W42ST Magazine Issue 10 - Hell's Kitchen Nights by W42ST Magazine

CONTENTS October Edition Some people think of fall as a time of decay. Falling leaves, the death of summer. In truth, there’s no better season. When else can you light Jack o’ lanterns and eat pumpkin pie til you puke? Go trick or treating? Throw costume parties? The darker evenings are a sign to turn up the fun dial to ten. October, we’re ready for you. Bring on the bars, the bands, the culture – high and low! Bring on the comedy, the movies, and the superheroes that save the day! W42ST is a start-up business that needs your support. If after reading about a service in the magazine or on our social media, you give them a try, let them know. Tell them face-to-face, or on social media use the #W42STSENTME hashtag. THE TEAM THAT BROUGHT YOU W42ST

PUBLISHER PHIL O’BRIEN

phil@w42st.com

(646) 535-4407 SENIOR ART ED LEE CAPLE lee@w42st.com

ED-IN-CHIEF SIMON KIRRANE simon@w42st.com

SOCIAL MEDIA ED SANDRA MANGAN

sandra@w42st.com

ED RUTH WALKER ruth@w42st.com

(646) 847-9645 SALES DIRECTOR MARISSA SPANO

marissa@w42st.com (929) 428-0767

CONTRIBUTORS CIERA COYAN DR TAMA LANE IAN TD SMITH HILLARY REEVES IGNACIO GUEVARA

ORTAL MIZRAHI VINENT SZE COREY CANNATARO MATT D’SILVA ROBIN RILEY

CARLA DUVAL ADRIEN POTIER ILONA LIEBERMAN BROOKE BLOCKER

14 COMMUNITY

here. If you want to sign up too, email sticker@w42st.com.

6 NUMBERS GAME

74 PHOTO FINISH

Facts, figures and trivia - Hell’s Kitchen, we’ve got your number.

7 NEWS

All the local gossip in one place. Read all about it.

WHAT’S GOING ON

9 JACI STEPHEN

14 MAKING OF MARVEL

Drawing inspiration from her latest TV crush.

10 MY HELL’S KITCHEN

The inspiration behind Seinfeld character Cosmo Kramer comes clean.

12 OUT & ABOUT

Daredevil’s costume designer reveals the superhero’s (and villain’s) wardrobe secrets.

18 EVENTS

Our diary of happenings, from theater to film to family fun, is the only guide you’ll need this month.

Art at The OUT, and New York Fashion Week comes to Pier 94 – our photographers captured all the action.

20 THE WINNERS ARE ...

56 GALLERY

24 LIGHTS, CAMERA ...

Anyone with an eye for a picture and a half-decent cameraphone could have their work in our mag. Hashtag your pics #W42ST, we’ll do the rest.

70 DIRECTORY All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be used without written permission of the publisher ©2015. Please note: Every effort has been made to avoid errors, misspellings, and omissions in this publication. However, if you spot one please accept our sincere apologies.

Mugging the old-fashioned way, as demonstrated by your friendly neighborhood street urchins.

Local businesses that have signed up to the #W42ST sticker get listed

The winning entries to our West Side Stories monologue challenge with Tentsquare are published in full. The stars come out for the 53rd New York Film Festival. Who’ll be on the red carpet this year?

26 ARTS PREVIEWS

All the big names coming to Hell’s Kitchen this month. Get the gossip right here, right now.

50 28 THE JOKER

The irrepressibly politically incorrect Colin Quinn talks race, Jerry Seinfeld, and the evolution of Hell’s Kitchen.

32 PHOTO ESSAY

A night in the life of our colorful neighborhood, as seem through the lens of the W42ST photographers.

38 STAR SIGNS

Which sign of the zodiac hits the energy jackpot in Hell’s Kitchen? Find out here.

EATING & DRINKING 40 PUMPKIN PATCH

45 COCKTAIL

REAL ESTATE 47 SECRET AGENT

Our rental expert Ian TD Smith knows how not to get caught out by the agents’ tricks of the trade.

48 REALTY TV

Next Step Realty NYC star Matt Bauman discusses getting a great deal ... and the woman who is his most famous inspiration.

This is the perfect time of year to drink pumpkin beer. But which one is the one for you? Ciera Coyan knows you better than you know yourself.

50 LET IN THE LIGHT

41 STAFF SURVEY

54 IT’S A GIFT

The OUT’s Dugaldo Estrada knows where the after party’s at. Ask him nicely ...

43 WINE SENSE

Three simple steps to enjoying your wine a little more. That’s right – it could be even better!

and yoga from Pier 84. It’s a workout with the best view in the city!

The Press Lounge serves up its Halloween special. You’re in for a real treat.

Inside the stunning penthouse apartment where it’s always summer. Little somethings that mean everything.

HEALTH & FITNESS 58 GYM ON THE HUDSON

We test drive paddleboard bootcamp

61 DATING COVER Taylor Bowen is a pop surrealist artist and a born and bred New Yorker. He enjoys experimenting with different mediums and techniques, and recently he and his girlfriend, artist Kristy Elena, completed a four wall mural at Kiabacca on 45th St - 10th Ave. See more of his work at hausriot. com and on Instagram: @hausriot.

Mary Geneva’s tales from the shallow end of the Manhattan dating pool.

63 GET CONNECTED

Why our need for constant digital connection could damage our relationships in the real world.

PETS 64 WAGGING TALES

More gems of wisdom spilt from the jaws of Hell’s Kitchen pooches. Get involved by emailing waggingtales@ w42st.com.

67 MEET DINA

The first column by our resident dog walker, who’ll be dishing the dirt on her canine charges.

68 CREATURE COMFORTS

Cats and dogs have never had it so good – here’s our gift guide for your furry friends. This month they get in on the Halloween fun.

COMMUNITY

Do you have something going on in Hell’s Kitchen? Tell us all about it news@w42st.com

MADE IN HELL’S KITCHEN N

ed Martin has lived and worked as a full-time artist in Hell’s Kitchen for five years, though his exhibitions and collections take him all over the world – Florence, Taipei, Istanbul, Barcelona, Israel, Toronto. Last month, however, he was much closer to home, when he took part in the Affordable Art Fair at The Metropolitan Pavilion in NYC. “An art fair like this presents an array of challenges from an artist’s perspective,” he says. “First, I need to stand out from more than 1,000 artists. I also have to produce smaller paintings that fall within their price guidelines — half of which must be under $5,000.”

“I am anchored by the sense of community in HK. I love running into friends everywhere in the neighborhood.”

New to market

Above: Velocity by Ned Martin.

His primary artistic medium is oil, his genre ‘abstract photorealism’, using bold colors combined with geometric shapes and figures to create striking images. “Creativity is wrought from freedom and trust,” he says, “much like standing on the ledge and taking that leap of faith and trusting you are not going to fall. For me, there is a creative realm that exists somewhere between urban clutter

and sprawling rural vistas. There are no landmarks, not inroads, no maps to get me there.” He counts the likes of Homer and Turner a his influences, but he also finds that his creativity flourishes in this neighborhood. “There is an old saying, ‘If you want something done, give it to a busy person.’ There is an akin truth to where you live. If you want to get something done, live where things are happening.” He adds: “At the same time, I am anchored by the sense of community in Hell’s Kitchen. I love running into friends everywhere in the neighborhood or buying fruit on the street from David, an egg on a roll from Muhammad at the corner bodega, a Greek pastry from Lili at Poseidon Bakery. My favorite haunts to meet friends are the wine bars like Wine Escape and Adella — some of my artwork hangs in both places.” www.nedmartinart.com

John Baeder is celebrated for his nostalgic paintings of America’s roadside diners. His oil of the Market Diner on 11th Ave - 43rd St illustrated our feature in issue 6 (below), and now a hotly anticipated collection of work is to be published this month. John Baeder’s A Road Well Taken is a hardcover, 272-page tome of beautiful imagery out on October 20, and will be available through Amazon. A song has even been written about him. Listen to it here (bit.ly/1MEvZ38), order your eggs over easy, and enjoy it with a side order of unique photorealistic history, capturing a time when these mom-and-pop eateries were the very heart and soul of US communities.

DID YOU KNOW ... Marvel Comics started life right here in Hell’s Kitchen, at the McGraw-Hill Building

(the Art Deco Tower), 330 W42nd St, in October 1939. The first issue featured

Carl Burgos’ Human Torch, and Bill Everett’s anti-hero Namor the Sub-Mariner.

JACI STEPHEN

YOU BE THE JUDGE Jaci gets intimate with her favorite TV crush

ell’s Kitchen is second home to Miami’s Judge Alex Ferrer, a regular in town when he appears on Fox’s Outnumbered. Host of the courtroom show Judge Alex for nine years, he can now be found commentating on pretty much every news station out there. Favorite haunts include Mickey Spillane’s (W49th St - 9th Ave) and Mr Biggs (W43rd St - 10th Ave), and he can often be spotted hanging out with one of the owners, his good mate Richie. He has a huge fan base – many of them women, commentating on his exceptional good looks. On his last visit, I decided to try to capture him on paper for you. Check out the real pic. You’d never know the difference, would you? Judge Alex says it’s like looking in a mirror.

Right: Handsome, debonair ... and nothing like Jaci’s sketch (below).

EXERCISE REGIME: Running and weights. FAVORITE MUSIC: Any, depending on mood.od PETS: Dog, Tyson; saltwater aquarium fish. FAVORITE WOMEN: Short, dark Welsh birds.

THINGS I LEARNED BEFORE THE OFFICIAL END OF SUMMER

It rains in Wales all the time now, as opposed to the 320 days when I was living there.

One should not attempt to run up an escalator the wrong way after the age of 50. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

of the men I’ve pulled this month is a heartbreaking 148!

There are no available men left in the world. Anywhere. I am running out of countries. And continents. The combined age

I love Gotham West, where I live. I love sunsets over the Hudson. I love Manhattan. And I love Hell’s Kitchen. I really missed all of it while travelling over summer. Fall? Bring it on!

Tom Jones is not the only singer to have emerged from Wales, you know, and my countrymen will be out in force on October 19 in Birdland to hear another of our greats, Iris Williams OBE. Described by The New York Times as having “one of the most striking voices in all of cabaret,” she is an extraordinary, captivating performer who doesn’t just sing the tune but tells the story of every song. Wales, by the way, is a country in the United Kingdom, not the capital of England. Got it? I Wish You Love, 7pm, Broadway at Birdland, 315 W44th St, October 19 (www.birdlandjazz.com)

Do the math

BORN: Cuba. LIVES: Miami. HEIGHT: 6’1” NUMBER OF TWITTER FOLLOWERS: 53.5K. FAVORITE DRINK: Scotch. FAVORITE FOOD: Seafood, Mexican.

A US vodka martini has no martini in it, unlike a UK one, which has a quarter inch of the hard stuff at three times the price.

Luck of the Iris

I don’t know whether to be pleased or disturbed that I was only four over in the Guess The Number Of Corks In The Pyramid competition at Grand Cru Wines and Spirits. The closest runner-up was 400 out. I know my math. Or my bottles. Here I am with manager Chris and my prize – a great bottle of rioja.

Salute the... is that my beer?

A yoga lesson at the Lansdowne Pub (W43rd St - 10th Ave) is my kind of exercise. Thanks to the lovely George for the prop.

Hounds of love

My favorite doggies spotted on 9th Ave. I want them all!

MY HELL’S KITCHEN

Know someone cool who’d make a great subject for My Hell’s Kitchen? Put us in touch, we’ll do the rest. Email news@w42st.com

WHAT COSMO DID NEXT? He inspired a classic comedy character - so now what for Kenny Kramer? Image by Ortal Mizrahi How long have you lived in Hell’s Kitchen? I moved to HK in November 1977. The building I moved into, Manhattan Plaza, was one of the first luxury residential high rises in all of HK. Now these 50 and 60-story luxury buildings are all over the neighborhood and it’s really screwing it up. But the thing that’s really pissing me off is the way these new buildings block the sun on what used to be the sundeck at the health club and how the river view from my terrace is being drastically reduced. I know what you’re thinking … boy, that Kramer is a petty and selfish bastard. Guilty as charged! What brought you here? I was working as a stand-up comedian in Coconut Grove, FL, and was a single parent of a six-year-old daughter. In 1977, I took my daughter to New Jersey to spend some time with her grandmother while I did a gig in Philadelphia. We were scheduled to return to Miami on Monday, when Sunday’s New York Times real-estate section had an article about a new luxury high-rise, federally subsidized building for performing artists. I canceled my flight and went to 42nd St - 9th Ave to check out this opportunity. It seemed too good to be true, but that was the deal. You had to prove you made 70% of your livelihood for three consecutive years as a performing artist in order to qualify for this housing. Having done nothing but stand-up for the previous seven years, I was eminently qualified and in November of 1977, my daughter and I moved into our beautiful two-bedroom, two-bath apartment. What has your experience of the neighborhood been? When I moved into HK, it was the old HK,

“I know what you’re thinking … boy, that Kramer is a petty and selfish bastard. Guilty as charged!”

What’s your favorite place locally? My apartment. (You can’t get any more local than that.)

well before Theatre Row existed. In fact, the south side of 42nd St - between 9th and 10th Avenue was basically a red-light district. Nearly every business on that side of the street was adult related: porno theaters, dirty book stores, massage parlors, and peep shows. Hookers cruised up and down the block day and night, and I can’t begin to tell you … how much I miss the old neighborhood!

And the worst thing? The gentrification and the loss of businesses and business owners that I used to enjoy frequenting. Let’s have a moment of silence in memory of Joe’s Fruits (W41st St - 9th Ave), Alps Pharmacy (W42nd St - 9th), Curtain Up restaurant, Wok & Roll, the Original Ollie’s on 44th St, Me Noodle (9th Ave - 52nd St), Zen Palate … the list goes on. Thank goodness Poseidon Greek Bakery and Millie and Paul are still with us.

How has it changed since you came here? Not only has the neighborhood gentrified, but it has totally yuppified. The really sad part is that all the mom and pop shops are gone. When their leases were up, their rents were increased from like $2,500 a month to $15,000 a month. All the brands moved in: Starbucks, McDonald’s, Chipotle, etc. It’s kind of a bummer, but I guess that’s the price of progress. What do you eat in the area? I eat in West Bank Café and Theatre Row Diner more often then others. For pizza, I go to Claudio’s on 10th Ave. It’s more expensive than all the $1 a slice places opening around the area but the difference in flavor and quality is money well spent. What local bars or cafes would you recommend? West Bank for food and drink. Mr. Biggs for sports and beer.

What’s the best thing about HK living? Its proximity to the theater and the fact that it is so centrally located. I can get to just about anywhere in Manhattan on my bicycle in 20 minutes or less.

How do you think the neighborhood compares to other areas of Manhattan? In most of Manhattan, if you are not lucky enough to have rent control or rent stabilization, it has become a very expensive place to live. What do you admire in the neighborhood? Great restaurants are continually opening and healthy food options are becoming fashionable. The greenway along the Hudson is a great place to ride your bike, in-line skate and just stroll. Do you have an HK secret? You can trust us ... we won’t tell a soul … Sorry, no secrets, my life is an open book. All I need now is a publisher. (Anyone got any ideas?)

