A Beautiful Mess

A Beautiful Mess

BY JESSICA PRUKNER

Life is filled with a bunch of different choices. The great John Maxwell put it best when he said, “Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” 1 Every day we wake up, we have the ability and gift to choose.

The world we live in today offers us a plethora of options, including when it comes to education and home education. God has given us the beautiful gift of children, and we are responsible for the choices we make as we help raise them in the way they should go. We also individually have choices that directly affect our lives while impacting our children. For instance, I chose to be a stay-at-home mom and dedicate my life to teaching and raising my kids. I made a decision not to advance my career and, instead, make raising world changers my priority and purpose. That choice has determined the outcome of the past decade of my life.

I have also had to make many decisions for my children, leaning on their father’s wisdom and God’s direction accessed in prayer. Each one of my three children has a different personality and different strengths and gifts as well as weaknesses and challenges. Every year–sometimes a few times a year–I need to evaluate the best choices for them. Sometimes these choices are as simple as changing a math curriculum. Other times it may involve hiring a tutor. And sometimes it can be as drastic as looking for an alternative school direction.

Choices can sometimes feel like heavy burdens as we try our best to make the ‘right’ choice. We can feel like we do when we try to select a movie but spend so much time scrolling through the options that we tire or run out of time to watch the movie.

I have learned through the years that God is faithful even when I feel clueless. I have seen God time and time again direct me to the right place and the right choice for each of my children in all areas of their lives. The road of decision-making has been filled with dead ends, u-turns, twists and turns, turbulent terrains, and sometimes roundabouts that I didn’t know how to exit appropriately, but so far, we have ended up exactly where each child needs to be.

My oldest daughter is a perfect example. She has been homeschooling with me since first grade. I have enjoyed watching her grow, learn, and explore over the past decade, but in the last year, as she entered the teen world, we struggled. And I noticed she seemed to be struggling alone. She is very social, loves people and interaction and needed more than my home environment was able to give her.

We were fighting a lot–having difficulties with the student/teacher/mom/daughter relationship. I kept praying. We kept trying different curriculums and options online, but we knew none were the right choice for her. The peace wasn’t there; I just knew it in my gut. This wasn’t how the next and last four years of her education and home life were supposed to be like.

God started directing the paths and lining up the right people at the right time. She had a mentor who heard she had just gotten a volleyball court at our home. As this mentor was the coach at this little school, she invited my daughter to a school volleyball camp last summer. I sent her to the camp, figuring the socialization and exercise couldn’t hurt as she learned some new volleyball skills.

She went that week and fell in love with the school, students, and coaches. They invited her back for basketball camp the next month. She had never played basketball, but I figured the second week in this environment would help determine if she really loved it or if it was just a nice week away. After the second week, she was sold on how much she wanted to attend this school.

I was very hesitant. I had to let go of some of my own issues. Feeling like a bit of a homeschool mom failure, I agreed to meet with the pastor and teacher. To my surprise, this school was the perfect mix of a homeschool Christian curriculum that supported our lifestyle of travel and our learning and education beliefs. So I enrolled her. We are now near the end of the year, and God has been so good.

This school has been the best thing that could have happened to my daughter. We have grown in our relationship as mother/daughter and she has drawn closer to God, learned amazing life responsibilities, and obtained some awesome Christian friends. She is excelling in her education and helping others around her.

God knows best. All we have to do is seek Him and give our worries and desires for our children to Him. I have learned to want less of me and more of Him. I have learned to be still and let Him. I have learned to trust in Him with all my heart. Mom, Dad, God’s got your children, and He knows what’s best. Look to Him; He will help you make the best, Godordained choices for them. I have accepted that I’m not that so big or powerful that I can mess up what the Almighty God has in store for my children. And oh, what a place of peace and relief that is for me.

Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you. John Maxwell

1Talent is Never Enough Wrokbook: Art, Imagination and Spirit: A Reflections on Creativity and Faith, by John C. Maxwell (ed. Thomas Nelson Inc, 2007)