From the Editor

I’m Thankful For…

One evening in early august, I was particularly exhausted. I curled up on the couch and let the light in the living room fall away while I laid there not moving, attempting to hide from all thoughts.

I was physically exhausted from a week of dragging my night-owl-self body out of bed extra early to try to reestablish some healthy habits I’d lost to a year of extra sugar and comfort foods. But more than that, I was mentally exhausted.

This was a few days before my daughter, then soon-to-be 13, would be attending inperson school for the first time since before Spring Break in 2020. This was also about the time the COVID-19 Delta variant was beginning to inundate Indiana, and school boards and parents were arguing over mask use and vaccination—the issue becoming even more divisive socially and politically than ever. And it was hours after the findings of the New York attorney general’s investigation of sexual harassment claims against the governor were released, which unleashed an unexpected wave of emotion over me.

As quiet settled around me, my heartbeat felt harder and faster until I was sure I could see it pounding through my chest. Each breath got heavier and I coughed trying to catch it. My lip twitched and my limbs were shaky. My husband checked my pulse. Fine. Blood pressure. Fine. Speech. Fine. But I knew I was off.

Panic attack.

I headed to bed knowing that good sleep and daylight often bring with them a sense of calm and hope that gets lost in fatigue and darkness. Even on a good night, my brain has a hard time shutting down. On a night when anxiety is running high, it’s nearly impossible.

To fill my mind with anything other than the first day of school, COVID-19, and powerful men abusing their power, I played a round of “I’m thankful for.” I rattled off people, places, virtues, and things for which I am grateful. Each time I caught my mind wandering, I went back to “I’m thankful for” and continued my mental list.

I’m thankful for my family, my home, a soft bed, and a supportive pillow. I’m thankful for laughter at the dinner table, stars in the sky, my daughter’s friends and mentors. My education, green grass, blue sky, music, my family’s group texts, and the tangents we take that end up in funny places.

I’m thankful for the students returning to campus and the energy they bring. I’m thankful for co-workers to share my days with and conversations that keep life in perspective. I’m thankful for being able to be face-to-face with them again—the people and the conversations.

The longer my list got, the lighter I felt. All of those things I was anxious about were still there but I could see things that made me smile, too, and with each smile it became a little easier to continue my list.

Have you found yourself in the same space lately? Bogged down by current events and forgetting to look for the people and things that make you smile—that help you feel happy?

I sit in my office and see so many pieces and memories of things that bring me joy and help me carry the weight that life heaves on me sometimes—a rock from an immersion trip to Alaska, a trinket from the Glee Club tour in Taiwan, my honorary Sphinx Club pot, a stuffed squirrel that chatters, the mini car from the WM cover shoot in Fall 2014, and many more.

Maybe some of your fondest memories have a W attached too—Ringing In, Commencement, a big game, Homecoming, a continued connection to a professor, a best friend, the trip of a lifetime.

It has been heart-lifting these past few months to be back on campus and to reconnect to the alumni, colleagues, and friends that make Wabash so special. It has been equally heart-lifting to hear from so many of you in response to our Big Question for this issue: “What makes you happy?”

In a year when life has often felt “just hard” on a good day, we have dedicated an issue of WM to what makes us and you happy.

The next time you have a night where you need to play a round of “I’m thankful for” I hope your list comes easily and begins right here, home, at Wabash.

Be well.

Kim Johnson | Editor johnsonk@wabash.edu

One of my favorite pieces of art proudly displayed in my office is an abstract by Ian Starnes ’11. As soon as I saw it at his senior show at Wabash, I fell in love with the bright, vivid colors.

Starnes currently lives and works in Sarasota, FL, and Naples, FL, as an artist, designer, and home renovator.