May 2017 by Counterpoint Magazine

COUNTERPOINT the wellesley college journal of campus life may 2017 volume 48 issue 4

Dearest Reader,

Until next time, Olivia & Samantha

Counterpoint categories for content warning: Implication of: for content that seems to be implied in any given article, but does not actually name or give a description or discussion of said content Mention of: for content that is named or defined in any given article, but does not provide specific details or descriptions in the usage of said content Description of: for content that is named and described in detail in any given article counterpoint / may 2017

Olivia Funderburg ’18

Managing Editor

Samantha English ’19

Production Manager

Natassja Haught ’18 Roz Rea ’19

Staff Editors

Yours subversively, Ally & Charlotte

We’ve made it to the end of the year—given the year we’ve had, on campus and off, this is quite an accomplishment. We hope our magazine has served you well through many conversations as a safe but strong place for new ideas, multifaceted opinions, and beautiful stories. Counterpoint is our favorite space at Wellesley because it helps us connect with incredible people. The students with whom we are lucky to work with make Counterpoint a success each month, but more important to our success is you: you who read our magazine and you who share your voice with us. Counterpoint is a platform for stories about mental health, identity, inequity, and much more. It is whatever you need it to be, and we are constantly striving for improvement. To those who have published with us: thank you. To those who have not yet: please do. And to those who might want to work on our magazine: come join us next semester. We would love to have you. But before we worry about a new year, we are ready for space to breathe, as you all probably are. Take time for yourself this summer, make it a priority to do what you want to do, whether you read a good book, try a new job, or write something you have had on your mind; you deserve it. Remember to go easy on yourselves—this is something we both remind ourselves to do each day.

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Editor-inChief

Features Editor

Allyson Larcom ’17 Nina-Marie Amadeo ’18 Lara Brennan ’18 Rachele Byrd ’18 Natassja Haught ’18 Molly Hoyer ’18 Kelechi Alfred-Igbokwe ’19 Lydia MacKay ’19 Francesca Gazzolo ’20

D E S I G N S TA F F Charlotte Yu ’17 Midori Yang ’19 Jessica Maciuch ’20

Layout Editors

B U S I N E S S S TA F F Treasurer

Samantha English ’19

C O N T R I BU TO R S

Images: Photo by Natassja Haught '18 (cover), pinterest.com (left)

Letters from the Editors

E D I TO R I A L S TA F F

These past several years have been an absolute joy. We joined the staff of this illustrious magazine as a first-year and a sophomore. During our time here, we got to watch this magazine bloom into something incredible. This magazine has grown considerably since our time on staff. In staff size—we used to be able to fit in one nook at Tower Great Hall for meetings, now we spread out on the floor in a circle. In content—we used to dwell chiefly on the literary and the artistic, always scrambling to gather articles, and now we have a much broader selection of articles, more compact magazines, and a whole new Identity section. (The attention to each semicolon and em-dash, however, has not changed.) We want to thank you for being there with us. Thank you for writing for us, responding to our polls, reacting to the articles we publish, and alerting us to mistakes we’ve made. You are always the reason that we want to make Counterpoint better and more inclusive. We urge you to keep pushing us to be better, even after we’ve gone. Reluctant as we are to go, we are confident that the next generation of Counterpoint can only improve. We leave the magazine in the best of hands.

Allyson Larcom ’17, Lucía Ortega ’17, Sophia Temkin ’17, Kanika Vaish ’17, Chloe Xiao ’17, Charlotte Yu ’17

TRUSTEES Allyson Larcom ’17, Hanna DayTenerowicz ’16, Cecilia Nowell ’16, Oset Babur ’15, Alison Lanier ’15, Kristina Costa ’09, Kara Hadge ’08, Edward Summers MIT ’08

SUBMISSIONS

The views expressed in Counterpoint do not necessarily reflect the views of the staff. Counterpoint invites all members of the Wellesley community to submit articles, letters, and art. Email submissions to ofunderb@wellesley.edu. Counterpoint encourages cooperation between writers and editors but reserves the right to edit all submissions for length and clarity.

COUNTERPOINT THE WELLESLEY COLLEGE JOURNAL OF CAMPUS LIFE MAY 2017 Volume 48 / Issue 4

IDENTITY LUCIA ORTEGA

THE BLACK-CAPPED CHICKADEE CALLING FOR YOU

ANONYMOUS

FULL CIRCLE

M E N TA L H E A LT H SOPHIA TEMKIN

LET'S TALK ABOUT THERAPY

CAMPUS LIFE CHARLOTTE YU

NOT EXCITED

KANIKA VAISH

GROWING WITH WELLESLEY

ALLYSON LARCOM

50 THINGS

CHLOE XIAO

HOW ONE LIKES ONESELF

COUNTERPOINT STAFF

SENIOR TRIBUTE

F E AT U R E S COUNTERPOINT STAFF

CROSSWORD: GREEN CLASS OF 2017

COUNTERPOINT STAFF

POLL: SENIOR EXIT SURVEY

counterpoint / may 2017

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IDENTITY

The Black-Capped Chickadee Calling For You Content warning: description of death

here was no person I wanted to make more proud than you, not even my mother. You were my world; I only thought of you and how one day I was going to do anything in my power to see you healthy again. When I got into Wellesley with a full ride, I knew it was going to be my key to obtain a degree and then go to graduate school. You did not know where Wellesley was, but you did not care. You trusted my decision. Once I got into college, I was so caught up in my academics, trying to navigate through Wellesley as a first-gen student. I rarely called home, and I rarely called you. I was being selfish. I knew you were sick, but I was in denial. In my mind you were still young; death was not even close to you. One day you got very ill, but I told myself you were going to be fine. I had

