Smoke Should Fall

By Phoebe Bee

I can feel the heat radiating from my irritated earlobes Responsibility wrecks the tips as I feel the gnawing sting of flame wrapped around my name as it leaves your lips

The pain I caused, I deserve to feel the same. You reserve the right to stand in my way deciding what day you whisper my shame into the ears of companions and friends Something we once were, something I ruined

It’s my fault we were burnt to the ground I’m the one who turned on the stove, but you left it on... I am what drove us apart

It must have been a grease fire no matter how much water I threw the flame kept spreading, moving over to the door that stands between us... closed. As the fireman Swung his axe to chop it down, all he did was add another wedge between us.

I can’t keep blaming the actions that you took, or the way the ground shook that caused the match to leave my hand, igniting what would reprimand, setting my insides ablaze

I believe that together we could’ve put it out, even if there would’ve been some scorch marks, those boards could’ve been restored All in due time

I was so anxious

My house was already full of char, but I was honest

I told you about my bad habits I used to smoke outside

No matter how far I walked from the house, I was close enough to hear a cough

So I stopped smoking

But when I lit up that stove you assumed it was a pack, and I was right back to square one

That’s not why I chose to tell you what I’d done I thought you’d trust me more not less Tears don’t extinguish the fire in my chest

I’d always been a fan of the cold I thought it made me feel safe

But what remains after the flame is where true safety lies.

The worst already happened, you were away from me

You were rescued by the crew who could see straight through my sunny facade, my simmering stylised smile

Meanwhile I hadn’t realized that wasn’t me, I’m Sorry...

I’m Sorry I’m Sorry I’m Sorry These words sear the inside of my throat as that person who cared stares with cold, pale eyes But not at me, not anymore

The guilt consumes, burning lonely wrapped around my body, spreading slowly The only way for me to put it out is to visit the fiery gates of Hell But you don’t want that

So I’ll lay here, my scalding hot sweat simmering, my nearly boiling blood giving me heartburn until I turn into a colder person