BIOG

For six years Larry David lived across the hall from Kenny. One day, Jerry Seinfeld asked Larry for help creating a TV show. Jerry became famous, Larry became George, and Kenny became Cosmo Kramer. For the past 19 years, Kenny has been the host of Kramer’s Reality Tour and Kramer’s Reality Road Show, in which he entertains people with the behindthe-scenes Seinfeld story. Kenny’s HK West Bank Café, W42nd St - 9th Ave Theatre Row Diner, W42nd St - Dyer Claudio’s Pizzeria, 10th Ave - 43rd St Mr. Biggs, 10th Ave - 43rd St

www.kennykramer.com

COMMUNITY

OUT & ABOUT

If it’s happening in Hell’s Kitchen, we’ve got it covered JOSEPH CAVALIERI

hen contemporary imagery merges with the ancient art of stained glass, you get the beautiful work of Joseph Cavalieri. His International Year of De-Light installation was unveiled at The OUT Hotel last month. Incorporating modern day stories, imaginary landscapes, and contemporary figures from Jackie O and Isaac Hayes to the Simpsons, it will continue at the venue until March 2016.

IMAGES: PHIL O’BRIEN

Clockwise from above: Ivy Brown and Linda Mason; a visitor admires the artwork; Patti Carpenter, Arlene Berkowitz, and Debby Branch; Cloud of Agnes; Brave; Honest, Generous; Emily Young, Karen Romano Young, Joseph Cavalieri, and Lisa AustinSmith

COMMUNITY NEW YORK FASHION WEEK

he biannual fashion event moved home this season, from its old pad at Lincoln Center, to three swanky new locations: Skylight at Moynihan Station on W33rd St, MADE at Milk Studios, W15th St, and Skylight Clarkson Sq, Washington Street. But runway shows took place across the city, and we captured the bold and the beautiful as they made their way to the hotly anticipated 3.1 Philip Lim show at Pier 94.

IMAGES: PHIL O’BRIEN

Among the frow were Solange Knowles (above), fashion icon Iris Apfel (right), and Vogue Japan’s editor-at-large Anna Dello Russo (far right).

WHAT’S ON

Charlie Cox stars as Daredevil in the Netflix series based on the Marvel comic book character

“I love Matt Murdock’s conf licted character, I love who he is, I love how he came to be who he is, and that to me is real storytelling, it’s the stuff that intrigues me.” 14

TELEVISION

Costume designer for the Marvel series, Stephanie Maslansky, gets under the superhero’s skin as the comic book goes live

hen Stephanie Maslansky was tasked with bringing Matt Murdock – Hell’s Kitchen lawyer by day, superhero crime fighter by night – to life, she had more riding on the job that just her job a Netflix. She had the legion of Daredevil fans who had followed Murdock’s Marvel adventures watching her every move. No pressure. “Yes, we create new stories and embellish on the old ones, and take it into the current day,” says the costume designer, “but it’s important to pay homage and have respect for what exists and what the fans expect.” Happily, the response has been an almost resounding success. Rotten Tomatoes reported a 98% approval rating, while Metacritic gave it a score of 75 out of 100. So the response from both fans and critics has been pretty damned good. “And that makes me thrilled,” says Stephanie. “I didn’t grow up reading comics. But now I immerse myself in them and I have to say I love the Daredevil stories. I love Matt Murdock’s conflicted character, I love who he is, I love how he came to be who he is, and that to me is real storytelling, it’s the stuff that intrigues me. “I love flawed characters who consider what they’re doing and the ramifications.

Elements from Stephanie’s mood board, as she wrestled with the Daredevil superhero costume and mask.

TELEVISION

I have to get as close as possible to them, I have to imagine what I would do, how I would dress, the thought process.” Key to Daredevil, of course, is the vigilante costume – the mask with dark eyes and devil horns, the black-on-red body armor – requiring a whole back story about how on earth a blind guy in 2015 could put together such a combo. It’s not exactly off-the-shelf J Crew. “In the comics, he stitched it together from his father’s old boxing robes,” says Stephanie, “whereas we had to tell another story that made sense from a current point of view. So he did keep his father’s old robe, but when he realizes that uniform is not keeping him safe, he has to figure out how to get one that will. “I imagine, OK, he’s a blind guy, it’s 2015, he’s charming, and he’s handsome, and he’s flirtatious. So, on the one hand, he’s able to utilize his braille computer and find bits and pieces that way; on the other hand, he’s also able to get out. He goes to military stores and gets technical garb. Then, as far as his mask is concerned, he has to make it himself.” The series never shows Murdock actually creating the mask, but it was important for the process to be plausible. “Initially, I was in contact with Joe Quesada, who is not only the CCO of Marvel Television, but he’s also an incredible artist. That’s one of the interesting things about Marvel: it’s run by comic book artists, illustrators, writers – people who’ve been obsessed with the genre forever. So conceiving this with Joe Quesada and Jeph Loeb [head of Marvel Television] was the most exciting thing. “Joe draws what he imagines, I embellish, I make suggestions. I knew we had to come up with a mask that in real life

Mood board inspiration for the costumes of Matt Murdock, his best friend ‘Foggy’ Nelson, and Karen Page.

covered a sighted person’s eyes, but that would scare people into thinking, ‘How’s this guy even seeing what he’s doing?’ “I spent my first week at my kitchen table with fabrics I’d sourced, trying to figure out how I was going to do that. I tried them on my kids, I tried them on myself, and I experimented a lot.” Once she’d come up with a design she was happy with, the next step was to make multiple versions. “We have 10, 15, 20 replacement costumes,” she says. “One episode he might get slashed, and you do four takes, so already you need four. Then you move on to the next episode ...” When it came to Murdock’s daywear, there were other challenges. “I wanted to take what was illustrated in the late 1950s/early 1960s, and fortunately it’s a look that’s travelled well: we still see the button-down collar, the narrow ties, the narrow lapels. “Because he’s blind,” she adds, “I wanted texture to be a big part. He doesn’t see what he’s choosing and it needs to not matter what he takes out of his closet. As a result, his color palette is very limited. His suits are all charcoal greys, blacks, navy blues. Same with his ties. His shirts are either white, light blue, or light grey. And everything is very textural. This is not theater, but I always feel I’m designing for the back row.” Then there’s Wilson Fisk, played by Vincent d’Onofrio. “Here’s this character who is on the face of it evil but, at the same time, he’s trying to create a better world. It’s kind of like real life. He wants a better class of people – the wealthy and rich – to come into Hell’s Kitchen. He wants it to shine, but that means there’s a lot of people who can’t afford his vision.” All his suits had to be custom made.

“Vincent d’Onofrio is a formidable man,” says Stephanie. “The proportions – everything about him – is larger than life.” A pivotal part of his storyline – and his closet – is the cufflinks he wears. “These cufflinks belonged to his father,” says Stephanie. “And he killed his father when he was a child. His father was an abusive man. As a result, he wears the cufflinks every single day.” But what should those cufflinks look like? “I decided his father would most likely have been given these cufflinks in the late 1950s/early 1960s, which would have made them a solid, mid-century design,” says Stephanie. “We found a phenomenal pair and we had, of course, to make many pairs of them. We had them created and embellished ...” The end result is sterling silver, with an added stone. “They look like a pair of eyes, as though Fisk’s father is always watching him.” It’s not all about the men, of course, and Daredevil also has three strong female characters: Karen Page, who has a dark past; Vanessa, Fisk’s love interest; and Nurse Claire Temple, played by Rosario Dawson. “We had to bring them all from the past into the present and create these wardrobes that made sense. While Daredevil has now been commissioned for a second season, Stephanie has had to move on to her next Marvel projects. She’s just finished working on Jessica Jones and is now in the early stages of Luke Cage, which is set in Harlem and will star Mike Colter in the lead. “As a group, Daredevil was the first series for Netflix and we all came together and created this world. It was really hard to say goodbye.” www.netflix.com

“It’s kind of like real life. He wants a better class of people -the wealthy and rich - to come into Hell’s Kitchen. He wants it to shine, but that means there’s a lot of people who can’t afford his vision.”

COMMUNITY

what’s going on in

OCTOBER Every day’s a playday with our calendar guide to one-off events and ongoing offers around Hell’s Kitchen

October 4 Rí Rá Children’s Festival of Literature Irish Arts Center

Authors and illustrators, including Eoin Colfer and Oliver Jeffers, celebrate children’s literature. www.irishartscenter.org

Until October 11 The Christians Not Tuesdays Drunk Shakespeare

Until October 14 Drop Dead Perfect

Roy Arias Stages

Theatre at St Clements

www.drunkshakespeare.com

www.dropdeadperfect.com

Consume at least five shots of whiskey before attempting to perform a Shakespearean play? What could possibly go wrong?

It sold out last season, now it’s back for a limited run, with Everett Quinton starring as demented dame Idris Seabright.

Playwrights Horizons Backed by a live choir from all five boroughs, this is an unflinching look at modern faith in America, and its power to unite or divide. The story: Ten years ago, Pastor Paul’s church was a modest storefront. Now it houses thousands. But his next sermon will shake the foundation of his congregation’s beliefs. Picture is Larry Powell in the Actors Theatre of Louisville production. www.PHnyc.org.

Thursdays Timatha Kasten & Band

COLLEGE AND NFL FOOTBALL ALL SEASON LONG!

Two Happy Hours Every Day

Row NYC

A seven-piece R&B band plays the hits of Stevie Wonder, Prince and more. No cover. No minimum purchase. Dancing compulsory! www.timatha.com

Until October 18 Kayak on the Hudson Pier 84

The weather may be cooler, but the Hudson is still balmy. Go kayaking and stand-up paddle boarding before the shed shuts. www.manhattankayak.com

4pm-8pm, 12am-2am

Brunch from $11 IMAGES: NACHO GUEVARA; GREGORY CONSTANZO

Bottomless Brunch add $15 11am-4pm Saturday & Sunday

508 9th Ave, (Bet. 38th & 39th Street) (646) 490 4803 scallywagsnyc.com www.facebook.com/scallywagsnyc

From October 6 Futurity Ars Nova

Two people try to imagine their way out of impossible circumstances in this musical by indie band The Lisps. www.arsnovanyc.com

From October 8 Death of a Salesman Castillo

The Arthur Miller masterpiece is performed in Yiddish, with English subtitles, to mark the 100th anniversary of Miller’s birth. www.castillo.org

October 14 Jumping Shaking Musical Story Making

Until October 31 A Midsummer Night’s Dream

October 13 to 17 The Music of Ella Fitzgerald

Pearl Theatre

Birdland

Columbus Library

www.pearltheatre.org

www.birdlandjazz.com

www.nypl.org

Four lovers are tossed into the strangest, most magical night of their lives.

Saturday and Sunday Hell’s Kitchen Flea Market W39th St - 9th Ave

Make your way here every weekend for the best in vintage finds and collectibles. www.annexmarkets.com

Jane Monheit’s Songbook Sessions – expect all the classics, and perhaps one or two surprises!

October 22 Duke Dumont Terminal 5

Best known for Need U (100%), I Got U and Won’t Look Back, the deep house producer takes his Blase Boys Club on the road. www.terminal5nyc.com

Halloween songs and stories for children, aimed at those aged five and older.

October 24 Operation Slumber Intrepid

Spend a night aboard Intrepid and you’ll see inside the Shuttle, a flashlight tour of the flight deck, and ride in a flight simulator. www.intrepidmuseum.org

Every Thursday Broadway Sessions Laurie Beechman Theatre

As the curtains fall on Broadway, host Ben D (from Wicked, Aida, and Footloose) hosts his musical theater variety show. www.westbankcafe.com

From October 20 Wendell Castle Remastered MAD Museum

Examining the works of the master furniture maker, designer, sculptor, and educator www.madmuseum.org

From October 27 Incident at Vichy

Not Tuesdays Clever Little Lies

Signature Theatre

Westside Theatre Upstairs

www.signaturetheatre.org

www.cleverlittlelies.com

Marking the return of an Arthur Miller piece of writing to Signature for the first time since his 1997-98 residency.

A new comedy of sex, love and secrets and for better or worse, starring Marlo Thomas and written by Joe DiPietro.

October 8 to 11 New York Comic Con Javits Center Panels and screenings, exhibitors, fan premieres, celebrity guests, cosplay, and speed dating, this is basically the only place to be for anyone excited about modern popular culture. Think Star Wars, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Marvel, Pretty Little Liars – they’ll all be here. www.newyorkcomiccon.com

October 31 Halloween All over the world

Dress up, go trick or treating, carve a pumpkin - whatever you do, do it with us. Hashtag your pics #w42st and we’ll do our best to share them with the rest of the world.

November 1 Next W42ST out All around Hell’s Kitchen

Look out November, we’re coming for you. Next month we’re all about Thanksgiving. If you’d like to be featured in any way, contact us on news@w42st.com.

WHAT’S GOING ON

WEST SIDE STORIES

MONOLOGUE CHALLENGE w42st Sponsored by

TentSquare, Where Artists Find Their Audience™ is a social network and artistic collaborative site.

Members of the community submitted original monologues up to 250 words in length, all based in or about Hell’s Kitchen. These “West Side Stories” were then performed by TentSquare actors. Semi-finalists were selected by the TentSquare community and finalists and winners were chosen by the judging panel – writer/professor Velina Hasu Houston and writer/director/actor Patrick Wang. All 74 original monologue submissions and 51 actor performances are available to view on tentsquare.com. 20

WHAT’S GOING ON The judges

Winners The actors

1ST PLACE Chelsea Foster performed Better Than a Red

IMAGE: KEN MATSUI

written by Austin Savage

VELINA HASU HOUSTON

Velina’s career began at Manhattan Theatre Club, expanding to notable theaters internationally including 21 commissions, three currently at The Pasadena Playhouse, Los Angeles Opera, and Playwrights’ Arena-Center Theatre Group. She is creator/director MFA in Dramatic Writing at USC School of Dramatic Arts. www.velinahasuhouston.com

Chelsea was born in Pennsylvania, went to college and got married in Virginia, currently lives in Texas and will soon move to Washington DC. She is a dancer, singer, and most importantly an actor. Creating beauty through film captured her heart and acting is her greatest passion.

2ND PLACE Laurel Toupal performed Art and Trees written by Anne Flanagan

Laurel’s first taste of performing was when she got to do her first musical in 6th grade. She has been studying acting for over eight years and is currently training at Texas State University as a BFA Actor.

3RD PLACE Jonatan Contreras performed Classy Dame written by Ryan Dean Mullenix

PATRICK WANG

Patrick is writer and director of In The Family and The Grief Of Others, and author of The Monologue Plays. He writes essays and fiction for the site Monkey at a Typewriter.

Jonatan Contreras is from El Paso, Texas. He began acting in the summer of 2015 when he auditioned for the Border Theater. Since then, he’s dedicated himself to pursuing a full-time career in acting.

WHAT’S GOING ON Winners The writers

1ST PLACE Bryan Civitarese

2ND PLACE Jeremy Breitenbach

3RD PLACE Wylie Weeks

Bryan Civitarese is an actor, writer, and poet from New Jersey. He stars in many emotional home movies or, for less awkward viewing, he can be seen playing various roles in the web series Or So the Story Goes.

