Holy Hush

written by Deborah Watson

Women World Leaders is pleased to present Holy Hush, written by Deborah J. Watson. Deborah is the Executive Director of Studio222films.com and curator of the Branson International Film Festival. A writer, producer, and director in the film industry, Deborah uses her talent to reach hurting people with a message of hope.

Holy Hush is written as an allegorical narrative based on scripture and Deborah’s Christian worldview. Rebekka, the main character that we are traveling with, is on a journey of making a life decision of living with or without her husband, Aaron. Progressing through this difficult time, Rebekka notices the “little things” circling her life and leading her to a decision. As the story unfolds (Holy Hush began in the January 2021 edition of VOT), we see this thirty-something-year-old city girl steal away into the wilderness to be alone and search the heart of God. Due to unforeseen circumstances, she finds herself cutting short her wilderness experience and walking to the nearest town where she befriends a waitress in a diner, and together, they ponder the meaning of a melody.

PART IV

The waitress returns with Rebekka’s shake and water. “Can I ask a random question?” Rebekka looks sympathetically towards the waitress.

“Sure, darlin’, what can I help you with?” The waitress sits across from Rebekka.

“A melody is a sequence of single notes, right?”

“Right. And if you take your melody, and my melody, same song, different line, mix it together, ya get harmony.”

Rebekka smiles and nods as the waitress stands. “What happens if it’s not the same song?”

“Honey? Most people would call it chaos. In my life? If that happens, it’s more like scream-o, and y’all better stand back. That stuff grates on my last nerve worse than fingernails on a chalkboard.” The waitress nods and walks to her next table, leaving Rebekka to sip on her chocolate shake.

Its cool refreshing taste calms Rebekka from her morning adventure in the woods.

Rebekka reaches down into her rucksack to retrieve her Bible and journal. It is at that moment she remembers leaving her journal by the rock earlier in the day. Her shoulders slump with disappointment, knowing it will take half a day to retrieve it. She closes her eyes and prays, “Why am I becoming so forgetful?”

“Enter into my rest.” A deep thought comes from the darkest pit of her soul.

“No!” Rebekka says loud enough for others to look at her. Embarrassed, she points to her rucksack. “I left my journal in the woods.” Everyone nods understandingly as they go about their business.

Rebekka opens her Bible to Psalm 42 and begins to read.

“Can I help you with anything else?” The waitress breaks Rebekka’s concentration.

“Yes, do you have a highlighter I can borrow?”The waitress reaches into her smock and retrieves a highlighter.

“Thank you.” Rebekka begins to mark Psalm 42:2, “My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.”

She takes a sip of her chocolate shake and smiles before continuing her journey.

Again, she highlights part of verse 3 “my tears have been my food day and night.” A section of verse 4 stands out to her, “When I remember

these things, I pour out my soul within me.” Verse 6 says, “O my God, my soul is cast down within me;” and verse 8 says, “The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me- A prayer to the God of my life.”

Rebekka slams her Bible shut and sets down the highlighter. She feels the anxiety begin to build in her toes. “Read it again. All of it this time.”

“No,” Rebekka argues with herself and wins as she tucks her Bible back into her rucksack.

The anxiety moves up through her calves, into her thighs, beyond her hips, and sucker punches her in the stomach as she feels the chocolate shake begin to churn in her stomach. Rebekka clutches her stomach and rests her head on the table. “Not now. Not here. Please, God. Not again.” Rebekka looks up with obvious angst on her face and realizes she is the only one left in the diner for the waitress to serve.

“Inhale count to 4 and hold, hold, hold, for 7… 3, 2, 1, exhale for 8.” Felicity’s voice echoes in Rebekka’s mind as she exhales, but not enough to calm her panic attack.

Rebekka closes her eyes and does the exercise again. This time she opens them to see her waitress remove her smock and hat and sit across the table from her.

“Felicity?” Rebekka is surprised to see her sitting at her table.

“I think you should go back and read Psalm 42 again. But this time, don’t skip over the parts you don’t like.” Felicity smiles with a warmth of compassion Rebekka desperately needs to feel.

“Not here, though. Go to the restroom and then head to the docks. There’s a sailboat waiting to take you to the other side of the lake.” Felicity smiles and walks away before Rebekka can protest.

To be continued…

WHAT CAN WE LEARN?

As we read through the Psalms, we will notice that they are full of raw emotion. The Bible doesn’t sugar-coat life, and sometimes life hurts. That’s why many people turn to the Psalms for comfort and healing, and Rebekka is no different.

She has found herself in a dark place in life - that space of being caught in the tug-of-war of coping skills. She wants to draw near Psalm 42 for healing, but she doesn’t like what it says and wants to run away.

“The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me- A prayer to the God of my life.”

She doesn’t believe it to be true. If God commands His lovingkindess in the daytime, and in the night His song is with her, why is she where she is?

In this moment of Rebekka’s life, “Scream-o” is the song within her. Not a song of lovingkindness. Oh no. She’s angry, hurt, and feels abandoned and rejected. She would rather drink her chocolate milkshake and bury her emotions under the weight of it.

A prayer to the God of her life? If He is her God, why would he let bad things happen to her? She was living life according to His Word. She prayed, kept the Ten Commandments, and even the one that Jesus added to love one another. So why would He allow her to endure heartache and suffering to the depths that she was experiencing? Why would He let the anxieties of her memories come up within her, in, of all places, this café?

That’s the beautiful thing about our relationship with God. He can handle the scream-o. Those things we bottle up inside of us out of fear of what it will look like if it ever comes to the surface. That’s God’s lovingkindness. He takes our scream-o and turns it into HIS song in the night. When we’re hurting, and it feels like a raging undercurrent will destroy our very being, HIS song dispels the darkness of our night. It’s a promise He has given us. One we can believe. When we open our hearts and minds, read God’s Word without preconceived ideas, and ask God to fill us with HIM, He will soften us, heal us, strengthen us, and guide us.

It’s time to exhale and breathe again.

There’s a boat waiting for you at the docks. One built specifically for you. Once you climb into it, God’s song will be the breath of the wind that propels the sails forward into the harbor. It’s literally one step away from your right-now moment. Exhale your scream-o so He can harmonize with you. It will tune you in to a fulfilled life with Him.