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Coffee Chats
When You’ve Looked the Devil in the Eye
BY TINA KADOLPH
Carl and I had been pastoring for around 13 years and were serving a congregation of about 150 people. We loved serving and caring for those God sent to us and knew we were blessed to be part of this big, happy family. My husband has always been bi-vocational, which means he pastors while working a separate, full-time job. His “other” work is in the construction field. He is certainly gifted in all phases of construction, having done everything from general contracting to home repair and remodeling. Construction is a great career (even Jesus liked it)— and most of the time, Carl can work his construction schedule around his church schedule. He always puts God, his family, and His flock before His job.
One morning as Carl was picking up his tools for that day’s work from a storage unit he rented, he noticed a guy in the unit beside his. He did not think much about it; he just noticed him. Despite having rented that space for a few years, Carl had never seen this man before. After that first encounter, he started seeing him more and more—nearly every time he was there. He eventually struck up a conversation with him, asking him questions and telling him he was a pastor.
In time, the man, let’s call him Brad, opened up and told Carl he lived in the storage unit. Carl felt like there was something off or wrong with Brad— besides the fact that he was living in a storage unit. It was a Holy Spirit kind of discernment.
After finding out Brad was living in the storage unit, Carl felt like these frequent encounters made sense. Carl asked if he needed help. Food? Money? Brad said no, explaining that he had chosen to live where he was. “Less responsibilities,” he told Carl.
They continued these encounters for many weeks. Carl repeatedly asked Brad if he’d like to come to church. Brad always said he respected Carl and liked him, but he was not interested in church.
One day Carl went to drop off tools at the unit, and as it was a hot day, Brad had his door wide open. Carl stood in front of the door to say hello, but Brad did not hear him as he was on his computer and had fans blowing. So, Carl walked closer, and as he did, he saw pornography on Brad’s computer. The women looked young, but it was unclear if they were teens or adults. He wanted to find out, but just as he got closer, Brad sensed Carl behind him, turned around, and hit a button that shut down the screen.
Brad did not want Carl to see whatever was on that computer. Carl apologized, explaining he had tried to get his attention, but Brad had not heard him. Brad acted extremely uncomfortable and displayed guilt. They small talked awkwardly for a few minutes before Carl left.
When Carl got home, he told me what had happened, and I was openly upset. I told him he must find out if it was kids on Brad’s computer screen. He agreed and said he would find out somehow. The next day, Carl decided to confront Brad. He told him what he had seen and asked if the pornography he had been looking at was children or adults. Brad promised Carl it was adults, disclosing he had a problem with pornography and, in the past, had issues with children. He said that was the real reason he was living in the storage unit—he had been married and went to jail after molesting his stepdaughter. He told Carl he was now trying to get his life back on track.
Carl boldly told Brad that as he was still watching pornography, he was not going in a good direction to get his life on track. He then advised that his best chance was to find Christ and let Jesus change his heart. “That is the only way,” Carl said, “for true change to happen.” Carl then asked him if he truly wanted to change. Brad replied that he really did want to change and not continue living the life he was living. So Carl shared with Brad how much Jesus loved him and wanted change for him also. He asked him if he wanted to accept Christ as his personal savior. Brad said no, he was not ready. Carl persevered, asking him if he wanted to come to church. Brad said yes!
When Carl came home, sad and excited at the same time, he couldn’t wait to share what had happened. I listened, asked questions, and then said I did not want that man in our church. I was very serious. He was the kind of man my mom had sold me to as a young girl, and I wanted him nowhere near our church, our children, or the kids in our congregation. He said he understood, but he knew God wanted Brad in church so he could find healing and restoration. But I honestly did not feel that way; I was angry and fearful.
So, Carl and I prayed and talked and prayed some more. He promised me that Brad would never be alone in the church; our leaders would be informed and keep an eye on him. That still did not give me comfort. But finally, I said that he could come to our church.
I tried to be the kind of person Jesus would want me to be. I showed kindness but kept my guard up, constantly watching him. I felt it was my job to make sure he did not do anything wrong. I had to protect my family and my church. And that’s exactly what I did for weeks as he faithfully continued to attend. He was always respectful and never put himself in a position for anyone to question if he was doing the right thing. But I still did not trust him.
One normal Sunday, our church was full Brad sat in the front row like he always did. It was crazy; he always sat in the front row across the aisle from me, which was perfect because I could keep a good eye on him. But on this Sunday, which felt so normal, things started to change as we began to worship. I began to feel the Holy Spirit so strongly in the room. As I was worshiping, tears rolled down my face. That definitely had happened before, but something felt different. I started to shake and feel very hot. I thought, What the heck is happening to me?
I glanced at Brad. He had his eyes closed and his head bent down, and I could see tears running down his face. He did not see me look at him, but as I did, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me to go tell him how much He loved him. I said, No Lord, I cannot do that.
God is so patient with me—I’m always arguing with Him. But the feeling was overwhelming. I again felt Him say, Go tell him I love him.
NO, Lord, I cannot. Please send Carl or someone else. Please, not me. Lord, you know what I have been through with men like him. I just can’t. Please. Not me.
Again, the Lord nudged me and said, YOU are who he needs to hear it from.
I started feeling sick to my stomach, and I actually thought I might throw up. God knows me well. Although I often argue with Him, He always knows I’LL be obedient to what He asks me. So, with tears streaming down my face, I began to walk toward Brad.
I FELT LIKE I WAS GETTING READY TO LOOK THE DEVIL IN THE FACE.
But as I got close and Brad looked up, I didn’t see the devil. I saw a broken man. I walked to him and said, “God sent me here this morning to tell you something.” I was crying. He was crying. I said, “God knows what you’ve done. All of it. And He wants you to know He loves you, and if you are willing to surrender to Him, He will forgive you.”
When I said that, he fell to His knees.
I got on the ground beside him, and he said as he sobbed, “I was just saying, ‘God if you’re real, how can you ever forgive me for the things I have done.’”
I put my arms around him and said, “I forgive you too.”
He cried harder, and I cried harder. He said, “What must I do?”
I said, “Ask Jesus into your heart and accept Him as your savior and He will forgive you.”
He said, “I have done some very terrible things.”
I said, “He knows, and I know.” I just knew. I knew he had hurt little girls just like me. I just knew. But more importantly, God knew. He just started sobbing so hard and begging God to forgive him for the things he had done. Then he asked Jesus into his heart. We hugged. And as we stood back up, we saw that everyone was watching us, and they all had tears running down their faces. I don’t know if everyone knew the magnitude of what happened that Sunday morning except God, Brad, and me.
God had me look into the eyes of a man I thought was the devil himself, and He showed me that He loves everyone, even abusers. He let me see that not all abusers are evil; some are broken humans who have also been abused. I found out later Brad had been raped by his uncle, and he abused others because that was what he knew. He had hoped he could stop, but he had never been able to change until that normal Sunday morning, which wasn’t so normal after all.
That morning, two people received healing, and one man received Christ’s forgiveness and salvation.
Brad went on to get married and live a happy, healthy life with his new wife. We lost touch after he moved away to start a new life with a new job and a new church they attended regularly. He kept himself in check by always letting his pastors know where he came from, so they could help keep him accountable. He was a changed man. ONLY God can do that. He can do that for anyone willing to accept His gift of freedom from the bondage that so many of us carry. How loving and merciful is our God!
Thank you for letting me share this, another intimate part of my life, with you. May God bless you.
Love, Tina