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called you about a month before, and you had jokingly said, “We are old. We are going to die soon.” I said, “You are not. You will live many more years.” During, the last week of classes, I had two major exams and was not calling home. I thought once I am done with exams, I will call. On a Thursday night, my cousin texted me telling me that you were very ill, and that they had removed most of your intestine, and that you were not going to make it. At that moment, I went into a room in Clapp and started to cry. How could this happen? Why did I go to a school so far away, so you could die? What was the whole point? I was angry at the world, at the distance, at God. The weekend passed, and on Monday I received a text that you had passed away. A text, not even a call, notifying me about your death. At that moment my world fell apart. I could not go home anymore to see you alive, and, even if I could, we didn’t have the money. As a student who had never gone through the death of a grandparent, I did not know about the resources on campus I could have asked for. I went to class, hiding my tears, and all I could feel was

a knot inside my throat as my professors lectured. When I went back home, things did not feel the same. My home felt empty. My mother again and again would tell me about the last days you were alive and how difficult it was for her to see you die. And when I came back to Wellesley for the summer, I would hear the blackcapped chickadees whistle, and all I could think of was you and the pain that I felt when I realized I was never going to see you again. As I would walk around campus, I would imagine all of the important family events you were not going to attend and how heartbreaking that was going to be. The whistle of the birds sounded like a call for you to come back, but you never did. Things were never the same after your death. I felt like a little bird trapped in a golden cage. Despite being in a place where I was obtaining a great education, being provided with amazing resources, and meeting wonderful people, I just didn’t want to be here. This last semester as a senior, I have reflected a lot on the four years I spent on this campus. I have come to the conclusion that the reason I hated

Image: Natassja Haught '18 (right), fallsbrookcentre.ca (left), http://clipground.com (left, right)

BY LUCÍA ORTEGA Wellesley so much was because I never gave myself an opportunity to grieve your death. I was so angry that I could not grieve your death, because almost every day this place reminded me of you. I was sad that every time I heard the blackcapped chickadees whistle, it was as if my heart was calling for you. For so long I had a strong resentment towards this campus for reminding me of how vulnerable I felt when you died, but I put on this façade day after day to show I was okay. I know you wouldn’t want to read these words, but I think as I am closing this chapter of my life, I am ready to state how I really feel. I am ready to spread my wings and leave this golden cage and finally give myself time to grieve your death.

Looking for Full Circle? Counterpoint has removed this article from the online version at the author's request. For more information, please contact the Editor-in-Chief (ofunderb@wellesley.edu).

Love you always, Your granddaughter Lucía

Lucía Ortega ’17 (lortega@wellesley.edu) is ready to spread her wings.

counterpoint / may 2017

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MENTAL HEALTH

Let's Talk About Therapy BY SOPHIA TEMKIN

he first time I went to therapy, I was in second grade. The last time I went to therapy was about a week ago. I think I’ve spent more years in weekly therapy than not. I can mark time by how well I was coping with my mental health. Fourth grade will always be “The Year I Attempted Suicide.” Ninth grade is remembered as the first time I went a whole year without being in therapy. And this year, my senior year of college, I’m sure I will remember as the year I went back to therapy to deal with grief at my grandfather’s passing and anxiety over my father’s cancer diagnosis. I don’t talk a lot about my therapy experiences. I don’t even talk about my diagnoses. I might allude to them in conversations with friends, but that only happens with my closest friends. As much as I believe in mental health advocacy, I have struggled to share what therapy has done for me. But I’m concerned by how negative the narrative around therapy is on this campus, so I decided I should share. Here is what therapy has done for me: I believe therapy is the reason why I am empathetic, a good listener, and extremely self-reflective. Therapy has literally saved my life. The skills I’ve learned are the reason why I am a functioning adult. My therapist is the reason why I believed I could handle going to Wellesley, many miles away from my family. Therapy allowed me to know myself. Therapy

