THROUGH A MOTHER’S EYES

Honor

by Diane Cheveldayoff

The fifth commandment is often referred to as the first commandment with a promise: Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you (Exodus 20:12 NLT, emphasis added). In Deuteronomy 5:16, God reminds us again of this same commandment and promise. In our current world, some believe that without adherence to the fifth commandment, the family unit and civilized society are in danger of collapsing. Although that is a very strong statement, it should make us all think long and hard.

Let’s face it: as parents, we’ve all experienced moments when our kids haven’t abided by this commandment. We’ve all been there, but it’s not just our kids who have dropped the ball. Haven’t we ourselves neglected to show honor to our parents at times? It was much later in my own life before I realized how my words and actions did not honor my mom and dad. I was well into my late forties when, after a conversation with my mom, God convicted me of how I had spoken to her. I didn’t say anything crude or harsh, but I certainly did not give her the honor she deserved. At that moment of realization, I thought of this scripture and understood I had been sinning and not applying this specific commandment.

When I became aware of this, I not only knew my actions were wrong but also that my kids were watching, listening, and seeing me as a role model. Is that how I wanted them to treat me? Just as my last article in Voice of Truth titled “Role Reversal” pointed out that we are always role models for our kids no matter their age, it hit home that I wasn’t setting the tone for the positive role reversal I would want from our girls. It dawned on me that even though I now had kids who were under this commandment, it still applied to me as I related to my parents. For whatever reason, somewhere along the line, I had determined that the fifth commandment now applied more to my girls than it did to me. But the Bible doesn’t say the commandments expire or that we ever grow out of them. Specifically, regarding the fifth commandment, the Bible doesn’t even say that we are to show honor only if our parents deserve it or when we agree with them. There is no qualification to this commandment. And what’s more, it is the only commandment with a promise. It is relevant and inclusive to us all, at all times and all ages.

Let’s look at eight ways that we, as adult children, can honor our fathers and mothers:

1. Be thankful for our parents.

2. Be patient with our parents.

3. Listen to our parents.

4. Encourage our parents; don’t seek to control them.

5. Care for our parents.

6. Pray for our parents.

7. Forgive our parents.

8. Model Jesus to our parents.

We recently took our first family vacation since my husband and I became true empty nesters. Our kids are not just off to college and back and forth; they are now out of the home and living legitimately independent lives. In their younger years, when they were home, we always tried to intentionally take a one-week vacation with only the five of us—without even extended family or friends. Now that the girls are all in their late twenties and each works a different schedule and has unique priorities, it took great effort on everyone’s part to orchestrate this vacation. We all had to travel great distances—from Hawaii, Illinois, Virginia, and Florida—to be together. We all flew in to have some good ol’ family fun in a beautiful remote setting in Washington State.

Overall, it was a very special and memorable time. The added bonus, however, was that my husband’s parents joined us for several days from Vancouver Island, Canada. This was specifically arranged as my daughters, wanting to honor their grandparents, requested a location that would allow them to join us. My daughters recognized that the years are passing and wanted to create an atmosphere to show their grandparents how special they are. I was so grateful and full of joy knowing the girls wanted to be with us and their grandparents so much that they put forth immense effort—the logistics, the cost, and the sacrifice of time all speak volumes.

Despite great intentions, every family can have moments when things get a little tense and complicated. Reflecting on a specific scene from our trip, I had to turn to God to overcome the feeling of disrespect and lack of honor I felt at that moment. In the big picture, this was just a short amount of time, yet the harsh impact made it difficult for me to let it go. Once I recognized the struggle and saw the cause and effect, only then was healing possible. In doing so, I was reminded that it is necessary at every stage of parenting to show grace and forgiveness. And God also reminded me again of just how much grace and forgiveness my parents offered me when I did not honor them.

When we go to God seeking direction, He often makes scriptures come alive for us and reminds us that His instructions, such as Honor your father and mother, are not just for others but are also for us. I pray for my kids and others that the depth of this particular scripture will take root quicker than it did for me—applying scripture to our lives is far different than just hearing it. And when we apply the full reality of the commandment, we can unlock the promise that goes with it.

I know our girls do honor and respect us. But when they fail to show it, we are called to show grace and forgiveness, loving them where they are in their journey of life lessons.

When I succeed in offering grace, forgiveness, and honor to all those in my family, I am following Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 19:19, which says, “Honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself” (NIV). By following Jesus’ teaching and God’s commands, I know I have a fighting chance to keep my family and our society intact and whole, as God created us to be. Will you join me?

Diane has 40+ years in the hospitality industry - planning, contracting, and executing meetings and events worldwide. She and her husband Les, married over 31 years, have three beautiful adult girls. She supports his pastoral role and as AACC certified coaches they enjoy helping others have healthy relationships. Diane at Diane@ExecutiveDiamond.com www.ExecutiveDiamond.com

Diane Cheveldayoff