Life comes fast and hard and I try my hardest to ride the waves without drowning. I am a full-time father of two, government employee, and a dreamer. Inspiration for my writing comes from many facets and I look forward to the day I can share my craziness.

51st and 10th

Free Fall

Born in Houston Texas. Graduated Houston Baptist University Drama Major. Moved to NYC 30 years ago to pursue acting. Studied with Elaine Aiken at Lee Strasburg Theater Institute NY. Now studying with Pamela Kramer “Horror Films” Ny, Ny. Lives in Manhattan (www.wylieweeks.com).

MALE/FEMALE – It’s surreal the things you think about seconds before you decide to end your life. What will people think? Who will come to the funeral? Will people cry? Laugh? What is in a McDonald’s cheese burger? ... Moving to this apartment on 51st and 10th. Getting mugged on the corner your first week in the city. A month later, on the same corner, finding out you got the part that made it all worth it. Meeting her at the park. Getting caught in the rain on the first date. Kissing her for the first time on that same corner, trying to get her to come upstairs. It’s where we each confessed our love for the first time – where we had our first big fight, speechless, watching as she stormed away. It was where we made up and got the phone call that we are having a girl. It was where I caught the cab to meet her at the hospital. It was where my parents waited to hear the news. She had trouble during the pregnancy and she wouldn’t be coming home. It’s where I go when I miss her, and it’s where I take my beautiful daughter to tell her stories. It’s the corner I’m looking at when I realize, I need to keep going.

Life comes at you hard and fast. I never expected to be here where I am at this moment, staring down below at the ant people walking along the streets of Hells Kitchen. Hells Kitchen ... now that’s an interesting name. It is neither hell nor a kitchen. Full of artsy fartsy people. I tried to fit in, I really did. They didn’t appreciate my art, however. But oh, they will appreciate this new fangled art I am about to create. I take the first step, my left foot dangling off the ledge, and I feel free for the first time in my life. I feel like I own the world and can accomplish anything. I step off with my right foot and the wind rushes around me as I plunge towards the ground. The ant people finally noticing me, some are actually stopping and watching! There’s one pointing! I finally have the audience I have always craved! If only my parents could see me now, pleasing the crowd! They would be so proud of me. It would be the first time my parents ever showed interest in anything I have ever done. You think they would have came to my first show but no, always some bullshit excuse about how I wasted years of their money going to a stupid theater school. Won’t they shit themselves to see me now. The ant people aren’t quite ants anymore. My heart is hammering. Did I really just do this? Shit, why the hell...

Baked Pee It smells like baked pee in the summer. My toes freeze in the winter. I have to wrap them with sports tape so I can walk. It takes months to get used to the noise again If I leave the city for any length of time. My friends are all actors and we love each other except when a job comes along. Then if we don’t get it we hate the person who does get it. And I’m so envious I can hardly stand it. Envy, constant envy and extreme insecurity is my constant state of mind. And I wouldn’t change any of it or move out of Hell’s Kitchen or give up acting for the world.

WHAT’S GOING ON Winners The actor monologue writers

Better Than a Red

Art and Trees

Classy Dame

written by Austin Savage

written by Anne Flanagan

written by Ryan Dean Mullenix

I ain’t never done much right in my life. About the coolest thing that there ever was to do here was climb into the Empire Connection trench and smoke stolen cigarettes while watching the trains rolling on by. But I think I’m doing right by you. At least I feel that way. I mean one thing that’s for sure is that you are a lot damn better than any of the Marlboro Reds we’d lift off our parents.   I don’t mean to compare you to cigarettes and I don’t even know why I’m thinking about that trench right now except that maybe that was the one place I could always go to to find myself a bit of happiness. You do that for me now. Instead of cigarettes and trains ... I got you. I got a thing I can always do that makes me feel alright, and to tell the truth, I’m a bit addicted. Nah ... I’m more than a bit addicted, I’m pretty damn crazy for you. I got something to look forward to again, but I can take this thing with me wherever I go or, if you want me to, I can follow you wherever life takes you. I don’t want to put no pressure on you or anything but I just had to let you know that.   I always planned on getting outta the Kitchen, but it’s alright so long as you’re here. Hell, anyplace is where I want to be so long as you’re there.

My neighbor? At 48th and 8th? She’s a sculptor – makes all her art out of garbage, like cans and old refrigerators and shit. I coulda died the first time I saw her stuff. I walk into her studio and I’m surrounded by, I swear to God, these gigantic, six foot penises. Made out o’ like hubcaps and shit. All these dicks – as big as me! She said it was something about man’s oppression of women but I’m thinking this girl definitely needs to get herself laid. So, she’d cut out at night to scavenge for junk and then wake up the entire building, draggin’ these huge slabs of metal up the stairs ... BANG! BANG! BANG! Three o’clock in the freakin’ morning! Then she’d just shove it into her closet and I guess wait for creativity to strike. One night, around Christmas time, I hear this terrific crash – like the whole ceiling was falling down. Turns out it was. Seems the Penis Lady’d crammed so much crap in her closet, the floor gave way and everything fell into the apartment below. Little Timmy Rameriez? He was under the Christmas tree trying to sneak a peek at one of his packages and the whole effing ceiling comes right down on him. Merry Goddamn Christmas, right?! It’s a miracle he didn’t die. Yeah, he lived – but he’s not quite right. He has this stutter and like a facial tick and an undying fear of trees. Get him within an inch of Central Park, the kid runs screaming.

This fine looking dame sits next to me. Says, “I’ll only break your heart.” What? Who speaks like that? Here I am at this bar off of 9th and 42nd Street. Having a pint. Minding my Ps and Qs. This chick comes up to me, a complete stranger no less, and says: “I’ll only break your heart.” That’s freaking sexy! I gotta buy this girl a drink. A few rum and cokes later Nina (that’s her name) and I spend the evening talking about life, her father, friends, yadda yadda yadda. But. But every now and then, every so often, she drops more dead sexy bombs like: “I’m not a bad girl, I just enjoy bad things.” “I usually avoid temptation unless I resist it.” “Fools fall in love, the passionate stay in it.” “Too much of a good thing would be wonderful.” What a dame. Guy could fall hard for someone like that. Real hard. “It’s getting late,” Nina says, “got to turn in.” So, I take the plunge, caress her hand all romantic like. Invite her out tomorrow night to that movie theatre off 42nd Street. Nina looks me dead square in the eye and replies: “Sounds like a plan, handsome.” Gives me a peck on the cheek and disappears. What a lady. Classy. But now it’s tomorrow night ... Looks like I’ll be watching this Chuck Norris/ Lee Marvin film. Alone. I want to be more upset, but what are you going to do? Cherchez la femme. “I’ll break your heart.”

Look out for more monologues from the competition finalists in the November issue of W42ST. 23

FILM

GOT TO BE GOOD There is but one criteria for inclusion in the New York Film Festival – the movie must be good. But what constitutes such a quality?

s there a film festival anywhere else in the world that is cooler than New York’s? It doesn’t need to woo the stars; they come anyway. And while some festivals chase the next big thing, all that matters to New York is that the film is, simply, great. Vital. “It’s based on programming and only programming,” explains director Kent Jones. “No market, no awards or juries. And we have a small number of world premieres. If stars come, it’s because they want to be there for the film. And it’s now venerable – this is the 53rd NYFF.” Jones, in the role for three years after taking over from Richard Peña, who’d held the reins for 25, is one of those lucky schmucks who are in the happy position of doing a job they love. And, since he’s in the business of storytelling, he tells it like this: “I have a friend named Lou. He and his brother Sal own and run Di Palo’s, a great Italian importing place down on Grand Street, one of the last remaining vestiges of Little Italy, one of the first stores of its kind in the city. They make the best mozzarella I’ve ever tasted, bar none. “Whenever I ride down there to see them, the place is always packed and they’re always behind the counter—so is Lou’s wife Connie, his sister, children, nieces and nephews. I was there one day and someone made a remark to Sal about how hard he works, and doesn’t he ever get a break? And he said, ‘The truth is that I’ve never worked a day in my life.’ Meaning, he loves what he does, so work and life are one, inseparable. So, my answer is: what he said.” Under his directorship, there has been an increased emphasis on documentary, he says. “And I suppose the tone has changed by simple virtue of the fact that Richard Peña and I are different people – exactly how is not for me to say. That’s for others, if they’re so inclined.” How many films does he see over

Don Cheadle plays Miles Davis in the world premiere of Miles Ahead, the festival’s closing film.

“If stars come, it’s because they want to be there for the film. And it’s now venerable – this is the 53rd NYFF.”

FILM the course of a year? He has no idea. Thousands, certainly. Too many to count, definitely. But they still have the power to get him excited, and this year’s festival is no different. “It’s the mix of elements that’s exciting – that’s what’s exciting about programming. We’re doing a retrospective of two extraordinary San Francisco filmmakers, lifelong partners Nick Dorsky and Jerry Hiler, and they make their movies on 16mm only, no digital transfers or discs or DCPs. “There’s a salute to The Film Foundation, 25 years in business, with a lot of beautiful restorations – for instance, a 35mm print of Heaven Can Wait by Lubitsch restored by Schawn Belston and his team at Fox (it’s also Fox’s centenary, and we’re celebrating that as well). “There’s a great documentary line-up. Special screenings. An expanded shorts program. Convergence. Projections, which is our avant-garde program. And what else? Oh yeah – the main slate. Chantal Akerman, Steven Spielberg, Todd Haynes, Guy Maddin, Hou Hsiaohsien (who’s actually coming to New York and doing this year’s On Cinema conversation), Don Cheadle, Danny Boyle, Robert Zemeckis, Rebecca Miller, Michael Moore, Philippe Garrel and more … all together.” The flashbulb-popping, red carpet premieres, while not central to the festival, still have their place, however. ‘It makes for a certain kind of excitement. But we don’t look for premieres: we look for good movies. We didn’t choose The Walk or Miles Ahead because they’re world premieres. We chose them because they’re so good. Same with Bridge of Spies and Junun. And the same with films that aren’t world premieres, like Brooklyn or Noah Baumbach and Jake Paltrow’s beautiful film about De Palma, or The Assassin, or Carol, or Steve Jobs.” But, while the overriding criteria is that a film is simply “good”, who makes that call? What makes one film a classic for one person and, for another, a guilty pleasure at best? “The whole guilty pleasure thing doesn’t really sit right with me,” he says. “It’s based on something that I just don’t believe in. Sometimes, I enjoy looking at stuff that isn’t so good but that brings back the moment in my life when I saw it, sometimes more powerfully than a good film does. Because when a film is good, the time when it was made kind of gives

Above (clockwise from top left): Hou Hsiao-hsien brings The Assassin to the festival, and delivers this year’s On Cinema conversation; Kent Jones; Rebecca Miller stars in Maggie’s Plan.

“‘The truth is that I’ve never worked a day in my life.’ Meaning, he loves what he does, so work and life are one, inseparable. So, my answer is: what he said.” way, it becomes more and more vital and precious. But with a lousy or ordinary film, it doesn’t really move, it just stays there, emanating the signal from its own time – some people call it ‘dated.’ “Not that long ago I looked at Love Story on a plane. I saw it for the first time when I was ten years old with my mother, and I remember sitting there in the theatre among all of these sobbing women. The movie, like the Erich Segal book, is

a tear-extraction machine, and it was a massive success at the time, the novel and the movie and the theme song (and by the way: we’re showing a doc called Everything Is Copy about Nora Ephron, who absolutely skewered Erich Segal in a 1971 Esquire profile). “The set-up: two beautiful mismatched youths, the wealthy Harvard jock and the poor Radcliffe music scholarship student, soar past their class differences on the power of love, only to be shot out of the sky by cancer (by the way, the death of a young someone in their prime was a big number when I was young, what with A Separate Piece and Death Be Not Proud and Brian’s Song and Bang the Drum Slowly). Ali MacGraw watches Ryan O’Neal skating, and then patiently says, ‘Take me to the hospital.’ Like: I’m ready to die of leukemia now (and she never looks sick). “She dies just in time for O’Neal’s hard-hearted father Ray Milland to show up and miss it, thus ensuring his lifelong guilt and the son’s satisfaction that he has arrived on a higher spiritual plane than his father, allowing him to impart the movie’s great maxim: ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry.’ Cue the Francis Lai score as Oliver walks off to sit in the bleachers on a wintry day in Central Park and brood on the beautiful loss of his beautiful wife, Jenny. “It’s an absolutely shameless film filled with non-scenes, the most astonishing of which is the musical montage of the lovers frolicking in the snow, tossing a football in the snow, making snow angels and joyfully lobbing snow and more snow on each other’s heads in the middle of an otherwise deserted Harvard Yard – it kind of just starts, then goes on and on, then stops. “And meanwhile, throughout, there’s the world of 1970, badly shot but there – the Harvard campus, those old houses in Cambridge, the road to and from New York, the sense of design of those days, ‘preppies’ and old loving ‘ethnic’ fathers and the imagined mental horizons of young men from proper blueblood families looking for ‘something more out of life.’ “I’ll close by saying that the dividing line between good movies and not-good movies is, while very real, also as thin as paper.” The 53rd New York Film Festival is at the Lincoln Center until October 11 (www.filmlinc.org/nyff2015)

ART PREVIEWS

WHAT A RIDE!

Film, theater, and some of the best music around right now are all coming to Hell’s Kitchen this October. Hillary Reeves is first in line KASKADE

Pier 94 October 24 Grammy-nominated American DJ Kaskade touches down in New York for a stop in his Automatic Tour 2015. Most of the tickets for the night are already sold, but a few general admission and VIP spots might be left. There’s also the option for the ‘A Little More’ VIP experience which includes a meet and greet with the artist himself and the option for bottle service – quite the night! From the looks of it, though, you can expect an incredible event regardless. Just do a quick Google search for ‘Pier 94’ and you’ll see scenes from some of the craziest parties New York has to offer. Packed-to-the-brim dance floors, costumes, and stagediving DJs. Buckle up, Hell’s Kitchenites! (And if you’re not attending, mark your calendars as the night when you may hear some unavoidable thumping outside your window.) Tickets include a free digital download of Kaskade’s latest album, released on September 25. www.kaskademusic.com

ROMANCE LANGUAGE

Theater 511 at Ars Nova October 13 through November 8 Real talk: I love plays and musicals with linguistic subplots. Anybody else? Bueller? Hear me out: I’m talking My Fair Lady, Pygmalion, The Light in the Piazza, oh – and I just love that scene in Singin’ in the Rain where they do the vocal exercises (“Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously”). So, when I heard about Romance Language, I was so on board. The play involves a wealthy Manhattan widow taking Italian lessons from a bello instructor. When the pair get romantically entangled, the widow’s daughter begins to question the instructor’s intentions with her mother. Oh, it sounds juicy and

“Packed-to-thebrim dance floors, costumes, and stage-diving DJs. Buckle up, Hell’s Kitchen-ites!”