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gave me the tools to develop healthy relationships after experiencing sexual assault; it helped me find a purpose for living when everything else made me feel completely worthless. I’ve worked hard on my mental health—yes, it is work. It’s hard to go talk to a stranger about your deepest fears and be completely vulnerable and then come back in a week to do it all over again. It’s hard and scary, terrifying even. It’s scary to say out loud to someone,“I worry that I won’t accomplish anything in my life.” It’s hard to understand what someone else could do to help you when you are so thoroughly convinced you are beyond assistance. That’s the terrifying thing about mental illnesses: at the moment you so badly need someone else to help you, you convince yourself no one possibly could. Sometimes a therapist might not click with you. Sometimes they might even be absolutely awful and disregard your feelings or your identity. Medication is not the right treatment for everyone; it can be a long time before you feel better and it is so easy to become discouraged. But it is still one of the best ways to cope with a mental illness. When we keep sharing stories about how we think Stone Center would hospitalize us if we sought help or counselors there won’t say anything more substantial than “go talk a walk around the lake,” what effect are we having on our community? Many people talk about how awful

the Stone Center is, but far fewer people talk about the times it has been helpful. The Stone Center counselor I saw my first year is the reason I didn’t transfer when I felt overwhelmed with homesickness. The Stone Center can be effective. When we share only critical thoughts, we dissuade people from going to Stone, and we might simultaneously send the harmful message that therapy overall is useless. I worry about the incoming first-year who might be feeling homesick, or just anxious about college, yet doesn’t reach out for help because of the overwhelmingly negative things people have said. I worry that in a moment of crisis someone won’t reach out to the people best trained to help them. I worry about the people who go through Wellesley feeling alone but never know that feeling alone is a valid reason to talk to a counselor. I worry we aren’t giving enough space—or enough validation— to the people for whom counselling has really worked. In the spirit of being a senior and thinking about what I wish people had said, here is a list of things I wish more people would say about mental health. 1. Therapy doesn’t fix everything in one sitting. You have to go again and again. Often you will feel worse after a session; that makes sense. You’ve just opened up the deepest parts of your soul, so it’s going to feel raw. Sometimes therapy alone isn’t enough. 2. People who judge you for seeking

Image: thehunt.com (right)

Content warning: implication of depression; mention of attempted suicide, sexual assault, and anxiety help aren’t people you should listen to when it comes to mental health. Yes, I know that might include parents, siblings, or even significant others. Stigma runs deep in society, and there is a lot of shame associated with therapy and mental health in general. Don’t let that stigma prevent you from seeking out help. 3. Following up on Point 2: Put Yourself First. Maybe not every time, but at least some of the times. Cut out the people in your life who don’t bring you joy. Add more of the things and people who do. Life is too short to not prioritize your own happiness. Also, repeat this phrase as often as necessary, “I deserve to be happy.” You don’t need to feel happy every moment of every day but you deserve to feel happiness and contentment. 4. Mental health is complicated. You might feel great for a week and then feel awful. Just because you still feel happiness or excitement doesn’t mean you should ignore the times when you feel overwhelmed, out of control, or extremely lonely. Depression does not mean you never smile. 5. Mental illness is more common than you think, and more people than you might expect are seeking help for it. People with a mental illness don’t have a certain look. We aren’t all in a secret society that you have to qualify for to join. We are your RA, your e-board president, or a varsity athlete. Just because you are

on medication or go see a therapist doesn’t mean you can’t accomplish whatever you want. 6. Please stop conflating depression with sadness and anxiety with stress. Depression and anxiety are clinical terms which refer to a specific diagnosis with specific symptoms. We all feel sadness and stress, we don’t all experience depression and anxiety. To use the terms interchangeably makes it seem like people with depression or anxiety should be able to cope on their own because people who are sad or stressed manage on their own. 7. If you don’t like a therapist, tell them what you don’t like. If they don’t change, go see someone else. Same thing for medication. Repeat as many times as needed until you find what helps you feel better. 8. Go to Active Minds events or talk with your MHE if you have questions. This last one is shameless selfpromotion. I have been honored to be a MHE for the last four years and this year I served as the coordinator of the MHEs. The group of people in Active Minds care so much about mental health

advocacy. They care about changing the culture of our campus to encourage more people to seek the help they need. Go and talk with them if you have questions. College is one of the few places where you will have free therapy available to you almost whenever you want. Take advantage of this opportunity. Find out more about yourself, discover a self-care technique that really works for you, and prioritize your mental health. You are worth it. Sophia Temkin ’17 (stemkin@wellesley. edu) is researching therapists to see after graduation and is still working on sharing the positive moments in life.

