Choose the infinite game

Midweek Musings

Tim Nelson

An idea shared by author Simon Sinek is that of the infinite game. Essentially this means the things that we do that have no endpoint, as opposed to a game that does. For example, training for a marathon might be considered a finite game, as you go through the training programme before completing the event. Once the event is over the game is finished. Many people will do this or something similar, often leaving all the good achieved through the training programme, as the goal has been achieved, the training stops, and the next ‘game’ is started.

The infinite game, in my opinion, is a much better way to live your life. I have been training for many years and the positives of doing so have had a substantial impact on my life. Yes, there have been many events along the way, such as a couple of marathons, but these have been a part of the bigger picture, which is to train for life to the benefit of my physical and mental wellbeing.

Why you should be negative

A message we constantly hear is how important it is to be positive. This definitely resonates with me, with all of these posts being positive, looking for stories and anecdotes that will inspire others to live better lives.

These posts also motivate me to look for the good news stories and ideas that might otherwise be overlooked, and to share them through my writing to help others to see life is full of goodness and opportunities to be better to both ourselves and others.

The entrepreneur and philanthropist Alex Hormozi has a slightly different view on positivity, at least from one perspective, this being around the idea of visualisation. He sees the benefit of negative visualisation, as opposed to taking a positive view.

Hormozi believes that a very powerful idea is to take something you’re doing now that you know could be better, then to look ahead into the future to what your life might look like if you keep doing the same thing. It could be a job, a relationship, health and fitness habits, the place you live, or anything at all that you know you should change. What will your life be like if you keep doing the same thing? Negative visualisation is one way to consider this, and a step you can take now to make a change now.

Today is special

I am very fortunate to be about to leave on a trip at the beginning of a sabbatical. I have been looking forward to this for some time, it is a wonderful opportunity to do something different in a place very different to Masterton, my home town. The time between being awarded the sabbatical and my departure, which is just a few days from now, has been several months. Reading this, it would be easy to think that I have been wishing my life away … Nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, I am definitely looking forward to the experience, but over the past few months there have been many things I have looked forward to and enjoyed immensely. There have also been other experiments I have had that I didn’t expect at all, but have also had immense joy and satisfaction from.

I know what I have shared here is true because I have a documented record of these experiences, whether they were planned or unexpected. Every day I finish the day by recording three things:

• A highlight for the day just gone

• Something I am looking forward to the next day

• Something I am grateful for Recording these three things is a great way to remind myself that everyday is special, whether it’s in the town I live, or in an exotic location thousands of kilometres away.

How to teach something

Teaching takes many forms. There are debates on topics such as: the best way to teach reading; what is the best type of environment for children to learn in; whether learning should be child or teacher centred … the list is a long one, with perspectives constantly changing from one extreme to another, or the same idea becoming fashionable years later, but under a different name.

Yesterday I was at a conference. One of the presenters, Jase Te Patu, made a comment in his workshop on mindfulness that really resonated with me, this being that, as teachers we need to be an example of mindfulness, essentially, rather than telling children what to do, we need to be living and demonstrating the concept of mindfulness through our own actions.

This same idea can apply in so many other ways. The way we live our lives is the best way to teach others. I’m inspired by people who do the things I want to be doing myself: the likes of Russell Bishop in education; Doug Bracewell for service to the community; Sister Madonna Buder for physical health; these being three examples, none of whom have ever told or directly taught me what to do, but all have had a significant impact on the way I live my life.

Don’t be a phubber

I heard the term ‘phubber’ for the first time today. The term refers to someone who repeatedly looks at their phone when they’re interacting with another person. Most of us have done this, and had someone else do it to us. It’s definitely something to be aware of and certainly something to avoid doing ourselves.

Do your best

I read today in Ryan Holiday’s book Discipline is Destiny about the idea of doing our best. Holiday starts the chapter by sharing the story of former president Jimmy Carter, how he was interviewed to be in a specific branch of the navy. The recruiter asked Carter if he had tried his best at The Navy Academy. On hearing the question, Carter was initially going to reply “yes”, being proud of where he finished in his class. However, on reflection, he thought about the countless times he was far from his best in terms of effort; the days when he drifted along, doing just enough to get by.

Sure, there were many times when he did give 100 per cent, but there were plenty of other occasions when he certainly didn’t. We don’t need to live lives of always going full tilt, but there are many times we should be for certain aspects of our lives. When we are honest with ourselves, more likely than not we should be able to acknowledge we could have given more on some of the things that really count.

If we really did do our best in key areas, then I believe our lives would be very much more enriching and fulfilling.

Your life in weeks I have shared this idea before, but, like so many of the best ideas, it’s worth repeating. The concept of your life in weeks was discussed by health advocate Peter Attia in an interview I listened to.

Attia is using the idea to help him to prioritise what’s important in his life. He has a calendar that he marks off the weeks to what he has predicted to be when he dies.

Now that this is a finite amount for Attia, as opposed to the belief our lives are seemingly endless and there will always be time to do the things we want to do when the stars align and conditions are finally right, he is far more careful in regards to what he commits his time to.

For example, knowing his children will be leaving home, Attia will prioritise moments with them over speaking in a conference, as that sort of opportunity with his children will come to an end, while the speaking engagements will always be there.

Many will see the concept of your life in weeks as being quite morbid. However, like Attia, I see it as a great way of valuing what is truly important in life.

When we know things won’t go on forever, at least in an earthly sense, then we can look for and make the most of what is truly important to us.

• Tim Nelson is principal of Lakeview School and author of the book Small Steps for a happy and purposeful life. He endeavours to learn something new every day by reading books, listening to podcasts, and engaging with a wide range of other content.