Yet

By Phoebe Bee

It’s that feeling of nothingness, endless abyss wrapped around my hips

As you grab them, I realize you’ve bitten off more than I can chew

We weren’t there Yet

I’m still not, My comfortability wasn’t ever a thought You didn’t really care

As long as you got what you needed, something I couldn’t give

So you told me it’s okay for now to not give you what I couldn’t It’d be unreasonable of you

What was also unreasonable was how I had more boundaries than I needed, bound to my pleading, working around you giving way

My patience never ran thin until after the end when I saw the effects

Why couldn’t I provide what you wanted? The very idea of it all made me feel nauseous

My caution unconsciously prevented me from talking, taking too much time

I didn’t have enough time to decide for myself, not with you breathing down my neck, and as you reached towards the abyss, I just let it happen because that’s what I should do, right?

I was wasting our hours begging your heart to place your love for me above the care for yourself I can tell that I was really just a toy It didn’t start that way so maybe we would go back to before my void was what your gaze sought

I didn’t even want to talk about it

That’s how uncomfortable it made me, delaying your satisfaction How terrible it must’ve been, the suspense suspending your lips, blocking them from kissing the abyss

I sip from a cup of tea, reflecting on the dreams no— the nightmares you gifted me, wrapped with a little bow The new fears that came to be after how I was treated Maybe I’ll get over it just Not yet