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CAMPUS LIFE

Not Excited BY CHARLOTTE YU

e suis excitée de te voir, I said hesitantly, during a mock dialogue exercise in one 8:30 a.m. FREN103 class in Fall 2013. To my embarrassment, Prof. Lydgate intervened and explained that “excitée” does not mean “excited,” but more accurately, “sexually aroused.” Not an entirely innocent word, but an innocent enough mistake. I never used the word again. I live with 13 people with big hearts in a cozy house. The weekend after moving in, there was a lively, fun party downstairs, with people joking together after a long summer apart, as well as meeting each other for the first time. I wanted to befriend my housemates, badly: they were such kind, friendly, and brilliant people. Yet I dreaded the befriending. I sat frozen on my chair in my room, Homestead 23, terrified of going downstairs and not knowing what to say, worried that the slit

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of light from underneath my door would give away how antisocial I was. Carefree laughter drifted from the porch through my window. Out of anxiety I went to bed early; out of anxiety I could not fall asleep. My first meeting at Counterpoint went in a lukewarm way. It happened in one of the nooks in Tower Great Hall: Stan peering at me with something that resembled curiosity, Maddy explaining that we would need a treasurer soon, Hanna saying that she might have an article, and Mariana’s voice so sweet and poised that it was genuinely surprising. They were so cool, each and every one of them. They were irreverent and funny, held opinions about the world, and slipped philosophical and literary references into conversation. They welcomed me naturally, as if I weren’t a nervous, quiet first year who hadn’t a clue about editing.

I probably developed a high benchmark for excitement to avoid feeling foolish when things don’t go about as anticipated. I don’t like my excited self. She is jittery, says the wrong things, laughs at the wrong time, and wears a confused smile bordering on panic. But poor expression of excitement shouldn’t be the reason for banishing it altogether. Seeing excitement in other people makes me smile; it’s a force of life after all, why contain it? It’s artificial excitement that I shy away from. How many times have you exclaimed or typed out “I’m so excited” followed by an exclamation point, an emoji, or multiple? How many times out of those have you actually felt something else? But feigning excitement too has its merits. It gives others the appreciation they deserve. If you’re convincing enough, you might start believing that something is worthy of excitement and therefore

Images: Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci (left), edex.adobe.com (right)

Content warning: mention of anxiety.

dedication, even though the initial feelings may be dread or ambivalence. Sometimes, you can tuck excitement inside to savour in small portions afterwards, when you’re certain it won’t be spoiled. It’s still excitement, just not anticipatory or tethered to a specific time period. I remember being ridiculously happy after a final project at the MIT Media Lab. I walked under the centre of the dome at 77 Mass Ave and stared at its gorgeous glass ceiling, feeling my future swell up inside me. I climbed one of the pillars, a custodian asked me to hop down and I did, but no practical care in the world could bring me down from the moment. I feel lucky every day for living at SCoop. Here are some things you will find in our kitchen: leftovers from chocolate ganache made for Prof. Armstrong’s dinner visit, not one but

seven artistic birthday notes, various comics and puns, three helium balloons, sunflowers in a jar labeled “Flour,” a party music box that gets played at odd hours through the day, a jar for compliments, a ceiling mural of PJ and Michelle Obama as Michelangelo’s “The Creation of Adam”, and lists of norms, grocery items, quotes, and icebreakers. SCoop celebrates, often. Here, it’s difficult to not be excited for other people’s happiness, or in appreciation of their presence. There is a rush of adrenaline every time I head to the Distribution Center to sign off a proof for Counterpoint. I keep one of these first copies every time, sometimes still warm from the press. It’s special and it’s real, the cross-legged lunch meetings at Tower, the hours of InDesign, debates about content warnings and punctuation, as well as silly nonsense condensed into 16-page volumes. No hoots or cheers,

only vague subversion and a passion for Wellesley’s thoughts. I wasn’t excited about jumping into the lake the first evening of orientation, but I’ve circled it many times since. I’ve come to love the campus up close, and from a perspective. It feels unfair to bottle up my experience at Wellesley, label it and put it on a shelf together with photos, dried flowers, and my diploma. If I’m not excited about graduation, it’s only because I’d rather not exhibit favouritism among the days on my calendar; each day here and beyond is precious in its own way. Charlotte Yu ’17 (cyu3@wellesley.edu) still makes embarrassing French mistakes.

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CAMPUS LIFE

Growing with Wellesley

B Y K A N I K A VA I S H

It’s two weeks into my first year at Wellesley, and I find myself sobbing in the middle of the night in the quad courtyard. I won’t get into why I was crying—it would take me a long time to explain. But most Wellesley students know that there are few places on campus where you can cry and keep to yourself. In the middle of my senior year, I am taking a walk around Lake Waban, thinking about impending graduation, and sense a rush of tears. For a moment, I’m alone. Just as I begin to feel comfortable crying, a few older women and their dogs pass by, and some members of the track team sprint past me, barely panting. My private moment has been interrupted and I am reminded of how out of shape I am. From experiences like these two, I’ve gotten to know Wellesley as not just a place, but as a person. Wellesley is kind. page 10

