. Sheldon Snodgrass, Mitch Sorenson

Open to all gay, bisexual, gay-identified F-to-M trans men & men questioning orientation Mondays, 7-9 PM, at the MRC

FOR MEN WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED CHILDHOOD NEGLECT AND/OR ABUSE

Open to all men who have experienced any form of childhood neglect and/or abuse (physical, emotional or sexual) Fridays, 7-9PM, at the MRC

FACILITATED BY TRAINED VOLUNTEERS FREE & CONFIDENTIAL

MEN’S RESOURCE CENTER 236 N. PLEASANT ST., AMHERST

(413) 253-9887, ext. 10

support@mrcforchange.org

In-Kind Donations - Henion Bakery, Amherst;

MRC/Voice Male Volunteers - Narayan Brach, Pam Tinto, Maggie Wong Website Manager - Joe Rufer As always, we extend our gratitude to the MRC Board of Directors for the ongoing guidance and support they give to this organization and all who are a part of it. We are also grateful for all of our staff, who regularly go above and beyond the call of duty, and to our team of volunteer support group facilitators, who every week provide a safe space for men to come and talk about their lives.

ROB OKUN

Counseling for Men and Women, Fathers and Sons Justice of the Peace Officiating at Weddings for Couples in Massachusetts & Beyond

(413) 687-8171

RAOkun@verizon.net

Men’s Resource Center for Change Programs & Services

Administrative Staff Executive Director – Rob Okun Financial Manager – Paula Chadis Executive Assistant – David Gillham Office Manager – Allan Arnaboldi Moving Forward Director – Sara Elinoff-Acker Intake Coordinator/Court Liaison – Steve Trudel Administrative Director – Jan Eidelson Partner Services Outreach Counselor – Barbara Russell Anger Management Coordinator – Joy Kaubin Hampden County Coordinator – Scott Girard Group Leaders – BC Chaney, Sara Elinoff-Acker, Karen Fogliatti, Scott Girard, Steve Jefferson, Joy Kaubin, Dot LaFratta, Susan Omilian, Russ Pirkot, Steve Trudel Support Groups Support Group Facilitators – Allan Arnaboldi, Bill Bassham, Michael Burke, Jim Devlin, Carl Erikson, Tim Gordon, Jerry Levinsky, Gábor Lukács, Bob Mazer, Joe Osterman, Joe Rufer, Tom Schuyt, Frank Shea, Sheldon Snodgrass, Roger Stawasz, Bob Sternberg, Gary Stone Youth Programs Supervisor – Allan Arnaboldi Group Leaders – Aaron Buford, Malcolm Chu, Mohamed Vandi Board of Directors Co-chairs – Russell Bradbury-Carlin, Mark Nickerson Clerk/treasurer - Tom Gardner Members - Peter Jessop, Gail Kielson, Tim Neale, Tom Schuyt Executive Director Emeritus – Steven Botkin

Main Office: 236 North Pleasant St. • Amherst, MA 01002 • 413.253.9887 • Fax: 413.253.4801 Springfield Office: 29 Howard St. • Springfield, MA 01105 • 413.734.3438 E-mail: main.office@mrcforchange.org Website: www.mrcforchange.org

Fathering Programs • A variety of resources are available — Fathers and Family Network programs, lawyer referrals, parenting resources, workshops, presentations and conferences.

Contact: (413) 253-9887 ext.10 Youth Programs • Young Men of Color Leadership Project Amherst • Short Term Groups, Workshops, Presentations and Consultations for Young Men and Youth-Serving Organizations Contact: (413) 253-9887 ext.33 Moving forward Anger Management, domestic violence intervention, youth violence prevention • Anger Management Various times for 15-week groups for men, women and young men at the MRC. For more information, call (413) 253-9887 ext. 23 • Domestic Violence Intervention A state-certified batterer intervention prog ram serves both voluntary and courtmandated men who have been physically violent or verbally/emotionally abusive.

Fee subsidies available.

• Basic Groups Groups for self-referred and court-mandated men (40 weeks) are held in Amherst, Athol, Belchertown, Springfield, North Adams, and Greenfield.

• Follow-up Groups for men who have completed the basic program and want to continue working on these issues. Call (413) 253-9588 ext 12.

•

Partner Services Free phone support, resources, referrals and weekly support groups are available for partners of men in the MOVE program.

• Prison Groups A weekly MOVE group is held at the Hampshire County Jail and House of Corrections.

• Community Education and Training Workshops and training on domestic violence and clinical issues in batterer intervention are available.

• Speakers’ Bureau Formerly abusive men who want to share their experiences with others to help prevent family violence are available to speak at schools and human service programs.

• Youth Violence Prevention Services for teenage males who have been abusive with their families, peers, or dating partners.

Contact: (413) 253-9588 ext.18 Workshops & training • Workshops available to colleges, schools, human service organizations, and businesses on topics such as “Sexual Harassment Prevention and Response,” “Strategies and Skills for Educating Men,” “Building Men’s Community,” and “Challenging Homophobia,” among other topics. Specific trainings and consultations also available.

Publications • Voice Male. Published quarterly, the MRC magazine includes articles, essays, reviews and resources, and services related to men and masculinity.

• Children, Lesbians and Men: Men’s Experiences as Known and Anonymous Sperm Donors. A 60-page manual that answers the questionsmenhave,withfirst-personaccounts by men and women “who have been there.”

Contact:(413) 253-9887 ext.16 Resource & Referral Services • Information about events, counselors, groups, local, regional and national activities, and support programs for men.

Contact: (413) 253-9887 ext.10 Speakers and Presentations • Invite new visions of manhood into your university, faith community, community organization. Many topics including: Manhood in a Time of War, Fathering, Male Socialization, Men’s Anger, Creating a Men’s Center, The Journey to Healthy Manhood, and more. contact: (413) 253-9887 Ext. 20

Summer 2008 •

The mission of the Men’s Resource Center for Change is to support men, challenge men’s violence, and develop men’s leadership in ending oppression in our lives, our families, and our communities.

Support Group Programs • Open Men’s Group Sundays 7-9 p.m. at the MRC Amherst office Tuesdays 7-9 p.m. at First Churches, 129 Main St., Northampton.

Wednesdays 7-9 p.m. in Greenfield at Network Chiropractic, 21 MohawkTrail (lower Main St.).

A facilitated drop-in group for men to talk about their lives and to support each other.

• Men Who Have Experienced Childhood Abuse / Neglect specifically for men who have experienced any kind of childhood abuse or neglect. Fridays 7 - 9 p.m. at the MRC. • Gay, Bisexual & Questioning Mondays 7 - 9 p.m. at the MRC. A facilitated drop-in group for gay, bisexual and questioning men to talk about their lives and support each other (not a discussion group).

27

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