ART PREVIEWS sexy and I can’t wait! Hunky Jared Zirilli, who we loved as Jacob in Twilight: the Musical and who you might recognize as Fiyero for the first national tour of Wicked, plays alongside sultry Audrey Heffernan Meyer of Royal Pains (and wife of famed NYC restaurateur Danny Meyer). Mairin Lee, who understudied Jessica Chastain in Broadway’s 2013 revival of The Heiress, rounds out the talented trio. www.arsnovanyc.com

TERMINAL 5

October looks like the month to be at our beloved Hell’s Kitchen hang out Terminal 5. For starters, you’ll find Tame Impala on October 7. Their psych rock sound is a personal favorite of mine, and their April release Currents was basically the soundtrack to my summer. Get acquainted with the Australian duo, if you’re not already, with singles Let It Happen and Cause I’m A Man. Then throw in oldie-but-goodie Feels Like We Only Go Backwards off of their 2012 album Lonerism for good measure. We also recommend swinging by the 56th St space for Tove Lo on the 21st. You’re most likely to recognize the Swedish vocalist from her top 40 hits Habits (Stay High) and Talking Bodies, or as the voice on DJ Alesso’s Heroes (We Could Be). She also has some serious writing chops, though, as the co-writer behind Ellie Goulding’s mega-hit Love Me Like You Do, a fact that makes us all the more eager to see the songstress’ talents on stage. Finally, look out for Chicago artist Chance the Rapper on the 25th. The 22-year-old is almost universally acclaimed for his talents by peers and critics alike. Listen to his May 2015 release Surf to get to know his complex flow and acid jazz-inspired work. www.terminal5nyc.com

NYC INDEPENDENT FILM FESTIVAL

Producers Club October 12 through October 18 Over 300 independent films can be found being screened in our city – and you don’t have to head down to Tribeca to see ‘em. The NYC Independent Film Festival enters its sixth year this fall and (lucky for us) it’ll continue to call Hell’s Kitchen its home. You can get passes for each of the seven days for $80. These include access to that day’s films as well

Above: Chance The Rapper and Tove Lo (left) coms to Terminal 5 this month. Opposite: More music from Kaskade and Tame Impala.

as nightly events, aka parties, where you get to mingle with the filmmakers. There are also panels and seminars throughout the festival for an additional ticket price. Learn about composing or digital distribution, or just grab the popcorn and settle down for a session of shorts, super shorts, thrillers, music videos and more. www.nycindieff.com

MEN ARE FROM MARS…

“A little laughter may help you prepare to face the final frontier – dating in NYC!”

New World Stages October 22 through November 29 This show adapts the bestselling book of the same name into a one-man comedy spectacle, performed by Peter Story. Story not only has a long resume of impressive TV and theater credits, but his and his wife’s wedding story was also recently featured on NPR’s The Moth, so you know this guy can tell a great tale about love. Make it a date night if you’re attached, or singles should check out the show with pals and kvetch about the opposite sex with some kindred spirits. After all, a little laughter may help you prepare to face the final frontier – dating in NYC! www.newworldstages.com

COMEDY

The mighty

QUINN Comedian Colin Quinn lets rip on political correctness, rape jokes, and gentrification

IMAGE: ILONA LIEBERMAN WORDS: RUTH WALKER

hen Colin Quinn goes for coffee in a car with Jerry Seinfeld, he doesn’t order a flat white or a cold brewed espresso. No. He orders tea instead, because that’s how he rolls. And that unapologetic rebellion against the cult of coffee endears him to me. Then, when he tells me he has the hots for Shirley Manson, from the rock band Garbage (my fellow Scot, fellow redhead), I can’t help but fall for him a little more. “I said, ‘Shirley, I love you.’” he recalls. “And she said, ‘I bet you say that to all the girrrrls.’ That pronunciation. ‘Girrrrls.’ I love it! Yeah!” Swoon. The comedian – already a mainstream hot ticket thanks to roles in Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck and Lena Dunham’s Girls (Girrrrls?) – returns to The Cherry Lane Theatre this month with his gloriously politically incorrect one-man show Colin Quinn: The New York Story. No ethnic group or its quirks is spared – from the British, with their sense of superiority, and the Dutch, with their sweary words, to the “rude-polite” Germans, the hard-working Jews, the sarcastic Irish, and the melodramatic Italians. Even Arabs and blacks get a

“My memories of the neighborhood are all those little porno booths. I was probably in about half of them.” keenly-observed swipe. It’s all told with a sense of nostalgia and affection. But, as paranoid and PC and NY is, has anyone walked out yet? “Not yet,” he says. “I think most people like the way it’s phrased. It’s hard for them to complain. People are sick of political correctness at this point … at least I think they are.” There is a deeper message, of course: that of our current attitude towards race. “If you’re saying anything, you’re saying something about race relations, you know what I mean? It’s almost a moot point. If America really wanted to talk about race relations, we’d have shows about it every week. But I know how the country is: it’s so politically correct we couldn’t have an honest conversation about race if we wanted to. And we don’t want to. Nobody wants to.

A small piece of Ireland, right in Hell’s Kitchen! American Classics with Irish Influence Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, Daily Brunch on Saturday and Sunday Sunday Roast - 1pm-9pm

LIVE MUSdIaC y’s Wednes h), 8pm (Iris ys Saturda 11pm

24 Craft Beers on Tap

22 TVs + Jumbo Screen All major sports leagues shown Private events up to 300 people

Tir Na Nog

315 W 39th Street, NYC 212-760-0072 www.tirnanognyc.com Like us on

@TirNaNogTimesSq

COMEDY “It’s like going to visit your parents,” he adds. “Everybody says, ‘I’m not 12 years old anymore, I’m not going to act like a little kid, I’m an adult now.’ Then you get there and five minutes later you’re stamping your feet and talking like you’re 12 again.” So, if race is ripe for comedy, with all its awkward implications, is there any subject that is beyond a joke? “It depends where you’re coming from with it,” he says. “There are things I find offensive, but that doesn’t mean they’re beyond humor; I just don’t find them funny. Like rape stuff. It’s not that I haven’t heard any funny rape jokes, because I have. Like the famous Sarah Silverman joke. You know, she says, ‘I was raped by a doctor, which is such a mixed, ambivalent feeling for a Jewish girl.’ “Every time I think about that, it makes me sad. But it’s not for me to decide; everything offends somebody, you know?” Jerry Seinfeld’s direction keeps the show’s monologue moving at breakneck speed – so pay attention or you might miss an opportunity to take offence! “I don’t know how we decided to work together,” says Colin, “I just know that we were friends from comedy for a long time. He’s always been a big supporter of my work, always been the guy who loves what I do. I mean, I show him scripts, he cries with laughter, it’s just ridiculous! It’s amazing. He’s almost my No 1 fan, so anything he can do to help … which is not everything, but he does what he can.” Their working relationship can be “kind of contentious at times,” he admits. “We fight a little bit.” But, ultimately, Jerry’s the boss. “He’s the director. And he’s Jerry!” Colin Quinn first came to the nation’s attention on Saturday Night Live, where he kept the laughs coming between 1995 and 2000. During his tenure, he turned down the role of Scotty Evil in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery – a part that was eventually played by Seth Green. It is said to be the only gig he regrets saying ‘no’ to. He made his Broadway debut in 1998 with another one-man show, Colin Quinn: An Irish Wake, hosted the panel show Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn on Comedy Central, starred in both Grown Ups movies opposite Adam Sandler … and was voted one of the top 100 Irish Americans of the year in both 2004 and

“Jerry’s always been a big supporter of my work, always been the guy who loves what I do.”

Colin Quinn on stage, riffing on New York’s diverse ethnic mix.

2011. And this summer he played the deliciously self-centered, philandering father – “monogamy is not realistic” – in the Amy Schumer hit movie Trainwreck. “She’s just amazing,” he says of Schumer. “She’s so funny and smart. I love her.” Born in Brooklyn, he spent 15 of his most formative years living on 56th St - 8th Ave, “which is generously Hell’s Kitchen. Unfortunately my memories of the neighborhood are all those little porno booths when I was like 19, 20, 21. I was probably in about half of them. If there were 400 I was in about 200. I’m not proud of it, but obviously I’m not ashamed of it either!” The porno booths are, of course, all gone, along with the pimps, the druggies … the gritty old Hell’s Kitchen. Damn gentrification! “It’s so easy to attack gentrification, because that’s what we do: we attack things,” he says. “Meanwhile, it’s made every neighborhood better in so many ways. ‘Oh, but there’s exploitation, people are getting thrown out.’ That was happening anyway. That always happens. Exploitation has just changed, it never stops being.” He goes back to Hell’s Kitchen “all the time,” he says. “I still have a lot of friends over there. The last of the Irish.” One of those great friends was the late Bobby Spillane, the writer/actor son of gangster Mickey Spillane, who died in a freak accident in the neighborhood in July 2010. “Oh my God, he was like the conduit between old and new,” says Colin. “This guy was like a bright light walking down 8th and 9th Ave. One of the greatest regrets is about his last show. It was one-man show about his life and his father, but it was also the story of Hell’s Kitchen. He was about to put it back up when the whole thing happened.” Though it was a one-man show, told from Bobby’s perspective, Colin believes it may yet see the stage. “Maybe if his brother or sister want to do something. They’d have to adapt it, but there are things you could do with it. It spanned 100 years, that piece. Bobby knew everybody, he grew up with everybody. It was kind of an incredible show. Hopefully we can do something with it. Maybe we will someday.” Colin Quinn: The New York Story returns to the Cherry Lane Theatre on October 20 (www.ColinQuinnTheNewYorkStory.com)

6:34 PM

PHOTO

ESSAY

A night in the life... From the bartenders, to the stay-out-laters, the cigar rollers, performers, and drip-dry kayakers – this is our tribute to the people who inhabit Hell’s Kitchen after dark Photographs Phil O’Brien & Jon Buckle ake a walk with us through the neighborhood, as dusk turns to darkness, and see its unique inhabitants through our photographers’ eyes. For some of us, the working day is over and it’s time to wind down; for others, hell, they’re just getting started.

continued over

6:52 PM

7:54 PM

PHOTO

ESSAY

7:16 PM

8:11 PM

Clockwise from top left: Catching up at graffiti walls; making a phone call; Jonnie de la Cruz rolls cigars outside Guantanamera, 8th Ave; heading along 9th Ave - 42 St after a day shopping; Gisselle Figueroa and Hector Camacho take the weight off on a couch on 9th Ave; legendary jazz big bass player Essiet Essiet fresh from his gig at Rainbow Rooms; a cigarette break on 10th Ave.

7:19 PM 8:33 PM

continued over 8:26 PM

9:31 PM 01:19 AM

Clockwise from top left: Kayaker Bob Horan walks his craft from Pier 84 to the car park at Pier 83 after a trip to the Statue of Liberty; drink accessories at the Pocket Bar; checking phones on 10th Ave; the neon siren call of the Market Diner; Suzy Darling presides over the Pocket Bar; Daniel Sterling Richmond lines up the latenight beers at the Pony Bar; the Market Diner.

PHOTO

ESSAY

10:14 PM

10:35 PM

12:32 PM

02:0337 AM

WHAT’S GOING ON

IT’S A SIGN! E very New Yorker has that one place in the city they can’t get enough of. Maybe it has the best coffee. Maybe a rooftop view. But maybe, just maybe, it’s something more … Bess Matassa has reveled in the study of astrology all her life. As an astrologer and urban geographer who has lived in New York City for 12 years, one of the many services she offers is named Street Signs (get it?). For $175, she’ll analyze your birth chart and design a personal tour of the city, hand-picking locations that connect your unique astrological energies with the energies of the sites. Here’s what she found in Hell’s Kitchen:

Carla Duval follows the stars in search of her spiritual home W59TH ST

SAGITTARIUS

AQUARIUS

Columbus Circle

John Jay College, 1004 10th Ave

LIBRA

Museum of Arts & Design, 2 Columbus Circle

PISCES

Manhattan Community Boathouse, Pier 96

ARIES

LEO

CAPRICORN

9TH AVE

CANCER

St. Clement’s Episcopal Church, 423 W46th St

ARIES

The Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum at Pier 86, W46th St - 12th Ave

10TH AVE

11TH AVE

VIRGO

Mud, Sweat & Tears Pottery, 654 10th Ave.

TAURUS

Gotham West Market, 600 11th Ave

GEMINI

TAURUS

(April 20-May 20) Gotham West Market, 600 11th Ave - 44th/54th St We arrange to meet here, since I was born with Taurus as my sun sign. When I walk in from the heat and am face-to-face with ice-cream from Ample Hills Creamery, I know this is indeed the place for me. According to Bess: “Taurus has such a beautiful energy of abundance. I liked the containment of this market because Taurus is the energy I associate with cows in pasture, rooting down, enjoying a sensuous engagement with the world.” www.gothamwestmarket.com

8TH AVE

Cakes & Shapes, 466 W51st St

The construction sites along the west

12TH AVE

(March 21-April 19) The Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum, Pier 86, W46th St - 12th Ave The maritime and military museum taps into the part of Aries’ energy that seeks the new and the bold. “There’s this warrior sense of learning through challenge and through friction,” she says. “I have this image of a warrior on an open plain who just summons the courage to charge forth.” As we pass, she’s tempted to climb the anchoring rope and hop aboard. Having most of her birth chart rooted in Aries, she feels the irresistible pull of the ship’s energy. “There’s a feeling of glory and power when I’m down there,” she says. www.intrepidmuseum.org

Port Authority Bus Terminal

SCORPIO

The entire neighborhood fits in with it’s energies, making it the jackpot winner on the bunch

W34TH ST

WHAT’S GOING ON GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Port Authority Bus Terminal, 625 8th Ave - 41st/42nd St When Bess first mentioned she’d chosen Port Authority for the twin sign, I was skeptical. Her decision became clear when she explained that Geminis thrive on connection and communication, with an emphasis on local exploration. “Gemini has a capacity to draw connections between different ideas and people. This site is a hub that connects all these roads, overpasses, and voyages.”