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She lets you cry in front of her—in fact, she won’t let you cry anywhere else. She walks alongside you as you make your way back to your res hall at three in the morning from Clapp or when you get off the Peter Pan from Boston. She joins you when you’re sitting alone at lunch—or she gives you space. Maybe you need to do six readings with her before your next class starts in twenty minutes. If you’re like me, you probably do. Wellesley is honest. She lets you know that you should have spent more time on your paper as you rush to deliver it to your professor. She tells you how you should have gotten more sleep the night before, because you can’t stay awake during your exam. She reminds you to call your parents, and you do it. Or you don’t. She’ll keep reminding you. Wellesley knows you well. She sees

you in some of your darkest moments: being unkind to yourself, failing a class you know you could have done better in, having your heart broken, breaking someone else’s heart, losing a loved one, falling out of touch with family or friends, losing your appetite, forgetting to shower for three days, sitting on your bed at six in the morning when you haven’t started work but instead, you’re on the tenth episode of How to Get Away with Murder and the sun is starting to rise. But you can feel her beaming at you in your brightest moments too. She attends your events, your parties, your plays, she applauds the loudest at your Tanner presentation, she makes sure you don’t sleep through your alarm the morning of your interview, and then she makes you one of the most confident, qualified applicants to walk into the room. When

Images: Photography by Tina Xu '17 (left), Doodle by Charlotte Yu '17 (right)

Content warning: implication of depression

you graduate, she stays in touch. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard. So, who is Wellesley? Who is this nurturing soul? Wellesley is the people with whom we surround ourselves. To me, Wellesley is all of you. One of my favorite things about the class of 2017 is our genuine belief in one another’s capabilities. In my time at Wellesley, there are some things I aimed to improve. For example, I wanted to make our theater scene more inclusive and representative of all the voices on our campus. My fellow seniors, having dealt with their own dissatisfactions at Wellesley, all encouraged me to pour my heart and soul into this project after —and this was crucial—validating that my concerns were real and should be addressed. I am inspired to pursue the necessary and important because I see my classmates doing the same thing every single day. Like many Wellesley students, members of the class of 2017 speak up for what we believe to be true. We make our frustration productive by ensuring that our voices are heard, challenged, and strengthened through constant dialogue. When we want to get a point across, we get creative. This year alone, we’ve seen compelling videos, provocative poster campaigns, passionate performances, and moving protests. We engage faculty, guest speakers, and students of all backgrounds to help us bring a more comprehensive vision of equality and justice to life. And when the world is not afraid to show just how prejudiced it really is, we stay strong, and we continue to foster a sense of hope, belonging, and siblinghood, especially for the voices at Wellesley who are typically silenced. When I think of the class of 2017, I think about our resilience, our bravery, and our compassion. And, of

course, our good looks. My friends from high school tell me how different I am. They tell me that I’m not as fun as I used to be, that I’ve become more outspoken. But I could not be more proud of how I have changed in the past four years. Here, I am growing in all the right ways. I am more thoughtful and supported because of all of you, because of the relationships and networks each one of us has cultivated during our time here. Why was I so upset that day when I was walking around the lake? I was worried that leaving Wellesley would mean I would lose my support system and my sense of self. But I have come to realize this will not be the case. Wellesley has taught me how to be raw. Now, I cry in front of other people, and I feel more honest for it. I feel connected to other students sharing these experiences with me. I feel heard, valued, and loved, and I am confident that this spirit of Wellesley will only build as we continue on. Congratulations, Class of 2017. We did it, and there’s no stopping us now. Kanika Vaish '17 (kvaish@wellesley.edu) hopes that no matter what, we stay raw and resilient for our lifelong companion, Wellesley.

counterpoint / may 2017

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CAMPUS LIFE

50 Things I Did Before I Graduated That I Should

Not Have Done But Nonetheless Do Not Regret

B Y A L LY S O N L A RC O M

veryone talks about the infamous “50 Things” list at Wellesley. In four years here, many of us have checked off a lot of those quintessential Wellesley adventures. A few of us have really done all fifty. All of us, however, have had many, many adventures that don't appear on that famous list. As I leave this place, I decided to make a list of my own, featuring a few of the things I’ve done that aren’t featured (and probably shouldn’t be featured) on the official 50 Things list. Without further ado, here's my personal list: 1. Attended an “alt-Naked Party” with maybe twenty people in someone’s Claflin single

day during finals week to see a play 11. Convinced my best friend from another school to come to Remix with me by telling her that it was “a really fun, chill party” 12. Stopped and petted most of the dogs I met without asking their owners first 13. Attempted to use an at-home waxing kit 14. Developed a strong affinity for Irish coffee while abroad 15. Went out to dinner with my family at the end of the day on Marathon Monday

2. Got a Tinder

16. Became a regular at the Soldiers Field Road IHOP

3. Deleted Tinder, only to download Tinder again

17. Helped someone house sit for a drug dealer

4. Streaked barefoot across Sev Green during the infamous Snowpocalypse of 2015

18. Got a little too rowdy at Bingo Night

5. Brought a prospie tunneling 6. Had a “lightsaber fight” in Lulu with umbrellas 7. Found two half-finished bottles of liquor in the Sustainable Move-Out bins and finished them off 8. Fell deeply in love with a straight girl— lather, rinse, repeat 9. Took several midnight beach trips 10. Went to New York City for a whole page 12

