Reheated Coffee

Be Still

BY AMANDA JACKMAN

Newborn motherhood is nothing short of chaotic. And as I’ve found, newborn motherhood with four other children is a whole different level—one that I felt both unqualified and totally unprepared for.

My five children are ages 6, 5, 4, 2, and 2 months. Upon our baby’s birth and unexpected NICU stay, we were also actively dealing with my husband’s coaching of our oldest son’s 8u baseball team and 5-year-old daughter’s t-ball team and attempting to finish the school year successfully, which included constantly chauffeuring four kids to the multiple places they needed to go. On top of it all, I was trying to find rest and peace as I recovered from my postpartum hormone shift.

Many days I cried, and so many days I spent yelling. Despite trying desperately to get in the groove, it felt like I would never get there. I was so tired and barely spent any time in God’s Word. I was trying to find rest and comfort everywhere except with the only One who could ultimately fill my cup.

Psalm 46:10 came to mind, He says, “Be still and know that I am God” (NIV). I was questioning my capability, questioning whether I was cut out to be a mom of so many wild children— four of whom are boys. I cried as my 2-yearold was carried off the baseball field in the middle of a game, totally stuck in a self-made shame cycle. I wasn’t resting in the goodness of God’s miracles; I was distracted by the busy.

As a result, I failed to recognize the blessings happening around me. My 6-year-old was teaching boys about Jesus in the dugout. My once-introverted daughter was making friends with everyone at the baseball fields. And my once too-difficult-to-take-in-public child was now attending multiple games a week and thriving!

I finally began to understand I needed to loosen up the reigns a little bit and realize that, in these sometimes-overwhelming moments of motherhood, my simple call is to rely fully on God’s presence as I serve Him. I don’t need a spotless house to be the mom He called me to be. And God never requires me to “bounce back” emotionally or physically. All He wants me to do is to love these babies with my whole heart—including my cold coffee, messy bun, and yoga pants—and show them Jesus through my words and actions.

I needed to give grace to my 2-year-old, who just became a big brother for the first time. I needed to give grace to my 4-year-old, who didn’t want to hold the baby right away. I needed to give grace and be patient with my 5-year-old, who started to find that his attitude could merit undivided attention. And I needed to be okay with accepting help to watch the kids, so I could cheer on my sweet 6-year-old while he excels doing something he loves.

Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (NIV).

Sometimes we need to rest, to just be still in God’s presence, so we can clearly see what God has blessed us with and allow Him to show us that this season will fly by. I am learning that I don’t need to enjoy every second of every season to enjoy it fully. With God’s help, I am qualified to be who He has called me to be; and I can trust that He has adequately prepared me for everything I encounter. So I can enjoy memories and moments, even without hot coffee or a spotless house.