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

St Clement’s Episcopal Church, 423 W46th St - 9th/10th Ave “I really liked the idea of having this space that was a sanctuary, more of a private space that was also tapped into this growing edge of Cancer to come out of the crab shell, show yourself and birth these visions into the world.” Even though Cancer is often overshadowed by Leo for being the performer, Bess explains Cancer signs tend to generate artistic visions that flourish in more fantastical energies and dreamscapes. St Clement’s Episcopal Church provides a place to both reflect inward and grow outward. www.stclementsnyc.org

LEO (July 23-Aug 22)

Cakes ‘N Shapes, 466 W51st St 9th/10th Ave My Taurine senses tingled at the thought of more sweets, but Leo takes the cake with this location. While Bess admits the default for Leos would be a playground due to their childlike ability to engage life, she chose this bakery for its fun, do it yourself experience, where customers add edible photos and designs to cakes and cookies. “It takes what might seem to be this mundane thing and imbues it with a silliness or play that shines. It’s just itself in this guileless way and I thought this idea of eating your own whimsical cake was very Leonene.” www.cakesnshapes.com

VIRGO (Aug 23-Sept 22)

Mud, Sweat & Tears Pottery, 654 10th Ave - 46th St Bess confesses that Virgo is often a difficult sign to work with. It follows Leo in the zodiac, and signifies the point when the ego begins to be humbled. Even though Virgos are often put down in pop-astrology and described as uptight perfectionists, Bess explains the energy

surrounding the virgin sign is all about refining an idea of serving in order to better oneself and be able to contribute something special to a certain field. “I loved when I found this pottery place. It was precisely Virgo; it was this ability to do the hard work, humble the ego, and create this beautiful object that maybe is not the shiniest, the most spectacular, but it’s really in service to something that’s more subtly beautiful,” she explains. www.mudsweat-tears.com

LIBRA (Sept 23-Oct 22)

Museum of Arts and Design (MAD), 2 Columbus Circle “This one leapt out to me. People always describe Libra as ‘harmonious’ or ‘balanced,’ but it really is about trying to equilibrate between extremes and finding balance at the center of the extremes as well as maintaining aesthetic ideals,” Bess says. There’s not one fixed aesthetic or ideal; it greatly differs from person to person, so this museum that specializes in the works of contemporary artists and designers is perfect for the scale sign. www.madmuseum.org

SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21)

All of Hell’s Kitchen Those born with Scorpio as their sun sign hit the astrological jackpot as far as Hell’s Kitchen is concerned. Due to its darker past, Bess believes the energy within the whole neighborhood is in tune with this particular water sign. “Scorpio is very much ‘go deep or go home’ – this willingness to deal with the primitive parts of ourselves: with rage, desire, anger, and to draw them up to the surface,” she says. “This name, Hell’s Kitchen, is very emblematic of this kind of intensity that lives beneath something. The energy of Scorpio almost feasts on darker feelings; they’re willing to make a meal out of these more primitive feelings.” www.w42st.com

SAGITTARIUS

(Nov 22-Dec 21) Columbus Circle “There’s this real feeling in Sagittarius of wild, exploratory access. It’s also concerned with learning and philosophizing, so I loved that intersection of exploration — this globe, Christopher Columbus, and also the Time Warner Center – there’s an idea of communication and transmission of knowledge that exists here,” Bess says. www.theshopsatcolumbuscircle.com

CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19) Sky, 605 W42nd St - 11th Ave With the continuing boom in development, there are numerous construction sites popping up in the neighborhood. But towering above all others is the soon-to-be largest, 71-story, 1,175-unit apartment building in New York City, named Sky. Bess reveals that energies of skyscrapers in general are very Capricornian, but the imposing height of Sky outranks all others in Hell’s Kitchen, especially while it’s been under construction. “[Capricorn is] concerned with this idea of ascension of arduous difficulty – the image of a goat climbing up a mountain. New York is often described as having a sun in Capricorn with all this energy of ‘force’ and ‘pragmatism’; skyscrapers under construction are very much emblematic of that.” www.liveatsky.com AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18)

John Jay College of Criminal Justice, 524 W59th St - 10th/11th Ave Aquarius is another sign that is often challenging to peg down as it has more of an ‘otherworldly’ energy. Matassa used to teach at John Jay College and knows that, while it is a part of the public university system, for Aquarians it is something more. It was named after a revolutionary figure who was an abolitionist, active in the New York Manumission Society, and a human rights advocate. She says: “Aquarius is really this radical revolutionary energy, but uses that to transcend the self — how to form a community in an alternative way and break apart existing structures to challenge the system.” www.jjay.cuny.edu

PISCES (Feb 19-March 20)

Manhattan Community Boathouse, Pier 96, W56th St - Hudson River Pisces, the final sign of the zodiac, is the point where the ego is surrendered and we’re asked to join with something greater than ourselves. It’s also the fish sign, so the Manhattan Community Boathouse, a nonprofit organization that offers free kayaking and classes in the summer, jives with the peaceful water vibes. “I really liked this idea of Pisces getting on this little boat, drifting away from the island and just allowing [itself] to float out to sea. It can look back at the city and all the struggling of it and be able to release some of that to think about fusing with something greater,” she says. www.manhattancommunityboathouse.org www.streetsignsastrology.com www.mojaverising.com

EATING & DRINKING

WHICH BEER TYPE ARE YOU?

Halloween is a treat for beer lovers – and there’s a pumpkin brew for each one, says Ciera Coyan

IMAGE: ADRIEN POTIER

all is finally here and that means two things are suddenly everywhere in New York: pumpkin beers and Halloween pop-up stores. Costumes are great, but if you’re a bartender, people don’t need to be in costumes for you to tell what character they are. We see types all day long. Every bar, from dives to cocktail lounges, attracts a specific group, and beer bars are no exception. Wander into any beer bar and you’re guaranteed to run into the following types. Spotting them can be a great drinking game. Saddle up to the bar, get your favorite pumpkin beer in hand, and every time you spot one of the following take a sip. HIPSTER BEER SNOBS: Beer snobs are necessary patrons for any beer bar worth its salt. Sometimes they’re pretty cool and useful. If another customer asks me a question I don’t know the answer to, they can be like backup. The hipster beer snobs, however, are another story. They’re routinely unimpressed by any beer on tap but will talk your ear off about this one craft brewery in the middle of a magic forest that you need a treasure map to navigate and that brews one gallon a year of the most amazing beer the world has ever tasted. Trust them, you’ve never heard of it. Pumpkin beer of choice: Elysian Brewing Co Night Owl Pumpkin Ale. Or some pumpkin beer that doesn’t get distributed to the States.

Right: Happy Halloween! Ciera is lining up the pumpkin beers – but which one are you?

“They’ll talk your ear off about this one craft brewery in the middle of a magic forest that you need a treasure map to navigate.”

PERSON WHO THINKS THEY’RE A BEER SNOB: Even worse than a true beer snob is the person who thinks they know all about beer but doesn’t. They will constantly engage in what I call beer-one-up-ing. If you like a beer, they love it. If you visited a brewery, their friend started it. They’re less interested in talking beer and more interested in being an expert. Sadly for them, they aren’t. The best tactic for handling them is to smile and nod and, for your own sake, if they utter some misinformation do not correct them. It isn’t worth it. Pumpkin beer of choice: Southern Tier Pumpking. It’s ubiquitous and has the word ‘king’ in the title. They love it. PERSON WHO HAD ONE REALLY GREAT BEER ONCE AT THIS ONE BAR AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?: No, I don’t know the name of that one beer you had that was, “You know, kind of sweet but not. Like, medium colored? I think it was Belgian?” If that’s all you can remember of this beer you loved, let it go. You’re not going to find it. Let me help you pick a new one. Pumpkin beer of choice: “That one pumpkin beer I heard someone talking about three years ago...” PERSON WHO WANDERED INTO A BEER BAR ON ACCIDENT: They truly just want a Bud Light. They have no idea the bar they’re in and don’t particularly care. Just get them a beer. Pumpkin beer of choice: Shock Top Pumpkin Wheat.

STAFF SURVEY

Know anyone who works in Hell’s Kitchen who’d be great for the Staff Survey? Don’t keep them a secret, share the love with news@w42st.com

WHERE’S THE PARTY? When you’re an events coordinator, you always know the answer to that all-important question. Right, Dugaldo Estrada? How long have you worked at The OUT? I’ve been an events coordinator here for about four months now, but I was lucky to be welcomed by a few familiar faces as well as a healthy mix of veterans, all of whom I foresee taking embarrassing photos with at the holiday party this year.

ideas off of each other regularly. There’s a lot of impromptu brainstorming. A lot of jokes too. What’s the most fun part of working there? The day of the event is always the most fun. It’s what all the set-up, paperwork, and e-mails lead up to. Suddenly a quiet venue is transformed into a bustling cocktail party, art exhibit, or fashion show. There’s a lot of magic in that.

What’s an average shift like? Leading up to an event, there’s a lot of work to do at the desk: e-mailing, scheduling staff, ordering table cloths and things like that. But the day of the event is filled with a lot of running around and excitement. Sometimes you have to think on your feet to provide the best experience for the client and their guests, and that’s one of my favorite parts of the job.

What’s the secret to getting great service? Be open minded. Walking into a bar, restaurant or hotel is like walking into somebody’s home. You have to let the staff take care of you the way they know how. If you can handle that, you should be able to have a good time anywhere.

What is your favorite thing on the menu? At KTCHN, our in-house restaurant, I order the kale salad with grilled chicken a lot. This makes me look a little predictable in front of my boss, so every now and then I switch it up with a west coast burger just to throw her off. What is the question you’re most often asked by customers? “Where’s the after party?” This is a good thing because it means we’ve done our job, the event is going well, the guest is having a good time and they want more. I’m also asked where the bathroom is quite often.

IMAGE: ORTAL MIZRAHI

If you could serve anyone ...? If I could throw an event for anyone it would probably be a murder mystery dinner for Deborah Treisman and nine of her favorite eccentrics. I’m just not sure which drag queen would play the murder victim yet. What’s the team atmosphere like? In the office a lot of different departments are lined up and work side by side. It’s quite intimate. I find that, even though we all have our respective jobs, we bounce

Are there any other places you eat and drink in Hell’s Kitchen? Shout out to Sunac on 42nd St - 11th Ave. The salad bar is a work of art. I may have also been spotted at The Ritz on 46th St - 9th Ave for the occasional happy hour cocktail.

“I’m just not sure which drag queen would play the murder victim yet.”

What’s your favorite hidden gem in the ‘hood? Have you been to Rustic Table? It’s a great little café right next to The OUT. I have about two to three prosciutto mozzarella sandwiches there a week. Above: Events coordinator? That’s just the start of Dugaldo’s creative skills.

Do you have an alternative career? And will you still remember us when you’re rich and famous? You clocked me. I write short stories and draw on napkins. I usually post my work on blogaldo.com and, yes, of course I’ll remember you, for as long as we follow each other on Instagram.

THE OUT NYC (212) 947 2999 www.theoutnyc.com 510 W42ND ST - 10TH/11TH AVE

EATING & DRINKING

EASY DOES IT …

Yes, we know the temptation is to just glug it back, but take your time with your next glass of wine, suggests Jeremy Kaplan

ometimes people ask me: “How do you know so much about wine?” And my answer is always the same: “I don’t know a lot about it, but I do drink a lot!” However, I prefer to drink with people who also like wine – and who like good wine. This education truly began when I cut my teeth at the Tribeca restaurant Bouley, where I had the luxury of sampling wine with people who had been around the good stuff most of their professional lives and who also cared about what they were drinking. And I’m not talking about the customers; I’m talking about the staff. Every wine is a puzzle for the senses. It tantalises the eye, the nose, and the palate. So, though I like to slug back a big glass as much as the next guy, I take time to look at it, to smell it, to ponder the flavors and aromas. You’ll be surprised at how much there is in a glass of wine and how much you can learn just by taking a little time. But before you start, make sure your wine is at the proper temperature (for reds, and for whites), that you have good light in the room, that you have generous sized glasses and, most important, that they are clean. And that means no soap!

FIRST: THE LOOK

What a wine looks like can tell you a lot. Age. Acidity. Sugar. Alcohol. Geography. Perhaps something about the wine maker. And if you’re good, the varietal. Is the wine bright red like a ruby? Or is it coppery and brown like a brick? When you swirl the wine, does it drip down the inside of the glass evenly? Or is it broken up into ‘legs’ – little threads of wine which are separated by the alcohol as it rises off the surface. Is the wine viscous or fluid? Is there residue or particles in the glass – a sign it is either unfiltered, or unfined. Already we know so much about this wine.

and riesling a floral quality. Zingerone gives syrah spiciness; damascenone provides pinot noir with notes of vanilin, and on and on. But that is just the beginning. Different types of wood barrels can provide both aroma and taste. Yeasts when manufactured can provide almost any aroma you desire, while wild yeast can pull you in any direction. So as you’re smelling a wine (and look for odors that represent flaws too) just take your time. You might smell something familiar – flowers, honey, plums, blackberries. Or something less familiar – leather, tobacco, earth, or barnyard aromas. And if it smells bad, don’t drink it.

Above: First, look at your wine – you can tell a lot before you even take a taste.

“Every wine is a puzzle for the senses. It tantalises the eye, the nose, and the palate.”

CORK TALK SIGHT

SMELL

SECOND: THE SMELL

This is a very important step, in that the human body is able to smell over one trillion different aromas and aroma combinations, but the reality is more like 800. And though that sounds like a lot, it is best to concentrate your efforts around some basic categories: woody, sweet, floral, citrus. Oddly, wine rarely smells like the fruit it came from, grapes. Different compounds in grapes give each varietal distinct aromas. Both cabernet sauvignon and sauvignon blanc contain methoxypyrazine, which gives a distinctive grassy, herbaceous aroma. Monoterpenes provide muscat

disappoint. $18

Thick-skinned grapes with long skin contact makes Clos du Roy from Fronsac deep and dark. $24 All rieslings have a floral, delicate nose, and Petri Herxheimer Honigsack from the Pfalz doesn’t

TASTE

Chablis comes from soil composed of limestone, clay, and fossilized oyster shells. Kimmeridge clay gives this chardonnay a distinctive, refreshing, flinty/steely quality. $35

EATING & DRINKING COCKTAIL OF THE MONTH

Ingedients 1½ oz pumpkin puree (the bartender uses canned organic pumpkin pie purée) 1½ oz Absolute Vanilla Vodka 2 oz apple cider 1½ oz ginger beer Spicy pumpkin seeds (for garnish) Method Shake all the ingredients and strain on to ice. Garnish with spicy pumpkin seeds and drink.

THE PRESS LOUNGE Ink 48, 11th Ave - 48th St

IMAGE: ROBIN RILEY (WWW.ROBINRILEYPHOTOGRAPHY.COM)

THE MULLER

REAL ESTATE

TREATS, NOT TRICKS Don’t get spooked this Halloween, says Ian T D Smith. Play the brokers at their own game

ctober is when we welcome the changing of the leaves, the break from the oppressive summer heat in the city, and celebrate our favorite spooky holiday. It’s also a great time to look at apartments – leftover summer inventory and less competition makes it an ideal time of year. This month’s article is all about how to avoid the tricks played on you by the city’s brokers and get welcomed into the beautiful treat that is a brand new apartment.

IMAGE: NACHO GUEVARA

“Most New Yorkers feel that the worst part of dealing with an agent is the generally unscrupulous methods they use.” Real estate agents work pretty hard and do their best in a very competitive and crowded marketplace. Surely you’ve seen them walking up 9th Ave trying unsuccessfully to introduce the neighborhood to the clients they have in tow. Other than exorbitant fees, most New Yorkers feel that the worst part of dealing with an agent is the generally unscrupulous methods they use to get you to contact them. The bait and switch (or a more salesfriendly term, the lost leader) is the main technique used by rental agents to get you to call. The bait and switch is simple: you see a great apartment online, perfect pictures, fantastic layout, and a great view. You contact the agent. You: “I’m very interested in seeing the apartment advertised.” Agent: “Oh yes, (insert sales talk). Tell me more about what you are looking for?”

You (getting annoyed): “I’m looking for the unit. When can we see this apartment?” Agent: “Hold on, let me check (pause). Oh, I’m sorry, that unit is no longer available but I have a great place in the same building. It’s a basement apartment, for only $400 more.” You: “Ugh! OK, I’ll check it out.” Real estate agents are counting on your frustration to make poor decisions in the example I just gave. The worst kind of bait and switch also occurs when you have booked an appointment and, shortly before, the agent lets you know the unit is no longer available. But ... there’s something nearby that s/he would like to show you. Instead of falling victim to this common trick, here are some strategies:

Ask the agent whether this unit is an exclusive. Agents want to move their exclusive listings as quickly as possible to maintain the best relationship with their landlord/owner and are unlikely to bait and switch you on this.

