Securing Important Information from an Aging Mind

By Cindy K. Sproles

At best, communication can be difficult. When we have an aging parent, their communication is sometimes insufficient. But as good children and caregivers, we must learn to translate and interpret the things our parents can’t seem to verbalize.

As our bodies age, physiological things happen—one change is a slowing of the thought process. Words, even phrases, come slower. A thought might be lost midstream. We’ve all had those moments, so multiply that by a bit for the aging parent. When those minor lapses happen, frustration grows, and the lapse lengthens. Loved ones may become short and curt. It’s simply part of the aging process.

When we add professionals into the mix, communication becomes vital. Learning to locate the needs and quickly pass that information along will provide a less stressful time for your loved ones, but what do we do to best gain and pass information?

Calm your loved one – The frustration of losing a thought will often multiply with the stress of needing details quickly. Take time to calm your loved one. Speak quietly, hold your loved ones’ hands, encourage them to take a deep breath, and wait. It will come. Just wait. As their stress level subsides, the thought or word generally returns. Professionals need the most concise information and are willing to wait unless it is an emergency. Write it down – This is important. Our information needs to be as concise as possible. The adage says, “The faintest pen is better than the sharpest memory.” When you get the necessary data, write it down. When we translate from memory, things tend to change, embellish, or even get lost in the shuffle. Write it down. It’s better to have too much than not enough.

Distract and Influence – Helping our elderly recall can sometimes be testy. The mind will often wander, mislead, or confuse necessary information. Dates and times are challenging to recall. Events and timelines may become confused. In those moments of confusion, take a moment to change the subject. Distract your elder with something else, then slowly ask simple questions. Ask them one at a time. Practice the sandwich method. Distract with something else, ask the question, and influence by guiding the elder back through things that may jog their memory.

Finally, making those details available to professionals is vital. Creating a notebook with easily removed pages is always a good idea. Write important details as your loved one remembers them, then organize and file them in the notebook. Perhaps there are sections on appointments, medications, ailments, or treatments. If families keep a notebook of symptoms, past medical history, etc., then in an emergency when things are chaotic, particulars are easily and quickly accessed when needed.

These are not perfect methods. You may have ideas of your own that help to bring information to the surface. It can be challenging to get essential facts from our seniors, but anything gleaned is a help at a later date. Patience and time will help you gather crucial facts that will be useful in the future.