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19. Dropped raw bacon on the ground in front of the Shakes Haus, but cooked and ate it anyway 20. Hid out in the library after closing time and stood on top of the tables at 3AM 21. Got lost in the Science Center at 1AM playing Sardines 22. Got high with a friend and ordered all the appetizers from both Shanghai Tokyo and Lemon Thai, ate everything 23. Convinced a friend to go to the Guinness Storehouse in Dublin

Images: youtube.com. usatoday.com, Allyson Larcom ’17 (left), raccoon.reviews, usatoday.comcom, westoffrayleigh.co.uk. Samantha English ’19 (right)

Content warning: mention of substance use

24. Performed a hex by burning a piece of spam in the Lulu fire pit

39. Used the phrase "Jug O' Sang" to refer to large bottles of sangria

25. Kept referring to a mouse in a Brookline bakery as “my mouse friend” and going back to visit when I should have regarded it as a health code violation

40. Poured six shots of espresso in a cup and drank it all

26. Accidentally crashed a stranger's 32nd birthday party in Boston 27. Gave pizza to a stranger outside Machine 28. Got punched in the face at Machine 29. Worked at Gusto!1 30. Tried to feed Doritos to one of the campus raccoons 31. Went to The Burren on St. Paddy’s Day and complimented a stranger’s boobs in the bathroom 32. Got overly-invested in a Norwegian teen drama 33. Let a complete stranger on Snapchat (username Daddy) call me “my Irish queen” 34. Put an inflatable couch on Lake Waban 35. Thesised 36. Let my mother meet my friends 37. Started texting all my friends in the style of Scottish Twitter 38. Didn’t check my email for six days (wait a minute, I definitely regret this one…)

41. Suggested I’d be attracted to the anthropomorphized version of the Government Center T Stop 42. Fought the geese 43. Went to Dirt Party 44. Started a Yik Yak fight by posting a shitpost claiming Kim Bottomly’s real name was “Swamp Bottom” 45. Memorized John Mulaney's "OOH DUCKLINGS!" bit with my little (we can recite it like the twins from The Shining) 46. Had an El Table tab of over $100 47. Never learned how to do layout for Counterpoint (sorry, Roz!) 48. Wrote 100 pages of fanfiction in 8 days 49. Told a story about nipples so bad I can now make people leave the room by just mentioning it 50. Wrote out this list of 50 things and shared it publicly with the entire campus Allyson Larcom ’17 (alarcom@wellesley. edu) is likely going to keep making vaguely regrettable choices after she graduates. #NoRagrets! See the issue of Counterpoint from April 2016 for the full story 1

counterpoint / may 2017

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SENIOR TRIBUTE

CAMPUS LIFE

How One Likes Oneself

B Y C O U N T E R P O I N T S TA F F

Content warning: mention of depression, suicidal thoughts, and overexercising

wo months ago, my psychiatrist asked me if I like myself, and the question caught me off guard. After giving it barely sufficient thought, I very confidently told him that I like myself when I am an industrious student who follows a healthy diet and a rigorous exercise routine, that I rarely fail my own expectations, and so I must like myself. More recently he asked me what I like in myself, and my brain went blank. I thought about the answers up for candidacy—smartness, humor, style— and I saw nothing that I care about. At least, not anymore. Some weeks ago, I thought about taking my own life. That familiar feeling struck from eight years ago, and I had never learned how to deal with the situation. As I was crying in my bed, I blamed myself for everything: why do I have to be a lesbian? Why do I overcommit? Why do I make life harder when it already is so hard? Why can’t I just take things lightly? Why do I care so much? Then, I was exhausted from crying and everything was better when I fell asleep. Luckily, Wellesley has offered me the greatest friends I could have ever asked for, and thanks to their help I am recovering well from my previous cycle of

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depression naps and self-destructive ideas. I guess this goes with many other stories filled with great pain: I learned an important lesson, one that I am grateful I learned before sailing off into the real world. I have learned that I used to judge people very harshly and held myself up to an even more ridiculous bar. All that judgment was only good to determine who appears to have a better life, instead of who lives a better life. I have also learned that letting go of things I am not particularly good at is not a sign of weakness. I finally accepted that sometimes I put in a lot of effort, still get less than what I expect in return, and I should simply let it slide. Really. No one cares. Sometimes I wonder if the culture at Wellesley is partly to blame for mental health issues here, and at other times I question if the blame is partly on us for being the intense Wellesley people we are. But looking back at the kid I was four years ago, all I truly asked for from college were amazing friendships and fulfilling classes. I got even more than what I wanted: Wellesley also instilled in me the need to always put in 100% of my effort. I am profoundly lost as to where I should put all my effort in, but that’s not one of

my top concerns. I cannot thank Wellesley enough for the loving friendships it has let me foster, the enlightened feelings faculty members have given me in lectures, and the beautiful landscape the campus consoles me with so often. But towards the end of my senior year, I am the most grateful for my recent realizations. I hope that one day I can like myself and love myself with the same effort I put into reading Descartes and getting up by 5:20 to fucking over-exercise. I wrote this piece hoping that students not graduating this year would take things easier, but then a wise friend (with beautiful green-yellow-orange-ish eyes, a perfect hairdo, a superior mind, and a loving heart) reminded me that I had been ignoring that exact advice from her for the past two (or three?) years until depression hit me hard. Still, I am optimistic that my smart Wellesley successors can make better decisions and choose to be happy by practicing some self-love.