Above: Ian at home with his cat – waiting for the trick or treaters to come knocking!

Ask for the address. Most agents won’t give this to you because they don’t want you contacting management directly, but it’s always worth a shot.

Check the agent’s other listings. If they have more than 20 listings in the area, they probably specialize and won’t waste your time the way someone who is a generalist will.

Check for duplicate listings. See if other agents at the same firm are advertising the same apartment. Usually this indicates that it is bait used by that company to lure you in. Good luck avoiding this dirty trick and have a Happy Halloween. Ian TD Smith is a licensed real estate broker. Contact him at ian@adomee.com

REAL ESTATE

REALTY BITES You think it’s tough finding an apartment in New York City? Ha! Try being a real estate broker ...

f a Manhattan real estate broker needs any special skill at all, it is surely the ability to stay smiling, whatever the day, your picky clients, or nightmare demanding boss may throw your way. Fortunately for Matt Bauman, he learned from the master. For the star of ABC Family’s Next Step Realty NYC show started his career as an assistant for the indomitable Joan Rivers, cataloging her lifetime of acid one-liners, helping her learn her scripts, as well as ordering cabs and getting her coffee (always decaf). “Oh man! Joan is, to this day, one of the most wonderful women I have ever met (fourth only to my mother and grandmothers),” says Matt now. “In fact, she became like a surrogate grandmother to me and took me under her wing – caring for and even cooking for me on rare occasions. I had a few moments where I asked her to pinch me because I couldn’t believe I was actually sitting across the table from THE Joan Rivers. She refused, claiming it would mess up her manicure.” His days were spent going through an entire wall of Dewey Decimal files in her old apartment on East 62nd St, each one filled with jokes scribbled down on index cards. “Every day, I sifted through these cards and typed them up on my computer. During my first week, I digitalized quips about anorexia, Alan Alda and ‘Advice Melissa Gave Me,’ to name a few.” He also helped her learn lines for the one-woman show she was taking to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. “We quickly formed this strange, familial bond and suddenly she was asking me to accompany her to Scotland for the Fringe Festival. She hired me to work on the show and even went so far as to write a small part into the play for me, as she knew I loved theater. “I was only a junior in college at the time, so when the show was over, so was my position. We kept in touch over the

Above: Matt and Suzie Bauman.

“Hell’s Kitchen has this great community feel while never forgetting its New York roots. I mean, why move to New York City if you want to forget you’re in New York City?” years, but I wish I was able to see her more when I finally moved to NY. I can’t believe she’s gone. The world became much less funny when she passed.” However, the experience has been invaluable in his job as a real-life broker

… and as a star of the docu-series that follows himself and his colleagues’ personal and professional conflicts. “I took so many things out of my experience working with Joan,” he says, “but mainly I admired her work ethic. I would roll into work some mornings exhausted for no good reason, and there was Joan, a lady in her mid-70s, running around looking completely polished after numerous meetings with QVC, her book editors, and Melissa (her daughter). And it was only 8:30 in the morning! Joan loved working. If she wasn’t working, she knew she was dead (I’d say that joke was ‘too soon,’ but Joan would appreciate the morbid humor). “Every day, I attempt to approach my career as a real estate broker with at least a tenth of the zeal Joan had for her career. It makes the work feel less like ‘work.’ As for my television career? I have always wanted to be a performer, so I’m having the time of my life. Joan would be so proud.”

REAL ESTATE

A lot of the clients he works with are new transplants to the city – which brings its own challenges. “To them, their price point should get them a lot of space. It’s equal parts hilarious and terrifying when I see the look on a client’s face when he or she is expecting a mansion like the one they have in Nebraska or Ohio for $2,000 a month, and instead gets a shoebox. “I once had a woman who specifically wanted an apartment that did not have a recent death in it,” he laughs. “I am good at my job, but I am no psychic medium with the power to speak to dead prior tenants.

“I once had a woman who wanted an apartment that did not have a recent death in it. I am good at my job, but I am no psychic medium.” And if it’s not in the public record (ie a murder), I have no idea if someone passed away in a specific apartment. So to calm her fears, I brought in a reiki healer and we ‘saged’ the apartment before she moved in. She just renewed her lease, so I believe the sage worked!” For the rest of us simply wanting a great deal, he has these words of advice: “Aside from using a talented real estate broker (hint hint), I always tell my buyers, sellers, renters, and landlords that the key to getting a great deal is to approach each customer interaction as a win-win situation. A lot of people think negotiating is about win-lose, where one party clearly got the better end of the deal, but that approach accomplishes nothing and actually may hurt your position.

Above: Shaking on it: Matt and David Ghysels.

“I’ve won more bidding wars for my clients by using this collaborative over combative strategy. We all have the same goal, it’s just a matter of how we get there.” He still harbours a dream of one day performing on Broadway … though these days he’s a little more realistic. “Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be on Broadway. My dreams have been shifted and adjusted by the harsh realities of ‘making it’ on the Great White Way, which is what ultimately led me to become a real estate broker. But I still have that nagging feeling of wanting to be on stage, and it doesn’t seem to be going away.” In the meantime, he’s waiting in the wings from his home in Hell’s Kitchen. “I’m from Long Island, and when I was younger I used to visit the city by way of Penn Station. So, for as long as I can remember, the West Side was always New York City to me. I memorized the routes of the A, C, E and 1 & 9 trains (remember the 9?!). I don’t even think I ventured east of 6th Ave until I moved here in 2010. So I always knew I wanted to be on the West Side, and my desire to be an actor furthered my investigation into HK. “I love how Hell’s Kitchen feels like the perfect blend of urban and suburban New York, all at the same time. Some neighborhoods tip the scale too much in one direction – either being too commercial or too residential. Hell’s Kitchen has this great community feel while never forgetting its New York roots. I mean, why move to New York City if you want to forget you’re in New York City? “I love the convenience of everything. There are so many grocery stores, drug stores, restaurants, and bars. You never have to leave the neighborhood for any of your needs. But if you’re looking to venture out, the subways are all so conveniently placed in and around Hell’s Kitchen. After living in Astoria and relying on just the N/Q, or in Williamsburg and relying on the dreaded L, I am so happy I get to call Columbus Circle and all its various trains my own transportation hub.” Even the area’s onetime – ahem – image problem is becoming a thing of the past, he says. “In the short five years I’ve been here, the area has grown and developed immensely. Gone are the days of the ‘sketchy’ Hell’s Kitchen my parents reminded me of. It is now very performer, family, and business-friendly, and the real estate prices are matching that demand.” www.abcfamily.com

THE BEST OF HK … For dog owners: Silver Towers (610620 W42nd St). The Spot Experience on the lobby level is a 9,000 square foot facility that makes taking care of a dog as convenient as simply going downstairs.

For gym lovers: Mercedes House (550 W 54th St) – one of the nicest gyms I’ve ever seen in a residential building. And that pool!

For families: Anything on West 55th St - 8th and 9th Ave. I love how the Block Association decorates the trees during the holidays. It is so perfectly residential and feels like a slice of suburbia in the middle of NYC. For outdoors lovers: Central Park Place (301 West 57th St) – if you’re lucky, you can see Central Park from your apartment.

For when money’s no object: Sky (605 West 42nd St) – the building looks incredible, and the amenities are unmatched.

PROPERTY

REAL ESTATE

FEEL THE HEAT

Bold, spicy colors mean it’s always summer in this penthouse apartment

s the evenings get darker and we turn our lights – and our heating – on earlier, one Hell’s Kitchen couple will still be basking in a slice of exotic summer sunshine. Their modern, three-bed apartment started life as a blank canvas – pure white. It was clean and bright, sure, but where was the personality? Enter Bhavin Taylor, a London-based interior designer who just happened to be in the right place at the right time. “While traveling in the States I was approached to take on this project, which was an opportunity I wasn’t going to turn down,” he says. The sprawling penthouse space is spread over three floors. The lower floor has two bedrooms, both with en-suites; the main floor has an open-plan living space, a kitchen, and a third bedroom and bathroom, while the top floor is a large roof terrace overlooking the city. Jealous much? “The brief was quite open,” says Bhavin, “as the clients were looking for the design direction from me. They did initially ask that the design was something simple and modern that would suit the style of the building. They showed me some images from magazines that they liked that were quite plain and muted, mainly in a cream/beige colour scheme with very subtle accents of colour. They also wanted to take advantage of the high ceilings and quirky shapes that the sloped ceilings made. “As you can see, I went in the total opposite direction. I believe your home should reflect who you are and, as the clients were young and vibrant, it was important that I created them a home that reflected their personalities – which is far from beige. It was also important for the apartment to fit into its surrounding area so I had to bring in the vibrancy of Hell’s Kitchen too.” The clients – a young couple in their mid to late 20s, one working in finance,

Opposite page: An all-over pattern wall covering in the living room. Above: More bold wall choices in the bedroom. Right: Cushions add a blast of color and warmth.

continued over

IMAGES: TR APPLETON

REAL ESTATE the other in marketing – took a little persuading to give up on their beige vision, admits Bhavin. “There was a lot of back and forth conversation to convince them to trust me, which luckily got easier when the decor started to be installed and they could see how it was all coming together. “The living room design was based around the custom rug which I created using different designs from Flor. And as I was able to show them how it would potentially look in the supplier’s Soho showroom, I think was the turning point that gave them the confidence to say yes to the bold choices.” The result feels warm and exotic, with spice market colors like chilli reds, saffron oranges, turmeric yellows. “That’s definitely a signature style of mine,” says Bhavin. “My personality is quite bright and cheerful so I’m certain this influences my design style too. “I have a keen passion for color and pattern, and find that using plainer walls creates the perfect backdrop. I do also like to make bold statements, which is evident in this apartment in the orange wall colour in the living room and the all-over statement wallpaper in the master bedroom. “I’d love to be able to take this even further,” he adds, “and really layer pattern on pattern without the white walls. However, I’m yet to find a client who is bold enough for this design style, but I’m sure they’ll come along one day...” The Asian/ethnic influence wasn’t a deliberate one. “However, I believe my passion for strong colours and patterns comes from my Indian background, which must play subconsciously in my design choices. Being brought up surrounded by colorful clothing, cultural festivals, big Indian weddings, etc have definitely been an influence for me.” While some of furniture looks vintage, it is all, in fact, brand new – “but it’s great that it doesn’t come across as all shiny and new,” says Bhavin. “The colorful armchair, along with some of the other pieces of furniture, came from Room and Board. There are also purchases from West Elm and Urban Outfitters. The vinyl artwork was created by the client, which I was keen to use as it makes the space personal to them.” Still shy of bringing the sunshine indoors? Bhavin has these words of advice: “Be strong and go for it! Always remember that nothing is permanent

Clockwise from top left: The master bedroom; yellow towels bring color to an otherwise all-white bathroom; Bhavin at the breakfast bar. Right: That bright orange wall.

“Being brought up surrounded by colorful clothing, cultural festivals, big Indian weddings have definitely been an influence.”

and can be changed. If it’s your first time, start with things like accessories or a painted wall as these are inexpensive to change if you decide you don’t like them. “Also, take it slowly – start with one color, get used to that, then slowly add another. “If you’re unsure what colors work together, take inspiration from nature, especially flowers. Next time you walk past a flower shop take a look at the colors and see what takes your fancy, or look at flowers that are made up of different colors and use that as a starting point. “Don’t be afraid to take the step as, I can guarantee, once you start you’ll look back and ask yourself, ‘What was I ever afraid off?’” www.bhavintaylordesign.com

PROPERTY

REAL ESTATE

Thing s are looking up Sorry, people, there’s no easy way to say this: the nights are getting darker and winter is headed this way. But let us lighten the mood … NEW YORK CANDLE

People say that every 10 steps in New York City brings a new smell to your nostrils. With R Nichols’ candle, that smell will be a pleasant one. Made with a soy and premium paraffin wax blend, it boasts a 12% fragrance oil content that doesn’t come from the residue of the trash piles you stepped in last week. $38, www.r-nichols.com

STARBRIGHT MTA POSTER

VINTAGE LIGHT FITTING

This unique Italian-made ceiling light was created 12 years ago from flexible aluminum and contains a frosted glass core. $650, www.cityknickerbocker.com

50 SHADES OF CHICKEN

Now your grandma’s crowd-pleasing chocolate chip cookie recipe won’t be the only secret you keep in the kitchen. This parody cookbook from Random House is sure to arouse your tastebuds and make every meal a hot one. $19.99, www. delphiniumhome. com

Artist Yuko Shimizu has created a childlike fantasy from Grand Central Terminal’s iconic ceiling, where the zodiac symbols come alive and children float to the sky to catch a ride. $20, www.nytransitmuseumstore.com

REAL ESTATE ADMIT ONE TRAY

Tickets play an integral role in every New Yorker’s life: whether you’re waiting for a show or waiting at the deli, paying your parking fine or picking up your dry cleaning. These bold serving dishes are a fun way to commemorate the little slip of paper we’ve come to rely on. $10.95, www.fishseddy.com

DARK LILIES

Get all the romantic flair for date night without the cliché of roses. This Film Noir arrangement of arum lilies is perfect for New Yorkers who want to showcase their dark and mysterious side. $150, www.prudencedesignsnyc.com

STAINLESS STEEL COCKTAIL SHAKER

Mix drinks like a pro from the Prohibition era with this dapperlooking cocktail shaker. $39, www.fineanddandyshop.com

MOON DOMINOS

The NYC makers Fredericks & Mae have created an innovative design for the classic game that uses phases of the moon to replace the standard dots. $48, www.thestore.madmuseum.org

G-HOLD

This high-tech, space-age gizmo attaches seamlessly to the back of any smooth surface – tablets, minis, readers, phones – giving you a secure, 360-degree grip. It can then be easily removed and re-used again and again. A new addition to the range is a choice of planets: the Moon, Neptune, Pluto, or good old Earth. Out of this world! $34.95, www.bhphotovideo.com; www.g-hold.com

CAMPFIRE COTTON HANDKERCHIEF

Get all the quaintness of rural living without leaving your bustling metropolitan life. Our friends at Fine and Dandy teach you how to make a campfire on this handmade handkerchief -- you never know when you might need this skill, especially with winter right around the corner (sorry). $29, www.fineanddandyshop.com

GALLERY

#W42ST Hashtag your Instagram pics and they could star in the mag!

Comic Con comes to Hell’s Kitchen this month, so we couldn’t resist Better Being’s stellar Star Wars cupcakes. And the rest of our Instagram community has been just as creative – people, we’re loving your work. Remember, anyone can get involved -- just tag your pics #W42ST and they just might end up in the next issue of the magazine. Happy snapping!

