COFFEE CHATS

Holiday Reflections

BY TINA KADOLPH

As I wrapped up 2023 by taking down my Christmas tree and stepping into 2024, I reflected on how my December had been particularly challenging. I had a weight on my heart with a mix of memories, longing, and loss.

Perhaps my emotions were a reflection of the work I do and the awareness that not everyone has the privilege of creating good memories. I know this personally as I don’t remember any happy Christmases when I was little.

Christmases were sad and lonely, and I never got anything I hoped for, including safety.

I saw other children riding their new bikes and playing with their new dolls. When I returned to school, I saw their new clothes and shoes. I longed for the same. Because of these memories, I started Boxes of Love—a creation of boxes of toys, school supplies, and hygiene products distributed to children from struggling or abusive homes. I want them to know that someone cares.

As a child, sometimes churches gave our family something similar—we were so excited. It was the little things that were huge to us. Because we never got those things from my mom. Like the pencils that had lead that you took off and put in the hole underneath, and then a new lead would pop up. Or the powdered strawberry milk. You would have thought we were given a million dollars when we received these simple things.

Even today, I feel conflicted between the joy of the season and the reality of life’s heartbreak. It can feel overwhelming. But I’m excited for the new memories I’ve been able to enjoy and create with our grandchildren—the next generation. Being able to add their chapter to our family’s story is a gift I didn’t always think I’d have.

Because Christmas was so hard for me as a child, I always wanted it to be so special for my kids. I hope they know how much it meant to me to have our Christmases filled with love and security, not feelings of being less than others. But mostly, I wanted my children to know that Jesus loves them and died for them, and He is the only one who makes us worthy, no matter where we come from.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16 NIV)

So, as I stood in front of my tree, looking at the twinkling lights and ornaments, my heart longed for Christmases past—back to the days when my girls were young. Those were such sweet times for me as I was able to give my children the things I was never given—a safe, healthy family. I remember how I felt as I watched them open their gifts with the wonder of Christmas glowing in their eyes. I felt such joy, peace, and contentment.

When decorating my Christmas tree, I’ve never followed a fancy plan with matchingcolored bulbs or a particular theme, though I’ve always admired those trees and thought one day I might just do that. They always look so pretty.

Instead, I always go back to decorating my tree the same way each year—with a mix match of different ornaments, each holding a special memory or story.

Some decorations have dates on them—like the first Christmas for each of my girls and the ones they made at school. Yep, I still have those paper ornaments, and they still put a smile on my face as I think back on those sweet memories.

There are also the ornaments from the first Christmas Carl and I spent together. Not knowing what I was doing, I made decorations for our first Christmas tree by hand. They were crafted with so much love and filled with so many dreams and hopes for our future. Now they make me laugh; they look so silly. I was so young; it’s been over 40 years now.

While taking down the tree, I felt a bit sad, longing for those days and all the precious memories we made.

But even as I look back, I’m thankful for the new memories we are making with our grandchildren. Now I get to watch them and their excitement and wonder of Christmas. And I get to watch my daughters create new traditions for their families. Theirs is a stronger, faith-built generation.

With all that being said, the end of 2023 and the beginning of 2024 were tough, and my heart felt heavy. I know part of it is missing our sweet grandson Berkeley, our little superhero, as we call him. He was such a fighter.

December, especially, brings back memories of our last moments with Berkeley here on earth. He left a huge gap in our family when he went to heaven. His Angelversary is in early January. And those memories and thoughts are still heart-wrenching, and I know they always will be. I’m so grateful for God’s promise that we will all be together again one day.

Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. (1 Thessalonians 4:17 ESV)

Despite my emotions and the ups and downs that come with decorating the tree, taking it down, and all the celebrations of the season, I realized that life is a mix of emotions and feelings. Although there is sadness and longing, we can also experience joy, if we don’t lose our focus.

In the midst of the chaos of life, we need to settle down and remember what is important. It’s not the physical gifts we give or receive, but it’s those we go through life with. It’s a baby who came to earth and died so that we might live. And live a life more abundantly.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. (John 10:10 NIV)

Without Jesus, how would we get through the heartbreak and ever be able to see the good?

As we venture further into 2024 and all that it will bring, don’t forget time is fleeting, and life will always have its struggles.

But our hope and joy can only and always be found in Jesus.

Jesus is the one who heals the brokenness of our past, gives us hope for the future, and promises that we will one day see again our loved ones who are no longer here to make memories with us.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3 NIV).

Remember to reach out to those who may be experiencing rough times while others celebrate. You may be the only way they see Jesus.

Appreciate the little things; hug your children, grandchildren, family, and friends. We never know what tomorrow holds, and every moment is precious.

Tina Kadolph is the founder and president of Love Missions Global.