Chloe Xiao ’17 (sxiao@wellesley.edu) looks forward to getting a Shiba Inu and a ginger cat after graduation.

Images: huffingtonpost.com (left), mahou-lolita.tumblr.com, wallpapersafari.com, top1price.com, Samantha English '19, Charlotte Yu '17 (right)

BY CHLOE XIAO

lly, 'sup Grandpa. Our meme queen, our YA wizard, our beautiful Utahn ogress. Your presence in this org has been like a shooting star yeeting across the universe. We can say with certainty that there is no other Wellesley student like you: super passionate about fiction (whether on screen or on the page), an affinity for Internet culture (the good and the bad), ready to have the tough conversations, or be a shoulder to lean on. From introducing us to wonderful people to tarot card readings, we are so glad that we were able to spend the last year and a half with you. Thank you so much for keeping Counterpoint meme-fresh with everything

from awful summer job stories, involving vagina sandwiches, to H. Swamp Bottom. :^) Hopefully, one day, we can rent that Winnebago and night-zoom across the country with our friends to do that one thing we love most: talking about our novels until the end of time. Thank you for being unapologetically you and doing your best to make Counterpoint not only a welcoming community, but a kickass magazine. You are the Shrek to our donkey, the horse to our dog, the Bill Clinton to our Ellen Stanton, the Mr. Finch to our ducks. We love you, 'ya big nerd. Thank you for dragging us deeper into meme hell.

HARLOTTE, YOU SWEET, WONDERFUL FAIRY. How are you even real, oh my God? You’re such a talented, patient person and we appreciate all the ~adobe suite~ skills you have passed down to us. Every meeting, layout, and e-board review—you’re the one who knows what’s going on when everyone else is in chaos. Not only do you keep all of us grounded at meetings with your quiet calm, in just one semester you have made us consider totally different perspectives and ideas that we have never even thought about before. We will so miss seeing you when we stop by SCoop. It has been a joy introducing you to the latest memes and to the pinnacle of high quality media that is the Shrek anthology. Between impromptu dance lessons during layout, Trident trivia, and collaborating to create peak Aesthetic™ for the magazine, we will always treasure the memories we've made with you. You are such a wonderful leader and we know you will bring your passion for vague subversion wherever you go. Wellesley will miss you: your insight and your empathy. And we will miss you: your layout expertise and your artistic inclination are invaluable. Counterpoint is a more special place for having had Charlotte Yu. I LOVE YOU, YOU ANGEL WITHOUT WINGS. With love, Counterpoint Staff

counterpoint / may 2017

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Image: Charlotte Yu '17

CROSSWORD

green class of 2017 page 16

counterpoint / may 2017

ACROSS 3. Graduate you must. 6. The namesake for a 1922 American novel, this man is really into a certain green light. 8. It isn’t easy being green. 10. What made Popeye strong? 13. The pop star who just released “Green Light” as the first single off her new album. 15. Red means stop, green means ___. 16. The green-eyed monster. 17. The green anise-flavored spirit, rumored to grant visions. 19. Is not a _______ color. 20. This fella literally lives in a trash can, like many of the seniors come move out day. 23. Come here once a semester for smoothies, mugdecorating, and a light show! 26. His Teen Titan BFF was Cyborg. 27. The leader of the Totally Spies who rocks a form fitting green suit. 32. It’s time to try defying gravity. 34. The ______ green giant. 36. The greenest (and most alcoholic) of holidays. 38. A little girl named Anne Shirley comes to call this place home. 39. I do not like them, Sam-I-am! 40. Everyone’s favorite mean, green ogre. 41. Peter Parker’s first arch-nemesis (of the Tobey Maguire era). 42. Jennifer Aniston’s role on F.R.I.E.N.D.S. 43. The green website that’s almost as addictive as Netflix. 44. Raphael, Donatello, Michaelangelo, and Leonardo.

DOWN 1. Giant, green, Japanese monster. 2. In Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale, these older women wear green and work in households as domestic help. 4. Home of the Green Monster. 5. What periodic element turns fire green? 7. His heart grew three sizes that day! 9. If your first-year orientation plant is still alive, then you know you’ve got a _____. 11. The greenest city in the world (or at least one of the top ten). 12. The capital city of Greenland. 14. Home of the other Green Monstah (the sandwich, not the wall). 15. In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil’s might beware my power, ________’s light! 18. The Class of 2017’s green orientation theme. 19. It’s what makes plants green. 21. The green, vaguely peppermint “milkshake” McDonalds produces every March. 22. Green Day’s pivotal album. 23. He shot first. Maybe. 24. A bright green gemstone. 25. The CW’s angstiest green-hooded archer vigilante. 28. That’s my secret, Cap. I’m always angry! 29. Zoe Saldana in Guardians of the Galaxy. 30. Wellesley’s greenest method of transportation. 31. Your favorite green frog meme that’s not a muppet. 33. The green-tailed mermaid who wanted to be “part of that world.” 35. Mary Shelley’s real monster. 37. What does green symbolize on the gay pride flag?