GALLERY

HEALTH & FITNESS

Paddle Off the Mainstream

Brooke Blocker salutes the sun from Manhattan’s most unique yoga class

icture yourself on a board on a river, with cityscape views and marmalade skies. Follow the boardwalk at Pier 84, right off 44th St and the Hudson River Greenway, and it feels as though you’ve been transported to a different city. There’s a laid-back surfer vibe that resonates in Manhattan Kayak Company. Instant relaxation. And, believe it or not, you can even bring your dog! Eric Stiller, the owner, has constructed an environment unlike anywhere else in New York City, creating memorable

“While it only takes several strokes to get the hang of it, those several strokes quickly ignite your abs, obliques, quads, and hips.”

experiences not only for tourists, but also for residents: nearly 50 kayaking and SUP classes and tours a week. The tours are a wonderful way to explore the city in a uniquely active way. View the Statue of Liberty up close and personal on your own vessel; paddle to New Jersey for a taste of Little Japan and shop the Japanese Market; or try their most popular offering, New York After Dark, where adventurers view the sunset sparkling on the Hudson as daytime shifts to night and the city lights up.

Above: And breathe ... Brooke finds her center.

HEALTH & FITNESS As an added bonus, every MKC experience comes with complimentary, sweeping 360-degree views. To the west, find the sun setting over New Jersey. To the south, the Freedom Tower stands tall and proud over the downtown skyline. To the north sits the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum with fighter jets on deck. And to the East, catch the Empire State Building’s light display among the radiant Midtown panorama. It’s truly a breathtaking scene. Instructors guide each class through a basic understanding of paddling and safety before embarking on the water. They are extremely knowledgeable and provide peace of mind, knowing they’ve taught proper technique and safety. You probably won’t fall in (depending on the state of the current), but even if you do, all students wear lifejackets. During my Beachfit Bootcamp, students developed paddling skills using

MKC’s core-centric approach that utilizes hip-hinging as the main propellant. While it only takes several strokes to get the hang of it, those several strokes quickly ignite your abs, obliques, quads, and hips. Eric also taught us the key components of weight distribution and board control. As the sun set in the distance, we worked through drills, practising turns and maneuvering around buoys. Class also involved squats, planks, and abdominal work. After sprinting to the opposite side of the inlet, we ended class by paddling out into the Hudson. The current and wake rapidly changed, picking up strength the further we went – a great precursor to what to expect with more advanced classes/tours. Samantha taught the SUP Yoga class which utilized a unique anchoring

IMAGES: PHIL O’BRIEN

“Hell’s Kitchen literally warmed me in those moments. Nearby, the city chaos was in full force: the honking of rush hour traffic, the construction.”

system as we hooked the boards to a line in the water. Poses that were usually effortless became a challenge due to the ancillary balancing element. The final pose in both SUP classes was savasana, a final resting pose wherein students lie in a supine position. It was a chance to lie in the Hudson River and feel the sun reflecting off the skyscrapers onto my body. Hell’s Kitchen literally warmed me in those moments. Nearby, the city chaos was in full force: the honking of rush hour traffic, the noise of incessant construction, the swarms of people. But there I lay, floating around the embayment with only the calming

Above: Paddlers get a unique view of the Manhattan sunset from the water.

sound of rippling water at my ears. Pure bliss. Although Manhattanites are technically islanders, we rarely make it in or on the water. If you’re anything like me, you may frequently find yourself strolling the Hudson River Greenway longingly staring at the river from the railing. MKC offers a chance to get out there, a freeing feeling, and shows our city from a different perspective. And while the outdoor classes and tours finish later this month (check the website for details), look out for a fall program, which includes a land class, Primal Outdoor Fitness. www.manhattankayak.com

DATING

TALES FROM THE SHALLOW END Mary Geneva dips her toe in the Manhattan dating pool

o be honest, I never should have agreed to a date with the man I call Anger Management in the first place. He was from Weehawken, FFS! However, he looked amazing on paper. He was tall, great looking, an athlete, and had a nice, stable job at a bank. Who wouldn’t bend the rules for a catch like that? Not only did I bend the rules for AM, we actually made it to the elusive fifth date. We reached this milestone despite the fact that red flags were waving long before the incident that earned him his nickname. Basically, he seemed to have a bit of a temper. An edge. A weird vibe that indicated he might blow at any moment. But he didn’t. Until that fifth date. He took me to his favorite restaurant, a ‘quaint’ (I use that term generously) cafeteria-style barbecue place with karaoke in Chelsea. We each received a ticket, then proceeded like high school students with trays in hand along the counter, where we selected our food from cafeteria-style delights. Then the server punched our tickets. Classy, no? Still, we wound up having a blast. The chemistry between us was electric. Finally, it was time to move on. That meant providing the checkout girl with our tickets so we could pay. AM’s ticket came in at a reasonable $40, while mine somehow totaled a whopping $120. Those were some pricey green beans, I guess. Now, I always offer to split the check with my dates, but AM was too gentlemanly to allow this. On our previous dates, we followed his suggestion that I pay for the drinks and he pay for the food. However, this time I suggested we split the bill 50/50. He didn’t seem to like this suggestion. His entire demeanor changed. And as the line grew, he violently slapped his credit

“I wound up telling him the whole story of my verbal assault and almost battery at the hands of an unhinged giant from Jersey.” card on the register and stormed out. I ran after him, as he screamed like a man possessed, ranting about how he’d taken me out to dinner three times and I had never offered to pay. This, of course, was wrong, meaning he was delusional. More important, he was terrifying. He was a full foot taller than me and was screaming as if he was about to cut my throat right there. Was he bipolar? Did he

have multiple personality disorder? Is this how it all started with Ted Bundy? Then, mercifully, he left me on the corner, but only after his unforgettable parting words: “This is why you are beautiful, almost 30, and ALONE!” I headed to the subway, dazed, but relieved the whole ugly scene was over. I bummed a cigarette from a guy to calm my nerves and wound up telling him the whole story of my verbal assault and almost battery at the hands of an unhinged giant from Jersey. As if to prove chivalry isn’t entirely dead, cigarette guy invited me to his party. Instead of going home and crying in my vodka and soda (again), I met a great guy, went to a party, and had a blast. What’s the moral? For me, it’s to squash that part that wants to give guys the benefit of the doubt, and take heed of ed flags. After all, they say Ted Bundy was hot, too.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Mary Geneva is a sales professional by day and semi-reformedhopelessromantic serial dater by night. Married at 21, divorced at 26, she and her rescued pets, pup Valentino and kitty Diva, were left to learn how to balance their checkbook. In her book Nicknames, Mary tiptoes back into the dating pool accumulating many late-night, drunken scraps of paper and text messages outlining unbelievable – yet totally true – events. Knowing she couldn’t make this shit up, she stored the memories away to finally share with you. Undaunted, Mary lives, works, and plays in New York City, and calls Hell’s Kitchen home. Follow her adventures on Twitter and Instagram @marygeneva nyc. You can buy Nicknames on www. nicknamesnyc. com. Stay tuned for Mary’s next Nickname in the November issue of W42ST.

RIDE LOCAL

FIRST RIDE ON US* 419 WEST 55TH STREET/NYC

MIDTOWN WEST’S ONLY BOUTIQUE INDOOR CYCLING STUDIO 212-776-4335 WWW.REVOLUTIONS55.COM * COMPLIMENTARY RIDE WITH REGISTRATION. $28 + TAX VALUE.

HEALTH & FITNESS

A life unplugged

We can’t escape our dependence on technology, but we can stop it destroying our ability to connect in the real world, says Dr Tama Lane of technology yanks us away from each other and our lives. Digital connection provides the illusion of companionship without the topsy-turvy demands of reallife relationships. Humanity’s core desire is to connect with humanity – not Facebook, Snapchat, or Twitter. But the more we connect through technology, the more that goal becomes elusive. Our feelings, fears, vulnerabilities, passions, and dreams provide meaning to our existence. This insight is cultivated through selfawareness. But the proliferation of computer-mediated communication forfeits the gift of introspection by solving our problems the digitally convenient way. For instance, when we experience loneliness, we feel anxious, panicked, sad, isolated. To stave that off, we often reach for our smart phones – text, check emails, play games. A quick fix. But is the problem solved? Sally Field: You like me, you really do! Descartes is credited with the

proposition: “I think, therefore I am.” Perhaps in this tech generation, the proposition would read: “I post, I share, I text, therefore I am.” Most of us want to be liked and we often seek validation of our experiences, thoughts, and feelings through digital convenience. We’re plugged in, but tuned out, gradually losing the ability to self-validate, feel, and truly know thyself. Use it or lose it The science of human connection tells us to use it or lose it. True, human relationships are risky and deep connections are often difficult to attain. However, if we don’t exercise our ability to have those face-to-face moments, we lose our biological capacity to deal with the less convenient, more unpredictable human relationships in our life. Technology is empowering, and has redefined human attachments. But we can make the choice to reconnect with humanity, and ourselves, make room for solitude, and discover life unplugged.

Dr Tama Lane is a clinical psychologist. She has her private practice of the UWS (www.nypng. com) and is an activist for survivors of trauma and torture. You can email her at drtamalane@ gmail.com, twitter @DrTamaLane, Facebook Dr Tama Lane

ILLUSTRATION: ALISA KRUTOVSKY

he core themes of Her – the 2013 Spike Jonze sci-fi movie starring Joaquin Phoenix – captured my imagination and ignited numerous late-night discussions about the social and deeply emotional bonds we form through our relationships with the digital world. Simply, Her is about love. Men and women connect, not to each other, but with an OS (Operating System) that provides ‘predictable,’ nearly instantaneous gratification, perfect unconditional and uncomplicated companionship, and emotional intimacy (far more powerful than physical). No need for Match.com! Conversely, we see a world devoid of human interaction and limited capacity to connect and form ‘unpredictable’ human relationships. The question is: is this the future or now? A confession: I’m smitten with technology. In modern culture, phones, tablets, social media are all the essential blueprints of human interaction. On the flipside, the unyielding lasso

PETS

Wagging Diva

Human’s name: Aimee. Breed: Chihuahua. Age: Five and a half. What makes me bark: When there’s someone at the door. Three words that describe me best: A diva, friendly, and smart. My confession: In the middle of the night, I love to take my favorite toy and play. Then after I wake up my mom I get back into bed, give her the puppy eyes and snuggle right next to her so she’s not upset that I woke her. Works every time :) Instadog: @therealbabydiva

Valentino Human’s name: Mary Breed: 100% shelter dog. I’m a rescue from Arkansas but was told I’m a cross between terrier and chihuahua. Age: Four. What makes me bark: Wheels, large dogs, squirrels, and knocking on the door. Three words that describe me best: Original, engaging, animated. My confession: I love chasing squirrels and rats on the street; sizing up my human’s dates; and think I can beat up the mastiff down the block. Instadog: @Valentino_or_Val

Valentino Human’s name: Adam. Breed: French bulldog. Age: One year three months. What makes me bark: I bark when I say “I love you.” Three words that describe me best: Man’s Best Friend. My confession: Honestly, my human says I have no bad behaviors – I’m really a great breed and good boy.

tales

These camera-happy canines took a time out from the morning stroll for a quick Q&A with W42ST

Take a

bow-wow

Mabel and Matilda Humans: Eric and Sarah. Age: Matilda is two; Mabel 11 months. Breed: Mini bulldogs. What makes us bark: Matilda: Umbrellas, any Game of Thrones scene with ravens or horses. Mabel: Anytime my humans come home, when I hear the pots and pans in the kitchen, if I want to play and everyone else wants to sleep. Three words that describe us best: Matilda: Independent, intelligent, gentle. Mabel: Joyful, athletic, supercuddly. Our confessions: Matilda: I consider myself the best at “roll-over”. I’ve even been known to offer several in a row. Anything for a treat! Mabel: I love to wrestle with Matilda. If ever I feel she’s getting an advantage, I ankle bite her. She hates it and I win!

PETS

Cooper Breed: Golden retriever. Age: Four years, nine months. Human’s name: Michele. What makes me bark: When I am hungry. Three words that describe me best: Goofy, smiley, dapper. My confession: I secretly think I am human so I like giving hugs to people on the street. Instadog: @cooperisthebestdog

o many of you have contacted us, asking how your own happy hound can be included in Wagging Tales. Well, we’ve heard your pleas, duly considered them, and thought, hey, what the heck, why not? (We must have been barking mad not to have thought of it sooner!) This all means, of course, that you can now send us the finest photograph you can find of your furry best friend, answer the questions below, then cross your paws you’ll be included in our monthly column of local canine celebrities. Your name: Dog’s name: Breed: How old? What makes your dog bark? Three words that describe them best: Naughty confessions (dish the dirt – not literally, of course!): Got that? Send everything off to us at waggingtales@w42st.com and we’ll do the rest.

PETS

dog wal ker The secret diary of a

ILLUSTRATION AND WORDS: CORY CANNATARO

NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT

Ever wondered what happens to our beloved pups when we go out to work? Now Dina can reveal all …

i, I’m Dina the dog walker. You’ve probably seen me walking by Pier 84 with a posse of midtown hounds surrounding me, glasses falling off my head, and a Starbucks double shot latte in my hand. I’m the modern day Pigeon Lady from Home Alone 2, but with dogs instead of pigeons. And I hope a better looking wardrobe, though I’ve been known to throw on some bizarre outfits while sleep-dressing in the morning. But, with about 70% of my clientele being gay male couples, I get some honest truths. I’ve been walking dogs in Hell’s Kitchen for 15 years. I used to work in the corporate world but let’s just say it wasn’t my cup of tea, and one weekend, after two nights of watching my neighbor’s elderly Italian greyhound Rosie, I found my calling. There was a loss in my income at the beginning, of course, but as clients saw how dedicated I was to their dogs, I was flooded with referrals. Even better, I work in my favorite part of the city. I’m telling you, from the Theater District to Restaurant Row to the beautiful Hudson River, it’s pretty perfect. Dogs have it even better. Hell’s Kitchen offers more dog-friendly housing than most other neighborhoods in the city. Add three dog parks within a 10-block radius, three veterinary clinics, a specialty veterinary ER Blue Pearl, six pet stores, and four different establishments for doggie grooming, you’ve got an ideally suited turf for these dogs. I work with ALL types of dogs and, I kid you not, see some of the funniest, scariest, and just straight up abnormal things every day. Whether it’s a new behavior one of my younger pups is deciding to debut, or a daily behavior of one of my old timers, my day can be

handed me Harvey’s leash. She seemed in a rush, I wasn’t sure. I was also not aware of Harvey’s SEVERE separation anxiety. After destroying a pile of garbage bags and almost knocking down two

“I never told the owner. But I did find out later that the separation anxiety only escalated.”

