...& a few good men

I knew I wasn’t going to like the rest of the note when I saw these words written in a fine hand on the envelope:

“From Randy, your friendly raccoon neighbor who wonders if it ever occurred to you that we were here long before you arrived, buddy boy.”

THE NOTE READ:

“Remember those nice healthy, thriving vegetable plants...you know, the zucchini, butternut, and acorn squash; the crispy cukes; succulent sweet peppers; even the garish gourds and those majestic marigolds.? Recall, if you will, how you were almost relieved they had somehow survived our annual banquets?

By the way, it did not escape our notice that you meant it when you said you had given up on planting sweet corn. Bad idea. We took that rather personally. You may say you didn’t intend it that way... have to tell you, that rings just a little hollow to these perked-up ears.

Be that as it may, fine with us if you just write off our little garden party at your place to coincidence. Yeah, like, duh. That’s what coincidence is, eh? Shame you couldn't attend... still, you lay a bountiful table. Or did.

Anyhow, wander out to (what used to be) your gardens. Have a look. Bring a hanky.

Full disclosure: I did have a little help from my friends: thank you, rabbits, ground hogs, possums and deer for cleaning up the less delectable leftovers.

Your friendly neighbor who knows where you live,

Randy Racoon

SUBMITTED BY BILL HANEY