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Favorite dining hall?

POLL

senior exit poll

“Never let me go Wellesley!” • “Trying new things is scary but so worth it!” • “I’m so gay but I’ve never dated anyone bc I’m shy/ have no social skillz” • “Coming to Wellesley was the best decision I’ve ever taken. I’ve grown as a person and made some wonderful friends here, though I can’t say I’ll miss all the stress, anxiety, and crying I’ve done here. It’s been a long, hard, but rewarding road and there will always be a very special place in my heart for this campus and my time spent here.” • “milk the shit out of the school & their boundless resources (apply to grants, fellowships, go to lectures, etc etc)” • “You’ll enjoy Wellesley more if you do less.” • “I wouldn’t trade the Wellesley experience for anything. Absolutely worth all of the sweat, pain and tears.” • “don’t get bogged down by academics, have more fun, be more wild” • “put your own happiness and well-being first!!! u are worth it!!!” • “<3 Wellesley” • “Remember that you’re doing just fine.” • “Relationships are ALWAYS more important than work. You have value apart from what you are able to produce. And finally, fuck capitalism.” • “Best four years of my life” • “make wellesley gay again” • “Don’t let this place take away your joy! Find happiness in the little things and don’t compare yourself to others around you.” • “go class of 2020 you brought so much more chill and enjoying life to Wellesley” • “I LOVE YOU WELLESLEY.” • “good luck surviving on this food” • “Live Fast, Have Fun, Blue Nation Does it Well(esley)” • “Thanks for these four years, they’ve transformed who I am as a person, how I see the world, and how I see myself in this world.” • “2017, what an honor. Thank you for the best years of my life.” • “3 cheers to 3 good years and 1 really shitty one” • “Don’t let campus po or campus culture get you down - importantly, don’t call po on your sibs who are having a good time. It’s hard to be happy here, let’s not limit that happiness for others.” • “Bye bye Wellesley :’(” • “I made the right choice coming here” • “I love this place so much.” • “kiss more girls”

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Other 8

0-10 6

11-20 7

41-50 11

Lulu 25 21-30 29

31-40 18 Image: Christy Galloway ’17

Any parting thoughts you’d like to share?

Stone-Davis 13

How many of the “50 Things to Do Before You Graduate” have you completed? Pomeroy 18

Tower 18

One thing you wish you had done while at Wellesley:

“Studied more with friends” • “I have no ragrets” • “Gone to more LipSync” • “more Boston” • “Taken a language I have never learned before.” • “Dated someone” • “Taken econ credit/non.” • “taken korean classes so i could actually talk with my parents more in-depth” • “Joined Dead Serious” • “date more girlz” • “Taken more MIT classes and met with Professors more.” • “met more people my own year” • “joined a gayer org” • “joined a performance org of some kind” • “taken a MIT/Olin class” • “Everything I didn’t do” • “Ridden in a campus po car” • “Taken more studio art classes” • “take more humanities courses” • “Joined the Wellesley News” • “Explored my sexuality” • “Gotten over myself sooner so that I could enjoy my life” • “gotten off campus and out of my comfort zone more” • “chill the fuck out” • “Joined a society” • “I wish I had participated more in the First Year Orientation events and other Wellesley traditions. I was having a hard time when first year started and kind of isolated myself. I’m sad that I didn’t do the Lake Jump, or step-singing. I have a lot regrets about not being as emotionally invested in Wellesley and in my class at the beginning of my time at Wellesley.” • “fucked a teacher” • “Joined more orgs” • “taken more random classes, complain less” • “camped out under the stars, by the lake” • “stayed for a summer. gone to someone else’s graduation” • “Been a super senior“ • “Gone up to Galen Stone Tower” • “Loved myself more” • “Taken more classes in a bigger variety of subjects” • “Run for class council” • “More items on the 50 Things to Do list” • “Went to more lectures/events” • “Lived in a quad” • “A Ruhlman or Tanner” • “More independent studies!” • “Applied to El Table” • “chosen friends over school a bit more.” • “I wish i partied more” • “Made a mark” • “More lectures” • “Been in a normal, sweet relationship.” • “kissed more girls” • “Less of my homework”

Other 4 Bates 5

Best campus-wide occasion? Spring Week 3 Flower Sunday 5 Lake Day 4 Fall Frenzy 1 Tanner 2 Ruhlman 2

Best place to study?

Other 18 Clapp 31

Marathon Monday 64 Your Room 15

Science Center Common Rooms 9 3 Pendleton 1

Lulu 3

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