Above: Poor Harvey, the beautiful Great Dane, needed more than a poop scoop on his walk.

quite unpredictable. There’s Lucy, the “Everything’s Edible English bulldog”, who tries to eat whatever she can get her paws on. I’ve got Bentley, my beautiful photogenic weimaraner. Bentley is living a model’s life and always looks as though he’s posing for a picture. There are my “Three Stooges”, the Boston terriers Popeye, Rambo, and Brinkley. These birth brothers walk in a tight pack, separate from the rest, always managing to trip over each other and start a trickle effect of barking. And don’t forget my star student maltipoo, Sprinkles. She’s a delight! My main goal is to keep both owner and dog happy. But sometimes I may have to keep a little secret to keep the owner smiling. So, I walk this beautiful great Dane named Harvey, whose owner had left that morning for vacation. A friend was staying at her apartment to watch Harvey. I got to the door. The friend, looking a bit uneasy, answered and

strangers, we continued our walk. All of a sudden he went limp, ceased breathing, and his heart gave out. I gave him CPR right then and there. He finally started breathing again, about 20 seconds or so later … the longest 20 seconds of my life! Thank God I am CPR certified by the Red Cross. I never told the owner – I knew Harvey was OK. But I did find out later that the separation anxiety only escalated, and let’s just say the entire living room had to be refurbished. They may also have lost a friend. There was a point I thought I was never going to have a permanent career, or figure out what I was supposed to be. Luckily, when I finally gave up on trying to figure it out, I walked right into not only a job, but a job I loved. These dogs are all individuals who I can honestly say I know on a personal level. Each of them has different stories that are wild, funny, crazy, heart breaking, and just pure entertainment. I’m excited to share the mishaps, misadventures, and ridiculousness me and my mutts experience every day in Hell’s Kitchen. I’ll have more tales next month …

PETS

Creature comforts Trick or treating isn’t just for the kids. Seriously, what’s even the point of having a pet if you can’t dress them up as an AT-AT? Are we right?

NERDGASM

GETTING PERSONAL

Star Wars costume, $25.97, www.baxterboo.com

Customizable leash, from $30, www.funnyfur.com

SPOOKED

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA PUPPY

Skeleton costume, $4.99, www.drsfostersmith.com

Ninja Turtle costume, $17.98, www.amazon.com

OK, so we were looking for any costume for dogs, for Halloween and, let’s face it, just for giggles. Anyway, we found this amazing creation. This is not the dog you are looking for ...

Boo! Put this skeleton in your pet’s closet for bone-chilling fun this Halloween. Plus, it glows in the dark, so even on the darkest of nights, you’ll be able to track them down.

Choose a color, dog’s breed, font – everything about this retractable leash is up for discussion. You’re in charge. For a change. Usually that’s your dog’s job.

Teenage mutant ninja ...wait, what? That’s not a turtle. We can’t promise your hound will develop any kind of superpowers, or a passion for pizza. Then again ...

PETS

SWEET!

WHAT A HOOT!

GIVE THE DOG A BONE

$7.99, www.thecherryshare.com

Owl Catnip, $10, www.etsy.com

Ibone, $15, www.trixieandpeanut.com

WHAT’S COOKING?

BAG IT UP

NEW COAT

Dog lobster costume, from $10.99, www.entirelypets.com

Purse toy, $14, www.poochieheaven.com

Pet paint, $9.99, www.petpaint.com

For starters, let’s make it clear you should’t feed your dog any human candies as it can be very toxic for them. However, that doesn’t mean they have to be left out. Give them these treats instead.

OK, if we didn’t get pets for the sole purpose of dressing them up, then what’s the point? Made to feel comfortable, this lobster suit fits using velcro fastening and comes in XS to XL.

It’s October, and your cat’s spooked by all the fireworms. Give them a little owl companion (OK, we actually thought this was a slice of toast!) and watch them revert to the wild hunter you know they are.

All those toys, snacks, poop bags – they have to go somewhere, right? Stash ‘em in this – forgive us – BARKS Fifth Avenue purse and make every walkies an exercise in iconic(ish) style.

Techonology moves on relentlessly and we’re always updating our personal communication devices – at great expense. Stop your hound chewing your very latest iPhone by giving them one of their own.

This pet-friendly spray paint is vet tested, long lasting, safe for one and all, available in colors from Beagle Blue to Greyhound Green and everything in between. Let the Halloween fun begin!

Directory Animal Care

Latitude Bar & Lounge

The Waylon

West Vibe Hair Salon

730 11th Ave - 51st/52nd St (212) 956-5822

www.latitudebarnyc.com

www.TheWaylon.com

www.westvibe.com

Coco and Toto

www.cocoandtoto.com

The Spot Experience

600 W42nd St - 11th/12th Ave (646) 767- 4199

www.thespotexperience.com

Westside Animal Hospital 453 W46th St - 9th/10th Ave (212) 247-8600

www.westsideanimalnyc.com

Auto Services

54th Street Auto Center 415 W54th St - 9th/10th Ave (212) 265-3120

www.54thstreetautocenter.com

783 8th Ave - 47th/48th St (212) 245-3034

Beauty & Well-being

Beer, Wine & Spirits

www.molloyspub.com

570 9th Ave - 41st/42nd St (212) 256-1065

460 W34th St - 9th/10th Ave (212) 564-6830

Mr. Biggs Bar & Grill

9th Avenue Barbershop

737 9th Ave - 49th/50th St (212) 247-3400

596 10th Ave - 43rd/44th St (212) 246-2030

www.mrbiggsnewyork.com

New York Beer Company 321 W44th St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 245-2337

www.nybeercompany.com

Pacha New York

Cybert Tire and Car Care www.cyberttire.com

Scallywag’s Irish Pub

www.pachanyc.com

Bars & Clubs

508 9th Ave - 38th/39th St (646) 490-4803

506 9th Ave - 38th/39th St (646) 370-3578

Social Bar & Lounge

Alquimia Bistro Bar www.alquimianyc.com

House of Brews

302 W51st St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 541-7080

www.houseofbrewsny.com

Iron Bar

713 8th Ave - 45th/46th St (212) 961-7507 www.ironbarnyc.com

Ivy

944 8th Ave - 56th St (212) 459 9444

www.ivybarnyc.com

Juniper

237 W35th St - 8th Ave (212) 967-2511

www.juniperbarnyc.com

451 W46th St - 9th/10th Ave (212) 265-6794

Molloy’s Irish Pub

618 W46th St - 11th/12th Ave (212) 209-7500

726 11th Ave - 51st/52nd St (212) 265-1177

736 10th Ave - 50th/51st St (212) 265-0010

www.scallywagsnyc.com

795 8th Ave - 48th St (212) 459-1323

www.socialbarnyc.com

The Pony Bar

637 10th Ave - 45th/46th St (212) 586-2707 www.theponybar.com

The Jolly Monk

701 9th Ave - 48th St (646) 657-0080

www.jollymonknyc.com

Tir Na Nog

315 W39th St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 760-0072 www.tirnanognyc.com

White Oak Oyster Bar

818 10th Ave - 54th/55th St (646) 692 9347 www.whiteoaknyc.com

42nd Nails & Spa

495 9th Ave - 37th/38th St

www.9thavenuebarbershop.com

Albano Salon

450 9th Ave - 35th/36th St (212) 967-4726

www.albanosalonnyc.com

Best Barber

34th Street Wine & Spirits

www.34thstreetwineandspirits.com

42nd Street Wine Loft

507 W42nd St - 10th/11th Ave (212) 736-1375

Grand Cru Wine & Spirits 570 11th Ave - 43rd/44th St (646) 682-9278 www.grandcruny.com

694 10th Ave - W48th/49th St (646) 791-0560

Ninth Avenue Vintner – Liquor Store

David Ryan Salon

www.ninthavenuevintner.com

www.bestbarber.nyc

429 W46th St - 9th/10th Ave (212) 956-1830 www.davidryansalon.com

Erik’s Barbershop

660 10th Ave - 46th/47th St (212) 459-2884

www.eriksbarbershop.com

Hell’s Kitchen Barbers

410 W56th St - 9th/10th Ave (212) 470-5027

www.hellskitchenbarbers.com

Luxe Den Salon & Spa 519 8th Ave - 35th/36th St (212) 9716100 www.luxe-den.com

Massage Envy

525 W42nd St - 10th/11th Ave (212) 473-3689 www.massagenvy.com

Pura Dermatology

446 W38th St - 9th/10th Ave (646) 706-7747

www.puradermatology.com

669 9th Ave - 46th/47th St (212) 664-9463

Veritas Studio Wines

527 W45th St - 10th/11th Ave (212) 581-3163

Cycle Shops

Al’s Cycle Solutions

693 10th Ave - 47th/48th St (212) 247-3300

www.alscyclesolutions.com

Enoch’s Bike Shop

480 10th Ave - 36th/37th St (212) 582-0620 www.enochsbikes.com

Liberty Bicycles

846 9th Ave - 55th/56th St (212) 757-2418 www.libertybikesny.com

Metro Bicycles – Hell’s Kitchen 653 10th Ave - 46th/47th St (212) 581-4500 www.metrobicycles.com

NYC Velo

600 11th Ave - 45th St (212) 582-7949 www.nycvelo.com

Delis, Food & Drink Bis.Co.Latte

www.biscotlatte.com

Bread & Honey

941 8th Ave - 56th/57th St (212) 245-0007

www.breadandhoneynyc.com

Empire Coffee & Tea Company 568 9th Ave - 41st/42nd St (212) 268-1220

www.empirecoffeetea.com

Garden City Deli

607 9th Ave - 43rd/44th St (212) 974-0573

International Grocery 543 9th Ave - 43rd/44th St (212) 279-1000

www.internationalgrocerynyc.com

Ninth Avenue Vintner – Beer & Cheese 671 9th Ave - 46th/47th St (212) 957-7500

www.vintnerwinemarketny.com

Port Deli

681 8th Ave - 43rd/44th St (212) 245-2362

Poseidon Greek Bakery 362 W45th St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 757-6173

Westerly Natural Market

Jadite Picture Framing

Better Being 940

www.westerlynaturalmarket.com

www.jaditeart.com

www.betterbeing.net

911 8th Ave - 54th/55th St (212) 586-5262

Florists

Keep Your Home Clean

444 W43rd St - 10th/11th Ave (646) 473-0274

www.keepyourhomeclean.com

Fresh Cut Flowers, Inc. www.freshcut444.com

Health & Fitness

CrossFit Hell’s Kitchen NYC 315 W36th St - 8th/9th Ave (646) 234-8425

Lanyon36

365 W36th St - 8th/9th Ave www.lanyon36.com

M2 Organic Cleaners

346 W46th St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 245 2030 www.bourbonny.com

www.bricconyc.com

www.mphc.com

MedRite

330 W42nd St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 695-4444

www.medriteurgentcare.com

Mid-City Gym

345 W42nd St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 757-0850 www.midcitygym.com

347 W36th St - 8th/9th Ave

www.prudencedesignsnyc.com

The ReGallery

362 W36th St - 8th/9th Ave

www.facebook.com/theregallerynyc

Restaurants, Diners & Cafes 42nd Street Pizza

647 W42nd St - 11th/12th Ave (212) 594-4312 www.42ndstrestaurant.com

Rolates Pilates

Adella

www.rolates.com

www.adellanyc.com

939 8th Ave - 55th/56th St (212) 247-9603

Epstein’s Paint Center www.epsteinpaint.com

410 W43rd St - 9th/10th Ave (212) 273-0737

Afghan Kebab House 764 9th Ave - 37th/38th St (212) 303-1612

785 9th Ave - 52nd/53rd St (212) 767-0077 www.brickyardnyc.com

The Cafe Grind

477 10th Ave - 36th/37th St (212) 279-4100 www.thecafegrind.com

Chimichurri Grill

609 9th Ave - 43rd/44th St (212) 586-8655 www.chimichurrigrill.com

Cupcake Cafe

545 9th Ave - 40th/41st St (212) 465-1530

www.cupcakecafe-nyc.com

Dafni Greek Taverna

www.ardesia-ny.com

Frisson Espresso

Tehuitzingo Deli & Grocery

www.gothamministorage.com

Azuri

Hartley House

465 W51st St - 9th/10th Ave (212) 262-2920

www.hartleyhouse.org

Baluchi’s Indian Food

413 W46th St - 9th/10th Ave (212) 246-9885

Brickyard Gastropub

325 W42nd St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 315-1010

510 W52nd St - 10th/11th Ave (212) 247-9191

501 10th Ave - 38th/39th St (212) 931-5731

304 W56th St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 245-7160

Ardesia

Gotham Mini Storage

578 9th Ave - 41st/42nd St (646) 707-3916

Bourbon Street Bar & Grille

Prudence Design & Events

482 W43rd St - 9th/10th Ave (212) 563-7001

352 W52nd St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 582-3088

Taqueria Tehuitzingo

www.bluebottlecoffee.com

Manhattan Plaza Health Club

562 W52nd St - 10th/11th Ave 212-265-3960

www.tehuitzingo.net

600 11th Ave - 45th St

Bricco Ristorante

www.seabreezefishmarkets.com

695 10th Ave - 47th/48th St (212) 397-5956

Blue Bottle Coffee

826 9th Ave - 54th/55th St (212) 954-7417

Professional Services

Stiles Farmers’ Market

353 W48th St - 9th/10th Ave (646) 238-5924

537 9th Ave - 40th/41st St (212) 353-1986

www.crossfithellskitchen.com

Sea Breeze Fish Market 541 9th Ave - 40th St (212) 563-7537

662 10th Ave - 46th/47th St (212) 977-6190

www.azuricafe.com

493 9th Ave - 37th/38th Ave (212) 695 2222 www.baluchis.com

www.dafnitaverna.com

326 W47th St - 8th/9th Ave (646) 850-3928

Genuine Roadside 600 11th Ave - 44th St (212) 582-7941

www.genuineroadside.com

continued over

TO GET YOUR HELL’S KITCHEN BUSINESS LISTING IN OUR DIRECTORY

#W42S ITN

AVEN IT’S HE KITCHEN HELL’S

Get one of these in your window

#Yourbiz nachoguevara.com nachoguevara73

facebook.com/nachoguevaraphotography

Email us at sticker@w42st.com

Restaurants, Diners & Cafes (cont.) Gotham West Market

600 11th Ave - 44th/45th St (212) 582-7940

www.gothamwestmarket.com

Green Nature Coffee House 555 W42nd St - 10th/11th Ave (917) 916-9408 www.ohmygoshcoffee.com

Hell’s Chicken

641 10th Ave - 45th/46th St (212) 757-1120

www.hellschickennyc.com

Il Forno

713 8th Ave - 45th/46th St (212) 247-1978 www.ilfornonyc.com

The Jolly Goat

517 W47th St - 10th/11th Ave (646) 509-8957 www.thejollygoat.com

Jonny’s Panini

439 9th Ave - 9th/10th Ave (646) 484-5733 www.jonnypanini.com

Kava Cafe

470 W42nd St - 10th/11th Ave (212) 239-4442 www.kavanyc.com

Kahve

774 9th Ave - 51st/52nd St (212) 256-0207 www.kahvenyc.com

Landmark Tavern

626 11th Ave - 46th/47th St (212) 247-2562

www.thelandmarktavern.org

Lucky’s Famous Burgers 370 W52nd St - 8th/9th Ave (212) 247-6717

www.luckysfamousburgers.com

Market Diner

572 11th Ave - 43rd/44th St (212) 244-2888

Nano Ecuadorian Kitchen 691 10th Ave - 47th/48th St www.nanobarnyc.com

Noodies

830 9th Ave - 54th/55th St (646) 669-7828 www.noodiesnyc.com

Oovah

496 9th Ave - 37th/38th St (212) 967-3892 www.oovahnyc.com

Pio Pio

604 10th Ave - 43rd/44th St (212) 459-2929 www.piopio.com

Pom Pom Diner