El Roi... The God Who Sees Me

EL ROI…THE GOD WHO SEES ME

Nothing Is Wasted

BY LISA HATHAWAY

When I got the phone call on June 11, 2021, that I had invasive ductal carcinoma, my world stopped in its tracks. First, I had to make sure I heard the doctor correctly. Did I really hear the words “breast cancer”? As I stood there in that moment, I was shocked, but I also recalled all the times God had been so faithful to me. My mind went straight to Psalm 42:5-6 "Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God—soon I’ll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He’s my God. When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you." (MSG)

I never knew that this would be a part of my story. I had questions rolling through my heart and mind. How was I going to tell my three kids? What was going to happen to me? Then through the anxiousness, God gently reminded me that this did not take Him off guard. He sees the end from the beginning.

After enduring many appointments with different doctors and listening to my options, I settled on a double mastectomy. So there I was at 44 years old, facing a radical surgery I never anticipated or expected. This was a pivotal moment in my life. My double mastectomy was on August 12, 2021. A day that changed me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

As I lay in the hospital bed after the surgery, with the lights turned off and my family gone, I felt waves of anxiety. My hubby was still there, but he was trying to sleep. So, I immediately put my Air Pods in and selected my pre-made “Soul Lifter” worship music playlist—determined to soak in God’s presence.

I was awed at the amazing touches, hugs, and tangible ways God had shown up.

God is just so incredible. Sometimes it’s hard to find the words to express how GOOD He really is and how He completely SEES me.

I felt my heartbeat in my now completely flat chest, filled with stitches and all things medical. I realized the scars I would have, and what I had lost hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt I had lost my femininity, and what I felt defined me and gave me value. But God so clearly spoke to me. “What you thought you lost, you gained so much more…. your true value and identity are in me. I don’t see the outside of you. I see the heart of you and the beautiful dust I formed you from. How I value you, MY daughter, is not based on the outside. I see the broken pieces that have made you beautiful. I see your scars, and they are going to minister to so many more people for my glory and my kingdom.”

Yes…tears welled in my eyes. I was sad. I didn’t know what was to come after the surgery. I knew I had to wait on my lymph node results before I would know the next steps. So many unknowns ahead. I am a woman, and I have emotions and feelings.

Yes, there had been grieving for sure, and I knew it would all continue to be a process, but I was quickly reminded that there is purpose in our pain.

Nothing is wasted, and I knew that and had seen that. God is so faithful and has proved this over and over and time after time. How can we EVER doubt His unconditional love and faithfulness to us as His children? He is the name above every name.

Reach for Him.

Cling to Him.

Look for Him.

Fight for Him.

Love Him.

Surrender to Him.

My Jesus is SO worth it!!!!

Lisa Hathaway is a wife and mother to four amazing children. Her heart is serving and seeing others through the eyes of Jesus. She is passionate about ensuring people feel valued, loved, and know that God has a purpose for their lives. She is pursuing a Master’s Degree in Clinical and Mental Health Counseling from Liberty University.

She is on the leadership team for Women World Leaders and is so excited to bring women into the kingdom of God by loving them right where they are on their journey.